When the early morning light finally peaked through my bedroom window, I was already wide-awake. I lifted the comforter from over my head and peaked across the room toward the warm orange-pink sky beyond my apartment. I blinked instinctively when the light met my sore eyes, predictably irritated from a lack of sleep. The new day's light brought me much needed comfort from the night that preceded it, and it was only now that I felt something similar to safety. I closed my now heavy eyelids and my muscles finally relaxed as I felt myself drifting toward sleep.
It felt like only seconds had passed when I was jolted awake by my cell phone's obnoxious alarm. I groaned and pulled it from my bedside table. I hadn't remembered bringing it to bed, but here it was. I furiously tapped the screen to disable the alarm and sighed when the room again fell silent. I lifted the phone to my face and the lock screen stared back at me, notification-less. I groaned again, realizing that a lack of voicemail meant I likely was expected back at "work."
I rolled over, pulled the comforter off of me swiftly and sat on the edge of my bed, my hot feet pressed against the cool parquet flooring. Despite my much more calm demeanour, I had not for a singular moment forgotten about last night's events. Images of the Joker and the sounds of his voice played over and over in my mind like a broken record on an endless loop. A perpetual sick feeling settled in the pit of my stomach and I assumed I would likely feel this way for the rest of my potentially short life.
I groggily made my way to the small bathroom a few steps down the hallway and to the right of the bedroom. I closed the door tightly, making sure to lock it behind me, and turned on the shower. The water in such an old building always takes a minute to heat up so I let it idly run as I moved to get undressed. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror hung above the sink and grimaced, making note of my bloodshot eyes and the purple bags so prominent beneath them.
I guess I'll be packing on the concealer today.
Still watching myself in the mirror, I made a move to pull up the oversized sleep shirt and suddenly felt self-conscious, like I was being watched by a set of eyes other than my own-a feeling I was not particularly familiar with before last night. I glanced around the room, looking for anything out of the ordinary, but everything seemed the same. I noticed there was a tiny gap in the faded curtains that covered the small window, and drew them closer together. That seemed to give me some comfort and I continued to undress before quickly jumping from the vulnerable space of the open room into the confines of the tiny glass-encased shower.
Despite the fact that I was on track to be nearly 40 minutes early to work, I walked slightly hurried down the stairs of the apartment building and burst through the front doors rather unceremoniously. I couldn't stand to be in the apartment any longer, and as the cool autumn morning air of the city and the blaring sound of car horns met my senses, I felt at ease.
I made my way along the front walkway toward the sidewalk and my eyes wandered along the tired faces of the passersby and the slow movements of a city just waking up. Out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of a police cruiser parked along the roadside adjacent to the building. I stopped in my tracks and made eye contact with the policeman at the wheel. Officer Lerner stared back at me, a small smirk plastered on his smug face. I felt my heartbeat pounding against my chest and heat rise to my unquestionably flushed cheeks. I felt like screaming. I felt like telling him what I really thought about him, about everything. But I didn't. Instead, I merely scowled at him before turning my head sharply and walking past the cruiser without a second glance.
I clenched and unclenched my fists as I stomped down the busying streets of downtown. To say I was irritated was an understatement; I felt betrayed and disillusioned by the powers put in place to protect me. What's worse, I felt helpless. As my feet pounded against the pavement in rhythm with the city's symphony of noises, I wracked my brain for ways out of my situation, but my thoughts were chaotic and my anxiety left me without focus.
I wiped away the sweat that clung to my brow and pulled out my phone to check the time. I groaned and rolled my eyes when I realized I was still nearly 30 minutes early with only 2 blocks to go. The last thing I wanted was to get there early and hang around in the station alone again. I hesitated for a moment around a bus stop and gawked at the shops lining the streets. Since I had skipped breakfast, I decided to opt for a coffee at my usual spot just a few steps ahead.
I stepped into the familiar foyer and a wave of warm, cinnamon scented air washed over me. Breathing in deeply, I approached the register and admired the baked goods in the glass cases to the right. The familiar faced barista greeted me happily and took my usual order: a medium dark roast with cream. He was a young, fairly attractive guy, be-speckled and brunette, always with a hint of stubble tinting his cheeks. Nearly every time I come in I see him, and every time I wonder if he remembers me.
"Would you like anything else?"
"Um…" I hesitated for a moment, "Yeah, can I actually get a cinnamon bun too, please?"
"Yeah of course." He ducked under the glass to pluck one out, dropped it into the bag and handed it to me. "They're fresh out of the oven, you're lucky." He said with a wink. My unfortunate response was to let out a quiet giggle.
Nice one.
"Thank you." I finally said, grabbing the bag and handing him my cash.
"No problem. Have a great day." He smiled and it seemed genuine.
"Bye." I said awkwardly as I quickly retreated toward the door, a rosy flush warming my cheeks.
