Just a short omake I wrote up in a few hours. Pretty crack-y concept. Essentially someone before joked about the idea of Maidens having to be actual, well, maidens in order to keep their powers. Like the Hunters of Artemis have to be celibate in the Percy Jackson books.

So I wrote this. At least this time Jaune isn't the one suffering; everyone else on the team is. Probably past due, all things considered.

I'm also thinking of a dark what-if scenario where team RWBY-J beat Salem...but because their status as Maidens were exposed they now have to deal with entire factions if not kingdoms trying to kill them out of greed for the Maiden powers. It would be pretty dark and angsty compared to my usual omakes, but it might be nice. We'll see.

Not sure if I mentioned it before, but I put up a poll on my fanfiction profile on who should be genderbent between Jaune or Mercury (or both or neither) for the upcoming Silverknight omake. Mercury's leading currently, so at this rate we're gonna get dommy mommy tomboy Maya Black instead of human fluffball and cool big sis Joan.

The Maidens were considered the most powerful women on Remnant, and with good reason. Each one could bend the forces of nature to their will and they only got stronger as they realized their true potential. Legends and fairy tales spoke of their prowess. Queens who ruled uncontested, warlords who nearly took over Remnant, heroes who saved the land and villains who terrorized it. Almost nothing could stand in the way of a fully realized Maiden.

What the stories didn't tell, however, was the cost of such a power.

Something Jaune himself only found out a week in to his abrupt membership with team RWBY.

You see, Jaune did find it odd that only women could be Maidens. Aura was unisex but not magical powers? But then he figured, hey, it wasn't any of his business. He was a kid from the countryside who wanted to be a Huntsman, magic and all that weird conspiracy stuff was above his head. And yes, he was also curious on why it was specifically only women under thirty that were viable, but again he kept his mouth shut. None of his business, he'd say to himself.

Turned out there was another clause in the contract.

Jaune opened to the door to team RWBY's room and was met with an all too familiar sight. Ruby was at the center of the room, Crescent Rose disassembled as she did her weekly maintenance; Weiss was off to the side studying as she always did; Yang was playing games on her scroll; and Blake was at bed reading one of her favorite book series. It was a calming and serene image of a team that found comfort in one another's presence.

Or at least it would've been if it wasn't for the thick miasma of sheer frustration that hung in the air. He'd barely announced his presence before Ruby looked up and surged towards him in a haze of flower petals, "Jaune, Jaune, you're back!" She looked up at him with those bright silver eyes and tugged on his arm, "Come on, me first, me first!"

"Excuse me." Weiss huffed and stood up, slamming the textbook shut with a loud snap, "I believe I'm entitled to Jaune's deliberations first."

"Hmph." Blake set her book down and stood up, "You can get any kind of spa treatment you want with your bottomless credit card. Let the rest us 'peasants' first."

"Pfft, yeah, not a chance, partner." Yang rolled her eyes, "I was the one who had to fight a doubles round in Ms. Goodwitch's class. I'm damn sure that means I get the magic hands first."

And just like that they were all bickering again. Jaune sighed and, as was becoming all too common nowadays, questioned his choices in life. You see, the Maidens were gifted with incredible power, but the price of their gifts was steep: like their namesake, they truly had to be Maidens.

And if that was too vague, then here was the blunt version. Ever heard of No Nut November? Well, try No Nut Eternity and see how far you could get.

...

Yes, he wasn't joking. The price for Kingdom-destroying powers was a lifetime chastity belt. He laughed when Ozpin first told him; laughter that swiftly stopped when the headmaster didn't laugh with him and just looked with utter seriousness till Jaune finished. It didn't take long for Jaune to also realize the gravity of the situation. Four teenage girls - people at the height of puberty and hormones - had just been given power that could destroy kingdoms, and it was at least partially controlled by their emotions. Emotions that wouldn't be very happy when they realized they'd signed up for lifetime unwanted celibacy.

