15.
The next day, Riku decided to take him over to the biggest island. "You sure you'll be okay?"
The heat hadn't been nearly as unbearable. Part of Ienzo wondered if Mariko had actually cast some kind of spell on him. "I'm fairly sure. We'll be mostly indoors, right?"
"Depends on what you want to do."
"Well, I promise I won't faint again," he said.
They bought tickets and boarded the ferry. At the stern, Ienzo watched the turquoise water churn under the motor. Riku rested an arm around his waist. Ienzo nearly said it, nearly let the words past his lips. But he wondered if Riku already knew. He rested his head against his shoulder, breathing in the minty smell of his shaving cream.
The main island had a noticeably more urban feel to it. More people were bustling about, trying to get to school or work. Riku said most of the people who lived here lived in apartments, not houses, and for a little while Ienzo gawked at the colorful apartment buildings. Everything just felt so vibrant, so full of life. They did a tour of the capitol building, and only due to Riku's extreme boredom did Ienzo not spend hours in the hall of records. To see a fully functioning, thriving government honestly excited him.
They also went to the art museum, which Riku seemed more into, and Ienzo wished he knew more about art. Radiant Garden used to have cultural events and touchstones like this, but they'd mostly been destroyed in the fall and were not regarded as true priorities. After getting a quiet lunch in a small cafe, they hit the road again. Riku kept asking him if he felt hot, if he needed to sit, but honestly, Ienzo felt the best he'd been on the islands. Walking hand-in-hand with him, drinking in all this life, Ienzo felt… happy.
Their wandering brought them down the main mall to the university, which was larger than Ienzo thought. "Well, there is only one," Riku pointed out. "It's gotta be big enough for everything." The buildings were old, stately and marble, the lawns neatly manicured. They wandered for some time.
"Have you been here before?" Ienzo asked.
"Sure. They take all the high school juniors over for a tour, a breakdown of courses, all that."
"So do you automatically get in?"
Riku barked a laugh. "No, you have to test in at the end of grade twelve. Depending what you want your field to be, it can be a nightmare, so I've heard. A lot of people really stress over it."
"What would you study, if you wanted to come here?"
Another wry laugh. "Let me finish grade twelve and I'll get back to you."
Ienzo had nearly forgotten. "Is that something you would want?"
"Honestly? I'm not totally sure. I guess I could start with gen courses-if I even get in-and see if I like anything enough to get a degree in it. I did okay in school, but it wasn't like, my thing." He shrugged.
"I see."
They sat in a courtyard. Ienzo kept seeing people rush past, people their age, carrying books, riding bikes or skateboards, chatting or playing frisbee, flirting. In another life, this could've been him.
A small voice inside of him said, it still could be.
He remembered Riku telling him he didn't have to stay in Radiant Garden. He could leave, become his own person, find life for himself, at least for a little while. That it might help him atone for his mistakes, if he had a better sense of self, better mental health.
Ienzo realized he deserved a future.
It was a quiet realization, but a heavy one, and he felt his eyes water. Riku touched his shoulder. "Hey," he said softly. "Are you okay?"
"Yes," Ienzo said. "I just…" He took a breath. "I just realized… or perhaps accepted…" He swallowed. "I deserve to… be alive? To… do something for me?"
"Of course you do," Riku said. "But that's… that's amazing, Ienzo."
"I could… I could go… here. I could just… do that." The tears tasted salty.
"Here? Like, here, here?"
He nodded. "Study something I want to learn, choose… the best way to be better so I can… move on."
Riku smiled. He cupped Ienzo's face.
"The future is so vast, I just… I didn't let myself see it." He was dizzy. "I could be so much more…"
Softly, Riku said, " We could be."
He kissed him. Ienzo laughed. He felt so relieved all of a sudden, as though the weight of the world had fallen from his shoulders. "Oh, this is going to be a mess," he said. "Explaining it to Ansem, and Even, and… I have to hope I get in -"
"You'll get in," Riku said. "You're too smart for your own good."
"And I'm sure they don't know how to deal with immigrants, I don't even exist in your systems, it's going to be a bureaucratic nightmare-"
"Hours at social services," he said, grinning widely.
"I need to find somewhere to live, I need a job, I need…" He laughed harder. "God, I must be insane. But I want everything. "
"I love you," Riku said.
Ienzo couldn't speak for a moment.
"You don't have to say it back-"
"I love you, too." He pulled him into his arms and held him tight, tight. When he finally let go he saw Riku was teary as well.
