1. The Arguing Chapter

...in which lots of bad explanations are heard

England opened his eyes as he felt someone's hand touching his cheek. For a moment his vision was blurry, but then the blond man could recognize Ukraine's eyes staring down at him.

'Wait, what?'England didn't quite fathom the situation.

The woman smiled kindly. "Welcome, England,"

"Where?"

"Well," Ukraine looked around her and thought of what to answer, before giving the man a nervous smile. "We don't quite know yet."

England looked around him for the first time. He could determine that he was lying down on green moss in a...

"Forest?" England asked cautiously and really hoped to hear that it was only some kind of set up to confuse him.

Unfortunately the Eastern European nation's answer crushed this silent wish very quickly. "Yes. We don't know why, but it seems that we are now nowhere near the place we fell asleep."

England stood up. There was indeed a perfectly natural, fresh and clean forest around him. Not very old, there were also many younger trees everywhere. The underbrush consisted of moss, ferns and some strange, small flowers that England couldn't name. It looked exactly a place you would like to go to pick up berries or something similar.

Ukraine touched his hand and the man gave her his attention.

"Now that I found you, everyone's present," the woman started to walk away from England and when the Brit didn't immediately follow she turned and waved her hand. "Come, England. I will take you to the others. We all ended up in a same area, but not too close to each other. Unfortunate, I guess."

They walked between the trees for a little while, the man following the woman. England was so busy observing the woods around him that he almost lost a sight of his guide now and then, but luckily for him he could always catch up. The forest around them stood still with no wind moving the leaves or branches. But it wasn't completely silent; there were birds singing their tunes somewhere out of sight. England listened to the singing for a while only to realise that he had no idea what kind of winged creature could make a sound like that. Without letting it bother him any further, he caught up with Ukraine.

"So, every one of us came here, was that right?" He asked the woman.

"Yes. Apparently Greece was the first one, then America and Iceland."

"Why is it that the Greece part doesn't surprise me at all... So is everyone okay and all?"

"Yes, no physical damage in sight."

'Physical...'England wondered to himself and smiled back a little to the women and suddenly realised something. "Say, Ukraine, how did you find me? It seems we're not that close to others."

"Accidentally. I'm taking a walk."

"A walk?" England repeated in disbelief. "In a situation like this?"

The woman smiled to him a little. "Well, I needed to breathe."

Again, England didn't quite understand.

.*** *** ***

"I see," the Brit uttered indifferently, staring the scene Ukraine had brought him to.

"I didn't do anything," Russia contradicted. He turned to Estonia. "Maybe this is some of your crazy festivals with Finland again?"

"I refuse to take that seriously," Estonia answered and crossed his hands to reject that notion. "I don't know how you come up with these arguments of yours, Russia, but I'm quite sure I manage well without ever visiting the source of your ideas."

"Are you so sure...?" Belarus whispered to the Baltic's ear, holding her knife against his back. "It was you, wasn't it?" Her voice was leaking poison.

Estonia shivered, knowing that he would possibly be killed if he tried to move more than that. "It wasn't. Why do you think that anyway?"

"Because Russia says so."

"Belarus, stop making decisions with logic like that."

"Did you just complain?"

"Yeeeergh!"

"Wait a minute Belarus!" Lithuania gripped the woman's shoulder. "Stop doing that, you will... Eh?"

Belarus shut the oldest Baltic up by placing her deadly weapon under his chin. "Or maybe it was you?"

"...What?"

"What if we now very, very slowly start to uncover your filthy plans of taking over the Earth?"

"What?"

"...Lithuania... You..."

"Don't believe her, Latvia!"

"Now surrender and admit it."

"Eeeehhhh?"

"Hm~," Russia observed things from a safe distance. "Lively and eventful, I'd say..."

America sighed melodramatically, raising his fingers to his forehead, presumably trying to look smart. "Just do something, would you, Russia. It's not heroic to just watch, you know."

"That would only cause more harm to the Baltic brothers, I presume," Austria interrupted. "The one going into this should be authoritative and delicate enough to..."

America smiled enthusiastically and his glasses were glowing. Leaving the Austrian behind him he started to whistle quietly, approaching the fighters with a look of "absolute justice" in his face and muttering, "time for some heroism..."

Austria could only stare after him. Behind him, Hungary sighed but smiled a little. "I'm sure he wanted to hear just that, Austria. Thanks to you, now we'll have one dead American alongside the three Baltics."

