The room was dark despite it being around eleven in the morning. Luna had the curtains closed over her window and the lights off. The only source of light was from a small blue light she had plugged into the wall and some random lights from her PC tower blinking under her desk. After Yumi had left the previous morning Luna had not left her bed except to use the bathroom when she couldn't hold it anymore. She hadn't eaten in some time and couldn't find the appetite to change that. "It's what you wanted." she had told herself before she forced her eyes closed to sleep last night. "You told her to leave and so she did. You should be happy." she said, clutching her chest and tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Stop!" she yelled at herself. "You did this to yourself. You need to deal with it and stop crying for a change." Despite her self scolding the tears didn't stop and instead got worse. She was standing in front of her mirror when she had dropped to her knees, grasping for her heart despite not being able to grab it. The pain was familiar but it still hurt nonetheless. She felt like her heart had broken in two and the other half vanished forever from her life. I knew it would hurt but it had to be done. Stop the crying and grow up already. Her words of frustration still didn't stop her crying so she crawled into her bed and pulled the sheets over herself. Soon she felt even worse and the pain had gotten more intense as she thought about Yumi's shy smile she always had when they were together.
This is worse than with Clair. Clair was taken from me but this I did on my own. I drove her away. I was cold and mean and made her hate me, just like I did to Trail. Stupid. I really am stupid if I didn't learn my learn my lesson then but it did have to be done. I have to keep her safe. Luna knew why she had done what she did but she couldn't hide from the hurt of it. "I truly am broken now. My heart has barely anything left of it. It doesn't matter though, I'll be gone soon enough. Maybe if I let him do whatever he wants to me then he'll spare the others." she muttered to herself. An alarm began beeping from her phone and she almost threw it before seeing a message on the screen.
"Hey, sis. I thought I would let you know in case Yumi didn't, she's staying with me for a few days to give you some space. I want to be there to help you but you don't seem to want that this time and I don't see myself convincing you otherwise. I'm really worried about you, and I miss you. Text me back, please. Let me know that you're okay, that's all I ask of you. Try to get better, Luna." "They don't understand but that's not their fault." She turned her alarms off and tossed the phone onto her nightstand. There is no fixing me anymore. I lost everything that makes me who I am and now I pushed the last of it away to top it off. Luna crawled from her bed and drew open the curtain. "At least I'll get to see you again soon." she said, placing a hand on the glass and looking up at the sky.
When she glanced back down at the glass, she saw her own face reflected in it. Brown bangs draped over her face, covering her left eye. She brushed them from her face and saw dark rings under her eyes which seemed a paler shade of yellow than normal. "I look sick, or like I'm dead." Her skin was ghostly white and her hair was a tangled mess that had grown past the shoulder length she had been keeping it at recently. She hadn't bathed or changed her clothes in a few days so her skin looked a little greasy and her jacket smelt of sweat from when she had woken up due to her nightmares throughout the nights. She laughed at the pathetic state she had driven herself into. "Who even am I anymore? The younger Luna was cute and innocent and joked with Tami and her brother. The older Luna was sarcastic and funny and had a lot of friends that loved her. Lightning Dancer was strong and didn't fear anything.
Now I pushed everyone close to me away, I don't smile or joke, and I'm certainly not strong anymore. I guess I'm a new me. I'm scarred, afraid, alone, and ready for the end. If you could only see me now, Clair." Her hand clenched into a fist against the glass and she moved back to her desk where her sketchbook was hidden under a pile of crumpled and torn sheets of paper. She brushed them to the floor and found her pencil near the trash bin next to the desk. Currently on the page was a bench in an open field of roses with petals blowing past the pair of people sitting atop it. One of the girls had long braided hair and was hiding her face in her palms as water dripped from them. The other girl had short messy hair and was standing from the seat to walk in the opposite direction. Luna drew some tears in her eyes as well before throwing the pencil back against the wall.
