Chapter 4- Normal- Bram

So when did normal get to be so great? For the longest time, my normal was so much harder. When I was in high school it felt like I was navigating landmines; constantly trying to pretend to be straight with the soccer guys, feeling a rush of adrenaline each time I picked up my phone, hoping I had a message from Jacques. In high school, it's like everybody is strained about something. And everyone is fixated on each other. Normal was just getting through another day. Now, it's like someone opened the door, and life is so much different now. I feel so incredibly relaxed even though the work is a lot harder. My relaxation stems from being openly gay with Simon at college. I don't need to worry about having to explain myself to anyone. I love the challenge in my bio classes, and I've felt overall more bouyant. Like I've been given a new lease on life. Simon has also been transformed, and even though he misses his friends, he's coping. Maybe some of it is the joy of being able to see Simon at any hour of the day. To sleep over 5 days in a row if we want to in each others' dorm rooms. To be as affectionate as we want and not have to hide anything. That alone has given me so much peace. For the longest time, I've wanted to love Simon in the open the way I love him in my mind. Sure, by the end of high school we were more open, but we contained ourselves. We kept ourselves in check constantly. It was tough and stifling. Now Simon and I walk hand in hand everywhere. We kiss in the green. And we curl up on couches in the library. Life at Dartmouth just works.

Looking back on the first three months of school, I've really come a long way. It certainly didn't start easy. And in terms of normal, even my "new normal", it was barely that as well. It really began in my first class. It was a basic Biology 101 level class for all life science majors. I was glad I took AP Bio in high school, I wanted to be able to keep up easily and spend more time on my Gen Chem class. I took a seat in the second row and gazed around to see how many others were in the class. It was a fairly small lecture hall, only about 30 students. Almost all my classmates were firing up laptops or gazing at their phones. Most of the students were guys, and they were pretty spread out from each other. A cute dark haired boy in glasses was sitting at the end of my row. He looked like Harry Potter. A boy with short curly hair and a bored expression sat on the far right of the room. In front of me, two guys that new each other were laughing and watching a clip on youtube. I turned all the way in my seat and froze. What I was seeing made no sense to me at all, because it could not be real.

No one looked that good. A blonde boy with red tinted hair was doodling on a piece of paper, and he was just... a god, there was no other word for it. His skin was pale and his features were sculpted and flawless. My mouth went dry and all I could do was blink. His beauty was confounding. The professor came in, so I turned my attention back to him but I was frazzled. It was just so peculiar. So beyond anything I was prepared for. I was certain I'd meet hot guys at Dartmouth, but that fact would never change anything about Simon and I. And it still remained true. But this guy was otherworldly, and it bothered me. I couldn't explain why it did, but I was unsettled. I took in about half of what the professor said and tried to write some notes but I was still preoccupied. I didn't turn around again after that first look, but I felt a burning desire to turn around again. By the end of class, I couldn't help myself, and I did again. Just to check that I wasn't crazy. He was still there sliding his papers into a leather backpack. He didn't even look up. I wondered how Simon would react to him. Would he also be confused and perhaps alarmed by his beauty? I wished I could take a picture to show Simon, but of course I wouldn't. When he raised his head to look up I turned back around so fast that I knocked my iced coffee over and it drenched my notebook. Ugh. Mortified, I got up and I asked the professor if there were any paper towels in the room and he handed me a roll. I jogged back up the stairs to my seat and almost ran into the guy. I looked up and met his confused gaze. His eyes were like a golden honey and it took my breath away just looking into his face. I had no idea what I was going to say.

"Do you need some help?" he asked. His voice was smooth and rich. It was also beautiful, just like everything else about him. I even smelled something like a rich perfume scent coming off of him.

"Thanks, I'm good," I managed because it was difficult for me to talk to cute guys. I turned to my mess, grateful I could look away from his face. It was like I was being mesmerized.

Dazed I made my clumsy puppet hands tear off paper towels to soak up the mess.

"Were these your notes?" came the musical voice again and I turned to see the guy looking at my drowned notebook. I stared again and then remembered I was supposed to answer.

"Umm...yes, they were," I said and turned back to the mess. I felt like I needed a slap to the face to clear my head.

"Well, I doubt you could use these, would you like a copy of mine?" he asked politely. At this point, the only people left in the room were me, this guy, and the professor. I glanced at him again and something about the way he was looking at me, the strange golden eyes, and his welcoming tone made me blurt my answer.

