Alison stood in the kitchen cleaning up from that afternoon's lunch things between she and Jake had been a bit on the strained side since their return from North Carolina a little over a week ago. It was more than a bit obvious that Jake was chomping at the bit to get back to the circuit and to Jason. He doubled his therapy sessions to achieve that goal. She was worried he was pushing himself too hard and it seemed no matter what she said they ended up in one argument or another. Her relationship with Jake was turning into a bad rerun of the one she had with her son and that upset her more than she liked to admit.

She dropped her body heavily onto one of the kitchen chairs and let out an exasperated sigh. For all of her trying she had been unsuccessful in getting either man to see the evils of NASCAR. In all reality all she had really done was reopen her own wounds when it came to racing. Yet she was unsure that they had really ever healed in the first place – most of the time she fooled herself into believing they had. Her life in Texas had been devoid of anything even remotely tied to racing and on the rare occasion when she was forced to confront it Alison found herself licking a festering sore that ultimately had refused to heal.

Standing up she shook off those thoughts and squared her shoulders refusing to allow memories to get the better of her. Loading the last of the lunch plates into the dishwasher Alison made her way into the living room hoping to try one more time to get Jake to ease up on himself. She really did fear he was pushing himself too hard. She believed that so much so that she found herself almost placing a call to Elizabeth Ryan sensing somehow that she would be the only person Jake would listen to. "Jake," she began but stopped short when she heard his voice talking into the phone receiver.

"I just want to get back to the track – to my life," he said. Alison felt her heart sink deep in her chest. "I am stronger. Hell I'm probably more so now than before my heart attack," he argued. "I need to get back to North Carolina."

Alison quietly backed away from the doorway and padded silently down the hallway to her bedroom but not before stopping to stare through the open door leading to the guest room Jake had been using since his arrival. It looked like a mini NASCAR museum inside. It seemed like every photo ever taken of her husband adorned most of the horizontal surfaces of the room. There were pictures of the four of them – Erik, herself, Jason and Jake, Erik, Jason and Jake, a few of Jason and his father and the ones that got to her the most were those of her and Erik standing in the winners circle. She felt the tears sting her eyes as she wrapped her arms across her chest almost able to feel the way Erik's would have felt holding her.

"Ali?" Jake's soft voice from behind startled her. "What is it?" he asked seeing the tears that had made way to her cheeks.

"Nothing," she said quickly wiping away the remnants of them. "Where are you off to?" she questioned seeing his running shoes in hand.

"I was about to go change my clothes and go for a jog."

"You will do no such thing. Haven't you pushed yourself enough already for one day? I mean good heavens you spent over two hours today at therapy this morning."

"Therapist said a brisk jog wouldn't do me any harm," Jake countered as he entered his room.

"I disagree."

"And would you like to tell me when you got your degree in physical therapy woman?" Jake's tone had a bite to it. He had grown weary of their ever constant bickering.

"I just think you are doing yourself more harm than good."

"No," he countered. "Let's be truthful Alison. You just don't want me going back to North Carolina. You think if you can keep me holed up here that somehow Jason's going to change his mind and stop racing." Jake finally laid his cards out on the table. "The only reason I came out here with you in the first place was because I knew if I stayed in North Carolina Jason would be too preoccupied with my recovery to give his all to the rest of the season," he added.

"That's not it at all!"

"Don't play me for a fool Ali especially since you know I ain't one. Just admit it and admit that Jason's never going to change his mind about racing no matter how long you keep me here."

"I can't do that," she whispered as her eyes again for drawn to the photos of her husband.

"From where I stand you don't have a choice."

"Do what ever you want you stubborn old fool since I know you will anyway!" Alison said turning away from him before he could see the tears again cresting her thick lashes.

"Ali, wait," he said dropping his shoes to the floor. "Wait," he said again as he reached out stopping her with a hand to her shoulder. "Look at me," he instructed. When she didn't immediately comply with his request he used his strong arm to force her around. It was then he saw the full blown tears soaking her face. Instantly he felt like a heal. "Ali, what? Why are you crying?" Jake was a little confused it wasn't like they hadn't had this argument adnaseum as of late.

"Please, please just let me go," she pleaded not at all ready to discuss the reason for her tears.

"I won't," he said stubbornly. Over the years he had grown to see himself as part of the Morgan family. He had been there through all the struggles and all the good times and he wasn't about to turn away now. "What's the matter?" he pressed.

"I can't, I can't do this, Jake."

"Do what, honey? What can't you do?"

"I can't relive it over and over again. It hurts too much," she sobbed. "You don't know what it's like for me. You have no idea what seeing all those pictures of Erik does to me. I lost a part of myself that day on that track and you and Jason both expect me to act like I didn't."

"That's not what we are asking of you."

