Lena - 2

"Who is this?" Lena practically whispered into the phone, her finger barely steady enough to hit the speakerphone button.

"Eliza Danvers." The voice on the other end was broken from the same grief that was consuming Lena, perhaps a more straightforward pain, but still one born of love. Although Kara's mother sounded sober.

"I'm sorry I didn't call…" Lena started and Eliza made a noise cutting her off.

"No, I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner. I don't know what Kara admitted to, but I needed you to know…" Eliza said, hesitating. This time it was Lena who cut her off, sitting up and trying to focus through a swirl of scotch induced dizziness.

"That she loved me. We had just said it to each other. We hadn't even had our first kiss, date, dance… we hadn't had anything. Just a patchwork of apologies and promises of some kind of future together. I never had a chance to shop for the ring I wanted to give her, or talked about what she wanted for a family. I loved her so much. Eliza… I can't… I can't." Lena rambled, the pain forming in her stomach was too much and she scrambled into the bathroom losing most of her three mouthfuls of dinner and at least half a bottle of Glenfiddich. Lena trudged back to her bed and laid down with her head against the phone.

"It's okay Lena. I'm still here." Eliza's voice felt like a balm, and Lena nodded without really thinking about the fact it wasn't a vocal acknowledgement. "Are you okay, do you want me to call someone to help you?"

"No, I'm okay. It just hurts." Lena said as her vision focused.

"I know I'm trying to ignore the pain, but I'm losing my mind here. If I had known you were interested in her, I would've pushed her harder. I just knew she liked you, I didn't know she loved you." Eliza sounded very upset, probably finding a way to blame herself for Kara's death.

"It's not your fault, Kara was very afraid of love." Lena said, finally accepting Kara's reasons. How could she not, it was all she had left?

"It's because of her past. Did she tell you her secret?" Eliza asked tentatively, because it was still a possibility that Lena didn't know.

"Yes, let's not discuss that over the phone." Lena didn't think she was being monitored, but she couldn't risk Kara's secret getting out and affecting her family and friends.

"Good idea. I'm organizing the funeral, it is the day after tomorrow in National City." Eliza's voice broke on the word funeral, but she got out the reason she called in the first place.

"I'll be there." Lena said, feeling the first bit of a headache. She forced herself up and picked up the phone as she headed to the kitchen. Letting the silence linger for a bit too long as she poured herself some water and dropped a couple of alka-seltzer into the glass. "Not to sound rude, but is there anything else?"

"No, I understand. Um, I do have a favor to ask." Eliza hedged, but still sounded very worried.

"Anything, I'll cover the costs of the funeral." Lena shut her eyes, shaking her head. She had wondered who was figuring out the funeral arrangements.

"No, it's not that. I can't get in touch with Alex, neither can J'onn or Brainy or Nia. She has broken up with Kelly and I am starting to get really worried about her." Eliza started to ramble, her own pain getting the best of her. Lena's breath halted, and again nodded without thinking of the action.

Without hesitation Lena answered, "I'll do whatever I can."

"Thank you Lena, I wish we had a chance to get to know one another before. But you are welcome here anytime." Eliza was clearly crying, and Lena wanted to reach through the phone to hug her.

"Thank you Eliza." Was all Lena could think to say, her voice mostly steady but deep and a bit strangled.

Lena knew she was five sheets to the wind, but she had to at least make an attempt. She called for Frank and threw on a cardigan over her nightgown, pulling on a pair of heels at the elevator. She wasn't sure where Alex would be, but to her the only place that made sense was Kara's apartment. She had wanted to go there before, but couldn't quite bring herself to go. The ride across town was interminable, but the fog of drunkenness began to lift as she arrived. Unfortunately the two flights of stairs proved to be tricky, but she managed without falling back and breaking her neck. Then before she knew it she was standing at the door to the place she had vowed to never return to just yesterday. A surge of pain at the thought of what she had been planning…Revenge.

"Ha!" She said too loudly, doubling over from the effort and losing her footing, forcing her to use the doorknob to catch her fall. The knob turned, and the door swung open revealing Alex sitting on the couch, her elbows on her knees and a bottle of Johnnie Walker blue label on the coffee table.

"Lena." She said without looking over, "could you grab us a couple of glasses?"

"Sure." Lena almost slurred out, but managed to get herself upright and focused as she moved to the cabinet without thinking. A flash of pain forced her down onto one of the island stools, as a sudden choked sob overwhelmed her. She knew this place as well as her own, it was a safe place. A warm place. A place that felt like home… because of her.

"Kara." The name came out as a strangled cry, and she loathed these kinds of theatrics. She chalked it up to the alcohol in her system. No, it was because she had just lost the love of her life. She had the right to be a bit theatrical.

Alex was there, the bottle in hand. She grabbed the glasses and set one in front of Lena, cracked the bottle open and poured a generous glass for her. Then filled her own nearly to the brim before downing it in almost one swallow before pouring another.

"I hoped it would be you." Alex said sitting down on a stool across from Lena, then she held out a hand across the surface of the counter. Lena tentatively reached out and took it, feeling a small lift at the contact.

"We never even kissed." Lena said as she picked up the glass and downed the brown liquid.