"Sure, that would be great." I said.

"I wrote my notes, why don't we make a copy at the library." He said, then reached down and picked up half the sopping wet towels. I picked up my half and we threw them out in the waste bin while walking out of the room. Walking next to him out of the science building and into the early twilight was odd. Odd because he didn't seem to be making any noise at all as he walked. It was like he drifted next to me. His movements were so lithe as well. Like it was a dance more than a casual stroll.

"Do you know where the library is?" I asked, to kill the awkward silence as we walked.

"Yes, it's over here," He said leading the way. At the library he deftly made copies of the notes and passed me a freshly printed stack.

"Thanks," I said embarrassed. I wasn't exactly sure what to say or do next. I was getting hungry. Simon was likely wondering where I was. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I groaned. My companion raised his eyebrow looking fascinated.

"Oh it's nothing, I'm late for dinner," I said. I felt strange. Announcing my plans after he did this nice thing for me and not offering to invite him. I took a chance and decided to ask.

"If you want you can join me, I really appreciate the notes," I said.

"I'm late as well, but maybe next time.." he said and he paused, clearly hoping to hear my name.

"Bram," I said reaching my hand out to shake his. At that moment he dropped his backpack.

"Whoops," he said reaching down to pick it up instead of shaking my hand. "I'm Edward," he said, putting his bag over his shoulder. "I'll see you in class tomorrow Bram, nice to meet you." He said and turned to go. Before he did, the strangest look crossed his face. It was almost like something frustrated him. But I could have easily imagined it.

The next day Edward sat next to me. As nice a gesture as this was, it made concentrating in class a lot more challenging. I was almost grateful when class ended and I could get away from him. Then I could finally breathe easy again. Simon was busy at a late theatre lab on Tuesdays, so I decided to have a late night run to learn some of the streets of Hanover.

It felt great to be active again. I sorely missed the soccer field, and how freeing it was to fly down the field with my teammates. I found myself running faster and faster and forced myself to slow down. After a few minutes I came across Hanover's high school and spotted a big open field behind the school. It made me ache for my high school's field at home. I wondered how Nick was doing in New York. I stopped when I saw someone running around the field, using the remaining daylight. I heard a buzz in my ear and swatted a mosquito away as I moved closer. The late summer night smelled rich in the humid evening air. I smiled when I spotted a soccer ball on the ground.

I made to move toward it when I noticed the person who was playing with it had stopped and was staring. It was a young guy roughly around my age with really dark hair and tan skin. He was wearing workout clothes and seemed a bit hot from playing.

"Hey sorry to interrupt you, I just saw you playing soccer and I couldn't help but stop. I used to play for years in high school," I said.

"S'ok, I never played in high school but I really enjoy it now. Are you local?" He picked up the ball and tucked it under his arm.

"Sort of. I go to the college but I'm from Georgia," I answered.

"No southern accent though," he said smiling. He had a really white smile and shaggy hair. He was pretty attractive. Athletic and easy going enough.

"Are you local?" I asked.

"I'm new to the area. I've only been here for a few weeks. Originally I'm from Washington State."

"Wow that's really far. Anyways, I won't take up too much of your time I just wanted to check out the soccer." I said starting to turn away.

"Want to have a scrimmage? I don't really mind. I enjoy the competition," he said.

I didn't exactly have the right clothes for it but I really couldn't help myself. I liked competition as well.

"Sure," I said entering the field. I looked around and spotted a net under the shade of an oak tree. The grass was about medium height. Not exactly ideal for soccer but still not bad. He started dribbling the ball and it became immediately apparent to me that he was athletic. He didn't seem to be a soccer expert, but he made the movements look really easy. He passed the ball to me playfully and I had 5 minutes to show off my skills. It felt great having a ball after a few weeks of hiatus from soccer. I passed it back to him and somehow, even though neither of us said it, the game started.

He raced for the goal and I felt myself automatically race after him. He was fast. Quicker than I expected. And it was so much more than that. I was panting as I tried to catch up but he seemed to move with ease. I really underestimated his athletic ability. He easily got the first goal. When we resumed play again I managed to get the ball from him but I had this nagging feeling that he let me. I thought he wasn't an exceptional soccer player but his athletic skills so far outmatched my own, that it made up for it. The game was vigorous and getting increasingly rough. He eventually beat me to 10 with me finishing with 8. Not bad considering I was slightly out of practice.

