Chapter 18 – Don't Have a Cow

Edward's POV:

So I had decided that it was time to tell Miss Swan what I am. This presented a small challenge. Most of the girls here found out quickly what I was, because I showed them my eyes, I didn't hide my strength as I reined Hell down upon them…so they figured it out. I really didn't say the words out loud, they just figured it out. Some of the girls thought I was a demon, and that wasn't far off the mark.

Telling Miss Swan didn't worry me in that she would run away and not want to see me anymore. Oh no. She IS going to see me whenever I want to see her, whether she likes it or not. She has no choice in that. But it will change the way she acts around me, that I know. While it was fine with me that my girls were in fear of me, as it served my purposes to keep them in line, somehow I didn't want that with Miss Swan.

She's a little bratty and when pushed to the edge, she is downright feisty and combative. I like that. I WANT to see her fight me…fight her inhibitions…fight her own desire…and I will conquer her, weaken her and bring her to her knees to submit to me. That is the whole essence of the Dom/Sub relationship. Some girls immediately gave in to me and just laid there, enduring it, taking it silently. Boring. If I wanted a doormat I'd make a run to Walmart.

One can only hear "Yes Mr. Cullen.", so many times before it gets boring. Miss Swan was nothing new in her brattiness but it was a rare thing for me. Every girl is different in their own way, no girl comes the same, no girl enjoys the exact same things…not every girl is amazing, not every girl is spoiled.

I only knew one thing. I don't want the Swan girl to be afraid of me. I mean, afraid of the punishments, afraid of displeasing me, yes. But to fear that I would kill her if she didn't obey me to the letter…that's what I have with most of my girls here. And yes, she should absolutely be afraid that I might lose control and kill her from the song her blood keeps singing to me…but I don't want her to think I would kill her simply because she's being herself. I don't want a robot. I want her to be who she is but better as I train her.

I realize that most of my girls, yes, I want a robot. Some of them I enjoyed their fire and spoiled little girl attitudes…I felt like Miss Swan could be one of them if I didn't fill her up with terror at my mere presence. But she's afraid of the volleyball. What would she think of ME ?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Miss Swan seemed to love the lore of darkness and vampires and death…Hell she even reads- and writes - vampire stories. It wouldn't be that wild of a stretch to believe that maybe she'd be at ease once she accepted and saw that I hadn't changed.

I will not sugarcoat this, as I wouldn't sugarcoat anything I would be teaching her, whether volleyball or the proper way to kneel or speak.

Brutal truth. That was my way with all my girls and it could not be otherwise for one of them. Whatever her reaction is, I will deal with it accordingly.

So that's why I'm standing here now with Miss Swan in front of me, in the woods, where I feel most comfortable, and where she wouldn't feel trapped or bound in any way when I reveal myself. I had done it that way with others in the past and it always ended badly. Fainting…screaming…begging…I hated the noise of it unless I was on the other end of them getting my needs met at the same time.

She stood there, dressed in her uniform. It was twilight, the sun just starting to descend low in the sky, an orange haze over every tree and rock around us. She looked worried and nervous, biting her damn lip as I tried not to breathe during this encounter. I didn't want the smell of her blood to cloud anything I was about to say.

"Alright, Miss Swan.", I began in my usual gym teacher voice, "I'm not going to beat around the bush, I'm going to give you the respect of telling you what I have to say straight out. And you will listen and act maturely in response, is that clear ?"

"Yes Sir.", she looked at me anxiously, as if she thought I was about to break up with her or something. Silly girl. She wouldn't be rid of me if she STABBED me.

"What's wrong ?", I asked, "Why are you making that face ?"

Her expression changed a bit…."I'm not."

Now she was trying to act indifferent, as if she was fine.

"I am a vampire.", I stated, my arms crossed, as if I were bored to say this out loud.

Nothing.

I raised a brow and looked at her. No heartbeat change, no breathing change….no expression.

"Did you hear me, Swan ?", I half frowned.

"Yes.", she finally said, looking confused.

I hated that I couldn't hear inside her brain right now.

"What ?", I verbally pushed, wanting her reaction.

"Are you joking ?", she asked, almost afraid to ask.