"Yes you are. You expect me to just sign off on something that I know has the potential to kill."

"No what we want is for you to accept that Jason is a grown man who can make his own choices even if you don't like the ones he makes. All Jason's wanted was to have his mother back. Ali, he lost a big part of his life just like you did. Erik meant the world to him you know that… …"

"Yes, but you were ready and willing to step up and take his place in Jason's life."

"No one can take Erik's place in either of your lives and I never tried to. All I did was be there when Jason needed me the most."

"And you're saying I didn't do that?" she questioned.

"I'm sure that you already know the answer to that question," Jake said honestly. "Honey you ran so fast away from North Carolina the hounds of hell couldn't even have caught up with you. You thought by removing yourself from it all that you would forget. How's that worked out for you?"

Alison took a ragged breath as her cries began to subside. "It hasn't," she answered truthfully.

"I know," he said resting his arm over her shoulder. "I can't tell you want to do Alison no more than you can Jason or me but you have to find a way to deal with Erik's death. I mean really deal with it for once or you are going to be stuck running in place for the rest of your life. And he wouldn't want that for you. You were the light of your husband's life. Everyone around him could see that and I know he left us too soon. God I still ache for him sometimes but I can't let that pain get the better of me and that's what you have done all these years. You've let your pain consume you to the point that it's eating you alive."

Alison turned away from Jake's all knowing stare. How the truth in his words stung. No one but Jake would have been as brutally honest with her. When she first arrived back in Texas her parents coddled her and Erik's name was never mentioned and their grandson Jason became not much more than a distant memory since they felt nothing good could come of his obsession to be just like his father. They made it as if her life in North Carolina had never existed yet Jake's plethora of pictures told otherwise. "I don't know if I can do what you're asking."

"No one can do it for you Ali. It's something you have to do for yourself. I'm here if you need me. I will do everything I can to help you but the one thing I won't do is try to change your son. I am proud of Jason and I know that somewhere in heaven Erik's beaming with pride as well. I'm going to go for that jog now," he said squeezing her hand and gently kissing her on the cheek before disappearing behind the door of his room.

For a moment Alison stood outside the closed door hand resting on her cheek. There was a strange stirring deep within her she couldn't explain. She walked to her own bedroom closed the door and opened the bottom bureau drawer retrieving her wedding album from years ago.

Jason looked at his watch as he rolled into the parking lot at Ryan Racing. He was getting a much later start that morning than he intended to but after being out until dawn he hadn't been able to drag himself out of bed. The late start was well worth it in his eyes since he felt that he had made great progress the night before in terms of his tentative relationship with Elizabeth. Easily he could replay every nuance that had taken place between them. She had even let him kiss her gently while they stood saying their goodbyes at her car. Jason could still feel the way her mouth felt against his and had spent the better part of the night laying in bed just reflecting on it all.

He slammed the door to his truck and walked through the large gate and headed towards the garage. He needed to give his car the once over to be sure it was ready for the pounding he was sure he would be delivering it in the upcoming feature which was only a few days away. Jason scanned the Ryan Racing compound as other drivers and mechanics milled around. There was a part of him that still felt very much uncomfortable there. He missed the tranquil feeling he had at Jake's garage or the way it felt like home to him. Ryan Racing would never be his home yet the thoughts of Elizabeth that circled his brain had him wondering.

He opened the door and the bright sunlight from behind him case a large shadow on the dirty concrete floor. He shielded his eyes just a bit and caught sight of Tom hovering over one of the work benches. He was curious what kind of a mood his friend would be in that morning since the night before Tom was anything but happy. Jason had to wonder how big of a hangover he might have since he certainly was far from sober when they parted company. Jason made his way across the garage towards Tom hoping to talk to him and find out what was bothering him.

Tom picked up the business envelope and toyed with it between his fingers. There in bold type across the front of the stark white covering was Jason's name. Tom turned it end over end in his hands resisting the urge to open it. Normally he wouldn't have thought twice about leaving it there for Jason but something about what he witnessed last night had him believing whatever was inside was from Elizabeth and that thought alone had his fingers itching to tear it open.

Tom felt his breathing grow erratic once more as the images of Jason and Elizabeth from the bar bombarded him. Even as he lay in bed last night almost in a drunken stupor he couldn't get away from the visions of them that danced through his brain. Over and over they replayed themselves until they made him sick to his stomach. Suddenly Tom found his fingers ripping at the flap that sealed the envelope addressed to Jason. He had to know what Elizabeth was giving Jason.

His hands shook as he pulled out the thick folded papers from their resting place anticipating the very worst yet as Tom began reading the sick feeling from the night before returned but for an entirely different reason. His eyes scanned and rescanned the forms in front of him. He couldn't believe what he was reading. He wouldn't believe it. This had to be a joke – a sick joke. "This can't be true," he said in a whisper.

