8.

With their work over… with Riku and Kairi on the other side… Ienzo and the others… had to try and move on.

The lab was a disaster storm of papers and books. After everyone was gone, and after several hours heatedly discussing whatever the hell had just happened… in an exhausted haze, they cleaned up. Even was still muttering about the ridiculousness of it all, and it annoyed him and Ansem both until finally Ansem just said softly, "Even, please, I think we could all do with some silence."

Even just shook his head and stormed off to his own labs, not, Ienzo was sure, out of anger, but out of confusion.

Ienzo kept sweeping the papers into their piles. He felt so… heavy.

"I suppose we can ask Aeleus or Dilan to help us move the chair," Ansem said. "We could always leave it until tomorrow, eh?"

"Right," Ienzo said.

Ansem shook his head. "One has a sensation of "what now,"" he said.

"Yes. Exactly."

Ansem smoothed his own pile of research. "Well, I could very much go for some ice cream. What do you say?"

"...Yes… alright."

It wasn't until both of them had their bars in hand that the silence broke. "He'll be okay," Ansem said. "I'm sure of it."

"I know he will," Ienzo stuttered. He watched a bead of ice cream roll down the bar; he had yet to bite. Finally, he did, only to get stabbed with a pang of nostalgia. There had been a reason he'd avoided getting one of these, despite his old love for them.

Holding Ansem's hand walking down the hall to the labs feeling like a very good precious boy for scoring full marks on Even's test-

"Oh," he said.

"What is it?"

"It tastes like the past." He felt tears welling in his eyes, and wasn't completely sure why. "It tastes like…"

Ansem patted the small of his back. "I know."

Weeks passed, then months.

Ienzo was never quite sure of what to do with himself. Since he'd woken as this new Ienzo, he'd always had a goal, something urgent hanging over his head. First it was trying to give Roxas a body. Then it was examining Kairi's heart. Now… pure nothing.

He tried to do some work on the repairs, limited as his knowledge of that sort of thing was. Dilan was insufferable about it, but Aeleus was patient. "It seems like a long while since we've had more than a passing conversation," Aeleus said. "Hand me the wire cutter."

Ienzo did. "Yes. It does, doesn't it?"

"You were always in that lab, or on the phone. One wonders if you even slept."

"Barely," he admitted. "Now I feel as though… everything's just stopped."

"A moment to breathe," Aeleus said. He spliced together two wires in the wall and taped them together.

Ienzo shook his head.

"That's not something you want?"

"I'm not used to it," he said. "All my life I've been going, going, going, and now…"

Aeleus spliced together a few more wires. "Perhaps that will be good for you."

He snorted. "Hardly."

"It's time for us to move on, which is no easy task. For you especially."

"What do you mean?"

He shot him a look. "I can tell you feel overwhelmed."

Ienzo sighed.

"It's understandable for human emotion to feel like too much. We're all on the same page, Ienzo."

"Emotions were not nearly so complex when I last remembered them," Ienzo said.

"You grew up," Aeleus said.

He looked down into the toolbox. "Do you feel guilty, Aeleus?"

He paused. "I do. Yes. The memories of what we did… are everywhere."

Ienzo nodded. Now that he had no directive to be in the lab, seeing that closed, sealed door leading down into the basement… Well. He'd started having nightmares more, about the faces of the people he'd broken, and he'd woken up sobbing more than once. How could he put it right? How could he sit here doing nothing ? But what else could he do to help?

Mixed with these memories were others. What do you think if we did this, Ienzo, is that something you'd like to do? He could see the manipulation more clearly now. I'm sorry. Master Ansem isn't coming back. He's gone mad.

"Can you try it now?"

"What?" Ienzo asked.

"The breaker."

Ienzo switched on the panel. Immediately, the lights in the hallway got much brighter, and he winced.

Aeleus nodded once. "Better." He started packing up the tools. "Ienzo-"

"Yes?"

He shut his eyes tightly. "I must apologize to you," he said.

"Oh, Aeleus, you weren't stealing me away from anything."

"Not that. For… being unable to protect you better."

"In Castle Oblivion? Aeleus, it's all-"

"From Xehanort."

Ienzo froze.

"I knew there was something evil about him, something wrong," he said. "But he knew just the right way to stoke one's ego, the… darkness in one's heart. If any of us had been anything but selfish we could've stopped you from falling onto the path too."

He sighed. "It's alright, Aeleus."

"No, it's not," he said. "But regardless… I hope our own sins don't hold you down."

He wasn't sure what else to say to that.

"Shall we move on to the next one?"

Forgiveness.

The notion of it haunted Ienzo. He felt certain he did not deserve it from others. He hadn't thought he'd be asked to ever give it.

He tried not to be bitter at the others for what they'd done in their past, but the longer he spent here in this castle with these memories and nothing substantial to do, the more he tried to wrap his head around their lies. Tossing his father away and lying to him about it.