"No, I'm not.", I stated clearly, giving her my very serious face.

"This is not a role play thing, is it ?", she asked, wondering what the punch line was here. She was still calm, because she did not believe me yet.

"No, Swan.", I stood my ground, not moving, "I wouldn't play a stupid game like this."

She looked at me closer now…her eyes moving over every inch of me…scanning…looking for clues.

"I can show you if you like.", I offered, my face not softening.

"How ?", she asked with reverence.

"I can show you my eyes.", I informed. Everyone needs proof. I had the ability to show my vampire eyes whenever I wanted…or they could be black.

"Or your fangs ?", she asked, still stunned.

"I don't have fangs.", I almost smiled, "I'm not a snake, I'm a vampire."

So many wrong things out there about us. Sad.

"Oh.", she looked a tad disappointed, "What happens to your eyes ?"

"They turn red.", I answered, still confused by her.

"That's all ?", she asked.

"That's all.", I repeated.

"Okay.", she said, waiting.

I motioned her closer to me with my finger, to see if she would come willingly.

She did…slowly.

She came very close to me, closer than most after getting this information.

"Okay.", she said, as if allowing me to go ahead.

I looked down into her eyes and let my eyes turn red before her. It took a fraction of a second and I waited for her to bolt backwards away from me.

One girl saw my eyes for the first time and whipped out her cross necklace, holding it up to me as if it would burn me. I laughed so hard that day. God. The cruelest fake story of all.

But now, Miss Swan…she gasped. In awe.

"Woah.", she came CLOSER and stared up into my crimson pupils and even touched me, putting her hands on my arms as she stared, mesmerized. I was not compelling her, I couldn't. This was not because of any power of mine.

"What are you doing ?", I asked her blankly.

"I'm looking !", she explained, "Wow…how cool ! Do you know there's neat little symbols and gold marks in there ?"

"Can I draw some of them and maybe look them up later ?", she asked, her fingers about to touch my lower eyelid, to pull it down so she could see better. I flinched away from her hand and she looked up at me apologetically.

"You may not.", I frowned down at her, adding, "Step back."

"Wait…oh my God they're so beautiful…", she kept staring, now nose to nose with me.

"317!", I barked, "Step back !"

That broke her gaze on my eyes and she did step back, looking confused at my shout at her.

"Sorry.", she shook her head a second, "I couldn't look away."

That's strange. My eyes never did that to a human before, unless I was compelling them at the same time. Mostly I didn't like girls to look at my eyes and I scolded them if they did. And they never wanted to look at my vampire eyes that was for sure.

"I'm telling you this because if you're going to belong to me, you should know.", I kept my tone flat, "So now I need to know. What are you thinking ?"

She hesitated for a moment, gathering her thoughts.

"If you want to change your mind about belonging to me, you need to tell me now.", I offered that, only to see what she would say. She was already mine and would never be free again. But I wanted to hear her answer anyway.

She turned around and had her back to me. Her body hunched forward a bit and she had a hand over her mouth…her breathing beginning to quicken…it sounded like she was softly crying. Here it is. Where things change between us. I knew it.

But I waited.

"Oh my God.", she wept quietly, "I knew it."

She knew it ?

"What, Swan ?", I asked, my defenses still up and waiting for the fallout.

She turned back to me and there were tears wet in her eyes.

"I knew they were real.", she looked at me as if I were a god now instead of a mere mortal.

"I could just feel it.", she explained, "Everyone told me vampires aren't real…they were a fantasy. But something in me always knew…and for the last couple years…I had almost believed that…they weren't…and it was breaking my heart. To believe that there was no magic in this world…but there IS."

"Magic ?", I spat the word, "David Copperfield does magic. This is not magic."

"It IS!", she argued, "Because you're standing here…talking to me…when you should be dead. You don't know what that means to me. And YES I still want to belong to you ! You can't get rid of me that easy."

Part of me now understood a bit. Her mother is dead. And maybe this brings some comfort thinking that the dead could actually still live somewhere else, going on somehow.

"How did you die ?", she asked, fascinated, her eyes wide.

"Uhh", I began to tell her that was none of her business but she went on.

