Reality
A/N: I intend for this place to be a collection of series of stories and outtakes that I may think of. This is the first story I thought of and is to be only a one-shot. I don't have any other ideas as of yet but am actually working to continue my other story, Return of the Princess. Yes I know its been YEARS but hopefully this story is a warm up to typing out whatever is in my head for that story.
This particular story takes place after Xiaoyanzi, Yongqi, Xiaojian and Qing'er moved to Dali in HZGG 3.
*Warning*: Contains suicide/depression/PTSD themes so if you are prone to getting triggered please don't read. Nothing bad actually takes place, just contemplations.
It happened a few years after Xiaoyanzi, Yongqi, Xiaojian and Qing'er moved to Dali. They had decided to take a vacation and visit Hangzhou again, and at the same time pay respects to Xiaoyanzi and Xiaojian's parents.
They stopped for several days in a small town, more of a village really, as Qing'er had caught a cold and Xiaojian wanted her to rest before travelling again. Meanwhile, Yongqi and Xiaoyanzi took a short tour of the local market, which was incredibly small, and soon found themselves wandering along the banks of a river in the countryside just outside of the town.
"This place is boring." Xiaoyanzi grumbled as they strolled along. Yongqi smiled and wrapped his arm around her waist. "But down you think it's rather nice and peaceful? I do like these alone and quiet times with you, you know?" He said.
Xiaoyanzi blushed slightly. She did as well but she sure wasn't going to say it aloud. However Yongqi caught sight of her blush and knew. They enjoyed the silence as they walked along the river bank, just being in each other's company. It was a luxury that rarely came by, especially since their first child was born.
Suddenly, Xiaoyanzi's eyes widened and she clutched at Yongqi and pointed. "Isn't that a maiden walking into the water, as if determined to die (视死如归)?"
Yongqi frowned and looked. The maiden was draped in an all-white flowy gown and was walking steadily into the seemingly calm river, sinking deeper with each step. "Wait here, I'm going to get her." He took off his outer garments and began wading into the water towards the maiden. "Good thing it's almost summer. " he muttered to himself. The water was still cold.
"Miss!" he began shouting as he got nearer to her. "Stop, please. Whatever you are going through can surely be resolved! My wife and I can help you!" Xiaoyanzi looked on anxiously.
The maiden didn't stop nor turn around but continued steadily. "It's no use. Thank you for your kindness sir, but don't get yourself wet or dirtied for the likes of me. It is not worth it."
Yongqi sighed and rushed on, finally managing to grab hold of the maiden towards him.
The maiden screamed and shouted "Let go of me!" and whirled around, and to both their shock and horror, gasped,
"Wu Ah Ge!"
"Han Xiang?!"
Yongqi was shocked beyond shocked. Hanxiang looked up and saw Xiaoyanzi in the distance and burst out crying desperately. Yongqi quickly carried her up and made his way back.
"Hanxiang, it's Hanxiang!" He shouted to Xiaoyanzi who came running forth, hand over mouth in terror. What must have happened for Hanxiang go want to take her life like this? Was Mengdan dead?
"Hanxiang?" Xiaoyanzi rushed towards her and wrapped her in a hug, trying to comfort her as she cried deeply and hopelessly. Soon Xiaoyanzi began crying too. "Hanxiang, I missed you so much! What happened? Where's Shifu?"
At the mention of Mengdan, Hanxiang cried harder and more wretchedly. Yongqi squeezed his wife's arm warningly. Now was not the time for questions. Xiaoyanzi understood his tacit meaning.
Finally, Hanxiang's sobs slowly subsided. They had sat on the grass, with Xiaoyanzi holding onto her tightly, trying to comfort her the best she can. She looked pale and listless. Xiaoyanzi squeezed her hand tightly. "We're here now and you know we will help you the best we can." She said softly. "Shall we go back to the inn we are staying in so you can get cleaned up? Xiaojian and Qing'er are here too."
Hanxiang looked up in shock. "Qing Ge Ge? Is…is…Huang…"
"No, no one else except the 4 of us is here. You are safe." Yongqi quickly cut in.
