A Box Full of Memories
by Castlefan6
Authors Note: AU Story for Rick and Jordan Shaw by request, prior to meeting Kate. This is TOTALLY AU, PRE-SERIES, with some fragments from Canon used, picks up where Rick has been dumped by Kyra and finds love with Jordan. THIS IS NOT CASKETT, THIS IS NOT CASKETT, THIS IS NOT CASKETT
I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.
Also, we take MANY liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events from other Canon episodes to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.
Chapter 4
Next Day, Four Days Before Book Tour
Rick's Dorm
/_/
Rick had enjoyed a wonderful day with Jordan the previous day, well up till this morning until she had to leave for a class, and he had to pack up the dorm room before he was charged another month's assessment.
He really didn't have a great deal left to pack, his clothes, some of his personal effects, shoes, and weights that he used working out. He had already taken his computer and stereo equipment, along with the important papers, including the original manuscript and notes for his next book to the new apartment.
He kept his seasonal clothes in the spare closet, he opened it to start, and there it was the damn box of memories and the letter he had placed on top of it once he found a home for the box weeks ago. After meeting Jordan, it seemed his life had changed, well it started with Georgie, but that was physical, Jordan was the complete package.
Georgie provided the physical distraction as well as forcing, well encouraging him to complete his novel. Who knew he had it in him? His only regret was that Sheila Blaine wouldn't know that Richard Castle and he were the same. Maybe it was a good thing, if it flopped, she wouldn't know to rub it in.
He remembered he had Paula Haas now as his publicist, or agent, whatever title needed at the time. He opened his phone and hit her number,
"Paula Haas here, everything OK Rickie, no nerves about the upcoming book tour are there?" she asked in her nasal tone,
"Hi Paula, of course, there are nerves, hell I never did this before so yes I'm nervous." He answered,
"Well, when you're signing the books think of something else, something that calms you, hell I always use sex to calm me when I'm nervous" as Rick burst out laughing,
"Thanks for the advise Paula, not quite what I was calling about, I wanted you to do me a favor," He asked softly,
"Ricky, I work for you, so whatever you need, it's not a favor, it's my job, OK? Geez, you gotta stop being so nice, hang around with me for a while, I'll whip you into shape" once again he laughed,
"OK, Paula, thanks for the clarification, now about the ask I was going to solicit your help with, I was wondering if you could send an autographed copy of the book to Sheila Blaine, BUT ONLY and I mean ONLY if it's a success," Rick said,
"Ricky, what do you mean IF it's a success, Black Pawn is about the cheapest bastards around, your book is number 17 on the NY Times list, and headed to be a best-seller, Paul Cowell doesn't spend a dime of his money without getting a dollar back, so I'll send the book out signature required, I know all about the witch." She said,
"What, I mean, how, I"
"It's my job to keep you out of trouble and to protect you from people like the two-timing Sheila Blaine, her daughter was too good for you but she's screwing the councilman of another ward, everyone knows" she laughed,
"OK, Paula, TMI, just send the book please"
"Consider it done Ricky, I'll see you Monday at the airport when we leave for the tour. Tell, Jordan it's all strictly business, unless, well"
"Paula, Stop !" he yelled, "Of course it's business, I'm not that kind of guy"
"OK, OK, you can't blame a girl for trying, I'll see you Monday" she hung up the phone.
He glanced down at the box, and the letter, well the box he could stuff in the storage locker, but the letter, well, he better deal with it, no secrets Jordan and he both promised.
He placed the letter on the counter again, and completed the move to the new apartment, then returned for the walkthrough with the Housing Administrator, to show he hadn't trashed the place and would get his deposit back. He picked up the letter, as he waited, she should be here soon.
Oh, what the hell, it had been months since that day, three months, three weeks, and four days to be exact, so what could she say that would matter to him now he thought.
He slid his finger under the envelope and pulled out the pages that he could recognize from a mile away, she had used the stationary he had gotten her for Christmas the first year they met. Her elegant handwriting with her particular slant on her letters, he would recognize that handwriting even if he were half-blind.
He looked down, and began to read, not knowing what to expect,
"Dear Rick,
"If you're reading this, I have finally gotten the courage to step out on my own. I know I've hurt you, I'm so sorry, actually sorrier than I could ever put into words on sheets of paper. I asked Bob to deliver the box, and well this, after I was gone.
"It was a cowardly way to say goodbye Rick, but you know me, I couldn't say it in person, or I would never leave, you have that hold on me. I know I told you I believed in marriage and a happily ever after, but I lied. My parents are married in name only, Mom has her list of boyfriends, and Dad, well if he's not at the club he's at his floozie's house. If that's marriage, then no I don't believe in it.
"Mother did arrange the program, I don't know who she screwed for me to get in, but Rick, it is a fantastic program, one I couldn't pass up. I know you blame my Mother for our breakup but really, if you think about it, if we were meant to be, nothing would or could come between us. Perhaps Mother did us both a favor, allowing us to dodge a bullet of a terrible marriage.