...Well, it definitely explained why a disproportionate amount of said women in legends ended up being supervillains of some kind. That wasn't a dig against women; he was damn sure guys would've done the exact same thing, if not worse, if you told them they couldn't bust it anymore.

Jaune had immediately tried to run before Ozpin - headmaster of the most prestigious Huntsman academy in Remnant - vaulted over his comically oversized table and tackled him to the ground. Then came the offers. Personal training, a guaranteed spot in Beacon, even an increased weekly stipend. Anything to get to stay.

And why him and not anybody else? Was it his skill? Perhaps his strength of character? No, it was because of his Semblance. Apparently it could act as an anaphrodisiac - not to be confused with an aphrodisiac, which would just make things ten times worse. Transferring Aura apparently felt super good and calmed down even raging psychopaths, and since Aura transfer was a rare Semblance Ozpin had been more than a little desparate.

Not that he was the first choice. That 'honor' went to one Lie Ren, though when Ozpin tried to recruit him Nora Valkyrie had apparently taken offense. Then she broke Ozpin's legs when he tried again despite her warnings.

Now Jaune was here, trying to keep the peace in four teenage girls whose resting state was 'annoyed at the world' at best. What was their worst? He didn't know yet and he didn't want to find out.

"I wanna go first? Pleaasseee?" Ruby looked up at him with the full force of her patented puppy dog eyes. He was immune to it, seven sisters and all, but a weaker man would've succumbed on the spot.

"Don't be daft, Ruby, it's obvious that I deserve it first for helping you all through midterms." Weiss scowled.

"You did that yourself because you couldn't take your teammates 'receiving anything below ninety'," Blake said, turning her voice high in a creepily accurate copy of Weiss, "I think it's obvious I need to go first."

"That's cause you keep reading porn books even though you know you can't use them for anything!" Yang threw her hands up.

"They're not porn! Just because Ninjas of Love has well-written intimacy scenes doesn't mean it detracts from the plot!" Ruby tried to sneak by before Blake grabbed her arm, "And where do you think you're going?"

"Ahehe...getting my massage?"

Just like that they were arguing again. Jaune looked out the window and saw the weather turning into something straight out of hell, "Alright, here's how we're doing this." Jaune clapped his hands and they all watched him pick up four slips of paper from the desk, "I'm gonna write down numbers from one to four and you each pick one after I shuffle them around. I'll do it in order from there. This way it's fair and no one can complain." They looked like they were gonna protest that anyway when he spoke up, "And whoever complains gets skipped.

That got all their attention. The four most powerful women on Remnant stood ramrod straight and looked at him with disbelieving eyes, "Y-You wouldn't..." Yang whispered in horror.

"It's the only way to keep you guys from fighting, so I will." He crossed his arms, "Now let's do this."

Ruby ended up being first, followed by Yang, Weiss, and then Blake for last. The catgirl wilted in her seat and he actually did feel sorry for her. Then again Yang did have a point that she kept reading smut even though she knew she couldn't use it. She'd protested when they pointed it out that apparently there were a lot of plot criticial scenes and contexts that she couldn't just skip, but at that point he figured she was just bringing it on herself.

The cloaked reaper lay down on her front and the others watched jealously as he transferred his Aura to her. He didn't know what it felt like since he transferring Aura to himself didn't feel like anything, but from what the others told him it was like getting a massage and spa treatment all rolled into one. Weiss had even compared it to a five star resort she once went to; and that compared to him they came up lacking. He wasn't sure how honest she really was, though, considering she used it to explain why she needed it at least three times a day on the hour.

"Afpgdhh," Ruby slurred, feeling relief wash over her in waves. Blake looked like she wanted to killer.

The transfer lasted for fifteen minutes and by the end of it Ruby looked like she'd just been given a plate of chocolate covered strawberries, "Thanks, Jaune!" She chirped as she stood, the miasma of frustration gone like it was never there.

He knew better, though. It'd be back the next day. You would've thought that someone so sweet and innocent would've been immune to that stipulation, but hormones didn't care if you were a Simple Soul. Puberty took no prisoners.

