The wind hit his face as soon as he climbed out of the car despite the sun shining strong overhead. He shifted in his new suit, his white shirt collar was stiff and rubbed his neck, the black tie was a noose around his neck, choking him. His arm was held in place with the sling he wore while out but it felt extra uncomfortable today, same with the brace, he hadn't wanted to wear either of them, his arm and knee were both feeling a lot better, but Robin had told him that he had to, David hadn't been in the mood to bother trying to argue.

"Hey, c'mere." Robin walked to stand in front of David. He adjusted David's tie so it was straightened, he adjusted it a little more even when it was already in place. When he could do it no more he placed his hand on his shoulders and looked him over. For once Robin didn't bother to disguise how worried he was about his son. "If you need to go, we'll go, just say the word and we're out of here."

Regina walked to their side, like Robin and David she was dressed in classic black funeral attire, the only thing adding colour was her dark red lips, also like Robin she was looking worried when her eyes met David's. She reached out and smoothed down David's hair, it still curled slightly, but smoothing it hadn't been her main intent, she had just needed to reach out to him. "Any time." She backed her husband up, her eyes flickered to Robin then back to David. "Even if it's right in the middle of the service, don't worry about what anyone else might think, just tell us and we'll go."

"Thanks." David's voice came out a little gruff and he cleared it. Then nodded, telling them that he was ready.

They headed from the parking lot into one of several churches in the town. David supposed that it was fitting that Ruth was buried in her hometown, though for all he knew she had hated it, he hadn't ever mentioned Storybrooke after all, though James was going to be buried in a town he had never stepped foot in, David wondered what he would have thought of it, if he would have hated it, it was the town Robert had come from too, after all.

David hadn't been in a whole lot of churches in his life, he thought he remembered going to one at Christmas when he was very small, with a friend or a neighbour, they had been given an orange with a candle stuck out the top and sang songs David didn't know. Theoretically Robert was Catholic, but David didn't think he really was, he doubted that the Catholic Church would want to be associated with Robert if they knew him.
This church looked like many he had seen in tv shows or movies (though most of those had included shootouts, and so far there was no sign), there were stained glass windows lining the walls, religious iconography, statues, he felt so out of place here.

He stuck close to Regina and Robin as they walked down the worn burgundy carpeted aisle to the pews near the front on the left side. Spread among the pews were orders of service, a photograph on the front showed Ruth and James, when James was a very small baby. Robin stood aside to let David and Regina in first.

David sat on the pew holding the order of service in his hand but didn't look at it. Instead he looked around the church. The place was full of people, some older people looking particularly sad, most of this group had grey hair, but were talking to members who were clearly their family with the same brown hair as Ruth or the same blonde as Mal.
Other people in the church were around Ruth or his dad's age looking sad but when they thought none of the actual grievers were looking they were clearly gossiping, probably taking bets over how they thought Ruth had died, they had probably gone to school with her. There were some kids around James' age, a couple looked familiar, he was fairly certain they had been James' friend, when they had lived in the town nearby, some had younger siblings David had gone on playdates with.

A sudden chill shook his bones, he felt as though he was being watched. He scanned the church quickly, he wasn't sure if it was just his imagination that Robert had come here, or if he was really here. If he had finally found them. He wasn't here. He couldn't be here. Ruth would kill David if after all this time he had carelessly let Robert find him.

A hand clapped down onto his shoulder, he jumped but looked to the direction it came from, Robin's hand was reaching across Regina's shoulders to squeeze his shoulder.

Robin followed David's sight around the room, trying to catch sight of whatever it was David was searching for.

Regina was staring at David. "Are you okay?" She asked quietly, she resisted looking around the same as Robin was, ready to protect David, if need be.

"Yeah," David let out a slow breath. "Sorry, I was just seeing if I recognised anyone." He looked down at the order of service in his hands, pretending to read it, in his head forcing himself to calm down, Robert wasn't here.

Regina had looked down at her own copy of the order of service mere seconds after David had, assured that he really was okay, or as okay as he could be in a situation like this. She was looking through the leaflet, searching for a photograph of David but there were no recent ones of Ruth, and one of a teenage boy, presumably James, but no sign of David. She looked to Robin, to see if he had noticed no hint of David in the booklet, but he was staring at the front of the church, at Mal. She slid her hand into his, forcing him to unclench the fist he had formed.
He looked at her guiltily, she didn't know what for, whether it was him still feeling guilty about his hookup with Mal (despite the two of them not being together at the time), or if it was whatever he had been thinking. She squeezed his hand, she didn't blame him for thinking bad things about Mal, not in the slightest.