"With that said, even as lousy as marriage could or can be, I know that the only man in the world I would remotely consider even attempting it with now is you, Rick. You gave me faith in love again, and that makes this even harder to do than I thought. I know you must be confused, so am I, but I'm trusting as you call it the universe to guide me on this decision, I just hope I'm not destroying the best thing that ever happened to me, that would be you, Rick.
"I can't tell you how hard it was but I wanted to talk to you, so many times about my dreams, but I kept remembering all the times you had expressed your hopes to be a writer, only to be bashed by my mother, without me having your back. I'm sorry for that, you were my life, but you got the short end, I took what I needed and gave little in return. I hope you believe me when I ask for your forgiveness, I'm truly sorry.
"I know nothing I can write or say will ever make you understand, how can you when even I don't understand it myself. I'm also not a fool to think you're going to sit around waiting to see if I come back to you, or what will happen. I want you to know that when you asked me to just say it, I was so close to saying I love you, screw it I only wanted you. Instead, I took the route that I think will provide a future for me, the route my mother wanted for me.
"Rick, all I ask is that you begin to treat yourself as you treat others, stop living your life for someone else. You always wanted to be a writer, I'm sure you'll have great success, just please try, not for anyone but you. You have far too much talent to have its flame extinguished by cruel words uttered by my Mother, again, I'm so sorry.
"I should have defended you, hell I should have done so many things, but now, well now you've said it We're done, finished, and I don't blame you, forgive me for being the coward and putting even that on you as well. I couldn't bring myself to say those words, Rick, I'm so sorry for so many things.
"Rick, I don't know if you threw the box away or not, I wouldn't blame you if you had, but just in case you didn't, there's one special thing in there, you'll know it when you see it, that's all I'll say. If you did toss it, well, it wasn't worth a lot of money, but it meant the world to me.
"I hope in time, when or if we see each other again, you won't hate me, although I wouldn't blame you if you do. For the record Rick, I didn't need time, I didn't need space, I needed you, but outside interferences pulled me away from you. That only proves you deserve someone better, so my love, please try not to hate me, I will always love you, always"
IWALY – Always,
Kyra"
Hell, she even signed the letter with the initials for I will Always Love You, their song, God, he was confused. He knew how he felt about Jordan, at least he thought he did, until this damn letter, he had to talk to her and soon. He would never hurt her, but she had to know about this, together they could make sense of his feelings, she was the one he trusted now,
XxX
Rick finished up the move, and the Housing Administrator finally showed up, over an hour late, to do a five-minute cursory tour of the property, and finally to issue his refund check for his security deposit. Rick thought it was ironic, how long it had taken him to work, skimp and save for that deposit, and now, it was really discretionary income to him. He would never guess he would have the balance in his bank account as he did, ever, so he decided to start his next book.
He had talked to Jordy about her plans, she was going to the FBI job, starting in Quantico Virginia so Rick asked if she would mind putting in a good word for him. He didn't want to lose Jordy, not to a job, not to another state, not to anything at this point in his life.
Her uncle had agreed to speak to him, and they were planning a trip a week after he returned from his book tour to drive down to meet him. Rick had been running and working out, even more, he knew he had the mental aptitude, he was just concerned that he wouldn't be in the percentile for physical ability required for admission to the academy.
He returned to the new apartment, unloaded, and put away all of the items he had just cleared out of his dorm, and now had to decide what to do about the letter. He left it on the counter, so he would definitely talk to Jordy about it when she got home from class. For now, he was still full of energy, well nerves so he changed into his jogging clothes and went for a long run, trying to make sense out of the letter, and the relationship he had with Jordan.
As he ran, he thought that he never intended to get into another relationship, certainly not this quickly BUT he couldn't help himself, he missed Jordan every time he had to leave her, and when they were together it was nothing but fun, laughs, and love, especially love.
He and Kyra had settled into that routine of when to have sex, but it was a far cry from when they started out, and couldn't keep their hands to themselves after the first few months. He didn't want Jordan and him to fall into that same pitfall, she meant more to him than just a 15-minute romp in the sack.
That line of thinking made him realize the difference, Jordy was all in, while Kyra was still considering her options. He took a deep sigh of relief, now he just had to verify with the love of his life that his line of thinking was in accord with hers.
They both had been hurt badly by previous relationships, although Jordan wasn't ready to talk about her experience, only that it happened before college, or in the first year. Rick didn't press for details, knowing that her life before him was just that, BR, or Before Rick and none of his business. Georgie had told him that every woman had the right to hold on to some private information, especially if it occurred before meeting the new love.
He had showered, ordered her favorite Chinese, which was just delivered when she walked through the door, and directly to him. She pulled him into a deep kiss, rubbing his back with her arms almost as if she were trying to crawl inside of him. The kiss lasted a very long time until he looked into her eyes to see tears,
"Jordy, what's the matter, you're crying" he fretted,
"I love you, but you're going to have to learn the difference from happy tears to sad ones, these are happy. I thought all the way home from class, I wonder what he's done now to surprise me, and look"
On the table was a small bouquet of flowers, a card that simply said, I missed you, welcome home, and the take-out still hot.
