Chapter 30 -
Edward's POV:
The more I saw in Charlie's brain the more I hated him. He seemed pretty amiable in the music school today and I almost liked him. But then I got a peek at his life, Bella's life. He drank for the whole year after Bella's mother died. And he hit Bella more than once during that time. At one point she had a black eye. I wanted to rip his head off right then. Later, I saw he tried going to AA and he got better but he still had three beers tonight after dinner. No wonder Bella was so nervous as he drank them.
Why did she never tell me this ?
Then I saw Bella's face when she found out her mother had died by her own hand. It did things to me I can't even describe. She was forever changed from that point and Charlie was not there for her at all. Every contact with Bella was a reminder of his wife and how he had ruined her life. The guilt of it drove him to alcohol and even drugs a few times. He nearly lost his job several times but the other cops were his buddies and covered for him.
He tried to control Bella but being drunk all the time and working a full-time job made that impossible. She rebelled and did lots of things. She started shoplifting, then she began to break into people's houses with her friends. She drank and did drugs too. She did not try to get away with it. She WANTED to get caught to get Charlie's attention. It worked but it was only temporary and it was the attention of a drunk with a hand problem.
I saw other things. Charlie fucking prostitutes in the jail. Nasty. Yea, I'm the one to judge sexual relationships. Not.
I enjoyed watching his life when Bella was a baby. Even taking her first steps, Bella was clumsy and fell a lot. That made me smile. Things were nice then, it seemed. I liked Bella's mother very much. She WAS a great mother. She's the reason Bella is so wonderful. I could see a lot of Bella's mother in her personality.
I hated the memories of Charlie with teenage Bella. He almost came to hate her as she got more and more out of control, as if that was her fault. He was embarrassed by her antics, the other cops started talking about her and word spread that she was messed up. But no one discussed Charlie and how messed up HE was. Typical. Small towns.
He tried to force her to behave, even putting her in a jail cell for a couple days, ignoring her as she cried and begged him to let her out. He put his headphones on and drank vodka from his coffee cup, tuning her out.
Then came the whole ordeal about Bella killing that girl, Jenna. She was a large bully of a girl and taunted Bella for years. Then she made the fatal mistake of mocking her dead mother. Bella snapped and stabbed her three times. I could see the pictures and the police report Charlie saw back then.
Poor Bella. Charlie treated her like a criminal instead of a child who finally broke under the immense weight of everything stacked upon her. Her pain had come out of her that day…Bella was stabbing not only Jenna but her mother, her father…herself. She lashed out in her fury…and to her credit, it was only three stabs, not 65, like most people who have a psychotic break. That's how "wrong" Bella is. Even in this horrible moment, she stopped immediately and got control of herself. But it was three moments too late.
I watched Charlie orchestrate the entire cover up after, hiding everything Bella had done, getting her off any charges, planting evidence that pointed to a man named Dennis Gunther, a known child molester in Forks. He was sitting in prison now, serving Bella's sentence. Life.
Then came the terrible little episode when he had her committed. Her screams when they took her away will haunt me for a long time. But he just stood there, letting it happen, to protect his precious little reputation in the community. Maybe he DID think he was doing her a favor, getting her help…but mostly he was glad she was gone, out of his house.
When I was finished watching Bella's birth, I went back a bit more, seeing Charlie's teenage years. Boring. He was a goofy thing, a kid who masturbated all the time and looked at playboy magazines. He was too scared to talk to girls and he fancied himself an upcoming rock star. But he never had a band, he just played with a guitar his parents gave him for Christmas one year. It wasn't until he met Bella's mother that he finally worked up the nerve to ask for a date. She was working at the bank where he would cash his paycheck. The rest is history.
By the time I was finished with Charlie's brain I really wanted to hurt him. It took all I had to make myself send him to bed and leave him there, sleeping peacefully. If Bella had not been there, I would have done something to him. The one thing that stopped me was, Bella still loved the bastard, even after all he'd done to her. I found that sad. I wished I could erase Charlie out of HER mind. And her heart.
"Yo te quiero mucho.", I breathed into Bella's ear that night, telling her how much I wanted her. She loved it when I spoke Spanish THIS way.
We were in the bed she sat in during training sessions to write in her journal. It wasn't often we used the bed for sex but tonight I just felt like it. She was only wearing her light pink bra and matching panties now and I was taking my time driving her crazy. I would not remove the underwear until she begged me. But I kept licking around the edges of the bra…and biting over the material of it where the nipples were hiding. Then I licked and licked her clit through her panties. They were nice and wet now, and she was writhing around under me, wanting me to rip the cotton garments off and take her.
