Nightfall

by HarrySavesMe

Six years after the events of Breaking Dawn, Jacob, Renesmee, Bella, and Edward decide to attend Dartmouth College..together! Meanwhile Simon and Bram are also new to Dartmouth, glad to be free, and especially relieved to be together. But paths cross, and with dawning horror, they learn their world isn't as safe or normal as they thought it was. Bella/Edward, Simon/Bram, Jake/Ness

14. Chapter 14: The Truth (Renesmee)

:: This chapter contains sexual content::

Renesmee- The Truth - Chapter 14

Something was wrong with Jake, and I couldn't understand. We were home. The worst part was over. We were free, so why was my boyfriend so upset, and especially, why wasn't he telling me? I noticed it right away when we reunited. He was over the top relieved to be together again. Me also, and we had hugged and kissed. It was in the kiss. It was sweet but then it ended before it could grow. I thought it was because he was eager to get out of the castle, as was I, but on the plane ride home it happened again. The kisses were loving, but he was holding back. By the time we got back to Forks, I noticed that he seemed to have trouble holding my eye contact, like he couldn't look at me. And his ability to be affectionate vanished. I decided I was being paranoid, and he was obviously still very upset about being captured and held prisoner. But then he saw me less at home. He spent more time at La Push, saying he would be back later, but then, just crashing there.

I found I couldn't get alone with him easily, and before all of this, alone time is all we craved. I couldn't understand this. And my suspicions felt so weak, the whole thing may sound crazy if I talked to someone else about it. I didn't mention it to Jake, because I was worried it was something I had done. Eventually, after Jake did not respond to my sensual advances after a hunting trip, almost pretending not to notice I was seducing him, I decided to talk to someone. I went home and found dad reading on the couch by the fire.

"Where's mom?" I asked coming in and shutting the door.

"Mom is shopping with Aunt Alice," he said smiling in a way that I interpreted that Mom was a bit grumpy about this. He looked at me and I knew he was reading my disappointed thoughts.

"But I can try to help you with something if you'd like?" He offered kindly. Maybe it was better this way. I sat down next to him and stared into my father's golden eyes.

"I'm worried about Jake, something's wrong and I don't know what it is or why," I said looking at him. His expression didn't change. I couldn't tell if he knew something I didn't. He had an excellent poker face.

"What makes you think this?" He asked carefully.

"He's avoiding me and acting strange. He barely can look at me sometimes, and well, I know you hate this, but our intimacy has almost disappeared. I'm worried I did something wrong," I said, feeling the truth of this fear hurt me as I said it.

"Have you talked to him about this?" He asked.

"Well, no, because I'm afraid I'm imagining things. I don't want to bring it up if it isn't real," I said, not exactly saying my other concerns.

"I think it sounds like a real concern," he said. "If Jacob seems distant there is likely a reason why," he said.

"But he would have told me. He tells me everything. The fact that he didn't seems ominous," I said. My dad looked conflicted. And in that moment, I knew he knew something was wrong. He read my mind and looked at me.

"I think he is going through a lot because of Volterra. And I think you should offer to talk about it," he said. Offer. I thought.

"Yes, because if you put him on the spot, he may want to talk less. I think the best course is to offer to talk to him if he has anything on his mind. That way, it's still his decision and it alerts him to your concerns," he said. I knew at once he was right. My dad is really wise. But also very very good at lying. Is it serious dad? I pressed mentally. He didn't blink, but I knew he was troubled.

"You need to talk to him when he's ready," he said and I knew at that point he wasn't going to tell me anything else. Jake had obviously told him things in confidence. It hurt that he told him and not me. My father did not comment on my thoughts. I nodded and then left the house, hopefully able to find Jake.

Outside I dialed his cell. He answered immediately.

"Hey." He sounded normal enough.

"Hey, where are you?" I asked, not trying to sound negative, but equally relaxed.

"I'm at first beach," he answered.

"Can I come over there?" I asked, feeling weird because we literally never needed to make plans before. We just assumed we would be together.

There was a pause, and then a beat too late he said, "Sure, I'll see you soon." Then he hung up. And I couldn't help feeling how weird all of this was. I was mostly worried I wouldn't be able to contain myself when I got there. I didn't want to emotionally lose control, or get accusatory. I should try to talk less and listen more. I decided to take mom's motorcycle over.

About 15 minutes later I was pulling up at the beach. Jake heard the motorcycle and came to meet me. I felt better when he got that dreamy look in his eyes when he saw me; very classic Jake. I went willingly into his warm tan arms.

"Hi," he said pleasantly, inhaling the smell of my hair.

"Hi yourself, having a beach day?" I asked kissing his chest then looking into his eyes.

"Yeah, there was a bit of sunlight. Quill visited for a while. It was nice," he said, smiling.

"Do you mind if I join you on the beach for a few more minutes?" I asked him, oddly formal.

"Sure," he said and his eyes tightened for a moment. I wondered if Dad called him.

He led me to a towel he had and we sat down. Normally I'd climb into his lap but today I sat cross legged and faced him. He copied me. He looked into my face and I felt like he was afraid of something. It made me uneasy. But his face was then suddenly a mask. I could have imagined the fear. Neither of us said anything and eventually I realized he was waiting for me to talk.

"Jake... Is..." I struggled not wanting to get too heavy too fast. I changed the question.

"Are we okay?" I asked. And I felt it was fair, we were in a serious relationship. Check ins were expected.

He blinked looking surprised. "You mean, you and me? Us together?" He clarified. And I was relieved he looked so surprised.

I nodded. "Of course Ness, my God..." He said and then this strange look crossed his face again, like maybe he suddenly was worried if we really were. "You're everything to me. It's never changing," he vowed, and his eyes were clear. I knew there was no deception. "Why?" He asked and I heard the tight anxiety again.

"Well... It's just. Since Volterra, something feels wrong. Like... Like maybe you're upset about something involving me..I don't really know," I said peering into his carefully composed face. "I mean, it just feels like you're closed off from me, and I'm worried it's my fault.." I said and my voice broke on fault. I struggled to reel in my emotions. He looked upset.

"No... No... Ness, nothing is your fault," he said and pulled me into a hug. "Please don't think that honey," he said and kissed my forehead. But he didn't comment on the bulk of the statement. He didn't deny anything or explain anything. I remembered how dad told me to offer not demand.

"Okay, I'm glad. I just wanted to make sure," I said. We sat quietly for a moment and I felt his racing heartbeat. I puzzled over it. I turned to look into his eyes. They looked grave before they cleared to focus on me. "Jake, you know that if you want to talk to me about anything. Anything bothering you, or whatever else. You can. I'm here for you," I said reaching up to stroke his hair. He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes.

"I know, and I appreciate it," he said. And that was it. He looked at me and I looked back and he didn't start confiding in me. I waited and felt slightly disappointed when he didn't. I hoped my face was clear. Then I snuggled back into his chest looking away, feeling as though the conversation didn't really work at all. And my boyfriend was very foreign at the moment to me. But being captured, separated...obviously it was traumatic. Maybe he was having trouble being close to me because he thought we were going to die, or I was, and he was not over the shock of that emotion yet . He stroked my hair.

"You have a lot on your mind?" He asked, and it didn't exactly sound calm.

I decided to lie. It made two of us then. "Just normal stuff," I commented. I wondered if he knew when I did lie, and when I didn't. When the sun was setting we got up and looked into each other's faces. He looked stressed for a person who spent the day on the beach.

"Can I come over later to hang out with you guys?" He asked, and something about the question made me feel like he forced it.

"Sure, I'll see you tonight," I said and kissed his lips. Then I rode the motorcycle back.

My parents were watching the news at home, but I got the feeling they had just stopped talking when I walked in. They smiled. "Hey, have a good night?" Dad asked.

"Yeah, went to first beach. Jake should be coming by," I said, voice faltering because my mother's expression didn't seem genuine. She was also stressed. I couldn't help but feel a small spike of anger, because it seemed like I was being left out of something big. And maybe they thought I was just too childish or young or weak enough to hear it. The anger surprised me. Dad looked at me, but didn't change his expression. Thoughts were thoughts. And sometimes they couldn't be controlled.

I went to my room to try and distract myself until Jake came. About 40 minutes later I heard him chatting with my parents in the living room. His tone seemed calm enough. But often, Jake talked to my dad without talking. So really, I didn't know anything for sure. When I went back, the atmosphere touched me. Jake was sitting next to my mom on the big couch and dad was sitting on the loveseat near the fireplace.

"Want to sit near me?" He asked smiling. I couldn't help but smile back then sat next to him. Then we all looked at each other and I felt as though this was planned. It felt like an intervention. At least, it was my instinct. I knew because my mom was worried and looking at Jake, who was pale. I didn't say anything, because whatever it was, I was about to hear it, and speculating was becoming too painful. I looked at Jake. He looked like he had something stuck in his throat, and he didn't meet my eye contact.

"We wanted to talk about Volterra if you don't mind," dad said to me. I got the impression he was sparing Jake.

"What's wrong, is there still danger?" I asked.

"No, no everything seems clear. That's what Alice reports. No, I... We just wanted to talk more about it," he said, smiling. Jake finally found his voice.

"Before we surrendered ourselves, your dad talked to me about why they could have possibly chosen me," Jake said, looking directly at me, and something about it sounded like he had perhaps rehearsed this.

"It's because you're a werewolf right? They wanted guard dogs or something similar?" I said.

"Well, it turns out not exactly. At least it's not why they took me," he said. I felt palpable tension.

"Why then?" I asked what felt like an unnecessary question into the silence.

Jake looked at dad, and he looked stressed. Then he continued. "We talked about how they seemed to have been breeding half vampires like the ones who attacked us when we saved Simon. And if you remember what that blonde vampire said, it was that I had a genetic quality that interested Aro," he said, and I could tell that, whatever this was, it was the thing he was trying to avoid telling me for some time. I didn't understand why this piece of information was something he kept to himself. He looked at me, as if hoping I would understand the problem from this information alone. Then he looked at my dad, and obviously, dad communicated that I didn't get it. He frowned.

"So, he wanted your DNA? Is that it? Did he end up taking it from you?" I asked trying to move this forward.

He gulped and it hurt me how much he seemed to be upset, because I loved him and I never wanted him to feel this way talking to me. I wanted to sit in his lap and tell him he could say anything. He didn't have to worry, but I held my position.

"Well... Yes and no. He didn't take samples of DNA, but he did want my genetic...seed, I guess," he said. Seed. I thought about it and I started to feel an ice cold chill in the pit of my stomach. I pushed it back. I didn't want to know yet what my subconscious figured out. It was bad. Hopefully, whatever it was, was wrong.

I stared and he looked upset but continued. "He wanted his own set of werewolves I guess. He did want guard dogs, just... the next generation," he said. I stared at him unable to speak and I felt a strange swooping sensation and I slightly disconnected from me sitting on the couch. I felt my father take my hand, but I couldn't squeeze back. What was Jake telling me? Aro wanted werewolves, just not him?

Jake looked at my mother and her expression was the one I associated with comforting. She took his hand and held it. His eyes looked overbright. "So...so...he.." and I was horrified as his eyes filled with tears, but I was the only one surprised by this.

"..he told me..he.. would...would kill you, and me... us... If I didn't cooperate, in helping him breed the next generation," he managed. And then he looked at me crying and looking so afraid, and I realized he was afraid of me. And the cold feeling filled me and finally the loathsome missing piece clunked into place. And I felt like I was being sat down to be told something reminiscent to hearing that Grandpa died, because this couldn't be really happening, like I couldn't imagine that.

"N..no.." I whispered, mind blocking out what he was saying. He looked tortured seeing that I was getting it. I looked to Dad and he looked stressed and upset. "No..." I begged him too, voice weak. "Tell me... Tell me... It didn't..." I heard myself say as if from a distance. "Ness..." dad said concern in his voice. And then I was crying somehow, and looking at Jake, who looked guilty and pained.

"Jake... No.. He didn't make you...?" I managed. He gasped and more tears ran down his face. He nodded and then held his face. My mother put her arm around him and I heard her quietly crooning words of comfort to him.

"With who..." I whispered into the silence other than our noises of distress. But the ears in the room knew what I said.

"Other... Other half vampires..." He choked, not able to look at me. And unbidden to me, I felt anger. Anger that he was with other women who weren't me. And this, of course, was the reason he was so upset. He felt guilt for betraying me. And for a full minute, I couldn't rationalize with myself that the anger wasn't fair. All I tried to do was keep it off my face while I grasped around in my head for reason. Jake looked up and I thought he saw it on my face. And all his fears and guilt were confirmed, his face went white and his breathing stopped for a moment.