"Were you murdered ?", she came closer, trying to guess, "Or did you get sick ? Was it an accident ?"

"Miss Swan…", I began again but was again cut off.

"How OLD are you ?", she kept interviewing me.

This is not how I thought this would go. She's supposed to be running away in terror not quizzing me.

"Wow.", she kept touching me, "This is why you're so cold all the time, isn't it ?"

"Swan.", I stepped back from her this time, "This is getting annoying."

"And this is why you're so good at volleyball and stuff too !", she further guessed.

This pissed me off for some reason.

"No.", I argued, "I'm good at volleyball and stuff because I practice and know the rules. Being undead has nothing to do with it."

"Hey wait." She stopped and looked at me, with a new look in her eyes.

"What ?", I asked.

"You saved me…", she said as if remembering it now, "I fell or jumped…and I remember falling. You flew to save me ?"

"Jumped.", I corrected, my guard still up, "I don't fly - that's Superman. Also fiction."

"Why ?", she wondered out loud, her eyes sad.

"Why did I save you ?", I asked as she nodded.

"Because you're mine.", I simply stated…and that was the pure truth.

"Why …", she asked, "do you want ME ? I mean…I'm…human…nothing."

That pissed me off too.

"You are NOT nothing, Swan.", I declared loudly so she would hear me, "You've been told that all your life and you've let yourself believe it. But Miss Swan…you are SOMETHING. Something unique. Mortal eyes may fail to see you but my eyes do. It's time you started to see it too. You're no longer nothing…you belong to me. You belong. "

She looked very touched by my words and let out a hard breath, then she smiled and looked at me again.

"I have so many questions.", she gazed at me like I was an angel fallen to earth instead of the undead mistake my existence was.

"I will answer them.", I responded, "Well…most of them, if I can."

Her eyes looked so pleased, so surprised as if she just found out that Santa Claus was real. See ? Unique. I began to slowly put my walls down…realizing that no fear or anger was coming. All I could see was fascination. No fear at all. This was strange.

But there was more she needed to know. I would not play Vampire Lestat with her.

"Swan, you realize that I exist on blood…", I told her, "Human blood."

No deer blood will be spilt in this little book.

She nodded and looked more intent.

"I know.", she said.

"And you also know that that is what courses through YOUR very veins, right ?", I hoped it would dawn on her the danger she was in.

"I know.", she said, not moving.

After a silent pause, she said, "Mr. Cullen…I know. I write vampires all the time. I love them…you…Uhhh…I get that you drink blood, duh, it's the whole core of a vampire. But I also know that if you are teaching gym class every day that you have a control over that. And since the girls here aren't dropping like flies then it also means that you don't kill them. That takes a lot of restraint. Now I know why you're so tense in gym class."

"I'm so tense in gym class because YOU'RE there.", I pointed out firstly and she smiled at me, liking that comment.

"Well yea…", she agreed, "But also it's to keep a wall between you and them….so they don't get too close to you. It's a mask."

"Yes.", I admitted that, liking how quickly she was catching on. Maybe it's a good thing that she writes vampire characters…she had to imagine being one to even try to write it correctly. Maybe she had put herself in my shoes at some point in her life, even if it was only for fun.

"No one loves the gym teacher.", I felt myself smirk at that thought.

"Oh.", she looked down then up at me, "And that's WHY you chose to teach gym, right ? To see who's the strongest…to help make us stronger so that…we could be…trained ?"

I just smirked down at her, raising a brow. Drained is more like it.

"Damn, that's smart.", she looked impressed, "And that's why you want me to work out more and eat the special foods ?"

"That is for your own health.", I told her, "But yes, partly. You need to be much stronger to play with me. And I will get you there."

"Well if you choose the strongest girls then why me ?", she asked again.

I almost rolled my eyes.

"Is it so impossible, Miss Swan, that I happen to like you ?", I asked, "Despite your blatant lack of athletic skill or knowhow ?"

She looked bewildered by this notion that I could like her. I had to straighten this before it got clouded.

"This is not a boyfriend girlfriend relationship.", I told her to make it clear, "I do like you but that's as far as I can go. You understand ? Love….is not something I can do. That is only for the vampire novels. Zombies can't think and vampires can't love. It dies when we do."

