A/N: Okay here is the new one, I'm sorry that it took me so long, work has been crazy lately. I apologize for all the mistakes that you may read here and I hope that you enjoy it!

Chapter 9

They were driving back to the CBI where Jane left his car. The silence was heavy and thoughts were running in both of them their minds.

"So what's the plan now?" Lisbon finally asked when the silence became unacceptable for her.

Jane kept his eyes on the window but the brunette knew that he heard her question. He seemed so somnolent. Lisbon despised these moments when she felt like she couldn't reach him. "Are you going to ask each one of them to show you their left shoulder until you find the tattoo?" The agent asked again wanting to get some reaction from him.

"I'm not sure yet. I need to think, Lisbon." He finally said looking at her. She shifted her focus back to the street, unsure of what to answer. A confused Patrick Jane wasn't something that you see every day. Lisbon didn't add anything else and the rest of the ride was in silence.

Later that night in her bed she processed his words. Jane only talked about his plan to find Red John's identity but he never said anything about the after. Lisbon knew that he was going to kill Red John and that she won't be able to talk him out.

One day she may have to arrest him or worse find his body.

No.

She stopped that thought immediately, Lisbon needed to make sure that Jane lives pass Red John but that didn't stop the nightmare that she had where she found his body laying down in his own blood with the smiley face drawn on the wall.

The next couple of days, Lisbon noticed how Jane fell back into his old pattern. He stopped texting her at night and following her during the day. They got a new case and Jane didn't help them, he just spent all his time locked up in the attic. She didn't even try to get him out of there.

Lisbon told herself that she shouldn't be surprised, that was the classic Patrick Jane set up. At least now he didn't disappear for six months, right?

But still, it felt like a kind of betrayal after their previous conversations. He had been more opened with her, he had shared his plans and thoughts with her. Lisbon felt like they were finally taking the right steps into fixing what was broken between them after Las Vegas and Lorelei.

Now he was shutting her off again and she hated it.

Teresa Lisbon was missing.

She had gone to Marie's for coffee and never returned.

She has been missing for five hours.

Cho was the first one to noticed it. It'd been a couple of hours since Lisbon let him know that she was going to Marie's for coffee. Cho called her but it went straight to her voicemail, something that never happened. Lisbon never turns off her phone, not even on her free days or nights.

"Have any of you heard from Lisbon?" he asked. Van Pelt and Rigsby shook their heads.

"Something happened," Cho said standing up from his desk walking to the stairs. Rigsby looked at his partner with furrowed eyebrows and Van Pelt stopped writing on her computer.

"What do you mean?" Rigsby asked.

"She is not answering her phone," Cho said without stopping his steps to the attic.

"What do you want Cho?" Jane asked from inside before he could knock on the door.

"Call Lisbon." Jane immediately opened the door and looked at him worried.

"What happened?" the blond asked at the same time that he reached for the phone inside of his vest.

"Her phone is off. She went to Marie's three hours ago and she hasn't returned yet." Cho explained blandly without showing his worry. Jane pressed number one on his phone.

The consultant felt a knot in his stomach when he heard her voicemail. "Let's go," Jane said closing the attic.

"I'm driving," Cho answered following him to the stairs knowing that Jane would behave erratically if Lisbon wasn't in Marie's with a dead phone battery. Very unlikely.

The drive was a quiet one. Jane resisted the impulse of asking Cho to accelerate three times before they arrived. Lisbon wasn't there. Her truck was parked in front of the cafe but Samantha, the cashier, told them that she didn't see the agent today.

Patrick Jane's world had shrunk in the last hour. Too many thoughts were running in his mind and none of them were encouraging.

It was Red John.

He got her.

Red John had Teresa.

He was having a panic attack. The blond knew the symptoms but couldn't get himself under control.

"Jane." He barely heard Cho's voice. "Jane breath, we need you now. Lisbon needs you." Cho said. Jane finally focused on Cho's face and took a deep breath. He was right. Teresa needed him now, more than ever. He won't fail her.

"Ok. You're right." Jane said a few minutes later after he finally got his body under control. Cho looked at him one more time making sure that he was actually okay before calling Van Pelt and asking her to trace Lisbon's phone. Grace gave them an address and Cho asked them to meet there. During the drive Jane was panicking again imagining her body, crumpled on a floor, butchered beyond all recognition under a smiley face.

