This is in no ways meant to be taken seriously. It is entirely a joke. Thanks to everyone on the discord for this fabulous idea.
There was an air of adventure in the air today. Like as if it were time for an adventure.
"It's time for an adventure!" Explorerkit hollered. The tiny tortoiseshell she-cat did a somersault followed by two back flips, landing on all four feet, and the small crowd of onlookers applauded enthusiastically.
"Thank you, thank you." She squeaked, bowing humbly. Explorerkit was very humbled by the support. She'd never think she'd see the day: when everyone got so excited for her adventurous adventures. But here it was, on this beautiful, partly cloudy day, that she finally got the attention she deserved for her endeavors.
Waving her tail goodbye, she ventured into the forest, seeking the only place left in the entire world that was left to explore: The Creepy Spooky Cave Place. It was a cave. It was big, dark, foreboding, and uncharted territory. But not for long! With her trusty sycamore leaves and charred sticks, she'd draw a map of the cave, so everyone could enjoy its creepiness.
Of course, there were a few obstacles on the way to the Place. And she was just about to run into the first one now.
"Halt Explorerkit!" Boomed a deep brassy voice that sounded deep. "Before you! Pass! You must! Solve my-"
"Riddle?" Explorerkit asked. "Easy peasy." She solved riddles on practically every single adventure. It was almost boring by now.
"No!" Growled the disembodied voice. "You must! Solve my…" The voice seemed to be thinking. "Question."
Explorerkit rolled her eyes. "You don't solve questions, silly. You answer them. Duh."
The disembodied voice scoffed. "Ugh, you're such a know it all, you know."
"I know." Explorerkit responded. "And the question…?"
"Oh! Right!" The voice remembered. "How many! Eyes! Do I! Have?"
"Eyes?" Explorerkit asked in confusion. She was so confused. "How can I answer that if I can't even see them?" She said to herself.
"Ha!" The voice laughed. "You will! Never solve! My question!" The voice laughed some more. "Ha! Ha! Ha!"
"Stop laughing I'm trying to think!" Explorerkit yelled. She was trying to think. If it knew she was there, it must be able to see her. Or sense her. Or smell her. But she couldn't see it. So if e=mc^2, and y=x^2 is the graph of a parabola…
"You have one eye!" Explorerkit screamed out, waving her paws. "Eureka!"
The disembodied voice let out a horrified gasp. "No!" It gasped. "How could you! Have guessed! The quantity! Of my eyeballs?"
"I'm just really smart." Explorerkit replied. "Now let me pass!"
"Fine. Fine." The voice said begrudgingly, lowering its volume as it became sad about losing. "You can pass."
"Thank you!" Explorerkit sang, and she skipped along to The Creepy Spooky Cave Place.
But what was this? A giant bird swooped down, and snatched Explorerkit up in its big ugly, sharp and ugly talons!
"Let me go, you ugly bird!" Explorerkit howled, pummeling the bird's talons with her paws.
"Nevah!" The bird squawked. "No one RSVPed to my performance tonight, so I'm kidnapping creatures to come watch. It'll truly be a 'captive audience!' Mwahahaha!"
Explorerkit groaned at the pun. But she was still interested. "Sounds interesting." Explorerkit remarked. "What's your performance for?"
"I'm a stand up comedian!" The bird replied.
"You must be hilarious!" Explorerkit complemented. "Which means that you're very funny."
"Thank you." The bird said, thanking Explorerkit. "No one has ever told me that before." Eyes shining, the bird started shaking with sobs. "I feel like a failure. What if no one is coming because I'm a terrible comedian? Like really terrible?"
"You're not terrible." Explorerkit comforted, patting the bird's leg comfortingly. She smiled. "You know what? I'll come see your : on one condition. If you drop me off at The Creepy Spooky Cave Place, and I make a map of it, I'll come to your performance."
Checking her watch, she checked her watch. It was four in the afternoon. "What time is your performance?"
"At eight." The bird responded. He wiped away a tear. "Thank you so much, dear little kitten! I'll drop you off there right now and pick you up a half an hour before the show, does that sound good?"
"Sounds good!" Explorerkit answered happily, and a little while later, the bird was setting her down on the rocky ledge made of stone jutting out from The Creepy Spooky Cave Place. It looked very dark.
She waved her tail goodbye to the bird, and swallowed nervously. She was so nervous. She was finally here! At The Creepy Spooky Cave Place! Finally.
Stepping into the murky darkness that threatened to swallow her whole in its blackness that was like a million moonless nights combined with a blender to make an almost tangible darkness that was like you could touch it no have difficulty slicing through it even with the thickest butter knife, Explorerkit looked around.
"I think I need a light." She meowed aloud, her voice bouncing off the walls in an echo. "How else am I going to make a map of The Creepy Spooky Cave Place?" She curled up on the ground. Usually, if she waited long enough, a solution came to her.
Suddenly, the cave started to light up with a light. A torchlight, to be exact, made of fire. A giant creature was holding the torch, standing upright on two legs.
"A-a Twoleg?" Explorerkit said aloud, wondering aloud.
"No." The creature sighed, crouching down beside Explorerkit. "I am a Sasquatch, a big-footed creature who has been hiding for moons- hiding from Twolegs."
Explorerkit started at the Sasquatch's feet in the firelight. "Your feet don't look that big to me."
"They're big enough." The Sasquatch responded. He sat down next to Explorerkit with a light thump, making a small thumping noise. "That's why I can't let you make a map of The Creepy Spooky Cave Place. It is my home. And I don't want anyone except brave, virtuous and good-hearted and courageous explorers like you to find me. I could use a little more social interaction, but if everyone knew where I was, I wouldn't be safe."
"And it would take all the fun out of it for all the other explorers!" Explorerkit realized, in realization. The Sasquatch nodded, then rubbed his hairy chin thoughtfully.
"However, I haven't gotten out in a while. Are there any events I could attend that would lack a large amount of people?"
The Explorerkit nodded, then rubbed her furry chin thoughtfully. "I think there might be." She answered.
"And that's what you get for giving them the bird!" The bird cried, at the punchline of its final joke. The crowd made lots of noise, mostly angry screeches and yowls and howls. All of the bird's captive audience did not want to be there at all, and were stuffed together in a deep dark pit. Since Explorerkit and the Sasquatch had come with free will, they got to sit under the ledge the bird was performing from.
Explorerkit cheered, while the Sasquatch clapped his big flat paws together to make a clapping noise.
After the reception, Explorerkit waved goodbye to her new friends, and headed home. She was sad that she didn't fulfill her original mission, but was grateful that she made new friends along the way.
After all, that's what's most important. Not the journey you take, but the friendships you make.