Chapter 19 - Vampire's Slave
Bella's POV:
The next night I was on my knees in a very pretty room surrounded by lit candles. Master was there wearing no shirt only black leather pants that looked so wonderfully tight and no shoes as usual. Now I know how his feet never get hurt wherever we go.
He had told me to wait here and now he was back, and he stood before me, slowly removing my clothes with slow care for once. He didn't say a word to me as he did this. He did not rip my clothes off.
But once I was completely naked, he stood behind me and with a soft voice he began to speak to me.
"Bella Swan.", he began, "Tonight, I offer you this collar and with it my devotion, protection, and guidance. I will teach you, strengthen you, and help make you into everything that you desire."
I felt tears in my eyes. I didn't know there would be something like this. A ceremony…?
"In return I ask for your loyalty, honesty, and obedience .", he said with a low sensual tone.
And my love. You have that even though you aren't asking for it. You'll always have that.
"Do you accept my collar, Bella Swan ?", his voice was so sincere that I felt it in my toes. He almost sounded unsure, fragile, as if I would say no to him.
"With all of my heart…Master.", I gave my most honest answer and hoped he could hear the love I had for him in my voice.
I give you the key Edward Cullen…you own me. You did from the first second I saw you. I trust you. I know you are worthy of my trust. I silently said these things as he smiled warmly down at me, stroking my cheek with the back of his hand.
I could not see it very clearly, but a thin cold collar was placed around my neck and he buckled it behind my neck, then moved my hair so it cascaded down both my shoulders.
"God help you, little girl.", he muttered as he came before me, and leaned down to kiss my lips. I kissed him with all the vigor and passion I could jam into it, my hands behind me, unchained.
He poured a half a glass of red wine for me and put it to my lips, gently feeding it to me a small mouthful at a time as I drank silently, looking up at his eyes while I swallowed. It wasn't blood…I was relieved.
He lifted me up into his arms and took me into the other room where a bubbling hot tub waited for us, rose petals floating on the surface. We made love in the tub and that's what I call it. There were no ropes or chains. He allowed me to kiss him and touch him and my hands were naughty. He had me straddle him and he impaled himself into me as I clutched his hair and devoured his mouth with mine. It was so beautiful that I cried. He had total control over himself and I never saw any sign that he was tempted to drink my blood. But maybe I just couldn't see it because he always wanted that.
But in a hot tub full of bubbling steamy water I'm sure my blood smelled thick and rich to him. He never showed it.
Later that night, he handed me a red leather book. A journal.
"This is where I want you to write once a week.", he said without any tension in his voice, "It will happen here, in this safe place, without me here. You will never have to answer to me for anything you write here or be held accountable."
I loved this idea.
"If I have any concerns about something you've written," he continued, "I will discuss it with you and there will be no punishments. Do you understand ?"
"Yes Master.", I smiled at him.
"I can't wait to see what your little pen has to say.", he smirked, opening it to the first page.
"Just for the beginning, I have a few things I've written here I'd like you to answer.", he said as my eyes looked at some very gorgeous calligraphy type handwriting.
"Did you use a quill for this ?", I asked as he rolled his eyes.
"Here you may vent…cry…scream…", he revealed, "You can even hate me in these pages. It's alright."
"To hold these feelings inside is not healthy.", he said, "So here is where you can let them out. And I will have access to this book always – it will be kept here, in this nightstand. But this is also so I can be better on my end too."
"Can I write poems ?", I dared to ask.
"Write anything you wish.", he said with no hesitation.
This is great, I thought, I could tell him here how much I love him.
Once I got a good look at my collar that night and it was lovely. Simple silver with only 317 etched into the front center and leather ends to buckle it comfortably in place, a little lock there to secure it.
It would be kept with him he told me and I understood that. Imagine 317 of these all over the school for the admin to find ?
"I'm not worried about getting caught.", he shared, "I'm a vampire what can they really do to me ? I would just compel them to forget what they saw."
"I wonder why you can't read my mind.", I pondered.
"I told you, you're special.", he confirmed, "I've never met anyone I couldn't read before."
Later, he did leave me alone for awhile so I could write in my journal.
He wrote to me first.
What do you like most about being a slave ?
What are the biggest challenges you have so far about being my slave?
What positive things happened to you today ?
What are some sexual things or fantasies that you want to try ?
If you could change anything about us, what would it be ?
Okay…let's play.
What do I like most about being a slave ?
First, I love being yours. I love seeing your angry face while I'm tied up so tight, it makes my body hot and even though it hurts I feel so aroused as you punish me. I love how I feel when I've endured the pain and see how pleased you are with me. I love to please you. I have yet to achieve this in gym class but I'll keep trying.
What are the biggest challenges you have so far about being my slave ?
The pain. I know I have to be stronger and I will do anything to get there. But I'm afraid of the pain right now. I'm sorry. I will get stronger for you I swear. I will work hard to be less afraid of it.
What positive things happened to you today ?
I was surprised by a beautiful candlelight collaring ceremony and it was the best night of my life. Then the hot tub….DAMN.
What sexual things or fantasies do you want to try?
Ooh…so many. The being kidnapped thing, doing it outside in public, water play, pretend rape, having YOU submit to ME, watching you have sex with someone else…
(I decided to be naughty and wrote:)
Sex fantasy with Master and Dr. Carlisle.
(He'll kill me for that.)
(oh man he's going to love these…LOL. He DID say I could write anything.)
If you could change anything about us, what would it be ?
I wish I was strong enough to take anything that you wanted to do to me, and I wish my blood wasn't causing you this pain. I wish you could relax around me and just enjoy being with me. I want to do anything that would make you happy, I want to be everything to you. Your best.
After that I wrote him a poem from my heart:
i kneel before You, Master, and i offer you this girl,
bound by chains that hold my soul,
yet free my life and make me whole.
Today You take me as Your own, today my life begins,
i kneel before You, soul stripped bare, and offer You these things.
i give to You my heart, it now belongs to You
it is the tie that binds us, No matter what we do
i give to You my mind, it now is yours to keep
i sense you with me always, the feelings are so deep
i give to You my body, it now is yours to take
Please use it at Your will, all others i forsake.
i give to You my soul, the essence that is me
there is no turning back, for You have set me free.
To serve You is my only wish, To please You is my need
Whatever path You choose, i will follow if You lead.
My heart, my mind, my body, my soul, i give these things to You
Please care for me and keep me safe, Please love me as You do.
So that's what I wrote for the first entry. All honest, all heartfelt. It was nice that I could communicate with him this way and have him know what's on my mind. I love that he gave me this.
Later on, I was shown positions. Positions that he wanted me to be in and the command he would give to get me into that position.
Upon meeting, I would be there on my knees, hands behind me, head down, eyes down. This is how I would be when he approached me unless otherwise told.
Inspection –
Slave stands up straight, legs apart, and hands behind the head. This allows Master to easily inspect and handle the slave.
