A/N: This first one shot was inspired by my dad's recent brain bleed and subsequent brain surgeries. Luckily, Roy gets off way easier!

Standard Disclaimers apply.

"That's it! Next time I come home covered in sewage, I'm quitting the military!"

Beside him, Riza rolled her eyes as she began to unlock her front door. "Stop being dramatic, this is only the second time this happened."

"Which is two times too many, if you ask me," Roy whined.

"Take all your clothes off as soon as you're inside so I can put them in the wash," Riza said once she had unlocked her apartment. "I don't need this mess getting all over the place."

"Why Lieutenant- if you wanted to seduce me, you could have just said so."

If looks could kill, Roy's life would have ended right there.

"Roy, I'm tired and I'm wet. I want a quick shower, fresh pajamas and then I'm going to sleep."

"Can I join you at least?" He asked hopefully.

"Of course, I'm not going to have you stand there dripping sewage all over my wood floors while I take a bath. But keep your hands to yourself. I meant it when I said I was exhausted."

The two jumped into Riza's shower and spent the first few minutes in silence as they worked to wash all the grime off of their bodies and out of their hair. They had spent their night chasing down a high profile bank thief with the team. Everything had been going smoothly until the thief was cornered and decided to reveal right then and there that he knew alchemy by blowing up the nearby sewage line. While no one had been injured, the smell alone was enough to cause nightmares for months to follow.

"It's a shame about Fuery's equipment," Riza said softly once she was satisfied all the dirt had been washed off of her.

"In any other situation, I would suggest salvaging it, but considering the circumstances I think we can find room in the budget to replace it," Roy answered.

"Oh, we will?" Riza teased as she began to run her fingers up and down his chest. "How generous of you, sir." She leaned in and placed a kiss on the pulse of his neck.

I'm too tired, my ass, thought Roy.

"I am, aren't I?" He teased. He wrapped his arms around her waist and began kissing her ear. "Just wait and see how generous I can really be."

Riza let out a small moan and Roy captured her lips to kiss her deeply. One hand wrapped itself firmly around her waist for support and the other slowly began to explore the smooth skin along her hip bone, her waist, her stomach and her inner thigh. Everywhere but where she wanted.

"Stop. Teasing." She panted between his kisses.

"As you wish," he smirked before diving his fingers in her. She let out a small squeak and Roy relished at the sound of Riza turning into putty in his hands. He began to increase his speed as he bit her neck.

"Roy- Just like that, yes," she moaned, leaning into his hands. Her face was flushed from the warmth of the water and their activities. She wrapped her arms tighter around his neck. "Faster...faster, please Roy! Faster!"

He continued to work his fingers deep into her. "Come for me, Riza," he ordered in her ear. "Look me in the eyes and come for me."

Riza opened her eyes and looked up to meet his own. Roy was looking down at her, his free hand on the wall for support. Roy growled against her lips as he listened to her moan uncontrollably. "I'm going to finish making you come and then I'm going to fuck you so hard you'll feel me every time you sit down for the next week."

Riza let out a low moan. She was so close. "More, please Roy. Just a little more. I'm so close-"

"AHHH!"

The last next thing Roy knew his vision went black.

/-/-/

**Ring! Ring!**

"Oh my god, who the fuck is calling you right now?" Rebecca groaned from her side of the bed.

"I don't know," Havoc replied as he headed into his living room to answer the phone. He picked up the receiver. "Jean Havoc speaking."

"I'm sorry to wake you up so late," the voice said on the line.

"Hawkeye? Is everything okay? You're still not at the scene, are you?"

"No," she sighed. "Although right now that seems preferable. I'm at the hospital with the Colonel."

"Why?" Jean was suddenly wide awake. "What happened?"

"He slipped in the shower and hit his head. He's been unconscious since. The doctor said there should be no long term side effects but he's been out cold for an hour."

"I get it. I'll head right over."

"You can bring Rebecca."

"What- how-"

"Oh please. Havoc you do know she tells me everything you've ever done, ever? Regardless, I'm exhausted. Mind bringing me a cup of coffee and something to eat while you're at it?"

"Yeah, I can do that," Havoc said, happy Riza changed the subject so quickly. "Want me to tell the others?"

"No, I can call them. It will give me something to do besides pacing up and down the waiting room."

"See you soon, Hawkeye."

By the time the team arrived, Roy was beginning to stir in his hospital bed.

"You alright, Chief?" Havoc asked as he walked into the room.

Roy sat up slowly before covering his eyes with his hands, feebly attempting to block out the glaring hospital lights. "Ow."

"Take it easy, Colonel," The nurse warned as she helped prop him up against some pillows and gave him a cup of water. "You hit your head quite hard against the tub."

"Feels like it," he grumbled.

"I'm going to go get the doctor now that he's awake," the nurse said, turning to Riza. "But he's already able to hold a conversation so that's good news." She left the room, leaving Roy to the mercy of his team.

"The sewage wasn't enough? You just had to go give yourself a concussion?"

"Shut up, Harpy."

"Oh, yeah, he's going to be fine," Breda said with a laugh.

"Sir, it may be best if you just lay back down until the doctor can properly assess you," Riza's voice was stern but filled with concern.

"Yeah, yeah," Roy said as he laid back down, wincing when his head hit his pillow.

The doctor walked in, took one look around the room and laughed. "Seems like we have the whole crew here."

"We do," Hawkeye muttered.

"I'm Doctor Hale, Colonel," he continued. "Mind if I do a few assessments?" He turned to the team. "Do you mind going to the waiting room? I need to evaluate the extent of the Colonel's concussion and it will be easier without an audience."

"Of course not, sir," Havoc said as the group stood up to leave the room.

From her chair Hawkeye crosses her arms. "If I can stay, I'd prefer to. I'm both the colonel's body guard and his emergency contact."

"Of course, Lieutenant," Dr. Hale said with a soft smile. "Now, Colonel, can you please follow my finger with just your eyes?"

Twenty minutes later, Hawkeye entered the waiting room to find the team half asleep in their chairs.

"So how is he?" Fuery asked.

"He's alright. He has a moderate concussion and it's recommended he take the next week easy. He may have more trouble than normal focusing-" she rolled her eyes- "so I have that to look forward to. His black eye is coming in nicely as well. Considering he was fully unconscious for over an hour, he's getting off pretty lucky."

"That's great to hear," Rebecca said. "Now that we know he isn't going to suffer irreversible brain damage, can we go home and sleep?"

"Of course, I can take him home from here."

"Oh I'm sure you can, Hawkeye."

Riza's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Pardon?"

"One small question."

"Out with it, Havoc."

"Care to explain how the Colonel called for help if he was unconscious in the shower the entire time?"

Fuck.

Before Riza was able to think of a response, Breda smiled and gave her a small wink.

"Only joking, Hawkeye. Didn't you hear Elizabeth is in town?"