"Oh, thank God, I thought I had done something to hurt you" he smiled, then resumed the kiss, as they walked together, still lips locked toward the table and the food.
"Why would you think that Rick? All you did was move the rest of your stuff from the dorm and get the deposit back, or did you do something you should tell me about?" Suddenly the kidding was out of her voice with the last few words,
"Well, remember when I told you about how Weldon came over the afternoon after she left for London? I left out that he had a cardboard box all sealed up, I'm guessing it's a few shirts or mementos she wanted to return, I really don't know. I tossed it on the couch, then put it away in the closet, and forgot all about it once I met you.
"She also wrote a letter, that I never read, well until today waiting on the Housing Administrator to show up, it's on the counter, and I wanted you to read it, no secrets, no lies, just as we promised."
"Rick, I don't have to read something she wrote months ago, I trust you, I really do." Jordy kissed him sweetly,
"I appreciate you wanting to show me but sweetheart, that was before we met, long before we became a couple unless there's something in the letter that will make you want her back, I don't need to see it."
"NEVER, Jordy, I would never go back to her, I have what I want right in front of me, but please? For me, just read the letter with me in bed. I want you to know everything that happened, so if I start to act like an ass you can call me on it, this relationship, it's, well it's what I live for now" tears came to his eyes,
"OK Rick, but let's eat, then have our glass of wine, I'll brief you on my day and tonight as you hold me in bed, I promise, I'll read the letter, OK?"
"That sounds good to me" as he stole another kiss, and held out her chair for her to sit, always the gentleman, God how did she find this man she thought, "Oh the box is still sealed in the storage closet, I really have no need or desire to open it" he whispered in her ear.
XxX
Bedtime
Rick had listened to Jordy's day with complete attention, he was even able to push the letter and words from a love gone bad out of his mind. Kyra had written a lot of things, but one thing she hadn't said, she wanted to come back. It was over, he knew it, she knew it, now he just had to convince his memories that every little thing they remembered should be erased.
He was making new memories, memories that didn't include her, but were centered around Jordan. She had done what he thought was impossible, healed his heart from aching every hour of every day. He was lying in bed, waiting on Jordan, lost in his thoughts when he felt her lips kiss him gently,
"I'm right here Rick, she's not going to hurt you, or me, not anymore, OK? I've got you, sweetheart," as she pulled him into an embrace. He had always prided himself on hiding his emotions, but Jordan could read him as though his thoughts were printed on his forehead.
"Thanks, Jordy, I know, I do. Sometimes, I just have trouble realizing how good I have it, I mean a beautiful girlfriend who loves me, and would do anything for me, a published book, which I think is doing well, one more year and hopefully, we both will start our careers together, I mean, I couldn't have written it better in a book." He said,
"Rick, is the problem really realizing those things, or is it thinking you deserve them all? I can tell you that you deserve them, and more. I wish I could do for you what you do for so many others love, you always reach out.
"You don't even realize it, but when you hear of someone needing help, the first four words out of your mouth, not once, but every time, 'How Can I Help? Rick, I am so proud to be your girlfriend, but so much prouder of the man you are." She pulled him into a long kiss, with a tear in her eye.
"Hey, don't feed my ego, you know how writers can get" he laughed, "Thank you, Jordy, for taking this broken bunch of human cells and making him want to live, want to love, and most of all want to make you happy" he returned her kiss, as his hand slid down the sheet and brushed the envelope,
"Jordy, here's the letter, read it sweetie, and I'll hold you, and any questions, please ask, you promise?"
Jordan took the letter from his hand and positioned herself in the V of his legs, leaning back against his chest, so he could read along, as well and her feeling him touch her. She had her own secret fear, she was living a dream and would wake up to see him choose Kyra over her and walk away. She needed to touch him, to feel him as she read the words from the other woman, well the previous one.
She read the letter, tears coming to her eyes, not for Kyra, but for Rick. How hurtful, she didn't know that his dream was to be a writer, he hadn't said anything, probably out of habit.
"Rick, Love, do you want to pursue a writing career, I mean I know we have that interview in a few weeks with my uncle in Quantico, but please, don't go there just for me. I mean I love you, I'll support whatever you want to do, even if you want to pursue a career in writing."
"Well, it started out as a hobby, I used it for relief, but something tells me I won't need that anymore. To answer your question, I would need something to always fall back on if, and please I know the success rate for authors isn't great. I would love to do it part-time, but to answer your question I want to pursue the FBI and write on downtime. Does that make sense, I mean"?
"It makes perfect sense" she kissed him sweet, deep, and long. "Rick, please just promise me, you'll never allow me to mistreat you, even unintentionally which I'm sure is what happened to Kyra. From what I read, she loved you, just not enough to break that tie that controlled her."
She looked up to see him smiling, "I promise Jordy, but you have to do the same," he kissed her, and the goodnight kiss started what turned into a very good night. The letter was placed on the nightstand, no longer an issue for either.
TBC