"I said delicate," Austria pointed out. "It is his fault for not listening."

England sighed. "Damn that idiot."

"Oh, hi there England," Denmark greeted, leaning casually against his axe. "Welcom' to the best seats of a live-action movie parody. I'm sure ye ain't gonna regret watching this show."

England glared at him. "Say, Denmark, what if you go there right now and stop things from getting more dangerous?"

"Wha'? Why me?"

Norway answered on England's behalf. "Ya have an axe. Belarus has a knife."

"Well Switzerland has rifle, send him."

"I won't participate in any of your fights."

"Could ye just lock yer neutrality into a closet for a moment?"

A second after this comment, there was a well-controlled rifle pointing towards the Nordic's nose at a distance of a few millimetres. "Are you trying to order me around here?" Switzerland inquired as casually as Denmark had been leaning on his axe.

"No, it was... A friendly suggestion."

Switzerland took a step closer without moving his gun. "Why can't I tell the difference?"

"Well that's not my problem, Swiss," Denmark tried to move the weapon pointing at him. "We could say ye're an idiot."

"What?" The simple question came out with a tone that wouldn't accept just any answer one might offer.

Iceland took a grip on the neutral nation's beloved military partner and stopped Switzerland from killing his friend. He sighed. "Den..."

Behind Denmark's back, Norway extended his hand to catch the other's hair between his fingers. He received a little shriek when pulling the other sharply to himself. Norway seemed to have only one thing to say, and it was also written all over his face. "Idiot."

"So, England," Liechtenstein tried to change the subject. "What do you think about this?"

"Well," England answered and turned his eyes onto the girl. "Frankly, I'm pissed off."

"Me too," Germany took a place beside the island nation. Then he raised his voice to his best bossy tone. "Silence!"

Everyone stopped whatever they were doing (there was quite a range of options) and looked at him - some with surprise, some with very irritated expressions.

"Everyone!" Germany took a step forward. "Calm down. Immediately. You're making things worse. We have to quiet down for a while and really try to think. First of all..."

"What're you doing being all bossy 'round here?" Romano needled and had his brother in a headlock efficiently stopping him from instantly obeying anything the German would say. To make sure his question was really understood, he mumbled. "You potato freak... This is just part of your scheme again..."

Germany was about to answer when Lithuania broke into the conversation. "I agree with Germany. Let's think this over. We're just blaming one person after another. We should-"

"What, are you trying to escape?" Belarus spat behind him. Estonia held her hand to keep the knife away from Lithuania's back, but didn't succeed so well. Belarus' eyes were burning with excitement. "Don't you try to slip out of my clutch..."

"S-Stop it already!" Lithuania had an almost desperate look on his face. "Russia! Do something, your sister is trying to kill me!"

Russia smiled. "Go for it, Belarus."

"Excuse me-what?"

"I told you to quiet down!" Germany snapped but if there was someone who listened to him, it wasn't America.

"Fear not Lithuania! I'll stop this sexual harassment for good!"

"America, you're between me and my prey."

"Whoops, sorr—wait NO! I mean... I'm a hero! And I'll protect the innocent victims from any sort of abuse!"

"Well great for you, but that doesn't concern me, so go do your what-ever-job elsewhere - and preferably now - because there's nothing innocent here."

"M-Miss Belarus," Latvia tried to gather his courage. "I... uh... I really... you see... well..."

Belarus staaaaared...

"N-Nothing..."

"Latviaa-aa..." Lithuania sobbed, sounding betrayed.

Russia chuckled. "They sure are having fun, right?" he turned his head to his right.

Finland laughed a little. "Definitely."

Sweden looked at his neighbour in utter disbelief.

"Oohhh, you're annoying!" Cuba appeared from somewhere and tried to hit America but missed. "Shut up and do something useful!"

"Stay out of it!" Canada warned him, but suddenly Korea was sitting on his shoulders, waving his long sleeves, and Canada couldn't continue.

"Yeiihh! It looks fun, guys! May I join?" the Korean cheered to the battle in front of them from his prominent position.

"No!" China objected, grapping the back of other's hanbok and pulling him down. Canada fell over too in the process. "Stop being ridiculous," he scolded the younger Asian.

"But brothee-er..."

"I said no!"

"Honestly. Please act like an adult and concern the situation we're in before acting," Japan added and turned to look down beside him, to another Asian. "Hong Kong, what are you doing?"

