A Box Full of Memories
by Castlefan6
Authors Note: AU Story for Rick and Jordan Shaw by request, prior to meeting Kate. This is TOTALLY AU, PRE-SERIES, with some fragments from Canon used, picks up where Rick has been dumped by Kyra and finds love with Jordan. THIS IS NOT CASKETT, THIS IS NOT CASKETT, THIS IS NOT CASKETT
I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.
Also, we take MANY liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events from other Canon episodes to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.
Chapter 12
Los Angeles CA
Two Years Later
/_/
FLASHBACK TWO YEARS
Rick was surprised at how much the war had really impacted him, more than he ever knew. He was observed in a sleep study, after pulling his bandages off twice during a night terror session. It was determined that he was suffering from PTSD Dream Trauma, a condition in which the returning Vet relives his most traumatic events, to get resolution.
The debate raged between the experts as to why. One school was that they were trying to go back and make amends for their actions, the other group of scholars firmly believe that the shame or hurt of taking lives was the reason the scenarios played repeatedly in the dreams of the patient, offering them an avenue of forgiveness.
Many neuroscientists and psychologists believed that dreams helped to integrate experiences into long-term memory, a process called memory consolidation. Rick seemed to have two dreams of different events that would alternate his sleep pattern and cause him, night terrors.
During a frightening event, the body's fight-flight-freeze response is activated in order to protect the body from harm. Patients became hypersensitive to danger as the body released stress hormones, their pupils dilated, and their heart rate increased. After a short period of time to process a traumatic experience, this alarm system usually quiets and returns to normal functioning.
This was the part that was not working properly for Rick, typically there would be little if anything the therapists could do outside of the normal regimen of drugs, which Rick refused. He heard of an experimental program of hypnosis formulated by a therapist who had seen action and suffered as Rick did. The therapist would place Rick in a hypnotic state, then would take him back to the two events, and through his commands, would formulate an acceptable alternate action for those that really happened.
The program was unproven but had shown remarkable results in the few trials that had been done. Rick wanted it, regardless, he was tired of being afraid to close his eyes, terrified of falling asleep until his body was so tired, he actually would collapse.
Then the terrors would come, some nights worse than others, but it was worse than any day he had endured in the war, this dream played on loop until he woke, wet with sweat and fear, or was awakened by a nurse. Rick agreed to participate in the next clinical trial, starting in three weeks.
He had people he needed to see in those weeks, and well he had functioned without sleep before, he'd do it again. First on the list was Jordy, well, now Jordan Shaw. She and Tom had worked things out just as he had predicted, gotten married and now were expecting their first child. Jordan worked for the Washington, D.C. bureau of the FBI, and Tom was in his third year or a senior resident at GW Medical Center.
It was a short drive from the apartment he was renting in Maryland to D.C. and he needed to explain things to Jordan, this time face to face. He drove towards her home, with each mile becoming more worried that she would just slam the door in his face until he finally pulled onto their street and stopped the car across from their home.
He walked slowly up the drive, thinking how he could start the conversation off, and when he reached their front door, it flew open and suddenly Jordy was in his arms, almost like old times. Tom stood smiling in the doorway, for a long time, finally saying, "Jordan, I think we should ask Rick in, he may need to use the bathroom after his drive" he laughed,
She pulled back, Rick's hankie appeared out of nowhere as it always did and he wiped her tears as she pulled back but grabbed his hand pulling him toward the door.
"Oh my God, Rick, it's so good to see you. After Weldon and Montgomery got back all our sources of information dried up. We knew you had been wounded badly, but they wouldn't even tell us if you had become a casualty of the action" she said, tears pooling in her eyes as they entered the home.
"Rick, you want coffee, water, or the strong stuff?" Tom asked still smiling, as Rick took him into a Bro hug, and said,
"If Jordy makes it, I'll take the coffee, I had enough of your cooking to know you create most of your own patients" and the tense atmosphere was gone, it was three friends sitting and talking once again.
Rick looked good, well he looked very tired, but he was still in great physical shape, but his eyes, somehow his eyes weren't the same, almost like he was fighting something all by himself.