Hanxiang nodded, clearly plagued by troubles of her own to ask further.
Yongqi looked at Xiaoyanzi who gave him a small smile. She gently helped Hanxiang to her feet and they slowly made their way back to the village.
It was the next day before they could all sit and talk. Hanxiang, exhausted by the day's events, fell asleep once she had a bath after assuring both ladies she won't attempt to take her life again. Xiaoyanzi and Qing'er were horrified to see the amount of bruises and cuts on her as they helped and tended to her. "Yongqi, Ge, it was horrible!" Xiaoyanzi lamented after they came out of her bed chamber. "Her entire body is covered with injuries…..old ones, new ones….."
"Xiaoyanzi!" Qing'er gave her a look and shook her head. It wasn't their place to say or comment on anything.
Xiaojian and Yongqi exchanged a look. Clearly Hanxiang and Mengdan did not have it easy since leaving the Palace. No wonder they didn't appear in Dali.
So it was now, after a quiet breakfast in their rooms when Hanxiang finally asked them what were they doing in that part of the country. Everyone had been trying to give Hanxiang space until she was ready to talk.
"Well, in short, we left the palace. Qing'er is no longer a Ge Ge and is married to Xiaojian who is my blood brother. Yongqi too left everything for me. He is Ai Qi now. We are all commoners now residing in Dali." Xiaoyanzi explained.
"What?!" Hanxiang exclaimed.
Xiaoyanzi waved her hand as if to shake it off. "It's too much of a long story to tell you now. We are now concerned about you! What were you thinking, trying to drown yourself yesterday?"
"Retribution." Hanxiang said softly. "It's retribution for all the sins I have committed – going against my father's wishes, disappointing my people, and the Emperor…..oh God!" she buried her face in her hands.
Everyone kept silent, knowing they needed to give Han Xiang time.
"I had been so idealistic, you know. Youthful notions of romance and happily ever afters, not realising the realities of real life." Hanxiang finally said, staring at her teacup. "What 'You are the wind, I am the sand….'." she gave a short bitter laugh. "All false hopes and promises…..all acted on the spur of emotions that ebbs and fades….it's childish really. Emotions aren't dependable. They are driven and tossed by the wind depending on circumstances. No…I do not want to be in the air, to be pushed around by the wind anymore like the sand. The only place left is to be in the water."
Xiaoyanzi furrowed her eyebrows, unable to understand. The others looked puzzled too.
Hanxiang took a deep breath. "We were so happy at first, you know. No one to obstruct us. But then our money ran out. We knew we had to lead low profile lives so initially we didn't want to live in too small of a town or village so people wouldn't know us. We settled in Mailian, a large town not too far from here. It was big enough to remain in the background but small enough for our liking. But he couldn't find a job! He…..he…..you know we grew up together? He was royalty too you know. He never had to work for money before. His father was rich and had always lavished on him. I was the one and only thing he could not possess. I thought I was in love with him…I supposed he too thought he was in love with me. It seemed so romantic, didn't it? The entire story of me unable to marry him because of my duty and he having to fight to get me….us having to elope….in addition to the story of You are the Wind and I am the Sand…." Hanxiang scoffed bitterly. "But it was nothing more than youthful infatuations that faded over the test of time." She paused. "I need some wine," she said.
Xiaojian nodded and went to get some while everyone waited in silence. He poured her a small cup and she gulped it down, as if it gave her courage to keep telling her story. Clearly it was unpleasant, but apparently she trusted them enough to give them an account without any encouragement.
"The jobs in these towns," she continued, staring into blank space "all require some kind of service or hard labour….and he just couldn't get used to it. He didn't like it. He would hop from job to job, complaining people cheated him of his wages…..but Mailian is still considered a small town! And the magistrate there is fair. People cannot cheat because everyone would eventually find out. I…..I…..really don't know what happened to him. He no longer was the person I knew. Then….." Hanxiang bit her lip, and looked down. "He took up drinking. He began to drink heavily…"
Qing'er, eyes full of compassion, laid her hand gently on Hanxiang's arm, "Was that when he began beating you?"