Wait –
Slave stands up straight, putting hands behind her legs apart waiting for the next order.
Attention -
Basic posture position. Heels together, legs straight, face looking forward. Hands relaxed & hanging, touching the hips/ legs.
Wall -
Legs wide apart, hands on the wall with the palms facing the wall. Punishment position.
Nadu
Back straight, head up, kneel back on heels, legs spread wide apart, hands on thighs. Some sources say that having their palms up means helplessness and a wish to please.
Collar me
Offering the neck for the collar. Kneel, back straight, legs spread wide apart, lift the hair with your hands.
Humble
Punishment position in which the submissive is very open and vulnerable. Hands down, crossed, head down on hands, on knees, spread apart…bent over.
Table
Submissive puts her back high in the air for either viewing, sexual use or impact play. Sometimes the use of hands is forbidden. The submissive feels vulnerable.
Stool/ Obediance position
Head down to palms on the floor, knees together, bent over.
Sex Doll/ Capture position
Submissive encourages sexual use by the Master. It is the position of a captured slave. On your back, legs apart, bent.
Floor
Hands beside the head, palms facing the floor. This position is often continued by crawling to the Master.
We practiced these for a little while and he seemed to be pleased with me, I never messed up.
Then he brought me back to the black penis thing I had encountered before during my test weekend.
"Show me what you've learned so far.", he stroked my hair and let my hands be free while he stood back and observed.
Alright.
First I gently stroked the penis, being ever so gentle and careful, I circled my fingers on the balls and then began to slowly place sensual kisses around the penis…on the head of the penis…taking a little lick and suck there…then moving down to the balls and kissing deeply but gently there, massaging with my hand as I did that.
Then I moved to that frenulum thing under the head of the penis and began to lick and flick it with my tongue, sucking and moving it up and down, side to side…little circles all with my tongue. I felt like this was a better start than just sticking it down my throat right off the bat.
I made sure to make my mouth so wet and sloppy like the man said…and I dragged my very wet lips over the head, licking under it and moving my half closed lips along its shaft before taking it into my mouth.
I peeked over at him and he did look very intent as he watched me…as if he were jealous of the penis I was toying with. It wasn't the bored look like the first time I encountered this thing.
"That's all I learned so far.", I said meekly as I peeked up at him again.
"It's very good.", his voice was low and dark, "Keep listening to that bible."
"Yes Master.", I said.
"Use your hands.", he began to instruct me, "Work the shaft up and down while you use your mouth."
I did as he said and he said, "That's right. Nice and steady…not too fast at first. Don't hurry."
"You can also touch the balls if you like.", he smiled as he watched me, "Yea…and don't worry…you won't hurt me. Don't be gentle."
"You can also vary things a little.", he began to teach, "One stroke can go deep into the throat then follow with small, shorter strokes around the head…"
I copied everything he said and I really felt like I was doing a lot better. Master was right…practice does make a difference. It was oddly titillating, him teaching me as I did it to this pretend penis, his eyes piercing into me as I moved.
"Mmm yea.", he never took his eyes off me, "Focus on the journey, not the destination. Don't rush to orgasm. It takes me a long time so get comfortable."
"Lick and suck everything.", he further went on to advise, "Wet wet wet…yes…the warmer the better."
"Run your tongue up and down the shaft…thicker….the bottom of the tongue….yessss…."
"Swirl your tongue around the head….", he went on later, "Yea…a few times…that's a good girl…and lick the urethra real hard."
"Slide your lips slowly over the head.", he later taught, "Under NO circumstances are your teeth to be involved. It won't hurt me but you could lose teeth so beware."
"Suck as hard as you like…", he advised, "The harder the better for me. Saliva…lots of it. I love the hot feeling of being inside a wet little mouth."
"Until we teach you deep throating, " he said, "You can go as far as it's comfortable for now. Sucking and licking the head will also get me there for now."
"Use your fingers on the base of the shaft.", he crossed his arms, enjoying this teaching session.
"Exhale before you take the penis back into your mouth.", he said, "And breathe through your nose."
"If you feel you are going to gag," he said later, "Relax, slow down, and just swallow. You won't swallow it."
"Also, moaning.", he instructed, "I love the sounds, the vibrations of moaning and your little mewing thing you do."
I started to do that too, I did everything he was telling me and it was getting easier and easier, having this information and knowing his likes and dislikes. Every girl should get this kind of class.
"Eye contact is also important.", he taught on, "When you're allowed, you may look up at me."
Later on, as he walked with me back to the Ivy House, he said, "You did extremely well. I wanted to grab you up and shove my cock down your throat just watching you."
"Really ?", I asked, feeling good about myself, "Why didn't you then ?"
"Because you're not ready yet.", he gave a little grin, "As your Master, I have to sometimes hold myself back because you need to learn before you can fly. It's not always easy but…don't worry…it won't be long before I can enjoy all of you. Patience."
"I have no patience.", I admitted.
"No young girl does.", he looked ahead as the breeze blew his hair around his face.
"Do you ever….", I asked, "Do it with older women ?"
"Of course.", he answered, "I'm not just limited to the student body. There are teachers, women who work and live here on campus…women in town outside the school. It depends on what mood I'm in that day."
"Any men ?", I teased.
He looked at me like I slapped him. I laughed.
"I'm just kidding !", I giggled.
"No men.", he said most definitely.
"Ever ?", I teased again.
"Stop.", he simply said, his eyes flickering with a kind warning.
In the nights after that, I learned more. Some of the rules:
i will serve, obey and please my Master.
The slave is never allowed to remove her collar without permission.
The slave is never allowed to enter my bed without permission.
The slave is not allowed to pleasure herself in any way without permission.
No other male or female will touch the slave in a sexual way without permission.
If the slave is put on her knees, or all fours, she isn't allowed to rise, without permission.
The slave is not allowed to speak unless spoken to.
I had to memorize those and I did. In our detentions, we were doing an hour of volleyball training and then he began training me to use the weight machines. Legs and glutes, back, abs and core, arms and shoulders, chest…there were weights and machines to work them all. He was really trying to kill me…slowly.
But I did everything he said, knowing what the goal was what I wanted. I had to be able to keep up with him or be left behind. I was never afraid of him drinking my blood…it was being rejected by him that was my biggest worry. He has so many other girls just dying to be with him…why me ? Is it really just my blood he wants ? Would he still want me if I didn't smell so good to him ? All these thoughts constantly nagged me every second he wasn't around. When I was with him, I was too busy to worry about anything. There was always more to learn…just when I thought I was getting skilled at one thing, another would pop up.
I hadn't texted or talked to Jasper or Maya all this time. I just didn't have the time or energy anymore.
On top of being trained to be the perfect slave, Master Cullen still wanted me to keep my grades up. And beyond that, he kept giving me books to read, telling me that he wanted me smarter than the average high school junior. The things he gave me were mostly great and I loved them but once he gave me five large books to read and said, "Next week I have some more for you."