I was completely naked and I laughed as she tightened her grip on the bars of the headboard, as I told her to. She was not allowed to let go as I raised her up by the waist and planted soft kisses across her torso.
"Ohhh Godddd", she whimpered, loving it when I spoke to her in other languages during sex.
She didn't understand everything I said but it was all about the tone…the sound of my voice.
"Quiero morder ese culito", I said in a low, deep voice as she breathed heavier, moving around underneath me, grinding her pelvis into mine as I kept torturing her, holding her face to the side and slowly licking her neck as she moaned and curled her legs around mine.
I had just told her how much I wanted to bite her little ass. She has no idea what I said. This is fun.
"Si.", she answered, not knowing what the hell she was saying yes to. Brat.
"Si.", I repeated, my hand encircling her neck and squeezing slightly as I opened my mouth and took her mouth into mine, her sweet voice mewling helplessly in my clutches.
"Mi cuerpo arde por ti.", I kept speaking to her, my sounds speaking my lust as I played with her.
"Oh please…", she began to beg, softly.
"Me quieres ?",I asked her if she wanted me, letting go of her neck and placing my hand over her mouth as I slid my other hand into those panties, her muffled cry enticing me further.
Slowly I dragged my fingers up and down her thirsty clit as she opened her legs so wide I thought she'd hurt herself. She lifted her ass up, bringing that clit closer to me as I made soft circles in her hot wetness.
"Tan mojada", I said, my voice filled with need, saying 'So wet…'
I still kept the panties on her as she heaved breaths out, loving my voice and my fingers right now. The ivories are not the only thing my fingers can tickle. See how gay I am, Pops.
"Oh please, fuck me Master…fuck me…", she pleaded, a lock of her hair falling over one eye.
Language. Bad girl.
"No quiero todavía.", I inserted a finger inside her as she screamed, telling her no…I didn't want to yet. I adored teasing her.
"Please…", she groveled now, "Come on…"
I smiled wider and began to chew on her bra strap. I would make her insane before I took these off her.
I rolled her sideways and began to run my fingernails down her left ass cheek as she sniveled with want.
A small slap there put her in line…for a second.
For my own sick fun, I started to sexily say things in Spanish that made no sense.
"Vienen las ranas.", I said as I pulled on her bra cup with my teeth, moving it down only a bit as she moaned with desire.
I just told her the frogs are coming. I nearly laughed out loud.
Then Tank jumped in between us, laying on Bella's half naked breasts, his bugged out eyes staring at me.
"Who invited you ?!", I said to him, compelling him to go as he moved out of my way, "This is no menage-a-trios."
I eventually broke down and tore those fucking underwear off, ravaging her like an animal. Six times I fucked her before she passed out in my arms. It was marvelous.
Bella wanted to talk to Charlie alone the next day. I didn't like her being alone with him but she assured me she'd be alright. I convinced her to talk to him outside near the lake. I could be close by in case she needed me. I was out of sight but I could hear them. If he dared to raise a hand to her I'd be there before he could even swing. And then his ass would be mine.
"You've been real nice this weekend.", she began, sitting on a bench with him at her side. She was watching the empty lake as if something very interesting was out there.
Charlie frowned a bit.
"I've missed you, Bella.", he used my name now and not Bells.
"I've had a lot of time to think.", he said, looking down, his hands in his pockets, as if he was cold, "I…I…I said a lot of things. I was very upset…afraid for YOU, after the whole Jenna thing…"
The whole Jenna thing.
"The whole Jenna thing – ", she said coldly, thinking the same as I was, "You mean, her murder ?"
He stiffened instantly, looking at her with bewildered eyes.
"Don't call it that, Bella.", he almost pleaded quietly, "It wasn't that. You snapped, that's not murder."
"I killed her.", she stated without emotion, "Don't act like I just had a little tantrum. Say it."
"I don't like this, Bella.", he tried to stand up, avoiding her.
She didn't move. She would not be deterred. I like this Bella. She's much stronger now with him than I saw in Charlie's memories. I was proud of her.
"You said you couldn't forgive me for this.", she reminded.
He looked at her but remained standing, looking out at the lake too now.
Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair, saying, "I know."
She looked at the lake too, calmly.
"And you still don't forgive me.", she stated.
