A/N:No, your eyes do not deceive you. This is in fact a new chapter. I'm sorry about not updating in what feels like 87 years. I found my way down the Edser rabbit hole and can't find my way back out. I hope you like this chapter.
Felicity looked up as she heard voices and saw Oliver and Digg talking in front of her door.
Her chest tightened at the sight of Oliver.
Over the past few days, she had tried distancing herself from Oliver once she realized her feelings for him were anything but platonic or professional and were growing stronger by the day.
However, it was harder to do than she anticipated. Especially when she was living with him, temporarily, and spent all her time with him.
Still, she did her best to create a distance between them. She made sure whenever they were at the shelter that they were never alone, and when they were at his place, she was careful to not spend any time with him with just the two of them that wasn't necessary.
She refused group dinners and drinks, she ate breakfast on the go and she kept their talks short and strictly business.
Oliver was persistent of course but she more than held her ground and stuck to her conviction of shutting him out as much as possible.
She knew Oliver didn't understand why she was pushing him away but she had to do whatever it took to protect herself and right now every survival instinct was telling her she needed to protect every part of herself especially her heart.
Fear was a monster. It was ugly and it was consuming. It crept beneath your skin, shook you to your core, and made you question everything, every decision you make, everyone around you.
It whispered doubts in your head.
Felicity feared the connection between Oliver and herself. It felt stronger every single day he was at her side.
It terrified her.
She was scared that the connection between them would grow strong enough for him to completely break her and she couldn't shatter again.
It took her forever to pick up the pieces of herself that Cooper had broken.
And even then she was never able to fit her pieces back together perfectly.
Felicity, she was Fractured. Scarred. Damaged.
Oliver deserved better than what she could offer him.
He just hasn't realized it yet but he will. She was saving them from pain in the long run.
Oliver clenched and unclenched his fist repeatedly, looking toward the door impatiently, sitting on a hospital bed.
He had spent half the day trying and failing to figure out why Felicity was suddenly shutting him out and the other half in the gym, training while John took over being Felicity's full-time guard. Pair her orders.
Had he offended her in some way? Did his concern for her come across as too overbearing?
God, it bothered him that she was pulling away from him. It was like a sledgehammer was slammed into his chest and the feeling wouldn't go away.
It was awkward as hell when they returned to his home. Felicity barely spoke a full sentence to him or stayed in a room alone with him for more than five minutes.
If he didn't know better he would think she was afraid of him but that was crazy.
He would never hurt her. She had to know that, right?
His thoughts were going to drive him crazy.
The door to the room opened and in walked Tommy Merlyn. "When I saw your name in my folder, I thought I was seeing things. You hate hospitals." Tommy looked his friend over. "You don't look like you require emergency medical treatment."
Oliver lifted his hands. "They might be broken."
Oliver fought to keep a straight face. He knew his hands weren't broken but he wanted an excuse to come to see his friend when he knew Tommy was busy working in the emergency room in the hospital.
Tommy sent him a doubtful look, setting his clipboard down, he pulled on a pair of gloves and reached for Oliver's hands inspecting them.
"You have some abrasions, and your hands are pretty banged up but they're not broken." Tommy started cleaning the blood from his knuckles and applying a healing and disinfectant ointment. "You want to tell me what you're really doing here?"
"I needed to talk to someone. I need an outsider's perspective." Oliver told him.
"And this couldn't wait till my shift ended?" Tommy inquired, wrapping Oliver's hands up.
"It could have but I can't promise I wouldn't have gone at least a little bit insane from not talking to someone," Oliver responded.
"Okay," Tommy laughed. "If you're that desperate to talk to someone I can spare a little time. What's on your mind, Ollie?"
"I've been working this new job." Oliver started.
"The bodyguard job for some client or another." Tommy supplied.
"Right, " said Oliver. "Anyway, I met this woman and she's amazing, she's beautiful, kind, smart and her strength astounds me and it's complicated, cause she's the client,"
"Wait, you're sleeping with your boss?" Tommy said surprised. Oliver had always taken his job seriously and didn't like to mix his personal life with his business life.
"No, it's not like that." Oliver protested. "We've never-"
"But you want to?" Tommy interjected.
Of course, Oliver wanted to. He had to be blind and idiot not to but what he felt for Felicity was more than an attraction. He had feelings for her.
And it was so real for him. Maybe the realist thing he's ever felt for a woman.
The problem was he didn't know how Felicity felt about him. He knew she was attracted to him but was that all it was for her? He hoped not.