We plopped down in the grass afterward both breathing pretty hard. Although again, I had this slightly strange feeling that he was not as out of breath as he sounded.

"What's your name?" He asked in a husky voice. I was thrown for a minute by how attractive it sounded.

"Bram, what's yours?"

"Jake. That was a pretty good game, Bram. Glad you walked by." I smiled. This Jake seemed extremely laid-back. He played a game of soccer with a stranger and seemed nice enough.

"I was waiting for a friend of mine but he's taking too long," he said and there was a note of annoyance in his voice.

"Oh? Is he is good as you?" I asked sitting up and getting ready to get to my feet.

"He thinks so" he said and he raised his voice slightly which was odd until I heard a chuckle not far behind us. I turned around quickly and saw with a surprise, that it was Edward. I looked back at Jake and realized that he must have known he was there otherwise he wouldn't have raised his voice. But like usual, I didn't hear Edward at all. Huh.

"Sorry I'm late but it looks like you had a game anyway. Hey Bram," he added casually. "Didn't expect to see you here." And I noticed that Jake gave him a funny look, like what he said took him by surprise somehow. Again I felt like my imagination was running wild. I got to my feet and so did Jake. We walked over to where Edward was. He was dressed in athletic gear, still looking exceptionally good-looking. He could be a model for Nike.

"Well you snooze you lose, I'm done for the night," said Jake reaching down and picked up a backpack I didn't notice at first and put the soccer ball in it.

"I'm surprised you tired so quickly," he said, and I noted the sarcasm. Jake frowned at him but let it go, swinging the backpack onto his shoulders and jumping over the short wooden fence. I followed suit and the three of us started walking back toward the college.

"What kept you?" He asked conversationally.

"Some unexpected things came up," he answered evasively. And again Jacob had a strange reaction. He looked concerned for moment and then Edward shook his head. An odd exchange.

"So do you go to the college too?" I asked Jacob.

" Nope I'm a civilian," he answered.

"How do you guys know each other?" I asked and they shared a brief look.

"We're both from Washington and right now we're roommates," supplied Edward. Wow. Incredible that I managed to stumble into Edward's roommate two days after meeting him.

When we were back at the college Jake and Edward turned to walk down a street leading away from it.

"See you tomorrow Bram," said Edward in a pleasant tone.

"Good game," said Jake. "Catch you later?" He asked.

"Yeah, I think I'd love a rematch" I responded. Jake nodded and they disappeared into the night. I walked back to my dorm room, thoughtfully. It was odd, the two of them. Jake with his unerring athletic prowess and Edward with his incredible good looks. It seemed too good to be true.

Over the next month I got to know both of them more. Although Jake wasn't a student, he popped up on campus a lot to see Edward. They often included me when walking from building to building. Eventually we started hanging out at a campus coffee shop even though I noticed neither of them drank coffee. We chatted about classes and everyday stuff. They never seemed to talk too much about themselves though. In the evenings I would play a competitive game of soccer with Jake. I occasionally worked in the library with Edward on biology stuff. It was nice to find friends outside of my relationship. It made my life more balanced.

After meeting them, the next week was certainly more interesting. Simon had befriended two girls named Bella and Ness from his theatre classes. It turned out that they were friends of Jake and Edward as well. We were in the coffee shop when they showed up and Simon was with them. It was quite a pleasant surprise. Edward and Jake were pretty reserved guys, but I noticed almost immediately that these were their girlfriends, even though they didn't introduce them as such.

They didn't figure it out at first, but eventually it became clear to them that Simon was my boyfriend. As we got to know each other, Simon and I were more open with each other, holding hands. It didn't change anything. They all seemed perfectly comfortable with gay people. It was a nice change to experience.

After 2 months, the six of us met at the coffee place almost every day. I knew that in the space of a year, we probably be close friends like the cast of Friends. I really liked it. In that time though, I did pick up on how strange they were. Bella was simply mesmerizing. She was equally as flawlessly beautiful as Edward. It was clear how much they belonged together. She also had pale skin and golden eyes. I wondered if they were wearing some sort of fashionable contact lenses. Ness was beautiful as well, but not quite as strikingly different.