He looked torn. And his hesitation was pissing me off. I hated it that Bella wanted his forgiveness so much. He wasn't begging HER for forgiveness for hurting her all those times. He should be on his KNEES.
"Bella…", he took a breath, "I'm trying. I'm seeing a therapist…"
I nearly laughed from where I was, perched on a high tree branch in the forest.
Bella actually DID laugh…and I smiled, liking how similarly we reacted.
"Don't laugh, Bella.", he frowned more at her, "You're doing therapy, and it looks like it's helping…"
"Therapy isn't doing SHIT for me, CHARLIE.", she called him, "And you can go to therapy for a hundred years, it won't change what you've done to me…and Mom."
"Oh, here we go again !", Charlie got a little loud now and I felt my body curl up, getting ready to spring.
"I didn't kill your MOM !", he shouted, "I did the BEST I could to make her happy ! She was NEVER happy no matter what I DID ! Just like YOU !"
Can I leap in and tear his face off now ?
"Yea, just like me.", Bella agreed, her expression looking more angry now, tears shining in her eyes, "And I'm gonna turn out just like her ! Hey, can I have your gun so I can shoot myself in the head too ?"
"SHUT UP !", he growled, his hands balling into fists.
I almost leapt from my branch, how dare he tell her to shut up ?!
Bella stood up and stepped towards him.
"Come on, just tell me how I ruined everything !", she shoved him back with a glare in her eyes, "Tell me. Call me a killer again, DAD !"
Charlie snapped right away, and yelled back at her now.
"YOU ARE A KILLER !", he roared, "YOU KILLED A GIRL ! FOR WHAT ?! BECAUSE SHE WAS PICKING ON YOU ?! I DON'T CARE WHAT IT WAS ABOUT ! THOSE WERE JUST WORDS ! AND I WAS ONLY HANGING ON BY A THREAD ! AND YOU DID THE ONE THING I CAN NEVER GET OVER!"
I wanted to stop him now, interrupt this and get rid of Charlie. But I WANTED him to sever their relationship. Let him speak. He will push her away one last time and then she's all mine and we'll never have to see him again.
Bella didn't say anything. There was a silence now between them.
"I can't take this anymore.", Charlie said, sounding broken, "Your mother hated me. YOU hate me. Don't you think I want to die ? To kill myself and have peace ? But I don't. I stay. Because you need me. And all the time you hate me for it. I'm sorry but I CAN'T forgive what you did. I made it so you didn't have to go to jail…but that's not good enough for you either. I put you in a nice school. But that's not good enough for you. I don't have any more to give. I wish I could let it go and start over fresh with you…but I can't. There IS something wrong with you, Bella. Something deep. I don't know, maybe you DO get it from your mother…it's not your fault…but…"
You fucking unimaginable bastard ! I was done with hearing this shit.
Before I knew I was even there, I was upon him and grabbed his neck, tossing him away from Bella, standing in between them…no…standing in FRONT of her.
Charlie looked confused, wondering why I was here and what my problem was.
"Get away from her.", I said, the threat thick in my voice, my eyes blazing with contempt.
"What are you –", he stammered, not knowing what was going on.
"Mr. Cullen," Bella said softly behind me, "It's okay…"
"No.", I sneered, glancing back at her, then to Charlie again, "You're fucking LUCKY that this girl still loves you, despite all the damage you've done to her! Because she's the ONLY thing keeping you alive right now."
"Who the fuck are you to-", he started to challenge me now…he stepped in closer.
The demon inside me lurched up and WANTED him to come closer. He WANTED to hurt the man, just as I did.
I let my red eyes awaken…and I let him see it. I growled low in my chest, knowing it was no human sound. My fists clenched, ready to strike. The venom pooled in the back of my mouth…begging for a drink. Charlie's blood was nothing special. But it would do.
Charlie froze in his tracks and Bella grabbed my arm from behind me, her voice clearly alarmed now.
"No, Master, don't !", she begged, "Just let him go, he's not worth it !"
She just saved his life again. Fine.
I turned back to burn Charlie with my red eyes and I forced his to stare back at mine, not letting them go.
"You will leave now. You will not come back, ever. You will not contact Bella again. You're done with her.", I commanded, compelling him.
Bella did not object to this. She let my arm go, trusting me now, letting me do it.
He was resisting me. His body struggled a bit and his brain was trying to block me. At the same time, a part of him wanted this…to be free of her…to end this chapter of his life. Being a father.