"I like her a lot." Oliver finally answered.
"If you don't care that's she your boss then what's the problem?" Tommy inquired.
"I think...I think she might be afraid of me." Oliver hated having to say the words. He hated thinking it but lately, he felt like Felicity was shutting him out to protect herself. From him.
The notion was a jagged blade twisting in his chest, carving him from the inside. '
"Afraid of you?" Tommy repeated incredulously. "You would never hurt a woman."
"I know that but I'm not sure she does," Oliver confessed. "She's been hurt before her."
"Oh," Tommy said.
"Oh?" Oliver repeated. "Why do you say it like that?"
"Like there's more meaning behind that one little word." Oliver insisted.
"When you say hurt, do you mean physically or emotionally?" Tommy questioned.
"Both," Oliver said after a moment.
"Then I can see why she's not open to growing closer with you." At Oliver's continued look of confusion, Tommy elaborated. "Women with a history of an abusive relationship have a harder time letting any man close again because the last time they did they didn't just have their heart broken. In most cases, the woman was hurt, emotionally, physically, and mentally. The physical wounds? Those heal if they're lucky enough to get out but what stays with them the most are the mental wounds."
"How do you know so much about this?" Oliver questioned in surprise.
"I've seen more than a few women come in here after being tossed around by someone they love since working in the ER for the last two years," Tommy said. "Your girl, Felicity, if she's purposely creating a distance between you, pushing you away then it is more than like self-preservation on her part. She's doing whatever she can to protect herself and being alone is probably the only way she knows how to protect her heart."
"What am I supposed to do?" Oliver asked.
"First, it's important, you don't push her," Tommy advised. "Second, have a frank discussion about your feelings but you have to take her feelings into account, too. Tell her what's on your mind, find out if she's scared of you or of getting hurt, try and reassure as much as you can that you would never push her and finally, let her make the first move."
Oliver nodded. "Okay," Oliver grabbed up his coat, pulling it on. "Tommy, do you still get women coming in here recently who have been abused."
"All the time," Tommy admitted sadly.
Oliver pulled out his wallet and pulled out the business card for the shelter. "Give this to any of the abused women that come in here. It's a place that can help them. They'll be protected. Give them a chance at something better."
Tommy accepted the card. "Do I want to know?"
Oliver patted his friend on the chest. "Thanks for the advice, Tommy."
"Anytime, now get out of here. I have real emergencies to tend to." Tommy walked out of the room, calling over his shoulder that a nurse would be in shortly with his discharge papers.
Oliver decided he wasn't going to wait around for that and walked on out. He had a strategy forming in his mind, now he needed to get a plan together and make it happen.
Felicity was surprised when Oliver called asking for the rest of the night off but she allowed calling in one of the recruits to fill in for him.
She wasn't sure what he was doing but it wasn't her business what he did with his free time or what he considered important to take time off work for. It didn't stop her from being curious about it, though.
She didn't even know if he would be home when Digg drove her back to the apartment at the end of the day.
She said goodnight to Digg who walked her to Oliver's door and didn't leave till Felicity was safely inside using the key Oliver had given her.
Felicity shut the door and locked it behind her. Oliver didn't have one of those state of art security systems which she knew because he believed he was his own security system. Who better to defend his home than himself.
"Oliver?" Felicity called out, walking into his living room. She tossed her bag on the couch took off her coat, throwing it over the back of the couch. She held onto the back as she toed off her shoes.
The smell of food filled the apartment, a delicious aroma that made her stomach grumble with hunger.
"In the kitchen," Oliver called out.
Felicity walked into the kitchen to find the counter, set nicely for dinner as Oliver set a pan he pulled from the oven in the center, followed by a pan of bread.
"Did you make us dinner?" Felicity asked in surprise.
"I did," Oliver smiled at her. "And I got you this," Oliver turned and pulled out a bottle of wine from a container of ice. "Red is your favorite, right?"
"It is." Felicity felt a flutter in her stomach, a light feeling spreading across her chest. "You didn't have to do all this for me."
"I wanted to," Oliver said, voice soft. "Sit please, everything is almost done."
Felicity took the seat and watch him move around the kitchen a quiet smile on her lips, momentarily forgetting that she was doing her best to avoid him.
Sometimes the pull to him was just too strong to resist. Like right now.
