Three chapters in 3 days, what do you know? Haha don't worry, I used to be one who burns bright and then burns out, but I have almost the entire fiction planned out chapter for chapter, and too much free time at work...so you'll get the entire story, don't fret.

By the way, last chapter was all about Renee self-centered behavior, and I just know she'd somehow make Bella's distress all about her and tell her that meditation is better than therapy, I just know that this is her vibe. But! But I am by no means against meditation or spirituality, I love it actually. I just value mental and a good doctor as much as a healthy lifestyle.

Chapter 3: Dr O'Neil

The office had everything you'd expect at a therapist's: an extensive library filling an entire wall, a mahogany desk, armchairs in various places, a sofa, non-committing abstract artworks, and even a little Zen garden you can play with to make pattern in the sand with the wooden spatula. Bella felt utterly awkward as the relatively young woman (maybe mid-thirties) started at her from behind her desk with a smile that screamed "I'm here to listen"

Only she had hardly anything to say.

"Miss Swan - can I call you Isabella?"

"Bella is fine" was the reflex answer she gave her.

"Bella" she corrected with a warmer smile "Your father called me because it seemed you have been having trouble adjusting to your separation with your boyfriend."

"Yes." Bella shifted in her seat.

"Would you like to tell me what happened?"

Her smile was inviting. He emoted an energy that resembled the way Jasper would look at her to calm her down. Maybe this affableness was a trick of the trade, she thought, then guessing that Jasper would have made a really good therapist. Looking up, she realized Dr O'Neil - Susan - was still waiting for an answer.

"I'm not sure…" Was her honest answer "I don't know how far I can...explain"

She was met with a puzzled look "Bella, everything you say here is doctor-patient privilege"

Yeah, but admitting to consorting with vampires was a one-way ticket to Crazy Zone. Susan went on "But you don't have to go into details today. Just explain however you can."

"Well…" Where should she begin "His name was Ed... Edmond." she saw one eyebrow rise almost unperceivably and wondered if she could tell she just made that up "He was in my high school." She fought the nausea that gripped her stomach as images of their first meeting went flashing in her mind against her will.

"He was really handsome, but always stayed with his siblings, never mingling with other students. We sat together in biology and, that's how we met." She cut the part when he almost killed her that first day. "He. He saved me from being almost crushed by a car, and we became closer after that. He…" she had to steady her breath as the emotion were threatening to take her voice "he was really intense, and protective. I couldn't believe someone like him could be interested in me." again Susan eyebrows twitched but she didn't interrupt "he was amazing. We spent all of our time together, just the two of us, and he introduced me to his family. They were all great but…" she hesitated a moment, thinking about how to phrase it. "They have a different lifestyle, that set them apart...I can't really talk about it" She looked up from her hands to check Susan's reaction, but she was still open and waited for her to resume her tale. So, she did. "He thought that this lifestyle was something he couldn't share with me, that it would...put me at risk. I wanted to try it but he...he didn't want me to. In the end, he told me that he was tired of having to constantly adjust to me and put up with our differences." She was clenching her teeth, fighting the tears. "So, he left. They all left. I don't know where they are."

There was a long silence. Susan probably waited to be sure she was done talking. Eventually she said "And how have you been doing ever since they left?"

"Fine" she said too quickly, dismissively. Susan raised a suspicious eyebrow and Bella sighed "I supposed I... have been having trouble eating and... sleeping."

"You are remarkably skinnier than you should be, in regards to your heigh, from what I can see...Have you lost a lot of weight?"

"Around...20 pounds"

"In four months?"

"Yes."

"And you are having trouble falling asleep?" she assumed, looking at my dark circles.

"No, but...I have nightmares."

"Every night?"

"Most nights."

"Would you like to tell me about it?"

No... but Bella figured that wasn't an acceptable answer. So, she went on

"Some of it is always the same. I'm alone in a dark forest and I can't find my way. I feel like I'm falling. It makes me really scared. I always wake up screaming or crying."

At that, Susan had to look through her notes before she said "Bella, in your medical file, I see that there is a police report saying you were found unconscious in a forest and stayed on bedrest with daily medical visits for a week after that." Her heart fell to her stomach. They actually had a file about that? "Did the nightmares start after that day?"

She nodded "That was the night. The night they left."

Their eyes met, and Susan straightened her glasses "Why were you in the forest?"