Ienzo made his next major task cleaning up the library. It was a disorganized, chaotic mess, and though it kept his hands busy, the silence was utterly piercing. Had Riku and Kairi arrived at this "unreality"? Had they found Sora? Were they okay? He knew he had to trust in them both, but at the same time, he worried. Given that his bond to Riku had changed radically…

He missed him.

He felt tenderhearted, and a fool. Riku was the only real friend he'd ever had near his own age, and Ienzo did not feel secure in his relationships with the others to talk about anything really substantial. It ached .

Time passed.

"Be careful with the nitrogen, Ienzo. I thought I'd taught you better lab etiquette."

Ienzo sighed heavily and adjusted his grip on the canister. He was supposed to be helping put samples of… something, on ice. Even had told him what, but he couldn't remember. Lately everything seemed to be in one ear and out the other. He felt scattered.

"Careful now." With his hair in a cap, and the goggles making his green eyes bulge even more, Even looked a little bit like a bug. What creatures we are, Ienzo thought. "I do so miss the days of our powers. I wouldn't have needed to fuss with all these chemicals."

"Do you?" Ienzo asked, carefully pouring in the fluid.

"The magic," he said, with a sigh. "As much as I try to strengthen what I have left… it will never be as it was. That's enough. I said that's enough. "

Ienzo set the canister down. They both watched the steam roll as the nitrogen boiled, and Even shut the lab's freezer.

"Indeed, what has gotten into you?" Even asked. "You were never one for absent daydreaming."

"I'm sorry, Even," he said dully.

He frowned. He took off his goggles and gloves and went over to the sink to wash his hands. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yes. Fine."

"Will I need Aeleus to drag you to bed again?"

He scowled. "No."

Even took off the cap, a long braid falling over his shoulders. Not for the first time, Ienzo noticed that the ends of that hair were singed . He caught Ienzo staring and raised an eyebrow. "How have… things been for you?" he asked awkwardly.

"What do you mean? The days are the same as they ever were."

"Are they?" Even asked. "I've been seeing you wander the halls aimlessly. If you need something to do , Ienzo, we can catch up on your chemistry education."

He shook his head slowly. "With… no life or death task at hand… lately I feel as though… I'm stuck in mud." He started shedding his own protective garments.

"That's no surprise. I do too." He sighed. "To suddenly be thrust back into a normal life… is to suddenly be thrust back into a normal life. After some ten years of abnormality."

"...Quite." He recalled when he was a child, and he'd felt quite comfortable telling Even everything.

Even, in fact, had been the one to tell him about Ansem. "What does that look mean?" Even asked.

Ienzo frowned. "I'm… curious. Why did you do it?"

"What? These samples? I'm exploring a new type of replica tech for Xion, Roxas, and Na-"

"Not that. Why did you lie to me all those years ago?"

All of the color left Even's face, and the only audible sound was the soft hum of the machinery.

Ienzo pulled the bobby pins from his bangs. "I don't ask this to be confrontational," he said. "I just… truly, the more time passes, the more I want to know."

Even squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again. "The truth, the whole, complete truth… is that I feared for our lives."

Ienzo rolled his eyes.

"I mean it," Even said in a low voice. "Even with darkness gnawing at our hearts, do you think we didn't know Xehanort was twisted? That we didn't know what we were doing was wrong? The thing is… with darkness… with sheer old-fashioned cognitive dissonance… we believed that the discoveries we were making… offset the human cost." He sighed, and sat down heavily on one of the stools.

Ienzo waited.

"He wanted more subjects," Even said tiredly. "Once we had run through our mill of the willing… then the coerced… after that, Ansem had found us out. And that he had… well. We were hungry. If Ansem didn't disappear, and the experiments didn't continue, he would instead use us . Namely… you. He was interested in children by then."

Ienzo felt weak.

"It's the hardest, and worst, decision I've ever made in my life," Even continued, "Seeing we obviously became experiments ourselves. But I think the three of us were… trying … to protect you in the last way our twisted and darkening hearts could. It was Ansem or you and I chose you."

He felt dizzy.

"I shouldn't have lied, I know that much. Or even if I lied I should've told you the truth soon afterwards, when you could take it. But I was deathly afraid of word of you knowing somehow getting back to Xehanort. I'm not sure why that felt so urgent. Maybe you would've said something ill against him, and you were so small , I was afraid he'd…" He swallowed. "Ienzo, I'm not sure how I can impart to you how sorry I am. I don't deserve your forgiveness. If I could go back right now and stop it all I would. I was vain, I was foolish, I thought it was… all worth it. But none of it was. Nothing."

Ienzo had never seen this side of Even before.

"And yet somehow we're still alive," he continued wryly. "We're alive. We're whole. Somehow the town hasn't come after us with torches and pitchforks. That has to mean something. I… plan to dedicate whatever's left of my life to making things better, easier, for the people of this town. I know it's some hope."

"I see," he said, numbly. "Thanks for that."

"It's because of all that you grew up a husk," Even murmured. "And for that… I'm sorry, Ienzo."

