A/N: OOOOkay this one was way hard to write. Oof. Content warnings for PTSD, torture mention, death mention.

6: Curiosity Nearly Killed The Cat Because You Wouldn't Give Him A Straight Answer, So He Had To Go Looking By Himself

Aaravos spins sharply and snatches a book from the first shelf he reaches, not bothering to check which one it is.

He doesn't realize where he's going until he looks up and realizes he's at the door to the study where he left Loki.

Loki does not vanish the metal when Aaravos returns. Perhaps it is time he told him about his escape route.

But first, he wants - no, needs - to know what's going on with Aaravos. Writing in the air again with his illusion magic, he asks, "Why did you not tell me?"

He hopes there is a good reason.

Aaravos pauses in the doorway, fighting his first reaction to snap at Loki. It is not his fault.

He shakes his head and crosses to his chair, burying himself in the book.

Oh, how annoying. This one is a history book.

Loki huffs, frowning as Aaravos completely ignores him. For a moment, he tries to sympathize with him, reminding himself that he kept his own plan from Aaravos.

But, he reasons, there is a great difference between researching a potential plan and going ahead with some other plan.

He does not like the silence. He hates not knowing when he will hear Aaravos's voice again. He cannot help but feel like Aaravos is abandoning him.

With a groan of frustration he stalks to Aaravos's chair and snatches the book from him. "ANSWER ME," he writes.

Aaravos's face twists in anger when Loki takes his book. How dare he?

The rational part of his mind knows he is angry at the dark mage, and at himself for trusting him at all, but all the less rational part knows is that he is angry.

He snatches up a pen and paper so fast the paper crumples. Smoothing it out on his leg, he scribbles, "It is dark magic, and none of your concern. I shall handle it; you should not be near it." He still does not know how dark magic will interact with Loki's seidr, and, angry or not, he does not want to find out.

Did Aaravos really just dismiss him out of hand? "I refuse to accept that. This is the first visible stride you have made in any plans you might have. Now that it is in motion, I deserve to know. Does this not involve my potential freedom as well?"

Aaravos takes several deep breaths before writing, "I cannot speak with you right now. I would say something I would regret. Kindly return my book."

Loki really could strangle that elf.

His face turns stony, glaring at Aaravos as he returns the book. If Aaravos will not give him answers, then he will find them himself.

He storms out of the room, first to Aaravos's secret library to pluck one of the antlers from the shelves, then to the main library where the mirror sits. Currently all Loki can see is his reflection, despite the darkness in the room. With a closer look, it appears that the other side is covered.

If he understands correctly, which he is sure he does, the star arcanum is, in part, about truth. He has not "connected" with it, and he is not sure he ever can, but perhaps he can borrow a bit of Aaravos's connection.

Aaravos notices Loki's departure, but dismisses it quickly. Even if he is angry at Aaravos, there is little he can do in this place.

The thought that he might try dark magic himself creeps into Aaravos's mind, but that is impossible. Aaravos knows he's blacked out every scrap of information about dark magic; there is no way Loki could do it even if it's compatible with his seidr.

It seems to Loki that Aaravos thinks he is weak, too weak to handle whatever his plans are. He will not stand for that. He can show Aaravos what he is capable of, that he is a worthy partner in their goals.

If Loki's demonstrations of his own skills have not been enough, then he can pick up a new skill, something that Aaravos values.

He grabs a book on star magic, looking for the right spell. He finds one, but realizes that he cannot draw the rune without his own connection. Tracing the shape of the antler in his hands, he tries to sense whatever power might be stored there, sending his own seidr through the fibers of the bone.

There is a sort of potential energy that he can sense, almost like a battery: inert on its own, but with a little spark…

He provides the push of power, and with a powerful surge, the antler disintegrates into dust in his hands. He can feel the magic there, inside him, having been pulled from the antler now with nowhere to go. It is not what Loki expected, however. This is not star magic; this is twisted somehow, like a star that has gone supernova and collapsed in on itself, sucking in the light instead of giving it.

It sits on his fingertips, this twisted creation, and when he tries to direct the power to a rune, to the star spell he read, it is as if he is trying to force it against its own nature, force two like poles of magnets against each other. He grits his teeth, trying to overcome the push of this dark energy, both in determination to accomplish his goal but also in concern of what happens if it runs unrestrained.

This effort is about as useless as forcing a river to flow the opposite direction. When the dam breaks, it shatters.

Something happens.

