CHAPTER 30

Quick A.N…

So I decided I'm going to continue this story. I've taken the past couple of days away to deal with all of the hate shit and I'm ready to get back into it! Please I ask again… you are more than welcome to criticise the story, but don't personally attack me. None of you have ever met me, none of you know me, so what gives you the fucking right to come at me with words like "cunt", "gay shit", "pussy"? You have a lot of nerve calling me a pussy and a coward when you are the one sending me ANONYMOUS private messages and then don't reply when I reply to your messages and want to have an honest convo!

Anyways, I really can't be bothered to get into it again. Let's just start the chapter…

Twelve hours later, Miguel got off the plane in San Diego Airport, his mind an absolute mess. He was still processing the events of 48 hours ago. The attack on the embassy had sent shockwaves through the entire country. Many were naming it the worst attack on the United States since 9/11 and Haissam Haqqani had quickly risen to the level of notoriety that Osama Bin Laden had gained. The public were terrified. Although the attack before had been on the U.S Embassy in Pakistan, the public were petrified of a follow-up attack, but this one in the country itself. There hadn't been this much unsettledness amongst the public since the aftermath of the September 11th attacks.

As Miguel stepped out of the airplane, he closed his eyes and he took a deep breath. He knew a MASSIVE fight was coming, possibly ending in a break up, and he had pretty much come to terms with that fact. He couldn't keep stringing Sam along in whatever pitiful relationship they had at this point. She didn't deserve that. She deserved an actual relationship. Miguel finally realised why 90% of SEAL marriages ended in divorce, let alone boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. He hated himself for what he was about to do, but he knew that for the sake of the 40 Americans who had been killed in the Embassy attack, he had to do it.

Sam stood nervously by the entrance of the airport. She had been awake for the past 48 hours, reading everything she could read about what went down in the embassy. Although there wasn't that much news released to the public yet, there was enough for Sam to realise that Miguel was lucky to have escaped the experience with his life, and there was no telling how emotionally damaged he was from it.

Miguel heaved his duffel bag over his shoulder and slowly trudged towards the exit. As he walked out into the Arrivals section of the airport, he saw Sam standing at the back, and he immediately felt another stab of guilt. The stress and worry on her face was visible from all the way on the other side of the room. He couldn't believe what he had put her through during their relationship. He should've ended it and set her free long ago. Miguel took a deep breath. He needed to do it now. Rip off the bandaid as it were.

As Miguel walked over to her, Sam spotted him and her eyes lit up. A lot of the worry that she was feeling quashed when she finally saw Miguel, alive and in one piece, walking towards her. At that moment, her internal battle between Miguel and Robby instantly ended. There was no competition. What she had with Miguel was way better than what she had with Robby, and now that Miguel would permanently be in the country, they could finally have their happy ending.

Miguel finally made it over to Sam, and he nodded at her.

"Hi, Sam." Miguel murmured, quietly. He took a deep breath. He needed to end things with her now. Like right now. As soon as possible. But before Miguel could say anything, Sam threw her arms around him, hugging him excruciatingly tightly.

"Oh, my God! I'm so glad you're okay!" Sam whispered. Miguel slowly returned the embrace, and he bit his tongue. What the hell was he thinking? He couldn't just dump her in the middle of the airport. That was so rude! She deserved way more than that. He needed to do it respectfully. Like in a restaurant or at home or something.

Miguel and Sam left the airport together and Miguel was deep in thought on the drive home, not saying anything. He hadn't been home in 4 months and this city… it seemed foreign to him. He felt more at home in war zones like Afghanistan than he did in San Diego. He side glanced at Sam, who had a massive smile on her face, and another stab of guilt ran through him. When they got home, he had to do it, once and for all.

They made it to their apartment around 15 minutes later, and Miguel slowly got out of the car. It felt like a century ago the last time he had been here. So much had happened in the 4 months he had been away. Miguel unlocked the door and walked into the apartment for the first time and ages and turned on the lights. Again, the bright living room before him didn't feel like home. It felt like it was someone else's. Miguel closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was time. Miguel turned around to face Sam, who had just entered the room too.

"Hey, Sam. Um… we need to…" Once again, Miguel was interrupted by his girlfriend, this time because she lunged at him, pulling him into an extremely passionate kiss. They made out for several moments before they finally broke apart for air. "Talk." Miguel finished. Sam shook her head urgently.

"Talk later. It's been 4 months!" Sam murmured, kissing him again and pushing him towards their bedroom. Miguel couldn't help but comply, his thoughts about breaking up temporarily shifted into the back of his mind as him and his girlfriend crashed onto their bed together…

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"Oh my God. That was amazing!" Sam exclaimed a couple of hours later when they were completely worn out, her chest rapidly rising and falling as she attempted to catch her breath.

"Yeah… yeah it was." Miguel murmured, also struggling to catch his breath. After not being with each other for 4 months, they had just had an AMAZING time. Sam turned slightly on their bed to face him.

"Hey, you wanted to talk about something, right? What's up?" Sam asked, resting her head on Miguel's chest and closing her eyes, feeling completely at peace as she felt Miguel's chest gently rise and fall. Miguel's heart dropped. His temporary feeling of euphoria was gone. The news had completely slipped his mind.

Miguel took a deep breath. He needed to do it now.

"Yeah, um… there's no easy way to say this, Sam, but um… um… I um…"

"Jesus, spit it out, Miguel!" Sam laughed, curious now as to what Miguel had to say.

