Chapter 12 - Endurance
Bella's POV:
It was hours later now…and I was sitting in a new little cage…my legs and feet dangling, slightly swinging as I looked down, seeing just a dim image of him down below…he was working on something, hammering a nail into a piece of wood, one clean strike and the whole nail would go right in. I loved watching him. Everything he did was so perfect. And I was the complete opposite. I was sure I was really failing miserably in my tasks here and he no doubt would deny me entrance into his nasty little club…a club I so wanted to be a member of, even though I hated clubs and being part of things with other people in them. But this was different. The more time I spent here with him, the more I wanted to be this.
When he first put me into this little cage, I was on the floor down there. It was circular, wrapped around me snugly as I worked to get into it at his request. My legs were parted, a leg through the bars that held them firmly. He had my hands cuffed and outside the back of the cage, behind me, outside the bars.
And my collar was around both my neck and the bars behind it, buckled tightly but not too much.
My hair was swept over to the left side, covering half my face.
He padlocked the door closed and took hold of a chain and began hoisting me up off the ground.
I panicked a little but he assured me I was alright. Heights were not my favorite.
"Trust.", he reminded me, his eyes staring into me as I said, "Yes Sir."
Another test. I would pass this one. Because I did trust him.
He smiled and kept slowly pulling the chain, effortless for him as I moved closer and closer to the tall ceiling. He secured the chain and asked if I was alright.
"Yes Sir.", I tried to breathe and forget how high up I was, trying to deal with it.
I was shaking like a leaf, my feet dangling under me, my wrists twisting a bit behind me near my spine. He was down below, eyeing me for a few seconds, then he began to clean up the area down there, ignoring me as I did my mother in labor breathing, trying to be brave.
"Sing to me.", he finally spoke, not even looking in my direction as he screwed something with a drill.
"What ", I asked, "Sir ?"
"Sing. To. Me.", he said slowly, still not paying attention to me.
Trembling, I found this a very scary thing. I never really sang in front of anyone before, except Disney songs with my Mom and singing along to music with Jasper and Maya. But alone, with someone listening just to me ? Crap. I loved to sing but what if he makes fun of me ? That would really burn.
"Now.", he stopped, turning his head half way to his side, waiting, his voice stern.
I felt like an ipod that he could not turn on. I understood that. Okay. If he wants his ears to bleed, then fine. He asked for it.
I closed my eyes and called on my Goddess, Amy Lee. Jasper once said I sounded like her and I had to admit my voice was most like hers, deep and haunting. I hoped I could do her justice. I cleared my throat and began, quietly…
"Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh, but God, I want to let it go."
I looked down and he kept working, not reacting at all. I swallowed, liking the way my voice sounded in here, good acoustics…and a little echo. Not wanting to incur his wrath again, I kept going.
"Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone.
Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show.
Never wanted it to be so cold.
Just didn't drink enough to say you love me."
He was still there, doing something I couldn't see, his back to me and far below. My voice became more confidant now, it was almost like I was alone. I tried to make it sound better, more like how Amy would sing it, more feeling in the words.
"I can't hold on to me,
Wonder what's wrong with me.
Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow."
I began to actually enjoy singing the words I loved so much…I closed my eyes and felt myself not so afraid up here …much.
"Don't want to let it lay me down this time.
Drown my will to fly.
Here in the darkness I know myself.
Can't break free until I let it go.
Let me go.
Darling, I forgive you... After all,
Anything is better than to be alone.
And in the end I guess I had to fall.
Always find my place among the ashes."
I finished the song and shivered inside, knowing his words would come next. I imagined many statements, all of them cruel and cutting.
He didn't react to me at all.
"Continue, Miss Swan.", was all he said, blankly.
Wow he didn't insult me. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well if he wants to hear some songs then he will. I felt less embarrassed now so I chose another great Evanescence song. My Immortal. The best !
"I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me"
I realized how much the words made me thought of him and I hoped he was listening to them. He does have all of me, right now, whether he wants me or not. I used to think of my mother, singing this to myself, but now some of the lines made more sense to me. He was there, in every word…in my veins…in my mind…and if my heart was a non working object before like I thought…I felt like something was making it begin to come to life. I didn't think or even want to dream that he loves me but…just this…is enough for me. I want this. I want him. And all the evil things he brings with him. I wanted to endure them all….and conquer them…to be his best girl. This was my new dream now.
