Chapter 6

"Jane, we need help," Lisbon said tiredly from her desk. A secret organization of dirty cops. The agent hadn't been trained for this.

Jane was sitting on her couch drinking tea, acting like nothing hasn't changed. He paused for a moment before taking another sip and looked at her directly over his teacup. "From whom exactly, Lisbon?" Jane asked nonchalantly.

She wrinkled her nose at him annoyed and worried. Not a good combination. "Oh well," she drawled sarcastically, "I don't know. The team maybe?"

Jane sighed deeply and placed his blue teacup on the corner of the table next to the couch then sank back, turning only his head to face her. "I don't think that's a good idea." The sudden edge in his voice surprised her. She sighed deeply. Lisbon opened her mouth but closed it again. Sometimes there was no point in arguing with him when he was in that kind of mood.

Her office door swing opened and Van Pelt stepped into her office with Rigsby and Cho following her footsteps. "You need to tell us what's going on." The agent exclaimed crossing her arms. Lisbon hesitated and looked at Jane who looked at the team one moment before facing her. He averted his eyes and licked his lips, small indicators of his discomfort that were obvious to her but she didn't say anything waiting for his reaction.

"What do you mean, Grace?" He asked casually resting his left hand on the couch back. A flicker of annoyance crossed Van Pelt's face when she heard Jane's question.

"Kirkland kidnapped you yesterday. Why?" Cho asked cutting the chase. Rigsby looked uncomfortable but Lisbon could tell that he wasn't backing down. They wanted the truth and they deserved it.

He shrugged. "I don't know. He didn't say. Maybe we should ask him." Jane replied. Lisbon could feel the tension in the room growing and she wasn't sure how to stop it. Especially when Jane was acting like an ass.

Lisbon opened her mouth but her phone rang before any word came out of her mouth. "Lisbon."

"Agent Lisbon. This is agent Smith. I'm calling you to let you know that agent Kirkland died last night." Smith informed her. Lisbon opened her mouth surprised.

Jane noticed his reaction and stood up immediately coming to her desk. "What? How?" She asked exchanging worried looks with Jane.

"Last night. He tried to escape and they had no choice but to use deadly force. I thought that you should know." Smith answered.

"Thank you for the information, agent Smith," Lisbon said quietly. Too many theories were running in her mind; did someone from the organization kill him? or did he really try to escape?

"You're welcome. Everything for the cooperation between agencies." Smith said before hanging out.

"Kirkland is dead. He tried to escape and they used deadly force." Lisbon informed looking at Jane. A muscle ticked in his jaw and he looked away.

Van Pelt took advantage of their silence. "You guys seemed to be forming your own team while we constantly had to play catch-up. It's not fair. We repeatedly risked our jobs when you'd asked us to." The young agent took a deep breath. "I killed my fiancée because he was a mole. What else do you want from us before you can trust us?" She added quietly. Everybody was quiet. Rigsby took a step closer to Van Pelt and put his hand over her shoulder. The redhead smiled softly at him appreciating his support.

Lisbon felt guilty when she heard the emotion behind her words. It was true. Cho, Rigsby, and Van Pelt have supported them through some of their most difficult times without asking anything in return. Lisbon stood up and looked around the bullpen noticing that everyone was working and no one was close to her office.

Jane who was in deep thought during Van Pelt's words came back when he noticed her movements. "Lisbon." He called her warningly, he already knew what she was going to do next. Frustration took over his tone and there was annoyance in his eyes. She ignored him.

"Kirkland told us that Homeland Security found a secret organization of dirty cops. We can't trust any law enforcement." Lisbon said keeping her tone neutral. Their reaction was instant. Rigsby opened his mouth clearly surprised. Cho's jaw tensed and he crossed his arms and Van Pelt took a sharp breath.

"What?" Rigsby asked in shock, his eyes were wide open and his mouth was haft opened. Van Pelt sat in one of the chairs in front of her desk. Cho checked the bullpen already thinking about possibilities.

"Police, CBI, D.O.J. Strictly high-level. They protect each other with major cover-ups. At least that's what Kirkland said." Lisbon added softly understanding how they felt.

She finally faced Jane. There was a war going on behind his ocean eyes, like waves crashing each other before the storm. Lisbon could tell that he was upset with her but she didn't feel any shame in her actions. Jane sighed in frustration and left her office without a word. Lisbon knew that he was done for the day.

As the agent followed his silhouette, she felt disappointment and anger settling down inside of her. Idle wondered if she would see him again tomorrow or if he would just disappear from her life. Again. Either way, she wouldn't be surprised.

Lately, she wasn't expecting anything from Jane.

Lisbon arrived at her house early. They didn't have new cases and because of that, she finished all her reports so Lisbon didn't have any excuse to stay in the office. Her house was silent and made her face her thoughts.

