October

Hailey stared at herself in the mirror and breathed shakily. Her hair was in a tight bun, she had put waterproof mascara on, and she couldn't do the last step of putting her tie on.

There was a soft knock on the door before Jay opened it, "Hey, you ready?"

Hailey shook her head, "How can I be ready?"

"I don't know," Jay sighed and stepped in the bathroom to take the tie from her hand, "Turn around."

Hailey closed her eyes briefly and turned so her back was to him, "It's not fair."

"No," Jay lightly kissed the top of her head. He silently tied her tie for her then picked up her hat off the counter, "Let's go."

Hailey bit her lip, "Jay…"

"I don't want to talk about it too much," Jay said and walked out of the room.

Hailey blinked her eyes quickly then followed him downstairs and out to his truck. He was staring straight forward with his hands tightly holding onto the steering wheel.

"Jay," Hailey set her hand on his arm, "Please talk to me."

"What's there to talk about?" Jay said while backing out of the driveway and heading toward the church, "We're going to a funeral for a child that shot himself with his cop father's gun."

Hailey winced and pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, turning to stare out the window.

Jay said nothing as he continued driving.

Hailey wiped her thumb under her eye and just nodded.

Soon enough, Jay had parked the car and stepped out. Hailey sighed and got out as well, sending a short wave to Vanessa across the parking lot.

Vanessa looked around and walked over to her, "Hey, I haven't been able to stop crying all day."

"I know," Hailey took a deep breath, "And I thought Jay was fine, but…"

Vanessa followed her gaze to where Jay was standing next to Adam and Kim. "He always seemed to be affect more by cases with kids, right?" she asked softly.

"Yeah," Hailey breathed, "But this wasn't even a case," she looked around to make sure no one was near, "This was just an accidental shooting."

"Wasn't he first there with Kevin?" Vanessa raised an eyebrow, "That could have something to do with it."

"I don't know," Hailey shrugged, "I guess that makes sense."

"Come on," Vanessa set a hand on her arm, "Let's go inside."

Hailey nodded and they headed toward the front entrance. She slipped her hand in Jay's and squeezed softly. He tried to smile at her and walked her inside with the others, sitting in a pew in the back.

Hailey kept her hand in Jay's throughout the funeral. He was staring straight forward the entire time. He didn't look over when Kim's cold made her sneeze into Adam's shoulder or when Kevin cleared his throat so he wouldn't cry. He did rub his thumb over the back of her hand a few times, but that was it.

Adam pulled his tie off and threw it in his car before leaning against the side of it, "So, this is the worst Halloween ever."

"Hey," Kim whispered and rubbed his back, "Don't do that."

"I think I just want to go home and do nothing for the rest of the day," Kevin said.

"What?" Vanessa looked between all of them, "I thought we were going to hang out tonight and pass out candy at Jay and Hailey's?"

"We made that plan before we had to attend a funeral," Adam shook his head, "What's there to celebrate?"

Hailey looked up at Jay to see him staring down at his shoes. She breathed in then slipped her hand under dress coat to lightly scratch his back, "You can all still come over."

Jay's eyes widened and he looked at her, "Hailey…"

Vanessa smiled slightly, "Really?"

"Yeah," Hailey nodded, "We can just get pizza and pass out candy, nothing too crazy. It might make us all feel better."

"I like that," Kim slid her hand down to Adam's, "Come on, I'll drive us home. Your place at five?"

"Sure," Hailey smiled and led Jay to his truck.

Once they were inside it, Jay said, "I don't want to do this."

"Can you talk to me?" Hailey asked, "Please. I just want you to feel better."

Jay drove for a minute, then glanced at her, "He shot himself with his dad's gun."

Hailey nodded and reached over to set a hand on his leg.

"If we have kids…" Jay trailed off and shook his head, "Who says that won't happen to us?"

"We have a safe," Hailey said, "And we always use it when we're at home. It won't happen."

"I'm sure Ken said that too," Jay sighed, "Hailey, it's not guaranteed."

"What happened was awful," Hailey shakily breathed in, "But we can't say that will happen to us."

Jay pursed his lips then said, "I just never thought…having kids…I guess it's not as simple as I thought."