Without pausing between songs, I did a slow version of another great Amy Lee one:
"How can you see into my eyes, like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb
Without a soul
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home
Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside , save me…
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run ,I can't wake up…
Before I come undone save me…
Save me from the nothing I've become
Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life
Wake me up inside I can't wake up
Wake me up inside , save me
Call my name and save me from the dark , wake me up
Bid my blood to run , I can't wake up
Before I come undone , save me
Save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to life
I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside
Bring me to life
Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead
All this time, I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
I've got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something wrong, bring me to life"
I looked again and he just listened, working away.
Are you making something for me, Sir ? I wanted to ask.
I sang again, singing right to him now:
"Under your spell again
I can't say no to you
Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand
I can't say no to you
Shouldn't have let you torture me so sweetly
Now I can't let go of this dream
I can't breathe but I feel
Good enough
I feel good enough
For you
Drink up sweet decadence
I can't say no to you
And I've completely lost myself and I don't mind
I can't say no to you
Shouldn't have let you conquer me completely
Now I can't let go of this dream
Can't believe that I feel
Good enough
I feel good enough
It's been such a long time coming
But I feel good
And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall
Pour real life down on me
'Cause I can't hold on
To anything this good enough
Am I good enough
For you to love me too?
So take care what you ask of me
'Cause I can't say no"
I thought I had sung that just like Amy…I was proud of my voice and when I looked down, he was quickly walking out of the room, into the hallway.
I felt a little pang of sorrow at that but I kept going, choosing another song.
Another hour went by as I hung there, now used to it, actually liking it up here as I sang
"Sweet dreams are made of these…
Who am I to disagree…
I travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused…"
He had come awhile ago, and got right back to whatever he was doing. He never said a word to me as I sang.
"Enough.", he finally said and I stopped singing. He finished up what he was doing and came over to where the chain was that held my cage up.
I gave a little whimper as he took firm hold of the chain and wrapped a loop around his arm, slowly and carefully lowering me down….down….down…
"Put your legs out straight, girl.", he instructed as I obeyed, getting close to the floor now.
"Good girl.", he said as the cage came gently to the floor.
"Thank you Sir.", I gave him a little smile.
Without a word, he came around behind me and I felt him unlocking my wrists.
"Hands out.", he said as I brought my hands in front of me, rubbing my wrists a little.
Then he unbuckled the collar and slid it off my neck.
"Come to me girl.", he said with a hint of affection, moving around and unlocking the padlock that held the cage door closed.
I bent a bit and scooted towards the opening, on my butt, holding the bars over my head to slide myself completely out of the cage.
"Kiss my feet.", he said with a pleasant tone.
I bent down and saw his feet were naked and so cute ! White, cold, perfect toes looking up at me.
I kissed the right foot and it was like ice. I wanted to warm it and I kissed first on the area above the toes…then I gave it a hot lick…then I licked along his toes dancing my tongue along the little lines between each one…I kissed the toes and then went to the other foot, repeating the process there. I wanted to tell him without words how much I adored him, and if this was a way to do it that was fine with me.
"Enough.", he said, stopping me, his tone still light for now.
"Kneel.", he snapped his fingers and I straightened up, on my knees, putting my hands behind my back.
"Back straight.", he yanked on my hair in back, showing me how he wanted me.
"Head up.", he tilted it up with a finger beneath my chin, "Eyes down."
"How is the little hellcat enjoying her Saturday so far ?", he asked.
"Very much, Sir.", I replied, "Thank you Sir."
"I've been a little easy on you so far.", he shared, "But we have some bills to pay. I would like to test your pain tolerance."
"Yes Sir.", I internally gulped.
"Now don't panic.", he said softly, "That doesn't mean I'm going to beat you. I will begin slowly…I know you're a novice. As we go, it will gradually become more and more intense. Slowly. The goal here is not to act all big and bad, like it doesn't hurt. What you need to focus on is how you react. And that you stay respectful to me always. Even if you become angry, which you will be. I want you to let me know on a scale of 1 to 10 how much it hurts so I can do my job correctly. Do you understand all that, Swan ?"
"Yes Sir.", I kept my eyes down, afraid.
"You may cry if it helps.", he allowed, "Even scream, until I tell you to stop. But no begging. No threats. That tells me that you don't care about my pleasure. And that's why you're here. Only. Is that clear ?"
"Yes Sir."