She took a long shower hoping that the water would take away her troubles (it didn't work) ordered a huge pepperoni pizza and drank one beer. She tried to watch an old movie but it was clear that her attention wasn't there. Eventually, Lisbon noticed the movie credits rolling on her TV and decided that it was a good time to go to bed. The brunette lay awake in bed for almost an hour before a banging on her apartment door started.

She sighed deeply knowing how was behind her door. "What do you want, Jane?" She asked opening the door annoyed.

"Can I come in?" He asked softly looking very unsure of himself. Something very uncommon on him. He never showed his insecurities that openly. Lisbon hesitated for a moment before sighing and opening the door wider, stepping aside to let him into her house. She shut the door behind him. Jane looked at ease in her living room checking her place, probably cataloging the changes from the last time he'd been there. He finally stared at her intently making her nervous.

"I'm really sorry, Lisbon," Jane said softly. He took her right hand, reminding her of that time in the desert when he took her hand right after almost losing his fingers because of Lorelei. That thought made her pull her hand away. She faced him and saw flickered in his gaze, but it disappeared too quickly for her to understand what it meant.

"You should be apologizing with the team, not me." She exclaimed crossing her arms.

"The team, eh?" He smiled bitterly shaking his head.

"Of course." She deflected tersely.

"So you have been avoiding me on behalf of the team these last months, right?" Jane exclaimed almost growling leaning closer to her.

She stared at him in shock but quickly recovered from his outburst. "I hadn't been avoiding you, Jane. Don't change the subject. This is about you hiding information because you don't want help from the team so when you ditch us for Red John you won't feel any guilt." The agent exclaimed moving away from him.

"If we're really going to have this conversation could you at least stop pretending that this has anything to do with the team? I never lied to you. I've always been honest about my plans for Red John." The blonde told her with a scowl twisting on his beautiful face.

Lisbon leaned back as Jane invaded her space again. A dry laugh escaped from her mouth. "It's true. You care about one thing only, and we both know what that is." Lisbon replied softly suddenly feeling tired.

He shook his head quickly and before she could react Jane took her in his arms tightly. "That's not fair. I care about you." He whispered in her ear. Jane was gentle, warm, and solid. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself to prevent herself from doing something stupid like returning his hug.

She couldn't fall for his sweet words. Not again. "No, you don't. If I mattered to you at all you wouldn't have left me for six months without a word. You went ahead with your plan without thinking about me." Lisbon exclaimed pulling away. The brunette could feel him still looking at her, contemplating her. She hated it when he did that. It was never good. It made her feel vulnerable.

"You know I can't help you to kill Red John. It goes against everything I stand for." Lisbon said firmly and shifted herself away from him.

When the agent faced him again. She swallowed at the intensity of his gaze. His eyes were dark and this jaw was tense. "You can't ask me to give up Red John, Lisbon I—"He started but she interrupted him. Lisbon didn't want his reasons. She didn't want his words.

"I never asked you to, Jane." She screamed releasing everything that she bottled inside for months. "But you can't ask me to wait for you while you go around doing whatever you please. I don't even know what you want from me." Lisbon finished deeply unsettled by her own words but it was the truth.

Jane looked at her surprise. He clearly didn't expect this conversation. He processed her words and came to his own conclusion. He obviously didn't like it because he frowned and Lisbon could see the thoughts running through his eyes.

"Do you want me to resign from the CBI?" He questioned her. Lisbon's mind went to those 6 months without him and she realized that would never choose to work without him no matter how painful it could be on occasions. The alternative was worse.

"No, Jane. I don't want that. I need you." Lisbon admitted without thinking straight, after a second the brunette realized what she'd just said. "The team needs you" The agent added trying to minimize her words but it was too late. There was a small flicker of joy in his eyes for the first time since he arrived.

"It's nice to be needed. Anything for you, Lisbon." Jane said softly.

Anything but Red John she thought and immediately felt guilty for having that kind of resentment inside of her. His family was everything to him, Lisbon would never ask him to give them up and the brunette didn't want to compete with ghosts. She would always lose. Her father's face came in and with heaviness, she pushed it back, to the dark corner of her mind where it belonged to.

They locked eyes again when the silence became unbearable. "And whatever it is between us, we'll just pretend it doesn't exist?" Jane asked softly. Uncertain. She sighed annoyed at him for bringing their feelings to the equation. As if the situation wasn't complicated enough.

"Good luck Teresa, I love you."

"It doesn't exist, Jane," Lisbon stated not letting herself divagate on the fact that this may be her only chance to ask him about why he pretended to forget that he said those words to her. It didn't matter anymore. Bringing them aloud would just create more confusion.