But he still fought me…he did love her…he was confused.
"Charlie.", I grabbed his throat, squeezing it, and I forced myself into his mind, furiously shoving away any blocks he tried to place in my way, "You will leave now. You will not come back, ever. You will not contact Bella again. You are DONE with her."
Bella didn't stop me from this, either. I was glad. I had to inflict SOME pain on him, he deserved it for the seven times he had hit Bella in her lifetime. He's damn lucky I'm not doing more. I wanted to. But that would hurt Bella.
He gave a small groan, not wanting to obey me.
"Please no…", he almost wept, "Bells…"
I glanced back at her. She was not feeling sorry for him. Her expression was disgusted at his pleas.
I shook him one last time, my mouth tightening as I increased my power, looking deeper into his mind. He was strong. But I am stronger.
"What do I have to do, make you jump off a bridge ?", I scowled, then repeated one last time, "Charlie Swan…you will leave now. You will NOT come back here, ever. You will not contact Bella again. You are DONE with her."
His eyes began to swim and I knew then that I had pierced through into his psyche. He went blank and simply answered, "Yes."
Finally.
"Yes.", I repeated, wishing I could just pop his head right off his shoulders.
Just a little squeeze of my fingers would do it. It would be easier. But he was Bella's father. I didn't want to be his murderer. Charlie would not cause a rift between Bella and I.
"I'm glad we finally understand each other. Fuck off.", I released him with a little shove.
It was a very gentle shove. He didn't even fall. I think I showed tremendous restraint here. He would leave her alive, unmaimed. I was proud of myself.
He stumbled backwards and I watched as he began to walk away from us. Bella silently let him go. So would I. This time.
He's damn fortunate he didn't try to hit her, I would've certainly crushed him no matter what Bella said.
Bye Daddy.
Later, after he was gone, and Bella had calmed down, I could talk to her about it. I had not left her side since that moment. We were alone now, in the woods, walking, hand in hand. This is the place where she seemed most comfortable to discuss hard things.
I told her that I had seen what Charlie had done to her on those occasions. She put her head down and looked ashamed, as if it was HER fault.
"Why didn't you ever tell me this ?", I asked her, gently, lifting her chin up to look at me.
"I don't know.", she trembled, "I didn't want you to think I was some victim chasing you because of her Daddy issues. I wanted to be strong."
"You ARE strong. And I would never think less of you because of this. I would never think less of you, ever.", I assured her, "You can tell me anything, Bella…anything."
She held me tight and cried into my shirt. I wanted to eat Charlie's eyes out for this. Maybe I still would, after she had forgotten him and moved on.
"I love you.", she breathed into my chest.
I wanted to say it back to her so badly. But instead I held her tighter and kissed the top of her head, smoothing my hands up and down her back.
"He said something is wrong with me.", she muttered, hiding her face in my shirt.
"Fuck him.", I held her upper arms until she was looking at me again, "There is NOTHING wrong with YOU, Bella Swan. You hear me ? Don't you listen to him, DON'T. HE'S the wrong one, in every way. YOU are perfect. Don't you change anything. Are you listening to me, Swan ?"
I watched her face soften and I got her smile. Everything inside me relaxed in that millisecond.
"In this world, there will be people who don't understand you.", I informed, "But then, a couple of people…WILL. That doesn't mean you're WRONG. Let go of the people who don't get you, Swan. They're anchors around your neck. Don't let them drown YOU."
She came back into my arms again, putting her cheek to my unbeating heart. My arms encircled her happily. I wish I could take away this pain. But it was a part of her and to erase it would change her.
"You're the only one who gets ME.", I pointed out, laying my cheek on top of her head, "Am I wrong ?"
"Definitely not.", she said right away, sounding like a smile was on her lips, and she squeezed me tighter.
"We're different.", I stated, "Not most people will like us. But fuck those people. We have each other. I'm alright with that. If I just have you…then that's everything."
"I feel the same way.", she said, going up on her toes to kiss me. We kissed for a long time. And when we finally started to walk again, I could see that she was better, the sadness gone from her eyes. For now.
I was glad, too. Charlie would NEVER hurt her ever again.
What else bothered me was the fact that I DID want Charlie's approval during Thanksgiving dinner, and the next day at the music school. I tried to impress the bastard. I never had to impress a girl's father before, I never had the opportunity to court a girl but in that moment I was in the position of suitor.
And it had worked, for the most part, he liked me. A part of me felt proud and glad that he saw something in me. I tried to read his mind while I played music for him but it was hard to hear, cloudy.