It's a lot of work, being a vampire's slave. I had no idea. But I would never want out. I loved him more every second we were together. He also wanted to know everything about me, he said, because a good Master knows everything about his slaves…but I really felt like he WANTED to know me, and enjoyed getting to know me. Sometimes he looked absolutely staggered by my opinions…other times he laughed outright…but often he smiled and was pleased.
But that didn't soften him on me in gym class, detention, OR in slave training. Some days I nearly cried from the comments he would make as I began to join in on the volleyball games with the other girls. I still wasn't very good but I was understanding more of what was going on and I was improving…slowly. Still, he was always there to yell at me and make fun of my horrible performances out there. But he did it to EVERYONE not just me. Maybe that's just his way. Now that I know he's a vampire, I understand his hostility but still it stung me a little.
I could've written all this in my journal but I didn't. I didn't want to seem to be a whiny little bitch. Maybe someday I will write it in there. Someday.
I also began to do my job in the school, taking care of the dogs. They had indoor and outdoor kennels and it was my job to walk the dogs around campus so they could get some fresh air and do their business outside. I had to pick it up in a doggy bag and dispose of it but most of the dogs were so sweet and I loved them all.
Two of the dogs that were a real problem were Mr. Cullen's dogs. Rage and Fury. Yep. That's what he named his two poor doggies. They were large beasts, Great Danes. Rage was a female, a Harlequin, all white with little spots of black on her body and Fury is a boy, all black. They were very beautiful but no one could touch them because they would go crazy. They seemed to want to kill anyone who would try and take them out. But Mr. Cullen told me they would behave for me and he came to the kennels a few times while I was there to play with his dogs. They were so sweet to him and I loved seeing this side of him playing without that stern face.
Eventually, I did try to walk Rage, the beautiful girl dog and she walked perfectly at my side and did not try to murder me. Another time, Mr. Cullen was there and let me walk Fury and he was a very good boy for me as well. I wondered if he told them to be nice to me, could he do that ?
"I could get on his back and ride him around.", I still marveled at his size as I walked him one day, Mr. Cullen on the other side of the dog.
"He would never allow that.", Mr. Cullen smiled as he watched me with his little boy.
"Why'd you name them Rage and Fury ?", I asked, "That's so mean."
"They're guard dogs.", he answered, "What should I call them, Marshmallow and Sugarpie?"
"What do they guard ?", I asked him.
"Me.", he replied, "And anyone I tell them to."
"Why do you need that ?", I wondered.
"I'm not the only vampire on earth.", he revealed, "I have some enemies, like anyone else. It's just extra protection if I need it."
I didn't poke too much into that but then he added, "Also it discourages those who might want to leave before I'm through with them."
Oooh that was a little chilling. His eyes blackened as he said that, regarding me.
When we came back from the walk with Fury, I spotted a tiny little thing wandering around the grounds all by himself. I thought at first it was a squirrel or a mouse but when I looked at it, I found it was a little puppy !
"Ohhhh…", I slowly came over to him as Mr. Cullen held his beast back. Fury was barking and trying to get to the little guy.
With one word, "Silence !", Mr. Cullen made the dog freeze in place and stop barking.
He was so small he fit in the palm of my hand. His little black eyes bugged out and he was light brown and white, spotted, with a little white stripe down his forehead, little ears pointed at the ends and the sweetest little pink pads under his feet, a little tiny tail with a white end on it like he dipped it in paint.
"What is that thing ?", Mr. Cullen looked at it as I picked him up and he began to lick my nose, his little tail wagging a mile a minute.
"He's a little baby dog !", my voice went up five octaves as I fell in love right there, "He's the tiniest little thing I've ever SEEN !"
"Ukk.", he frowned at it as I held him, "It's a rat, Miss Swan. Don't touch it."
I looked at him with a frown. "He's not a RAT.", I defended, "He's just a baby ! How did you get out here ?"
I kept kissing him and holding him as Mr. Cullen put Fury in his pen and came over to investigate.
"Oh", he looked at the dog and then to me, "He was Miss Nickles' dog. She never cared for him."
"How do you know that ?", I asked.
"I read his mind.", he shrugged.
"You can read a dog's mind?", I was amazed.
"Sure why not ?", he asked, then smirked as he watched the little puppy licking my lips, unable to stop as I giggled, loving it.
"He's in love with you now.", Mr. Cullen informed.
"Aww I love him too.", I confessed.
"Well it's Miss Nickles' dog so why don't you put him in his little cage inside and we can go?", he suggested.
"What ever happened to her ?", I asked, hating that she never came to get her own dog, "Miss Nickles?"
He just eyed me and said, "She had an accident. She'll be back."
Something about this made me feel funny. Did he hurt her ? Was she one of his girls ? Did another vampire get to her or something ? I wanted to ask but I got the eerie feeling I shouldn't.
I kissed the little puppy she had named Dior (ukk) into his little pen inside and gave him a nice fleece blanket to snuggle up in. He still wanted me and I wished I could take him with me. He was adorable. I would make sure to come see him every day and play with him.
"Don't cry.", I kissed his little head and said, "I'll be back tomorrow. Be good and eat your dinner."
It killed me to leave him because he was going nuts as I walked out.
I tried not to feel sad as we left and refocus back on Mr. Cullen. I always wanted a dog but my father would never let us have one. Oh well, he didn't belong to me anyway.
"Are you going to sulk about that rodent for the rest of the night ?", Mr. Cullen asked me later.
"He's not a rodent, he's a chihuahua.", I corrected.
"You're not focusing, Miss Swan.", he watched me doing my homework as he read my journal.
"I'm sorry.", I said, trying to get back to my Spanish.
"Miss Swan.", his voice sounded tense and restrained.
"Yes Master?", I turned to him, sitting on a sofa, his fist clenched.
"I'm not angry….", his voice was tight, "But what is the meaning of this passage…Master and Dr. Carlisle sex dream ?"
I grinned to myself, "You just now saw that ?", I asked.
He did not punish me…he said he wouldn't. But how I enjoyed tormenting him with that one.
"You could compel him…", I put my pencil in my mouth and looked at him dreamily, "We could have a great time…"
His face almost burned mine with the glare I was getting. I laughed and his eye twitched…he wanted to hurt me so badly but couldn't. I almost laughed out loud.
I explained about how the dream came to me and while he found it very interesting, two men having their way with me in the hospital restraints, he didn't like that the other man was Dr. Carlisle. And he didn't like the fact that Dr. Carlisle's name was written in my journal. But he would not erase it or punish me for it, either.
"Do you find him attractive ?", he went on to ask me later…he may be a vampire but he's still a man.
"No.", I said, "Not really."
"Not really ?", he repeated.
"He's a ken doll…", I informed, "Too goody goody, clean cut for me. I like my men dangerous and dark."
He smiled at that and I liked it how he almost got jealous there for a second. It made me feel beautiful…wanted.
And then there was the thing I was learning now in my slave training: pain endurance.