"Oh.. Oh God, Ness I'm so... so s..sorry..." He sobbed, his breaths coming as gasps. He looked at my mother, a pleading look. And she got up and led him by the hand. He followed her like a sleepwalker, fleeing me and my unfair selfish anger.

"W...wait... Jake... I'm.. " I managed, mood swinging to guilt fast. Like a sword to the gut. And I got lost in my tears.

"Let him... Let him have a moment," dad comforted me, a tremor in his voice. Then he hugged me as I cried in pain and guilt and fear for the hell Jake went through away from me. And he never told me. It made everything in the past two weeks make sense. All his strange behaviors?... It was... It was..

"PTSD," dad said quietly. "It was PTSD honey. He's having a hard time," he said stroking my hair. I pulled away to look at him with teary eyes.

"He.. He said you talked before we surrendered..." I managed. His eyes were defensive and concerned.

"Yes... we thought it might be a possibility," he said.

"But why! Why didn't he tell me, why did he still surrender if he knew it was..." I felt abruptly sick. Like I never had before. I turned away. Dad handed me a trash can and I threw up into it. I spit and coughed. Vomiting was unpleasant. With dad's coaxing, I rinsed my mouth out in the sink.

"Are you okay?" He asked, sounding concerned.

"Yes... I'll be fine..." I said. I leaned against the kitchen table.

"He didn't tell you because he knew you wouldn't let him surrender. That you would want to run," he said. Yes. I thought in my mind. Yes that's what I would have done. I never would have expected him to... do this.

"So why... why didn't he... We could have..." I said, more tears falling.

"No Ness... No. We're convinced at this point, you most likely would have died if you had. They have trackers. Alice would have been blind," dad told me gently.

"So. So he did this, all of this.. just to keep me alive?" I said, somehow sounding incredulous.

"Yes, and I would have done it to save you and your mother. I would have done anything to keep you alive," he said fervently. And that's what it was. At the end of the day... Jake would do anything to protect me.

"But... now.. It feels like my fault he was..." I couldn't say it. I couldn't say it but yes... It was rape. I understood.

"No," dad said with real feeling. "No, both of you are blaming yourselves. The only one to blame is Aro. You love each other. If the roles were reversed, would you have done the same?" He asked. And my tears paused, because the answer was yes.

"So he exploited your love to get what he wanted..." He said.

"And the half vampires..." I asked. The ones that may or may not have had Jake's child growing in them.

"We killed them all. We couldn't take chances. Also can you imagine..." He moaned. Right. Could I imagine Jake's pain of having kids out there, slaves to the Volturi? It was the right thing to do. They all had to die. And Jake, my poor sweet Jake who was nervous to have sex with me the first time... They used him. I felt sick. Sick with myself for not supporting him more when he bared his soul to tell me this.

"Please can I see him..." I whispered in a dead voice. "Please...I don't want him to think I'm upset with him..." I said. Dad took out his phone and dialed mom.

"She wants to see him," he said. There was a pause. "No," he said, answering a question. "Alright," he said. He closed the phone.

"She thinks it would help him. She's having trouble consoling him." I felt so awful... So hated and evil for making him feel like he was bad... wrong..

"No. It was a terrible thing to learn. You can't help the emotions that follow. You know now not to be mad at him. That's the best you can do sweetheart," he said and kissed my temple. "He's in your room," he said kindly. I looked at him and understood why he couldn't tell me. Jake needed him to get through the trauma. It wasn't right to resent my parents for helping him.

"Thank you," he said gratefully to me. I walked to my room and knocked on the door. My mother answered. Her face was pinched in vampire crying. I hugged her and she hugged me back. She pulled away then nodded. Understanding I wanted to talk to him alone.

He was sitting on my bed, holding his head in his hands.

I approached him slowly, upset by the faint sounds of his , weeping.

"Baby... It's me..." I said gently sitting next to him. He looked at me, face teary and swollen, and moved away slightly, looking afraid. "No... No honey... It's okay," I said gently, stomach twisting from his reaction, tears racing down my face. He looked at me and I knew I saw a sliver of hope on his face that I didn't blame him. I reached out and held his face and I shared with him my feelings through touch. That I loved him, and didn't blame him, and didn't want him to feel guilty. He started crying again, overwhelmed. Perhaps with relief, I didn't know. Or the realization that he could finally share this awful thing with me that he had been wanting to. Wanting to be comforted be me. I wrapped my arms around him and held him gently. He rested his head on the nape of my neck. "It's okay baby I'm here... I'm here..." I consoled him. He kept crying softly and I stroked his back. "I'm so sorry honey... I'm so sorry...I love you.. I'll never leave you... I'm not mad at you honey," I told him gently. He hugged me back like I was his lifeline. He was mine. "You didn't do anything wrong sweetheart... Don't feel bad honey," I said and kissed his face. He made a moaning sound, and I knew he was still in pain and shock over what happened to him. My poor baby. My eyes teared up and spilled over again. "It's okay... No one can hurt you anymore. I've got you... You're safe sweetheart," I said with a shaky voice kissing his hair. He pulled away to look at me with streaming eyes.

"I...I know I've been distant... And I'm sorry Ness... I'm so sorry... It's not that I don't want you..." He said and broke down again. I reached up to touch his lips, feeling a stabbing pain in my heart that this, of all things, was something that was tormenting him.

"Shhhhh... No honey. No. Don't say sorry. I understand. I know it's hard right now, baby. I know you still want me... It's okay," I said kissing his teary eyelids and resting my forehead against his. Some more of my own tears escaped down my cheeks.

"I don't care how long, I'll wait. I don't need that to love you honey..." I said. And he pulled away and looked at me looking so broken and vulnerable, it hurt my soul. It's possible he thought he would lose me if he wasn't intimate with me. And I understood his pain so clearly in that moment. I wanted to kiss him but didn't know if that was okay. I asked him through my gift. And he nodded. And he kissed me desperately. There was so much pain and need in it. And also relief, that we could be close again, with no secrets. We broke apart, because he couldn't breathe through his nose. He looked miserable.

"Lie down, rest for now..." I said. He was likely spent from the ordeal. I pulled my blankets out so he could lie in my bed. He looked at me and I nodded to him. Then he listened, laying his head on my pillow and getting under the covers. I moved his hair out of his swollen eyes. He looked up at me, and I felt how much I loved this man. And it killed me how much others had hurt him. I kneeled next to my bed and kissed his forehead as more tears spilled from my shut eyes. "Whatever you need to feel better is what we will do. I'll help you however I can. I promise," I said kissing his cheek then his mouth. He nodded. Seeming unable to speak.

"I know it hurts right now. And I'm so sorry honey," I said resting my forehead on his. He gasped quietly and more tears cut down his face. "It's okay baby. I know now. And everything is fine between us. You don't have to worry anymore..." I said calmly, stroking his arm in a comforting way. "I'm not going anywhere. I love you," I said continuing the stroking.

"I love you," he managed in a ruined voice. "It's... It's how I got through it. I didn't feel anything... for any of them Ness. I basically just kept picturing you. You're the only one I could ever be attracted to Ness... the only one I could ever want," he said pleading to me. I kissed him to stop him so he wouldn't break down again. He needed a break. It was too much.

"I know...I know sweetheart. I understand. You didn't cheat on me honey..." I said gently, and he started crying again, perhaps triggered by the words. "Shhh... honey... please don't cry... you're so tired," I said sadly, kissing tears away.

"I can't help it..." He managed. I wrapped one arm around his head and the other around his chest.

"Okay... alright... It's okay... It's okay," I said gently. I breathed calm breaths into his face. We stayed that way for a while until his heartbeat finally slowed; when the anxiety attack ran its course. While I waited for him to regain control, I realized with a horrified pang that this is why he broke down that night before we were taken. He couldn't bare what he knew he had to do. The thought made me cry and I struggled to hide the tears. I didn't want to trigger him any further tonight. I kissed his forehead gently and continuously. I drank in his warmth and classic Jake smell. Like the forest and a sweet extra quality that was just him. He settled into a stupor that I knew was close to sleep.

"That's right honey, go to sleep," I breathed, stroking his arm. "I'll be here when you wake up," I whispered. He sighed, in what I took to be contentment, and then he fell asleep shortly after. I dried all his remaining tears, kissed his head then left the room shutting the light.

My parents were waiting in the living room holding hands and listening to the exchange anxiously. When I came in they stood and we hugged each other in a group. The pain of the Volturi infecting our lives, hurting is, until this final last gallop. It was finally over though. When my tears dried, I sat next to my mother, my head resting on her shoulder.

"He's lucky to have you Ness. You're being so good to him in his time of pain," she said.

"Is he okay? Did he get hurt?" I asked, and they knew I meant physically.

"He saw Grandpa, and he says he's fine. He may benefit from talk therapy. But he hasn't sought it yet," dad told me.

"Talk therapy," I repeated.

"Yes, PTSD is a psychological wound. It needs treatment too," dad said.

"So who can talk to him?" I asked.

"I'm qualified, and so is Grandpa and Alice," dad said. I knew they had obtained many degrees in their lifetimes.

"I'll ask him. And we could get him to someone on the outside if he needed it?" I asked.

"Of course, but it may be best to use one of us, so he doesn't need to lie," mom said. This was true. But it was clear they would do anything. I would too. My boyfriend was emotionally injured, and I would be there to help him. We stopped talking as we registered the increase in his heartbeat about an hour later.

"A nightmare I think," mom said sadly. "He told me he has them most nights." I understood something. It's why he kept crashing in La Push, and not with me. I felt heartsick.

"I'll go, I'll talk to you guys later. Thank you," I said earnestly, and they smiled at me sadly. I quietly went back into my room and pulled a chair next to my bed. Jake was not resting easy, tossing and looking strained. I stroked his hair gently, feeling terrible.

"N..no..no," he said in fear. Then he woke with a gasp. I reached for him in the dark. He had a cold sweat from the nightmare.

"I'm here baby, it was just a dream... Not real honey," I said pulling him into my arms. He trembled then hugged me back. I stroked his hair and felt tears on his face. I stroked them away also. "It's okay sweetheart you're safe with me," I said gently, kissing his forehead. "Can I lie down with you?" I asked softly. Moving back to look into his swollen eyes. "Is that okay?" I added, not knowing if it would be. He nodded, sniffing, and moved over. I slid under the covers and wrapped my arms and legs around him. He took deep breaths until he was calm again. "What was it honey?" I asked sadly, stroking his hair.

"Just a flashback... It felt so real," he said, and his voice trembled.

"Okay... how can we help you feel better?" I asked gently, still stroking his hair.

"Normally I lie awake in terror until it gets too exhausting to keep my eyes open," he said, reaching up to hug me back with his arms. "This is a lot better, with you here," he said in a small voice.

"Can you go back to sleep honey? You're so tired," I said, kissing his eyelids.

"You're staying here?" He verified.

"I'll hold you all night honey," I said, repeating what he has said to me in the past. I stroked his shoulders and kissed his neck. Again I felt the pained urge to be with him when very upset, but I wouldn't bring up sex again until he did. I wanted to support his recovery. He turned and kissed me gently. And it wasn't so desperate and urgent as the last time. It was like he felt relief. And was at peace. I broke off the kiss eventually and laid down on a pillow. I didn't want him to get wrapped up in things he thought he needed to do to make me happy. Kissing was enough. He settled down too, and in ten minutes, his breathing lapsed back into relaxed sleep.

...

A month later...

We thought we could try, but we keep hitting roadblocks. It was hard. He was beating himself up when he didn't need to. I said I didn't care, but he barely acknowledged this.

...

I stopped kissing his abdomen after hearing him start to cry. Stopped dead when he pulled away. Quickly I pulled a blanket over him and crawled up on the bed being careful not to touch him while he cringed. "Jake, honey, I'm so sorry.." I said gently stroking his hair back out of his face. He reached for me so I assumed I could touch him. I and pulled him up and into my arms. He gasped then a delayed cry came and another. The poor thing. "Shhhh…." I held him tightly but stroked his hair with a gentle touch. He cried in a pained terrified kind of way and held me tightly back, which led me to realize I must have triggered a bad memory somehow. "Sweetheart, it's okay… Shhhh," I said and rocked him gently. He buried his face in my shoulder and I kissed his hair. "Baby.. No one will hurt you. You're safe" I whispered. Then pulled him away from me and gently titled his tear streaked face up to look him in the eyes. He stared into mine looking miserable and frightened. l slowly kissed his mouth softly to stop him crying. He kissed me back weakly in anguish. Then I pulled away and kissed away his tears. "I love you. I'm sorry," I told him stroking his face. "No.. No.. Don't.." he moaned, not wanting me to apologize when he felt like it was his fault. "Jake, this isn't your fault honey, you're doing the best you can. I know that honey," I said, moving so he had to make eye contact with me. "I love you. I don't need this to love you. We don't need to do oral sex right now. You don't have to. You never have to if you don't want to. It's okay baby." I said gently winding my arms around him and pulling him close again. "I love you, please don't cry," I said and he quieted down completely, finally eyes not tearing, just gasping after the shock of crying. "That's it. There you go." I said patting his bare back. "That's much better," he hadn't broken down like this for a month..