Hailey lightly brushed her hand across his cheek, "Jay…"

"He was alive when the paramedics arrived," he whispered, "But by the time I got there with Kevin he was gone. He didn't die peacefully."

Hailey slowly shook her head, tears once again falling down her face.

Jay's eyes teared up for the first time that she'd noticed that day and she was surprised he didn't try to hide it, so she continued rubbing her thumb across the slightly scratchy edge of his jaw.

Soon enough, the truck was parked back in their driveway and they were sitting in silence with the radio and engine off.

"Do you want to take a nap?" Hailey asked softly.

"Um," Jay cleared his throat and finally wiped his face, "Yeah, actually I think I do."

Hailey nodded and got out of the car, walking around to grab Jay's hand and leading him inside up to their room. She moved to undo his tie, but he stepped back and shook his head.

"I got it," Jay said, "I'm okay."

Hailey raised an eyebrow as she undid the buttons to her shirt once her own tie was off, "You sure?"

"I…I will be," Jay tried to smile at her.

Hailey breathed out before shaking her head and tossing her uniform in the direction of the laundry basket. She opened the closet and pulled out two of Jay's hoodies, slipping into the one from his time in the police academy.

"Thanks," Jay took the other from her hand. Once he had it on, he watched her pull her hair from the bun and shake it out with a soft groan. He smiled at her then reached over and grabbed her waist.

"Yeah?" Hailey turned against him.

He said nothing as he pulled her into his chest and hugged her tightly.

"Oh," Hailey breathed then wrapped her arms around him, "Hey…it's okay."

Jay nodded into her hair.

"Come on," Hailey whispered and pulled him to their bed, "We'll nap for a little before everyone comes over."

"Still can't believe we're doing that," Jay said as he laid back on the mattress.

Hailey rested her head on his chest, "We could use something to smile about today and what better way than to pass out candy to little kids?"

"I guess," Jay slipped his hand under the hoodie she was wearing to brush his fingers along her spine earning a shiver from her. He kissed her forehead then closed his eyes, "You'll stay, right?"

"Of course," Hailey whispered before pressing a soft kiss under his jaw.

Hailey poured the candy into a bowl with pumpkins along the edge and set it on the table next to the front door just as the doorbell rang.

She laughed softly and pushed open the door to see Adam and Kim standing on the porch, "Happy Halloween."

Kim smiled at her, "Hey, we brought tequila."

"Oh no," Hailey laughed harder and stepped back for them to come in, "I thought we were going to just hang out."

Adam stumbled slightly as he bent down to take his shoes off.

"He had a couple shots already," Kim whispered.

"Huh," Hailey nodded, "Well, okay."

"Is Jay weird today too?" Kim asked quietly.

Hailey watched Adam walk over to Jay on the couch then said, "We took a nap when we got home and he woke up maybe half an hour ago."

Kim shook her head, "Adam was saying today was a wake up call."

"Yes," Hailey hissed, "What is with that? We've talked about having kids, but now he almost seems hesitant."

Kim took a deep breath, "I mean, losing the baby definitely changed my perspective on everything, but I don't know if I'd say I swore off kids forever."

They turned at a knock on the door and Vanessa walked in with a tray of cupcakes, "Hey."

"Hi," Hailey smiled and grabbed the cupcakes from her, "You didn't need to bring anything."

"I needed to do something to take my mind off of…everything," Vanessa shook her head.

"We napped," Hailey nodded.

"We took shots," Kim stated, "Well, Adam took shots. I had a shot."

Vanessa couldn't help but laugh, "That's something."

There was a thud against the door and Hailey quickly opened it to see Kevin on the other side with boxes of pizza in his hands.

"Thank you for picking it up," she smiled as he walked in.

"Course," Kevin said and carried it to the kitchen.

Kim, Vanessa, and Hailey stared after him.

"So…the guys are weird," Kim said.

"Can you blame them?" Vanessa asked, sitting herself on the steps to the upstairs, "A boy died because he accidentally shot himself. Cases like this are awful."

Hailey raised an eyebrow, "Have you been sleeping?"

"What?" Vanessa blushed and touched under her eyes, "Do I look like I haven't been?"

"I just have a feeling that you've been staying up thinking about this," Hailey crossed her arms, "I know you."

"You did text me pretty late last night," Kim said.

