11 May 1919

"I can help!" Ada shouted as she ran into the kitchen. She sat down next to Elizabeth at the table, sighing sympathetically at the sounds of Arthur cursing and spitting as Elizabeth and Polly tended to his wounds.

"Since when?" John scoffed from where he leant against the doorway, raising a mocking eyebrow at his sister. He hadn't bothered to offer any help himself, only coming over from where he'd been working in the betting shop to smirk at his brothers discomfort.

"I'm a trained nurse!" Ada stated, to the family's amusement.

"Don't make me laugh, it hurts my face." Arthur said, yelling as Elizabeth tightened the cotton bandage that she was wrapping around the two splints on his broken thumb. He squirmed in his seat and she had to grasp his hand when he tried to move it, so that he didn't dislodge her work.

"I bloody am!" Ada huffed, looking to the women in the room for support. Elizabeth couldn't help but smile at her familiar stubbornness, but moved her head to stare intently at Arthur's thumb, knowing it would only frustrate her more if Ada could see her struggling not laugh.

"You went to one first aid class in the church hall and got thrown out for giggling. Besides," John took the toothpick out his mouth and pointed it at where Elizabeth sat beside Arthur. "She's the actual trained nurse here."

Ada met her eyes with a look of guilt and the room around her seemed to still after John spoke. Arthur stopped fidgeting and moved his gaze to the table as if to avoid eye contact, and Polly paused as she cleaned the blood from Arthur's eyes, looking from John to Elizabeth. To a stranger walking into the room, it would seem as if he had revealed a secret of hers to everybody there, and not something that they already knew. She understood their reaction though. It was never something they'd ever talked about, even before she left.

"Sorry Eliza," Ada said, smiling up at her innocently, "I forgot."

"No worries," Elizabeth cut the bandage and finished securing it around Arthur's thumb, turning to face Ada. "If you want to help, you can start by getting a fresh cloth and some water for me so that I can deal with this nasty cut on Arthur's temple."

Arthur was grimacing at the idea when she heard someone walk into the room. Elizabeth looked from Ada to the source of the noise and her smile dropped from her face.

Tommy Shelby had entered the room, bottle of rum in hand and cigarette between his lips.

"Let me see him," Tommy said, but when he looked up to Arthur, his eyes crossed over where Elizabeth sat beside him. He halted to a stop as he saw her. They stared at each other, blue eyes meeting brown, and the room faded away around them, until her world was a single colour. Elizabeth felt as if she wanted to cry, wanted to scream, to smile, to laugh; as if she wanted to do all four at once. But more than anything, she wanted to stand up and throw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and finally get to to feel him against her in the flesh, and not just in the memories that plagued her dreams.

But the man that Elizabeth saw standing before her wouldn't spin her around like she was a girl again. She knew that this Tommy, however respectfully, would step away. Four years and a war would do that to a person. As she looked at him, she could see that change right in front of her. It was the answer to why Tommy hadn't come to see her when she had come home, why he would no longer greet her like they were young again. However long it had been since she'd last seen those eyes, Elizabeth would never miss the change inside them. There was a coldness that wasn't there before, something painful and bitter living within him, pulling Tommy away from her even as she looked at him.

The world came crashing down around her then, and Elizabeth was suddenly conscious of the other eyes in the room watching their encounter. She took a sharp breath, chest heaving as she filled her lungs with air that she had forgotten to breath, and she turned her focus back to Arthur and the blood dripping from his cracked skin. Tommy cleared his throat and walked to the other side of the table next to Polly.

"Alright, have this." He handed his brother the bottle from his hand and exchanged it for the cloth in Polly's, cleaning it in a bowl of water. Arthur took a swig of rum before Tommy took the bottle away again, dousing his cloth with the bitter alcohol and grabbing Arthur's face, pressing the rum-soaked rag against the cut that Elizabeth was about to deal with before Tommy had entered. Arthur hissed, banging his fist on the table, and she had to bite her cheek and sit further back in her chair to stop from interjecting, grimacing at the encounter. Polly had moved out of Tommy's way to stand between Elizabeth and Ada, squeezing her shoulder lightly as she passed. Elizabeth looked behind her, to where the woman stood, catching Polly's eye. She looked down at her with a sadness.

"You're alright." Tommy clasped Arthur's neck to help calm him down, but the brother only grabbed his wrist in response and pulled him closer.

"He said Mr. Churchill sent him to Birmingham," Arthur spat, "national interest, he said, something about a robbery. He said he wants us to help him."

Tommy pulled away and stood up calmly, smoke curling out from the cigarette between his lips as he leant against the cupboards. Elizabeth saw something flicker in his eyes as he looked at Arthur, and felt Polly's grip on her shoulder tighten slightly. She frowned. He took the cigarette from his mouth, looking away from his brother and at the floor.

"We don't help coppers," John said, indignantly, from where he stood. Arthur waved a hand vaguely at his brother behind him, but he kept his focus on Tommy,

"He knew all about our war records. He said we're patriots like him, he wants us to be his eyes and ears. I said we'd have a family meeting and take a vote." Tommy glanced back up at Arthur but he made no response. "Well, why not? Mmm? We have no truck with Fenians or communists. What's wrong with you? What the fuck is wrong with him lately?"

