She tries to crash on the slouching couch in the living room. I'd spent too many nights there, too many nights alone.
"Friends don't let friends sleep on the couch. C'mon. I'll wake you when it's time to go."
"You're not sleeping?" Her voice is thick with exhaustion.
"I've got too many papers to grade."
"I thought you didn't do that anymore?"
"Filling in for a colleague." But I wasn't, I was teaching a night class. James had an offer to teach at the same college and he wanted to use it as a way to reconnect.
It had been wonderful at first to be back in a classroom, but now it felt like another way for him to control from afar.
I lead her to the guest bedroom that no one ever uses. The sheets hadn't been changed since Mom had stayed here last. God knows how long it had been.
"I'll put fresh sheets on the bed. There are pajamas you can borrow in the dresser. I'll just be across the hall."
"You won't stay?" Her eyes are pleading.
"I.." What can I say? Once, years and years ago there had been someone who had destroyed me like JJ. Once, there was Erin.
"I just don't want to be alone right now, I promise I won't bother you."
"No, Emily it's not that. I'll stay."
When she goes into the bathroom to change, I make the bed. I line pillows into a little wall, dividing the bed in two. She wouldn't be here long anyway, there were no more than five hours before she had to catch her plane.
The papers are in a mess downstairs, it was just an intro class, but even I was having trouble focusing enough to grade.
She's already in bed by the time I come back; long limbs curled into the darkness of sleep.
I can feel my hesitation at even sitting next to her, being this close. But it's cold, so I crawl under the covers anyway.
It had been so long since I'd slept in a bed beside someone else. I can already feel the lull of sleep when I go to set my alarm.
By the time I wake up, it's morning. Shit. I must've slept through the alarm.
The pillow wall is thrown off the bed, but Emily is still asleep next to me.
"Emily? Emily!"
"What?" Her brown eyes are half-closed. She pulls the comforter over her head to block out the early morning light.
"Just let me go back to sleep."
"You missed your flight."
"I know." She's alarmingly nonchalant.
"You know?"
"I turned it off, the alarm."
"Don't you have to go back to London?" Her eyes close at the mention of London.
"No, I need a break. From everything. Would it- would it be ok if I stayed for a few days?"
"I don't know.." I thought of James coming back and finding another woman in his house. He wouldn't be happy. But then again, what made him happy.
"Please. Morgan or Garcia would make it a thing. I can't tell them, they think I have this wonderful life over there. One good enough to have made sense to leave them behind."
"What about Reid? Or Rossi?"
"Reid still hasn't gotten over the Ian Doyle incident, and would you want to stay with Rossi? Or Hotch for that matter?"
I wouldn't want to stay with Rossi, mainly because he and Erin were the bureau's worst kept secret. She watches me attentively. It would be rude to say no.
"No, but you've got to tell Garcia. She'll find out one way or another. She's already texted me asking what happened last night. I'd rather not perpetuate the rumor. At least, tell her you're here. You don't have to explain it to her."
"Deal."
The weekend passes uneventfully, we both go about our own business and I barely notice there's another soul in the house. Except for the coffee she leaves on the counter every morning. Whatever it is she's doing makes her an early riser.
And at night, I continue to crawl into bed next to her.
When Monday comes around, Garcia corners me before I even leave the elevator.
"We need to talk."
"Guessing you talked to her?"
"Yeah, I did. Come here." Her voice is shrill.
She pulls me into her lair. I reach to take her fingers off my wrist, but her hands are gripped on so tight they're leaving white marks.
"You're harboring a fugitive." She gives me a pointed stare.
"No, I'm harboring an Emily." Her office was comforting, it's what I imagined the inside of a Toys R Us looked like. Bright and dark all at the same time.
"I'm really bad with secrets, Alex."
"Then I won't tell you any. Look, tease me if you want but I'm just helping a friend. It's not a secret to help a friend and keep quiet."
"What if I start teasing you about it?"
"About what?"
"Whatever happened with Emily. Aren't you the profiler, isn't there a way for me to forget all about it." Her hair flaps with the shaking of her hands. She's nervous, I'd never noticed how expressive her body language was before.
"I have a cover but you won't like it."
"What?"
"We pretend we're a thing, a secret thing. That way it won't feel like a lie. It'll give you something to think about when you want to talk. And I won't tell you anything else, nothing that Emily hasn't already told you."
"Deal?"
"Deal." A smile returns to her face. "Thanks, Alex."
"You're welcome, baby girl."
The look on her face when I left was worth however much torture the rest of the day would be.