He was always so at home in the kitchen. There was always this weight he carried on his shoulders, this alertness about him like he was prepared to be attacked at any moment, it wasn't necessarily a bad thing since it was his job to be ready to fend off an attack but it made Felicity want to pull him in her arms and tell him it was okay to let his guard down sometimes.
That need to assure him everything was fine always left a flash of fear behind. She shouldn't feel this away about him.
Watching him now, it was like all of that weighed him down and kept alert fell away and she got to see Oliver the man and not Oliver Queen the bodyguard.
"How everything go today? Any new problems?" Oliver asked as he set the table with their filled plates.
"No new problems," Felicity answered as he poured them some whine. "What did you do today?"
"Let off some steam, visited my friend Tommy, I believe I've mentioned him a few times." Oliver took the seat across from her.
"You did," Felicity confirmed, she lifted the glass of wine to her lips, tasting the liquid on her tongue, she hummed quietly to herself. "He's a doctor right?"
Oliver nodded, taking a bite of the bread he made. "He is. Works in the ED."
"This is the same Tommy from Thea's stories?" Felicity asked. "Because I gotta say I was still expecting to be more of a wild card."
"He's both." Oliver gave a small laugh. "He's serious when he needs to be but he lets out that other side of himself after a few drinks but he's a good man."
"Much mike yourself," Felicity said, taking a bite of her food.
Something warmed in Oliver's chest that Felicity believed him to be a good man. That had to help his case in the larger scheme of things. He opens his mouth to reply but snapped it shut, listening as a sound of pleasure escape Felicity's lips.
Her eyes were closed as if she was savoring the taste and there was a flush to her cheeks that wasn't there before, her tongue darted to chase the taste on her lips.
He tightened his hand on his fork as desire shot through him, wanting to hear the sounds she was making, the look of pleasure on her face for a different reason, involving him, and absolutely zero clothing.
Felicity's eyes fluttered open slow. "Wow, that is really good. I know I said before I really didn't expect you to be such a good cook. It's like dining at a five-star restaurant."
Oliver laughed. He knew his cooking was good but it wasn't that good. "You don't have to flatter me, Felicity."
"This is not flattery, it is fact," Felicity argued, pointing her fork at him warning him. "Don't knock what I say. If I say it's the best meal I had in years then it is."
Oliver held his hands up in surrender, a carefree smile pulling at his lips. "Got it, it's utterly delicious."
"Exactly," Felicity took another bite, her eyes closing as she savored the food.
Oliver wasn't sure if he was turned on by her utter enjoyment or amused that she was so vehement that it was as good as she thought.
Oliver spent most of the meal just gazing at Felicity, enjoying just being in her presence. Felicity excluded this light and he felt it cut through his darkness.
Felicity offered to clear the table and do the clean-up. Oliver was quick to tell her she didn't have to, he would take care of it but Felicity insisted in the end they compromised and ended up, doing it together.
"So, I was thinking that tomorrow I was going to go out and look for something bigger for everyone to move to, I figured I take you and Digg with me. I could use both of your expertise because we want somewhere that's fortified, somewhere that's big, something that can give them home and not feel like they're being locked away for their safety."
"We can have Slade looked after everyone while we're out." Oliver agreed as they washed dishes. "I think I might have an idea about where we can look. I need to make some calls first."
Felicity place the last dish in the cabinet and dried her hands. "Really? That's great. The sooner we find somewhere the better."
"I agree," Oliver said. "Now that we have business out of way, I was hoping we could talk."
"Talk about what?" Felicity's brow furrowed.
"I know things have gotten a bit tense between us," Oliver began, turning toward Felicity, he took her hand in his and stepped closer. "I know you think I'm being over-protective but that's not it, it's more than that. This job isn't a job for me. I want to protect you, I want to help people. it's who I am."
"I know," Felicity nodded, looking up at his earnest blue eyes. "Who you are is why I feel like I can trust you and trust isn't easy for me. I trust you more than I thought was possible."
But still, there were things she would never trust in a man again. It wasn't Oliver's fault. It is what it is.
Oliver copper her cheek and his warmth soaked into her skin, making her feel at home. "Do you trust that you mean more to me than a job?"
Felicity's heart skipped a beat in her chest. "Oliver," she whispered. She didn't think he would address this thing between them so head-on.
Oliver fell to the look in her eyes, the way she said his name. Like a prayer.
He closed the distance between and pressed his mouth to Felicity's. He felt her tense, her body freezing up and he cursed himself.
He shouldn't have done that.
But then suddenly, he felt Felicity's lips pressing back against his.
