"I'll have you know, I don't like it." Disbelief radiates from my features. Julah, the barmaid, shoved passed me and Lorna with a huff. "I don't like the fact you are talking to the likes of'er grandmother."
"Why is that my dear?" Lorna is gentle in her tone as she receives payment from another satisfied customer; she only turns to face Julah when the young lass juts her index finger in front of my face.
"I don't trust this new comer." The black beauty responded. "Flirts with all the men in a bad way if you know what I mean." I raise an eyebrow at the accusation. Indignation simmers in my stomach. I have never flirted a day in my life...I don't think... at least...I'm not an expert. I've never even had my first kiss.
"Did she get too close to Sir Gawain?" The question Lorna asks her granddaughter at last strikes the girl dumb. Anger flares in her hazel irises; they almost outshine the delicate gold chains brushing against her neck. Earrings were never my style back home, or even now in Camelot. I speak up.
"Julah, I assure you, I have no interest in the knight. Merlin and Gawain only kept me company because, you are right, I am new here, and they offered to speak to the king for employment on my behalf." I breathe in to savor the silence before sighing at the furrowed brows stoic before me. "That is all. There was nothing else." The girl's expression softens then she stares at the dirt floor of the tiny fabric tent; she avoids my gaze before she sinks down onto the padded stool behind a display table.
"Fine, I'll watch the tent for you grandmother. Come back safe." Julah glares in my direction, and Lorna leads me in the direction to where their home is. I take the small journey as an opportunity to smell the local breads and watch the children once again. When we get there, the wooden door makes a clunk against the wall. Lorna wastes no time before seating me down and flitting about the kitchen. The room resembles Gaius's chambers. Herbs hang in all the corners and books occupy any space existent. I can get used to it. I have not read many books, but enjoyed the ones I did read back home.
"You served my family?" The curiosity crackles deep in my bones. I cannot waste another second stalling this conversation. Lorna's duty of slicing a fresh loaf halts; her gray head bows down.
"Yes, I did child." She begins. "I served the royal family for more than twenty-five years. I was a nanny to Snow White, and even you...I was a cook, a scullery maid, a lady's maid, or anything one could imagine within those walls and in all stages of life."
My lips curl upward in the heat of the thought; I don't remember this ancient one, but I know I like her. I trust her a bit more than I did minutes ago, but I still have my doubts...I always do. Fears seem to be my world so far.
"...but my mother?" I finish for her. The ancient one nods before continuing her story.
"She saw me as a threat to her daughter's future. I recall she had great plans for you; she believed you needed to be prepared to be the queen she felt you were destined to be; her quest for revenge changed everything, and she banished me from the Enchanted forest." Lorna sets a plate of bread and cheese onto the table and gestures for me to eat.
"Thank you." I focus once again on the conversation. Sadness pierces my heart to think my mother had everything planned out for my life. I still fear that may be more true even now than I realized before. "Lorna, I don't remember you. How old was I when you left?"
"Oh, about eight years-old I suppose." She chuckles. "I have changed quite a bit since then, more wrinkles and the like. I recall your bouncy curls and wild feet exploring all the turrets of the castle. We went to gaze at the stars together often. You always asked me 'Lorna, is the sky where diamonds come from?', and I could not stop the love I felt as the moon lit your face and the crested flags fluttered in the midnight air. You overflowed with wonder. It broke my heart to leave."
And now all I do is live in trepidation, I think to myself. "I want to remember." My voice cracks and silver lines my eyes. The memory sounds too beautiful to be real. I am on the run, my mother has found me, Merlin is this Emrys, a dragon wants me to leave Camelot, I need a job, my people probably feel I have abandoned them, my mother has something planned, and I feel it is on my shoulders to bear it all and to bear it well. There is no room for wonder. The cheese I pop into my mouth washes away all my worries for a moment. The flavor is exquisite.
"Lorna, this is delicious."
"Thank you, child." She calms my nerves by taking one of my stray curls and brushing it behind my left ear. "Princess Tia, you are welcome in my home any hour of the day. I am not rich, but I will still serve you with sincerity." Lorna's tone is solemn.
We spend hours talking with each other, and they are some of the best hours of my life. They feel restful, peaceful, and serene. Lorna tells me of her time in the castle. Julah will probably wonder where her grandmother is, but at this point I don't really care; she gets to have Lorna all the time, and Julah was more than rude to me. A knock at the door disrupts the delightful conversation we were having. Lorna wobbles to answer it and a familiar voice trails inside.
"Gaius?" An abrupt upward movement makes me dizzy but I ignore it. Concern written on my face, I walk towards him. "Is everything alright?"
"Quite." He reassures. "Although, I sent you with that tincture more than half a day ago. I have dinner waiting if you are hungry, but I see you may have already eaten." My hands cover my mouth.
"I must have lost track of time. I apologize if I caused you to worry for me." Lorna glances at me with care and I release a smile. I then notice the empty plate on the table. "I actually have had no dinner. We were enjoying each other's company far too much."
