• Hey you guys, thanks for still hanging with me ! I'm so glad you are liking this so far ! It makes me so happy ! *

Chapter 31 - Nothing

Bella's POV:

Just as I had started to become pretty average in volleyball class, the seasons changed. Now we were playing basketball. And I was the big nerd in class all over again. Volleyball was hard enough to learn but basketball was a whole other beast. It was like Mr. Cullen was speaking Chinese to me as he tried to teach me.

In one class, Mr. Cullen looked like he wanted to cry as I asked him for the third time what he said and what it meant. He threw his whistle across the room and laid his face against the wall for five minutes.

Everyone, Alice included, laughed at that one. I nearly did too. But she still didn't approach me or even say hello to me. And I didn't try to greet her, either. I wondered if Mr. Cullen compelled her to stay away from me in his session with her that last time. Either way, that was fine.

I was still doing my archery with Mr. Cullen at 3pm after school and I loved it. I was getting pretty good at it too! Mr. Cullen said this was definitely my sport, not just a fluke, and he kept helping me improve more every day. It felt good to be good at something athletic.

The weather grew colder and we would get a little dusting of snow now and then. Nothing too heavy. I kept asking Master what he was doing for Christmas. He would roll his eyes and say, "Nothing."

That sounded so sad to me. I offered to hang with him that day but he avoided that idea. It hurt me more than I admitted. I wanted to get him a nice gift and I even started working a little at the school store on Sundays for a few hours to make a little money. He told me, "No gift required.", in a very distant voice.

I guess that also meant he was not going to give me anything. I didn't WANT anything but his time. He did give me his time, like always, but at 10pm he always ended our training. And now only Saturdays, no Sundays anymore. I cried silently in my room, hoping he couldn't hear me somewhere. If he did, he never said anything about it. I felt like he was getting tired of me and sick of searching for answers about my blood. Maybe he's given up on finding the cure. And he doesn't want me anymore. I knew it would happen.

Even our play was changing a bit. He was always a mean character now, more than usual. I felt like I was losing him, slowly.

I kept trying to sneak in questions about his past, his mother…I wished he would trust me enough to let me in and share some things with me. But he didn't. Yet. I told myself to keep trying. Eventually, he would open up to me and we could be closer. I hoped. I wanted to know him better, as he knew me.

I often wondered if he saw something of me in Charlie's mind that freaked him out or something because he was acting funny ever since he looked through Charlie's thoughts. I was too afraid to ask him about it though.

It was a Saturday about a week before Christmas.

I was laying naked in a very shallow rectangular hole, only a few inches into the dirt. I laid on my back against hard rocks and right upon me was a very heavy gate, small square holes in between black steel.

It was resting on my body and held tighter down by two steel beams going across it, padlocked into place by Master. I had been here for awhile, and it was freezing cold here. I hadn't been here before, in this place. It was so dark with only one source of light coming from my right and above. A long tunnel going upwards was there, high in the ceiling where I could never reach it. But Master could jump in and out effortlessly. Even if I got out of this gate thing, I could never get up there and crawl out.

My hands were free and so were my feet but I was trapped well in this thing. And before he left me here, he had poured buckets of ice water upon me. My hair was wet and I was shivering, my teeth chattering as I tried to be quiet. I tried concentrating on my Spanish, I tried working on my synonyms and antonyms…but I couldn't think of anything. Anything but him. And the horrible cold. I could see my breath in the air as I exhaled and I held on, waiting for him to come back.

My breasts were poking out of the squares, the metal pressing between them as I realized I couldn't even move my feet to a better position. They were poking out of the squares also, stuck.

My stomach began to growl and I told it to shut up. I wanted to be good for him, perfect. Maybe then he would like me again. A tear filled my eye as I thought of how it was between us before…he had begun to be so sweet to me…and after I helped him get better that horrible night, he was even more kind to me. But something had happened since then. But I told myself to keep doing my best and win back his approval.