He pulled back to look into her eyes, see her reaction.
Her cheeks were flushed, eyes bright.
"Felicity," he whispered, voice low.
Felicity surged forward grasping his face in her hands and pulled his mouth back to hers.
Oliver groaned, he wrapped his arms around, pulling her flush against his front.
She was so small in his arms but so perfect, he licked at the seam of her lips. His tongue sweeping inside when she opened for him, tasting her mouth as her hands fisted his shirt and smooth up his arms, gripping his biceps.
He secured his hand across her waist and lifted her, sitting her on the counter.
He tilted her head back deepening their kiss, pulling her hair free from her ponytail and running his hands through her long strands.
Felicity's hand moved over his back, hiking her legs up to wrap around his waist, pushing him closer.
Her hands dove into his hair, beneath slipping beneath his shirt. He didn't care that her fingers trail across his skin. All he could think about was her skin pressed against his, her hands exploring her body.
He slipped one hand beneath her shirt, her skin was soft as he slid up her ribs, and gripped her pulling her forward and grounding his hips against her, desiring shooting through him.
Felicity gave a gasp and then she was placing her hand on his chest and pushing him back. "Stop, we can't do this."
Her words like ice on his skin. He stopped immediately, removing his hands from her body. "Felicity, I-"
"We can't do this," Felicity repeated, she pushed at him again and he took a step back giving her the space she wanted.
Felicity jumped down from the counter and ran her hand through her hair. "This can't happen, Oliver. It's important that we keep this professional."
Oliver could see the way her hand shook, and how she avoided looking at him. Everything inside of him was telling him that she was scared. Scared of feeling something for someone? Scared of feeling something real. Scard to give her heart to someone again.
"I don't think I can do that. It's hard to be professional when you want to be with someone." Oliver said, wanting Felicity to know how he felt. "I feel like we've been skirting around the attraction between us and I'm tired of pretending that I don't have feelings for you."
Felicity shook her head. "Oliver, you don't know what you're saying."
"Yes, I do. I know how I feel about you and no one can tell me what I feel. I think I know my own heart."
"You don't want me, Oliver," Felicity felt tears gather in her eyes but she refused to cry. "I'm damaged. I won't ever be good for you. You are amazing and can do so much better than someone who still has nightmares about a piece of shit ex."
"Don't talk about yourself like that," Oliver said vehemently. "You're the most amazing woman I have ever known. You're beautiful and smart and resilient and have a strength inside of you that I have never known, Any man in the world would be lucky to have you. I want to be that man."
"No, you don't." Felicity shook her head and took a step away from him.
Oliver wanted to pull her closer but it was clear by the way she wrapped her arms around herself she didn't want to be touch in any way and he was going to respect that.
"I get it you're scared, you've been heart in ways I can't imagine, you were betrayed by someone you loved and nothing I say will change that but you don't have to be afraid of me. I would never hurt you. I would rather die than to ever see you hurt let alone be the cause of your pain. Please, don't turn away from this because you're scared I'll be like him. I could never be like him."
Felicity's heart clenched painfully. Oliver's words while meant to be reassuring were the opposite. He was making very clear how deeply he cared for her and it only made this harder for her.
"I know you won't hurt me." Felicity's voice shook with the effort not to cry, to stay strong. "I know you're not like Cooper but I can't let you get close. I can't care about you so much that I let you have power over me."
If Cooper taught her anything it was love meant having power over someone and she couldn't let that happen again no matter what she felt for Oliver.
"I can't do it." Felicity felt herself breaking inside and was becoming increasingly difficult to keep it together. "I won't."
Oliver shook his head. Love wasn't having power over someone. It was giving yourself to someone, it was caring for someone, it was putting their wellbeing and happiness before your own. It was trusting them with all you have. Your heart, your body, your soul, everything that made you who you are.
"I don't want to have power over you, Felicity," Oliver said earnestly. He needed to be open with her but he also had to let her make the choice of what happened next. "I want to be your strength. I want to be the pillar that holds you up when you need some help. I want to be the person you turn to but more than anything I want to love you and I want you to let me."
His words were so beautiful and God, Felicity wanted to let Oliver be all those things but she couldn't. "I'm sorry but I can't. I just can't." She could no longer keep her tears in as they slide down her cheeks. "I'm sorry."
A/N: I hope you like the chapter. The next Olicity update will be I Can't Let Her Die.
Thank you to everyone still here, reading my fics even though I take forever to update.