Suddenly it felt as if his body hit tar. He felt like everything was moving in slow motion as the screamer jumped over the playground fence.

As Samuel's eyes's finally lifted and met Severus's with a smile, he felt a part of him break, because he knew.

Severus knew. Deep in his bones...For all his effort it wasn't going to be enough.

So preparing for the fight ahead, he did the only thing he could, and he gritted his teeth as his fist made contact with flesh.

When she awoke it was in the comfort and warmth of a real bed, for a moment everything was fuzzy in her head, until her thoughts caught up with her and she shot awake. Blinking the sleep from her eyes she saw the familiar aged floral wallpaper of the house they'd been staying in and breathed a sigh of relief.

Thank God.

Severus walked through the door and she smiled at him. "Morning Severus, Gods I feel so rough this morning, like I've been hit with a train, where's Sam?"

At first Severus said nothing, though the second she met his eyes, the look on his face instantly shot through her like an arrow. Piercing and crushing any hopes she'd had when she awoke in the safe house, of the nightmare she'd just had, being just that...a nightmare.

Sweat beaded on her skin, as instantly she felt sick and clammy and her vision swam.

"Where's Sam?" She repeated quietly.

He couldn't look at her. He looked away and she could see the tears on his face, though instantly knew that she couldn't accept them. No, she refused to accept them.

"Severus, where is Sam" She repeated and when he met her eyes, she could no longer deny the stricken look on his face nor the tears that shone in his eyes.

No.

No no no.

"Severus. Stop messing with me!"

"Hermione-"

"Severus where is my boy, where is Sam?"

"Hermione" He began but she just shook her head.

"No."

"Hermione I-"

"No. Severus No. Don't"

"Hermione I couldn't"

"No... no, no Sam!"

She jumped out of bed and screamed his name, running towards the bedroom door.

"SAM! Samuel! SAM!"

Severus jerked into action and grasped her around the upper arms.

"Hermione, please be quiet please"

"SAM!" She screeched heedless of his warning, tears tracing hot tracks down her face she fought his hold trying desperately to leave the room.

"SAMUEL! SAM! SAM!"

She fought and screamed until Severus had to spin her around in his grasp, her back to his front, and slap a hand over her mouth to stop her screams.

"He's gone Hermione, he's gone"

She felt the break in his voice. The tremble in his limbs, and the heat of his own tears as they fell and scorched a path down the back of her neck, and the fight left her as her body sagged in his arms. He took his hand off her mouth.

"No Severus No" She beseeched him in a whisper. "Tell me it's not true, please tell me Severus please."

"I'm sorry" He whispered brokenly. "Hermione I'm so sorry"

"Severus no. Severus no, he's my boy, he's my baby Severus please no" She whimpered and felt the man sob behind her.

"I couldn't. I'm sorry Hermione, I'm so sorry" He broke and sobbed and that was it. Like a puppet with it's strings cut she collapsed to the floor, landing hard on her knees and falling forward until she was on all fours. Harsh sobs wracked her body, and as she pressed her forehead to the ground she felt as though she was too heavy to ever stand up again.

"He was mine, Severus I didn't birth him but he was mine, I held him, I raised him, his whole life I was his and he was mine"

"I know" He whispered and held her, his own tears wetting her clothes. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I failed you. But I tried, I tried but I couldn't reach him, I'm so sorry this is all my fault"

She cried until she was sick, body shaking with her sobs and Severus pulled her tighter into his arms. "Please, try to calm down"

"How can you ask that of me" She snapped at him, and he buried his face in his neck as his hand cupped her stomach. "It's not for me, I want you to calm down."

"Please, try and take some deep breaths, please"

Realisation hit her then, and her hand came to cup the swell of her belly with his as she followed his rythmic breathing. Tears still coursed down her face, and his, though she was no longer hyperventilating and retching.

A strange numbness overcame her eventually, as they settled together there on the floor, despite the mess from her ilness.

"How did I get here" She asked calmly. No hint of emotion in her voice.

"I carried you" He answered, just as tonelessly. His voice was deep and fathomless, like it had been when she was in school, and she realised he must be occluding himself to try and keep his emotions at bay.

"Why did I need carrying" She asked. Though there was no accusation in her tone, no emotion whatsoever.

"You were unconscious" He answered, just as emotionless.

"Why?"

"Because I hit you" He answered, without hesitation.

She didn't question his answer, and just waited for him to carry on.

"I saw... it... Clear the fence. It was...too close. I knew..." He stopped, but he didn't need to carry on. Because she knew too.

He knew he wouldn't make it in time.

"You knocked me out" She filled in.

"I knew you wouldn't stop" He whispered. She could've reacted then. Anger, Pain, hurt. Instead she just nodded. Numb.

"No, I wouldn't have" She agreed, but there was no malice in her response. Because she knew she wouldn't. She wouldn't have stopped no matter what. Even when the screamer reached him, she wouldn't have left him, she would have carried on running to him regardless, and got herself and her unborn child killed in the process. Ever the Gryffindor.

But Severus. In that split second he'd known. Known there was nothing he could do to save the boy, but knew there was a chance he could do something to save Hermione and their child, and he'd taken it. Though she saw the guilt he carried now because of it.

As much as she wanted to hate him for it, she couldn't, because just then there was a movement, a little fluttering in her stomach she understood. He was protecting his family, the best he could. And she and their unborn child, were only alive right now because of him.

"Did you." She began and then cut off with a sniff. Inhaling deeply she steeled herself before asking again. "Did you see"

"Yes" He whispered. And she nodded to herself before asking again.

"Did he...did it..."

"He didn't feel it." Severus answered, in that toneless voice that hinted at the level of occlumency he was applying. "He slipped and hit his head on the climbing frame, knocked himself out before-"

She stopped him with a nod and a raised hand, eyes screwed tightly shut.

Before it got to him.

"Severus, I can't stay here." She whispered, as tears continued to course down her face.

I can't see him

He sat upon the floor and she leaned back into his chest. His arms came around her and he sighed deeply, and he knew that it was a sigh of relief, that despite everything she was not rejecting him.

"I know" He whispered.

"I know"