31st Dec.
1914
Epping, England

Tommy,

You've probably heard from Polly by now about George. It's been nearly two weeks since we found out after all. She's probably also told you about me.

The decision was an easy one. Maybe that's what hurt her most of all, but it's the truth. I've considered doing this since the war started, but with nothing left for me in Small Heath I feel I might as well. That's not true. I have a lot back there. Polly and Ada and Finn, but please understand that none of it feels the same any more. I'm almost not too sure I'd like to live.

I'm sure you remember after your Mum died, how you told me you might go away for a bit. I think you wanted to go to Ireland, to try and find some of her family. You didn't in the end because of your siblings. But my brother is dead now. And I need to find a way to deal with that, and I won't find it at home.

I'm in Epping to train, and once that's done they'll send me where they need me. It might only be back to London, but I hope it will be France. They don't send many VADs out there but a girl in my room says that's changing. The war is worse than they thought it would be, she says, and they need as many of us out there as possible. I knew that already.

I stayed for the funeral which was Polly's only request. None of you should be concerned that you missed it though, we didn't even have him to bury. It's just an empty plot that Polly spent too much money on. My brother is lying somewhere in France, alone and without anyone that loves him. I think that might be why I'm going. I can find him and maybe I can keep him company. If that's what happens, than so be it.

If I don't come back, or you don't come back, or somehow things manage to get worse than they already are, known that I love you. I promised George I would write once a week, and I can't even think to stop doing that, so I'm going to write to you instead. I know you haven't replied to any of my letters yet, but at the moment I don't really care. Maybe you haven't got them, maybe I haven't got your letters, but I won't make up a reason for the sake of it.

If you don't want to write that's alright Tommy. I'd really like it if you did, at least to know what happened on the train station wasn't just in my imagination, but it's alright if you don't. I hope my letters will be interesting and that France gives me lots to say. I hope you read what I say.

That's it for now. It is too difficult to go on and I don't want to write for the sake of it. If my decision has hurt you, or hurt anyone, then I am sorry. But I don't regret it.

Until I see you again,
Ever yours,
Liza

(20/02/2021)