Master was testing out where my pain threshold is…how much I could take…how much is too much…how my screams told him when to stop and when to slow down.
Breathing techniques was what he was teaching me. Hold your breath for 8 seconds then exhale for 8 seconds…concentrate on the counting…then visualization came next. Focus on something in the room, something small. Focus on that and nothing else. I've heard of women doing this in labor but so far it was not working that well with me. Having Master there, so gorgeous and inflicting pain on me…took up most of my brain's energy. Plus I was getting aroused so good luck counting during that.
Right now we were working on auto suggestion. Tell yourself "The pain is going away. I don't feel anything." Yea right.
There are other ways, he told me, we would find something.
I was also still practicing my oral skills on the fake penis, Mr. Happy, I began to call it. Because he was having all the fun while Mr. Cullen watched. He was always patient with me, never overstepped his role as Master, or pushed me too far that it was really painful for me. But I wanted to be everything he wanted. I tried so hard every day.
We would run together after dinner through the woods for exercise three times a week. We would talk a lot about anything. He knew so much, he had been everywhere, he had read every book, heard every brilliant musical piece. He really did have 265 years of knowledge in his brain. And I'm this 17 year old who is having trouble in Spanish. What did he see in me ? Wouldn't he want some woman who was older who he could talk to about these things ?
Alice and I had really become good friends too. I never made her go shoplifting with me or anything but we found a lot of things to talk about. We both loved music and movies and she was very interested in things I loved that she never heard of before. She seemed to be raised in this rich world and hated it. She loved to hear about my little house in Forks and the dumb things we did there. Dressing up as vampires and going to clubs in Port Angeles was always our favorite thing. We even cut ourselves and tasted each other's blood, Jazz, Maya and I. The more I thought about the stuff we loved, the more in love I felt with Mr. Cullen. I always adored vampires and now I not only knew they existed but I knew one…and he owned me. I felt like life couldn't possibly get any better than this for me. It was like a dream come true. I kept worrying that one day I'd wake up and it would all have been a dream…and that Mr. Cullen was only a fantasy…gone in one moment. Mist…then nothing.
One thing Master really enjoyed was called pet play. He would sometimes treat me as his pet, as if I were his dog. The first night he did that with me he brought me to the outside dog kennels on a leash while I crawled on all fours. I was naked and he put me into one of the caged pens, buckling my leash to the chain link fence. He poured fresh water into a bowl for me and had me eat my chicken dinner from another bowl in there. I wasn't allowed to talk at all, only make animal sounds. He played ball with me and had me bring the ball back to him then fetch it. Then he hosed me off and came into the pen with me, using my leash to move me back and forth as he fucked me savagely. Then after, he would pet me and kiss me…tell me what a good girl I was and how happy I made him. It was the same affection I saw him show to Rage and Fury that I envied…and now he was lavishing it upon me.
It was mostly for that reason that I LOVED this whole game and I later told him so in my journal so I hoped we'd be playing that in many different ways in the future.
However, every time I go to the kennels now outside to walk the dogs I turn a bright shade of pink.
The dogs all look at me in a weird way too.
October had finally come and I went out of my way to avoid telling anyone that my birthday was October 10th. I would turn 17 but I hated being the center of attention. I hated having my birthday celebrated. It was embarrassing. My Mom always made a great birthday for me and I missed her more than ever on those days where her love was never more bright. I still couldn't believe that I would never have her there for another one of my birthdays. That I had only gotten 15 birthdays with her. It hurt worse than any whip or device I could think of.
All the girls were all occupied anyway with the Halloween dance coming up. The school was having this thing with the Ironwood Academy, the boys. How it worked is, you picked a slip of paper from a bowl. It tells you what costume you're supposed to wear to the dance. Then, at Ironwood, some random boy would pick a paper that would be the match to your costume. At the dance, you're to meet up with the other half of your costume and that is your date for the night.
I hated this fucking idea and did not want any part of it. But they made us all do it.
I had picked the brilliant costume of a peanut butter sandwich and I guess that my partner would be a jelly sandwich. This was beyond moronic and I loathed the thought of some dorky boy trying to dance with me in a jelly sandwich costume.
Mr. Cullen laughed and said, "It's only a dance. You'll survive."
He never seemed to fix all my problems for me and I liked that for the most part but I really wished he could get me out of this. He seemed to find it comical that I had to go out and find a peanut butter costume.
He didn't say anything to me about my birthday and I was glad he didn't know. I didn't want him thinking he had to do anything special for me. Not that he would…I don't know…we were together every day at some point, either in detention or privately in training. There wasn't one night that he didn't see me since I accepted his collar. But I knew I was becoming used to that and when, one night, he didn't call or want to see me, I would be crushed. I prepared myself for that, in the back of my mind.
Gym class was getting especially harder than before. The other girls there, except Alice, seemed to really hate me now for some reason. I suspected that they were also Mr. Cullen's girls but that didn't mean they had to hate me. Maybe they're jealous because he's been spending so much time with me, I didn't know but I was starting to get sick of them, especially that Miss Fagan bitch.
She always found a way to shove me or trip me so I'd mess up and Mr. Cullen would shout at me. I kept trying to stop her but so far she had bested me every time. Mr. Cullen didn't seem to ever notice this and I didn't go ratting to him, either. But I wanted my revenge against them, Fagan and her little trolls that followed her around. I didn't want to choke her like that last day but I wanted to do something to her that would hurt. Something inside me started to plot and think over the possibilities.
I knew that Mr. Cullen wouldn't like this, so it was just a thought in my mind that I never acted on…
"Hale – setter, Harris – Middle blocker, Swan, - Libero…", Mr. Cullen was telling us our positions and I went to mine, waiting in my squatted down position as Mr. Cullen had taught us to, watching as Fagan bitch got the position in front of me on my side of the court.
"Oh look Mr. Cullen", she mocked me with a girly voice, "I'm already in position and ready to play."
Fuck you Toadface.
"I miss the days where she was way down there.", another girl commented, "She thinks she's all good now, playing with us."
"Puulleeassee.", Fagan scoffed, "She never hits the ball."
Not true but I tried to ignore them and focus on the girls on the other side of the net. Mr. Cullen had taught me enough that I was able to hit the ball and set it up lots of times now. I also missed sometimes, too, for sure, but I was better than I used to be. Alice was over there, smiling and giving me a wave.
I waved back, stretching my leg a second, waiting for the whistle.
The whistle blew and I watched the ball as the girl across the net served it.
Fagan set the ball high up over her head and it was mine. I didn't jump, I shuffled to get under it as it came down and Harris, the girl to my left, jumped into me and threw me off my spot and she got it.
"Swan that was yours !", Mr. Cullen shouted as I tried to get back in my position.
"Trent, DIVE !", he was yelling at the girl on the other side of the net as she hit the floor to get the ball at the last second…and she DID get it.
The girls around me laughed that they got me yelled at. I wanted to shave every one of their heads personally.