"Come on, get dressed again. You'll feel better." I said pulling away and handing him his clothes. He looking dazed. I stood and looked away letting him put them on without looking at him. He did so, his breath still catching. I grabbed a tissue box and he said, "okay," quietly. I climbed back in and handed him tissues. He blew his nose gratefully. Then I gave him a water bottle. "Drink, you'll feel better." I said and he drained it. "Let's rest now. Can I hold you?" I asked gently. "It's okay if you don't want me to" I assured him. Sometimes he couldn't handle touch. He looked at me beseechingly. "Yes. please," he said his voice cracking. I snuggled next to him, sitting up slightly and pulled him into my lap. Letting him rest on me, tucking his head under my chin. I stroked his hair gently in an even rhythm, it was something he liked. His breathing relaxed. "Did you have a flashback?" I asked gently. After a moment he said. "Yeah, Them holding me down making me.." he choked and broke off. I thought that it could help him to finish. Even though it hurt. "Can you… say it baby?" I asked holding him tighter, asking him for details he had held back from me. He moaned. "It could help honey. I know it hurts." I said kissing his cheek. Then I waited patiently knowing he would finally break completely down about his flashbacks. About these details that tormented him with no release. I wanted him to be in my arms when he went through it. I wanted to comfort him. He gasped then tried, voice shaking. "They… They.. sometimes wanted more substantial sex. Which I hated. Because I didn't want intimacy. But I didn't have a choice. They sometimes put.. put me into their mouth. And held me down and prevented me from getting up. I freaked out. Because you were the only one who did that before. The worst part was…was… It felt good. God...I wanted them to stop, but also not. Then.. Then I just built up and … Let me. In their mouths. Waiting… For me to recover, so I could do it again. It was a type of dominance thing. I felt sick. But felt good. Again and again. Until it started to hurt. Then I couldn't. Night after night. It made me hate myself. Hate those good orgasms. Never want to again. To die instead. Not feel good and bad anymore. I was so sore. God…" he moaned and started sobbing. I hugged him to my chest. "Jake, I'm so sorry that happened honey... I'm so sorry," I said and stroked his back, letting him cry. "I'm here. It's okay. It's okay. I'm so sorry." He gasped and had an anxiety attack, voice catching as he cried; a hyperventilation. "Breathe. Breathe. You'll feel better. It's going to end in a minute. It's almost over baby." I said gently then patting him on the back and propping him up to breathe. And it did drop off after about 8 painful minutes. He lost energy, as anxiety attacks eventually subsided. "I...I wish I could let you. I love you.." he said shaking. "I know. But we don't need to. It's okay. We can do other things. Without bad memories attached." And I knew this story was something he hadn't told anyone else yet.

I stroked his back gently for a few minutes and I felt him relax. "Why don't you lie down, rest for a while," I said. He nodded and I lowered him down. I snuggled next to him and put an arm around him. He continued to breathe evenly.

"I really wish we could be intimate," he whispered.

"We are right now baby, I love you," I said kissing his shoulder then resting my head on it. "I love so much about you, when you look at me, what you tell me. So many cute things. How much you're devoted to me. And when you're vulnerable like this, and you let me be here. Physically parts, don't really add to that," I said, speaking from the heart.

"Thank you...I love you," he returned. "It's the same for me." I looked into his face and saw how swollen it was. "Hold on I'll be right back," I said. I slipped out of bed and got an ice pack and a damp cool washcloth. He looked at me when I crawled back in bed. I sat up and gazed down at him. Gently I stroked his hair back from his swollen eyes. "I'm going to clean your face okay?" I asked gently. Then I dabbed his sticky forehead clear with the cloth and under both his eyes. I wiped his cheeks clean then with the softest touch dabbed over his eyelids. He looked relaxed by this. "Thank you," he said weakly looking at me. "Close your eyes," I said after kissing his forehead and he listened. I put the ice pack over his eyes and he moaned in relief. "That feels so good, thank you so much," he said in a rough voice. Then I started to kiss him. His hair, his cheek, his neck, and ear, his jaw, the corner of his mouth. Then his lips gently. He kissed back deeply, a low moan in his throat. He wound his arms around me. The ice pack falling off. He kissed my throat and my chest. Then when I reached my hands forward and began to caress his chest he stopped, and I felt him cringe. I stopped. I dropped my hands. He pulled back, sitting up, and looked at me, looking guilty and upset.

"No honey. Don't. Don't blame yourself. We're okay," I said quickly, as tears fell down his crumpled face. I sat up across from him. I didn't want to touch him because he obviously couldn't handle it, but I wanted to comfort him. The poor thing. "Can I hold your hand,?" I asked softly. He was looking down, self loathing clear in his eyes. He nodded, dislodging tears. I held his hand in both of mine and pressed it to my face, nuzzling it against my cheek. "It's okay, I love you," I said kissing his palm. "You're doing the best you can honey," I said gently. He looked at me and I could tell he wanted to believe he hadn't offended me, but wasn't sure. I threaded my fingers through his. "Jake sweetheart, I'm not upset. I understand honey," I said stroking the back of his hand gently. "Would you like me to go now, it's really okay honey," I said gently. He looked torn. And I could see he didn't want to be alone but didn't want to risk that reaction again.

"Just lie down," I urged gently. He looked at me then did it. I copied him but kept space between us, and kept holding his hand. "Is this okay honey?" I asked referring to the sleep situation.

"Yes… Oh Ness I'm so sorry...I thought I was ready…" his voice broke off. I kissed his hand.

"Shhhhh. It's not your fault baby. It's okay," I said stroking his hand gently. "Close your eyes, sleep. I won't leave you," I said. He looked at me, eyes looking tortured but then closed them at my request. In a few minutes he fell asleep.

The next day I woke up first and left the room, leaving him sleeping peacefully. I sat at the kitchen table in the big house and there was a sound of whooshing wind. Aunt Alice was there, exactly who I wanted to talk to.

"Hey Ness, how are you?" She asked and something in her voice let me know she wasn't oblivious to my issues.

"Not good. I'm worried about Jake. I don't know what's going to set off his PTSD. I don't want him to feel like I don't want him, like the…assault makes me not want him," I had to stop because my eyes were tearing up. Aunt Alice put a hand on my shoulder.

"He really needs talk therapy. Maybe I could convince him to let me talk to him. I don't know. But in the interim. Ask him for permission if you want to touch him. And be mindful about what triggers him in terms of touch. If he starts to have an anxiety attack from something, it could be a smell, a phrase, something around him, anything, ask him to do calming breathing. Breathe in through the nose for 4 seconds. Hold your breath for 7. Then out through your mouth for the count of 8. Keep an eye out for other things," she said, eyes worried.

"Like what?" I asked in a quiet voice.

"Like self harming or wanting to use," she said quietly. This made me feel sick. I looked away.

"I know Ness, I'm sorry this happened. We'll all help, we promise," she said reassuringly. We sat for a few more minutes, and I was lost in thought. I heard Jake's breathing change and realized he must be awake.

"I'll be back," I said and went back to our room. I found Jake sitting up in bed staring at his hands. He wasn't upset but I could tell he was unhappy. "Hey baby," I said warmly, sitting in bed with him and kissing his temple. He looked at me and smiled slightly.

"Did you sleep well?" He asked me.

"Yeah, how about you?" I asked taking his hand again.

"I got some sleep," he said, and the tone of his voice was so down. I didn't know if he was upset about last night or something new. I didn't want to make it worse so I didn't mention last night.

"Would you like to go to the reservation today?" I asked carefully. "We could go swimming maybe," I suggested. The temperature of the water didn't phase either of us. He looked at me.

"We could also go for a hike or go to Billy's," I offered feeling my throat get tight.

"Ness…" he said gently stroking my face. "I'm okay. Really. You don't need to worry about me," he said. But I really felt like I did. He was clearly depressed.

"Can I hug you?" I asked gently. He nodded and I could tell me asking him made him feel slightly guilty. I burrowed down into his chest and sighed in contentment. "Jake honey, I'm not worried exactly, I'm just… worried I'll say the wrong thing. I don't want to trigger you," I said, kissing his chest. He hugged me gently back.

"Okay, but, I'll be alright. You don't need to be on guard," he said kissing my head. And this is what was bothering him. He didn't want to be treated like glass. Okay. That meant I was bound to make mistakes at some point. I thought heavily. But he wanted to feel normal, so I understood.

"Will you consider something?" I asked quietly. He waited for the something. "Will you consider talking to Aunt Alice? She's so easy to talk to," I said, hoping he would agree. There was a silence and I disengaged to look into his face. He looked burdened.

"Would it make you happy if I did?" He asked me and I could feel the guilt rolling off of him. I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair. He looked at me, and I could see how uncomfortable he was in his skin.

"Honey, it isn't something I want you to do for me. It's something I want you to want for you. You don't have to do anything," I said, kissing his mouth. His lips barely responded to me. They were dead. I broke off, fully understanding that intimacy in any form wasn't helpful right now.

"Let's get out there and see what we feel like," I said smiling and standing up. He smiled wanly at me.

"Okay, I'll be right out," he said, and I could tell he just wanted to be alone for a moment. The poor thing. He couldn't have just a normal relaxed day without something bothering him. I nodded and left.

Aunt Rose and Uncle Emmett were sitting in the backyard at one of the many tables playing a card game of some sort. I walked up to them.

"Hey there little niece," Uncle Emmett said easily. He was the best person for this job of cheering up Jake. He looked into my face and I couldn't tell if he could read the stress or not.

"I need help," I managed. Aunt Rosalie looked at me sympathetically.

"What can I do?" He asked cheerfully, putting his cards down.

"Jake needs cheering up," I said and I knew that they all knew what was going on and I felt vulnerable bringing it up. He only smiled.

Jake joined us outside then, hair still damp from a shower. I tried to meet his eye contact, but he didn't make it with me. I took his hand and tried not to frown in concern.

"So brother, I was just chatting with Rose here, and she feels like making a bet," he said tauntingly. Jake looked at him.

"What kind?" He asked, voice not quite dead, but not normal.

"Well, I think I can take you in a match, she's not so sure," he said. Aunt Rose smiled, playing along. There was a moment, then Jake smiled a more realistic smile. He enjoyed fighting, even though he never said it.

"So, what are the parameters, if I want to take you up on this challenge?" He said. Uncle Emmett stood up and I caught sight of my parents waking in with Seth in human form. Mom looked up at me and smiled, then they walked in our direction.

"I think one of us wants to cross the yard, right? And only one of us can do it first. So…" he says smiling. So that would mean some sort of wrestling thing, not letting someone get past you. It was simple and sounded fun for Jake. Mom came up to stand next to me and I looked at dad and thought about the morning for his benefit. He frowned slightly, looking at Jake. Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper came out as well, Aunt Alice bouncing in excitement.

"Any ground rules?" Jake checked, taking off his shirt to phase.

"Yes, no broken bones!" I cried out looking at my uncle. He rolled his eyes at me. Jake phased and shook out his fur. Instantly I could see he was more relaxed as a wolf.

"I'll be your second, Jake!" Seth cried out eagerly and stepped back to phase also. I was glad no one told Seth about Jake's PTSD. He needed some relationships that weren't affected by it.

Uncle Emmett looked at my father. "Don't look at me, I don't want to fight today," my dad said raising his hands. Uncle Emmett rolled his eyes.

"Jaz will do it," he said nodding to my uncle Jasper. He shrugged indifferently. Jake met him in the center of the lawn smiling a wolf grin. Aunt Alice counted them down, and we all stepped back. Then they were a blur of movement. They tumbled together and I heard the deafening impacts they made on each other. Jake got free and sprinted for the end of the lawn but Uncle Emmett caught him. They tumbled again, and I heard the snapping of Jake's jaws.

"Hello," came a polite musical tone, and Simon just arrived holding a tired looking Bram's hand.

"Hey," I said slightly more relaxed. It was nice seeing my best friends. They made me feel better. They also didn't know about what happened to Jake.

"So what on Earth is happening, I thought a hurricane struck or something," Simon said casually. We all regarded the fight in front of us.