A look of terror quickly washed over Hanxiang's face. "Nono, that wasn't him. It was the alcohol. Afterward he would always apologise and be so sweet and kind to me." She said quickly, but all noticed her body started quivering.
Xiaoyanzi's was getting more and more incensed as Hanxiang related her tale. But Yongqi laid his hand on her shoulder. She looked at him, and he shook his head. She glared at him but settled down, determined to hear Hanxiang's story to the end. Truth be told, she was incredibly furious. How could Meng Dan throw away all they had worked so hard to get for them?
Qing'er didn't press her. "How did you end up here then?"
"We didn't have enough money to remain in Mailian. The cost of living is cheaper here and I could grow my own food." Hanxiang's voice was now creepily emotionless. "Look, he simply refused to work anymore. I did what I could to make a living but how many would trust a female physician? How much can sewing and mending and washing clothes make? Yet with our meager income he would take it to buy drinks, as if that would solve his problems. As if I had no problems of my own!" Hanxiang hissed with sudden anger.
Xiaoyanzi was suddenly afraid and she darted her eyes to look at the other three nervously. She was not used to people with such fluctuation in emotions. Even back in the Palace, Hanxiang could always keep her cool.
"It doesn't take much to live here, as I believe you can see for yourselves. So we moved." Hanxiang poured herself another cup of wine and reverted back to her emotionless state.
"Can we go and see him?" Xiaojian took her cue and refrained from mentioning Mengdan's name.
Hanxiang shrugged. "You can. But my heart is dead. I do not wish to see him anymore. My life is meaningless and full of shame. I have disappointed my father and sullied my tribe's name for the sake of fleeting pleasure. I have been dishonourable to the Emperor. This whole thing was a mistake. I cannot live on. I need to die. But I will not become the sand…..I will sink to the bottom of the waters and the wind shall never find me." Hanxiang spoke vehemently, as if in a world of her own.
This was way worse then they thought.
"You may be thinking, why am I so freely telling all these?" Hanxiang spoke again, and gave sad empty smile to Xiaoyanzi. "I believe this is God's way of allowing me to confess my sins by meeting you again so coincidently. This is my confession, lest you and the rest think that we lived happily ever after." Hanxiang shook her head. "Fairytales don't exist. And I have to try to atone a little I supposed, though I know nothing can make me clean again. For all my actions, I am dirty, shameful, and no longer worthy of living."
"No! You are a victim!" Xiaoyanzi yelled, and held Hanxiang's hands, her large eyes looking at her pleadingly. Now even she realised why Hanxiang agreed to not attempt to take her own life again. She needed to confess and speak her story first.
Xiaojian got up, Yongqi as well. "We will go and find him. Xiaoyanzi, Qing'er, take care of Hanxiang." Xiaojian said. Xiaoyanzi almost protested but she had matured over the years and knew the still recovering Qing'er couldn't handle Hanxiang on her own. So she nodded and told Yongqi with anger clearly radiating from her eyes, "Tell him he is no longer my Shifu."
Yongqi nodded, knowing exactly what those words meant.
It was a really small town almost village and understanding Meng Dan's propensity for drink, it was easy enough to find him.
"Meng Dan!" Xiaojian shouted, grabbing the wine bottle away from him.
Meng Dan squinted at the two looming figures shadowing over him. "Who are you?" He slurred. "Give me back the bottle!"
Yongqi looked at the stall owner. "Is he always like this?"
The stall owner laughed "Like clockwork. Everyday. It's amazing his wife puts up with him. But he pays for what he drinks and generally doesn't cause trouble so I don't care. Everyone here calls him Wastrel."
"Meng Dan! Don't you recognise us, recognise me?" Xiaojian lifted Mengdan by the arms and shook him hard, trying to get him to have eye contact.
Mengdan's eyes widened. "Xiao….Jian?" A myriad of expressions ranging from shock, disbelief, fear, shame, anger crossed his face.