Robin brought Regina's hand to his mouth then kissed it. He didn't know if a display of loving affection was appropriate in this circumstance, not in a church at a funeral, not when he was already feeling like he had stolen David from Ruth, but he couldn't bring himself to care. His eyes trailed past her brown eyes to his son's face.

Regina followed him in looking at David. She watched him staring at Mal, watched her ignore him, watched his face fall without him even realising it, watched him staring down at his shoes instead. She let the order of service rest in her lap as she reached over and squeezed David's hand, gentler than she had to Robin, until he looked up to meet her eyes. He gave her a small smile and squeezed her hand back, assuring her that he was okay, she let go of his hand and watched him for a few seconds flicking through the order of service before she began to stare at Mallory herself.

David stared at the photograph of his brother staring up at him with that easy smirk like smile David had always copied but never quite perfected the lupine confidence. The photograph was taken at Christmas time, months ago, James stood in snow blanketed Chicago, a german style Christmas village behind him. David had taken the photograph which was the only reason why he knew it was from James' facebook, the facebook that Ruth would have killed James for making, had she known. Mal must have searched for it, it wouldn't have been hard, James had put his real name on it and made it public, he had punched David when David had worried about him being so traceable, David had sometimes wondered if James had wanted to see Robert again. Mal must have searched for it, his brother's photograph, his cousin's photograph.

He sat there in silence, barely listening as the service began. Everyone sat down, the minister or bishop or priest or whatever he was stood at the altar and began to speak. David stopped listening after minutes.

He wasn't talking about Ruth or James, not really, nothing real about them, just how it was so 'sad' losing two people 'so young', like he was reading from a script. He probably was.

Instead he zoned out, staring at the first page of the order of service, but all the words had blurred together. Everyone in the church chanted 'Amen', he didn't copy. He stood when everyone else did though, he could hear some song being sung, he stared at the blurry words on the page, they must have been the lyrics. He didn't even pretend to open his mouth. It didn't matter. The church fell silent after a second or an hour, he couldn't tell any longer. He was pulled back down onto the pew by Robin, he must have switched seats with Regina to sit next to him, his hand went to David's back as soon as they sat down. David didn't look over at him, but he could feel himself becoming more grounded, Robin's hand grounding him in this church, even if he wished he wasn't there. The man's voice began to rumble around the church again.

There was silence again. A rustling which forced David to actually look up from his shiny shoes again.

Mal took to the podium at the front, notes were in front of her, folded and slightly crumpled plain white paper. She was looking towards him, she met his eyes, she looked away. She began to deliver her eulogy. She spoke about her parents, Ruth's parents, they had a supposedly famous clothing store in Storybrooke where she and Ruth had practically grown up in. Ruth was a few years older than Mal, she had been popular in school, kind, funny, smart, Mal had idolised her. She talked about how much she loved James, how they had loved to go to Storybrooke park with him when he was still so young, the lake they would eat sandwiches next to when Mal would visit her during college. How Ruth would bake the best pies known to man.

David remembered those pies. When his mom was in her good moods, her balanced ones, her mom ones, she would bake pies. Sometimes, mostly when Robert wasn't there, they would have a pie day, a different pie for each meal, and a different one for each dessert. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep a down inward.

She said how Ruth was a good mom, again, she was. She was?... Wasn't she?

He felt a hand on his wrist again, this time Robin's, a much tighter hold than Regina had. He was squeezing it, forcing his fingers to straighten, he looked down at his hand. Robin twisted their hands slowly so that David could see the bleeding crescents his fingernails had cut into his palms. He hadn't even noticed. He forced his hand to relax in Robin's grip before he would look up and meet his father's eyes. The worry in Robin's face was clear, David tried to look confident, that he hadn't meant to do it, that he was fine. But his sea blue eyes were sparkling before silently spilling over, his teeth bit into his bottom lip so hard that he tasted something metallic, blood. Robin let go of his hand and he could feel himself drowning. Then his arm was around David's shoulder, pulling him into his side, a liferaft.

Mal had finished by saying that James had been very popular in school, a keen student, an athlete, none of that was really true. His brother had liked reading, but only in secret, only in front of David. His brother had found the bad crowds in whichever school they were moved to; his brother skipped class and drank, the only signs of his athleticism was him running away from cops.

Mallory did not know James. Mallory did not know Ruth. She did not know the family he had grown up with. She said that they were in a better place now, David wasn't so sure of that, he knew that he was in a better place now though, which only formed a boulder of guilt in his heart.

Mallory did not mention him.