"In some circles there would be a safeword.", he informed, "And you could say it and make me stop. But those are consensual relationships. I don't do safewords. I will stop when I am ready. And you will trust me to make that decision."
"I do, Sir.", I said, meaning it.
"And if you're still conscious afterwards, you may have your dinner.", he promised.
I winced to myself.
"That was a joke, Swan.", he said flatly.
"Oh…", I felt relieved that he tried to joke with me.
"Good one.", I complimented, "I love Dom humor. Sir."
"Oh, Miss Swan…", he moved a hand over my hair, "You're just begging for my cane."
An eternity later, I was screaming like a wild woman. I never knew such sounds would ever come out of me. He really HAD taken it slow with me…going softly with a soft little riding crop. Stroking my ass in the spot where he'd just stung it. His fingers so cold and marvelous on my hot skin. We had gone from that to the flogger I remembered him using when I ate that candy bar…and graduated from that to a single tail whip, which was FUCKING TERRIBLE, a light lash felt like a blade had cut into me.
His shirt was off now, he only wore the tight black jeans, his feet bare.
Now we were playing with one of his favorite canes. It was a thin long black stick. I thought at first it looked like a really long wand from Harry Potter. He didn't like my opinion of that. He had said, "Wait until you see the spell this will cast on you, Swan."
I didn't know it would hurt so bad. But even at the beginning, a light snap over my ass with it touched me deep into my core. It wasn't just stinging the flesh, it felt like the pain stabbed down deep into my muscles inside….and the pain on my body came over me in a wave after that, it was simply excruciating.
He had graduated to hitting me with the cane at a medium level now.
"RRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUU !', I howled, not caring if I made any sense as it cracked in a line right across my lower ass this time.
I was hanging in my ropes, my ass right in front of him. It was quite something to behold, watching him tie me up in all these ropes. It took a long time and he was so deeply into doing every knot, making it perfect, making it safe for me. I had been laying on my side as he worked on me. He bound my arms behind me, as if my arms were crossed but behind me, my elbows bound together along with my wrists and upper arms. My breasts were also tied up, making them tight together then thin ropes around each one, making them a deep shade of purple. Then my neck was tied, pulling my head back a bit, secured to a thin rope that went around the lips of my clit, and if I pulled my head my clit would suffer being pinched. Then I had one leg pointed straight up, the other leg bent at the knee and bound together. My crotch was wide open and completely vulnerable, as was the rest of me.
Then he hoisted me up and I was securely hanging there, like a piñata, waiting for my contents to come pouring out of me with his every strike.
My wet hair, sweaty and stinky, hung over my face the way he liked it and I couldn't see him at all as he spun me slowly around, my sounds not bothering him in the least.
"Pain?", he checked in now and then to see my pain number.
350 ?!
"Nine.", I wriggled, my body objecting even though my mind wanted us to behave.
"NINE !", I screamed, "Sir !"
He stroked the cane along my breasts as I gasped, "Ohhh pleasssseee Sirrrrr"
"Please what ?", he sounded annoyed.
He had not just caned and whipped my ass but my entire body. My breasts were so sensitive tied up tight like this…that even a flick of his fingers killed me.
My face was wet with tears, my dignity gone long ago. But I was still being as good as I could be.
I sobbed, not wanting to beg again. I had done that a lot.
"Refrain from doing what your body is telling you.", he said darkly, "Listen to your mind."
The ropes creaked a bit as he let me slowly spin around in a circle before him…then he stopped me, holding my ankle.
"Do you want to wear my mark ?", he asked me.
"Yes Sir.", I cried.
"Do you want to please me ?", he asked.
"Yes Sir.", I panted, my toes arching a bit.
"Then you're just going to have to endure it, aren't you, slave ?", he asked.
"Yes Sir.", I agreed, hating it but knowing this is what I wanted.
"You have to be stronger.", he stated, "I told you this before. This is why I want you on the special diet, this is why you will start training with weights…this is why you have to endure it…so you can go further…and get past it. Believe it or not, this pain is important. It's the weakness leaving your body. It's hard but…it's necessary. You understand ?"
"Yes Sir.", I clenched my eyes, shaking my head a bit.
"If I accept you,", he played with a lock of my hair, "I WILL make you strong enough to endure this better. That is my promise to you as your Master. You will grow from little girl to woman…a strong woman. A smart woman. The kind of woman I want. Is that clear ?"
"Yes Sir, thank you Sir.", I panted between words.