"Alright, next."

Yang let out a sigh of relief as she took her place and he did it all over again. This was his life now.

Jaune took a sip of the hot chocolate as he sat across Ozpin at the older man's office. They did it once or twice a week. Officially it was for him to report on how team RWBY was doing. Unofficially it was to give him a short break because expending his Aura to near-empty every day wasn't healthy. Jaune would've been surprised Ozpin cared if he didn't know for a fact the old man just wanted to make sure he lasted. If he was gone then all of Vale - possibly Remnant as a whole - was doomed.

The two of them sat in silence and didn't say a word to one another. What was there to say? Team RWBY still hadn't destroyed Beacon despite their constant pent-up state, so obviously things were going well. At first he'd asked what exactly his plan was for the long term. He calmed them down every day, the sink was already overflowing and at best he was loosening the plug to let it drain. Eventually that wouldn't be enough.

And every time he asked the gray haired bastard pretended not to hear him. He didn't have a plan and apparently he was hoping that Jaune was willing to act as the team's personal Aura guy till they were all forty. And somehow he doubted it'd be that soon.

Jaune sighed and set the cup down. The Maiden powers truly were a curse. If someone offered him unlimited power in exchange for not being able to nut anymore he would've laughed to their face. It wasn't even a choice you could back out on. Once you had the powers they were stuck. What if you changed your mind, you might ask? Surely there was nothing stopping you from just doing the deed, powers be damned, right?

Hahaha...no.

He knew that because a week ago Yang had screamed that she 'couldn't take it anymore!' and tried to do just that...while they were all in the same room. They'd barely gotten out of there before her shorts were down, though the more teenage part of him declared undying hatred at the sensible part not letting him stay.

They came back hours later to find Yang panting, red faced...and even more frustrated than before. Turned out the Maiden powers didn't just mean you weren't allowed to break your Maidenhood but that you literally couldn't. Yang had broken down in tears as she confessed that she couldn't...release, and the other three had enough pity to allow her to go first so the Aura transfer could calm her down.

They found out a couple of days later that was how Yang's mom - the previous Spring Maiden - died. It wasn't being killed cause she was a bandit or fighting a Grimm, she'd literally offed herself cause she couldn't go another day with the powers and the price it cost her.

"You know team RWBY hates you," Jaune said in the same tone one used to talk about the weather, "Yang goes to sleep at night talking about all the ways she can make you suffer for cursing them. Even Ruby says she can shoot you from a mile away and you wouldn't even realize."

"The Maiden's powers are a gift."

"Not how they see it."

"They have the power of the elements."

"And they're in a perpetual state of blue bean. I'm pretty sure no one on Remnant thinks that's a good trade." Another sip, "I might have asked this before, but what the fuck were you thinking? Like it was weird enough that it had to be women under thirty, but this is just cruel and unusual. I doubt even Salem would do this to her worst enemies." Killing someone? Sure. This? That was just horrible.

"...I may have been drunk at the time. And heavily depressed, but also drunk."

Jaune nodded. That explained so much, "How's Cinder doing, by the way?" Cinder Fall, the woman who tried to take away team RWBY's magic...until they told her exactly what the price entailed for just one power, let alone four. She'd changed her plans very quickly after that. Sure, Salem destroying the world also changed her mind, but it was mostly realizing that the price of power was, in fact, too steep even for someone like her.

"She's actually doing quite well as Glynda's assistant. You'd be surprised at how quickly she adapted when she realized she didn't have to fear for her life," Ozpin replied.

"Hm..." Jaune looked out the window and saw a tornado of fire and lightning shooting out over Vale. He sighed, "...Looks like I have to get back."

"Good luck, Jaune."

"Fuck you, Ozpin."

"...Same time next week?"

"Never miss it."

"You're what?" Weiss' voice was stiff as she regarded him. All of them were looking at him with that expression of desperation and betrayal. Ruby actually looked like she was about to break down in tears.