In this narrative, her narrative, he hadn't existed in Ruth and James' life.

He didn't exist in Mallory life either.

Where did that leave him?

Robin watched as Mallory walked back to her pew, clearly trying not to cry, Robin tightened his hold on his son's shoulders. He hushed the part of him who had been Mallory's best friend once, the part which wanted to comfort her, and tightened the side hug he had David caught in instead. She hadn't even hinted that Ruth had two sons, not just James. She acted like David hadn't existed, the same as Robert hadn't been mentioned, as though they were of the same level. She had disowned David, but here in front of everyone she hadn't allowed Ruth to claim him either, effectively orphaning him. He couldn't imagine his mother having done that to him when he was a teenager, or at any age.

Mal was followed by an elderly aunt, the one Mal used to stay with in the summers, apparently she had been close to Ruth. Her short speech was a little closer to what Robin knew of Ruth; she had been a 'troubled wild child with a heart of gold', she finished with a poem but Robin couldn't focus on her words, he was too busy watching David. His heart was breaking for David, he felt Regina take his hand again and when he turned his head towards his wife he could tell that her heart was breaking for David too.

The three Locksleys followed the coffins out, they were being carried by some distant cousins of Ruth's, or some people Mal had hired, David honestly didn't know.

They were lowered by some mechanism into two holes in the dirt, surrounded by other thirty people, at least ten of those were De Vanes, a family neither he nor James had ever been told about, let alone met.

The priest/father/pastor/minister said some words. They echoed in David's head.

"Earth to earth. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust."

He invited Mallory to dump dirt on the polished wooden coffins, she obliged.

The elderly aunt lined up next, but before she could take the shovel Regina walked over and snatched it from Mal's hand.

Regina walked back over to Robin and David, ignoring the shocked silence of the rest of the group gathered to mourn, she held the shovel out to David with a kind smile but steel in her eyes. "Do you need any help?"

David shut his mouth, swallowed, shook his head, then took the shovel. His shoulder ached with the weight of the shovel as he heaped soil onto James' name plagued coffin first, then onto Ruth's. He handed the shovel back to Regina without looking at anyone else.

Regina took the shovel back to Mal. The two women locked eyes. There was no hint that these two had once been best friends, and no chance that they would ever be again.

They followed the rest of the cars from the churchyard to the wake, which was being held in the town hall, according to Regina (who was the only one who talked during their short drive) it was one of the few places in the town where a wake could be held, at least which would suit Mallory's demands.

The place had been done up, clearly, it was pristine, white and David couldn't imagine James being impressed that this was his funeral. He didn't think he knew his mom as well as he once had, he didn't think she would have liked this, but perhaps she would have. How the hell should he know.

Regina led the way to a table which only had a couple of people sitting around it, ones who didn't seem to be particularly close to Mal at the funeral, but who also didn't seem like they were going to pry too much. Three adults bore a little resemblance to both David and Mallory, relatives then. They introduced themselves, Ruth and Mallory's two aunts and cousin, on their dad's side, another had been a mom and son- friends of Ruth and 'the boys', someone who actually remembered David then, Regia couldn't help but feel a little relieved. Regina introduced herself and her boys followed suit, none of them told them how they knew Ruth and James.

The boy looked familiar, David thought. It had been a long time, it had been years, another life, for David at least. The mom looked a little familiar, once she had figured out who he was she looked relieved, as though reassuring herself that David did exist, after no mention or sign of him at the funeral.

David didn't talk. The room was full of quiet talking, some laughing, mostly from the younger group who he was fairly certain had gone to elementary school with James, but David was quiet. Regina and Robin kept the conversation going, Regina mostly, and didn't pressure him to talk. He said a quiet thank you to Robin when he brought him over an ice cold glass of coke from the makeshift bar, and mumbled a promise to Regina that he would try to eat when she brought him over a plate of food from the buffet table.

He knew it was a cliche but he felt as though he was stuck in a nightmare, like he didn't exist: The worst part was that he kept catching himself watching Mallory, the worst part was that he had to force himself to look away, the worst part was he was staring again within seconds, the worst part was that small child like part of him which hoped she'd change her mind and suddenly want him, the worst part was she didn't.

Eventually it all got to be too much. He was choking. He couldn't breathe. He was desperate to make sure that no one caught on: Robin and Regina had taken the day off of work for him or from working from home in Robin's case, they had bought him a suit, a tie, shoes, made sure his hair was as neat as it had ever been, Robin had left cologne on his dresser for him and it didn't look cheap, they had both done so much already, he didn't want to worry them.