"Let's continue.", he said coldly, taking a firm blow against my left breast.
"UUUGGGHHHHHHHHHHH !", I screamed like I was possessed, feeling like my breast just split open and was spilling all over the floor. I looked and saw my breast was intact just dark purple with an angry rash of red across it where the cane struck. My legs jerked and struggled harder now…not causing him any distress at all. He seemed to like my struggling and jerking.
I was growling and grunting as he moved casually to my stomach. His fingers curled in and he scraped his fingernails along the flesh, making four thin white lines in my skin as I howled loudly, not caring what I sounded like anymore.
I had never been in this much pain in my life but on the other side of that I felt more badass, that I was still here and although not taking it quietly, I was still taking it.
I had really begged like a dog earlier…in the beginning when the pain began to increase to a place that I never had before. He didn't like it at all and he asked me if I wanted to be weak forever. He always knew just what to say to motivate me. Most of all he looked disgusted with me as I pleaded and I hated to see him look at me that way.
Now I just screamed and cried, and he let me do that.
Later on, though, after he caned the bottoms of my feet, I really WAS out of my mind.
"YOU FUCKING BITCH, LET GO OF ME !", I snarled like Satan himself, my voice lowering.
He smiled. A deadly smile.
"And there she is.", he said, as if glad I was doing this. Like this was the goal all the time. He should've told me I would've been happy to scream curses at him.
I was screeching and struggling everywhere as much as I could, my breathing like that of a wounded tiger.
"LET ME GO !", I roared, my eyes glaring at him as I thrashed around.
"Get past it….", he calmly spoke as he grabbed my hair, looking into my eyes.
"NOOOO !", I screamed against my will, "GET OFF ME ! FUCKING ASSHOLE !"
"Get past it.", he repeated, his jaw clenching, trying to keep calm while I was having my tantrum.
"This is completely normal, Swan.", he shared as I groaned and screamed with all my might.
"Your body is reacting….", he held onto a string of the rope at my side, keeping me from moving.
"This is the little bitch I wanted to talk to.", he looked into my eyes, my hair pulled tight in his hand.
"Are you cursing at me, bitch ?", he was nose to nose with me, "Are you calling ME a bitch and an asshole ?"
It was fucking terrifying looking into his really pissed off eyes. For a second he looked…deranged.
I just growled hard, trying to quiet my disrespectful side that was clearly in charge now.
"IF YOU TOUCH ME AGAIN, I SWEAR TO FUCK I'LL-", I was about to threaten him.
"What ?!", he squinted, both hands in my hair now, facing me, "What will YOU DO ?!"
I just glared at him and growled in each breath.
"Yea that's what I thought.", he scowled, "You're in no position right now to do ANYTHING but bleed !
Like meat hanging in a freezer ! I think I've been easy on you for long enough."
"NO !", I cried out angrily as he took the cane and laid it against my vagina, not striking yet.
"NONO NONO!", I kicked and struggled some more, in vain, "DON'T !"
"Get past it I said.", he warned, "Get yourself right in the head. Compose yourself."
I slowly yanked my bratty self away…it took a few minutes…but I had managed to shut myself up.
"This is another thing we are going to work on.", he informed, "If I accept you."
Once I had a little time to recover, the cursing bitch was gone and I found myself bawling.
"I'm sorry Sir.", I wept, "Please don't be mad at me. I'm sorry I said those things…"
I sobbed out loud and he let his hand smooth up and down over my pussy lips, a cold but gentle touch.
"I know, girl.", he said softly, "I know…it's alright. You did it. You did very well."
I don't know what I did except go nuts there but I was so glad he was being sweet to me that I cried some more. He let me do it, not saying or doing anything except moving his hand over my aching clit.
"How about a little reward, girl ?", he whispered in my ear, slowly turning me so my crotch was right in front of his nose.
"Yes Sir, if it pleases you, Sir.", I said like a mouse.
His tongue came out like a serpent's and gave me a nice little lick up the entire clit. It was thick and wet and ice but at the same time so hot.
I almost came right there. I moaned like a whore, wanting more, willing to die for it if necessary.
"Mmm", he gave that little sound of pleasure as he closed his mouth over my clit, sucking and licking very, very slowly. He was driving me crazy.
"Do you like my tongue, slut ?", he asked with a very aroused voice, grabbing the rope that held my clit and pulling it a bit, pinching it inside.