The young Asian stopped poking the fallen Canadian and looked at the other with innocent eyes, saying nothing.

Taiwan laughed.

In her laugh there was something that finally made England's nerves go right over the edge.

"Shut up! SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP!"

This time, it really became silent.

"You bloody idiots!" England had decided to tell everyone how he felt. "You are seriously! Stupid! Twats! I don't know about you, but I fucking want to know where the hell this is and how the hell I get out of here! And you infernal boneheads are, right now, going between me and this desire, and screw that! You stop your pointless ass-kicking this instant and start trying to co-operate or I will fucking get your heads brainwashed with your own shit! Get that, brats?"

...

...

...

Egypt smiled.

England was satisfied with the silence. He turned to Germany. "So, Germany. What was it you were going to say?"

.*** *** ***

Almost two days had passed since their arrival to the forest.

They had again slept under the sky. Day 3 of their wandering was about to begin (not that they had gotten very far, someone even noted that they might actually be going in circles). After a few hours of somewhat-settled-down discussion, a few more hours of investigating the surrounding grounds and too many notes of someone being hungry, they found the first sign of intelligent life: a small hut. Unfortunately, however, it was uninhabited. But it still had been very tempting with its four rooms and soon they were all packed into the biggest room and around the only table in the abandoned building. It wasn't exactly comfortable.

At that moment, they were listening to Norway's explanation of what was going on, according to all the information he had managed to gather.

"Wait a minute... Are you saying this is some kind of alternate universe? That's ridiculous!"

"Yes, I think so too," Norway shook his head. "But that's the way I see it."

Estonia took a step forward and gestured his rejection for this idea. "That's just scientifically impossible."

"So is England's magic," France pointed out cheerfully. "But tell me," he directed his words to Norway. "How would you have ended up with such an interesting conclusion, my little friend?"

"Magic," Nordic answered shortly.

"You used your magic to confirm this?"

"No. I didn' need to. It's everywhere aroun' us. But I can't identify it."

America looked somewhat nervous about this fact and started glancing around as if trying to see some murderously grinning magical flows in the corners. "Are you sure about that?"

Norway nodded in silence.

"I second that," England said. "There are some weird currents in the ground. I haven't sensed anything like that before."

Germany sighed. "So... If we believe you two now..."

"Which we don't," Romano mumbled from his corner and received a glare from several people.

"... What are we expected to do next?" Germany continued as Spain quietly lectured Romano for being improper. The effect seemed to be rather slight as always.

Norway closed his eyes for the moment as England clearly expected him to answer. Then he exhaled a little. "I coul' ge' us back. But tha'll take time."

"Really? Great, how long you need?" America asked eagerly.

"Three days."

"What?" The question was heard from every direction.

"Oh, you gotta be kiddin' me," Turkey uttered, shaking his head. "What're we expected to do..."

"I'm in," Greece said immediately.

"Hey!"

"That's only," Norway continued ignoring the two arguing for the third time that day. He sent an expressionless stare towards his only fellow magician, "if I can have yer help."

England shook his head. "You can't."

Norway raised his eyebrows a little but otherwise didn't show any of his current emotions.

America looked at his former adoptive parent. "England! You gotta help! Are we going to leave the whole world in the hands of North Korea?"

("Mein Gott, Prussia is there too..." Germany turned pale. His brother had announced that he was going to drink while they were having a conference, because he didn't feel like his awesome presence was needed. Austria sighed and Hungary began to chuckle, which she however tried to hide.)

"Why aren't you—"

"It isn't that I don't want to," England stopped him, raising his hand, and explained peacefully. "I can't. I tried it out when I first sensed the magic here. I cannot use it. None of it. At least not here," he turned to Norway. "Sorry. I cannot be of any use."

Norway thought this for a while, frowning, and the others waited for his comment to this information. Soon the Scandinavian gave them his results. "Six days."

"WHAT!"

"You're noisy," someone noted.

They fell silent. The voice was unknown. The first to react was Switzerland. Within a second, he had pointed his rifle towards the doorway that led outside. A man stood leaning against the door that they had left open for some fresh air. He let his gaze wander around the suddenly alerted nations.

"As always, one could say," he then added lightly.

A/N: Please let me elaborate that even though these first two parts might not give that air, "humour" is not added to the genre section and nations-tans will be having harder times ahead. And thank you for the reviews! (already? :o)

My thanks fly now also to the other side of the world to my beta: Scott, thank you.