"OK Rick, let's have it, you know Jordan is an FBI profiler, and I'm a doctor, what's bothering you that is causing all the stress?" Tom asked after they had talked for about thirty minutes, carefully avoiding any talk of the service or the day he left.
Rick explained the PTSD diagnosis and the treatment program he was entering into in a few weeks, that was one reason he needed to see them both. He wanted to congratulate them not only on their marriage but also on the little one to arrive in about 6 months. They listened with keen interest, Jordan still holding Rick's hand as he briefly described the night terrors, and then the treatment.
"You haven't changed Rick, I was so angry at you, I stayed angry at you for months, until, well Tom had one too many drinks at our engagement party and let it slip that you were in Afghanistan, then I felt worried and guilt." She said, gripping his hand even tighter,
"Hey, I wish I could have told you the story, hell I wish I could still tell you now but the security clearance forbids it, Jordy. You know that even with your clearance you still don't have the need-to-know portion of justification for me to disclose it." He said softly,
"I know, but really Rick, you couldn't have let someone else go?" Jordy's eyes filled with tears.
"Look, it worked out OK, you two got together like you should have been all along, and well, now the little one is coming I get be an Uncle, even if not by blood." He said,
"Of course, you'll be the Uncle, we're family," Tom said surprising both Rick and Jordan.
"You don't know how many times I've played our talk over in my mind Rick, and I know, I used to just think but I know I wouldn't have been the bigger man if the shoe were on the other foot. I would have kept Jordan for myself and the happiness I had and let me deal with a broken heart the rest of my life.
"Thank you from the bottom of my heart, I will never hurt her again." He said as Jordan slipped an arm around his waist, still holding Rick's hand with her other.
"Well, I wanted to make sure you both knew what's going on, I'm headed to Los Angeles after treatment, they are making movies out of Derrick Storm and I get to try my hand at producing them. I think they're afraid I won't release the next two unless they give me the title," Rick laughed,
"Rick, you're welcome to stay, I have to leave for rounds at the hospital, but I think it would be good for you and Jordan both to clear up some things, out of my earshot. I know the situation, and I know who she married, thanks to you. If you get tired, we have the guest room, you're welcome" He said, as he kissed Jordan goodbye, and said, "call you later love".
Jordan closed the door, and things became quiet between the two of them, then they both said at the very same time "I'm sorry" then laughed,
"OK, Jordy, what are you sorry for?" Rick asked,
She blushed, "Well when you first left, I was angry, so very angry that you brought Tom back into my life. I made him wait two weeks before I would even talk to him. As he explained what had happened, I could see how he would have gotten the wrong idea, then I was angry at you."
"Me? Why were you angry at me Jordy? I knew once I discovered Tom and your history that it wasn't you being Kyra's rebound, hell I was the rebound. I couldn't let you stick to your pride, not even if it cost me the love of my life. You deserve to be happy, and now you are. That makes me happy Jordy, it really does. I have our memories, and I won't shed one of them" he said looking out the window,
"Speaking of memories Rick, hold on a second" as she left the room and returned with a cardboard box, Kyra's box she had sent to him now seemed like lifetimes ago.
"Here Rick, take it, I couldn't just leave it in the storage shed when we moved here, someday you may want to open it," Jordan said, quietly,
Rick took the box, and said softly, "Thanks Jordy, I really had forgotten all about this and her letter."
"Well, the letter is inside, you left it on top, and Tom didn't want just anyone reading your business, so he pushed it under the flaps so no one else but you could see it," Jordan said,
"Well, that was nice of him"
"Rick, he was serious, we've talked, more than we ever did before, and he realized that if you had been like most guys, he would never have gotten the second chance you provided for him. To be honest, I was hoping to be in your life, but I can see now, where that would have left me and you wondering If Only. No one deserves that when they pledge themselves to each other." She said softly as she pulled him in for a hug,
"Thanks Jordy, I think I'm going to head out, I need to call Bob Weldon, I haven't spoken to him, well since the night we left over there, and I know he was trying to find out what happened to me. I'm not ashamed of the PTSD anymore, I'm ready to talk about it, and hopefully, this treatment in a few weeks will end it, forever" he said tears in his eyes.