"Oh.", she looked at me and gave a nod, "I didn't know that. Yea, I get that. It's okay. That's not your fault."

"Thank you.", I heard myself say back. It was mostly sarcasm.

"Can I see your…eyes again?", she asked hopefully.

"No.", I denied her, "I am not a circus clown, you saw them once that's all you need. If you see them again, it means you're in deep shit so pray it never happens."

"Oh, so they turn red if you get mad ?", she asked, so full of curiosity.

"Sometimes.", I shared, "Sometimes while I'm…having sex."

"Oooh.", she looked thrilled, "Maybe I can see them while we're….doing it…"

"It seems you're fine, Swan.", I began to slowly walk away from her as she followed, "We can stop this now, right ?"

"No wait…", she walked beside me, "Do they turn when you drink too ?"

This girl has no fear at all. What is wrong with her ?

"Miss Swan.", I stopped, "I thought you had more brains than this. Have you no sense of self preservation ?"

She looked confused. Oh, that's right, she almost leaped off a building the other day. So, no.

So I asked her, once and for all.

"I will someday be drinking your blood.", I revealed, "Not enough to kill you…but…that will be part of your life. If you belong to me. Do you understand what this means ?"

She still does not look afraid. Now she looks positively in love with me. More then before, even.

"Swan.", I took her by the hands and sat her on a log behind her, getting down to be at eye level with her, "Your blood."

I swallowed, wanting it so badly.

"Your blood is the most seductive, addicting, and maddening blood I have ever smelled before in my existence. It's like…the most powerful drug in the world to me. I would crawl on hands and knees for ten years to have it. I want it more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. This is a dangerous relationship…for you. If you were smart, you'd pack your things and go home tonight."

She looked more bravely into my face now. As if I were being silly.

"I'm not smart.", she said, "And…I feel the same way about you…you are MY drug. It hurts when you're not around. I can't explain it either but I need you. I want you. And even if you can't love me….I love you. It makes no sense but it's true. I AM home. I'm sorry."

"No, it's alright, Swan.", I said, "I told you to be honest with me. You can always do that."

"Cool.", she said, giving me a little embarrassed grin.

"I guess something wants us to hang out together.", she figured aloud.

"Or not.", I added, considering that possibility, "Fate or whatever you want to call it…has a sick sense of humor. Every gift I've ever gotten has had a horrible cost. The truth is, I don't know why your blood does this to me. But it's more than just your blood now. I really don't want to hurt you…in the fatal sense that is. I do like you. I want this to be a good thing for both of us. Those are my intentions. The outcome…could be quite different. I have a lot of control but I don't know if I have THAT much. If I slip just once…it could mean the end for you."

I didn't know why I was bearing my soul like this but I wanted her to know the danger. And at the same time I WANTED her to be agreeable to all this.

She thought about this and looked at me.

"I'm not afraid to die.", she shared sadly, "In fact it might be a relief. I don't like this world, remember ? But I really like you, Mr. Cullen. Since my mom, you're the only great thing I've found here. I WANT to be with you, anytime I can. You kind of make the world special for me. And now knowing you're a vampire…life is finally getting interesting enough to stay around for awhile."

She looked at the trees for a moment and continued.

"And if you kill me because you are enjoying my blood so much that you can't stop…", she said, "Then…that's how I'll die. With you…in your arms…I can't think of a better place to take my last breath. And don't you feel bad about it either. Just think of it as…you gave me a beautiful death…it's what I always wanted. And I'll be with my Mom. Or I'll be out of my misery. So don't worry about that. I'd rather die…than to stay away from you."

I couldn't believe this. Not only was she alright with me killing her, but she assuaged any guilt I'd have afterwards ? Who IS this girl ? This is what makes her different. She's not afraid to die. And she's too sad to live. Being here with me, is her gray purgatory…trapped in between heaven and Hell, life and death. Sometimes being in between can be the most painful thing.

"Can I ask you some more questions ?", she asked, finally breaking the silence.

"You CAN ask as many questions as you like. It doesn't mean I will be supplying answers.", I dictated. I would not be answering every question.