Fagan jumped up and spiked the ball down hard upon the Trent girl as she had not gotten back to her feet yet.
"That's right, Fagan!", Mr. Cullen congratulated, "KILL."
I frowned at him, hating that he was fawning all over the beast who hated me. He paid me no attention at all and it was our turn to serve.
All during the game I had to watch my back against the bitches on my own team, let alone the girls across the net from me. I had managed to get some of the balls and I did get a mediocre response from Mr. Cullen like "Good Swan." Or "Average Swan, average." And then there was my favorite "Wake up Swan."
Oh he also lashed out at other girls too, not just me…but he didn't praise me here in gym class. I knew I still had a lot more to learn and I didn't want to be the star player…but it did cut me when he kissed that Fagan's ass. God how I hated her.
I knew he wasn't doing it to hurt me, he was being the teacher. And I understood that. I just wanted to be better than I was…I wanted to hear him be proud of me just one time here.
I always pictured Mr. Cullen with that bitch, naked, whipping her and probably praising her for how well she could take it. I bet she's sucked his dick and is probably really great at it too. The more class went on the more pissed off I was getting.
Finally, when the ball came and it was hers, I shoved her out of the way and got it myself, and with one hit I sent it back over to the other side.
"SWAN", he just shouted and I knew I had screwed up. Fagan leapt up from the floor and before I knew it, she punched me right in the face, sending me hurling backwards into some other girl.
"HEY !", he shouted and everything blurred as I laid on my back.
"FAGAN - FACE DOWN ON THE FLOOR ! NOW !", I could hear him shouting at her and part of me felt warm inside that he was defending me.
I could hear the other girls laughing or talking, I couldn't tell…Alice was next to me suddenly and I could see Mr. Cullen there too, on his knees on the floor next to me.
"Let me see, Swan.", he said softly to me, remaining calm as I took my shivering red hand away. I tried to hide it in my side as he carefully touched the bridge of my nose, his cold fingers relieving some of the pain.
In an instant, he was placing a cold ice pack gently over my nose. I could taste blood and I feared for a moment about Mr. Cullen being this close but he seemed fine.
"I think her nose is broken.", Alice said and inside I felt panic rise up inside me.
I pictured Marcia Brady's nose after that football hit it. Mr. Cullen would think I was ugly now. And was he alright with my nose bleeding this way ? He seemed to be.
"No it's not.", he was examining it, putting the ice pack on my nose now, "Swan, are you alright ? How many fingers am I holding up ?"
I looked and said, "Two."
"I'm taking her to the nurse.", he said, I guess I got that wrong. I felt him scoop me up into his arms and we were moving.
"No one is to MOVE until I get back.", he shouted at the others.
"Hang on, baby, I've got you.", his voice said to me, so sweetly, almost as if he was afraid for me. And he never called me baby before.
I just laid my face on his chest and inhaled, finding comfort in that as he laid me down carefully.
"Nurse Garrity.", he called to her.
"Sit up, Swan", he said softly, "And lean forward a bit, it will reduce the blood pressure in your nose."
"Hold the ice pack on.", he whispered, looking to see if the nurse was coming yet…she wasn't.
He kissed my fingers briefly and looked as if he was holding his breath because of my blood. I wish I could wipe the blood off my hand to make it easier for him.
I smiled at him but he didn't see because of the ice pack over my face.
"I'm sorry.", I wanted to add Master to that but I knew not to here.
"What are you sorry for ?", he asked, confused.
"The blood. I wish I was tougher.", I nearly cried, "I'm so weak."
"You are NOT.", he said fiercely and I believed he really meant it.
Then he looked and shouted, "Nurse Garrity are you ON A BREAK OR SOMETHING ?"
I almost laughed.
She came scurrying over then as Mr. Cullen grumbled, "There's an injured student here, I assumed it was a good idea coming to the nurse's office. But maybe I'm wrong."
No one is safe from Mr. Cullen's wrath. It felt nice that I was the reason he was berating the poor nurse lady.
He stayed with me as the nurse also checked my very sore nose.
It turns out my nose wasn't broken but just deeply bruised and swollen. I was told to keep the ice pack on it and just relax for awhile.
The nurse also put some Neosporin on my cut lip on the bottom and she walked away for a moment.
I started to cry, imagining what my face would look like.
"Does it hurt ?", he asked, his fingers moving through my hair as he looked at me, "I'll get you some painkillers."
"It's not that.", I said, "I'm so ugly. My face…"
He frowned a bit and said, "Stop that. You can't even SEE your face, for one thing. This will be gone in a couple of days. Just keep the ice on it. I'll get you a steak to hold against it later."
"Will you…",I sniffed and that was a bad idea, "Will you still….want me ?"
"Crazy little girl.", he smiled at me, "A little bruise won't drive ME away. Stop being silly."
"Are you alright, with the blood ?", I tried to hide my cut lip.
"I'm under control, Swan, don't worry about me.", he assured me.
"I shouldn't have done that.", I admitted, "It was wrong to push her out of the way and steal the ball."
He scoffed. "She's been doing it to YOU for the last week, it's about time you took it from her."
"You saw that ?", I asked.
"I told you", he stared into my eyes, "I see everything that happens in my class. Up to now it was spirited competition that is part of sports. But her punching you is inexcusable. She will be dealt with, believe me."
"What are you gonna do ?", I was scared all of a sudden. The look in his eyes was like steel.
"That's my business.", he stated.
"Please don't—", I began but the nurse came back in and Mr. Cullen put himself back an inch from me.
"Oh Jesus.", Mr. Cullen said to himself and I wondered what was wrong.
I didn't get the chance to ask him but then Dr. Carlisle walked in.
"Close your eyes and start dreaming.", Mr. Cullen teased under his breath as Dr. Carlisle came over to us.
I tapped Mr. Cullen playfully and he stood up, facing Dr. Carlisle.
"Mr. Cullen.", he greeted him with concern, "I was told that there was a fight in your class."
"Who told you that ?", he asked defensively.
"Don't worry about it.", he gave a weak smile to Mr. Cullen, then looked at me.
"What happened, Miss Swan ?", he asked.
"She is hurt, she can't talk to you right now.", Mr. Cullen answered for me.
"I'm talking to HER, Mr. Cullen.", he said, giving him a firm glance.
"We both jumped for the ball and I got hit in the face by Miss Fagan's elbow.", I said.
"Are you sure that's what occurred ?", he asked.
"She answered your question, Doctor.", Mr. Cullen said the last word with a tone.
"Because I was told that Miss Fagan struck you.", he kept talking to me and ignoring Mr. Cullen.
"Either way, you're talking to the victim.", Mr. Cullen informed, "Talk to Miss Fagan, after I'm done with her, that is."
"I intend to.", he said, "Mr. Cullen, can I have a word with you in the hall, please ?"
Dr. Carlisle walked away and Mr. Cullen winked at me and followed him out there. A couple minutes later, Mr. Cullen came back and said, "What a tool."