Aaravos isn't sure what it is, but something shakes the entire prison without moving. Nothing falls, but he can feel in his bones that something is wrong.

Loki.

Aaravos slams the book down, leaping up and wobbling. Whatever that something was, it is not over. Another tremor comes, nearly sweeping his legs from under him and setting his ears to ringing.

He needs to check on both the mirror and Loki. He doesn't know where Loki's gone, so he'll start with the mirror. Perhaps Loki is in the library too.

Stars above Xadia, don't let him be in the library.

Loki fights to stay conscious, aware that he is currently sprawled on the floor. By the Norns, he has not had a headache like this since… well… since him.

For a moment, he thinks the blast was the last of it, the concussive force being the end of whatever corrupted magic he held, but he can still feel it in his bones like a cancer. His seidr works to protect him, almost like an immune response to disease.

His body is a battleground between the two forces, and, overwhelmed with this, his consciousness fades.

Aaravos rushes into the library to see Loki sprawled on the floor, unconscious. His heart stops.

No, no, no, no, no! He hits the floor next to Loki. What did you do? What is wrong with you? He pulls Loki's head into his lap, and sees that his face is ashen and there are purple circles below his eyes.

No, no, NO! Tell me you didn't use dark magic!

There's a book a few inches away, lying open to a star spell about seeing past appearances. Aaravos glances at the mirror, and looks back down at Loki, understanding. You stupid clever mage. Why could you not just trust me? You had to try to figure out the mirror on your own.

Please be okay.

He's only known one person to use dark magic without training, aside from himself and Ziard when they were developing it. They were both affected badly then, too, despite taking every precaution and taking their time. The last person…

Loki did not take his time. Loki did not have training.

Aaravos hopes he wakes up.

Loki is no stranger to nightmares, but usually he wakes up once they get too bad.

And he has never had nightmares like this before.

"You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain."

He's standing in his cell on Asgard, but the lights are all out. It has never been so dark here before. He goes to the wall that should let him see out into the hall, but all he sees is smoke.

Aaravos's voice comes from behind him, "You really are a fool, Loki." Loki spins around to see the elf with a cruel smile on his face. "Did you really think he would let you go so easily? You thought this place was out of his reach?"

"What are you talking about, Aaravos?"

"How quickly you trusted me. Here I thought you were the silvertongue, yet all it took was a little feigned sympathy to your petty angst and you would keep yourself imprisoned to help me. How pathetic."

I need to get you to a bed. The floor is no place for recovery.

Aaravos gently places Loki's head back on the floor and stands up, then leans down to pick Loki up. He tries to lift Loki as gently as possible, but he is far heavier than he looks.

There must be some spell he can use to enhance his strength. There has to be. Considering what he knows of the arcanums, it will be an earth spell, but he cannot recall any spells at the moment.

He touches Loki's hair briefly– I'm not leaving– then stands and goes to the bookshelves, running his hands along the spines of the books until he comes to one on earth magic. Flipping to the index, he finds a strength spell with a rune and incantation so simple, he could not bungle it even now.

"I do not understand…" Loki's voice shakes.

"Oh, yes, I suppose you really started to believe I cared about you, even though I only gave you a few crumbs." Aaravos shrugs, nonchalant. "I appreciate The Other's methods. They certainly seemed effective, but yet you still resisted, managed to lose a battle that should have been easily won with your power and the chitauri."

Loki gulps. He knows he lost on purpose.

Aaravos grins. "Yes, Thanos knows. I decided to try a different approach, and look at what we have. You had your freedom in the palm of your hand, yet you kept yourself imprisoned." Aaravos saunters over to Loki, patting his head like one might a dog or petulant child, "Apparently all it takes to convince you to give up your freedom is the barest of kindnesses. Poor little Loki wants someone to be his friend, how sweet."

Loki pulls away, swatting at Aaravos's hand. "So it was all a lie? Your imprisonment, the stories you told me, it was all a trick?"

"Now you're finally catching on." Aaravos reclines on a nearby seat. "That magic you were using, you were looking for the truth, were you not? Well, here it is."

"And why would you admit to this when your goal was to fool me into loyalty?"

"We can just wipe your memory and start over again. I think I've quite gotten the hang of this, giving you just enough validation that you develop a sense of loyalty, but not enough so you still crave my approval. I took plenty of notes from your father, he was quite the master at it."

Loki trembles, stepping back in shock. "Again?"