My nose was poking out of the square, my lips open and held down by the metal. I couldn't even turn my head with this thing on me. I acted at the time like it was no big deal when he told me to lay down there…but I hated it in here. It felt like a grave. A grave no one ever visited and would never visit.

His expression as he put the gate on me was also a cold one, no concern, no asking me what my pain was. He just said, "Get in 317. Lay down. Be silent."

After he locked me in and threw the water on me, he left without a word. He just leapt up and climbed out of the tunnel in the high ceiling. Everything around me was rock and concrete. I even thought I heard the sounds of rats nearby. That made me cry a little but I held it in. I kept waiting.

Suddenly, I heard a girl scream up in the distance. And faintly I could hear Master's voice, not making out what was said. Is he working on another girl up there while I'm down here ?

"Yes, Master.", I clearly heard a girl's voice say.

Then I could hear a whip striking flesh, over and over again…no pauses in between each blow. I couldn't hear her screaming or complaining at all.

This was worse than any ice water he could throw on me.

I couldn't fall asleep here and it felt like hours went by as I waited. I almost felt like my skin was going numb. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. But I stayed silent.

I listened to everything I could hear up there. I was so glad not to hear any moaning or sexual sounds going on there. That would've killed me. It got silent again.

I heard him before I saw him. His legs landed on the rock floor with a light thud. He had something in his hands, and a spoon mixing it up. Oh, a bowl.

He walked towards me, stepping down a small step to stand on the gate that was already pressing upon me. Both of his feet stood on it and me.

I let out a small groan as it now pressed INTO my body and skin, the ice cold metal making my already cold body worse. His weight was significant and it did hurt badly.

He waited to see if I was going to complain or scream and I didn't. I just waited, wincing, holding in my breath.

He kept standing there on the gate, mixing something with the spoon.

"You're going to eat now, 317 .", he stated coldly, his eyes as frosty as the air. He looked like it was a bother to be here with me. A chore.

I tried to nod but couldn't. I tried to speak but my voice was weak and raspy. I had to clear my throat twice to croak out, "Yes, Master."

He stepped off the gate and gave me that relief as I gave a deep huff of a groan, able to breathe better now.

His feet walked around near my head, where the openings in the gate were near my mouth.

"Open your mouth.", he ordered calmly, not looking at me very closely.

I opened my mouth but it wasn't near an opening.

"Lift your head…", he said with a bit of annoyance, "No, turn it…to the right."

He sighed as I tried to do what he wanted but it was hurting my neck and head to try this.

"Okay…there.", he finally said as I raised my head back and had my mouth open right in the opening of a square, "Keep it there."

It was painful to keep my head and mouth like this but I did it anyway.

"Wide open.", he glanced at me, "That's right."

No smile, no warmth. He sat on the gate now, upon my chest as a little moan tore out of my mouth before I could stop it. He ignored that.

He had a big soup spoon and got a big helping of whatever it was inside it. He stuck it in between the metal slats and shoved the spoon deep into my opened mouth.

"UGGHH", I wretched and jerked as the stuff sat in my mouth. It was fucking AWFUL !

"I knew you'd bitch.", he shook his head, scowling, gathering up more into the spoon.

"No, Master.", I lied, swallowing it. It had chunks of something in it and was cold and liquidy, chewy…and tasted like vomit.

"I like it.", I lied, hoping if I pretended to like it, maybe I would.

"I don't care.", he said, delivering another huge bite of the slop, some of it missing my mouth and landing on my nose and chin.

He looked angry that I was making a mess and he told me to lick it off my own face. I tried but I know I didn't get it all.

Bite after bite he fed me this sludge. It was milky…maybe it was cottage cheese ? I never had that before I hated the looks of it…and vegetables mixed in ? Corn or peas ? This was just the worst ! But I choked it down and behaved myself, trying to look grateful that I was being fed.

A couple of times I gagged and choked a little at the angle I was laying in it was hard to chew or swallow. But he kept bringing spoonful after spoonful, not concerned with me at all.

"Tongue out.", he said after giving me the last bite of the stuff in the bowl.