"No, Jake and Uncle Emmett are fighting for fun," I said shaking my head slightly. Bram gazed in wonder, shocked by how extreme it was. And the thing is, it wasn't, because it was strictly play-fighting. A real fight was terrifying to behold. Seth barked enthusiastically as Jake prevented Uncle Emmett from sprinting down the field. I looked at dad and dad was keeping up with their thoughts. His eyes were unfocused, listening to the internal dialogue. Uncle Emmett broke free then got Jake in a headlock. They rolled over, a mess of limbs and fur and I saw that Uncle Emmett had pinned Jake to the ground. He thrashed but couldn't get up. I heard dad suck in air next to me and I turned to look and his frozen expression. I felt panic surge in me, was he hurt? Dad dashed forward and I could see that Uncle Jasper also felt the change in his emotion and followed. We heard Uncle Emmett's laugh of triumph but then I heard the gasping sound, a choked sound. Like someone didn't have air. I heard the wheezing as it pulled through his muzzle. Jake laid still as if locked into place. Simon looked at me.

"Do you think he's okay? Maybe a punch to the gut or something?" He asked, it was obvious to me that he had turned off his mind reading gift right now. I couldn't answer. I came forward. My dad was kneeling next to him. Uncle Jasper kept back but I felt an extreme calm mood steel through me, and most likely through everyone here.

"It's not real, you're here with us," he was repeating slowly. I could tell, even in wolf form, Jake was having a panic attack. Uncle Emmett stopped laughing and really saw what was happening when my dad knelt next to him. He looked like a deflated balloon, the smile sliding off his face. "Get Carlisle," he said to Uncle Emmett.

"Did I hurt him?" He asked looking confused and concerned. Dad shook his head and Uncle Emmett left to get him. I kneeled down next to them and heard the lowest whine in his voice. A prolonged animal cry.

"Jake, can you phase back… Jake…?" Dad asked him evenly. I heard an echoed cry. I turned and saw Seth sink down, sharing thoughts with him.

"Seth, could you unlink with Jake?" I heard my mother ask the other ailing wolf quietly. He did and then looked into my mother's face with teary eyes.

"What was that?" He gasped. He must have seen whatever Jake did. Grandpa got there and crouched next to dad. I moved back not wanting to be in the way.

"It's okay Jake," my grandfather said gently pulling a syringe from his bag. "It would be best if you could phase back, then we can help you," he said. I went around to the other side. Jake was trembling on the ground. And he had trouble breathing. I wanted to say something but I didn't want to overwhelm him. Aunt Alice came up over near his head.

"Breathe in for a count of four," she said. "Then hold for a count of seven, then breathe out counting to 8," she said gently. I started doing it so he could mimic me. So did she. In a moment, I felt him copy my breathing. There was a warm shimmer, then Jake was lying on his back in human form, still having a panic attack.

"I'm here honey," I whispered, not able to take his hand, because they were clenched into fists. He was shaking and tears were leaking out of his eyes. And from how his breaths sounded, It was like someone was sitting on his throat, and he could barely breathe.

"I'm going to give you something to help you calm down," Grandpa said, sliding the syringe into Jake's shoulder. He cringed. I reached to pat his shoulder but I saw dad shake his head at me, so I didn't.

Jake stared at the sky, obviously watching something replay in his mind that we couldn't see. But Dad could. "It's never going to happen again," he said to him reassuringly. "It's over. It's over," he repeated. Finally Jake's body relaxed and I knew it must be from the drugs. I turned my head and saw Bram holding on to Simon and looking down at him in concern. Simon seemed to be leaning on him, his eyes out of focus. He blinked then looked at me with terrified eyes. Simon must have turned on his gift and read his mind. Everyone else hung back, wanting to know if he was okay but also trying to give space.

"Want to go inside?" Dad asked kindly. He must have answered him in thought. "How about back at our house?" He tried. Jake closed his eyes and was breathing in air gratefully. "Okay, maybe that's the best idea," dad said. He made a small motion with his hand Jake didn't see, and everyone around us flitted away so it was me, dad, and Grandpa left. Dad and Grandpa helped him up. I stood back, trying to hold back tears and followed them. I didn't know what he saw. Some of my family had seen it, but I hadn't, and I was trying to decide if I wanted to know. We were headed for the garage. He must want to go home to La Push. I agreed. He needed a quiet secluded atmosphere. I wondered if he wanted me to go with him. Instead of asking Jake who they helped sit in the front seat, I asked Dad mentally. He turned to me and nodded. I got into the back of the car. Grandpa spoke to Jake through the open window.

"Don't drive anything while on this medication. No motorcycles. Take it easy. I'm going to get you a prescription for anxiety. I'll send it over as soon as I can. We can talk about this again later when you aren't so out of it, also," he added patting his shoulder. Jake nodded to him and I could tell he was out of it.

Dad drove us to La Push and I strived to have a silent conversation with him. Jake just had a massive flashback. I confirmed. His head dipped down slightly. I could tell from sitting behind the passenger seat. Was it because Uncle Emmett pinned him down? I asked further. Dad's head came back up, finishing the nod. My poor Jake. The idea of other beings pinning him down and doing things to him made me shudder. Maybe it's best if you let Jake and I talk to Simon and Bram. Maybe Jake wants to explain. Dad gave a tiny shrug. That could mean anything. But it's obvious that almost everyone is going to know now. Seth is connected to the pack… Dad sighed heavily. Yes. I agreed. This was less than ideal. I obviously didn't see it as a risk factor when they started playing. Maybe dad had, because he was listening to their thoughts during the fight. I don't want to trigger him more, is it better if I act like nothing happened and talk to him about other things? Dad frowned. So no, blowing by it wouldn't help anyone. I was relieved because I didn't think I could anyways. Not convincingly. I thought about what he said in the past. The advice was still good. I'll offer to talk to him if he wants to, but not push it if he doesn't feel like it. I thought, and Dad smiled again. It sounded like Jake may have fallen asleep in the front seat. That was fine with me. Anything to escape from this hell was best. We pulled up to Billy's and Dad walked around and opened Jake's door. He carefully lifted him up and carried him through the door to his bedroom. I followed and Jake's dad appeared, looking alarmed to see this.

"I'll be right back," dad told him. Moments later he was back, looking grim. I myself had no idea how to explain this. "Do you mind if we sit?" He said and Billy nodded. I sat in an old armchair.

"Is Jake hurt?" He asked without preamble.

"Not physically," dad replied. Billy looked confused. "He's been having a lot of nightmares here," dad said, and it wasn't really a question. Billy nodded and I could see he was making connections about Jake's recent behavior. "When we went to Italy last month, and dealt with the Volturi, Jake was a bit traumatized, by…some of the things he saw. He's experiencing anxiety attacks," dad said. I had to hand it to him. Dad was good at explaining things without explaining key details. And he was right, it wasn't right for him to tell him the true details. If Jake wanted to someday he would.

"I don't know how to help him with that," Billy said honestly.

"Carlisle gave him a sedative. He had a panic attack at the house. He's going to get him a prescription for anxiety. We're trying to convince him to consider talk therapy with one of us. We'll see," he said, and he didn't sound hopeful at the prospect of him considering talk therapy. Billy looked thoughtful.

"We're lucky to have a doctor in the family," he said. "I'll let him be, but be aware of it and give you a call if something happens that I don't know how to help with," he said. He looked grateful but also like he wanted to know more. He was wise though. He knew Edward wasn't telling him because Jake needed to.

"I'll leave my daughter here to sit with him. It was nice to see you," dad said pleasantly, standing and going to the door. He nodded to me and then left.

"I'm glad he has you," Billy said kindly to me and wheeled back down the hall. I felt like the world was so heavy, and I was trying to carry it, as I opened Jake's door. I sat on a low chair next to his bed. I worried about Jake's mental state. I worried about Jake being depressed and what that would do to his life. How would it affect us? What was the ultimate cost? I gazed at his sleeping face and remembered his expression on the ground at Grandpa's house. He looked so afraid. He never looked like that. My poor baby. Tears ran down my face as I took Jake's hand and held it as he slept. I settled back into the chair and worried myself into a stupor. I was somewhere between sleep and waking. What felt like minutes but could have been hours later, Jake's hand moved in mine. I gave a start and sat up. Jake was lying on his back but finally awake, he was looking at me. I got up and came closer.

I kneeled down next to his bed and held his hand to my face. He shut his eyes then opened them and there were tears stuck to his long lashes.

"No honey, don't feel bad. It's okay honey," I said gently stroking his hand I still had trapped. He closed his eyes and a breath got caught in his throat. I got up and climbed into his bed next to him. Carefully I put my arms around him and pulled him so I cradled his head against my stomach. He just held on to me, shaking.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked gently, while stroking his hair. "You don't have to. We understand. I understand. And I love you," I said gently, continuing to stroke his hair.

"So...embarrassing," he managed in a shaking voice.

"Sweetheart, it's okay. No one thinks less of you," I said stroking tears off his face.

"Simon and Seth know now," he said in a low voice. And it was true. They did know. I couldn't lie about that.

"Friends support you. They don't judge you. They're concerned is all," I said lightly, then kissed his head.

"I didn't want them to know," he said quietly. I felt bad, because there was nothing to do to change it. I snuggled down closer and put my arms around him. He rested his head on my shoulder. I thought about what he said for so long, even he was distracted by my silence and lack of a reply to him. He turned to study my face.

"I think… It's right for them to know. If you disagree, that's fine, but… we're family. I'd want to know if Simon was in pain, so I could be there for him. It's just… well…. family knows the worst things about you, the most upsetting things, and they keep loving you," I said eventually. Jake looked at me looking thoughtful. His eyes seemed to finally clear from their previous haziness. The drug had run its course.

"I guess I could talk to them about it," he said, although he looked strained. "I just never pictured really telling anyone. I could barely tell the people who know," he said.

"It's your call what you do. I just know that they care about you. They want to help however they can," I said, stroking his hair back out of his eyes. "Just like me," I added.

Jake covered his face with one of his hands. "Ness I don't know what to do. I don't know what to tell people I need help with. Because I don't even know," he said. There was a pause. "And yes, I know you want me to talk to Alice, but I don't want to yet. I'm not there yet," he said and took his hand down to look at me. He looked exhausted.

I leaned forward and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around me and moaned. I kissed him greedily and I could feel he wanted me badly. I decided to slowly try. Maybe he did want it. I kissed him slowly down his chest. He held still, letting me. Slowly, I touched him over his shorts, he was hard for me. When we were upset, we often felt an extreme physical need for each other.

"Ohh," he moaned…"ohh Ness," he moaned. I kissed around him and pulled his shorts down to kiss him directly then he jerked extremely, he gasped and I could feel the fear. I let him go. He closed his eyes, tears leaking.

"I'm sorry I can't," he said. I tried stroking him again hoping to pleasure him with touch only, and he cringed. He couldn't do it.

I moved back up to him. "I'm sorry honey, I'm sorry I did it. I wanted to pleasure you if you were ready," I said gently, kissing his cheek. I got off him, not touching him. Slowly I took his hand. "I'm sorry baby," I said again.

"No, it's okay. It's not you Ness," he said kissing my hand. He looked exhausted from his emotional attacks. The poor thing. He was so stressed out.

"Do you want to sleep more?" I asked him, turning the subject off. He blinked.

"No… No I've slept so much today. I can't anymore," he said.

"Good, meet me in the backyard in five, in your wolf form," I said getting out of the bed. He sat up and looked at me confused. I walked straight out, not wanting to give him a chance to ask. Outside I dialed my mother on my cell.

"I'm with Jake, and I'm not sure when I'll be back. I think he needs time away. To clear his head. I want to go with him," I said. There was a pause.

"How long will you be gone?" She asked.

"I don't know, he doesn't even know we're going yet," I said.

"Well, you're grown up. I can't stop you. It probably will be good for him. Grandpa went to town to get the medicine for Jake. You probably want to take that with you." She was right. I thought to myself.

"Could he leave it in grandpa Charlie's house? I want to stop to see him," I said. There was another pause.

"Okay, he can probably do that. You aren't going to explain this to Charlie, are you?" She asked, sounding worried. "Maybe Carlisle should leave it somewhere and not speak to him about what's going on…" she said breaking off.

"No, don't worry," I said, " and that's probably for the best.'' I saw Jake come out of the house. "I need to go, I'll text you okay?" I said.

"Okay, just be careful Ness. Don't go too far that you can't get him back to Grandpa Carlisle if he needs him," she said.

"I will. I love you," I said and ended the call. I turned to see my favorite russet wolf gazing at me. I walked over to him and tangled my fingers in his neck fur. There was a soft humming noise when I did that. Jake was happier as a wolf sometimes. Emotions were easier to process.