He won't survive it.

Jane couldn't lose her. There were so many things that the consultant never told her, Jane told himself that it was better in that way, if he told her everything that he felt for her; it would put her at risk, but it was just an excuse. Jane never told her how much she meant to him, how much she means to him because he was a coward, he just didn't want to be vulnerable and exposed again.

Teresa Lisbon was his anchor, his safe haven, his best friend and he couldn't lose her.

"Jane," Cho said stopping the car. Jane looked at him realizing the agent had been trying to call his attention for a while. "I need to know that you are not going to do something impulsive or crazy when we arrive there."

Jane looked at him noticing the worried lines around his eyes but didn't promise anything. He wasn't going to lie. His behavior depended entirely on what they would find in that address.

They finally arrived and Jane noticed that they were in a poor neighborhood outside the city. The street was empty and Cho parked the car in front of an old-looking house.

Rigsby and Van Pelt were arriving too and parking on the other side of the street. The blond almost jumped out of the car but Cho stopped him putting his hand around his bicep. "Jane wait."

"What?"

"You can't go in there without a bulletproof vest. It could be a trap." Cho said firmly. Jane decided not to argue with him and gave in. The Asian agent took the bulletproof vest from the truck. He quickly put his noticing that Van Pelt and Rigsby were arriving at the porch of the house.

"Guys you need to see this," Rigsby called them. Cho took the lead and Jane followed him feeling his heart in his throat. There was a letter glued to the house's main door. Just like there had been one glued to Charlotte's bedroom.

Jane couldn't breathe.

He didn't want to open that door.

He was afraid of what he was going to find on the other side of the door. With shaking hands he took the paper and read aloud.

"Mister Jane. Teresa Lisbon is quite something else... Now I- I can understand your fascination with her. I never paid too much attention to her but now I see it. Teresa is so loyal and brave. A bundle of contradictions; stubborn but willing to listen to you. Hard on the edges but still very feminine. So determined but at the same time docile. I'm looking forward to spending some quality time with her. I hope that you understand what's at stake now that you change the rules of our game."

Cho opened the door as soon as he finished reading the letter. Van Pelt and Rigsby followed him but Jane stayed there. His eyes were stuck reading again the words in the letter.

"Jane," Rigsby called him from inside. He took a deep breath and walked in. Jane took it in at a glance; the dust all over the place, the old wood floor, and finally walked into the room where the rest of the team were. He stopped when he found her, frozen. Lisbon was lying on the floor, her eyes closed but what took his breath away was the smiley face drawn on her face.

No. This couldn't be happening to him. Not again. For one moment, Jane stood there in shock and quiet horror, unable to process the thought of a future without her.

"Stop looking at her like that, Jane," Cho said sharply. He was laying next to her on the floor. "She's alive."

"She's alive," Jane repeated and after a second the meaning of the words caught up to him and he fell to his knees beside her. He touched her neck feeling her heartbeat, reassuring himself that the words were true.

Cho turned to Van Pelt who was coming up behind them after checking the rest of the house. "Guys there's a body in the other room. It's Partridge." She informed nervously. Cho furrowed his eyebrows but didn't say anything.

Jane heard the news but all his focus was on the small women laying in front of him. The single person who anchored him, who supported him, who truly cared for him despite knowing most of his dirty little secrets. Despite the fact that he had betrayed her.

"I need some water now," Jane said seriously. He couldn't stand the fact that his mark was laying on her skin. After a couple of minutes, Rigsby passed him a water bottle. Jane took his handkerchief and cleaned the blood from her face softly. Making sure that he was erasing any evidence of Red John.

The paramedics arrived after that and Jane climbed with her into the ambulance refusing to leave her alone.

The paramedics protested a little bit but Cho intervened for him. Jane held her hand the whole way to the hospital. Twenty minutes later, they were in South Sacramento Hospital and Lisbon was being wheeled away from him on a gurney.

Jane collapsed onto a chair in the waiting room and stared at his hands not quite sure of what he was feeling. He didn't feel normal and he knew that probably won't feel like that until he heard Lisbon's voice.

An hour later a doctor came to informed him that Lisbon was alright. She had a taser burn in the back of her neck and they were running some blood tests but everything seemed good. They were taking her to a private room and a nurse would take him to her soon.