"Are you in trouble ?", I asked him.
"Oh please.", he winced, "That guy is a mosquito in my world. Don't worry about him."
Later, they let me go to my dorm room for the rest of the day. Mr. Cullen even let me off my detention. I suspected that he was busy with Miss Fagan. What would he do to her ?
I did go to play with Dior the puppy for awhile and bought him a new little chew toy. Then I walked Rage and Fury and headed back to my room. Animals are awesome. They didn't care at all that my face was wrecked.
I felt very anxious wondering if he would call me or text…or would he come over later tonight ? I kept looking at my face. My nose was purple and puffy and my bottom lip was fat and split. I kept crying, thinking that he wouldn't want to look at me until my face went back to normal.
Alice came over for awhile to visit me and she tried to apply some makeup to hide my disfigurement.
"It's a lost cause, forget it.", I didn't even want to look in the mirror anymore.
"It looks a little better.", she tried to compliment me.
"Thanks, Alice.", I tried to smile. But every time I did, my lip would start to bleed again.
"Keep the ice on it.", she said, "That'll make it go away faster."
"Can I borrow some money and get plastic surgery ?", I asked her.
Later, she left and I laid in bed, the covers over my head.
I heard a soft chuckle.
"Are you dead ?", his voice asked quietly.
"Yes.", I answered, secretly thrilled that he was finally here.
"Come out of there.", his fingers slowly pulled the covers off my head.
He was sitting on the windowsill, his feet on the bed.
"Here.", he handed me an uncooked steak and helped me bring it to my face, "Hold it there it helps."
"Anything to hide this face.", I took it, placing it over my nose and lip, "Thank you."
"You're welcome, 317.", he said warmly.
"What happened ?", I heard myself asking, "To…her ?"
My eyes were watching his expression as I asked it.
"She's being dealt with.", his face turned cold in an instant.
"Still ?", I felt sick inside, "What time is it ?"
I was looking for my phone but his hand stopped mine.
"She is…fine.", he told me, "But she will be very very sorry when you see her tomorrow I'll wager."
"Oh my God.", I shivered, "She's gonna kill me."
He smirked.
"No…she will not.", he predicted with absolute certainty.
"You didn't have to….", I swallowed.
"Listen.", he stopped me, "You aside, she broke the rules. She is paying the price. The same would happen to you. Or any of the 317. That's MY decision."
I didn't know what to say or how to feel.
"You just rest and take care of my favorite face.", he lightly kissed my forehead.
I felt tingly everywhere. His favorite face ? Wow ! And now it was all busted up. I knew what he was doing…dazzling me so I would stop asking about poor Miss Fagan.
"Come here.", he got into my bed and placed me to lay in between his legs, my head resting back on his chest, his face next to my hair as he covered me up.
"Want to hear some Stephen King ?", he reached for my book and I snuggled against him, loving this.
"Yes, please, Master.", I held the steak to my face as he turned my lamp off.
He started to read to me from the book in the dark because he knew how much I loved it when he did that. I could listen to his voice forever, but especially while reading Stephen King.
He stroked my hair and read, his voice perfection as I listened…and slowly drifted off to sleep.
"I love you, Master…", I heard myself whisper.
I didn't wait for or expect an answer. But I felt his lips kiss my temple and I smiled under my steak, feeling the cut in my lip open again and lightly seep with blood. I held the steak tighter over it, hoping it wasn't hurting my Master. If it did, he never let me see or hear it. No tension in his body, no jagged breath, no anxiety in his voice.
The next morning my alarm went off and my face didn't look that much better. My nose looked big and lighter purple now but my lip was a little bit less fat.
I wished I could put a bag over my head to go to school but I just had to live with this until it goes away.
Dr. Carlisle kept trying to get me to share my story in group but I stuck with my 'it was an accident' story. I had to tell every teacher the story in every class so by now I was used to it.
In gym class, I didn't see the Fagan girl. Mr. Cullen had us do our exercises then he told us to sit back on the floor.
"I'm just going to say this once.", he was so stern that no one dared to breathe, "You are here to learn. You are here to excel. You are here to play and work at the very best of your abilities. That drive can sometimes get emotional. I understand that. But you will keep your fucking hands to yourselves in my class. If you want to box, we will BOX. But I'll be the one in the ring with you so think very HARD next time before you put your hands on each other. This will not be tolerated just ONE MORE TIME. Conduct yourselves like the young adults you are. Your childhoods are over. Did everyone hear that ?"
"Yes Mr. Cullen.", the group was stunned so the reply was weak.
"I SAID DID EVERYONE HEAR THAT ?!", he yelled and I physically jumped at the volume….his voice echoed in the gymnasium.
"YES, MR. CULLEN!", everyone said very loudly.
"Good.", he gave a warm smile, "Everyone on the wall today."
The whole period we spent in silence, with our hands on the floor, our feet on the wall like I'd had to do in detention every day. Even ME ! Well, in actuality, I did choke the Fagan girl that day…but only I and Mr. Cullen knew it. I felt just as scolded as the rest of the girls. Mr. Cullen strolled around the gym, watching us suffer on the wall as he whistled to himself.
Occasionally, a girl would fall…and get right back up. I was glad not to be the only one.
I kept wondering what happened to the Fagan girl. Is she still being punished ?
No one even talked in the locker room after that. It was spooky.
After a couple days, my face DID return to normal. It was like it never happened. I was glad to be able to face people again. Miss Fagan did come back to class and she did make a very long and teary eyed apology to me. She looked positively terrified as she almost begged me to forgive her.
"It's okay…", I shook my head, feeling terrible, wondering what Mr. Cullen did to her but not able to say anything about it, "Don't worry about it. I'm sorry…I…pushed you."
What did he do to her ?
She even tried to hug me but I tensed and she stopped. I didn't see any visible signs of damage on her anywhere but that didn't mean anything. I knew he could do things to her that eyes could never see.
We returned to playing volleyball and the other girls on my team played with me now and not against me. I was glad for that at least but one thing remained in my mind. Do not break the rules. His rules. I would die if I was ever in that much trouble with Mr. Cullen.
Edward's POV:
I had never wanted to punch a woman in the face so badly until today. Miss Fagan paid dearly for her little attack on Miss Swan and I still wanted to punch her face into an unrecognizable pulp. I kept seeing it in my mind, Miss Fagan's fist smashing into Bella's face, crushing her nose and splitting her lip open. The blood…the scent of her fear as she went down. Everything inside me was on fire, enraged.
Before I even had time to consider it I wanted Miss Fagan's ass. Oh she will suffer for what she did but the bigger question is – why am I so angry ? These little girls have fights all the time, especially over me. Hell, at times I pitted them against one another, naked, just so I could watch the violence. Then I would punish the loser and reward the winner. I so loved the holidays back then.
But something was definitely happening to me. I had in so little a time become very fond of this human, the one whose blood I was training to taste. Miss Swan thinks she is in training and she is…but really it's I who need it. I must have complete control of myself, every facet of my being, to drink this blood and leave the girl alive afterwards.