"Is there anyone in there with you?" I asked staring into his beautiful eyes. He knew I meant other consciousnesses. He shook his head. "Let's get away from here," I said smiling and kissing his nose. His eyes looked interested. "Like, away from it all. Take me into the woods with you," I said. He looked surprised, but then I saw the wolfy grin. I thought to myself about the journey.

"Maybe let me grab a few things from your room, wait here," I said and kissed his nose again. In his room I found a backpack and stuffed it with a few pairs of our clothes and a few other necessities. I fit a blanket into it, and felt excitement. It was like a camping trip. And maybe Jake would feel better out in the world with me somehow. Who knew? I brought a phone charger. I said I would text. We would just need to find interesting ways to get electricity. I went back outside with the backpack to find Jake rolling on his back in the grass. He looked happier. He stood up and lowered himself down so I could get on.
Once I did I whispered in his ear, "We need to see Grandpa Charlie first." He looked back questioningly, but I shrugged and smiled. Giving up on getting an answer from me, Jake took off towards Forks. I loved riding on Jake. He wasn't as fast as Dad, but it was still an experience. I fit perfectly behind his shoulder blades. I loved his warm sweet smelling fur, and the ride was fun, not as smooth as riding on a vampire, but more invigorating. The difference between riding a bike and riding a horse. We got to the outskirts of town in no time, so Jake had to phase back.

"Ness, where is this all coming from?" He asked me, confused but also, to my delight, elated.

"I don't know, I figured we both needed a break from the same stuff all the time. It was just a good time to go. But who knows how much I'll like it. I've never lived it rough," I said smiling. We walked down Grandpa Charlie's street together.

"I did years ago. I admit I liked it, but I was mostly a wolf for that. Maybe we should think of this as an extended camping trip instead," he said taking my hand. I laughed because that's how I thought of it. As we were walking up to the door Jake asked,"Why did we need to stop here?"

"I needed something," I said and knocked on the door. There was movement and Grandpa Charlie came to the door.

"Hey kids, oh my God it feels like it's been ages, come in," he said opening the door. Grandpa's house was always nice and cool. We followed him to the kitchen. It looked like he was halfway through a sandwich.

"Are you kids hungry, do you want a sandwich?" He asked. I didn't like human food, but I wanted Jake to eat.

"Sure, thanks Grandpa," I said easily. Jake moved to help him at the kitchen counter. "I wanted to grab something in Mom's room, I'll be right back," I said and climbed the stairs. There was a prescription bag on her bed with a note. I read my grandfather's careful writing.

Ness,

This is Ativan. He should take one a day if he's clearly suffering or as needed. It works relatively quickly. If he has issues with dizziness or concentration he should discontinue the drug and I can send a prescription for another one wherever you are. I'm only a phone call or text away.

Love,
Grandpa

I folded the note and took the pill bottle out of the bag. I put them both carefully into the front pocket of the backpack. I looked around her room. It was cozy, and really was like her personality exactly. I always liked visiting her room. I spotted a dreamcatcher hanging on her lamp. I smiled and picked it up, then carried it downstairs. Jake and Grandpa were laughing about something when I came in.

"What have you got there?" Grandpa asked. Jake looked surprised for some reason.

"We've been having some bad dreams lately. I think we could use it. I found it in Mom's room," I said carefully attaching it to the backpack so it hung free.

"Well, it's done it's fair share of catching nightmares…" he said then broke off, lost in thought. I looked questioningly at him but Jake shook his head slightly. Maybe he knew.

"So how are you kids really? And before you answer, remember you are speaking to a detective," he said, keeping a straight face. I looked at Jake, and he stared back at me.

"Things…things are just a little tense at home right now," I said. Grandpa looked at me and I felt, with some paranoia, like he was going to figure it out.

"Is anyone hurt, is anything wrong?" He asked. Jake still stared at me, not knowing where I was going with this.

"No one is hurt. I'm just…" and I stopped and Jake really looked worried. I wish he knew me well enough to realize I wouldn't out him here.

"I'm worried about someone I care about. He's going through a tough time," is what I managed. Because I didn't really want to lie to Grandpa Charlie, and also, it was really true, and I hadn't realized the toll that was being taken on me. Grandpa turned to Jake, who at the last moment, hitched a politely interested look on his face.

"Is he a friend of yours too?" He asked him.

"Yes," he said, also not adding anything because he had no idea what to add.

"When your mother was going through a tough time years ago, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should act as if everything was normal or openly try to talk to her about it. After trying both I realized something," he said. I was actually, surprisingly, very interested in what he had to say, and so was Jake, because he stopped shooting me annoyed looks and started listening as well.

"I realized that even though it's painful, seeing someone you love sad all the time, they have to work through it themselves. And she did," and he turned and smiled specifically at Jake, and after a moment, he slowly smiled.

"Does that help?" He asked, turning back to me.

"Yes, I think so. Thanks," I said, and it wasn't even a lie. When Grandpa took his plate to the sink, I gave Jake my sandwich. He stared at me and I mouthed eat! At him. He rolled his eyes but started eating it. We refused dessert and after helping him clean up we said we had to be on our way. Jake waited until we got to the tree line before he started.

"Jesus Ness, why did we need to do that?" He complained.

"We had to pick up your anxiety medication. Grandpa Carlisle left it in Mom's room. He was in town already when I called Mom earlier," I said showing him the pill bottle. This brought him up short from whatever he was going to say next, sobering him.

"Should I take it?" He asked me nervously. I wondered if he ever had a prescription before now.

"Well, he said you could take it everyday or just take it in the moment, or a day you feel shaky," I said. He looked at the little bottle like it was going to bite him. I took it and put it back in my bag. "You can think about it," I said and started walking. He kept pace with me. "Why is this interesting to you?" I said. I was holding the dreamcatcher because it was attached to the zipper of the backpack where I had just stowed the medicine.

"I gave your mother that," he said smiling. This smile touched his eyes.

"Really?" I said, reexamining it.

"Yeah, many years ago," he said.

"Why did Grandpa talk about nightmares?" I remembered. Jake looked slightly uncomfortable. "What?" I said, stopping.

"Well, it was when your father left your mother for six months before they were married. She had a lot of nightmares during that time. And that's when we became best friends," he said smiling down at me. I felt an ache for the tragic part of my parents love story, but it did answer another question possibly.

"Oh, is that why he smiled at you at the end? Because you were there to help her feel better?" I asked. He nodded.

"Your parents were meant to be together, and she knew it. She never let him go. And he couldn't let her go either," he said. "And I'm glad, because I wouldn't have you," he said, and sounded slightly emotional at the pronouncement. I stopped and slung my arms around his neck, losing myself in his dark eyes. I felt a pulse of warmth between our bodies. His eyes were deep, reflecting the emotions he felt and I felt a pull, a need to be close to him. But I couldn't. I froze with the memory of this and made to pull my hands down, but he wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me up and against his chest. He kissed me, and I felt the same acute longing from him. But we had nowhere to go. We were in the woods of Forks. We pulled apart, both breathing a little faster. I felt a wave of relief as I looked into his lustful expression. He had a moment with me and it didn't trigger anything negative. That alone was better than anything else that could have followed but didn't; the hope that he could be feeling better.

He took my hand and led me to a grassy area through the trees, under a twilit night. He pulled me over to him and then slowly down into the grass. He swung on top of me and pressed himself to me. He wanted me. I could feel it. I was concerned about this. I held back as to not trigger him. He pulled me into his lap so my pelvis was resting on his.

"Please, can we try Ness," he said and I read the longing there. I ground myself into him. He moaned into my ear. He stood me up, then took off my pants. I stepped out of them. He pulled my pelvis against his face, moaning when he saw I was wearing a thong. He massaged my butt then pulled the thong off me. He looked directly at me, loving my vagina. Then he pulled me back and pushed his tongue into me and pulled me against him, wide apart and rough. I cried out knees weak. He held me steady. He moved to my clitoris then pushed a thumb in and massaged my g spot. I jerked in pleasure. He sunk his middle finger deep in, and massaged the roof of my vagina. And sucked me. I moaned loudly, holding on to his head for support. He stopped and lied me on my back. He stood my knees up and pulled them wide. It was a much better position to get to me. He started again with his tongue, massaging the g spot with it. He lifted my butt up so I could be closer to his face. I almost came.

"Use your hand," I moaned. He stopped and rested a hand on my abdomen. He sunk his fingers deep pressing down on my abdomen at the same time. This allowed him to push them deeper. It opened me up. I gasped, surprised but this. He proceeded to give me an excellent orgasm, a deep cervical one. During this I reached up and was caressing him and squeezing him lightly. He didn't complain. After he disconnected from me, I pulled my underwear back on.

"Lie back for me honey," I said seductively. He looked slightly nervous, but did. "I won't give you oral sex. And I won't give you intercourse, is that alright?" I asked calmly.

He breathed in and let the air out. "I wish you could. Can we see how this goes? I may need to stop," he said and sounded slightly upset.

"We can stop now if you want," I said, but I could see how hard he was.

"No, please try. I want to try," he repeated and his voice was steadier. I started kissing him. I put his ear in my mouth. I layed down next to him and didn't put my mouth anywhere near him. I reached down and stroked him through his clothes. He trembled but held on. Brave of him. I cradled his testicles gently through his shorts and he moaned in pleasure.

"Can I take your shorts off?" I whispered. He nodded, closing his eyes. I slid them down and when they got to his ankles he cringed badly. I pulled them back on, then wound my arms around him. He was panting like he ran a race. "It's okay, it's fine honey." I said kissing his hair. He didn't cry, but he was pale. "Deep breaths, it's okay," I comforted. I held him close and he relaxed. "There honey. It was good progress. You let me touch you. This is good sweetheart," I said kissing his forehead. He looked at me looking upset. "Don't, don't baby. It's really okay," I whispered, kissing his lips. I pulled away and he nodded.

"Okay," he answered. This really was better than last time.

"Okay," I said and took his hand. "Do you want to sleep here?" I asked taking out the large blanket. I made a sleeping bag set up for us. He smiled.

"Yeah, is that alright?" He asked kissing my cheek.

I climbed in and so did he. He cradled me to his chest but I pulled on a large t shirt first. I pulled the second half of the blanket over us.

"Do you want one of your pills?" I asked. There was a pause.

"In the morning," he said, and kissed the back of my neck.
He snuggled down and it wasn't that uncomfortable on the ground. So did I, and I felt him go to sleep after a few moments. I followed.

The next day I suggested we take a bus to Seattle, for some city fun. He agreed when he saw how excited I was.

We ended up eating at one of Jake's favorite diners. He enjoyed tempting me with different foods. Almost all of them were disgusting, but I did find that I didn't so much mind the taste of something he called bacon. It turned out he loved it too, so we ordered some more.

"Jake," I ventured, nervous. "Can we talk?" He stopped chewing and looked very worried.

"Oh no… No honey, no. Not that talk. I just want to ask about what's going on with you," I rushed to assure him. He let go of the table. He was gripping it. "We'll never have that talk," I said gently. He smiled gratefully.

"What do you want to know?" He asked carefully.

"Well, when you and I are together and you need to stop, what is it that happens? Can I help at all?" I asked. He sighed. He looked slightly upset.

"You don't need to tell me if it's too hard Jake," I said, taking another bite of bacon.

"I feel like I'm transported and I remember a sharp memory of something that I had to do or was done to me with one of those half vampires. It feels so real, and it takes minutes for me to convince myself that it wasn't real in the moment, and that I'm safe with you. I can hear you but it's hard to concentrate on it," he said looking a bit miserable. I felt bad for bringing it up.

"Jake, is it getting easier?" I asked gently. He looked pained. I could see the answer was no. I reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Can I tell you something?" I asked him. He nodded. "It doesn't matter to me. Kissing you and being close is really enough. Sex isn't that important. You are. Your mind and feelings. The intimacy in our hearts. I've loved you that way for a long time, with no sex at all. Sex was just one way to express my love for you. I hope you realize, you aren't disappointing me," I said, and kissed his hand. He looked into my eyes and cleared his throat.

"Thanks babe," he whispered, and I knew he wasn't saying more because his voice wasn't steady.

"Do you want me to go to talk therapy with you? With Aunt Alice? I could hold your hand. I wouldn't interrupt you," I said gently. He looked uncomfortable.

"No, I think if I go, I have to go alone. But I so appreciate what you're doing for me. You make me feel better Ness. I love you," he said, and his eyes were overbright. I left money on the table.

"Come on honey," I said getting him out of there. We walked hand in hand in the city and he looked better after a few minutes. I decided not to bring it up again that day. We went to one of the malls and I bought a second backpack and some clothes. Jake wasn't a clothes person, so I picked out things for him, and all he did was nod yes or no. We walked to a park and I noticed Jake's expression change.