"UGGHHHH", I moaned out again, "YES SIR, I LOVE IT, SIR !"
He licked again, taking his sweet time, tormenting me again in a new way, making a little moan into my clit as he licked me, making a little vibration there as I screamed out again, horny and helpless.
"Please Sir, please fuck me….fuck me…", I heard myself begging in a whisper.
"No.", he bit down softly on my clitoris, warning me not to beg anymore.
"Unlike you Miss Swan", he sucked and licked, "I don't take what's not mine."
"I AM YOURS, PLEASE SIR !", I felt my body weakening.
"No no…", he put two fingers on my clit, making them move very fast so much that it felt like a vibrator was there, "You're not mine yet. I shouldn't even be doing THIS but…I just can't help myself. You're so adorable hanging here like this…begging like a little bitch in heat."
"Please…don't stop…please !", I was writhing and arching, almost crying in desperation as he moved his fingers over two red lines along my inner thigh.
"Bark for me.", he suggested.
"RUFF RUFF RUFF !", I did it, feeling like a complete moron.
He gave a little laugh. "That sounds like a happy little pup…glad to see that Master is home."
I hung there, just knowing one thing…his fingers…I even forgot my own name for a minute.
I really was an animal then…a mute animal just moaning and full of need.
"You ever used a vibrator before, Swan?", he asked, pushing me and letting me spin a little quickly.
"A little one…Sir.", I admitted.
"Oh really ?", he asked, "A little one…you are just full of surprises, aren't you, you little slut?"
"Yes Sir."
"Was yours as little as this ?", he asked, showing me a baton looking type thing, a big round bulb at the end of it. It was black and gold.
"No Sir.", I answered.
"Now THIS…is a wand. And not Harry Potter's either. Once you feel this you'll never go back to a little one ever again.", he sounded glad to introduce me to this.
"Open.", he slapped his hand against my inner thigh, and I heard a loud buzzing sound.
Then I felt it.
HOLY. FUCK.
It was warm to the touch and the vibrations were fucking out of this world ! He was right ! The little bullet thing I used to play with was nothing compared to this thing. I was already howling and jerking with utmost pleasure as he pressed it firmly to my clit at the top.
"Do you like the pressure here ?", he read my mind, putting it hard against the bone right above my clit.
I SCREAMED like a banshee and I felt tears come to my eyes….was I about to have my very first orgasm ? Like, a real one, caused by another ? And caused by HIM ?! It was a dream coming true.
"Wait !", he ordered, "WAIT!"
The wand was still on me as he stopped me…or tried to.
"Do not come, young lady.", he said sternly.
I made a very sad sound, almost like a dog crying.
"Hold it.", he demanded as I whimpered, my legs spasming on their own.
"Swan." His voice was evil, "Hold it. If you come without my permission that little caning will seem like a Sunday in the park."
"You need a lot of training in control.", he said as I struggled to hold off my very anxious orgasm.
"I'm sorry Sir.", I squeaked, clenching my eyes.
"It's the sweetest torture, isn't it ?", he grabbed a rope and licked my pussy while the vibrator was buzzing away.
I howled and bucked but he held me still. Hot and cold together, both trying to dominate me at once.
"FUCK PLEASE PLEASE SIR !", I wept, my will quickly crumbling.
"Come, bitch…", he allowed me, "And let me hear it."
And I did.
The gate was wide open now and I screamed out loud, my body on fire and me loving it. I wanted to be consumed…I wanted to be his ashes. It DID feel much like dying…every cell of my body was his…and at his mercy, wanting more.
Very slowly, I floated above myself almost…like I was in space or underwater…everything was fuzzy and far away…it was better than coke, better than getting drunk…better than cutting myself. Better than the dream of death. Better than anything I ever knew.
I hung there, enjoying my high…quietly…crying softly…my body still giving the occasional twinge and quirk as he stood there, moving his fingers and palms over every lash, every strike that made a mark or bruise in my flesh. It's like he was erasing them with his love. Even if he didn't love me, I could feel it.
It was good enough for me.
"I love you, Sir.", I said lazily, my inhibitions all gone. I was truly drunk and high with him coursing through my veins, "I love you…"
Did I just mess up, saying that ? Would he not like that ?
He placed a single kiss above my breasts in response. Against my heart ? Or was he just kissing my breasts ? I was too doped up now to give a fuck.
I don't need to hear him say it in return. That was a lovely answer.
END OF Chapter 12