"Let's go find the future."
By the time they got back Ienzo still felt impossibly light. As soon as the door to the apartment had shut behind them he pulled Riku close and kissed him, hard, feeling him respond equally. Riku took his hand and led him over to the bed.
Ienzo tried not to think about what might happen if he couldn't cum again, instead just trying to enjoy him, pulling his hands up through that hair and undoing the ponytail it had been in all day. He pressed Riku down against the mattress and felt him fumble at the buttons of Ienzo's shirt.
Riku leaned up to kiss his throat, his scar, gently running his tongue across it, and Ienzo felt dizzy. He reached to slip off Riku's own shirt, seeing the moonlight all along his skin. They were sort of grinding against each other, and feeling his dick harden against him made Ienzo shudder. Please, he thought towards his body, almost desperately. Please just this once. Riku reached down to rub at him through his shorts, a small noise leaving him. He fumbled to get his clothes off, and Riku helped him.
Ienzo leaned down to kiss him, his chest, all the while feeling him stroke him so gently. "Can we… can we try again?" he asked.
"Yes," he said, his voice breathy. "Please."
Ienzo got up. He saw Riku kick off his shorts and underwear, his face flushed. With shaking hands he took out another condom from its box in the dresser. "I want to… try this differently," he said. "Maybe kind of like sitting up?"
"Okay. I trust you."
"Just try…"
He sat at the edge of the bed. "Here?"
"Yes." He heard the fluid whooshing in his ears. With trembling hands he took it out of the packet and crossed back over to Riku. He willed himself to just try not thinking about it for once. Ienzo straddled him and immediately felt Riku start touching him again. "You're being distracting."
"Good," he said, smirking. He kissed Ienzo's scar again, and he struggled to get the condom on him correctly. "Let's just try, okay?" He was stroking him in that way that always brought him most of the way there.
"Okay."
Riku helped him ease it inside. Ienzo immediately noticed the difference; it wasn't painful, for one. He thought he could feel more this time, less distracted by the stretching and the pain. Maybe the angle was helpful too. "Ready?"
Ienzo nodded. It was still a bit awkward to find a rhythm that worked, but after a moment they seemed to find one that didn't make him feel like he was about to fall backwards onto the floor. Riku held onto his hips and pulled him into a kiss.
He didn't want to set himself up to expect something that wasn't going to happen, but feeling the gentle, and then not so gentle, push and pull, Ienzo thought he might feel him hitting something he hadn't noticed before. "That," he said, not wanting to get ahead of himself.
Riku pushed against him a little harder. "Here?"
A flashburn of something so much more than just nice . "Yes," he said, with difficulty.
"Okay."
Ienzo kissed him again, feeling his focus get pulled back towards his body, but for some reason this wasn't as daunting or disgusting as it normally was. This was meant to make both of them feel good, and after letting the weight of everything else go, letting the one last defense go did not seem difficult. He heard himself moan.
"Oh, that was-that was actually you, okay." Riku's excitement was clear. He returned to his throat, his scar, and Ienzo felt something threatening to give way, all of the need rising and tightening in him. He waited for it to stop at the usual point, to faceplant him back into frustration, but Riku pressed into him still deeper. Ienzo shuddered.
He almost wanted to not acknowledge the sensation, lest he scare it away, but it was almost impossible, the edges of his vision losing sharpness. Ienzo felt something start to bloom, almost, Riku pulling him still closer and returning to the scar, and Ienzo shattered.
It all felt so rich, so complex, a strange and beautiful paroxysm, making him moan again. Feeling it happen with Riku still inside of him only intensified it. A bright, thick, unbelievable relief swept over him. "Fuck," he said. " Finally. Fuck."
Riku moaned against his shoulder, and Ienzo felt him cum, one last small shiver of pleasure passing through his own body. He wasn't sure he'd ever felt this relaxed, this happy. "I felt that," Riku said, in a sort of wonder. "God."
They remained there a moment, a messy tangle, and Ienzo couldn't help but laugh. "I feel so much better. " It had happened, and they were both fine. The world hadn't ended. It felt like it had just started.
"Fuck, I bet you do. God. " He kissed him. "Now we just have to figure out how to do it again."
"Yes," he said, still reeling. "Yes, I'm amenable." He eased off of him and flopped down onto the bed. "I almost… I almost didn't think I could. "
He threw out the condom and joined him. "Well, we got it now."
Ienzo rested his head against Riku's chest. "I guess we do."