"Lick the bowl.", he ordered, placing it to my mouth. I stretched my tongue out and kept moving it, unable to see anything…until he was satisfied. He took it away at last. My tongue was sore now.

"Open.", he sighed, putting something else to my lips.

It was a water bottle and he kept pouring mouthfuls of water into my opened mouth. Some of them too much water at once. I coughed and choked…but recovered and kept taking it until the water was gone.

I panted, the cold water in my body making the cold ON my body even worse. I shivered hard and hoped he would see that. My hair felt hard now. Maybe he would do something to me that would warm me up. I so wanted him to touch me, play with me…kiss me.

He looked so lovely with no shirt on and the black leather pants, a silver chain going from belt to back pocket. And he was wearing black boots.

His lips were so dark and lush, almost pouting as his ivory skin almost glowed in the darkness, that dark copper hair, looked almost black in this light, so perfectly messed.

He got up and began to walk away from me, going back to the spot where the light shone down from above. He looked up and began to crouch, as if to jump up there but I called to him.

"Master!", I heard my voice plead weakly, "Wait ! Please…don't leave. Master ?"

He set his jaw and put the bowl and spoon down on the ground and turned to me.

"What, 317 ?", he asked as if he had somewhere better to go.

I felt tears come to my eyes and I almost sobbed.

"What's wrong ?", I begged, "Is this a punishment ? Why don't you touch me anymore ?

What did I do ?"

He raised his brows and looked to his right, as if it should be obvious.

"317.", he gave me a very pointed look, "I told you to be silent."

I cried and shivered and he almost turned away again.

"Whatever I did, I'm sorry.", I let go of every shred of dignity I had, "I'll be what you want…I'll do better…"

I hated sounding this way. Pathetic.

"I have other business upstairs.", he informed and he crouched again, leaping up…and disappeared.

I just cried. I wanted to die, and I hoped the cold would freeze me before he got back. Come on, hypothermia.

The cold air was nothing compare to the ice I was feeling in my heart now…he was freezing me from the inside out with his indifference, his disinterest, his back turned to me. I knew when he did this it would hurt…but I had no idea just how excruciating it would be. I would rather burn alive than to feel this.

A long time passed and eventually I stopped shivering and whimpering…I just laid there, numb. I think I even pissed a little but I don't even remember.

Is this what it's like to be one of the forgotten 317? After he got bored and moved on ? It was a dark place to be, mentally AND physically. I began to feel sorry for all those other girls in gym that he had tired of. No wonder they hated me.

What did I do now ? Just not say anything ? Be glad for whatever time he would give me ? Act like everything was okay ?

When he came back and I heard his feet approach me, I didn't even move. I felt paralyzed. I wanted to be.

He began to wordlessly unlock the gate and he carefully lifted the weight of it off my body. I still laid there, staring at the rock ceiling.

Since I wasn't moving on my own, he laid the gate against the wall and came back over to me, roughly lifting me out of the little rock bed and putting me over his shoulder, he walked a few slow steps and leapt up. I didn't even get scared because I was like a shell now…nothing inside. He had lit up every facet of my being and now every light was off, like candles that had burned out or were blown out.

I felt like a haunted house. Empty. Hollow. Lifeless.

We walked down hallways and down staircases…and finally I felt myself being placed down on a mattress. A chain was looped around my neck and a padlock snapped around it, snugly securing it there.

I kept hoping and waiting for him to say something to me, to tell me what I did wrong but he didn't. Was this a punishment ? A game ? I hated it.

It was warmer in here but I could hardly see anything, even him.

"Sleep well, 317.", he said without emotion and left, walking up stairs and closing a heavy door, locking it from the outside.

WHAT ?! No touching, no kiss, nothing.

I laid there like a fucking zombie all night, not moving…just existing until he came back.

Light crept into the room where I was but I hardly looked at anything. I just laid there. A broken fucking thing. A toy that no one wanted to play with anymore.

He began to unlock the door from outside and slowly his footsteps came down towards me.