Aaravos shrugs. "I believe this is the fourth time we have had this conversation. You did not think that mind control was all the stone could do, did you?"

Drawing the rune pictured, Aaravos casts the strength spell on himself and returns to Loki. He is still heavy, but this time Aaravos manages to lift him without too much trouble.

I can't carry you up the stairs, he silently apologizes, so the couch will have to do. It's larger now, at least.

He looks at Loki's ashen face, drawn in pain, as he sets him down. What are you dreaming of, that hurts you so? He wishes he could help Loki, but primal magic and dark magic already do not mix well. Adding Loki's seidr, and he does not think it likely that Loki would wake again, at least not as Loki.

He settles for tucking his legs under him and stroking Loki's hair lightly. He cannot think of anything else to do. Perhaps a cool washcloth would help, but he does not want to leave Loki's side.

Loki frowns. "But the scepter was on Earth. I remember Heimdall kept me updated on the stone, it is protected."

"We got it back. Earth did not stand a chance against us."

"With my brother and all his friends defending it? You underestimate them."

"No, you clearly overestimate them, since we have the mind stone."

"And what would be the point of creating some other universe as part of this charade? Xadia and all its intricate magic and history? Why would you invent something so fantastical if your only goal was to fool me?"

Aaravos begins to stammer, and Loki interrupts him as he tries to speak. "And I felt the magic of Xadia. You cannot fake something like that. It was not of my universe, that much is clear, and as absolutely terrifying as Thanos can be, he is no god. He cannot create something so new."

Loki stomps to "Aaravos" and grabs his wrist in a bruising grip. Five fingers, because that is what Loki's mind is most accustomed to. "You are not my Aaravos."

Aaravos runs one hand through Loki's hair again, holding his hand with the other as Loki tosses and turns restlessly.

"My Aaravos," Loki mumbles, the words clear on his lips.

Aaravos's hand stills on Loki's hair. Did. Did he just.

He knows what his own name looks like when someone says it. And there isn't much else the first word could be, given the shape of Loki's mouth as he spoke. But. How. Why.

His Aaravos. He called me his Aaravos. Aaravos's breath stutters. His Aaravos.

The false Aaravos vanishes into smoke.

The smoke shifts until it coalesces into a new form: The Other. He bares his teeth at Loki. "A pitiful resistance, as always."

Loki stands his ground. "Have you ever fought back against an infinity stone?"

"You will fall and break, just as you always have." The Other advances on him, forcing Loki into a corner and pressing his hand to Loki's head before he can escape. It sends an all too familiar surge of pain through him that forces him to his knees. Loki grits his teeth to keep the scream from escaping, but he still groans in agony.

The Other removes his hand, leaving Loki trying to catch his breath. "There is no escape from this suffering. What is it you told those humans? In the end, you will always kneel."

Loki throws his head back, and he gives a cry of pain Aaravos can only see. His breath comes in short, sharp gasps now.

What is going on in Loki's mind? He is in pain, so much pain, and Aaravos hates that he can do nothing to help. He feels even more powerless than he did the day he was imprisoned.

Aaravos squeezes Loki's hand gently. I am here. I only wish I could do more. I wish I could take your pain from you. I wish…

Loki stares at the floor, his sweaty palms flat against it and his shaking arms barely holding himself up.

He lifts his hand, flexing his fingers at the phantom sensation. For a moment, it feels as if someone is holding his hand. The sensation dissipates, but he tries to retain the feeling of comfort.

A jeweled dagger materializes there, and gripping the handle, he leaps upward and plunges the blade into The Other's neck. The creature that haunted Loki's nightmares flails helplessly, only for Loki to stab him again. "You are wrong. You. Are. Wrong."

Loki pushes The Other to the floor, flat on his back, and presses his foot on the stab wound. "You never truly controlled me. I always found a loophole. I always found a way through, and I always will." He adds pressure to the wound as he leans forward. "And I will never kneel to you, ever again."

Just like the false Aaravos, The Other too dissolves into smoke, and Loki smiles in relief at the victory. He has never felt so free.

Loki relaxes, face smoothing into a smile. Aaravos smiles back. This almost certainly means the nightmare is over, and Loki is on his way to recovery.

He gives Loki's hand another gentle squeeze and brushes his hair back before standing. If he can get a better look at the spell Loki used, he can figure out how to help more. There is a chance the star magic will stay with Loki, if it was a particularly advanced spell, and if that is the case he will need to teach Loki more about primal magic.