"You both are welcome to stay and I can have something ready for all of us. Julah should be done at the stalls by now." Lorna says. I shake my head to offer an escape for Gaius.
"No, thank you. Gaius already has something prepared for me and you must be tired from all the conversation. Rest tonight; we will see one another again." Lorna's eyes twinkle and the old physician and I make our way slow back to the castle. We walk in silence the entire time and a nerve in my gut tells me that Gaius had been more than a little worried before. Gaius groans towards the kettle over the fire when we enter his chambers. I curl a strand of hair behind my ear and stare at the awkward floor. The next thing I know, a wooden bowl of savory soup makes sloshing noises onto the rugged table.
"I hope you like rabbit."
"I love it. Thank you." Gracefulness is not my best quality even if I am a princess by birth. Sitting down looks like a drunk gazelle for me as I keep my gaze on the mentor before me; he sighs and lifts a spoonful to his lips. I notice the exhaustion in his countenance. I suddenly wish to trust him with everything. Every burden. Every dream. Every paralyzing fear. Gaius's motions hitch and he frowns at me and my focus while my food remains untouched.
"Is something the matter?" He asks. I bask in the glow and warmth of the fire. I can sense the embers on the side of my neck.
"Yes." I raise an eyebrow. "I can see it in your eyes great physician; you feared for me today." A deep sigh escapes his mouth before his bony hand touches mine in front of us.
"I was afraid you went to follow Merlin. I know you wanted to." I blink at his confession.
"Oh." I don't deny him the truth. It was what I desired to do, but I would never have left. The idea remains impractical for me to execute. Lorna may have never told me of my home and stories I Long have forgotten. I may not have met her. "I would only slow them down." I say. A chuckle warms my chest and I take back my own hand to begin eating. The first bite slid down my throat, resolving the long day of bliss.
"I was afraid you would get hurt, not that you would inhibit them." Gaius's reassurance blooms in my soul. I have never felt this useful or loved in my life. Today is a day of pure love. Mother only ever felt I was useful to aid in her selfishness. The remainder of the meal is quiet and my thoughts drift to Merlin. Is he thinking about me? My stomach churns. Why would my presence here disturb things so much? I recall my mother teaching me how to bond with a horse once. I was young and did not see the malice behind the gentleness she showed me, but the memory still remains sweet; it reveals a better time and place; it was the most honesty and tenderness I ever received from her.
"Brush the side of his neck with your palm." Mother whispered into my ear. "He likes you. Show the princely stallion that you are trustworthy." My flouncy gown made it difficult to walk as a five year-old, but the grin brought happiness to the Evil Queen. I wonder why I can remember this and not Lorna. My hand inched closer to the horse's ivory mane water falling in crystal beauty.
"Don't worry," I babbled, "I like you too." A squeal and a wince from me caused my mother twitch in surprise as the horse sneezed. Queen Regina laughed before lifting me up by the waist up onto the saddle. The edging had gold thread and elegant patterns of dreams yet to be dreamt. Regina's chocolate irises shed a tear and the light bled from them in an instant.
"I think we will wait till you are older before you ride." She forced a smile.
"Why mama?"
"Don't worry about it right now. You can sit there for a few minutes and then it is time to return to your room." Another mouthful of soup kisses my dry lips and grief brims in my eyes. Mama. There was a time that name held such promise of security.
"Tia." Gaius's voice steals me from my thoughts. "What's the matter?"
My voice turns tremulous. "Nothing." My feet carry me away from the table. "Thank you for the dinner Gaius; I'm going to bed now. I'm quite tired." I feel dizzy the entire walk to my room
Days bleed by. Merlin, the king, and the knights have not returned. Every day I fear for Merlin's life. I know he is powerful, I know he has magic, I know he is Emrys, I know I was angry at him, I know he sides with the dragon, but that does not remove the fact that I cannot imagine life without having met him. I need his wisdom-filled eyes looking into mine again. I decide to take opportunity to read some of Gaius's anatomy books as I wait for Merlin's safe return. They are delectable. The old man considers it to be a productive way to spend my time. A week goes by, and anxiety boils higher in my chest. My mother told me I have four weeks, and one is already wasted. What does she have planned? My mutterings are forgotten when the sound of clips and clops fill my ears. One glance out the window and I bolt from Gaius's chambers.
"They are back!" I yell to the old man before he can stop me.
The hundreds of twists and turns I have had some time to memorize cannot end soon enough as I race outside to greet them all with excitement. I see his worn features and his goofy smile. I run fast until I am only a couple feet away from him. I hope it isn't awkward. I hope he isn't upset with me because of what happened before they left.
"Welcome home Merlin." A confidence has blossomed in my heart this last week. Lorna has been a blessing of support for me and some days I am on top of the world. This is one of them. Leon clears his throat, breaking Merlin's gaze from mine; he appears sorrowful.
"Did something happen?" I scan the crowd of knights and see they are all staring at me. The king; he doesn't seem to recognize me, but joy fills my heart at the sight of the queen Gwenevere leaning into his embrace. I look back at Merlin. "I am relieved to see that the queen is brought back safe." Merlin nods solemnly.