"What?" I asked.

"I came here many years ago when I was upset. It was when your mother's life was in danger and I was really worried about her," he said. I knew her life was in danger from me, but for many years, they had convinced me it wasn't my fault, so I didn't feel bad about it. My mother was fine. We went to sit on the swings. Jake looked a lot more tranquil and I knew getting him away from home was a good idea. Eventually the sun started going down. I asked if we could get a hotel room. We had a lot of money with us, so buying things wasn't a problem. He nodded and smiled. I hoped he wouldn't associate the hotel room with any actions that may or may not take place.

Our room was really nice. We got a king and the bathroom had a tub something like a hot tub. I smiled hugely.

"Want to go for a swim?" I asked. He smiled and there was a loving glow behind his eyes.

"Sure I'll be right back," he says stepping out. I started the water, choosing hot, undressed and lowered myself in. He came back in and appraised me.

"This really suits you," he said. "Maybe when we get a house we should get one," he said smiling.

"I agree,"I said mentally making a note to tell Aunt Alice. Jake slipped his clothes off and I could tell this slightly bothered him. It has for a few months. I wanted to kiss him to make him feel better. When he got in the soapy water he felt better. He moved over to me and sat in front of a jet next to me.

"That feels great after sleeping on the ground," he said, smiling.

"I liked it. It felt like an experience," I said smiling.

"I do love experiences," he said and wound his fingers into my hair with one hand. He cradled the back of my head, and kissed me seriously. I made a tiny moan and kissed him back, tracing his chest. He pulled me to sit in his lap. I started kissing all of him that I could reach, trying not to eat soap. I could tell this was a serious seduction.

"Jake honey," I panted. He stopped kissing my breast.

"Yeah," he whispered.

"Would you like to stop like last night," I asked tolerantly. He paused and looked into my eyes.

"I'm not sure, part of me almost feels like I need to push through at least one time, no matter what happens," he said. That's sobered me and I pulled away.

"I don't think I could proceed if you were upset, baby," I said stroking his drawn face.

"There's a difference between slightly upset and very upset," he said. I supposed he was right.

"I just don't know," I said, reluctant.

"Can we try? I need help," he said in a very small voice and my heart shattered.

"Oh my goodness, honey, it's not like that. It's not that I don't want to help you," I said hugging him to me, the jets blowing water around us. He nodded, not speaking.

"I'll help you baby, I'll help you. Just communicate. I'll do my best Jake," I said pulling his mouth back and kissing him. He kissed me but it was less like before. This was more sorrowful. I stopped and wound my arms around him and sat in the tub. I held him close, not speaking. This wasn't the moment to make out.

"I love you Jake, I really love you," I said kissing his cheek.

"I love you too," he said in a quiet voice. We finished washing and toweled off. We slid into bed with the towels and I still held him. The mood was different now. I tried to think of how to get it back.

"Do you remember the first night we were intimate?" I asked him. I saw a small smile.

"Do you mean our first kiss?" He asked, voice warm.

"No, the first time I convinced you to be sexual with me," I said, changing my voice. I had a feeling this would work.

"I remember everything Ness," he said in a content voice. He sounded better than before.

"Remember how you were worried, but I convinced you to relax, and asked you to lie back for me," I said into his ear and stroked his chest.

"Yes," he said, slightly less calmly.

"And then I took your clothes off. And my clothes off, and I began kissing down your chest," I said running my hand down.

"Uhh huhh," he said and I felt the mood changing.

"And then I slowly pulled your shorts off, and started kissing you, really low," I said moving the towel off him. He just breathed and didn't reply.

"And then I slowly took you in my mouth, and it felt so so good, and you could barely withstand it, remember?" I said kissing his ear and tracing his inner thigh.

"Oh," he said so quietly. Longing. I kissed his neck to his chest then down slowly. He didn't stop me. I got to his happy trail and he was breathing really hard. I blew on him gently, then used my hand to stroke him. I stopped and moved up to his lips.

"Do you want to come baby?" I asked kissing him softly on his parted lips. He nodded mouth still connected. "Do you want to this way?" I asked, stroking him with my hand. He hesitated. Then shook his head. I stopped and let him go. "How?" I asked.

"Can you try again? I'm fine." He said quietly.

"Baby, are you sure?" I said working him gently. His breathing changed, it would be easier if he was very hot; less emotional.

"Yes, let's try," he breathed.

I moved down and looked at him, completely naked. "I love you. You are amazing. Amazing," I said stroking him then working him again a slow rhythm. He moaned but in pleasure. "That's right baby. Feel good." I said changing the pace. He panted.

"Can….can. You…?" He looking at me weak with pleasure.

"You want my mouth on you?" I verified. He looked slightly stressed but desire won.

"Yes."

"Honey are you sure? We don't need to.."

"Please," he moaned and I recognized real pleasure. My resolve changed.

"Yes.. hold on." I said gently kissing him on his parts, on his legs lovingly. Pulling his legs apart gently, stroking his inner thigh. Blowing hot air on him.

"Ohh," he moaned.

"Okay baby tell me if it upsets you okay?" I gently. He looked at me and nodded. "Okay I'm doing it," I said comfortingly. "I love you. I'll never hurt you honey, it's okay. I promise." I vowed.

"I know," he said and it sounded like a dry sob almost. And I knew he was facing the fear.

"Nice and easy," I comforted. Then I slowly slipped him in my mouth and sucked on him gently. He quietly cried out and I knew in weak bliss. I made the up and down motion and he stiffened. I let go. "Honey?" I said concerned.

"I'm okay," he managed. I nodded and smiled sweetly at him. His eyes glowed in love. I sucked on him again and moved him deeper in my mouth, squeezing his balls at the same time. "Oh my God, God it feels so good. Uhh don't.. Don't stop." He begged and I sped up. "I'm going to.. I'm close.." he moaned. I sent him a thought, No. Not yet, hold it. He moaned in protest. I tried a different move and he did cry out softly. "Please," he begged. No honey, hold on for me. I sent, wanting him to feel the best he had in months. "God... God...I really can't," he moaned. Try, I urged. He held his breath. Thirty seconds later I could tell he could not any longer. Okay baby, go. I thought. "I'm ...coming" he gasped. Then after shaking he froze and came in my mouth gasping in orgasmic pleasure, a huge amount. I knew it felt very very good then. I slowly moved twice to prolong the pleasure. "Uhh" he moaned loving it. I pulled away and kissed him gently on his abdomen as he lost the erection. Then his belly button and chest. Then his teary cheek.

"Honey, why?" I said aghast.

"It was happy tears," he said more flowing down his face.

"Okay, I understand," I said stroking his arm.

"I can't move I feel so good," he sighed. Then I cradled him to me, still naked as he breathed peacefully.

"There, do you feel better?" I asked him. He nodded, truly looking it "Okay, here we go again," I said. He looked at me blinking, then sucked in a breath, shocked when he realized I wasn't joking. I humped him with no clothes on. He gasped so turned on again very quickly.

"I can't believe this," he moaned. I rubbed myself on him, never really doing it before this way with no clothes. "Holy shit Ness," he moaned. I went back to giving him oral sex again. Although rougher. Pulling his legs to meet me. He jerked in total surprise. "Oh.. How.. How are you doing that?" He moaned. I gave him a hand job at the same time. He was hard very very fast. I did his favorite sucking motion that almost always made him orgasm in thirty seconds. He almost screamed with this. "Are... You.. Kidding me?..." He gasped. But then I stopped. Trying the starting and stopping technique. He lost his breath. I knew disappointed by me stopping. Then I went again for five minutes until I knew he was about to. Then stopped. "You are killing me," he moaned. You need this. I thought. And did it again. How many times was humane? "Ness.. Please let me," he begged. Again and stopped. "Nessss," a deep moan. "Please sweetheart," he said. Again and another stop. He shouted out so close and yet not there. "Sweet Jesus," he said covering his face. "Torture," he gasped. Again. I wanted to snicker. And finally I let him and it was a stronger come. I knew it. Twice in 20 minutes.

That would put him to bed. When he got his breathing under control he said "Oh Lord, we've never done that. You destroy me woman," he said reaching for me. "I can't again.." he huffed.

"Are you sure? You're a werewolf," I said gently stroking him.

"No.. So tired," he said. He lay quietly as I continued stroking. He didn't respond at first, then got harder. His breathing sped slightly. It was a very very slow experience, because he was tired. Then I continued stroking. "How?" He moaned, breathing heavy. I rested my forehead on his.

"Just enjoy the feeling honey," I said kissing his neck. It took about ten full minutes, but that was ten full minutes of prolonged pleasure. But I successfully gave him a hand job, and he came again, but I caught the stream for him.

"I..I... I'm dead Ness," he said breathless. "How did you make me come three times?" He said, too tired to open his eyes.

"You needed it," I said kissing his mouth. I knew he was done. And I did an excellent job.

"Tomorrow you're going four times..." He breathed. I smiled. Maybe it was possible.

"Go to sleep. Let it carry you in." I said quietly.

"Thank you, I love you." He said then drifted off into peaceful sleep. No sign of nightmares.

The next few days were very blissful. Jake seemed like all the pins and needles were being removed from him. We spent all our time together, always touching. And at night, I continued to help Jake transition back without any hitches. We kept our hotel room. It was a nice oasis. One night, Jake was lying on his back, after a day of hiking, hands behind his head, looking thoughtfully at the ceiling. I lay next to him.

"Ness," he asked tentatively. I looked at him. He had a strange expression on his face. Shy. "Can we have sex?" He asked baldly. I sat up surprised. "Are you sure?" I asked. He started kissing me, not answering. But then I could tell quickly that our recent activities wouldn't be enough. I could read his need for me in his eyes. I nodded to him and he looked relieved. He picked me up and carried me to the desk in the room. He sat me on it and started kissing me again, hands between my legs working magic. Then he lay me back and stroked my chest and breasts.

"Please do it," I said, overwhelmed. It didn't take him long to get ready. I brought the supplies needed in the backpack. Just in case. He pulled me to the edge of the desk and pushed into me. Wow, this was different. I wrapped my legs around him, and felt the ecstacy in his pulses. He started gentle rocking me. "You can go harder," I said breathless. He gasped surprised then sped up, thrusting further out and in. It felt good, but I didn't want to do just this. "Stop" I said breathless. He did and looked down at me pulling me up. He kissed me like he was dying and I was saving him.

"Oh god Ness...Ness I missed you baby..." He moaned kissing my jaw and neck stroking my bare back. I broke off.

"Take me to the bed,"I breathed and he picked me up, my legs wrapped around him. He set me down and held himself over me, rubbing himself on me and moaning but not re-entering.

"What do you want honey," he whispered, kissing my ear. "Let me try something," I said. He let go and I got on all fours and faced away from him. "Oh God are you serious..." He moaned. "Oh my god this is so sexy Ness," he said stroking my back and butt.

"Be careful, it's new," I said.

"Okay," he said eagerly. He gently pulled me to the edge of the bed. He stroked me for several minutes, realizing I needed to be restarted in terms of my own horniness. He even sunk his fingers in me trying to restart me.

"Oh my God," I moaned. He ducked down and managed to give me oral from behind. Inserting his tongue in at a new angle, holding my legs apart and pulling me low to his face. I jumped because I realized he found my g spot with his tongue. He stopped.

"What?" He asked.

"You got the g spot again," I said breathless.

"Oh, wonderful," he moaned and returned to it, stroking it carefully with a finger and using his tongue. It was a different sort of almost climax.

"You need to stop" I gasped. He shook his head still connected he pulled me closer to get to my vagina easier and worked my g spot and clitoris. I really wanted all of him though. "Jake I want it," I said. And he stopped. He pulled me up so my butt was high and parted me carefully with his fingers. He eased himself in painlessly and I realized this was the most pleasurable position. I couldn't believe how good it felt. He held my legs and didn't pound me hard. He was trying to be more gentle. It was new. I kind of wanted him to a little. "Jake," I moaned and he realized that I wanted more. Then he pulled my butt against him tight and pressed harder, faster.

"I'm not going to last long..." He panted, the rhythm good, my cervix being grazed by his deepness.