"Are you here for Teresa Lisbon?" An old nurse asked him thirty minutes later. He nodded with a broken smile and the lady guided him through the hospital halls.

They finally arrived at Lisbon's room and he stopped a moment shaken by the image of the tough as nails Teresa Lisbon laying on the hospital bed.

Jane idle noticed that this was the first time that he saw her hurt. He had seemed her in danger plenty of times— like when she ended up with a bomb strapped on her chest, or when Hardy almost shot her or when Red John asked for her head— but he never actually saw her hurt. When Craig shot her on the shoulder Jane heard it through the phone but the next time that he saw her in jail she was looking as strong as usual.

This wasn't a sight that he was used to. And he didn't want to get used to it. The blond would do everything in his power to make sure that she would never end up again in a hospital.

"Everyone looks good. A blood test revealed that she had a strong sedated beside the taser burn so she will probably sleep a couple of hours but if you need anything you can call me pressing this button." The nurse explained pointing to the red button next to Lisbon's bed before leaving the room.

Jane sat by her bed. He was surprised that, after being in her presence for a mere ten minutes or so, he already felt calmer. He didn't feel normal—well, if normal was what he had been before his family's murder. But around Lisbon, he felt tethered.

Breathing deeply he took her hand. Noticing how small it was compared to his. Holding Lisbon was one of the few times you got a sense of how genuinely petite she was.

So Jane stayed there all night watching her sleep without letting go of her hand.

Lisbon woke up gasping for air. Somehow, in her kicking-gagging-panic state, her eyes locked in with Jane.

"Everything's okay," Jane said holding her hand tightly. "It's all right. You're safe." Lisbon finally recognized that she was in a hospital room instead of a bloody bullpen in the CBI.

Everybody was alive. It had been a nightmare.

"What happened?" She asked with a raspy voice after noticing through the window that it looked like it was early morning.

Jane examined thoughtfully her deep green eyes breathing easily for the first time in hours. He could see that she wasn't under any suggestion or had been hypnotized like Kristina. "You don't remember anything? He asked lowly stroking softly her hair.

She exhaled trying to organize her thoughts everything was blurred in her mind. "I parked my car in front of Marie's. I- I was about to go in when I heard a scream coming from the ally. I went to check in but it was empty. Before I could go back I felt a burn on my neck." She touched the back of her neck with her free hand noticing the bandage. "I woke up in this old house and Partridge was there. Bleeding. I tried to help him but he was bleeding so much." Her hands started to fiddled but Jane held her tightly for a moment before he kissed it. Lisbon's breath got caught in her throat this time for entirely different reasons.

"What else happened?" Jane asked softly taking comfort in the sensation of her small hand pressed against his.

Then she remembered an important detail."Jane, he s-said Tiger Tiger. Like the code for the secret organization." Patridge had been a member of the organization. "But before I could check my surroundings or get any help I felt a pinch in my arm. Why?" She asked looking at him with concern noticing how tight was his jaw.

He forced himself to answer her question. Even though he didn't want to bring him here. "It was Red John. He left a note."

Lisbon's eyes wide opened. It wasn't his usual pattern. There had been only one letter in the past. The air felt heavy in the room. "Okay." She said quietly and Jane hated the vulnerability in her eyes. "Wh-what'd he do?"

"Nothing. The doctor says you're completely unharmed, apart from a taser burn and the sedative that you had on your blood." Jane answered.

She took a deep breath with furrowed eyebrows. "Partridge is dead. Red John killed him and did nothing to me. Why?"

"He didn't do nothing," Jane confessed looking at their interlaced hands. "He took Partridge's blood... and p-put it on your face, made his mark." He tried to erase the image of her laying on the floor with that mark on her face from his mind.

"Ok. W-What does it mean?" she asked quietly after a moment of silence.

"I don't know." jane lied without hesitation but then he saw her expression knew that she deserved the truth and Lisbon would know that it meant in the second that she reads the letter.

