YOUR reviews helped to inspire this segue. I post it in honor of season four of House Of Cards coming out on Netflix today :) :) :)

I hope you like my playwrighting roots for this chapter!

Part One Epilogue; Part Two Prologue

Meg Barnes: And we are recording.

Erik Understood: Good. This recording is being made by Meg Barnes and is to be put into transcript by Douglas Nadir within twenty-four hours of the recording ending. The recording and transcript are to be shared between Barnes, Nadir, myself, Erik Underwood, and Christine Gallagher only. Barnes and Nadir are to serve as witnesses to the event of verbal contract. All members whether fundamentally involved or witnessing for documentation purposes are sworn to secrecy. This is agreed to by myself, Erik Underwood.

MB: Agreed, Meg Barnes.

Douglas Nadir: Agreed, Douglas Nadir.

(pause)

MB: Christine?

Christine Gallagher: Sorry! Yes, I…oh my god, what?

MB: Hon, do you agree?

CG: Oh. Yes, of course I already said that…I mean, um. Agreed, Christine Gallagher.

EU: Good. Moving forward. Gallagher, state your terms.

CG: Me first?

MB: Christine, isn't this what you wanted?

CG: Yeah, just, god this is all so formal.

DN: Should I make tea?

CG: Tea would be wonderful.

EU: Nadir needs to be present for this conversation. He cannot make tea.

MB: Um…Dr. Underwood, isn't this your kitchen?

EU: He will make a mess.

DN: Cool off, Doctor. I'm making tea.

CG: Thank you, Mr. Nadir.

DN: Call me Doug. That goes for you too, Erik.

EU: I feel it necessary to note for the record. this is being done out of the protection of Christine. Otherwise, I would not bother.

DN: I beg to differ.

EU: That's enough from you, Nadir. Christine?

CG: Yes?

EU: Terms.

CG: Right…Can we wait until after the tea is made?

EU: I don't have that time.

CG: Erik…

MB: I'll state some terms for Christine. Christine, say "agree" if you agree and "disagree" if you don't. Understood?

CG: Agreed?

EU: This is not how these things are done, Barnes.

MB: No, it's typically not. Most people see each other longer than two weeks before they get engaged.

EU: You will not repeat that again or so help me your career is over!

CG: Erik, please!

(Pause)

CG: You won't say it again, will you, Meg?

MB: Nope.

CG: And Erik? Erik!

EU: Yes, Ms. Gallagher?

CG: My first term is that you don't threaten Meg's career again.

EU: That has nothing to do with-

CG: That's my first term and everyone heard it. Right, Meg?

MB: Loud and clear.

CG: N- Doug, right?

EU: Nadir-

DN: Heard, for the record.

CG: Good. Moving on. Um. I…Meg, you were saying?

MB: Yes, Christine's terms. Second term is that Christine gets to choose the date of the wedding.

EU: When?

CG: I don't know.

EU: My first term is that I need to approve of the date.

MB: Then you only get three chances to reject it before it is passed by default.

EU: My second term is that the wedding date must be within the next twelve.

CG: Twelve?

EU: I'd prefer six.

CG: Oh my god.

MB: Eighteen months.

EU: Eighteen!

MB: That's practical and offers plenty of time to plan.

EU: Too long!

DN: Would sixteen months be a compromise? You would have until spring of 2018 to be married.

MB: Christine?

CG: Sixteen months…is fine, I guess. Agreed.

DN: Erik?

EU: Fine. We will be legally married by the end of April 2018. I consent to you picking any date between now and then.

MB: Good.

DN: Your tea, Christine.

CG: Thank you.

DN: For you, Meg.

MB: Sugar?

DN: Not at Erik's house. He's a rather bitter fellow.

EU: I will not apologize for keeping my health in check. Did you not make enough for four?

DN: I thought you did not approve of our tea together?

EU: Damn you, Nadir! Let's get this over with already. Christine, your next terms.

CG: Um…

MB: I'll help with that. Next term: Christine's marriage to you does not imply any sexual and/or relations without her verbal consent.

CG: (coughing)

(Pause)

DN: I'll…clean up that tea, Christine.

CG: I'm (cough) sorry I (cough) -

EU: Agreed.

(Pause)

MB: Good. Christine?

CG: Agreed.

(Pause)

EU: I have a term. I agree to pay for the entirety of the wedding.

CG: I mean…it doesn't have to be expensive. I can pay for something, too.

EU: This is my term. I will pay for it all. Agreed?

CG: Erik…

EU: Christine, you must be the only woman in your position to be so relentless in denying any assistance!