Perhaps he should consider teaching Loki about dark magic– not the actual magic, of course, but enough about the theory that he won't hurt himself like this again.

Entering the library, his gaze flicks instinctively to the mirror.

The dark mage is there again.

Loki flexes his fingers again, the sensation having returned. He does not know where it comes from, but he appreciates the small sensation that there is someone there holding his hand as he faces his demons.

"What a shameful display. A warrior should die before he gives in to his enemy, even in such little ways."

Loki's chest tightens. It is his father's - no, Odin's - voice. He grimaces, then, with a deep breath, schools his face into something more neutral before spinning on his heel to face the allfather. Frigga stands behind him, or… Loki thinks it is Frigga. She faces the other direction, so he cannot see her face.

"Allfather, Allmother, to what do I owe this honor?"

The mage's lips move, saying something. Aaravos flicks the tip of his ear impatiently. I cannot hear you, stupid one.

The mage huffs and picks up the jar containing Aaravos's voice. He plucks the insect out and places it onto his ear. "Why should I trust you?"

Several reasons run through Aaravos's mind at once, some better than others– because I am an Archmage, because I do not lie, because you need me, because I need you– but perhaps it is these four months with Loki that make him settle on the most truthful answer. "You shouldn't… yet."

"You're a disgrace. You brought shame upon this family, first by jeopardizing our hold on Jotunheim, and then by showing such weakness that you crumbled before your enemies, became their puppet in a failed conquest. After all I taught you, all I did for you to make you better than your kind, and what did it bring me? Is this how you repay me?"

Loki cannot keep the scowl from his face, nor does he want to at this point. If the other visions he has seen are any indication, then this is not truly Odin. He does not have to fear speaking his mind. "It is the way of nature that a parent should raise a child, provide them with instructions and tools for survival. Should I also thank the stars for shining? Or thank the rivers for flowing downstream?"

"You are not my son."

"And I thank the Norns for that."

"I should destroy this mirror," the mage says. "Cut you off forever."

Why? Aaravos thinks. Simply because I told you the truth? Noted. "You won't," he says aloud, tipping his head. "You need me." The mage looks surprised, so he elaborates. "There is something you want very badly…" he hints. "I can help you to get it."

He smiles as the mage confesses that the other human leaders– "the other leaders," Aaravos notes, so the mage is also a leader of some sort– will not listen to him.

"Then we shall have to get their attention."

Aaravos outlines the plan he thinks of on the spot, only half his attention on the mage. He should check on Loki, soon. He had not awoken when Aaravos left, what if he wakes and Aaravos is not there?

"Do you understand?" he asks.

The mage nods, a hard smile on his face, and leaves, Aaravos's caterpillar still on his ear.

As soon as the door closes behind the mage, Aaravos half runs to Loki.

"No, but I took you in out of the goodness of my heart. The least you could do is try to be better than your kind."

"I thought we already established that there was no goodness involved when you stole me. All I ever was to you was a tool, whether for some dream of peace or to use me to take the throne of Jotunheim one day with all your own prejudices in mind."

"You were an abomination from the start, able to look in my memories and mimic yet another creature of chaos. I had to keep you out of the wrong hands. So much magic flowed through your veins even then. You were a powerful weapon."

"I WAS A CHILD."

No, no, no! I should not have left!

Loki is tossing and turning again, harder than before. Aaravos isn't even conscious of running to him, taking one of Loki's hands in both of his in an attempt to soothe him.

There are tears running down Loki's cheeks. Actual tears.

Aaravos puts one hand on Loki's forehead, doing his best to keep it relaxed. I'm so sorry I left. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please be okay. Please wake up. Please. Please. I'm here now. Please wake up. Please wake up as Loki.

He is not crying. He is not.

Loki can feel the tears run down his face. Who cares if he shows weakness now? He cannot bring himself to care about Odin's definitions of weakness and strength anymore. "I was just a child. What kind of monster looks at a child with such selfish ambition? What kind of cruel narcissist looks at a baby for what they can get out of it?

"From the moment you took me in I was forced to play a rigged game. All this talk of worthiness in our family but you decided I was a lesser being from the start. And now that I choose not to play your games, now that I see my own worth, you change the rules." Loki shakes his head, huffing in disbelief. "Thank you for saving my life. Is that what you wanted to hear? Thank you for not leaving an infant to freeze to death. Thank you, great Odin Borson, for being the bare minimum of a decent person."