"I was...well, we had to talk in private. Then after he left, I was in a daze, I kept walking. After a moment I realized I was lost." Part of her tried to dissipate any misunderstanding "You file isn't correct; I wasn't really unconscious. I think I was just tired. I didn't have any energy after walking. You could say I was...in shock" gosh she made it sound much worse than it was. "It's really my fault, you see, I didn't know where I was going and I just…" She trailed off, surprised by the look of concern on Susan's eyes.

"He left you in the woods?"

She heard the scandalized undertone of her voice, so Bella rectified "It wasn't like that. He probably didn't know I would try to follow him. We didn't go that deep in the forest, I'm the one who went too far after that. It's not his fault."

Susan's brows narrowed and she wrote something on her notebook. Bella tried to read upside down but she snapped the book shut a second later.

"Bella, I have to ask. When you said his family had a different lifestyle, and that he thought you could be at risk because of it...have you ever found that to be true?"

"What?"

"Have you ever felt unsafe, or in danger, when you were in their company, or because of anything related to their lifestyle?"

Bella thought of the first time their eyes met in biology, of the way Rosalie turned to glare at her in the cafeteria, of that day in field, with Laurent, James and Victoria. Of the mirror room. Of her birthday, when a mere papercut disrupted the peace.

"Of course, many times..."

"Many times?"

"Yes, but...but it's not their fault, they can't help it. I'm the one that's inadequate. That's why I wanted to...to change, for them, to make it easier. But…"

"But he didn't want you to." She concluded.

"Yes."

"He decided to end the relationship instead."

"Yes"

"And then left you in the woods. Alone and so distraught that by the time someone found you, you were unconscious-"

"Almost unconscious"

"Almost, unconscious, crying, and suffering from severe hypothermia and dehydration."

"I was?"

"Yes, Bella, it's written right there in your medical file. You don't remember receiving an IV?"

Bella had to search hard, but that first week was really difficult to recall. It was as if her mind always blocked her, or tried to distract her away from the memories. But if she focused hard enough, it's true they attached a tube to her arm at some point. She nodded "It's all a bit foggy. That first week after they left. They said I was almost catatonic."

Susan nodded. "Bella, from everything you're telling me - and I can tell there is a great deal you're not telling me - I can sense that there were many things that made your relationship with this...Edmond, really unbalanced. The intensity of the relationship to someone that's mostly asocial or keeps to himself or his family; you said you always spent time alone, but that you felt inadequate and wanted to change for him, but that you were also - many times- put in an unsafe situation because of him - or his lifestyle" she rectified after seeing the way Bella glared at her "it all seem a bit unhealthy. Some of these very fusional and unbalanced relationships can be quite addictive, and the danger only adds to the thrill. To the point that when it ends, the fall can be devastative."

Suddenly Bella was reminded of a quote from the book they use to talk about;

"These violent delights have violent ends"

Susan nodded with a smile "Exactly. You like Shakespeare?" Bella nodded. "After Romeo is exiled, Juliet says that it would have been better for him to die. in death, Juliet could join him, but with him banished, she had to live her life knowing that he is there, somewhere, and she can never see him again."

The void in her chest echoed in understanding. Bella looked up to meet Susan's gaze. "Then' she went on "When her parents tell her to move on and marry someone else, she turns to a priest to fake her death, because she cannot imagine a life where she would love another."

"When you've been with someone like that, there is no going back" Bella whispered, ignoring the tear that had fallen on her cheek just as she said that. "I know it sounds childish, and that Time Heals and all that but...I for me it's true, it really is."

Susan nodded. "Is that how you feel Bella? As if death would be better than moving on?"

She swiftly wiped her cheek and took a tissue from the box on the mahogany desk "If you're asking me if I'm suicidal, I'm not. I just know that, to some extent, my life is over. It's like my heart had one love to give and now that it's given, there is nothing left." To this Susan gave her an empathizing smile "I'm glad you're not thinking about death. You can tell me if you ever do. Take my card, I have an emergency number." she added, pointing to a stock on cards on the desk. Bella took one just in case and Susan's eyes narrowed. "But would you believe me if I told you that you are not the first person to go through this? I do think that these feelings can pass, but the journey can be a long and painful one, and that's where I come in. I'm here to make sure your recovery time isn't turning into something else, in short, I'm here to make sure you do recover. If you let me."

"That's the thing," Bella said with a joyless laugh "I'm not sure I want to."

"I know." She said with a soft voice. "And yet here you are."