"Bob loved you like a brother, so I'm glad you're going to call him. I can't tell you how many times I've had to tell him no, I wasn't running you through this database or that one, he still cares Rick.
"Well, I felt guilty about him getting shot, I mean the only reason he was there was a ruse to get me there. He shouldn't have been used like that, what if he had been killed?" Rick said, tears coming to his eyes,
"Rick, he went through the same training as you, took the same oath as you, he made his decisions, he isn't sorry so reach out, it will stop him from blaming himself for not doing more for you. You men, I swear," she laughed
They parted with one sweet kiss on the lips and a hug that lasted for at least ten minutes. "Tell Tom to call me, I'll be here to help once my niece or nephew comes, OK?" He smiled,
"I will, and Rick, I do love you but like you said, I'm in love with Tom. I hope you find her, you deserve true love, so be happy, and keep in touch, OK? Let us know how treatments go" he kissed her cheek in the doorway and pulled himself away, and walked to his car.
Well, at least she didn't hate him, he thought she would, but thank God she was still his friend, and he was going to be an Uncle. He smiled as he jumped into the car, tossing a box that he had long forgotten into the backseat and headed toward New York. He needed to talk to a friend, and a phone call wasn't going to cut it.
XxX
Office of Councilman Weldon
New York City
Two Days Later,
Rick had disguised himself as an old homeless man and bribed Marcy, Weldon's secretary, and girlfriend he tried to keep secret to allow him to park in his office. Marcy had been Bob's girlfriend since freshmen year of college, and it appeared they reconnected once he got home.
On his wall, he had displayed a picture of himself alongside Rick and Captain Roy Montgomery a few days before the event that changed all of their lives. Next to that was his purple heart, and next to that was a parchment type of document showing all of those men in his and Rick's platoons that paid the ultimate price, under the document was in script, All gave some, Some gave all, RIP and thank you for your sacrifice.
Rick almost got choked up, he knew Bob wasn't just using the articles for political fodder, he truly believed in their cause and the fight for freedom. He had just sat down to begin the ruse when he saw his friend walk-in,
"Excuse me, may I help you, sir?" Bob asked,
"Yeah, you can where are all your campaign promises, you promised no one would be hungry, well I am, what are going to do about it?" Rick used his growl, Bob never could detect that voice,
"Well, I assure you, sir, we're keeping our promises just as fast as we can, you have to know I'm just one council member and I'm fighting for everyone in my district"
"BULL SHIT, you're like all the rest, promise everything deliver nothing. Hell, I bet you even bought those medals up there" that hit a nerve Rick watched his friend,
"Sir, I will guarantee you that those are not purchased, but I can't work with someone who won't give me a reasonable ask, if that's all you have to say, I'll have security show you to the cafeteria, eat lunch then leave" as he turned his back to reach for his desk phone, then he heard the laugh, he knew that laugh anywhere, turning around he saw his best friend pulling off layers of clothes and a wig, to reveal the Rick Rogers, AKA Rick Castle he knew.
"You son of a bitch, if you weren't such a welcome sight to these eyes I would"
"Careful Bob, remember where we both finished in hand-to-hand combat" Rick laughed again, "You're better off with your approach, feed them, then have security boot them out.
By now he was back to himself, "You convinced Marcy to let you do this, you're the only one she would do it for, God it's great to see you, Rick, we need to catch up" Bob said, almost in tears as he brought his friend into a tight bro hug. They were joined a moment later by Marcy, who in fact did care a great deal about Rick, but because he had always helped Bob, no matter what.
"Well, can you two get out of here, the Old Haunt is just down the street, and well we could use a drink and some good food," Rick said
"They don't serve food there Rick," Bob said, Rick replied they do since I bought it three months ago, so you want to go see the changes or not?"