He looked at me and saw my eyes were open. For a second he stared, maybe thinking I was dead. I blinked and he unfroze, and I felt something land on my body. Something light.

"Put your clothes on.", he said with an indifferent voice.

He unlocked my leash and turned his back to me, waiting as I slowly began to dress myself.

Oh, he doesn't want to watch me dress now ?

When I was dressed, I sat there on the mattress and just waited.

His back stayed to me and he heard that I was still now.

Then he spoke.

"I think we're done, Swan.", he stated coldly, sticking a knife into me with his tone. Not Bella, Not 317…not even Miss Swan…SWAN.

My eyes closed and tears fell out. I dreaded this all night. Well, actually, since I met him.

"Why?", I simply asked, my voice quivery, my eyes too afraid to look up at him.

"There is no cure for your blood.", he said with a finality, "I looked everywhere but it's impossible. Your blood is shit."

Another dagger in the heart.

"And lately," he added, "The scent of it is different. Frankly, it's beginning to repulse me."

I couldn't think of anything to say. I was dying inside, internally bleeding it felt like.

"You're no good to me if I can't feed on you.", he added, "That's all I wanted was your blood. Now that that's no longer an option, I don't have any use for you anymore."

Something in me wanted to hold on. Somehow.

"But you said…", I sniffled, "Maybe we could do that…transfusion thing…"

"Maybe, if you were remotely interesting as a slave, I could've done that.", he stabbed me with his flat voice again, "But you've become…suffocating."

He still had not even turned to look at me while he was killing me inside. Every word was a red hot knife stabbing deep inside me.

"Suffocating ?", I frowned, tears falling down both of my cheeks.

"What are you doing for Christmas ?", he mocked my voice, folding his arms and tilting his head a bit to the left, "What were your parents like ? How did you die ? What can I get you for Christmas ?"

I'd rather have been gutted by bare hands.

"I told you in the beginning.", he said with no warmth at all, "I'm a vampire. I'm your Master, not a fucking boyfriend. You are my property and nothing more. I wanted your blood. If not for that, I wouldn't even have chosen you for this. You're weak, you're slow…you can't even run in a straight line. I have 316 other girls who have real potential that need my attention. You are just a mistake."

I sobbed, feeling my heart being torn out as surely as if he'd stuck his claws in and done it.

I thought maybe he'd be less blunt now that I was bawling. I was wrong.

"I apologize for wasting your time.", he said curtly, "There's a bag here of things you had in the training room."

Then silence. He still did not look at me. His head straightened and he kept staring at the wall in front of him.

I heard a raspy gasp squeak out of my throat as I tried to quiet myself. Suddenly, I hated it that I was crying in his presence.

I made myself stand up and pick up the plastic bag. Right off the top I could see a love note I had once written him…a drawing of him I had put in the corner of his mirror…and other little things that spoke my love to him.

This is what he was giving me to take with me. He didn't want it anymore. He didn't want ME anymore. I repulse him. He probably can't wait until I leave because I smell so bad to him now. Maybe my odor is hurting him now, physically. I couldn't bear to ask about that. Not now.

I put it back down on the floor, not wanting it, either, and made my way to the stairs that would lead me out of here.

But before I started to go up there, I just looked at his back, a black shirt staring back at me. He was like a statue, not moving, waiting for me to exit his life. I wished I could see his face but then I probably couldn't handle the sight of it at the moment.

I wanted to say a lot of things. I wanted to be tough, and curse him out, and tell him to go fuck himself. I wanted to pretend it didn't hurt me, or laugh in his face, insulting him somehow. But I didn't have the strength to do any of that. Only one thing was waiting to be spoken.

And I simply said it. I made myself say it. In case this was the last time I would talk to him.

"I love you…Master.", I said, meaning it in my soul, still…always. The sound of my own voice made me sick…I was pitiful…and weak…just like he said. He gave no reaction or answer. He was so still, not moving in any way, his arms folded, as if he was impatient for this to be over.

