CJ sat on the couch and watched Danny sip the single malt she'd poured for him.
"We need to talk about that night in the oval office," she said quietly.
"I know."
"But we can't talk about that until we talk about - "
"What happened after Rosslyn?"
His voice was as quiet as hers, and it was all she needed in order to gravitate towards him.
"Yeah," she whispered against his neck as he put an arm around her.
"You're sure you want to revisit this?"
"We need to talk about all of it, Danny."
"Okay."
"Hey."
"Hey."
"How are you holding up?"
Carol shrugged and said, "long day for you, too, huh?"
"Yeah. Have you heard from Donna?"
"Yes. Thank you for sitting with her in the waiting room today. I'm glad she wasn't alone. I don't know what I'd do if I were in her place and it was CJ -"
Her voice trailed off.
"Yeah," Danny responded as he watched her eyes fill with tears. "Do you .. uh .. were you able to pick up her -"
"I have it right here," Carol said as she reached under her desk and pulled out a go-to bag.
"Do you want me to take it to her? I promised Josh's mother I'd be back."
"I'm heading to the hospital with it right now."
"Okay." He looked towards the office door. "She in?"
"Yes."
He waited until Carol had said her goodbyes and gone before stepping into the doorway.
"Hey .."
She looked up at him through eyes that were even more exhausted than the last time he'd seen them this close.
"Danny .."
"It's all been squared away," he said as he raised his hands. "That's not why I'm here."
"Then why are you here?"
He was about to tell her that he'd covered enough shootings and done enough research to understand the empirically supported benefit of connection over isolation, but instead he placed the plastic bag he was carrying on the coffee table, removed his coat, and started to close all of the blinds.
"What are you doing?" she asked when he turned the key in the lock.
"Checking up on you." He sat on the couch and unpacked the contents of the bag. "Turn off the lights," he added as he patted the empty space next to him.
It was proof of how exhausted she really was, he thought to himself, that she acquiesced without a word.
"You gotta eat," he said as he passed her a sandwich.
"Did you make this?"
"Yeah. I stopped over at home. Why? "
"You made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"
"I stopped at the deli and brought you a salad, too, but I thought you might prefer comfort food."
"I don't know what to say .."
"Maybe just eat the damn thing?" he said with a smile.
"Okay."
"CJ?"
"Yeah?" she asked before taking a bite.
"I really didn't want to be that guy."
"I know. If you were that guy, you wouldn't be here right now with your homemade sandwich and - oh my God, this is so good."
They sat in silence as she polished it off.
"Do you want another one?"
"You brought more than one?"
"Yeah."
"I feel like I'm hogging your dinner. Wanna split it?" she asked as she took it from him.
"I brought them for you, CJ."
Maybe it was the soft inflection in his voice, maybe it was the fact that they hadn't been so physically close to one another for a while, maybe it was the effect of the light filtering in through the blinds behind her desk which gave the moment such an intimate feel. Maybe it was just the thought of someone going out of their way to make sure she was okay, when all day the expectation had been that everyone should get on with their job. Or maybe it was the combination of all of those things, in conjunction with the events of the past twenty-four hours, which were threatening to overwhelm her.
She put the sandwich on the coffee table, covered her eyes with one hand, and took a deep breath.
Danny placed a hand on her back, and his thumb moved back and forth comfortingly as he said, "I'm glad you didn't do the morning shows."
"I couldn't remember anything until just before this morning's briefing."
"I could tell. How's your neck?"
Her hand rose instinctively to touch the angry scratches as Danny reached into the bag again and pulled out a tube.
"The guy at the pharmacy said you could put this on it."
"What is that?"
"Arnica."
She was reaching for it when there was a tap at the door and someone on the outside tried to turn the knob. The tap became more insistent when they found the door locked.
"Are you in there, CJ?"
Danny looked towards the door and put his fingers against her mouth to stop her from responding. He turned to look at her again when the person had given up and walked away, and found her staring at him.
The unspoken burden of resilience, shock, disbelief, fear, and anxiety ran across her face in such quick succession that it was hard for him to keep up. Unsure what to say, and unwilling to puncture the hushed sense of intimacy, he opted to flip the tube cap and put some cream on his index and middle fingers.
"Hold your collar aside," he said gently.
She reacted as his fingers touched her neck; more pain than cringe. But as the touch went on longer than it needed to and the fingernail on his thumb grazed more skin than the touch actually warranted, a tiny moan escaped her lips, her eyes cut to his, and they were suddenly in dangerous territory.
Her fingers slid down the forearm of his sweater and curled around the edge of his sleeve, drawing his eyes to the spot. When he raised them again, her mouth was hovering so close to his that he could feel the reverberation of her shallow breathing.
He felt a small rush as her lips brushed lightly against his jaw.
"This isn't a good idea, I know."
She blinked several times and Danny froze in place. He had never thought of butterfly kisses as sexual, but the sensation of her eyelashes making contact with his cheek made his body ripple.
"CJ .."
"I know .."
He endured the sound of her moistening her lips with difficulty, and shivered when her mouth nipped at his earlobe.
"Stop. CJ, look at me."
She looked around, trying to look anywhere but at him, because she knew her eyes would betray her need for an intimacy she knew he would give her - even if he shouldn't.
"CJ .."
The look of longing in her eyes took his breath away. This was new, his mind registered. There was something there beyond a vulnerability he could attribute to the situation at hand, and it drew him like the moth to the proverbial flame. It was impossible to tell who made the first move. Perhaps the fact their noses bumped in the process meant that they'd made it together, but Danny waited for a moment and then took the initiative; winding his fingers into her hair and drawing her in. He placed a tentative kiss on her lips and then sat stock still as she returned the gesture.
They stared at each other - fully aware they were teetering on the edge of something that would tip the balance between them - and Danny had to remind himself that he had come to offer support, not take advantage of her, and resist the urge to press his advantage. When he thought he might drown in her eyes, he caressed her face with the back of his hand and pulled them, reluctantly, back to the reality that they inhabited.
"Are you planning to go to the hospital?"
"Yes."
"Have you slept at all since last night?"
"A little bit here and there."
"'kay, so how about we close our eyes for a while and then head over to GW?"
"Here?"
"Yeah. I promised Josh's mother that I'd go back. I'll take her and Donna out to dinner while you visit with Josh."
"What if we don't wake up?"
"I'll set an alarm on my phone if it makes you feel better."
"Okay."
She slipped off her shoes and curled her legs on the couch while he took care of that.
"Put your head in my lap," Danny said as he pulled his overcoat down from the back of the couch, draped it over her, and ran his hand up and down her shoulder.
She fell asleep a lot faster than she thought she would, and it felt like only moments later that Danny was shaking her gently and telling her that it was time to go.
"You okay to drive?" he asked as he helped her into her coat when she'd pulled herself together sufficiently.
"Probably not."
"Then ride with me. I can drop you off at the entrance. Nobody will know. Are Sam and Toby at the hospital?"
"I imagine so."
"Maybe one of them can drive you home afterwards?"
"Okay."
"Okay."
"Danny?"
He looked over at her as he was slipping into his own coat.
"Yes?"
It was on the tip of her tongue to talk about conflicts of interest, how grateful she was that he'd pulled them back from the edge, and how she wished that one or the other of them had a different job.
Instead she just said "thank you," and hoped he'd understand.
Danny gave her a rueful smile.
"You bet."
"Do you want a refill before we move on?" Danny asked as CJ shifted in his arms.
"Yes."