"Sam, I'm leaving next week to Afghanistan." Miguel murmured. Sam laughed as she brushed hair out of her eyes. She assumed he was joking.

"Yeah, right. And I'm going to Paris tomorrow too, right?" Sam remarked back. Miguel didn't laugh though. He didn't even smile. His expression was stony serious, and Sam's heart stopped when she realised he might actually be serious.

"Sam, I'm not joking." Miguel said, quietly. "I've got a mission lined up in Afghanistan: to take out the people who did that shit in the Embassy a couple of days ago."

"Wait… you're serious?!" Sam exclaimed, shooting up on the bed, her state of relaxation and calmness vanished. Miguel slowly nodded.

"Yeah, I am." Miguel whispered.

"Well, what… what… how long are you going to be gone for?" Sam stammered, struggling to comprehend the bombshell Miguel had just dropped. Miguel sighed. This was the worst part.

"I don't know." He replied. "Could be a month. Could be a year. However long it takes to get justice for the 40 Americans who were slaughtered in the embassy."

"Miguel, you… you… you can't do this!" Sam exclaimed. "I thought you were going to be stationed here finally. I thought we were finally going to be able to start our lives together."

"Well, that was the plan, but things changed really quickly, and I have to go do this first."

Sam shook her head, furiously. Now that she had fully comprehended the magnitude of what Miguel was telling her, her shock had turned to plain rage.

"No, you didn't have to do anything! You got a choice! You always get a fucking choice and you CHOOSE to leave for these insane missions!"

"Look, Sam, what did you want me to do?" Miguel snapped.

"Seriously? It's not obvious to you? SAY NO! Tell them that your girlfriend and the rest of your life is more important than these shitty missions you're sent on!"

"I can't do that, Sam." Miguel whispered.

"WHY?! WHY NOT?!" Sam shouted. "It's so easy! Just walk into your boss's office and tell him to fuck off!"

"Sam, you don't get it." Miguel growled. "I had the flag of the fucking Taliban waving over my head. I watched a female desk jockey even younger than you have her head dissipated right off her shoulders and there wasn't a damn thing I could've done to save her! 40 Americans dead! 40 families ripped to pieces! I think about how I would react if my mom, or Johnny, or you were in that position… I can't even stand that thought, but 40 families across the country are dealing with exactly that! I need to get justice for them, and their deceased family members!"

"No… no, you don't." Sam whispered, tears springing to her eyes. "Not everything has to come down to you, Miguel. You don't have to be the hero every single time. There are 400 thousand people in the Navy who could do exactly what you do. Why do you have to be the one every time?!"

"Because that's the deal I made when I joined the Navy. That's what the enlistment entails. You just don't say no. You eat, sleep and shit where they tell you. You can be transferred around the world in a matter of hours if that's what's needed. Look, I know this isn't ideal…"

"No, really? It's not ideal?!" Sam snapped, sarcastically. "Miguel, neither of us are young anymore! We're 28! Women don't have the luxury of waiting until they're 40 to have kids!"

Miguel nodded.

"I know that, Sam, which is why I think it would probably be best for us to finally both go our separate ways." Miguel murmured. "No point in delaying the inevitable any longer."

Sam's eyes widened.

"What… like break up?" She stammered. Miguel, who now also had a few loose tears in his eyes, nodded.

"I mean, yeah. We both clearly want such different things. I can't ask you to just wait around on me year after year, mission after mission. I know how much you want to be a mom. You're going to be a great mom. I can't take that away from you."

Sam took a deep, calming breath and wiped the tears from her eyes. She then turned to her boyfriend and saw the melancholy in his eyes. That's when she realised… this was really happening. This wasn't a nightmare. This wasn't a sick joke. This was genuinely reality.

"Miguel, can I ask you something?" Sam asked. Miguel nodded.

"Sure, what?"

"What do you love more: me or your job?" Sam asked, bluntly. Miguel was taken aback, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Um… what? What kind of a question is that?" Miguel remarked, laughing slightly.

"I'm serious. Me or your job… what do you love more?" Sam repeated. Miguel chuckled.

"Sam, obviously you! You're the single most important person in my life."

"See, you say that, but then you keep running away on these crazy missions. I mean, we haven't even spent more than 4 continuous months together in our 2 year relationship! And it makes me wonder…" Sam's voice trailed off. Miguel looked at his girlfriend and gently held her hands in his.

"Sam, I never knew I could love someone and care about someone so much until I met you. I love you more than I could've ever imagined. You turned my life upside down, and I'm always going to remember you for that. But I also know you well enough to know that me and my job are holding you back from achieving your dreams and your aspirations in life. You're always talking about that white picket fence, the porch swing, the husband, the kids. I hoped to God that I could've been that person but I realise now… I just can't. And knowing that I'm dragging you back from achieving those dreams… it just kills me."

Miguel took a deep, shaky breath and he stood up before continuing…

"Look, there's no need for this to be a toxic breakup, right? I'll have my stuff out by the time I leave."

Sam shrugged.

"Keep your stuff here for as long as you need. I'm not going to throw them out, don't worry."

"Thanks." Miguel murmured, and he started to walk out the door. Just before he walked out of the apartment, he turned back to his girlfriend - well, now ex-girlfriend. "Hey, Sam?"

"Yeah?" Sam whispered, her eyes closed, hoping that maybe shutting her eyes would make the whole thing a little less real and make it hurt a little less.

"I love you." Miguel said.

"I love you too." Sam replied. With that, Miguel unlocked the door and stepped out of his apartment for the final time…