Ienzo realized he didn't forgive him. Not yet. "I know," he said.

Even stood. "I think you, out of all of us especially, get to deserve to try for something like happiness," he said.

"You do?" he asked dryly. "But I… even I have done awful things-"

"Things you wouldn't have done, I'm certain, if we hadn't guided you onto that path," Even said.

"Don't exonerate me," Ienzo said, with something like panic.

"It's the truth," he said. "You can't expect your younger self to have magically risen above. If you'd gone against us, Ienzo, with no Ansem, where would you have gone? Would you have known how to survive?"

Something tight and hot surged in his breast and throat.

"You wouldn't have," Even said. "You were a… a rather sheltered child. Ienzo, I just… I hope you can learn to forgive yourself. You're too young to suffer your whole life."

He felt like he couldn't breathe, like he was being crushed from the inside out. He found himself being eased onto one of the stools. He was sobbing, disjointedly, an awful aching weight inside of him beginning to lift because Even was right.

"Oh dear. That made it worse, not better, didn't it," Even said. He offered Ienzo a tissue.

"No," he sobbed. "I… I think I understand."

"Let it out," he said. "Let it go."

So Ienzo did. Awful, and humiliating, but at the same time a weird pressure was beginning to ease. Even rubbed circles into his back. It seemed to take a long, long time, and when he was through he felt exhausted, but not as horrible as he thought.

"There we go," Even said, in a voice Ienzo remembered from his childhood. "Better?"

Ienzo swallowed. "I… I think so."

Ienzo… took time. He walked a lot, even as the fall deepened into winter into spring. He read a lot of novels and kept doing repairs and tried to understand what it meant to be human.

Ienzo missed Riku.

Nobody had heard from any of them since the last he'd seen. He thought often of their kiss, what it had made him feel. Wondered if he would ever get to do it again, or if it were just a memory. Wondered what exactly this affection meant. More than like, more than attraction. Surely not love, not yet? He tried not to dwell on it much, tried to let the feeling pass like it was a bad cold. But it didn't.

He was dozing over a pile of books in the library when his phone rang. It was late at night, so late as to be early. Sleepily, he stirred to look at the caller ID, and his heart jackhammered into his throat. He looked-he was sure he looked absolutely hideous-he scrambled to smooth the hair over his face. "Hello?"

The lighting on Riku's video was awful, but Ienzo could see most of his face, some of it partially obscured by hair that had gotten even longer. He looked a bit thin, and very tired. "Ienzo. Ienzo."

"You're back." He couldn't restrain the emotion anymore.

"I'm back. I'm home."

"You're okay?" They were nearly talking over each other.

"I'm fine. I'm fine. I just got in, I just saw my parents, I knew I had to talk to you. I wanted to. I needed to. I…" He sounded choked up.

"How are your friends? Did you find him? Are they okay?"

"Sora and Kairi are fine. They're with their families. We're home."

"You're home. It's okay. You're okay." He wasn't sure if he was stating a fact or trying to comfort him.

"I'm sorry I'm so emotional-"

"No, don't be, this is huge." Ienzo swallowed his own tears. "It's so good to hear your voice."

"Yours too."

A long pause. "You must be exhausted," Ienzo said. "You should try to get some rest."

"I just wanted to let you know I'm here."

"Thank you." He wondered if he should admit it. "I've… thought of you often."

He laughed. Ienzo noted it sounded quite weak. "What, did you miss me?"

"Much to my chagrin." His heart was in his throat. "Though I guess you were too busy adventuring to think of me at all."

His face fell just the slightest.

"I'm… I'm sorry. That was a bit tactless."

"It's not you," Riku said. "It's just… it was really… a lot, I'm still… trying to accept how it all went down." He took an audible breath. "But I did miss you. Kairi… wouldn't let me live it down. Guess we didn't seem so slick."

He laughed a little.

"I'm not even sure how long it's been for you guys, between the… the worldines, and the unreality, and the… I'm dizzy. "

"Six months."

"...Oh. Wow, that's… more than I thought."

"I'm just so glad you're alright. I've been worried. You made me worried."

He laughed. "Well you don't have to worry anymore."

"I guess not." He didn't quite feel the relief yet, still shaky with adrenaline. "Thanks for calling. You didn't have to do it instantly. "

"I sorta did," Riku said. "I wanted to let you know."

"When things… settle, when you get some rest. Will you call again? Or write me? Tell me what exactly you've gone through?"

"Yes. I will, I'm just… I should… talk to my parents, my mom's watching me out of the backdoor to make sure I don't disappear."

"Of course. Be with your family. Be home. I hope you can enjoy it."

"...Thank you. Um-"

"Until next time."

"Right. Yes."

He hung up, and for a long time Ienzo just sat starting at the blank phone screen. He let out a long, long sigh.

Riku was back. Riku hadn't forgotten about… whatever they'd had. He'd made it a priority.

Ienzo hugged the phone to his chest, feeling like a schoolboy.