She hit the desk and tore the paper from the book before balling it up and tossing it as well. Her stomach growled loudly but she ignored it and threw the book aside. She heard glass shatter and looked over to see that a picture fell from her nightstand. Luna walked over to pick it up and cut her finger as she grabbed it. "Damn it." she growled before sticking her finger in her mouth. The picture was of Clair, a picture she had gotten from Karen that was taken just before she got trapped in SAO. "I'm sorry." she said softly. Tears dripped onto the picture as she stared down at the young blonde girl's sapphire blue eyes. "I'm so sorry for giving up. I'm sorry I'm so pathetic. I'm sorry." she cried as she dropped to her knees. A piece of glass cut her leg but she ignored that as much as she ignored her starving stomach.
She clutched the picture to her chest and cried. "What do I do? What would you do?" she asked, hoping for an answer that would never come. Her body felt weak as she sat there and her head began to spin and soon she fell to her side. She heard Shu sniffing her and then heard him whine as he curled up next to her. The next thing she knew, she was standing in a dark room but it was not her own. It was empty and had black tile floors. One by one blue fire ignited in sconces placed along the circular wall that enclosed the room. She then heard thunderous footsteps and when Luna turned she saw a large ogre that stood twenty five feet tall. It had grey skin and dim yellow-orange eyes and held a massive tree in his hand as a club.
Luna stumbled back and fell onto her butt before scrambling away from it. "No, no, stay away from me!" she yelled as it approached. The club raised high and swung down at her. Luna held up her arms before a bright flash of blue whizzed past her. In a second the room was filled with a spider web of lightning as the creature fell to the ground, shattering like a broken mirror. Behind it, lying on the ground, was a girl in charred clothing and a smoking sword dropped next to her. Luna stood up and walked closer to her and reached down. Before Luna could react she was toppled over with the girl strangling her. Luna began hitting the girl's arms to break free but she was being overpowered. When she looked she noticed the girl atop her was herself with a menacing gleam in her yellow eyes.
Her teeth were bared and she was snarling as her hands gripped tighter. "I'll kill you! She died because of you! I'll kill you for this!" the other Luna said as her hands began to grow hot. Luna's vision began fading and her hits had lost their strength before dropping to the ground. Tears rolled down her face to the cold tile and her hearing began to fade. The other Luna's lips were moving but she could no longer hear it and soon the world went dark. Luna sat up in a flash, grabbing her throat and gasping for breath. She rolled onto her side and began coughing before noticing she was in another dark room. One light was off in the distance showing that she was in a hallway.
Luna stood and followed it hesitantly. The light led her to a room where three girls stood in the center. One was Luna but much younger, the person she was on her first day of highschool four years ago. The one in the middle was the long haired seventeen year old she was in the boss chamber where Clair had died. The one on the far left was the person she saw as Lightning Dancer. Her eighteen year old self who had become lovers with Yumi and bought her own apartment and joked with her friends and brother. It was her most happy self. And then there was who she is now. She stared at the other three and then looked behind her to see a mirror that showed her standing alongside them. It was a pitiful sight to see how far she had fallen. The other three showed growth and then there was her, a dirty, weak, pitiful shell of the others.
Then their faces grew to ones of anger and their bodies sparked with strands of blue and black. Their teeth sharpened to resemble fangs and their hair spiked and frizzed as they snarled. Black slits replaced their round pupils and their eyes glowed a bright yellow. Luna stumbled and dropped to her knees. They moved closer as blood dripped from their claws and teeth until a whistle filled the room. A man walked past the trio of Luna's who was wearing a black suit and had slicked back hair. His eyes were dark and empty as he stared menacingly down at Luna. She noticed that her bladder released and she felt her thighs and legs wettening. "I control everything, my dear." he said, his voice distorted but recognizable.
He clapped and the Luna copies dropped to their knees behind him. "I controlled everything from the start. Red Eyes, the dojo you chose, Hollow, everything. It was all my personal game and you played it well, Lunasara." "No. Please stop." she whimpered. He shook his head. "Tsk tsk. I can't stop now, I'm just starting to have fun. It's not fair if only one player enjoys themselves, right?" He snapped his fingers and two more girls crept from the shadow. One had long blonde hair and sapphire colored eyes, the other had dark brown hair with eyes the color of the sky. Both were in chains and the oldest Luna stood up to force them to their knees. She produced a dagger and held to Clair's back. "No, please." Luna said, shaking her head again. When he snapped his fingers once more she heard the sound of a blade cutting into flesh and then blood dripping onto the cold tiles below. Clair fell lifeless to the floor staring at her with empty eyes. A tear streamed from one and dripped to the ground.