As I approached the GCN building, I tucked the paper bag holding the confectionary into my bag and took a sip of my coffee. I made note of several cars in the parking lot as I passed, one being Kathy's easily recognizable BMW, and I was relieved. I slapped my key card over the lock's scanner and pushed open the heavy glass doors. I noticed Kathy immediately, sitting in a lounge chair in the building's lobby with an open book draped in her lap, but I also noticed someone else. Slumped over the front desk to my direct right was a tall lanky-looking man dressed entirely in black with his back turned to me. I instantly froze. He had on a black beanie and pieces of his blonde hair stuck out from the bottom. It was him. I was in complete and utter shock and I couldn't fathom that he had the audacity to come here again, not even 24 hours later. I felt my legs start to shake and my stomach drop. I looked desperately to Kathy, who seemed oblivious to the presence of both he and I. I tried to call for her but my voice was caught in my throat, like a nightmare. My attention again shifted back to him as he began to slowly turn toward me, drumming his fingers on the front desk nonchalantly as he did. My chest felt tight and I couldn't find my breath, and then suddenly he was facing me…and it wasn't him.
He was a younger man, probably in mid 20s or even late teens with kind green eyes that I noticed immediately.
"Hi." he said, acknowledging my presence and glancing at my key card before turning in the direction of Kathy.
"Kathy, where do you want the new iMacs?" He called to her from across the room.
I felt like collapsing to the ground and curling up into a ball. I could only image the look on my face when he turned around. I felt as all the skin on my body burned with embarrassment.
"Uhhhh…Put them in control room one, we can set them up later." Kathy called back to him and the boy nodded.
"Will do."
I watched him leave the room and quickly tried to find some composure, taking several deep breaths before straightening myself up.
Jesus, get a hold of yourself.
"Good morning, Andrea." Kathy called from across the room.
"Good morning, Kathy." I called back, steadying my voice as she waved me over.
"You're here early."
I smiled and forced out a little chuckle. "Yep." She stood as I came to meet her and touched my arm comfortingly.
"How are you doing today? I wasn't sure if I was going to see you."
I was still shaking but tried to feign a chill, rubbing my hands up and down my arms. "Well, I didn't have any calls from you so I assumed I should come in. Anyways, it wasn't doing me any good just sitting in my apartment." The memory of the Joker standing in my darkened apartment flashed through my mind and I felt suddenly very ill but tried my best to hide it.
Kathy nodded in understanding. "But you had an okay night? Pretty uneventful compared to the day, huh?" Kathy chuckled slightly at her sardonic remark.
"Uh huh," I mumbled. "Pretty uneventful. " I repeated her words through clenched teeth, trying my best not to let the coffee that was rising in my throat make its way out onto the pristine tiled floor.
"Well, that's good."
I nodded as Kathy moved to lead me the usual way passed the offices and executive lounges toward the sound stages, and then down the dark, soundproofed corridors to the editing rooms. The corridors were dim and narrow and as we turned down each new hallway I became more on edge, fully expecting him to step out of the shadows and make himself known at any moment. But, he didn't, and instead the day passed slowly.
Much to Kathy's dismay, the focus and interest I usually had in the work of the station seemed to take a back seat. I couldn't concentrate on her words and constantly asked her to repeat herself, effectively frustrating us both. When lunchtime came, I had no appetite and I offered the cinnamon roll from the morning to the boy dressed in black, which he happily accepted. I sat in silence, clicking through my phone in the lunchroom as conversation carried on around me.
On my walk home, I passed the police cruiser and didn't even cast a second glance, and when I made my way into the apartment expecting a repeat of yesterday, there was no one and I was alone. I spent the rest of the night on the couch watching TV with every light on, and no matter how loud I set the volume, I couldn't drown out my own incessant thoughts and the lingering fear implanted in my brain. Even as I laid down to sleep that night I couldn't quiet my unsettled mind, or my body and I was forced to acknowledge that the Joker was having a devastating impact on me physically and mentally.
But then the next day came and went uneventfully, and the next, and the next, and suddenly a week had passed and I still hadn't seen or heard a single thing from him. The first few days I had grown increasingly restless and paranoid. I barely slept or ate and my body felt the repercussions. However, on the morning of the 4th day, the police cruiser that I stalked by every morning and night had disappeared and as the 5th day came and went without a word, I felt myself moving on. Even my appetite improved, and I slept a full night without waking up drenched in sweat, screaming so hard my throat was sore in the morning. I began to feel like my self again, however...not quite fully. The overwhelming feelings of fear and anxiety that had plagued me for nearly a week now were replaced by something else that I couldn't name. Stranger yet, as the days continued to pass and I grew more and more sure he wouldn't return, this new feeling never faded. It wasn't until a week had come and gone, and the thick fog that had settled over my brain had finally dissipated that I recognized the feeling as something akin to disappointment, an epiphany that left me profoundly unsettled.
Do I want him to come back? Am I sad that he hasn't come? I asked myself questions I couldn't answer; at least, not yet.
(A/N: I hope you enjoyed and don't worry, the Joker will be back soon! A special thanks to Anna10473, Golden Haired Ravenclaw, and Tai'shar Westernesse for your lovely feedback of the last chapter!)