I suspected he wasn't even BREATHING. Oh yea, my scent. He wouldn't want to smell it anymore.

I walked up the stairs, holding the rail, praying I didn't fall…but then, it might be wonderful to break my neck now. Quietly, I felt my hand opening the door and leaving, not slamming the door behind me…carefully closing it, without a sound.

It was so cold outside…snowing…I didn't pay attention to it much. I just walked and walked…hearing his words…seeing how little he really cared for me. I believed him…he said he cared. Something in my brain said, "Men. Surprise surprise."

I couldn't be bitter yet. I could just keep remembering how we were…the dance…the games we played…the hot tub…the kisses…the laughter…the way his eyes looked at me…so tenderly, his gentle touch, when he was pleased with me. I even saw Mr. Cullen in the field in gym class, so excited that I hit the bullseye that first day of archery.

You will ALWAYS be mine, his voice said to me, from the past…now it was a blade slowly sliding into me.

My mother once told me how terrible it was the first time your heart is broken. She did NOT prepare me for this. She also said it wasn't the end of the world. And that we could love again. I could not believe that.

An icy wind was blowing all around me but I had no idea where I was or even where the school was…my feet were so tired…oh I forgot my shoes. Who cares ?

My soul was tired…my heart was bleeding, gushing. I fell a couple times…and the more I tried to get back up, the more the wind knocked me back down. Soon, I fell again and I thought…lay down. Stay down. Where are you going ? Back home ? Back to school ? So you could see him in gym class on Monday ? God no.

I felt snow falling on me and I didn't care. I tried to crawl a little through the slush…a small part of me hoping that someday he would change his mind. Maybe I could make him change his mind.

"Bella Swan. "Tonight, I offer you this collar and with it my devotion, protection, and guidance. I will teach you, strengthen you, and help make you into everything that you desire."

His voice was so full of sincerity then. I felt it in my BONES that he meant every word of that vow.

"In return I ask for your loyalty, honesty, and obedience . Do you accept my collar, Bella Swan ?"

I growled in my chest, as if my body missed the beating red muscle that used to be there…and never would be again.

"With all of my heart…Master." I heard myself answer. I was so alive then, so thrilled. I was WANTED.

I had handed my heart to him that night…it was his to crush if he wanted. Another bauble in his collection, uncared for. It was now there, inside his jar of hearts.

Why would my blood do this to me ? I found myself hating the liquid that pulsed in my veins. As if I needed something else to hate myself for.

I lost track of time…I was moving then not moving…then I tried to crawl again…but I was so lost…and all I could see was white. It was so quiet, though, one thing I loved about the snow. It was like there was no one else on earth but me.

Silence. Master's favorite thing. You could hear a pin drop…except for the hissing of the wind, like a snake that was laughing at me, waiting for me to fall and not move again.

I whimpered and crawled some more, my legs getting numb and limp, my arms frostbitten, tingling in pain. I heard something cracking…splintering…I tried to look under me but before I could, I fell, the ground coming out from under me…and I was falling fast in the most chilling fucking water I'd ever felt in my life.

It was painful, like burning and black…so black…I was sinking hard and tried to kick my legs as hard as I could…that didn't do much for me. I clawed at the water and tried to go upwards…it was like I wasn't moving an inch, only downward.

My eyes were open and it felt like they would explode as I tried to see above me. I couldn't see shit. I raised my arms up and reached out but I just hit something hard and solid. I couldn't hold my breath much longer…it was already so difficult.

Panicking, I reached up hard and slammed my arm into something very hard…and my whole arm and shoulder felt shattered in an instant. I opened my mouth and screamed and water was being sucked into my mouth, down my throat…into my lungs. My body felt like electric jolts were zapping inside it…I kept spasming and kicking….and then...there was nothing.

The more nothing I felt…the more I wanted to stay there. Nothing was a wonderful place. It didn't hurt. It didn't break my heart. I felt myself smile and go to sleep.

And I joined the world of nothing. I AM nothing.

END OF CHAPTER 31

Don't kill me – Keep reading. It's not over.