I read to the girl ! I let her fall asleep on my chest ! That's not ME ! I know it's wrong to lead her on and spoil her the way I do but…I can think of no other explanation but the truth. I love having her around. I love smelling her scent on my clothes when she's not there…I love having her hair in my nose as I let her cuddle against me in her dorm room bed. I love hearing her breathing as she trusts me enough to sleep in my presence. She's not afraid of me. She knows what I am and she is not terrified of me destroying her. In fact, she wouldn't blame me or even hate me if I DID take her life. She would thank me. She would forgive me.
Most people don't like to look at me or let me touch them because mortals are afraid of death, they turn away from it, they don't want to even think of it. But Miss Swan looks closer and looks in awe. She thinks I'm beautiful and perfect. And even though I know I'm far from it I like the way she looks at me. Even if it is a lie. It's a lie I enjoy hearing.
She thinks someday I can love her. I wish I could. But even if a miracle happened and I COULD love her, how could she possibly love ME? She doesn't know my past…the things I've done…not just people I've killed but the women I've destroyed from the inside out. I kept wanting to tell her but I kept saying it's too soon, why scare her ? I would never do these things to Miss Swan…right ?
Honestly, I can't promise that or anything to her. I don't know if someday I'll bore of her like all the others and then have her here suffering my wrath because she attacked the newest member of my nasty little lair. I wish I could compel her to leave here and not come back. I could follow her anywhere but I could stop myself. Yea right. Not if she's taking her blood with her. I need that blood. It's not even a question anymore, I must have it. I WILL have it. Even if that means killing her. I know I will be disappointed with myself if I DO kill her…and something else…sadness ? I haven't felt that in two lifetimes…but I know it's waiting there if things do go wrong. I wasn't stubborn enough to deny that I do like Miss Swan. I know I do. But is it more than the like…the love - I have for the red drug calling to me from her veins ?
I hate that her blood owns me the way it does. It has me on my knees, waiting, patiently, for the permission to come and get it. They are my chains, the ones she has covered me in…and they're so heavy and cold. I don't want to be free of them, either.
Maybe the other girls are not as clueless as I thought. Maybe they can sense my weakness for Miss Swan and are jealous somehow. It's a common theme with young girls who cannot come for anyone else but me and are denied for so long. It makes them very tense.
I have to admit I do love playing with Miss Swan. I took her out to the outer dog kennel one night and what a fun night that was. I put bondage mittens over her hands and taped her knees in a bent position so she would hobble around like a real little puppy. I stuck a little dog tail plug into her ass and chained her to a stake in a kennel between my other dogs, Rage and Fury. I let her shiver in the cold night air for awhile then I fed her and gave her a bowl of water. She played along perfectly, not talking, being a sweet little dog for her Master. I even taught her to fetch. Finally a game Miss Swan could play, I was elated.
She again tried to lick around the waistline of my pants and over the denim of my crotch…she wants to go there so badly. I let her lick my fingers and I took my shirt off so she could experiment on my chest…she WAS very good at licking and sucking my nipples, even tried to bite a little until I scolded her and said, "Bad dog." She whined and cried like a dog and that made me laugh.
Most girls cried the whole time I had them here, thinking it was some sick punishment. Miss Swan understood me.
It was when she was all over my neck that I started to stray in my control again. Damn she's good at this I kept thinking as she pressed her naked, cold breasts against my skin and very vigorously licked and bit and sucked everything she could get to.
It wasn't long before I had to fuck her silly right there, with her on all fours, squealing like a dog while I clutched at the chain fence and rammed her from behind, her face occasionally crashing into it as I delivered an especially deeper thrust. It was beautiful. I could control her head with the leash and a couple of times I pulled it pretty taut, almost denying her air and then giving her some. Then I had her bite down on her large dog bone, grunting as I took her again and again. She never complained. In fact I think she enjoyed it. And when I read her journal she spelled out how much she enjoyed it. I loved sitting down and reading her book. She painted me as the vampire god but if that's how she sees me that's her delusion.
I was having so much fun with her as my bitch that I must've eaten her pussy for over an hour, her body chained to the fence, wet with the rain as I held those skinny legs open and buried my face there forever. She really loves when I do that. Those first orgasm sounds are like music to me. And after the 34th orgasm in a row, it just gets sweeter. Pleasure and pain dancing together, in screams and cries of lust.
For me, this is almost the next best thing to tasting her blood. I can very nearly taste it as she comes. She hasn't been allowed yet to give me oral sex because first she didn't know what she was doing…and secondly because it would be a lot for me to contain myself. It would be like her blood going down on me, wrapping its lips around my cock.
She was getting damn skilled at it, from what I've seen her do to that practice dildo and now that youtube thing she listens to that gives her lessons. I have also seen her alone in her room practicing on a cucumber. She doesn't know that I watch her do this, but that's my little secret.
Her birthday is coming up soon. I decided that she will be allowed to suck my cock as a present. Again, so unlike me to be so sweet to a human just because it's the day they were expunged from their mother's uterus. That's not an accomplishment, why are we celebrating them ? That's nature. But I wanted to do something nice for her, she has been working so hard to do everything I say. I have another idea she might find more sweet but that's a surprise.
Her father only called once since she'd been here at school. She didn't answer it but I could tell she was upset. Her other little friends don't call anymore either. Farewell Jasper. Well, she has me to keep her busy now and Alice, who I no longer am forcing to be friends with her. Alice likes Miss Swan and I was glad she had a little friend to play with while I couldn't be there. Besides, I could still have Alice test her a bit and see how Miss Swan responds. Having a reason to punish her a little is always nice.
Right now our training is focusing on pain and how to deal with it. I'm not beating the Hell out of her, I'm just going to the edge, where it really begins to be agonizing for her then I see if I can push just a bit further. Little by little I will push that line further and further away so she becomes stronger…the diet and exercising are also beginning to help. It's a gradual process but already she is improving in gym class. She can hit the ball now…sometimes. It's better than how she was.
I did see how the other girls in class had begun to leer at her and make their little cracks. I could've intervened but I can't fight all her battles. I thought this might build her stamina a bit, make her try harder perhaps…but then Miss Fagan belted her like a man. I almost went wild with rage when I saw it but I had to keep myself calm. I could've stopped Fagan but then every girl there would've seen my speed and I would've had to compel them all to forget it. A big part of me couldn't believe Fagan would ACTUALLY do something like this, knowing what would happen to her.
Strange. When Miss Swan choked Miss Fagan I was merely surprised and frankly proud of her. Dissapointed in Miss Fagan…but I was not enraged like I was when Fagan attacked Bella.
But I think Miss Fagan understands now and remembers her place. In her thoughts, I could see that she fancied herself my favorite, my number one. I don't have a number one. She is one of 317 and that's all. I considered moving her out of my class away from Miss Swan but then decided against it. Miss Swan must handle her own battles, as much as I'd love to step in, she must not become spoiled as Miss Fagan had. Plus a little jealousy never hurt a girl. It will keep her on her toes and thus she will serve me even more fervently.