Next was Yumi and then they repeated over and over with everyone she knew and loved. She sat there for what felt like an eternity watching herself kill everyone over and over as Fox stood over them laughing and snapping. Luna clenched her fist and a spark of lightning radiated around it but it flickered and dwindled a second later as another Clair fell over bleeding. Finally the three copies of Luna stabbed each other and then Luna woke up. Her body was drenched in sweat and her face in tears and she felt a puddle under her legs. Her breathing was heavy and she still was unsure where she was for a moment. Her head was spinning and her stomach felt upside down. When Luna tried to move she felt her stomach turn and she vomited next to her. She tried to breathe again and another bit of stomach acid came up and spewed onto the ground. Luna felt like she was going to collapse again but she forced herself into a sitting position.
Panting and trying as hard as she could to refrain from vomiting again, she struggled to her feet and swayed. The room still seemed to be ever moving as she stumbled to the door, nearly collapsing as she pulled it open. "Yumi." she whimpered. "Yumi." She had no strength left in her as she fell, reaching for Yumi's door. She dry heaved and covered her mouth out of instinct but nothing else came up. She's gone you idiot. You pushed her away. Luna looked up with tears filled eyes and grasped for the door handle again which seemed to be moving every time she reached for it. Her stomach roared and she gagged again as her fingers brushed the handle. "Yumi." she cried. "I'm sorry." She's not coming back for you. She's better off without you, just like Clair would have been. Without you she might have still been alive and Yumi wouldn't be in danger right now.
"Shut up." she pleaded, covering her ears. It was her own voice she was hearing this time. Her own thoughts that she was trying to block out. Luna tried to ignore them and leaned herself against the door to rest. Even after sitting there for what felt like hours the nausea never went away nor did the dizziness and throbbing headache. Her thoughts were still scrambled and nothing on her body seemed to have the strength to move. "I'm going to die here." she whispered. She laughed weakly at the thought of it. She smelt of urine and sweat and vomit as she sat there against the door with her eyes closed and her stomach roaring at her. "You promised." she heard Clair say again in her head. "I did." she said aloud.
"Luna? Luna!" she heard a voice call out. She looked to the right and she saw a figure running towards her. "I'm sorry, Clair." she said. Her eyes closed to the sound of a distant voice calling her name. Her eyes next opened to the sound of a machine beeping quietly next to her. She had tubes running from her arm to a bag hanging from a pole and she was wearing a bright blue hospital gown. She felt warm again and the dizziness had eased enough for her to see straight. Her stomach didn't feel as sick or empty as it had before either. "Ms. Mirahai, you're awake. That's a good sign." She looked left and saw a woman in a white coat tapping the screen of a tablet. Luna tried to speak but her voice was dry and her throat burned. "We're gonna have to make a permanent room for you soon if you keep seeing us like this. Stay in bed and I'll call your mother to let her know you're up."
The woman left after that and Luna was left alone in the room. She looked around again and looked out of the large window past the beeping machine. She was high in the air as she had a good view of the city outside. I'm in the hospital again. I guess I'm not dead then. How did I get here? The door slamming against the wall made her jump and turn her head to the doorway. A girl with braided brown hair ran and wrapped her arms around Luna. "I thought you were going to die. They said you had to not have eaten in over a week to get like that. They said you went into shock when you got here and you actually died for a minute. I'm so happy you're okay. I don't know what I would have done if you left me." The girl began crying and Luna felt her shoulder growing more wet from tears and snot.
