Chapter Two: Jacksonville

She had missed the sun, that much was true. But stepping off the plane and feeling the warm air welcome her on the way to the terminal, Bella couldn't help but to feel as though her skin was too tight on her bones. She had been raised in a much warmer environment, and yet she knew that the girl who hated the green cover of cold moss and longed for the cactuses and open sky didn't exist anymore. She was now girl who knew far too well that it was too sunny for her to ever walk into him by chance, and whose only wish was to go back to that one place where she could still entertain that fantasy, where she could hope and where she could breathe. But there was no vampire in Florida.

Renée was waiting for her at the airport, beaming from ear to ear when she saw her, a "Welcome Home" sign raised high above her head. The closer Bella walked toward her, however, the fainter her smile dimmed. Oh God, Bella thought. Did she really look that bad?

A silvery light rimmed her mother eyes as she simply hugged her without a word. The embrace was long, and tighter than usual. Renée was shaking. "Mom...are you alright?"

"No, Bella, no I'm not. How could I be?" Her beautiful voice broke into sobs. Bella patted her mother's back. "I'm here now Mom. I'm sorry I made you worry."

One of the many things she loved about her mother, was that she didn't need to contribute much to the conversation. They spent most of the drive talking about the house, the beach, Phil's new job, her kindergarten and all her little children she keeps spoiling rotten with hugs and kisses all day long. All the trouble she's already been in for "not being reliable enough" and how it was all completely unfair. How the fact that her coworker seemed to see her as one more kid to watch and protect was just so silly and "she couldn't possibly be that childish, they are just jealous all the kids like to play with her". Bella didn't really have to say much more than "is that so" and "oh, really?" and they were good for hours on end. It was refreshing. The last thing she needed was someone asking her how she's feeling.

"Your father told me about this shrink he called, here in Jacksonville. Dr O'Neil." So much for avoiding the subject, Bella thought with a sigh "He said since you're 18 he can't force you to get treated unless you're a danger to yourself of others. He said you really need therapy." She glanced at her. "What do you think?"

"I'm fine, Mom." She replied, and hoped to be convincing enough "Charlie is being overdramatic".

"Huh…" She pondered a moment and said "I still think you should listen to him and go, just once at least." and added before Bella could protest "Therapy was a package deal for you to stay here, Bells." Bella glared at Renee. Was she actually telling her she wouldn't hesitate to throw her out if she refused to go? Or was her coming to Jacksonville an inconvenience after all?

The yoga mat, cushions and stretching balls had been pushed to a corner of the room, along with plants and boxes next to a big Buddha statue welcoming her with a mysterious half smile and an open hand. A convertible couch had been dragged in the middle hastily and other boxes with "Bella" written on them in black sharpie told her Renée had had little time to arrange her arrival. Yes, she was definitely a hindrance there.

"I had your old stuff taken from the garage. You wouldn't believe how heavy some of them are, Bella. How many books do you own anyway" She said with a dry laugh.

"Thanks mom" She said softly. Somehow this was giving her a strange dejavu feeling of when she had moved to forks a year ago. Only the bedroom in Charlie's place had always been meant for her.

"I usually use this room for yoga and Pilates in the morning, the light is really clean in this room, it's good for your mind." She added "You know while you're doing therapy, you can join me. A little meditation goes a long way."

"Yeah..." Bella nodded blankly.

"But I've got to tell you dear, if that doctor tells you to take meds, against... you know...depression or stress, you really don't have to. Those chemical will destroy you."

"Hum...sure" What else could she answer to that. When had Renee been so into new age anyway? Though he guessed it was just like her, as she loved to try new things and explore. As long as it makes her happy.

Diner was vegan, another new thing about Renee. Bella was surprised how much not calling for four months could turn into "your mother becoming a brand new person while you look away" Renée let her do the dishes while Phil walked in the doorway, greeting her with open arm and a passionate kiss. Bella had to look away, a pang of grief tearing her chest open again. She had always been happy for her mother when she found her new lover that made her feel so young and adventurous again. But in that instant, the vibrancy of their intimacy was too bright to look at. She nearly burnt her hands in the dish water, and didn't care one second.

She went to bed early, and Renee looked at her with a grateful smile, as if she thought she was leaving for their benefit. She buried herself under the cover and let the darkness swallow her before the void in her chest could start screaming.

The nightmare were always the same, she thought. Same cold night, same empty forest, same feeling of restlessness, same unfaltering void and abyss at the end. Yet, there was always a moment, just before the end of the nightmare, when an image would shine in her mind for a split second.

Grey cloaks surrounding her. Marble floor, high ceiling, painting on the walls. A Garden, sunlight. A man in a black cloak hold her hand, but she cannot see his face. He is tall...or she is small, tiny, like a child. The hood of the cloak falls on his shoulder, revealing…

Bright light, and she's in the woods again. Alone. In the dark. Forsaken.

That's usually when the screaming starts.