Arthur looked to Polly and Elizabeth beside him for an answer, and whilst the older woman raised her eyebrows at Tommy, she could only move her focus onto her hands clasped in her lap, remaining out of the conversation.

"If I knew, I'd buy the cure from Compton's chemists," Polly said, staring angrily at Tommy.

Arthur could only curse his brother and grab the bottle of rum from the table, bringing it to his mouth to nurse the drink. Polly moved back to her seat, tutting, whilst Tommy walked out the room. Elizabeth hesitated for a minute, debating whether to continue where he'd left of with Arthur's cut, or to follow after him. She glanced at Arthur as he swallowed loving mouthfuls of the bitter drink and decided he'd be just fine in Polly's care, pushing back from the table and standing up, walking out after Tommy. She caught him just as he reached the door, calling after him.

"Tommy!" He didn't turn to face her and instead moved to open the door. "Tommy, please!"

"What, Elizabeth?" He sighed, turning around to face her. "I have places I need to be."

His words were harsh, cutting through her. She could only smile bitterly and blink back the tears that filled her eyes, nodding in a resentful understanding.

"I'm sorry I disturbed you, I'll leave you alone, Thomas." Elizabeth managed to find her voice, thick with emotion, and turned to walk back to the kitchen. His voice called out after her, however, before she could go far.

"Liza, wait." She looked back at him, "I shouldn't have said that, it was unkind of me." Something about Tommy's use of 'Liza', that name only he used, it softened her.

"It was." Elizabeth whispered, smiling gently. Tommy let go of the door handle and leant against the wall, crossing his arms in front of him.

"We weren't sure if you were ever coming home again, but I'm..." He scratched his cheek and looked at her almost embarrassed, "I'm glad that you're back, Liza."

"You didn't think I'd come back?"

"Polly hadn't heard from you for six months, you stopped writing to her."

"Not to you thou-" Elizabeth caught herself before she could finish, clearing her throat and trying not blush. She crossed her arms in mirror to Tommy and restarted her sentence, "I understand how that could have seemed, but I was always going to come back. It's impossible to escape this place."

She scoffed almost bitterly and Tommy looked away, silence permeating the air between them.

"You, uh, you're settled right? You like where you live?" He asked, breaking the quiet in the hall.

"Oh, it's lovely," she looked back up at him and smiled, "I hope it's not too much though, I don't want to be any trouble."

"It's not trouble at all."

"This is all," Elizabeth gestured at the air around her, "it's all going so well." Tommy surprised her by laughing and smiling at her.

"You think being able to pay half your lease is 'going well'?" He gestured to the air around them as well, tilting his head.

"Is it not?" She raised her eyebrows slightly.

"I'm hoping for more."

"You've always been hoping for more. Doesn't mean that what you have right now shouldn't be celebrated though."

They looked at each other and Tommy nodded slowly, watching Elizabeth with a sadness. She felt a bittersweet stab in her chest.

You've always been.

She returned his look with a sad smile of her own. Tommy uncrossed his arms and put a hand back on the doorknob,

"I'll see you soon,"

"You too." Elizabeth waited for him to open the door and leave, but Tommy seemed to hesitate, staring at the dark wood, his hand falling from the brass handle. He turned around to face her again and was suddenly crossing the space between them, pulling her into an embrace. Tommy took her by surprise and she fell back a few steps, but his arms were there around her back to catch her, and after a heartbeat Elizabeth pulled Tommy against her in return, wrapping her arms around him and resting her hands on the back of his neck, fingertips just grazing his skin. Tommy let his cheek rest against her temple, soft and warm to the touch.

She pressed her head into his shoulder and breathed in his cologne where it clung to the cotton of his suit, a heavy and woodsy flagrance, new and expensive. There were others scents there as well, ones she recognised. The smell of horse that he'd always had, an ode to the gentle soul inside him that cared about those animals like they were his flesh and blood. She also recognised the sharp hint of tobacco and alcohol that followed him, something he'd come to gain as they'd grown up. Elizabeth wondered what she smelt of, whether he could notice the new perfume she'd bought in London, what things he could recognise from before.

She could feel his chest rise and fall, the pulse in his neck, his breath against her hair. Nothing had ever felt sweeter. To not only know he was alive, but to feel that life coursing through him, was overwhelming. After years of uncertainty and fear that was always there, hidden at the back of her mind, Elizabeth felt in that moment, for however briefly, like they were finally safe again. She could hug him, and he could hug her back, and it felt like a sign, a symbol of hope, of Tommy telling her that things would be alright in the end. Even if they weren't now, one day it will be alright again.

He pulled away with a small smile and left her standing there, watching, as he opened the door and closed it behind him. The busy noise of outside pierced through the building, but once the door slammed shut she was left in thick silence.

hope you enjoyed

e x

(26/05/2020)