He excused himself, he thought that Robin looked like he was going to catch on, but David hid his shaking hand and told them he was going to the restroom, he watched Regina squeezing Robin's hand and the man relented.

There were more corridors with little turnings than David had noticed on his way into the large room the wake was being held in. He made it to the hallway outside the small bathrooms before he crumpled against the wall. The anxiety attack catching him like a rip current.

He tugged his tie looser, undid not one but two buttons, as he gasped for air. It took him minutes of panic to remember some of the exercises Archie had been teaching him. He tried to take in all the things he saw: damp wallpaper in the top right corner of the room, the clearly fake plant beneath it, drawings and paintings of an old fashioned Storybrooke, all of the frames were cushions in a half inch of dust. All the things he smelt: tea from a nearby room - the english breakfast stuff Robin would drink, cheap lemon scented bathroom cleaner which smelt so strongly of chemicals and fake lemons that it burnt his nose, the smell of the cologne spritz on him. All the things he felt: his shirt soft and new the collar stiff still, the suit blazer awkwardly hung over his skinny frame, the burn in his knee and shoulder from the effort of the day. All the things he heard: The sound of the low music and murmuring of the wake from a few corridors over, the sound of his breathing slowing back to its usual rate, not noticeable until he decided to notice it, the blinking noise of the lightbulb above flickering out due to his stagnance, it blinking back on, the noise of footsteps heading towards him.

Robin, probably, or Regina, one of them having come searching for him after he took too long to reappear.

He slowly raised his head.

It was neither of them.

It was Mallory. Her blonde hair standing out against the black dress, the heavy eyeliner, the dark red lips, everything so dark that he could see her eyes were light blue, a total contrast, the same baby blue colour he knew flecked his own eyes from his self portrait drawings.

Mallory froze when she saw him. She had needed some air, she had been stuck in her head, it was a long time since she had attended the weekly girl scouts meetings in this place but she remembered the way to the toilets like it was just yesterday. She had glanced up and seen Robin, lounging outside of the bathroom, all in black like an old fashioned photograph.
Except it wasn't Robin, it was David, now that she was staring she could see the small differences, the lighter hair, his ever so slightly small ears, the stillness she had never see in Robin, his lounging wasn't really lounging but like he had fallen back against the wall, the way he was so, so sad. Robin had been troubled, sure, but he had never looked as troubled as this, as him…. Otherwise, David could pass as Robin, twenty something years ago.

"Do you hate me?"

At first she wondered if she had spoken before realising this statue version of Robin had spoken. "...I'm sorry?" She fumbled around her words when she realised that she had taken too long to answer.

"Do you hate me?" This time David's voice came out less gravelly, less like he was going to cry, its volume giving him strength. "You gave me to her, instead of to my- to Robin. She knew who he was - that he could have looked after me, that he didn't know that I was alive but if he had, he would have loved me, would have taken care of me." His volume lowered and his voice cracked. "You knew what she was like."

"She loved you." Mallory's voice came out soft yet defensive.

"So does Robin." He shot back without hesitation. "She loved me, yeah, but that didn't make her the right person to raise me." His fight edged back into his voice and he remembered James once telling him it was better to be angry than sad. "So which is it? Did you hate me? Or did you hate Robin?"

"Robin is my-, was my, best friend, since we were kids - your age. I didn't, I don't, hate him." He was different than when she last saw her, stronger. She had to be the same. "I didn't hate you either. I just didn't want kids, I never have, it wasn't you, I just couldn't raise you. I wanted you to have a life full of love. I couldn't give you that.

"Ruth loved me." David's voice was low and dangerous. "But she also loved Robert - who loved beer, and meth, and crack, and when those weren't around he loved to hit us. Me. When we finally ran she thought he was following us every place we went, it took us two years to realise that he wasn't. She had stolen money from him but not enough, we lived in a car most of the time, she preferred to spend more of the money on drink and drugs, just like him. She was crazy."

"She wasn't." The fire in her voice was out of the habit of defending her sister for years. "She was just sick."

"Yeah." The fire in his voice matched his mother's, a fact which made him a little uncomfortable, but he couldn't think about that right now. "And you knew it. She would leave me and James; go out drinking with guys, working the streets- we'd miss school, she'd forget to feed us because she was so hopped up on drugs that she wasn't hungry so didn't remember that we were still there. We missed school because she was so high or manic that she wanted to go on adventures, but me and Jamie were just terrified that she was going to leave us - and those were the good times - the times we could afford the sleazy motels, when she could work as a waitress or in a dive bar, or even just get out of bed. When she wouldn't get mad at me and James for breathing." He shuddered despite himself, the memory of that white hot anger, the shouting, the hits. "... You knew and you left me with her."