"What happened to you? If you are a real man, tell me!" Xiaojian said fiercely and dragged him away, to a much more secluded and private location.
Finally they were outside of town, away from nosy neighbours.
Mengdan looked more alert now and was walking on his own. "Xiaojian, my good friend! It's such a pleasant surprise to see you here! It is so unexpected! No, I don't usually drink. I just had a bad day yesterday. Otherwise, everything is great! Really so grateful to all of you who helped me and Hanxiang. I would love to bring you to see her but unfortunately she is preoccupied at the moment." Mengdan began rambling. "And also," he hunched down in a conspiratory whisper, "I wouldn't stay too long in this town! It is not safe for outsiders."
Xiaojian and Yongqi stared at him in total disbelief. Is this really Mengdan? The Mengdan they knew? In fact, did they really know Mengdan at all? They both begin to wonder. All they knew was the sad romantic story between him and Hanxiang, and that he was a martial arts expert. He never shared in any life-death situations, except for the time when rescuing the princesses from the gallows. Perhaps it was Hanxiang who then, had more influence on him, who had persuaded him to help.
"I am not kidding. It is safe enough for the likes of Hanxiang and me. But you?" Mengdan looked at them up and down, shaking his head.
"And what, may I ask, is so dangerous about this harmless village?" Yongqi asked, raising an eyebrow.
"The people. They hate it when outsiders come. If I entertained you in anyway, it would make life real difficult for Hanxiang and I. It took quite a while for them to accept me and her. We had to do quite a bit of stuff to show our loyalty." Mengdan said seriously.
Yongqi almost rolled his eyes.
"Meng Dan! Wake up! We have seen Hanxiang. Did you know she was about to take her own life this morning, if not for Yongqi here who rescued her? Do you know how much she is suffering?" Xiao Jian shouted.
"You have met Hanxiang? Oh gosh, I was hoping to spare you that. You see, she has gone mad…." Meng Dan started but was interrupted by Yongqi. "Meng Dan! Do you not hear yourself? Is Hanxiang not the love of your life? Did you realise how much we risked to reunite both of you?" Yongqi had still not shed his princely air and posed an imposing figure.
A cunning smile suddenly crept up Meng Dan's face as he began laughing rather maniacally. "Fools." He said rather dismissively. "You guys, especially Xiaoyanzi, were so easily manipulated. Yes, I desired Hanxiang so very much. She was the jewel of our people, you know. And her father…." His face darkened. "He didn't think I was good enough. Not only that, MY FATHER had ought to be the head of our people. HER father took what should belong to my father. Then HER father made the decision that she would be the peace offering between our people and the Great Qing Empire. What arrogance! How else was I to take revenge but to steal Hanxiang away from her father? Sure, I got beat up real badly so many times, but…..the thrill of having one over her father, disrupting his plans, and having her….that feeling triumphs everything. It was too easy, all too easy to convince you of our love story. She loved me, how could she now? I was everything a girl could want, and offered everything that was forbidden to her." Mengdan laughed again. "But what I didn't count on was that SHE COULD NOT CONCIEVE." His face suddenly turn to anger. "No matter how hard we tried, we could never have a child. I cannot go back to our clan to get another bride. I do not want to mix my blood with a Han or Manchu."
Yongqi's response was almost immediately. He gave Mengdan a huge slap in the face. "This is on behalf of Xiaoyanzi." Yongqi realised there was no point in reasoning with him anymore. Telling him that Xiaoyanzi no longer acknowledges him as Shifu is a moot point. This fellow is simply a narcissist who had clearly manipulated them. He used their feelings for his own agenda and did not seem repentant at all.
Xiaojian was in shock. How could he not have sensed it all the time they had spent together at Hui Bin Lou? Mengdan was a tremendous actor. "So you have gotten your revenge. You got Hanxiang. How does that feel?" Xiaojian asked, strangely calm. He was all too familiar with revengeful feelings.
"Life is hard." Meng Dan suddenly moaned. "Hanxiang can't earn enough money. We can't go into the major cities. And we can't have children."