"Yumi." she muttered. "I told you to leave me alone." Yumi squeezed tighter. "I can't. I won't ever leave you again. You scared me so bad when you closed your eyes in the apartment. I couldn't even tell you were breathing and I couldn't really feel your pulse. I can't ever leave again." "Why don't you listen to me? I was so mean to you and you came back, why?" "Because I don't believe what you said. I love you too much to believe that nonsense. I know you were lying and I wasn't going to give up on you like you did to yourself." Yumi said with a muffled voice. Her face was pressed against Luna's chest as she hugged her so tight, Luna started having trouble breathing.
For the first time in over a week Luna felt warm and safe. It felt like being home again after a long time away. I've missed this so much. Luna reached her arms around Yumi but hesitated and dropped them again. She shook her head and reached up to push Yumi off but stopped again. Luna was conflicted. On one hand she wanted to hold her and tell that everything would go back to normal but on the other she knew why she was doing it in the first place. But I would also be dead if she hadn't come back. Why can't things go back to before Fox showed up again? Why should Yumi suffer more because of my own past faults? I love her and I want to be with her again so why am I doing this? To keep her safe, that's why. She thought that was why she was doing it but then Trail came to mind.
To save him, to keep him safe, I did the same thing I'm doing now. I'm such an idiot. Luna looked down at Yumi crying into her chest. This is me keeping her safe. Just like every other time she wound up saving me in the end and all I did was cause her pain. I didn't save anyone or keep her from any danger. I hurt her. I hurt myself, again. I'm no hero, I need to stop trying to play one. I'm the monster that hurts everyone they care about because they try to avoid what they are. "Yumi." Luna muttered. "I'm so sorry." Luna embraced her and squeezed as hard as her weak, tired arms would let her. "I'm so sorry about everything. I shouldn't have done that to you." That was at least what Luna wanted to say. Instead she only pulled her tighter until her arms were shaking.
No words would leave her mouth despite her efforts. Luna took the time to appreciate Yumi's touch and smell. Luna's hands curled into fists, gripping the back of Yumi's shirt. "I've missed you so much, Yumi." Luna hadn't meant to say that aloud but it found its way out and Yumi nodded. "Me too, Luna. Please don't leave me again. It hurts too much, I won't be able to take it next time." I'm so tired of fighting with all of this. I want to be happy again. Fox be damned, I want Yumi and I can't run anymore. If he kills me then fine but I need to end this with him soon. "Yumi, I…" "What is it?" Luna shook her head and smiled. "We'll talk about it later. My mom should be outside now, can you send her in and give us some time to talk?" Yumi nodded and wiped her eyes and nose. "I'm sorry, that was disgusting." Yumi said, apologetically. "It's fine. If I'm being honest, I wiped my nose on your shoulder." Luna said back.
Yumi tugged her shirt to check and Luna laughed. "Ew, you really did." "Your welcome, dear." Luna said, giggling. Yumi grabbed some paper towels from the counter and left the room, wiping her shoulder. Next was Akira to come rushing towards her but it was not a smile on her face. It wasn't an expression of worry either. It was a face that was rare to see on her mother. It was fury. Fury mixed with fear if Luna had to guess. "Really, Luna, starving yourself? Does your life mean so little to you? Do we mean so little to you? What if you died? Have you ever thought about what we would feel if we found you dead on the floor, covered in your own piss and vomit?" "Mom, I…" "No, it's time you listen for a change. I gave you so much freedom and space whenever you asked for it. I was against you moving out but I kept it from you to play the supportive role and Enji thought it would be good for you.
I went along with it and acted like I had full confidence in you but you're not well, dear. You're on your own for such a little amount of time and you break down and almost kill yourself. I heard from Jin that this wasn't the first time either. How much more are you going to put us through? How much more do we have to suffer? Do you even care about any of that?" Luna's anger was rising but she tried to keep a leveled head. She's sad and scared. She's almost lost me three times now and one of them had been by my own mistakes. Well, technically they had all been my own mistakes. She just cares about me so I shouldn't be so mad. "Are you even listening to me? Are you going to throw me out just like you did when you woke up from that game?" "Mom!" Luna yelled to quiet her. "I'm sorry. I know it won't make up for all of the suffering but I am sorry."