"Sir Elyan, the queens brother, did not make it back I'm afraid." Leon speaks for the manservant. I attempt to swallow the peach pit in my throat. I know the loss of a knight in my kingdom, but I feel I was the only one who mourned them beside their families and my sister Snow White.
"I am sorry to hear it." My eyes cast down. "I did not know him, but that is a tragic loss to bear. A brother and friend is a priceless treasure that is not to be forgotten. "I look straight at Leon and the tears reflect gratefulness for my words. Merlin's frown softens at the sight of king Arthur and his wife coming up beside me.
"I regret that I have not had the pleasure of meeting you." The king's golden hair glistens with sweat and the whites of his eyes are red. An odd curtsey is all I manage in trousers. Lorna tells me my new dress is almost ready.
"My lord, I apologize for my indelicate behavior."
"Not at all. You did not know." He says. "Come to me in three days time and we will discuss your employment here. Merlin, Sir Gawain, and Sir Leon have made excellent reference to your character." Merlin spoke up for me even though the dragon told him...his expression reveals all in this moment. I want to sigh with giddiness, but I refrain and offer a bow of the head with appreciation.
"Thank you, sire." The queen touches my arm and then lifts her skirt hem to steady up the stairs with Arthur. The king did not recognize me. The king did not recognize me. The king did not recognize me. My mind echoes with joy at the notion, then it echoes with truths about the young warlock gathering all the horse's into the stables. He is home. He is handsome. He is forgiven. He is worth everything. I begin to move towards the stables, but Leon pulls me aside before I can.
"May I speak with you alone for a moment?" I glance at the stables once more before nodding in response to Leon's question.
"Of course." I lace my fingers together in front of me. Leon's curls bounce and some dirt on his face distracts me from Merlin for a moment.
"I know we barely know one another, but I must confess something." I swallow at the beginning of his statement; he couldn't possibly be interested in my company could he? I am both terrified and elated at the idea he holds affection for me. Leon pauses and studies me in fear.
"Please, you are always welcome say whatever is on your mind." I try to comfort him.
"Be honest with me." He continues. "Do I hold any chance at all if I were to ask you if I may escort you to the banquet the king will prepare in celebration of the queen's return? After Elyan's burial and mourning period, we all wish to express our joy of finding her safe." A minute passes by where I do not know what to answer. I am, in the eyes of everyone here, a lowly woman with no reason at all to attend the ball as a guest. I want it that way, but I also like Leon very much. I want to say yes, but my interest in Merlin grows second by second. I distract myself by watching Merlin yank on the second to last horse to lead her into a place of rest. What is he thinking? I may ask him what I should do just to see what he may be feeling.
"May I think about it and provide an answer directly after Elyan's ceremony?" I lift my chin. Leon unravels my fingers and bends to kiss my left hand. His lips are chapped.
"Of course." He breathes in heavier than before. "Take all the time you need."
When Leon leaves, I stroll into the stables. Merlin is brushing the king's stud and I hear the crunch of straw beneath my boots. The ebony hair of this servant sticks out in odd places and I chortle. A hard worker and sensitive being. I was wrong.
"I need to apologize to you Merlin." I state; he doesn't turn my way; his jaw only constrict. Merlin continues to brush the horse hair in front of him. "I was desperately wrong to storm off the way I did that night."
Merlin now faces me and I marvel at his magnificent ears. They are the perfect shape. I want to cry at his cold demeanor.
"Magic is not to be feared Tia." Merlin is wrong. Merlin is wrong. Merlin is wrong. I take in a sharp breath in attempt to calm myself. When the anger dissolves, my answer is simple. I avoid the confrontation. I lower myself down onto a bail of hay.
"I have no idea what my mother is planning Merlin, but it cannot be good." I admit to him everything. "She came here. She said I had four weeks to return to our kingdom or she would remove me by force. My mother is known as the Evil Queen for a reason; she has done so many unspeakable things." My eyes close tight as if to wipe away all the images I remember. I will not cry. I refuse. Merlin kneels before me, inches away. His orbs are the most vibrant blue I've ever known.
"Perhaps that is why Kilgarrah wanted you to leave; you mother is a threat on Arthur's life."
"I know." I hug myself. "I thought I was angry only because he a giant lizard telling me what to do-"
"A what?" Merlin laughed a genuine laugh. The first since seeing him home again. I laugh with him.
"You know what I mean." I continue after three long moments, "I thought I was angry, but I was really afraid that he was right about me. Camelot is the best choice I ever made, and I can't bare the thought of losing it forever."
"You won't." He is staring deep into my spirit with kindness. I think I might be falling in-. I will not finish that thought. It's too soon. It's too fast. It's impossible. "We are going to find a way to stop her before her plan is enacted." All thoughts of Leon flew away and were replaced by Merlin's gentle compassion. Out of instinct, I placed a quiet kiss on his cheek.
"Thank you." Merlin's eyes widened in surprise, but he did not move away; he kissed my forehead instead.