Life got hectic, so my apologies for being AOL for a bit. Here is the ending of the story which should fold into the epilogue of Mike and Steve at Stella's. I love the look Mike gets when he suggests treating Steve to lunch with Steve delivering the line, "I got bread".
"That was not the intended message. I just wanted answers for Gus and for Stell. I wanted to get the bastard who killed Gus. They deserved so much more after thirty years of service," Mike said sadly as they sat quietly at their corner table. Mike fingered the rim of his fedora sitting on the table to the left of his beer.
"I agree, Mike. Gus and Stell deserved more than what happened, no doubt. I've known Stell for a long time. She's a tough wonderful woman, but how do you think Stell would have felt if she lost you or if any other cop was injured getting to Fisher? She would have been destroyed."
Mike sat quietly for several minutes. His mind flashed back to various points over the last two days. Seeing Gus on his death bed was the kick in the gut he was not ready for. Weakened, he remembered nearly collapsing to embrace Gus.
Then he remembered the anger and fury – and recalling how he was nearly out of his head while on the trail of Gus's killer. While outwardly, he wanted to think he'd simply make the arrest, he did privately wonder how far he would have gone with Fisher had the met alone. Instead, Steve's presence made calmed him and cleared his mind to do the right thing.
And then he remembered Steve – he had insulted and excluded him on such an important investigation. He just couldn't handle the mentoring relationship at that moment, so he pushed it aside. But rather than Steve retreating, his partner appeared more determined to have his back. He knew Steve had risked his life to be by his side.
"I need to make this right," he finally said and then looked up at Roy. "You'd be within your rights to go to Rudy, Roy. Is this where this conversation was headed?"
Roy shook his head. "I needed to see if I could reach through to you. If I couldn't, well, I guess I would have crossed that bridge then. But, no, I think you see how far off course you went."
"Thanks, Roy," Mike whispered with relief.
"Look I know what Gus meant to you and I know that your feelings about Gus had many levels going back to Potrero Hill. It showed so much loyalty and respect on your part to have felt what you did. But…"
"I know, but there was only one Gus, so let's pray those circumstances never occur again."
"Mike, you have men who report to you. Are you trying tell me that you wouldn't go off the rails if something happened to one of them?" Roy challenged. "Our jobs are lousy with risk. You have been in blue for over 25 years – hell, you yourself will be up for a 30 year pin before too long. What if something happened to Sekulovich or Bill or Steve? You trying to tell me you wouldn't react the same way?"
"Any of us would, Roy. Our own men?"
"Then let's leave it at this: if the circumstances happen again, you reach out. The first thing you do – rather than push the people away who could be invaluable - is figure out how you pull everyone together. Do not take it all on your own. Honestly, if you go off on your own again like that, I will need to go to Rudy."
Mike nodded contritely. "All right."
Realizing Roy had made his point, he back off some. "And I'll do the same. We'll have each other's back and we'll remember this conversation. Okay?"
A slight smile came over Mike's face but was quickly interrupted by Roy's further comment. "And Lenny – maybe it'd be a good idea to talk to him."
"Aw, Roy, why'd you have to ruin the moment. I don't need a shrink." Mike replied a little more bitterly than intended.
"Yeah, I know. But I felt like I needed to put it out there. He's not a bad guy, you know. He's just a little different in his approach," Roy said with a smirk.
"All right – outside of seeing Lenny, which I'm not going to do, I know what I need to do next."
"What's that?" Roy asked.
"I need to talk to Stell. I need to apologize for my conduct. I was going to see her tomorrow and see how she is doing. Thought I'd tell her about the arrest if she's up to it. But I also need to just tell her how out of line I've been. I've not been to Gus's standard and she needs to know that. I saw the look on her face a couple of times at the hospital. I embarrassed myself in front of her."
"That's good. And…" Roy pressed.
"Steve. I owe him a big apology. That was not how partners should work together. I violated so many of my own rules. I'd put him on the bench if he had acted that way with me."
"And…" Roy continued.
Mike frowned as he tried to come up with what Roy was thinking. "What? I'll call Steve tonight and tell him that we'll start a little later. Then I'll take him out to lunch tomorrow. We'll talk man to man. I need to be better about that."
"Ah, Steve Baby…it's easy to slip into a generational thing, but he's a good kid, er, guy. He'll be relieved, I can tell you that."
"He's not blaming himself for any of this?" Mike asked, suddenly quite concerned.
Roy nodded. "I think you need to ask him. I can only remind you that he ran like a bat out of hell when he realized he gave you Fisher's address after Gus passed. You probably took a couple of years off his life."
Mike sighed, "Oh, Lord. All right – we'll have a long talk and then I'll give him the rest of the day off."
"And…" Roy continued.
"What? I apologized to you and I'll make it right with Stell and Steve tomorrow. What else?"
"You, my friend, need to also take a few days off. Get away for a bit. You'll do yourself and your team a world of good."
"Why I don't know, Roy," Mike huffed. "We have active cases."
"Mike, you need this. This is not me as your friend, this is me as your peer. Take a couple of days after the funeral. Go fishing. Rest. Reset your clock."
Mike frowned at the thought. "I'll take the day after the funeral off."
"Make it a long weekend. Arizona is beautiful this time of year," Roy grinned as Mike's eyes widened at the prospect.
"I'll call Jeanne and see if she has time for her old man," Mike said with a smirk.
"That's the Mike I know," Roy beamed as he reached for his wallet.
And after nearly forty eight hours of emotional turmoil, Mike began to feel the burden lift. It would take a while to work through, but tomorrow would be the start to get back on track. "Roy, I'll get this – it's the least I can do. Thanks."