"Sorry? That's all you can say?" asked Akira, scowling. Like many times before a switch flipped in Luna's head and words she had not wanted to say escaped her. "Do you want the truth?" Luna's voice was cold but if now was not the time for it then there never would be one. "I broke down because I am broken. What do you see when you look at me? Answer it honestly." Akira looked her over. "My…" "Your daughter, I know that. I mean do you see me as I am right here, right now, or do you see me from before SAO, or do you see the me from when I had pigtails in my hair and ran around the yard with Jin? What version of me are you looking at?"
"What's the difference, all of those are the one and the same." Luna shook her head. "No, they're not. We've talked about it many times, Mom, I'm not the same anymore. I'm not your little girl anymore. I've done things that I'm not proud of and I can't ignore the ways that's affected me. I don't want to repeat myself but if I must then I will. I have suffered just as much as you and I'm sorry that sometimes I fall apart. You're right, I'm not well, I probably never will be. I will be picking up and dropping pieces for the rest of my life because of what I've done and seen. And now the rest of my life might be a short time away." Akira looked confused at those words but Luna ignored it and persisted.
"To answer your question, I do think about all of you and how my actions have been affecting everyone. Whenever I think that I should have died in SAO, or whenever I want to end it all while I'm here, I think about my family and friends. I think about Clair not only telling me but showing me how much my life is worth. I see you sitting over me crying while I'm in your arms dead. I see Jin trying to comfort you all the while. I think about everything and that's what helps me pick myself back up, that and Yumi. Her most of all recently." "Then why now? Why do this to yourself?" Akira asked. "Because I stopped having a reason to live I think. I saw meaning in my death, I thought if I died then everyone else would be okay and I just gave up after that.
Something happened recently that I'm not going to tell you much about. You don't need to know it yet. The summary is that I met a man from SAO at the business party. He said things and I broke down. Given the chance I'll tell you more later but I can't give you anymore than that." "Why? I'm your mother, if you can't tell me then who can you tell?" "Nobody. I haven't told Yumi yet either. You need to stay safe. I won't push anybody away anymore but I will not put you in any more danger." "Don't try to be a hero, Luna. Despite what you say, you will always be my little sun." Akira said. "I'm not being a hero. I am no hero. Every time I try to be one something bad happens. Think of this as me being selfish or rebellious." Luna gave a smile and then held up her arms for a hug. "I love you, Mom. Please don't act like I don't care about any of you. I'm just broken and tired. Can you still accept me this way?"
Akira looked her over and she embraced Luna. "I'm sorry I snapped like that. I shouldn't have said those things. What kind of mother talks that way to her daughter?" "One that cares." Luna answered. After visiting hours were over and everyone had gone home, someone opened the door to her room. When Luna put her sketchbook down she looked over and saw her brother. "Jin? How did you get in here? I thought…" "One of my friend's mom works the front desk. She was the one that let me in here after hours when you were still stuck in the game. Her second son died there so she understood my worry and broke the rules for me."
"You shouldn't risk someone's job like that. She could get in trouble." Luna said. "Tell her that, she started offering to sneak me in after my first few visits. Between us, I think a lot of people know but they still let her get away with it." Jin's warm smile changed to a much more grim expression as he looked into Luna's eyes. He shook his head and wiped a forming tear from his eye. "Why, Luna?" "I don't want to talk about it again, Jin. I'm tired of talking about it. I don't know completely why I did it. I got scared and lost myself, I'm sorry." "Scared of what?" "A fox." she answered. He looked at her confused. "It doesn't matter. I'm all better now and that's all that's important right?" Luna smiled at him. "Don't look at me like that." he said. "Like what?" she asked. "Like nothing's wrong. I can tell by your eyes Luna, you're still scared." "That's funny, my confidence seemed to work on Mom but then again, you have always seen right through me." she said.