"A warning to me to be more careful, we are in the closing line and he wants to make sure that we know who is closer to the end line." He started. His sea eyes were unreadable. "Teresa I couldn't breathe. All I could think of was that after everything, he'd gotten you." Jane was finally opening the Pandora box and he was sure that wouldn't be able to stop until he said everything. "And then I found you with his mark on your face. It was worse than my nightmares about you because it was real. I couldn't move until Cho told me you were alive…"

The grip of her hand became tighter for a moment and she searched for his eyes. "Jane I'm okay. Nothing happened." Lisbon tried to comfort him but Jane hadn't finished yet. Once that he'd opened his mouth, it was pouring everything out, and he had no idea how to get it back under control.

"I've been terrified for a long time that Red John found out how important you are to me. I already lost everything once, and it nearly destroyed me. It can hardly have escaped your notice that since my family died, you are the person I care about most in the world."

Lisbon was holding her breath feeling nervous because there was an air of determination around him which she hadn't seemed before.

"The truth is that I'm in love with you, I love you," Lisbon gasped in surprise and tried to remove her hand from his but he didn't allow it. "And it scares the daylights out of me. For years I didn't even let myself see it. I hid it away in the dark," he said feeling an immense relief in just letting his deepest secrets spill out freely.

Her breath was coming far too quickly, her heart crashing at the same pace. She'd thought they'd had an agreement to never say it, to never acknowledged it. "Jane...No."

Jane stopped for a moment evaluating her reaction. Her orbs were wide open and he could feel her hands shaking. This woman could face down a gun. Lisbon could tackle men twice her size. She was the bravest person that he had met but a hint of a personal conversation involving feelings and she would run away immediately—if she hadn't already instituted one of the rules that she had created to deal with awkward situations.

For a moment Jane considered stepping back and pretending that he never said anything as usual, but then he remembered how he felt when he thought that he lost her.

His stupidity had almost cost him everything.

He wasn't going to make that same mistake again.

He wasn't going to lose Lisbon.

"We both know I'm in love with you," he repeated softly, reaching up to touch her again. To brush some hair out of her face, behind her ear, to caress her cheek on the way back. "And you love me too," Lisbon drew in a sharp breath and opened her mouth, but he kept talking before she could get any words out.

"I've faced the prospect of life without you, and I've realized that I'm willing to do everything to avoid that fate." He took a deep breath and she noticed that his hands were shaking slightly. "So I will give up my revenge if you wish it. I can't promise that Red John will let me do it but for my part, I'm willing to step back if that's what you want."

Her throat was tight and achy, but she forced her words out anyway. "Jane no, you are still scared. It's just the adrenaline talking."

"The truth is that I've been thinking about this for a while. I'm not overreacting." He said thinking about the time that he was poisoned with belladonna. The thought has been in his mind for a time but it was the first time that he said aloud. "I'm giving you what you asked for that night at your house. You wanted to know what I want, how I feel? Here it is." He exclaimed sounding frustrated for the first time since this conversation started.

"It's what you feel now," she said softly. "But what about tomorrow, next week, or month when Red John hurts someone else? You will hate it and you will end up resenting me for not keeping your promise." The honesty of her words scratched her throat reminding her why she usually avoided them.

Jane leaned forward pinning her with his green gaze looking deep serious. "He could have killed you, Teresa. We would have lost any possibility of having time together." He stood up and kiss her forehead wanting to make her understand it wasn't a choice. Jane needed this. "From now on, I intend to spend a lot more time together than that you wanted us to have, I want you to be safe and if giving out the chance of killing Red John is the price, I'm prepared to do." Lisbon was silent looking quite unsure of what to say, Jane couldn't blame her, he dropped a bomb on her.

Jane never thought that his goal to kill Red John would come to a stop because of the woman in front of him but during all those years working together she became his and he hers. Even if Lisbon didn't quite realize it yet.

Lisbon sighed feeling like she woke up on a different alternative. Jane was saying everything that she wanted to hear if only she could believe he was saying them for the right reasons and not fear. "Jane." She protested not knowing what to said. He squeezed her hand tightly for a moment and brought her hand to his mouth kissing it softly making her feel his breath over her skin.

"It's okay, my dear. I'm just telling you my intentions, you don't have to say anything." Jane said before she could shut him down.

So finally Jane confessed his feeling to Lisbon I know that SUCKS that they didn't kiss here, but both of them were quite scared and I wasn't sure that it was the right time to have the first kiss in the story. this was my favorite chapter to write until now, I hope that you enjoyed it, please let me your reviews if you like or you want to let your opinion. I really appreciate them.