So, then we spent the rest of the night in the forest, her asking and me answering things. I didn't tell her anything too personal about my past or life…only things that would affect her.

She was frustrated when she asked how I died and what my life was before…and I would not answer. But then she said, "I get it. Too soon. Trust is earned. It's alright. I can wait."

"So is that why you have all those girls ?", she asked later, "So you can like feed a little off each one and not kill them ?"

"Yes.", I replied, "Plus I enjoy them too…it's not all about blood. Sex is a big part of it. It's all connected."

"Oh yea.", she agreed, "Sex and food…definitely. I can't have either one now."

That made me laugh. She was quick on her feet mentally.

"You must write that one down before you forget it.", I told her.

"You'll have sex again.", I predicted, "When you've earned it."

Then later she asked more about when I would be tasting her blood.

"I haven't decided that yet.", I revealed, "We both have much to do before that. If you had normal blood, I would take it right now…but with yours, it must be right. And I want you prepared so that your odds of survival are as high as possible. I don't want this to be a one time thing. I want this…for as long as I can have it."

"Yea I get it.", she nodded, agreeing, "But I'll never be so strong that you couldn't hurt me."

"True.", I said, "But I can't completely rely on my control alone with you. So even if I make little slips…I want you to have a chance of not getting terribly hurt. Plus…I want to be stronger too when it happens."

I can't believe we are sitting here discussing this so calmly, like it's part of her homework or something.

"I feel bad that my blood is doing this to you.", she actually said, "I'm sorry. I don't want to give you any problems."

"Life is problems.", I said honestly.

"That's why death is great.", she responded, "No more problems."

"Guess again.", I raised a brow in her direction.

"Oh yea.", she caught on to my meaning.

I did answer how old I am. 265 years old. I thought she would be revolted but that made her even more happy. She googled what year that would be and said and I quote, "1755 ! Wow ! That's before Outlander happened !"

I felt myself squinting at her, asking, "You DO know that Outlander is fiction, right ?"

"That's what they told me about vampires, too.", she looked victorious.

"Trust me, Outlander is not real.", I was glad to give her this information.

"So…", she started poking around in my human life again, "What was it like back then ? It must've been so great…no tech…no -"

"I told you that topic is not up for discussion.", I said firmly but not angrily.

"But that's your whole backstory….", she began.

"I am not a fictional character in a lame book.", I heard myself state, "My backstory is mine and no one else's. I said nicely I'm not sharing it."

"Alright, God.", she replied, "Have a cow, why don't you ?"

"I don't want a cow", I shot back, "I'm just explaining that when I say no the answer is no."

She burst out laughing at me then. This girl is crazy. Laughing at a vampire who lusts for her blood.

She's lucky it's me or she'd be dead already. It's too bad I can't love. If I could, I'll bet I would fall for her.

"That's why you smell so great.", she said later as we walked, "I thought you had some wonderful cologne. It drives me crazy the way you smell…"

She leaned in and inhaled my scent and I allowed it. She got a dreamy, relaxed look in her eyes as she stumbled beside me. I held her hand so she wouldn't fall onto her face. It felt right, holding her hand. She intertwined her fingers into mine and didn't seem to mind my icy fingers. She smiled at me, shyly. As if this hand holding was the most intimate thing we'd shared.

"Ditto.", I tossed back.

"Tomorrow night, I will begin training you.", I announced, looking at her expression.

She smiled and seemed delighted at this.

"That does not mean sex sex sex all the time.", I informed, "It means training. Some sessions will not be sexual at all. But you have to learn just as you do in gym class. You will be a good student, mature, and mouth closed, ears open. We will learn to crawl, then walk…then run…then run with discipline."

I wanted to add…"Then FLY." But I doubted Miss Swan would get that far. No one ever did.

"Yes Sir.", she answered with a warm smile.

"Yes Master.", I corrected, "Now, that is how you will refer to me when not in school."

"Yes Master.", she turned bright red in the face. It was like her blood just said hello to me. Good thing I'm not breathing.

END OF CHAPTER 18

*I'm glad you guys are enjoying this – and sorry to the ones who have run away in terror. I guess I'm like a vampire in my writing. Thanks for being brave and walking with me ! Leave me a review, I love 'em ! *