A/N - Hot People: good to the last drop.

"Why are we hanging out here, again?" Regulus asked, eyeing the first years warily. A large group of them were standing at the edge of the lake, jumping around and yelling and making general nuisances of themselves.

"Just ignore them," Barty said. "They're not why we're here."

"Why are we here?" Regulus asked, finally looking away from the first years and towards his friend.

"Because," Barty said. "We should be enjoying the sunshine while it lasts. This is Scotland, after all."

"Uh huh," Regulus rolled his eyes. "And the real reason?"

"That is the real reason!" Barty voice rose with each word. "I like to appreciate the good weather, work on my tan. And maybe if Amelia Bones happens to be spending the day at the lake–"

"There we go," Regulus muttered.

"–then it can't do any harm to appreciate her beauty from afar," Barty continued, ignoring Regulus.

"Creepy." Barty sent a quick glare Regulus' way out of the corner of his eye.

"Like you're any better." He scowled, but his expression quickly changed. "She's looking this way! Pretend I said something funny!"

"What?"

"Laugh!" Regulus let out the most forced laugh of his life. "Well that wasn't helpful," Barty snapped.

"I did what you asked!" Regulus tried to defend himself.

"Well that laugh sounded like it was your first day as a human."

"Hurtful," Regulus said, leaning back in the grass. "Y'know, there is something else you could try. Now it's a bit out there," Regulus warned. "But you could try not acting like a total pillock and maybe use your words." There was a brief pause as Barty thought this over.

"You think that could work?" he asked.

"You won't know if you don't try."

"But what should I talk to her about?"

"I don't know, Barty," Regulus said with an exasperated sigh. "Just have a normal conversation with her."

"That seems a little risky," Barty said, frowning slightly. "Maybe I should come up with a backup plan and try again tomorrow."

"Go talk to her," Regulus said, closing his eyes. "Before I push you both into the lake."

"Why would you push her into the lake?" Barty asked.

"Because I've had to hear so much about her in the past few weeks that it's almost like she's been irritating me herself," Regulus snapped. "Any you never know. Maybe she can't swim any you could rescue her."

"Can we make that plan A?" Barty asked. "I think it'll probably work out better. Less chance for error."

"You could both drown."

"I'm a strong swimmer!" Barty objected.

"No you're not! You don't even like taking baths."

"That's not true! Showers are just much more convenient." Regulus sat up then, turning to glare once more at his friend.

"Stop stalling and go talk to her."

"But–"

"I'll tell you what, if it looks like it's going too badly I promise I'll try to drown you both."

"Should we come up with a signal?"

"Just go!" Regulus yelled, pushing Barty to his feet. Barty took a moment to glare down at his friend from where he now towered above him.

"Okay, but be prepared. Put those seeker instincts to good use, Regs," Barty said, leaving before Regulus could answer.

"I can't see this going well," Regulus muttered to himself, sitting up and crossing his legs, leaning closer as if that might help him to hear better.

"Hey," Barty yelled as soon as he was standing in front of Amelia, startling her and causing Regulus to wince.

"Casual," he muttered to himself. Barty had the first years' attention now, and that of a few other students who had decided to make the most of the rare good weather.

"You look better in natural light," Barty said, still at the same overly loud volume, his voice audibly cracking. Regulus wondered if he might actually have to tackle them both into the lake somehow.

"Thank you!" Barty yelled, louder this time, and turned to run back to Regulus. Amelia stood in exactly the same position, having not said a word, looking completely shell-shocked.

"What the hell was that?" Regulus hissed as soon as Barty reached him.

"Run!" Barty grabbed Regulus' arm, dragging him to his feet and pulling him towards the castle.

"What the hell was that?" Regulus asked again, once they'd stopped in an empty corridor.

"Where the hell were you?" Barty yelled at the same time.

"It's like you've never even talked to a person!" Regulus yelled, ignoring Barty's question.

"She's beautiful!" Barty tried to defend himself, eyes wide and hand gestures erratic. "I panicked!"

"Yeah, I could see that," Regulus scoffed, pushing Barty away from him. "I'm thinking you should probably avoid her for a while."

"But–"

"Try again next week," Regulus interrupted. "I'm sure I can convince my brother to do something stupid. She'll have forgotten about you in no time."

"That's probably not as reassuring as you intended," Barty muttered, glaring at his friend.

"It's plenty reassuring," Regulus said, pushing away from the wall and walking away from Barty. "You need to come up with a new plan, though. One that plays to your strengths." He looked back over his shoulder when Barty didn't reply, and saw the other Slytherin staring at him with wide eyed panic. "We'll get to work tomorrow."