But I did make my speech about them keeping their hands off each other and I hope they heed it. Every girl in this class is mine and they well know what waits for them if they anger me again. It was a lovely sight, though, every girl on the wall, sweating and grunting trying to stay up there while I just watched them suffer in all their glory. For once I wouldn't have to shout at them.
And now all the girls could talk about was this stupid Halloween thing, dance, mixer, whatever. None of my girls would ever get to first base with any of these boys but I allowed them the dances, the get togethers…get them all horny and ripe for the next visit with me. I didn't want romance with them so I never cared. I told Miss Swan the same and the more I thought of it, the more ridiculous my reactions became. I didn't want her touching or dancing with some other boys. I don't want her laughing at their jokes, I don't want her even speaking to them. Why do I care ? I know, because she's mine. But I just want her body and blood…her heart is no concern of mine. I think this girl's blood is doing this to me. It's gotta be the answer.
I kept testing the blood I took from her to see if it was poisoned or laced with anything. I do have enemies that might try something like this. Have me bite her, drink her blood, then I realize I'm dying or sick. I'd be weakened and they could come right in here and destroy me. I thought at first that the Swan girl was part of something sinister like that. But the more I spoke to her and tested her, the more innocent she seemed to me. Her father would not put her up to anything like this and I had no history with Charlie Swan, or anyone in Forks. No, she is not intentionally trying to hurt me. I can read her body and pheromones, if not her brain. She truly loves me. She writes me poems all the time, saying so…and never expects me to say it to her in return. I think she really understands that it's something that dies in you when you change. At least that's how it is for me.
My response to her 'I love you' is always the same : I kiss her, silently, hoping that she realizes what that means. She always seems to and looks pleased at that. I don't want to lie to her and say the words back. I wish I could, but I can't. And I will never be able to give her that in return, as much as I would like to. And that hurt me somewhere deep inside.
I do like her and I've told her that many times. To her, that's enough. I wondered how long it would be.
And again my dead mother's words came to my mind.
If you want to kill something, don't use a dagger or poison…use love. Love…could something so trivial and fragile really kill me ? I wasn't afraid to die, I had done it before. And for a long time I longed for death, an oblivion, nothingness. I never found it. I would love to have it now. But I know damn well…I don't deserve peace. I deserve my Hell and if kneeling before Bella Swan is fate's punishment for me…well then it's not very fitting. I deserve so much worse than a cute little girl who loves me and wants to fulfil my every sick sexual wish.
The only thing wrong with this is that it's Miss Swan who will be hurt in all this, not me. To live with me for years and years as my bottle of the finest wine isn't much of a life. But right now she seemed to want that life. I kept giving her books to read, to advance her past the high school girls so that she could, perhaps, become a writer. She could have her dream and still stay here with me. It could work, right ? I wasn't sure but I was trying to keep my promise and make her into everything she wanted to be.
If she becomes a successful writer, she will have to travel and promote and do interviews…she will be in the public eye. I can't do that with her. My face is meant to be in the shadows. Maybe she can be one of those brilliant recluses who writes and never shows her face anywhere.
I never went through any of this mental anguish over any other girl here. But I know this one is different. She must be with me for as long as I can keep her. So I didn't mind putting more thought into her. And I know when I finally taste that blood it will be better than I ever dreamed and my resolve to keep her will be even more concrete.
I put all this aside for now and returned to Miss Fagan, who was sobbing down below, dreading my return. I wasn't finished with her yet and she knows it. It will be a long , long time before she fancies herself as my favorite again.
On another note, training 317 was going very well so far. Already I am getting her temperature of what her pain threshold is. She is an introvert so she is not very shouty or screamy which I like…but she goes within herself to hide when the pain begins. She turns still and quiet which needs to change. It's almost like she was self hypnotizing to take herself out of her pain. And that would work, as long as the pain is gradual and slow building…but when I inflict a pain that is sudden and a surprise, then she breaks that concentration and it can be quite shocking then.
I don't want her disconnecting like that from me, I want her to stay with me and communicate so I would not lose her in the scene and do her more harm than planned. This is how a slave gets hurt when her Dom doesn't know how far he can go or when to stop.
So I was working on 317 keeping eye contact with me, deep eye contact, and staying with me in the moment…to focus ON the pain, not run away from it. Stay present and absorb the pain, don't hide from it.
Also I brought music into our dungeon. The tempo and the rhythm was very good for her as she could sway to the music, concentrate on the beat of it.
Another thing I taught her was this: Pain is resistance. So I am teaching her to completely relax her body, lean into the pain and accept it. It will not last and it will not "suck" to use her word. It doesn't have to suck. The reason that this pain feels bad is that she has decided that it feels bad. Pain is a natural experience for the body.
Make the pain positive and submissive instead of defensive and deflective. Go through it instead of pretending it isn't happening or hurting.
I was starting out light with her, doing impact play – floggers, canes, whips….blindfolds, bondage, etc.
Me, being a sadist, a person who gets a sexual pleasure from causing others pain, punishment, or humiliation, I had to hold myself back a bit but I didn't mind. I'm teaching her. And I love to teach.
She would eventually learn how to process the pain but for now, in the beginning, it is more important to let her feel these new sensations, become familiar with them. What feels good where…what really hurts here…
I taught her about the two kinds of pain in BDSM: Stingy and Thuddy.
The stingy pain is superficial on the top layer of the skin. The sensations will start in one place and spread out over the nerves on your skin. It almost leaves a type of burning sensation. Slaps and spankings are stingy.
Thuddy is down into your muscle and fat layers, deeper down instead of spreading across the skin.
Miss Swan being a small little girl preferred the sting. Thuddy pain hurt her more because there is not a lot of tissue to pad her muscles and hence the more blunt pains would take her out of her headspace.
Also, she likes scratchy things. Rough sandpaper, carpet, claws, knives, nails – rough textures. I tied her up with some coconut rope that is extremely scratchy that I mostly used for punishment but 317 loves it.
If it wasn't for her blood, I would love to needle play, scalpel play, knife play with her…but maybe that would be a future endeavor once I was drinking her blood. This was not for new girls in training.
Also electricity…there are violet wands, cattle prods, little devil, and other toys that give shocks. We had not ventured there yet but I think soon she would do well with it.
317 is in the category of a brat who needs to be tamed, as are many girls here. She definitely loves to wisecrack and taunt her Master. What else I discovered about her is that she loves to write, loves words, loves to communicate. So when I wanted to really punish her, I could gag her, tape her mouth closed, tie those hands up, and take away all her ways to communicate anything. All she would have then are her noises and her eyes. That's very frustrating for her.
There was so much more to teach her and so much more for me to learn about her as well. We were teaching each other and having one Hell of a time.
END OF CHAPTER 19