"I'm so sorry. If I had known you loved her too, I would never have insisted she lie to you. Every single time she brought it up, I convinced her it was a bad choice." Alex rested her head on the counter, so that they could have level eye contact. Her expression was deeply apologetic.

"That's not important. We got past that, we were so close to starting something wonderful. Alex… how is she dead? Isn't there something we can do?" Lena lifted her head, despite the room starting to spin.

"I talked with Kal, and he took her body to the fortress. But apparently the damage was too extensive because of the Kryptonite." Alex sat upright too, sniffing a few times as more tears began to form at the corners of her eyes. She didn't bother to wipe them away as they rolled down her cheeks, instead downing the rest of the amber liquid swirling in the glass in her hand.

Lena sighed, "I got a call from the Mayor asking if I wanted to speak at Supergirl's funeral. Why did we tell the public that she's gone?"

Alex shook her head in frustration, "we didn't. We think Lillian leaked it."

Lena winced, "goddamnit. I should've done something about my mother years ago." The frustration in her voice mirrored Alex's own feelings. The Luthors, save for Lena, had gone too far and done too much to be left alive.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go after her now. She cannot be allowed to get away with this." Alex's voice was hard, but clearly sympathetic to Lena's conflicted feelings on the matter.

But Lena just nodded, "you're right, and I'll do anything to help catch her."

"You know, you forgiving her, abandoning any plans for revenge and declaring you love meant the world to her. You gave her something she's always wanted. I hope you know that."

"I don't think so." Lena shook her head, it felt wonderful to reconnect with Kara, but it wasn't enough. At least not for her.

"I know so. Lena, you were her person. I know when she was with you, she felt like she was finally home. I could see it in her eyes when she told me you loved her back. It was like she had Krypton back again." Alex smiled, although it was a conflicted one, then her face fell. "Oh god, how am I going to tell Alura?"

"We'll figure it out together." Lena said, squeezing Alex's hand again. "I wish it had been me."

"No, Kara wouldn't have wanted that, you dying would've broken her. I'm sure of it. I think we just need to honor her sacrifice." Alex said, taking a deep breath, shutting her eyes on a wave of grief and tossing the glass into the sink, shattering it.

Lena sat on the platitude for several seconds. Alex meant it as a comforting thought, but to Lena it felt more like a vow. She took a deep breath and straightened up, her voice steady and confident; "I will do everything in my power to make sure the world will be as bright and hopeful as Kara would've made it. Starting with this; Alex, I would've married Kara. I know it. So you would've been my sister-in-law. So from now on, know I will always be there for you, as the family I choose."

Alex chuckled, "you're drunk."

Lena laughed in response, "you're damn right, but I mean it. Is it okay if I sleep here?"

"Of course, this is more your place than mine. I um, don't have anywhere else to go though. So I'm gonna crash on the couch." Alex sniffed and blasted out a deep breath before slowly dropping her legs onto the floor, which immediately buckled and she had to slam her hands onto the island top to keep steady. She leaned forward, her elbows holding her weight. "In a minute." She added, trying to find her balance again.

"I heard you broke up with Kelly, I'm guessing it didn't go well?" Lena asked and Alex looked up at her, forcing her eyes to focus as the world spun around her.

"Oh yeah, it was bad." Alex managed through somewhat labored breathing.

Lena leaned forward on to her elbows, her chin resting in her hands. "Why?"

"Because I realized I was settling, after losing Kara I knew that Kelly wasn't my person. She's a lovely woman, but a safe choice. I broke up with the love of my life because I couldn't compromise." Alex tried to explain, it wasn't entirely rational but her pain was far too powerful to act rationally.

"What caused the divide if I may ask?" Lena asked, her eyes beginning to droop.

"I wanted kids, she didn't." Alex mumbled out.

"That's a good reason to split." Lena said with a shrug.

"Yeah, but I made it about me. I never found out her reasons." Alex countered quickly, having been over that drama a thousand times and still never coming up with a concrete answer.

"Can you live without kids?" Lena asked curiously, taking a deep breath to keep herself awake.

Alex shook her head, and immediately regretted it, managing to mutter out, "I don't know."

Lena sat back, and cracked her neck feeling like she had to say something. It took a moment but a happy smile curled her lips up as she figured out a possible solution, "I privately fund an orphanage that takes in alien children that no one wants. I could set up an appointment, see if you can connect with one of them. Maybe foster to see if it even works for you."

"You would do that?" Alex's eyes shot open, meeting Lena's again and finding nothing but compassion and a strange calm in the other woman's expression.

"Of course." Lena said with a warm smile, "but now I need to sleep."

"Me too. We'll talk more tomorrow." Alex nodded, feeling almost better, despite the ball of unbearable pain still weighing down her stomach.

"I'd like that. Thank you Alex." Lena said as she also attempted to get off her stool and found that her heels were a very poor choice of footwear. She kicked them off and as her feet touched the cold floor she discovered the small temperature shock was enough to give her a touch of stability.

"For what?" Alex asked, drawing Lena from her focus in trying to stay upright.

"The booze." Lena said with a chuckle, before stumbling into the bedroom. Her head hitting the pillow, driving up Kara's scent which settled around her and helped her settle down enough to sleep.