"Because my parents forced me to come" Bella snaped. She immediately regretted her tone.

Susan pursed her lips for an instant. The therapist considered going on with the current conversation but thought it would make her too defensive for a first appointment. Then, remembering something Bella said earlier, she asked "Bella, what did you mean by 'part of it was in a forest'? Do your nightmare include other recurring elements?"

To Susan's satisfaction, Bella's eye lit up, obviously more than eager to divert the conversation from the most painful subject. "Yes, I seem to be always dreaming being in a very strange and old looking place...In the dream, I'm a child, and there were people surrounding me, but I can't make out there faces, they are all wearing cloaks...There is a man holding my hand but like the others his face isn't visible. We are heading to a bright garden, and I can almost see the man's face, but then I'm taken back to the forest. That's usually when all my emotions just explode and I wake up either crying or even screaming."

Wrong choice of diversion, Susan thought. She had nothing. She could just brush it off as a non sensical dream, if there was such a thing, but if she understood her well, it seemed to be a recurrent thing. Maybe a memory…? "Is any of the details reminding you of something, a place you've been in the past maybe?" She really didn't want to imply that there was some traumatic amnesia going on, not on the first appointment. But Bella answered "Well, I have a very foggy memory of my life before we moved to Phoenix with my mom, so maybe it is a place I've visited, but I can't be sure." To this Susan had the misfortune to ask "How old where you when you moved to Phoenix?"

"Seven years old"

"So, you don't remember anything before that age?" She was almost sorry to ask. They really were going to the direction of traumatic amnesia and that's a whole lot of research she'd have to do, because that was not her thesis. She had accepted this patient as a teenage post break up depression, which she had plenty of professional experience dealing with. She'd have to consult with Michael. He's done some of his clinical time with a specialist on the subject of amnesia as a symptom, so he might have some leads to send her way.

"Well, I do remember a few things, but the little things I do remember are all foggy and weird." She shook her head, as if she was dismissive...or uncomfortable.

Dang it. They were definitely heading there. Grief after an addictive codependent relationship with a controlling partner - and maybe even abusive, what did she mean about feeling unsafe? They would definitely have to go there as well, eventually - while you're in your formative years is already a whole lot to deal with but with memories resurfacing in the middle of the night, it's no wonder her mind is eating her body. That poor girl. Susan looked at the hollowed face. She was certainly beautiful in normal circumstance; she was sure of it. But now her skin was greyish and her eyes were surrounded by purple circles, and even her hair looked malnourished.

That first appointment was an assessment to see how many sessions they might need, but Susan could see this was going to take some time. Months, maybe even a year, depending on how actively she would try to heal. Her father had agreed to fund the entire process, no matter how long it would take, bless him "Bella, I'd like to see you again next week. Would same day same hour be good for you?"

They made an appointment, and Bella took the bus home. She missed her truck. She had to find a new part time job as soon as possible to save up for a new car. She sat at the back of the bus, just behind a group of students wearing black hoodies, immersed in a lively conversation about a concert they planned to go to. From her pocket, she pulled out the card Susan had urged her to take, in case she ever felt like...dying. She wondered how she would react if she told her that her biggest dream would be for her heart to stop beating, for her skin to turn cold and hard like that of a corpse, and for her stronger desire in life to be...blood.

Two things happened at the same time. As she as raising her head, the golden light of the evening sun pierced through the bus windows and in her direction, while at the same time, one of the students in front of her tilted his head back with a laugh and his black hood fell in his shoulder, revealing locks of blond hair and glowed as the sun hit his face with its dazzling light. The sense of Deja vu was like nothing she's ever experience. It was light her eyes were opened wider, and on top of this very human laughing face, she saw another. Another head with blond curls under a black hood. The hood of a back cloak, from her dreams. Only that face was nothing like that of the young man in front of her. That face was more angular, and infinitely more beautiful to an unreal extreme. And as his bright red eyes slid shut, the sun reached his face to make it sparkle fantastically, like a million diamonds.

So! That was…something.

Look, I am not a registered therapist, so it's probably not a hundred percent accurate, but I still like this Susan girl, what do you think? Do you want to hear from her again? She was supposed to only be a transition character until Bella finally goes to Volterra, but I'm thinking of arranging for her to stay as a regular. Something tells me that having a therapist on the phone once in a while could be beneficial for Bella. Let me know if you want Susan to stay and I'll see what I can do. I have most of the fiction planned out already, but I can squeeze her in.