"I'm going home for the week." He put another shirt into the suitcase, "Dad needs the whole family for a business thing and I promised I'd be there." Jaune sighed. He knew they'd take it badly, but they were acting like he stabbed them in the guts then told them to go screw themselves.

"And...you're sure this can't be postponed, perhaps indefinitely?" Weiss asked.

"No, Weiss, I can't just not go."

"Wh-Why not?" Ruby warbled.

"Because dad needs us all there and this is important?" Why did he have to explain this? Sure being pent-up sucked, but he was pretty sure a week wouldn't kill them. They'd just gotten used to his presence, that's all. Once he was gone they would...okay, they'd still be pretty pissed, mostly at Ozpin, but at least they could survive. Humans and Faunus were survivors. They had to in a world with Grimm.

"W-We can come along!" Yang said in a rush, "We're a family too, right?! Team RWBY-J! Come on, gang, let's-

"Yang. No." He slammed the suitcase shut, "This is a personal thing, so no friends from school. Period."

Blake didn't say a word, but judging by the way she was looking at his suitcase she was probably planning some sort of sabotage to keep him from going. Ha, good luck. He'd been with them for months. He knew all her tricks.

"Is this a matter of money? You said it was a business matter, so it must be." She took out her black card, voice desperate, "How much to buy you?" She meant his services...right? "Name your price, Jaune, we're all reasonable people here. I'm sure we can come to an understanding!" The last words ended up sounding more manic than she realized. Jaune took a cautious step back, "The resources of the SDC can be yours if you just don't go!"

"...I'll see you all next week." With that, he grabbed the suitcase and walked out the door while team RWBY cried in utter despair behind him. Blake did try to sabotage his Bullhead, but she failed. Again, he knew all her tricks.

Being back home felt weird. No magic and no daily Aura transfers meant he felt more relaxed and rested than he had in months. Team RWBY constantly messaged him every day, asking if he was done with whatever he was doing and he could come back early. He always answered in the negative and eventually had to turn his scroll to silent to avoid the barrage of messages they sent his way.

The business thing ended up being multiple lucrative deals that needed the entire family's help. It was big; the kind of thing that could put Arc Vintage on the map. He ended up working with Saphron to talk with Hei Xiong from Vale. Apparently he had contacts across the kingdom and he was looking for a reliable supplier. Being that they were the only two that left home, they were the best fit for him.

He even got a date out of it. One of the twins who came with Xiong, a dark haired girl in red who called herself Militia. The two of them flirted a bit after the negotiations were done and when she found out he was attending Beacon she asked if he wanted to hang out when he got back. He'd said yes and then they...well, he did something that team RWBY would probably kill him if they know he did it.

He was laying down on his bed with an equally naked Miltia when he got a call on his scroll. Not from team RWBY, but actually Ozpin, "...Hello?"

"Jaune. A fine day to you." Jaune's brows furrowed. He sounded...off, "I call on behalf of team RWBY who are asking if you could come back earlier?"

"Uh...no, not likely." Miltia shifted behind him, "Why the sudden call? Did they do something?"

"Yes, you could say that." A pause, "Salem was curious as to what was taking Cinder so long to gain the powers of the Maidens and so she decided to come check herself. Personally." Ozpin sounded way too calm considering what he just said.

"And...? I mean you're not dead. Or reincarnated. You know what I mean."

"Salem never saw me. She ran into team RWBY first and made the mistake of antagonizing them. Then they..." His next breath came as a deep shudder, "They killed her, Jaune. Salem is dead."

...

"What?" Jaune asked blankly.

"She's dead."

"I heard you, it's just...wasn't it a big deal that Salem couldn't be killed? Like it was a whole thing?"

"I thought her unkillable as well, but apparently there are things even the Brother Gods are unwilling to go against; and the wrath of four Maidens at the height of their frustration is one of those. So yes, they killed Salem and she is very much dead." There was a pause, "Please come back, Jaune. I'm scared."