Vanessa blew out a breath, "Fine, no, I really haven't been able to sleep. I just keep thinking about those parents and what they're going through."

Hailey bit her lip, "Scoot over."

"What?" Vanessa asked again, but still moved over.

Hailey sat next to her and hugged her tightly, "I'm sorry. I should have known this would bother you. We lived together for two years."

Vanessa patted her back, "It's okay, really. Last night I ate cookie dough at one in the morning."

Kim laughed, "Oh, that's healthy."

"For the heart," Vanessa winked and smiled as she pulled away from Hailey.

"Do you want to stay the night?" Hailey asked.

Vanessa shook her head, "I can't intrude, I'm fine."

"We have a guest room," Hailey said, "It's not a big deal."

"Your guest room is Jay's old bed," Vanessa rolled her eyes, "I don't want to sleep in that."

"Shut up," Hailey blushed and shoved Vanessa lightly, "It's fine."

Jay stepped around to the front of the house and raised his eyebrows, "Uh…food's ready and tequila shots are poured. You three want to join us or hang out by the door?"

"I will gladly join you," Vanessa stood and hurried past him with Kim on her tail.

Jay put his hand out for Hailey and helped her stand with a soft smile on his face, "Everything okay?"

Hailey shrugged and hugged him tightly, "I guess today was weirder than I thought."

Jay kissed the top of her head, "It was awful, but I think you guys were right – hanging out together should help."

"Hey," Hailey pulled back and looked up at him, "Are you okay if Vanessa stays here tonight? I'm worried about her."

"Of course," Jay nodded, "I don't mind, as long as she doesn't share the bed with us."

Hailey rolled her eyes, but still laughed and patted his chest, "Funny."

"I know," Jay laughed as he followed her to the kitchen.

"Okay, okay," Kevin laughed and held up a small Snickers bar, "This one is for the person…most likely to get a weird ass tattoo."

"Kim, hundred percent," Adam said.

"What?" Kim laughed and shoved him, "Shut up. I was gonna say Jay. Army people always have tattoos."

"I could never," Jay shook his head and finished his beer, "So just for even having that thought, you need to take another shot as punishment."

"He has a point," Hailey leaned her head back against Jay's knees, "He hates needles."

Vanessa poured a shot of tequila and passed it to Kim, "Drink up."

Kevin watched amused as Kim threw the shot back then said, "My vote is for Rojas. You definitely would get something weird."

"I won't fight you on that," Vanessa smirked and accepted the chocolate Kevin threw at her.

"Oh my god," Hailey rolled her eyes with a laugh, "What would it be?"

"Probably some basic quote and like a cat," Vanessa said.

"That's so dumb," Jay laughed.

Vanessa shrugged, "First thing I could think of. Okay," she grabbed a Kit-Kat, "Most likely to throw up in the street from having too much to drink."

"Hailey," Kevin, Kim, and Jay said at the same time.

Her jaw dropped, "Oh my god! I am not that bad."

"Eh," Adam smirked, "I've seen you get pretty trashed."

"Isn't that how you two got together?" Kim teased.

"Oh whatever," Hailey laughed.

Vanessa tossed the chocolate to her, "Easy-peasy."

"I do not agree," Hailey mumbled as she unwrapped the Kit-Kat.

"Hey," Jay squeezed his knees on either side of her shoulders, "It's okay. I think Drunk Hailey is cute."

"Good cause you're stuck with her," Hailey held up her left hand.

The doorbell rang and everyone's fingers pointed to each other. They waited a beat as they all counted to see who had the most in their direction then Jay sighed and stood.

"You all suck," Jay said, "I was super comfortable."

"Oh well," Hailey smirked and quickly sat in the recliner he just gave up.

Jay grabbed the bowl of candy and opened the door, "Happy Halloween, kids."

"So enthusiastic," Kim laughed against her beer bottle.

"He has a way with children," Kevin nodded.

Jay shot them all a look as the kids picked out candy from his bowl. He turned back to them and his eyes widened slightly.

There was a small girl, maybe five, walking up the steps to the porch behind the other kids. She had long blonde hair that looked like it hadn't been brushed and the biggest blue eyes that matched her princess dress.

"Treat or trick," she smiled up at Jay and held out her small white pumpkin for candy.