Odin's face twists into an ugly scowl, his face turning red, a sure sign he is about to set into a tirade. Loki waves his hand, and he dissolves into smoke, just like the others. He can do without yet another lecture on his inadequacies.

Frigga turns, tears in her eyes. Loki walks to her and takes her hands in his. "I know there was not much you could do. I know you did not have as much power in the face of Odin as you could project… but I still deserved better." Loki's voice shakes as he says the next words. "I am sorry I could not save you."

Frigga smiles through her tears, cupping Loki's cheek in her hand and wiping at one of the tears. Loki leans into her touch, and his mother vanishes in a flash of green.

And Loki wakes up.

A tear falls from Aaravos's nose, mingling with the tears on Loki's face as he leans over him, squeezing his hand more tightly than he thinks he is. Please, please, please be okay. Please wake up. I am so sorry. So sorry. Please wake up. I'm sorry I left. Please. Please.

And, as if responding to his silent plea, Loki's eyelids flutter open.

Loki almost thinks they are still dreaming what with the sight in front of them. Aaravos crying? Surely they are still seeing things.

"I'm not even dead, and yet you have tears for me?"

Aaravos jerks back, scrubbing one hand over his eyes, breath catching when Loki says dead.

"I– I thought you were, you might be." He chokes on the words. "There is a reason I did not tell you about dark magic!"

Loki smiles. "You're not getting rid of me that easily, you silly elf."

Silly elf. Yes, that is fine. As long as Loki is all right, he will accept silly elf. "I should hope not," he says without thinking. His eyes widen in surprise when he hears himself, but he finds he does not mind as much as he would have thought.

"Besides, we are friends now, yes?"

They hope their desperation is not audible. They do not want to think about the Aaravos from their dream, but the words ring in their mind that they want someone to be their friend. Loki is picky, they do not want just anyone, but they do want Aaravos.

Aaravos's eyes water again. "Yes. Yes, we are friends. Yes."

He realizes his hand is still in Loki's, and decides to leave it there for now. If Loki does not mind, Aaravos would be happy to sit like this for a few minutes.

Loki sits up slowly, leaning back on their hands. "So… I can guess that what I attempted was dark magic. Does… does that happen every time? The nightmares? Seems very inefficient."

"No– no." Aaravos cannot think of any more words, the image of Loki's pained face pushing to the front of his mind. Impulsively, he moves to sit on the couch next to Loki and wraps his arms around them. "If– if you need to, to talk." He stops, then says, "I kno– I remember what it was like. For both of us."

Watching Ziard's nightmares had been worse than experiencing his own, though still not so bad as watching Loki's.

Loki is startled by the sudden hug, but… not in a bad way. Loki leans into the embrace, wrapping their arms tight around Aaravos and burying their face in his shoulder. They are sure that Aaravos can feel them shaking, but they cannot bring themself to care. After all, Aaravos is their friend, and Loki wants to believe that this is what friends do. They are not certain, but they hope so. "I saw you… in the nightmares… you had betrayed me. You were working for…" Loki swallows, and speaks the name they have not in years. "You were working for Thanos."

Aaravos's hands tighten around Loki's shoulders. "I will never betray you. Never."

Thanos. He files the name away, locking into his memory the fear in Loki's voice when they said the name. Whoever this Thanos is, he has hurt Loki badly enough to enter their dark magic nightmares, to hurt them even now through Aaravos no less, and he will pay.

"I know you won't… that's part of how I figured out it was not really you." They pull Aaravos closer in the hug. "Thank you."

They cannot put into words what they are thanking Aaravos for, it is a thousand little things. The safety they feel in Aaravos's presence, the fact that Aaravos found them and stayed with them, the knowledge that he is a friend, that he will not betray Loki. They try to communicate it all in those two words and the embrace, as it is all too much to say with mere words.

Aaravos nods, blinking in a vain attempt to keep his tears from Loki's hair. "Never," he repeats, not knowing what else to say.

Something Hope and I didn't realize until we were a fair bit of the way through this chapter is that this is taking place at the same time as its Rayllum parallel. We meant for Loki's nightmares and Aaravos's care to parallel Callum's nightmares and Rayla's care, in a way, but the timing was unintentional and perfect.

Also, yes, Loki switched from male to agender when they woke up. He/him to they/them also.

Please review! Reviews are life! While we do have a general direction we want the story to go, suggestions are always welcome! Concrit too. Say anything? :3