"That, for one, I am grateful for." Xiaojian said shortly. "Life is indeed hard, and requires work. Marriage requires work. Your wife is not just an object to be possessed, but to be cherished. Clearly you don't understand that, because you are too full of yourself. Hanxiang is wasted on you. I'm taking her away with me."
Mengdan's eyes widened in panic. "No…no. You can't take her away! What would I do without her?"
"What you have been doing all along." Yongqi said curtly, and turned to leave.
"Nono, I love Hanxiang, you can't take her away from me. NO ONE CAN TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME! SHE IS MINE!" Mengdan yelled and tried to punch Yongqi, but Yongqi handled him easily. Apparently his addiction to alcohol had impaired his martial skills.
Xiaojian sighed in resignation as they left Mengdan crying in the woods. He initially thought he could help Mengdan in Dali, the way they had helped Erkang get rid of his addiction. But clearly Mengdan was not a good person to be around, and Hanxiang needed their help. Her heart was clearly dead, and it was best she was no longer around this person anymore.
They immediately abandoned their plans for Hangzhou, and left for Dali the next day. The road for recover for Hanxiang would be long but Xiaojian was sure with the help of Xiaoyanzi and Qing'er, she would be able to blossom and live again.
It was unfortunately that fairytales and reality are poles apart. Qing'er looked at Yongqi, who had similarly given up his royal status and everything that came with it for Xiaoyanzi. But Yongqi was different. He was willing to learn, and work hard, and didn't despair. Perhaps it was due to the family that they had who supported them – Xiaojian and his godparents. Qing'er knew that her ability to adjust was greatly helped by both Xiaoyanzi and Xiaojian's godmother. So maybe, just maybe, if Mengdan and Hanxiang had some kind of community and support, things wouldn't deteriorate so badly. Then again, Mengdan did have traits of a male chauvinistic narcissist, she mused. Xiaojian and Yongqi were not like that at all.
"What are you thinking about?" Xiaojian came into their room. They were finally back home in Dali. Hanxiang would stay with them for a while, as she worked towards recovery. Qing'er smiled at him and leaned into his embrace as he wrapped his arms around her. "Just thinking how blessed I am, to have you." She said sweetly. Xiaojian smiled too and hugged her tighter. And yes, reality can be like a fairytale too.
-The End-
A/N: I had been wanting to write this story since the early 2000s but never could figure out how to fit it into my longer story (which has since been lost and totally unrecoverable, unfortunately). I was never really convinced by HX and MD's love story, and I didn't like MD at all. So now, I took the liberty of turning him into a master narcissistic manipulator. (People like these do exist in real life, so do watch out for red flags.) Truthfully, don't you realise we don't know anything about Mengdan? Erkang Yongqi and Ertai grew up together so they knew each other. Xiaoyanzi was with Liuqing and Liu Hong and all the people at Da Zha Yuan so she couldn't be that bad. Ziwei had Jinsuo and well, she is Ziwei! Xiaojian and Qing'er helped so much outside and inside the palace in times of terrible difficulty, even at the risk of their own lives, plus turns out Xiaojian is Xiaoyanzi's brother. Hanxiang did strike up a friendship with XYZ and ZW. The only time we see Mengdan is only when he is obsessing over HX, even when he was rescuing XYZ from the chess place. He needed her to help get HX out of the palace. So, everyone is somewhat accounted for in terms of character, EXCEPT Mengdan. So we honestly don't know who he is except for what Hanxiang said about him, but she was blinded by romance.
Also, despite Huangshang's philandering ways, I did ship him and HX back then because he was really really good to her. And XYZ and gang were indeed wrong to have helped HX run away. The starting idea was for MD to simply be a drunkard and abusive husband which would shock the whole gang, and finally, after 20 years, it evolved into this short story. Moving forward, I would see Hanxiang getting over her despair, and being treated for abuse and all the psychological stuff she went through and emerge as a strong independent woman. But I won't write that story. Thanks for reading!
PS: I hope my rating is ok for the themes in this story. If you feel that I need to change my rating, please let me know.