After that, I needed to confront him at the hotel and pry my way in. Like a house door that had a mediocre lock on it. I was able to penetrate his thoughts after a little effort. With Bella, I couldn't make a dent to get into her mind. It was a vault.
Bella was quiet for a few days after Charlie left. I let her be. I tried to keep her mind off him as much as I could.
But in a week or so, she was my Bella again. She didn't seem that devastated by his loss. So we just went on, forgetting him.
But something else was happening inside my own mind. I kept seeing Charlie hitting Bella, sending her across the room with one backhanded swat. Him, shoving her back into the wall, bruising her as he yelled in her face, his drunk breath in her face as she winced.
How am I any better than HIM? I hit Bella almost every day, only with whips and canes, and my hands, lethal objects. I hurt her, too. Then I fuck her. Then she tells me she loves me. And I don't say it back.
I'm WORSE than Charlie ever was. I kept trying to put that out of my head, telling myself that she liked it, that she wants me, that's how our relationship is…nothing seemed to make it seem right now to me.
On another note, I was disappointed that I hadn't found any information about Bella's blood in Charlie's head. But I was still on the case. I did test out a drop of Bella's blood mixed with my venom under a microscope. The two liquids clearly hated one another and battled under my lens, furiously. In seconds, Bella's blood ate away the venom completely. Shit ! I felt stupid for not doing this test before I tasted her blood but I had no idea such a thing existed.
But why was the question. I would keep searching.
December came and with it, Christmas season. Bella kept asking me what I wanted for Christmas and this bothered me. I'm sure in her mind she pictures me snuggling under a wool blanket, sipping hot cocoa and exchanging gifts. That was NOT me. And it never would be.
When I had tasted Bella's blood, there were two whole days that I didn't hear my inner voice, that demon that always lectured me. But then on the third day he was back, more hateful than ever, telling me to dump the bitch with the shit blood. He kept telling me she was behind it all, playing a great game on me. I didn't believe that but it began to make me step back a bit. I still trained her and I was still her Master…but I was pushing her to do darker things with me.
She embraced it, of course, but it still didn't give her enough fear to back away with this Christmas notion of hers. I curtly told her I don't DO Christmas but she wouldn't accept that for an answer. I knew a time was coming where we would have to have a serious talk about the lines and our roles here. I am not her boyfriend and I could never be. It hurt me to realize it but it's true. It's not her fault, she's a young girl, she's supposed to have romantic ideas. But I am not a young girl. I am not a young ANYTHING. I'm older than dust and I don't love. I don't sing Christmas carols and I don't have snowball fights. It was time she understood this.
I kept trying to act like the me I was before she came into my life. I tried. But I always felt like shit doing it to her. She hid the hurt and acted like she was fine but I could see it in her eyes. This keeping her at arms' length was starting to cause her pain, as I knew it would, eventually. It was getting harder and harder for me to do it. It felt wrong to be aloof and distant with her. It hurt me too.
I hoped she would tell me off and break up with me, tell me to leave her alone. She didn't. And she never would.
I understood that she had lost Alice…and now Charlie, not to mention her mother. She wanted some kind of family around her for the holidays. I couldn't be that for her, no matter how much I wanted to be.
Charlie never did call or write or visit again. I was glad. Option 2 is to have him take care of himself and I really didn't want Bella to lose a parent to suicide twice.
Another thing that troubled me since I drank Bella's blood was that now she kept hinting around, wanting to know my past. How I died, how I lived as a human, what my parents were like. I always dodged these questions but she was always back again, asking. Gently. But still asking.
It seems she's trying to pry into MY mind now. It was not a place I wanted her to see. Ever. But how long could I keep her out ?
I still loved playing with Bella and training her. But I forced myself to start spending time with the other girls too, after or before her sessions with me. I sometimes enjoyed the others, sometimes not, but always I missed being with Bella when she wasn't around.
My demon half loved that. He mocked me tirelessly. He hated that she was changing me, making me sad and ashamed of what I was.
I toyed with the notion of making Bella interact with another female slave of mine. Maybe that would get her to see me for what I am. She would not be able to take it and would leave me. But every time I thought of it, I felt ill inside. I would not do that to her, not after all she'd done for me.
My demon voice always told me to send her away or just dump her altogether. But I didn't want to do that. I had become so fond of her. I couldn't see myself without her now.
END OF CHAPTER 30