"I-"

He didn't get a chance to say anything before he heard the door slam open, "Hey, is that Jaune? The better be Jaune, you fucking bastard!" It took him a second to realize that the casually threatening voice was coming from Ruby. Sweet, innocent Ruby who was threatening to shove Ozpin's cane up his ass if he was fucking lying to her, "Put him on speakerphone! Now!" He'd never heard someone so squeaky sound so threatening.

"...Ruby?"

"Jaune!" Ruby chirped, like she didn't just threaten to sodomize their headmaster, "It's been so long!"

"Ruby...it's been three days."

"A while, like I said." She giggled, "So, me and the girls-"

"Is that Jaune?" Blake asked, voice sounding hoarse, "Is he coming back? We need-"

"Tell him to come back!" Yang interrupted, "We'll do anything! Weiss even agreed to buy his whole village!"

"I did, Jaune! You don't have to worry about anything ever again! Just come back and-"

"Babe, who is that?" Miltia wrapped her arms around his shoulders and plopped her head next to his. Silence came from the other end and he heard Ozpin whimper.

"Jaune...who is that?" Ruby asked softly.

"Ah, that's a bit of a- wait, don't go to video call!"

Too late. Jaune could only watch as all the faces of team RWBY appeared on the screen. The scroll was held up that they couldn't see anything too risque, but it was enough for them to understand what had happened. That Jaune had gotten what they were so cruelly denied by the hands of an unforgiving fate.

A stifling silence settled over them again, broken only by Ozpin's soft sobbing in the background. It was the cry of a man who knew he was doomed and nothing could save him.

Miltia was the first to break the silence.

"Hey, that's the blonde gorilla who wrecked our bar," She sneered at the screen, "I didn't know you knew this guy, but that definitely makes this way better." She kissed his cheek, and despite the situation he found himself smiling like a dope.

Ozpin gurgled, "Jaune, you fool! You've doomed us-" The last thing he saw before the screen cut away were all of team RWBY's eyes flaring with Maiden power.

And then there was a bright flash outside. Jaune stumbled to the window and watched as an explosion in the shape of a mushroom cloud rose up in the air far in the distance. That was where Beacon was, right? He had no idea why, but the word 'nuke' suddenly came to mind. Weird.

Alright, so Beacon was probably gone, Ozpin at the very least was dead, and he was pretty sure team RWBY would be pretty pissed when he came back; assuming they didn't just come rushing over here in a frothing rage.

On the bright side he had a girlfriend, he wasn't a virgin anymore, and team RWBY couldn't kill him or Miltia or else he wouldn't use him Semblance on them anymore. Everything was coming up Jaune.

Poor Ozpin. Then again, what the hell did he think was gonna happen when you put an involuntary celibacy clause in the magic and make it so that even trying to break it wouldn't work? At least the team took out Salem first so Ozpin might actually be able to rest in peace now.

Next omake will be the second and last chapter for Reverse RWBY. With that in mind I do have a question.

1. For the next Reverse RWBY chapter, would you guys prefer if the segments came from the POV of the Reverse RWBY girls or from Jaune? The former would feel relatively new and offer more shenanigans while the latter would be more a copy of the early main story chapters except Jaune is now confident and charming enough to handle their various hang-ups.

2. Some people expressed an interest in Reverse Pyrrha since she was very similar to Kobeni, which is funny cause I started reading Chainsaw Man after those reviews :P I have a couple of segments in mind for Reverse Pyrrha interacting with Ruby and Blake. Would you guys be interested those? They aren't long enough to be a full chapter, but they could still be funny.

Review Answers:

Chuck B. Winanaki - Nah, Blake's always tries to be big spoon cause she's the Worst ;)

BrazeRancor - I mean BlakexJaunexYang is also implied given how Blake reacts to Yang kissing her and not being against the marriage in general. Also, are you really surprised that Mistral would allow half-sibling marriages? I'm not.