"Then stop, slow down," I said. He did and put this mouth on me again, alternating. When he reentered again he pushed harder, what I wanted. In a minute I came with a yell. An explosive orgasm surface and internal. He followed almost immediately after several fast thrusts. He held me tightly against him when he came, deep in me and I felt the rush of warmth. He stroked my clitoris a bit longer. With his remaining erection he massaged my cervix deep in me, not thrusting, just pressing and rocking lifting me up almost and got another orgasm out of me, unexpectedly. He stopped to take the condom off and spent a few minutes massaging my shoulders and kissing my neck. Then he massaged my breasts. After a few minutes we were wrapped up again and he flipped me on my back and pulled me to the edge. He rested my legs on his shoulders, and proceeded to kiss my vagina, and use his tongue to ready me again. He got a new condom and massaged my vagina with his penis on the outside. And then stood and he pushed in me again holding my legs which were still on his shoulders. He put a pillow under me so I tilted up. He steered me forward and back easily and this time and he found my g spot again. This second time was longer for both of us, and I could really appreciate the building of the pleasure, the orgasm was almost at the same time this time, and all my limbs tingled from the pleasure.. After we laid quietly while he reached around from behind and continued to stimulate my clitoris gently, pulling my back and butt tight against his chest. I moaned and he slipped my ear into his mouth and held my legs open with his knee, pushing his penis against my back. I impossibly got wet for a third time that night and he gave me another orgasm with his hands, working my g spot each time.

"How... How can we do this..." I asked amazed.

"I think I know," he said kissing my neck. I turned around and began stroking him. He shivered.

"How can we keep having sex without stopping?" I asked.

"Because you're half vampire, and they can all night without stopping," he said caressing my breasts as I played with his testicles gently.

"Are you serious?" I asked. "They all do, like 8 hours a night?" I said shocked. He couldn't answer because of the pleasure I was giving him. I stopped talking then and bent down to give him a blow job. Seven blissful minutes of his moaning later, he came jerking and twitching in pleasure. "You mean, you think we could for as long as half a vampire can?"

"Maybe" he allowed before sucking my left breast.

"And what about you?" I asked.

"I think I'm getting a month of what I missed. Plus I'm a werewolf, I think I get sex stamina along with fight stamina."

"Did you know your orgasms can be better? We can try it later," I said.

"Oh, how?" He asked curiously.

"You may not like it, and we don't have to do it, but the prostate can give you g spot similar dry orgasms. Apparently better than ejaculating. I read about it," I said smiling. There was a silence.

"Yeah, I'm not ready for that. He said. I giggled then slipped out of bed. "

"Can we talk?" I asked. He looked lustful but looked at me.

"Okay," he said.

"How do you feel about the next round without a condom?" I asked. His eyes popped wide.

"What..." He said blankly.

"Do you want a family with me?" I asked looking into his eyes, lust forgotten. "Are you going to marry me?" I asked. It was quite a question. He sat up and I sat in his lap and wound my legs around his waist. I held my hands behind his neck.

"Yes, I was going to ask you, in the next year or so to get married," he said looking a little embarrassed.

"I'm sorry I asked, because that's your thing, proposing. But I don't have a year for kids," I said kissing his frozen face.

"If you don't want them, I understand. Maybe we can adopt someday," I suggested, but I admitted in my heart it wasn't what I wanted.

"I know about this actually," he said in a serious voice. I felt startled. "Your body is going to stop changing. I was going to bring it up soon, after we could be intimate again," he said. "But we've been having sex for hours, so, I think we're good." He added.

"So... Do you want to make a baby honey?" I asked looking into his eyes. There was a pause and then he broke into a huge smile.

"Yes," he said. I kissed him pinning him down. But he wasn't content with that he sat back up and lifted me against his chest.

"What do you want to try?" He asked between kisses.

"I have an idea," I said.

"Lie down," I said. He did and I played with him to warm him back up, including leaning down and putting him in my mouth.

"Oh God that's good," he breathed. Then I lifted myself up, facing away from him and lowered myself on to him no condom. He gasped. "Oh wow..." He managed. And I had sex with him facing the other way.

"You hold, we need a lot of sperm," I huffed.

"Oh god... Okay I'll try," he moaned. After a few hot minutes I stopped.

"Sit up," I said. He did and I disconnected. "Doggie is good for this," I said and got on all fours. He kneeled, sighing in pleasure, he loved this style, and eased himself into me. He started thrusting, but it was gentle. Knowing I was sore. But this time was about his orgasm not mine. He felt different, and I was glad nothing was coming between us.

"Remember, pregnancy is more likely if you orgasm also," he said, revealing that he had been reading too.

"Then deeper, faster," I begged and he pulled me very tight to him, and I felt his balls to against me and he pushed hard, increasing the speed. The deepest he ever was.. He opened my legs and lifted me up and got impossibly deeper, a different angle, grinding the g spot with the base of his penis. The best sex I ever had ever. . Right up against my cervix.

"I'm coming, can you at the same time..?" I asked.

"No... Wait," he said and increased his speed, fast. But because of lube it didn't hurt. I was so clenched for orgasm. "Okay .. I can," he said.

"Hold for sperm," I said.

"Ugh," he moaned. A minute later, he told me he had to and I let go myself. He felt it and let go right after. It felt incredible, being so close and intimately connected with Jake. It was such a good orgasm it even hurt slightly, the pulses so strong. I felt the warmth of the sperm and it felt weird and good in me. I felt emotionally close from it, actually, and I wondered if it was a chemical thing. I told him we needed to stay connected for about 15 minutes to increase the likelihood of pregnancy.

"Is it possible we just made a baby?" I asked into the silence. Jake kissed my back.

"Maybe," he whispered. He twisted so we were still connected, but lying side by side. "What kind of father do you think I'll be," he asked, looking into my eyes. It was a relatively vulnerable question.

"You'll be a great dad. Understanding, carefree, fun, and serious when you need to be. You don't force things that don't need to be forced. And you're patient. He or she will be very lucky," I said and kissed his forehead. He smiled and looked thoughtful.

"He or she? Do you have a preference?" He asked me. I thought about it. It was difficult to say. I could imagine happy times with either. I admitted to myself that a boy would be excellent in the way that he would be the next chief Alpha, if he inherited the wolf gene. But if I had a little girl, I could become close to her like I am with my mother.

"Either," I ultimately decided, and it was true. I wondered if the baby would create a fast pregnancy, like mine or if it would follow a more traditional human pregnancy. He eventually disconnected gently from me then lied down next to me and cradled me to his chest.

"So, we're going to have a family," Jake said wonderingly. "A lot to do," he added. What an understatement. We were unmarried, and living in our parents' houses. But I knew these were small details that my aunt and grandmother would have no trouble with. I thought about where we would live, and I had no idea. Not too far from home. I wanted my baby to see the family almost everyday. I was getting tired from all the planning and speculating. My eyes drooped.

"I was thinking, with all the mind readers here, maybe we should spill what were up to sooner rather than later," Jake murmured. I nodded. It was really the best course of action.

"Maybe we make our way home?" I asked before slipping under.

…

The home trip didn't take long. We were both so happy again. We left so much darkness behind us. And a very bright future. When we got home, mom was pleased to see us.

We pretty much were glowing, but it didn't matter. Everyone knew we were on a private trip. Emmett was the worst, making ridiculously suggestive comments about not coming up for air and stamina and crap. It was his way though. I was hoping to call a family meeting. I took out my phone and called Grandpa. "Hello?" He answered pleasantly. "Could we have a family meeting tonight?" I asked. There was a pause. "Nice to hear you're back! Sure is something wrong?" He asked. "No, we just want to talk," I said. "I'll arrange it, around 6?" "That's great!" I said. "I also need to make an appointment with you next week or the week after if that's alright." There was a longer pause. "Alright, that's fine, any day is fine," he said, and in that moment I had the thought that he might know. We hung up.

"Wanna see Simon and Bram? I asked Jake.

"Sure!" He answered smiling and kissing my forehead. The big house had grown in recent months. There were too many of us. Grandma added an addition to give Simon and Bram a place. She enjoyed building, she had been itching to try new ideas anyway. We left our room and went over to their wing, which included a cozy living room with glass walls, and knocked. After a moment, Bram answered. He looked slightly stressed but his expression cleared. "Hey," he said, looking pleased to see us.

" Do you mind if we hang out?" I asked.

"Sure," he answered. Simon was on the couch, something in his expression too was unsettled. He smiled when he saw us come through the door, however.

"Hey guys," he said easily.

"Would you like to do something today?" I asked. Jake smiled, still dreamy from four hours of sex. But I instantly curbed my thoughts and hoped he was wise enough to curb his.

"What do you think?" Bram asked.

"I'd like to go for a hike. Maybe hunt," I said.

"Well, I may be slow," Bram said, acknowledging his human weakness.

"I'll carry you," Simon said appearing at his shoulder, and smiling serenely, the tense moment forgotten. It was incredible how much Simon had changed and how much vampire life seem to suit him. He was graceful, with vivid blonde hair, and a perfect pale face.

Bram smiled and looked at Simon how Jake looks at me. They were close in personality, in some ways. He gestured out and we went to the front yard. Jake went to phase. Bram was always fascinated by this. He stared at Jake, interested, when he returned. Jake walked over to him so Bram could touch the russet fur. I ran my hands through it, marveling at the softness and buried my face in the sweet woodsy scent. I loved my boyfriend in all his forms. He reached his head back and nuzzled my face. I interpreted this as, I love you. Jake pulled away and smiled a wolf grin.

"If we're done dog petting, can we go?" asked Simon a bit impatiently. Bram smiled, obviously finding it cute and returned to his boyfriend.

Simon lifted Bram into a piggy back position. Bram clutched him looking a bit nervous. I knew it made him slightly nauseous when he rode on vampires. I personally loved it, whenever dad or Uncle Jasper or Grandpa gave me a ride. What a great thrill, sprinting through the trees; like flying. Dad was the fastest. Then Jake led the way into the forest, breaking into a sprint. Simon followed and easily was in the lead, still a new vampire. I heard his whoop of pleasure. I brought up the rear but Jake circled back frequently to check in, also showing off. I rolled my eyes at him.

Going a bit fast? I added for Simon's thoughts. Starting to get bored with my slower running, I leapt up and grabbed a tree branch from a stika spruce, then another and pulled myself up into the branches like a cat. I always loved to climb. Jake didn't as much, because he was a lot heavier and broke branches, but he did his best to follow along. When I was alone, I liked to climb dangerously high, swaying in the breeze back and forth with the tip of the tree's final branch. I pulled myself high in the branches, wanting to enjoy the view. I found a spacious branch that would hold all of us if they wanted to join me. I could see the river and the big house from there. A cool breeze blew across my face, the sky was more sunny than overcast.

"You guys want to join?" I asked, not needing to speak loud for them to hear me. About 8 minutes later, I heard Jacob climbing the tree. He was fairly graceful athletically, unless branches broke under him. He pulled himself onto my branch and kissed me. I instantly felt an electric current. His sigh told me he felt it too. Ever since our life changing night of passion, it was difficult concentrating on day to day normal things. But we had to. We couldn't stay locked in our room all day.

"How fun would it be to do it up here?" I whispered, despite myself, then laughed. He smiled.

"Very, but I don't think we have time." He put an arm around me and looked down at the big house.

"Jake, we should build us a treehouse..." I mused. "A place we really could make love in the trees," I said gazing at him and smiling.

"Really? That would be quite a challenge," he said, but looked amused with the idea.

"Esme would love it," I said.

"I don't want a baby up here though, maybe later?" He said.

There was a crunch below us and immediately we stopped talking about babies.

"Ahoy up there, want company?" Simon called.

"Sure," I called. There was a soft sound of bending branches and labored breathing; Bram. He was probably afraid.

"Maybe I shouldn't have gone so high," I said. Jake looked over the side.

"They're almost here," he said.

Then Simon appeared, Bram clutching his neck, eyes squeezed shut, terrified. "It's okay Bram, I won't let you fall," Simon comforted, gently swinging him to sit next to Jake. Jake clutched his shoulder to steady him. Bram opened his eyes and looked around. When he took in the sturdy branch, he relaxed somewhat.

"This is crazy, you guys have the most incredible experiences," he said, looking at the big house.

"I'm still stunned by it. Everything comes so easy," Simon said sitting next to Bram and holding onto his leg. He looked around peacefully. His eyes were a dull orange now, due to his diet of animal blood. He didn't need glasses anymore, and it was hard getting used to him without them. Simon could easily mingle with humans at this point. For a newborn, he did very well. "So what's new?" He asked everyone. I thought it was almost funny because there was so much new with Jake and I I felt like my head was going to explode. I didn't want to spoil it. But of course Simon could hear this. He tilted his head at me. Later. I thought, not wanting to get into it.

"Well, tonight we have something to talk about with everyone, we're having a family meeting." I said brightly, tightly controlling my thoughts.

"That's great because we have something to share too," said Bram cheerfully. Simon grimaced slightly, and Bram didn't catch it.