She took a breath and continued. "Can we not dwell on that right now? We'll have plenty of time to talk later, right now I just want to hold you." Jin smiled and held out his arms. Luna embraced him and he pulled her to his chest. "Just stay like this for a while and don't talk." Luna said. "Bossy as ever. Maybe I was wrong." Jin japed. "Nope. I am scared. This helps a little though." She paused for a while and enjoyed her brother's embrace. It felt like the safest place in the world. He was like a shield that warded off any dangers. But Luna knew she couldn't hide behind it forever and the time for her to leave it was coming. I have to be brave. I can't keep running scared. "Hey Jin, what would you do if I died?" she asked. "Don't joke like that, Luna, it's not funny." "I'm being serious. How would you have acted if Yumi had found me dead on that floor?" "That's a hard question to answer. That's something I don't like thinking about.
I would be sad and angry and confused. I think most of all, I would feel guilty or ashamed. I would feel like I could have done more to save you and the fact that I didn't meant that I would have failed you when I was needed most." Luna nodded. "I knew that would be your answer." "Then why did you ask?" "I just wanted to be sure." The two stayed embraced for a while longer before Luna pushed him off. "Alright, you've had enough for one day. If I spoiled you then it wouldn't be special anymore. Go and get some rest." Jin smiled. "I should be telling you that. Take it easy for a few days and for all of us, please eat. If I hear that something like this happens again then I will personally tie you up and force you to eat." "If something like this happens again then I will give you my full permission to do so, now go home and sleep." Luna smiled as he waved and left the room. Her smile faded shortly after though. Her hands were shaking and her body was cold.
She went back to her sketchbook after calming herself down before her door opened again. "Jin, I said to go home." she said, closing the book and looking over. When her eyes met his, her face went pale as snow. "Good evening, my dear. It's a pleasure to see you're still well. When I heard about your ill being I canceled all of my plans to come and see you. Your family stayed around like flies however so right now was unfortunately the most opportune time for my visit." "What do you want?" Luna asked forcefully. "Oh, don't you sound bold again. Keep talking like that and I'll have to shorten your ability to do so." He pulled a knife from his pocket and stabbed it into a collapsable table next to the bed.
Luna's hands were shaking and she became conscious of how full her bladder was but she tried to focus on her waning confidence and clutched her hands into fists. "What do you want?" she asked again, more ferocious this time. Fox's black eyes seemed to sparkle this time she asked. "There we go, my dear. Now you're understanding the game." "I don't understand what game it is you're playing. If I knew the rules then I might be a bit more to your satisfaction." You're the Lightning Dancer so act like it. Confidence, confidence. Luna tried to picture lighting around her hands like it would have been if she got angry in SAO or Somerant. The thought helped chase some of her fears away. "The rules are simple, Lunasara, you survive, you win." "What am I supposed to be surviving?" "You'll find out soon enough and I promise you won't be disappointed." He withdrew a pair of handcuffs, grabbed her hand, and slapped it around her left wrist.
Before she could pull her hand away he clasped the other cuff to the bed frame. He then stuffed a cloth in her mouth and held it there so she couldn't scream. "Shhh. There are others who are sick here, it would be rude to wake them." he said, grinning down at her. She squirmed and kicked but breathing was becoming difficult through the cloth and then another cuff trapped her other hand to the bed. He tied the gag around her head to keep it in place before producing a small vial of clear liquid from his pocket. "It's alright, my dear. It will be like taking a nap and then you will be where you belong." "Hmmmm! Hmmmm!" she tried yelling but it came out as muffled groans. She kicked and pulled on the bed but her body was still tired from her week without food. Fox hooked up a tube to his vial and pressed the needle at the end of it against her forearm. "Hmm!" she yelled as she tried pulling her arm away.
He grabbed her arm tight and she felt the pressure clamping down on it. "Stay still." he growled through gritted teeth. "If you make me miss, you will bleed out and I don't want you dying yet." He gripped tighter and plunged the point into her arm and she gasped as it entered. He held the bottle upside down in the air and she watched as the liquid traveled the length of the clear tube and into her body. After a few seconds her head began to grow hazy and her eyes heavy. Her muffled screams quieted to nearly mute groans and her kicks dwindled altogether. The room was growing dark and her mind was drifting to a far off void. Her last sight was of Fox, smiling over her. "Good night, my dear. Enjoy your rest. The game will start soon." She blinked and blinked again and then everything went dark. Her eyes would open no longer and whatever was left of her strength was gone.