"What can't be true?" Jason's voice startled him.

"Nothing," he said as he hastily tried to stuff the papers back in the envelope and hide it from Jason. There was no way he was going to let his best friend read such garbage.

"By the look on your face it doesn't seem like nothing," Jason countered thinking that perhaps he was about to find out what had been bothering his friend and mechanic.

"It's nothing really," he assured him as he folded the mangled envelope and trying to stuff it quickly into his back pocket with thoughts of burning it the first chance he got.

"Does that have my name on it?" Jason asked seeing just a bit of what he believed to be his name.

"No," Tom lied.

"I think it does," Jason countered as he snatched it out of Tom's tattered jeans pocket. "You opened it?" he said as his fingers grazed the ragged edges of the crisp white paper.

"I thought it was racing business," Tom said trying to cover his actions.

"And was it?" he asked reaching inside pulling out the now poorly folded stack of papers.

"No it was just something stupid… …"

"Then why were you trying to keep it from me?" Jason cut him off.

"It's just someone playing a practical joke. I didn't think you'd want to see it."

"I don't mind a good joke now and again," he said with a smile. Leo and he had played their fair share of jokes on one another since his arrival and he certainly wanted to see what his racing buddy had come up with this time if not only for the simple reason as to be sure to one up him with his own joke the next time.

"Jason, don't!" Tom stressed but there was no stopping his friend from unfolding the papers.

Quickly the expression on Jason's face changed and Tom watched as his eyes grew wide with disbelief and his face blanched. Jason's hands grew damp and his mouth went dry as he reread the sheets of paper. He was fixated on it all. It couldn't have been true. The report it had to be wrong. I just couldn't have been true. Deliberately Jason refolded the papers and slipped them into his front shirt pocket.

"Jason?" Tom questioned his friend whose face was suddenly expressionless. "Jase?"

"I gotta go," he said in an even tone as he began walking back towards the door.

"Wait, I'll go with you," he called grabbing for his jacket. "Jason!" he shouted but it was too late Jason was already out the door and by the time Tom made it to the parking lot all he could see was a cloud of dust trailing behind Jason's pick-up truck.

Jason stopped at the red light and pulled the papers from his pocket laying them on the seat beside him. There he sat reading the harsh words repeatedly trying to wrap his brain around them until the blaring sound of a car horn behind him forced him to look up and see the light had turned from red to green. The sudden movement of the truck lurching forward caused the stack of white papers to fall to the floor. Even though they were hidden from sight their words still blazed a trail through Jason's mind.

He turned off the two lane road onto the long dirt drive that led back to Jake Russell's garage. He lumbered along slowly not sure if he was just trying to avoid the many ruts the spring rains had caused to form in the road or if by slowing his pace he was trying to avoid coming to terms with what the words on those papers scattered on the cab floor really meant.

Jason brought the truck to a stop in front of the garage just as he had done numerous times before and rather than getting a sense of calm he had always found there he was filled with anxiety. He flipped through the keys on the ring in his hand and quickly found the one that would open the garage man door and then the one that would gain him entry to Jake's office. He flipped the light switch and the small room was bathed in bright light. The office smelled musty and Jake's old leather chair creaked under Jason's weight.

His breaths were steady and even – in out, in out as he flipped through the pages that were now marred by dirt smudges from the floor of Jason's truck. However those marks did little to change the meaning of the words found there. Tom had to be right Jason thought to himself. This had to be some horrible practical joke. There was no way what these papers implied could be in the least bit true. They just couldn't be.

There was only one way to find out. Hesitantly he went to the file cabinets and began opening each drawer until he came across what he was looking for. His hands shook as he pulled out the folder that contained the information surrounding his father's accident and death. Jason swallowed hard trying not to let himself relive it all over again but it was difficult not to do. Pushing those thoughts to the back of his head, he dropped the file on Jake's desk and sat down starring at the closed folder. Jason had to force himself to open it. Clipped to the front cover were several news articles detailing the crash that had ultimately claimed Erik Morgan's life. Jason's stare was held captive by the inset picture of his father in the middle of the article. He drew a ragged breath hit hard by intense feeling of just how much he missed his dad. Pushing his emotions aside Jason began flipping through the pages. Most of what was there didn't mean much to him. Those days, weeks even months after his father's death weren't much more than a blur to Jason now. Back then he had been so buried in his own pain and grief he had been more than happy let Jake handle everything. When Jason finally came upon the NASCAR reports regarding Erik's accident on the track that day he sat back in Jake's worn chair and read all the details carefully. It was a meticulous account of everything from the weather and track conditions that day to the in depth description of all aspects of the car after the crash. It was that part of the report that held Jason spellbound. Each word jumped off the page at him assaulting his senses. "No," he whispered softly clutching the report in his hands.