Is something the matter? I asked him mentally. He frowned slightly. Something about Bram obviously. I continued. Hmmm. Are you guys going back to Dartmouth? I asked. He shook his head slightly. Oh is it, maybe... And I thought about sex. He rolled his eyes. I puzzled over it looking at Bram's radiant expression. Then I met Simon's eye contact again. Oh. I thought and understood his discomfort. He wants to change, doesn't he? Simon looked at me and then at Bram unhappily. Why is that a problem? I went on. Although he couldn't answer me. I thought about it while Jake and Bram chatted about favorite amusement park rides; talking about the fear of heights. You probably don't want to see him hurt. Or maybe think it's selfish to steal the rest of his life? I thought. He looked down. A nod. I talked to my mother, and she grappled with these things when she was deciding. She was able to see her dad again. I see my grandfather. But unfortunately, my other grandmother was not accepting. Have you thought about seeing your parents? I asked. He lifted one shoulder and dropped it. A shrug. It will take time. I agreed. But when it comes to Bram, Simon, he wants to be with you. More than anything. He doesn't want to be old while you're 18 forever, and he doesn't want to break up. What choices are left? I asked mentally. He frowned looking thoughtful. In the end, he has to choose. Simon just looked grave but then rubbed Bram's leg. Bram looked at him, and smiled in a way that led me to believe he wanted him to cheer up. He picked up his hand and kissed it. Then played with his silky vampire skin, looking at it wonderingly. Bram was very taken with Simon's vampire self. I enjoyed their love story. It was different from my family. Finally I got my outside friends I always wanted, and it looked like we never had to stop being together. Bram will be so happy. We all are, save Aunt Rosalie. But she wanted to have kids badly. You can always adopt. Simon looked thoughtful again and Bram looked well, the happiest I'd seen him in months. Simon noticed too and smiled.

Suddenly Jake started, "Do you hear that?" He asked. I listened and picked up a faint heartbeat and a bark. It was a dog, which also meant an owner. We looked at each other.

"Why don't you guys stay and I'll go down," he offered. It was too sunny for Simon and he was better at carrying Bram. They nodded and Jake disappeared below. I was curious so I flitted down somewhat. Jake dropped like a rock halfway down and he grabbed a tree branch, then he dropped again. I heard sniffing and four paws. Then a small puppy came forward, his paws too big for him. He had an official looking coat on him. He went to Jake's feet. He bent down and picked him up. He panted and smiled. "Hey boy," he said enthusiastically. Jake pet him and he looked up at him with cute chocolate eyes. He was a German Shepard. "You're a good boy huh?" Jake said voice warm. He licked his hand.

"Milo?" called someone and I picked up the heartbeat. Jake carried him closer. I climbed higher to see them.

"Thanks," she said, and she was dressed like a police officer. He set him down. He ran to his owner barking happily.

"Beautiful dog," Jake said. Is he a working dog?" He asked.

"Yes, actually he's in training for search and rescue. He's training his nose and stamina right now." Jake smiled.

"How do you get into that?" He said.

"I went into the academy with a focus on dog related training and rescue. Then you work with dogs and learn how to train them, and you look for the right breeder. The need to be trained for the certification exam by age two. In 20 minutes, they need to find so many people buried in rubble," she said. I cocked my head interested.

"It sounds like a great career," he said. "Good luck," he said.

"Thanks again," she said leashing him and leading Milo away. Jake stared after them, and the look on his face really struck me. It was a look of almost longing. And Jake frequently didn't want anything. I was fascinated. He turned back and joined me.

"Well, you're a welcome sight," he said climbing the branches and trapping me on a branch to kiss me. I kissed him back urgently, really wanting him. I sent him the thought. "Later," he said smiling. Teasing. I sent him an idea for a new position and he sighed. I was tempting him back. We climbed up back to our friends. "It was a dog in police training," he said smiling. The others nodded. Then we talked about hunting soon. Jake looked thoughtful, and really he often didn't.

Later we ran and hunted, each getting two deer. We brought Bram home first. It wasn't safe for him. Simon was still too new.

Later we decided to go to first beach when it got more overcast again. I lounged on the beach next to Jake, enjoying a driftwood fire.

"German Shepards, very adorable right?" I said to Jake. He smiled.

"And very impressive. What a talent, saving people," he said.

"You did once. I thought you enjoyed that," I said taking his hand.

"Sure," he said. "But perhaps not now," he said. There were no more vampires.

"Well you're strong, and noble. Maybe you could save people from normal dangers," I said.

"Hmm, I'm not sure I want vigilante life. But my hero name could have been The Wolf. Alice could have chosen my cape," he said snickering. I thought in silence for a while.

"What about legitimately?" I asked. He looked at me.

"You mean, like a cop? Like Charlie?" He asked. I smiled.

"Is there something wrong with that?" I asked. He was quiet for a while.

"Not sure," he said. I thought to myself, maybe this was a good idea for him.

"If we want to make our family meeting we should go back," I said getting up. Jake kicked sand over our fire, then slipped away to phase. I decided to catch a ride back. Bram and Simon had been down by the water. Bram got on Simon, looking a little more confident. The big house was lit when we got home. Dad and mom were standing outside, watching the setting sun.

"You have me so curious," mom said smiling, putting an arm around my shoulder. I didn't reveal anything, just smiled and followed Jake inside.

Everyone sat in the living room. We recently got another couch due to Simon and Bram. I curled up next to Jake and Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper. Alice leaned forward to look at me.

"I wish I could see! I hate being left out of secrets!" She said, looking pained. I just smiled a toothy grin at her. I was convinced the news would be received positively, but I was a bit worried about dad. Mom had me when she was 17 too, so hopefully it wouldn't be a problem.

Everyone gathered, my parents next to Grandma and Grandpa, then Emmett and Rose, and Simon and Bram. Bram looked at everyone eagerly. He was still deeply fascinated by the vampires. Grandpa cleared his throat.

"So we're having a family meeting if anyone wants to share news." His eyes twinkled as he looked at me. I hoped he controlled his thoughts.

Everyone looked over at Jake and me. Jake cleared his throat uncomfortably. He didn't like a lot of attention. I decided to talk.

"As you know," I began. "My aging is ending within the year, so Jake and I talked and made the decision to..." And I looked at mom, who was looking at me with rapt attention. "Start trying," I said with a grin. There was a moment of incredible silence, then Grandma jumped up.

"Oh my goodness, that's wonderful!" She exclaimed and everybody thawed. Mom got up too and she looked happy, and it didn't seemed forced. I hugged them. Aunt Rose looked pleased with the idea of more babies. Uncle Emmett mock punched Jake's shoulder and laughed only he didn't sour the moment with bad jokes. Everyone was grinning and chatting. Dad came up to me and I stopped smiling.

"Really?" He asked, and it didn't sound bad. "I'm going to be a grandfather?" He asked, looking stunned. Then he hugged me. I was happy because he was taking it well. Aunt Alice's delightful laugh rang out and bounced off the walls back to us.

"There's so much to do! A baby shower, so much prep. Esme!" She shouted, and dashed away.

"Congratulations," Uncle Jasper said quietly. He was muted in his way, but seemed happy.

"I had a feeling when you asked for an appointment," Grandpa said. "I didn't think I'd have another chance to deliver a baby in this family. You know I missed yours," he said to me and put an arm on Jake's shoulders.

"You're really ready?" Dad asked him with a bit of pressure. It didn't phase Jake.

"Yes, otherwise it will never happen," he said and smiled serenely. It was the happiest he looked since his issues with the PTSD. Dad seemed satisfied. Simon pushed through tugging Bram by the hand. His eyes were round.

"My God guys, you are so grown up!" He exclaimed.

"Mom had me at the same age," I said.

"I didn't know that," said Bram, again staring at her still shocked that I was her daughter and about the whole story in general. Simon had told him and in the following days, he asked Mom a lot of questions. She didn't mind.

"Well guys that's incredible. I'll get some instructions written for you Ness for when it's finally time. It will be really interesting to see if the fetus will be human or part human vampire or all three," he mused. I sat down next to Jake again on the couch and he cradled me against him gently. I didn't need to read his mind to know how peaceful he was feeling. It was good. I had been so worried about him for so long.

"I'm not sure how to tell Grandpa Charlie yet," mom said looking slightly strained. Yeah that would be interesting, I thought.

"Or Billy...or the pack..." said Jake, sounding less peaceful. I kissed his hand. It would all work out.

"Any other news?" Grandpa said.

"Yes actually," Bram said shyly. Everyone looked at him and the atmosphere was warm, so it helped him out. Simon's smile seemed a bit more strained. Dad was locking eyes with him, and I knew they were having a conversation.

"We've decided that I'm going to become a vampire, with your permission, of course..." He said, looking at Grandpa, shy again. This was also met with a pause.

Grandpa spoke first. "Wow, what a big decision, of course you're welcome to be a vampire in this family," he said, smiling warmly. Most everyone else didn't know what to say. It was a tense thing. Choosing something the rest of them were all forced into. But Mom chose it. She smiled.

"I completely understand Bram, I didn't want to age past Edward either, and I've never regretted it," she said kissing his cheek. Aunt Rosalie didn't look impressed but this was somewhat different. Bram wasn't giving up the ability to be pregnant, the way my mother thought she had.

"So, what's the timeline exactly?" asked Dad.

"We're not sure, I'm we need you to advise us on what to do. I'm aware of the issues concerning new vampires. I know I may need to grow up away from people for a while," Bram said. We looked to Uncle Jasper, who made all the decisions about newborn vampires.

"Certainly we can make the change possible. We could spend time with Tanya maybe. She's quite isolated in the North. There's no issue with human exposure where they live. I'm certain they would love to have us," he said. I was excited by the prospect. I loved Uncle Garrett and Aunt Kate.

"Have you considered everything you would need to give up, including your family?" Grandpa asked kindly but seriously.

"Yes, and all cons aside, I won't go on without Simon," Bram said with conviction. We all looked at Simon. He still looked uncomfortable.

"And where do you stand Simon?" Grandma asked.

"I want Bram to do what he wants. I'm just a little worried about the risks, the transformation process," he said evasively.

"We'll help you with everything," Grandpa promised. "Congratulations, I'm happy for you," he said. I got up to hug them both, and Jake did as well. Jake was very adjusted to vampires. It didn't bother him that Bram wanted to be one. He obviously wasn't going to start killing people. We wouldn't allow it.

"We all don't have to go to Tanya's," dad said.

"Yeah, whoever wants to," Bram said quickly. I knew Simon's concerns, but I was glad Bram was joining us.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked Simon and he nodded and followed me on to the back porch. "I know I said it all earlier in the tree, but do you want to talk about this?" I said kindly, knowing Simon well. He was expressive and emotional. And it was clear, he was stressed.

"I just can't help but feel like I'm stealing his life. He could get older, meet someone else, fall in love, and have a family. Or he could play teenager with me forever, limited in so many ways..." He said, voice burdened.

"I know Simon, but you can have a family too. You can adopt," I said kindly.

"What, a human? And then turn them into a vampire?" He said sounded disgusted.

"No. People get turned into vampires not wanting it, and that may not want to kill people. There are people out there who might need guidance. A home," I said. He processed this.

"Doesn't seem easy to find," Simon said.

"No but Aunt Alice may be able to help find them," I said.

"Still, Bram could have a baby with someone, get his sperm implanted etc." Simon said heavily.

"Well we could freeze his sperm," I said. "We could still do that and then when the baby is of age, give him or her the choice," I suggested.

"I'm not sure I feel better about that plan," Simon sighed. "I can see changing a person to save them. I can't see changing perfectly healthy people just cause. I keep thinking of that stupid middle school book Tuck Everlasting. Ugh.." he moaned and covered his face.

"Bram really wants this though," I whispered.

"Yes. It's the only thing we've ever really fought over," he said. "I don't understand why Bram would throw away so much for me," he said morosely.

"Simon. Come on. You're lovely. Of course Bram wants to stay with you," I said comfortingly. Simon stared at the river, and I had the impression that he was saying something mentally, not to me. So Dad was interested in this conversation too. Well, dad would know better than anyone, the horror of ending your soulmate's life by choice. "My dad is someone you should talk to. When my mother was my age and human, he didn't want to change her," Simon looked at me.

"Yeah, maybe I'll hang back with him," he said. But then Bram came out looking for him.

"Want to turn in?" He asked. Simon hesitated, then it was clear he longed for him more than he wanted to hang back and talk to Dad.

"Did you eat?" He asked going over to him and taking his hand. "I'm not sure we feed you enough," he said.

"Just did, Jake's eating too," he said.

"Okay, let's go," he said, and they left at human speed.