Chapter 22
After the ladies departed, leaving the gentlemen to pass the port. The Earl said, "Your wife appears to suit you very well, Darcy. She has much to recommend her it seems, intelligence, wit, kindness. Edmund's assessment of her was accurate. By the by, he has handled the problem of new recruits for His Majesty's Navy. I thought he would arrive in town by today but I imagine he will be here tomorrow. I find myself curious to what first drew you to her in the first place."
"It was her eyes, they are remarkable," Darcy said.
"Yes, I imagine the image of them staring up at you while you enjoyed her on your roger certainly kept you awake at night. The way you hunger after her you either are not tupping her enough or you have not tupped her yet." Seeing Darcy's features tighten, Lord Matlock said, "Don't get your feathers all ruffled. Let me give you some advice. Saite yourself on her lithe little body. My marriage with your aunt started with her disliking me. Now though the woman is content with me. She did not get that way by not tupping as often as possible."
"Father!" Col. Fitzwilliam exclaimed.
"You may leave the table if it offends your sensibilities, son. Your mother is a desirable, passionate woman, always has been. My advice is for Darcy. Pump your pego in her until you are both overcome with her release and your own release. Use your flute to make some music in her. Ride her fast and hard, some women like that. She is a vivacious, active country miss, not a wilting flower. Even a proper lady can be lusty and passionate, particularly one that is not a wilting flower. Unlock your wife's passion, Darcy, to unlock her heart. You did not fall in love with her dreaming dispassionately about her embroidery. I would wager your dreams were more so of all the ways you could push into her tight body with your engorged roger. You are her husband, you can exercise your husbandly rights. You know enough about a woman's body to make sure she is willing and that she thoroughly enjoys it. Spread her out on your desk and saite yourself on her. Put your fingers in her and play with her while you balance your accounts. Lust can lead to love for a woman. And she is more likely to fall in love with a satisfied you then a grouchy you. And a you that has not had a woman recently gets distinctively grouchy. Unless you are willing to use the services at the brothel to slake your urges while you pant after your wife waiting for her to fall in love with you."
"While I appreciate the spirit your advice was given in, Sir," Darcy said tightly. "I will not be taking it." Darcy disliked his uncle's very crude way of suggesting that Elizabeth would enjoy marital relations but recognized that in his own misguided way the earl thought he was being helpful.
"Well then I wont say anything more about the subject then. I just want to see you happy. And my wife happy. If you had a baby or two she would be over the moon. Richard has shown no sign of settling down to fill his nursery and his brother, well he against my advice married a fortune that he can barley get it up to tup. I would wager he has not visited his wife's cold bed once in the last six months. She is enough to make a man's cock shrivel. He even brought home a whore to pray on her knees for his release, if you know what I mean, before entering his wife's chamber to mount her. After the experience he went back into his own chambers and had the whore pray for his release again, that time actually releasing and not just to get it up. He might have more luck ensuring the succession if he brought the whore to his wife's bed to atttend to them both before coupling."
"As fascinating as your take on my brother's relationship with his wife is and her sexual preferences, might we discuss something different?" Col. Fitzwilliam said.
"I have stuck to all the proper topics when in mixed company tonight, allow me to speak on whatever subjects I choose over my port," the earl admonished his son. "Speaking of which I have a bit of gossip that relates to Darcy and his preferences, he might be interested in hearing."
Darcy tightened his hold on his glass but nodded. He had wanted to enscone Elizabeth and himself at Pemberley until the gossip the harlot he had scorned shared died down, but his Uncle Edmund had been adamant that he and Elizabeth show themselves off to society. The reasons he had presented had caused Darcy to agree.
"A number of the more promiscuous of the fair sex are whispering about the various ways they plan on going about getting their tender hands, and mouths, on your pego to entice you to their beds. One matron supposedly even intends to entertain you duing her own ball. You kept to yourself and evaded them for years. With the rumour mill grinding on your, I will say previously unknown virility for the sake of your sensibilities, ladies looking for an extramarital affair with you are likely to be bolder then they were before. You have been a wealthy mystery to them and they are eager to find out what is true and what is not. You know how the board young matrons of society can be. You may prefer to conceal your emotions, but you might wish to make your complete and total adoration and absorption of your new wife well known and get an announcement in the paper of your marriage," the earl said. "You might take this as a lesson learned for the future. Scorning a whore when you prize privacy is a foolish move. A whore is a whore because she does not have a moral code of conduct. A woman with no morals that is angry is going to accept an opportunity to gossip about you to another since she knew you valued privacy. Be glad that she was impressed with the physical aspects of you and your stamina, at least the gossip is positive in that regard. I about died laughing when I overheard two young matrons giggling about how good they had heard you felt in a woman's mouth and how they both wanted to try it. Knowing who their husband's are, I cannot say I am surprised they are looking to be satisfied. it is rather amusing that one time you act rather more depraved than normal is the only time the ton finds out and gossips about it."
Darcy flushed red and said tightly, "I would rather not discuss the current gossip about my previous pursuits in a brothel."
"You might not want to discuss it, but the ton does," the Earl said with a shrug. "Better to know what they are saying than to go forth in ignorance. Your Elizabeth mentioned five sisters, If they are as desirable as she is, you will have some young bucks linning up in hopes that she will throw them in the way of nubile young women."
Darcy barked out a laugh at this, realizing how similar the statement was, except for raunchier, to Mrs. Bennet saying that Bingley would throw her other daughters into the paths of rich young men. He had found Mrs. Bennet vulgar and to be a fortune hunter, the youngest two to be unmigated flirts with no sense of decorum, the middle to be a pious bore and Elizabeth's father previously indolent before traveling with him. His relatives were worse then Elizabeth's he thought wryly, just of a higher station. Lady Catherine was a true horror, his Uncle Edmund an incorrigible flirt, and the Earl raunchy. His cousin, the viscount, was a philanderer and his cousin Anne was only accomplished in being whinny. Col. Fitzwilliam, Georgiana and Lady Matlock were the only ones he had intoduced her to that behaved with any sense of decorum.