It was now the half term. Farah was relieved that she got a week off as it had been very tiring being back at school especially after so much time off. She was used to getting herself up whenever she wanted and that was very different now.
As it was Monday morning, May-Li and Mike let all children have a long lie if they wanted it. All the children liked this idea and it was after 9 o'clock when Farah walked down the stairs. Jody was still sleeping but Farah found that she needed to get up as soon as she woke as she would just overthink if she stayed in bed.
"Hi, did you sleep well?" May-Li asked. She had been off work at the weekend and was excited to see the children again especially as it was half term. Half term was always fun with all the children.
Farah nodded. She walked around to make her breakfast but was very wary. May-Li knew that something was the matter but knew that Farah would be embarrassed if she said anything. She needed to find a quiet moment to speak to Farah.
Farah quickly made her dinner before heading back to her room. She noticed that Jody was still sleeping and rolled her eyes. She really just wanted to read her book, but Jody would wake up if she turned the light on. She quickly grabbed the book she was currently reading and went down the stairs. She curled up on the sofa while some of the other children watched the TV.
About an hour later, Jody came down the stairs and Farah quickly ran up the stairs, and into her bedroom relieved to finally have some time to herself. It was a big change for Farah. She had gone for spending much of her life on her own while her father was out drinking to not even having two minutes to herself. It was exhausting.
She had just gotten settled and into her book when she heard a knock at the door.
"Yeah" She said softly. Farah often felt comfortable now saying one words to anyone in the house and would have a one on one conversation with most of them. However, she still struggled at school and some large group conversations were also challenging.
"Hey" May-Li said before opening the door. She walked into the room and sat on the bed.
"How are you?" May-Li asked.
"Fine" Farah said not sure what May-Li was getting at.
"Are you sure? You seem a little bit off" May-Li said, and Farah shrugged.
"Its just I keep thinking of my mum, of the box" Farah admitted, and May-Li nodded.
"Do you want to get it down?" May-Li asked, and Farah nodded. She wasn't sure why she felt embarrassed about the fact that she wanted to find out more about her mother. Bob and Lorna had written Farah a letter and the girl had replied. They spoke regularly. Bob and Lorna had also been able to pass a lot of information on to Mike and May-Li and they filled out a lot of information about Farah's mother.
May-Li disappeared and found the box before taking one of them to Farah.
"I just picked out one, we can look at the others later if you want" May-Li said and Farah nodded. One was enough for today. Farah opened it and started looking through the pictures. She was really young in these ones between the age of 1 and 2. She smiled.
"That's Thailand" She said and May-Li smiled.
"It was just after the tsunami. Mum went to sort everything out before all her family died in it" Farah explained, it was something that she remembered clearly. She didn't remember much but her mum taught her a lot about Thailand.
"That's so hard. Did you go again?" May-Li and Farah nodded.
"Yeah I went when I was like six, I think" Farah said. "Mum wanted to keep the culture going"
May-Li nodded, she understood that. She wished that she had met Farah's mother. She seemed like a lovely woman and was sure she would have been sickened to find out what Farah had been through over the last few years.
"Oh there are some videos. Do you want to go and watch them?" May-Li asked, and Farah nodded. They walked down the stairs and put the videos into the cassette player. They watched as Farah came onto the screen. It was clearly filmed by Bob and both Lorna and Kulap were also in the photo. Some of the other children came and joined them.
"You were so loud" Tyler said as he watched Farah running around on the video.
"Your mum was really pretty" Carmen said smiling at Farah. Farah nodded but then put her head down. Perhaps it was too much to be watching this so soon. She looked around and suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe. She stood up and ran to her room.
May-Li watched her go before deciding to give her 5 minutes. After 5 minutes, May-Li walked up the stairs and knocked on the door before entering as she always does.
"Was it a bit much?" May-Li asked as she put her hand gently on the girl's leg and Farah nodded.
"Do you want to speak about it?" May-Li asked softly.
"It's weird letting other people see my memories but then it makes it feel more real because I don't have anyone who can remember them with me" Farah said. May-Li understood what the girl meant. It was often an issue that children in care have. It's how many of them end up creating fantasies about their old life because they have no one else to tell them that did or didn't happen.
"Do you feel better now you've looked through the box though?" May-Li asked, and Farah nodded.
"It's something I've wanted to do since I started speaking to Bob and Lorna, it's just that I didn't know if I was ready, so I was nervous" Farah stated.
"Being back at school with other girls my age just makes me want my mum even more. I just hear people speaking about things they are doing with their mum and I want mine back" Farah said letting tears slip down her face.
"Come here" May-Li said as she pulled the girl into her arms. She held the girl close until she was ready to pull away.
"If your mum was here just now, is there any conversation you'd want to have with her?" May-Li asked.
"There is a lot of things I'd want to talk to her about but just now, I just feel so confused as to everything that's happen to me" Farah admitted.
"Do you want to speak to me about it?" May-Li asked, and Farah shrugged.
"What's scaring you?" May-Li asked.
"I don't want it to be embarrassing for you" Farah admitted.
"I'm not going to be embarrassed. I've had these conversations with many other young people like yourself. I want you to always feel you can speak to me" May-Li explained. Farah nodded but she still looked unsure.
"What's making you the most nervous?" May-Li asked "I don't like the idea of you being scared or unsure"
"I just feel like some changes are happening and it scares me" Farah said looking down. May-Li turned around and crossed her legs on the bed.
"What changes?" She asked.
"Just like my chest and I get sweaty" Farah admitted.
"Well how about we go shopping and get you a bra, if you feel you need one and I can get you deodorant as well" May-Li said, and Farah nodded. She finally felt ready to look up at May-Li and smiled.
"I'm scared about you know bleeding because it's happened before and really hurt" She admitted.
"When did it happen before?" May-Li asked confused.
"When Dad did stuff" Farah admitted, and it clicked for May-Li.
"What your father did to you is completely different for a period. The blood comes from inside your body, its not an injury like what he did to you" May-Li said, and Farah nodded. That made her feel a bit better.
"I'm taking Bailey and Tyler shopping on Wednesday so do you want to come with me, and we can go girl shopping?" May-Li asked, and Farah nodded.
"It's your birthday on Friday as well isn't it" May-Li said, and Farah nodded.
"What do you want to do? It's your day so your choice" May-Li said. She knew that children had different experiences of birthdays.
"Can we go to the cinema?" Farah asked.
"Of course, you can pick three others to come with you" May-Li said and Farah thought for a minute.
"Jody, Carmen and Tee" She decided.
"Why don't you go and ask them?" May-Li suggested. Farah nodded and went running to find them. May-Li smiled. She loved seeing some of the old Farah shining through.
Sorry it's been so long. I really need some more ideas :)