"Say we did develop whatever this is between us," she motioned with her hand, "What happens to us when Red John shows up? You can't make go through that, Jane." Lisbon finished with a knot in her throat and she found herself blinking back the tears. They lapsed into heavy silence, dark thoughts taking over both of them.

She looked at him from behind her lashes and noticed that something was fermenting beneath his eyes, just like the calm before the storm threatening to unleash everything he was keeping inside but with a blink of his eyes, any sign of introspection vanished completely.

"I've never intended to this happened, I should have stopped it but I've always been selfish." The blond leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on her temple making her heart exploded in her chest and Lisbon had the horrible realization that they were ending something that hasn't even started yet.

"Good night, Teresa." He smiled at her sadly before going to her front door. Lisbon watched his back until he was gone.

"Good night, Jane." She whispered to her empty living room. Feeling off-balance once again.

The blonde closed the attic door without energy. The room was dark and cold, but he didn't pay attention to any of that. Every step that he took felt heavy like he was carrying the world on his shoulders. He felt exhausted. Jane finally pushed Teresa Lisbon away.

He should be relieved. Thankful that she wasn't standing in the middle of his revenge anymore. Instead, there was a void. An emptiness that was traveling quickly through his bones. Jane went to her house to apologize for his earlier behavior. Lisbon had done the right thing, the team shouldn't be blindsided, and it was his own selfishness the one that acted in her office.

On his way to her house he hadn't been sure of how to excuse his own behavior; how do you say 'I'm sorry for my behavior earlier on. I didn't want to share the information with the team because it may be connected to Red John and also I'm sorry for needing to kill him and pushing you away for your own protection.'

In the end, it didn't matter because she expressed without any doubt her unwillingness to compromise her precious standards. Jane was frustrated and he knew that it wasn't fair. She'd been as honest about her opinions as he'd been with his plans for Red John.

This situation was his fault. He didn't have any business in falling in love with Lisbon while he was hunting a serial killer, but as he told her before he has always been selfish. He had wanted her to like him. He wanted her trust, her friendship. He spent hours planning surprises for her (paper frogs, emeralds necklace, strawberries, and birthday ponies, ice creams on the terrace, coffee stops, dinners, and so many other things) just to see her smile.

Lisbon's personality hadn't helped either. It just begged for his attention. It seemed like she had been created just to allure him with her interlaced honesty, rightfulness, darkness, and willingness to bend the rules at the same time.

In a simple view, one could believe that she was transparent but Lisbon was far more complex in the details. And he wanted to know all of them.

When he lost his family, it had been sudden. One moment he had been a father and husband, the next moment he had been nothing more than a man who was barely stumbling through the motions. With time he learned to live with the ache associated with his past, sometimes he even took comfort in the happier times. Jane knew that he could live with painful memories, but he wasn't sure about living a life without Lisbon in it.

There was a war inside him. Two sides that couldn't reconcile or converge and tonight she'd made him chose, no he corrected himself, it was worse. She stepped aside. She chose Red John for him and he wasn't pleased.

He walked to the balcony and took a deep breath of fresh air hoping that the cold air helped him to clear his thoughts. Jane stayed there for at least half-hour before he decided that he couldn't brood about Lisbon all night. He won't fix their relationship tonight might as well do something productive instead.

He sat on the attic dusty desk and took his notebook from his jacket. Jane almost finished his list of suspects and now he knew how Red John had been ahead of him all this time. The blonde was convinced that the serial killer belonged to the organization of dirty cops or at least had serious connections inside.

The consultant stayed all night awake finishing his final list of suspects.

So here you had it! Jane and Lisbon finally talked about their feelings (kind of) I hope that you enjoyed it!. I know... I killed Kirkland too but It was needed for the story to progress.

Thank you Hanna Konwent. LouiseKurlyo (your reviews give me life, thank you so much for your support and opinions). Thank you Nanda. flaviamendes1701 thank you so much!. nitro9 (I'm glad that you like Darcy. By the way, I love your mentalist stories), claudiafanofmanythings (thank you so much), readingvoraciously (thank so much for your review, I really love that you like the perspective of their relationship and that I surprised you with Darcy), Nadia, marafreila (Yess I always felt the same way. they didn't use Darcy that much and don't worry about your English it's pretty good), ChrisLettShipper47 (thank you so much, they had so many unresolved issues, in this chapter they talked a little bit but there are still some issues left between them), SF, clairebare (I agree with you that Lisbon seems out of character in this story but she had plenty reasons to be angry with him, and I wanted to write something where Jane was actually held accountable for his actions.) corazonconaugeritos (thank you so much, I'm really glad that you are enjoying this story. I also felt bad for Darcy that why I brought her instead of Hightower like in the show)

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