DN: And the only woman I've known to ever give you a chance.

EU: Shut it, Nadir! Christine do you agree, or don't you?

CG: Agreed.

EU: Good. Next term: no one is to know how atypical our relationship is. We are to appear normal for public functions.

MB: Define normal.

EU: As if…we were in love.

CG: I guess that would make sense…

EU: So?

CG: What do you want to do exactly?

EU: What normal people do.

MB: Like, hold hands, hug, kiss, that sort of thing?

EU: More or less.

CG: Hold hands and hugs are fine.

EU: Agreed.

CG: Agreed.

EU: Any other terms?

(Pause)

CG: You don't get to say you love me unless you mean it. Either private or public. No exceptions.

EU: Fine.

CG: Good. Um…Meg? Terms?

MB: Hm. You hurt my girl and she gets to break the bargain at any time she wants.

EU: I would never!

MB: Then agree.

EU: I will never physically hurt her. Ever.

MB: And emotionally.

EU: Amendment, then. If she doesn't let me know what I've done to hurt her so that I can explain myself, the term you've created is off.

MB: Christine?

CG: I think that's…fair enough. Agreed.

EU: Good. What else?

MB: Those are the main things I needed to say for you, Chris. Have anything else?

CG: Um…I get to choose what functions I have to go to as…as your fiancé. And your wife. And you have to explain them fully before I commit to them.

EU: I'll send you my itinerary for the Presidential Inauguration as soon as this is over. That is the only major event this year that it matters for you to be at. Will you agree to being there with me?

CG: I…But what if I don't look like, like what I'm supposed to? Next to Mrs. Walker and everyone…I don't have the clothes or anything like that.

EU: Barnes, take care of it.

MB: My pleasure!

CG: But I'm not asking for anymore things or money, really, I just don't know what I should look like-

MB: No one said anything about that. Pay for it yourself if you're so worried.

EU: And if you feel she is not spending what is necessary, contact me.

CG: Enough going behind my back, okay? New term-

MB: Denied. Anything else?

CG: Meg!

MB: Seriously Chris, anything else?

DN: I have one.

EU: Not up for you to make unwanted additions to this, Nadir.

MB: What?

DN: Christine may create amendments to these terms, as well as add further terms to this contract as she sees fit.

MB: So long as all four currently present are present for any changes.

EU: Fine. Would you like any changes to be logged as strictly as these have been? Or shall we get a lawyer as well.

CG: No, just the four of us is fine. Agreed.

EU: Agreed. Anything else you want to add against me, Nadir?

DN: I see no reason why this term cannot work both ways.

EU: Understood. Agreed. Christine?

CG: Agreed. I think…I think I'm okay now.

EU: Good. Then I have a final term. You have to wear the ring as a sign of our engagement. And you cannot be romantically involved with another else. For the sake of my image.

CG: Agreed.

EU: Then put it on.

CG: What?

EU: The ring, Christine! Must I spell this out for you?

CG: It's been a long day, okay! Lay off, Erik. I'm tired too.

EU: Don't forget I haven't slept in two days.

CG: Obviously.

(Pause)

DN: (laughing)

EU: What the hell is it?

DN: You two make some kind of couple, don't you? Am I the only one entertained here?

MB: (laughing) I'm entertained.

EU: This is maddening. You two are of no help. I need a drink. Are we finished, Christine?

(Pause)

DN: Is she…?

(Pause)

MB: Chris, hon?

CG: Oh god…I'm not asleep.

MB: Sure, honey. Let's get you home, okay?

EU: Wait.

MB: Yes, tyrant?

EU: I'm ignoring that comment Barnes. For the final record, Christine, you fully consent to all terms agreed upon?

CG: Yep, I do.

EU: I consent as well.

MB: Cool. I'm cutting this off now. My battery is nearly dead.

EU: Wait.

MB: What?

EU: Christine still isn't wearing the ring. She needs to wear the ring before this can end. She agreed.

(Pause)

CG: Ring on. Can I go home, now?

MB: Yep, let's go chica.

DN: Unless you need me Erik, I would like to offer to drive them home.

MB: That would be great, Doug. I'll be going back to Eastern Market with her. We good, Underwood?

EU: Yes.

MB: Good. Meg Barnes, signing - C'mon hon, stand up. Let's get you home. Are we taking the orange fuzz ball?

CG: No. Please, no.

EU: Roach is with him somewhere. They're fine.

CG: Thanks, Erik.

EU: Think nothing of it…Thank you, Christine. Goodnight.

CG: Goodnight, Erik.

MB: Okay kids, we're all set. Meg Barnes, signing off for real this time.