"Hi there," Jay chuckled and squatted down in front of her, "Who are you?"

"Marissa," the girl said.

Her dad heard from his spot in the pathway and laughed, "Sweetheart, he's asking who you're dressed as."

"Oh," the girl smiled, "Cinderella."

"Well Cinderella," Jay said, his smile widening when her face lit up, "You look very pretty tonight so I'm going to give you three pieces of candy, how's that sound?"

"Do you have just chocolate?" she whispered.

Jay glanced down and spotted a couple Hersheys bars in the bowl, "I do."

The girl squealed softly and nodded, "Can I please, mister, can I please have those?"

"Definitely," Jay picked out the chocolate and dropped it in her pumpkin.

"Thanks!" the girl skipped away. She was almost at the sidewalk with her dad when she turned and yelled, "Happy Halloween!"

"Happy Halloween!" Jay called out and waved as he stood.

In the living room, Hailey couldn't look away from him. She didn't hear what everyone was saying because she was so enchanted by watching Jay interact with the girl. From her spot, she couldn't see the little girl, but Jay was clearly taken aback by her. Her heart felt like it fluttered in her chest and her cheeks burned. She loved watching him with kids – she had to admit that she had pointed at him every single time the doorbell rang just so she could see just that.

Jay put the candy back on the table before returning to the living room, "Did you guys see her?"

Adam looked up from pouring more tequila shots, "Who?"

"That girl," Jay turned to see if he could see her through the window, but she was already done, "She was dressed like Cinderella."

"Oh I love when the girls are princesses," Vanessa said, "That's so cute."

"Were you ever one?" Jay asked Hailey while lowering himself to the floor by her feet.

Hailey smiled, "I was. I think I did Cinderella like her and then I was Tinkerbell twice."

"Twice?" Kim laughed, "Why twice?"

"Once when I was seven I think and then when I was in college," Hailey accepted the tequila shot from Adam.

"In college?" Kevin asked, "Was it like a Sexy Tinkerbell or a normal one?"

"Hey," Jay snapped, but had a hint of a smile on his face, "That's my wife."

Kevin shrugged, "Just wondering what kind of wife you have."

Hailey rolled her eyes, "It was like a mix I guess," she swirled her glass around, "I went to a party with a bunch of girls and we dressed up as Disney characters."

"I never dressed up as something fancy like that," Vanessa sighed, "I usually got the leftover witch costumes or a classic white angel."

Before anyone could say anything, the doorbell rang again and Hailey found everyone's fingers pointing at her.

She put her hands up in defense, "Wow, I've got it." She set her tequila shot down on the coffee table then stepped over Jay's legs to hurry to the door.

She opened it to see two boys, one dressed as Superman and the other as a vampire. She smiled, "Hey, you two!"

"Trick or treat!" they yelled.

Hailey laughed softly and grabbed the candy bowl, "You two look super cool."

"Thanks," the Superman boy took a piece of candy and ran back to the sidewalk where his parents were waiting.

The boy dressed as a vampire shook his head, "Jay is so impatient."

Hailey paused and her gaze flickered back to the boy jumping around on the sidewalk.

"Willy! Let's go!" the first boy yelled.

The vampire boy sighed and grabbed a piece of candy, "Thank you." He turned and ran to his family, "James, you're annoying."

"William, you're annoying," Hailey heard the smaller boy mock as they walked to the next house.

She laughed in disbelief and slowly closed the door to lean against it. She listened to Jay talking about something in the living room, but didn't turn to tune in even more. Instead, her eyes focused on the gallery wall of pictures she had started to put up next to the staircase. Specifically, she looked at the picture of Will and Jay from their wedding a few months before. Her smile widened as she pictured them on Halloween years and years before and what they were probably like.

"Hey, Hailey."

Kim's voice tore Hailey from her thoughts and she looked over at everyone packed in the small living room, "Yeah?"

"Come on, shots," Kim held up two glasses.

Hailey laughed and rolled her eyes, but still walked over and grabbed one of the glasses, "Thank you."

Jay winked at her and held up his glass in her direction before drinking it quickly with everyone else.

Hailey bit her lip once she finished her shot and nodded back at him with a smile. Kids right now were out of the picture for sure, especially with Jay currently nervous about them, but in the future? She wasn't ready to take them completely off the table.