For the first time David could see guilt in her eyes. He watched her finally move from her spot and he thought that perhaps she was leaving, instead she leant on the wall opposite him.

"She was pregnant, conceived just several months before I did, a boy."

"William."

Mallory blinked, the only sign that she was surprised that he knew, then she nodded. "She lost him, Robert was away, he was down in South America somewhere, doing god knows what. She was so… so broken, I didn't know what she was going to do. I thought she might hurt herself, she might… I couldn't lose her. She already knew about me. I told her she could be your mother. I had been planning on putting you up for adoption, finding you a home, somewhere which wasn't in this small town, maybe in the city where you could go to the best schools and be immersed in culture, or… or maybe telling Robin about you, making him decide. But Ruthie was such a good mom to James, she really was, all she wanted was a big family, another baby. She said yes to you straight away. I rethought about it a few times, when she had brief manic or depressive episodes, I told her she had to get help, get on medication and become stable, or I'd never even let her meet you. But she did. She got on medication, stuck to a routine, healthy eating and exercise, no alcohol, the whole shebang. It worked. I made sure it worked, that she was okay. After I handed you over she called me a few times… I couldn't cope hearing about you, it hurt too much, but she had no one else to talk to, and she just loved you so much… It made me feel a little better, knowing that, knowing that she was still doing good, and so were you. The last time I saw her, before that night she ran, she was like she had been when we were younger. She was good, happy, things with Robert weren't good, it worried me even though she told me not to." She swallowed and said the words out loud she had never said before. "I thought about taking you, insisting she leave or I would just take you and she would never get to see you again… But you were two, you were clinging to her, I was practically a stranger to you, I couldn't take you from her."

David's anger deflated. He felt hopeless as he slumped back against the cold wall. "You weren't doing the best for me, you can tell yourself that all you like but you weren't, you were doing it for her."

"She's my sister." Longing and desperation was soaked into that word, as though it explained everything, made it all okay.

"You were my mom. That's all I ever wanted, my whole life, a proper mom." He let out an empty, heartless laugh. "Someone who was there, who took me to school, who made me do my homework every night even if I didn't want to do it. Someone who would notice when I didn't come home for days. Who would bake cookies, make sure I had school lunches, who would make sure I saw a doctor when I was sick."
Tears spilled from David's eyes but he didn't bother to wipe them away or hide his crying, she wasn't worth his fronting. "I just wanted a mom, she loved me... but sometimes that's just not enough."

Mal's voice came out so quiet that she could only hope David would hear her. "I couldn't be it. I'm sorry David, I really am, but I just couldn't."

"I would have settled for having a dad." All the fight in David was completely gone. David had broken. Again. Tears were freely falling from his eyes and he did not care. "I would have settled for having a dad if it was Robin."

Silence fell upon the corridor. David could hear all those noises which had grounded him before, during his anxiety attack, keeping him grounded again, just.

"I am sorry, David." Mallory said finally, her voice still soft.

David didn't say anything. He couldn't accept her apology. He couldn't forgive and forget. Perhaps one day, when he was older, when everything wasn't so raw, but not now.

"I hoped that you would be like him. Your dad. That you'd be more like him than me. You look like him, and from what Robin's shouted at me you're like him in other ways too: That you're brave, and kind, and so very smart. He's so proud of you. I am too."

David just continued to stare down at his shiny black shoes, he felt sick, he wanted to tell her that she didn't get to be proud of him, wanted to demand to know why she hadn't mentioned him as Ruth's son if she wasn't ashamed of him being part of her story.

"David," her voice was begging now, "I really am sorry-." She cut herself off.

David shook his head as she said his name, still not looking up at her, unable to move for fear of vomiting. He didn't know what had cut her off until he felt a hand on his upper arm, he jumped anyway, but managed to look up, feeling less sick now that he was not alone in this small abandoned corridor with the stranger who was his mother: Regina was there.

Regina was turned towards David, her eyes examining his face and frowning at what she saw. "We got worried about you." She drew her eyes away from David's pale face to Mal's pale one, her words were still for David though. "Is everything okay here?" She could see the teenager nod in her peripheral vision.

David rubbed the tears from his cheeks with the butt of his palm. "Can we go home?"

Regina didn't hesitate. "Of course. I'll text Robin to meet us at the car." She moved her hand from his arm to his back to help him stand upright, it was also an excuse to keep him close. She spared a look back at Mallory de Vane who was staring at the two of them. "Mallory." She said in a curt farewell, before leading her stepson away.