They spent the next three hours talking Marcy stayed for the first hour, then left the two guys to catch up, she knew that Bob had tried to reach Rick since he had returned without success.
"So, Rick, what's the story, why did you just disappear? I mean I thought we were good the day all that shit went down" Bob said
"We're good Bob, always have been, I've been fighting PTSD, well, I didn't want anyone to know but I'm going for an experimental treatment in two weeks. After that, I'm going to Los Angeles for a while, and well, I'm sorry I have been hiding out, but I'm coming back now. Tell Roy when you talk to him, I'm good, I'll contact him sometime soon. This has been a lot I mean I"
"You saw Jordy and Tom didn't you, Buddy you have more gahoonas than I'll ever have, I mean"
"Bob, it's a long story, not for today, but it was all on me, never Jordy, so don't feel that way. She's happy with Tom and that makes me happy, hell, I'm going to be an uncle in six months" he said with his genuine smile
XxX
He returned to Maryland and decided what the hell, time to rip the band-aid off, as he retrieved the box of memories from the closet, opened it slowly. He placed the letter on the table, he had already read that years ago, he was interested in what the box contained. He was correct, it had three of his shirts, his toothbrush, some cologne, and ticket stubs to concerts they had gone to, he and Kyra.
He placed each item next to the letter on the table and finally a small box with a card attached to it was all that was left of the memories. He opened the card slowly, it was a Birthday Card, and then it came flooding back, Kyra had left on his birthday, he hadn't thought of that in years.
He slowly opened the box to see a small bottle, like an hourglass shape, all that was in it was a heart. He finally read the inscription, Rick, it isn't time in a bottle, but you have my heart, sealed, now and forever, Happy Birthday, Love Kyra"
He placed it next to the remainder of the items, the clothing was going to be trashed, the other memories, went back into his box of memories. He had stopped hurting by now, and could think of her without the hate or hurt, only remembering the love.
PRESENT TIME
Rick was glad that the treatments and follow-up therapy had worked, he was able to sleep without the night terrors. He had just about learned the role and how to be a good producer by the time the third book was scheduled to start shooting. Paula, Walter Austin, and the Book Gods had been good to him, his investments now topped $20 million dollars and climbing every day.
The only snag in his life had just concluded, he and his wife had just divorced after 14 months, thank God she signed a pre-nuptial agreement. Meredith was an average actress with a sex aptitude FAR above average, accounting for the roles she had been cast in before they married. Now she was a mother to his little daughter, a role she didn't want any part of.
As hurtful as it was, he paid her the cash settlement to sign over full custody to his child, Alexis, and knew he had to leave Los Angeles, Meredith was never one to keep her word. He moved back to New York, purchased the Loft, and got reacquainted with Black Pawn Publishing, and his new editor Gina Cowell, Georgie's little sister
Several years, three books, and another divorce later Rick was now concentrating on developing a new character and becoming the best father he could be. Adding to that complexity, Martha Rogers, the Diva, and his Mother moved back into his loft after losing her life's savings to her 6th husband. God, she'd never learned he thought, then what room do I have to judge.
He was anxiously awaiting the release of the final Derick Storm novel in a few weeks. His decision about deciding to end the series had played a large part in his divorce, but frankly, he was bored, bored with the character, and the direction. He was sick of him being so predictable that he could write a book without looking at any research, he needed a challenge.
Little did he know that he was about to get that wish, not only a challenge but a reunion with an old friend. One he had promised to contact and failed to do so, the Universe was about to intervene, at the most unlikely times, his book launch.
Three weeks later he heard the beautiful voice of a female detective say,
"Mr. Castle?"
Rick turned around to greet what he thought was another fan requesting an autograph
"Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD. We need to ask you a few questions about a murder that took place earlier tonight."
The End
If you haven't read A Better Part of Valor this is my attempt to provide a backstory for that fic. I would like to thank all readers, especially those who reviewed and sent private messages. Special thanks to the owner of this prompt, a very special reader and fan Irene, AKA Manxkid, Thanks for your support, and constant encouragement, I hope I did this proud for you,
Tim