They must have been on special diets, because Bella and Edward never ate any of the coffee house food. Jake and Ness did, but it was seldom. We never met at the coffee house during the day. It seemed like Jake was never free until early evening. Edwards morning classes were on the opposite side of campus, so I never saw him. Bella had a morning job, so her classes were all in the evenings. She said she needed it to pay for college. Edward's father was a doctor, so he was paying for Edward's tuition. Ness said her parents were covering her tuition as well. And Jake said he had a local job at one of the restaurants outside of Hanover.

Sometimes, Ness met up with Simon and I for lunch at the dining commons. She had morning classes with Simon. They really clicked, both theater nerds. She reminded me of Leah a little bit. She was a really caring person. It hadn't been long, but it was clear that she was invested in her friendship with Simon. I liked this because Simon had other people in his life now as well.

I spent the most time with Jake in the evenings playing soccer. Edward helped me a lot in bio;he really seemed to have a knack for the subject. Thanks to some study sessions, I did pretty well on the midterm. He got a perfect score. He didn't flaunt it but he was the top of the class.

Bella was the quietest of the group. She was difficult to read. She didn't talk about her life much outside of what was going on in her classes with Ness and Simon. It was just her personality, I realized. And in that way, she was the closest to my personality. Her relationship with Edward seemed extremely stable. It was apparent they were very happy together. There was also a quiet happiness between Ness and Jake. She was the life of the conversation and he was completely drawn to her, engrossed in everything that she said. It reminded me of how I felt about Simon.

I learned that the four of them lived in a house together, splitting the rent. They all came from Washington, where they knew each other previously. It must have been great; traveling with your close friends and going to college together. In that way, they were similar to Simon and I.

After midterms, I started to notice that something was off. Something was worrying them. They didn't talk about it, but they seemed strained for a few weeks. I didn't meet with them as much during that time. Everyone was extremely busy. Winter was almost underway, so Jake and I didn't meet for soccer anymore either. The theatre crew also had a play coming up and we're frequently tied up at play practice or set design.

In class Edward seemed really withdrawn. Something was wrong and I debated asking him about it but I didn't want to pry. Simon noticed it too. Bella was acting similarly. I guess that maybe it was money trouble or something wrong with relatives. I hoped it wasn't too serious. I missed how light-hearted it used to be at the coffee house. We didn't say anything though, and pressed on like nothing was wrong. In December Edward started missing a few classes, which was really unlike him. I kept the notes up and sent them to him. Eventually I brought it up before Christmas.

"I've noticed you've been withdrawn lately. Is everything okay?" I asked as we walked through the snow after class had just ended.

He seemed surprised by my comment but then smiled slightly.

"Yeah there's just some family trouble back in Washington."

"Oh, I hope it's nothing too serious."

"No, we might go back to Washington for a while. Christmas break really is welcome."

I didn't want to pry about his family but I also wanted to express interest.

"Do you have many brothers or sisters?"

"Yes. My father adopted myself and my two sisters and two brothers."

"Oh wow I never knew your family was so big," I said.

"I lost my parents many years ago, and and my father adopted me first. I was closely followed by my sister Rosalie and brother Emmett. My parents adopted Alice and Jasper years later. I'm really grateful to my father for adopting me. He's done so much for me," he said his tone sincerely appreciative.

"Is your father married?" I asked.

"Yes, his wife Esme is a loving mother," he replied and then I told him about my family and how my dad had Caleb 17 years after having me. He told me that Bella was close to her mother before she moved in with her father Charlie after her mother got married. She was originally from Phoenix. He told me that Jacob was actually a member of an indian tribe and he previously lived on a reservation on the Olympic Peninsula. Renesmee's parents lived in a town called Forks, the same town where Charlie was the chief of police. He didn't tell me much about them.

"Anyway, things should go back to normal after we visit home." The snow started falling and we parted ways. I headed back to my dorm where Simon was supposed to meet me.

It was lovely curling up with Simon under a blanket as the snow fell outside. We decided to stay in New Hampshire for Christmas. We loved experiencing our first White Christmas. And it felt really nice to have it all to ourselves. We could start our own traditions and decorate our own tree, of course also lighting a menorah as well, only not for too long because it wasn't safe in the dorms. As Edward had said, the four of them returned home during the holiday. I was hoping that when they returned, we could get back to our carefree days at the coffee house. Everything back to normal.