Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online or Deadpool. Both franchises and characters belong to their respective owners.
"Did you really just start a new chapter after a time skip of only a few hours?"
[He just wanted to make sure people liked the idea.]
{Who can't like this story? We're Deadpool!}
Wondering through the forests of the first floor, whilst occasionally using his broken Teleport skill, the Mercenary in red had already crossed a great distance. However, if he had paid more attention to the black-haired player's explanation – "Jesus-kun" – he would have understood that there was a thing called a floor map.
However, it so happens that the Merc in Red did not listen to the beta tester and did not use the map to its full capabilities. Thus, resulting in an hour-long loop of walking and teleporting, with the occasional mob spawning in the pitch-black darkness of the night.
"Couldn't you have said that any sooner? Damn it, man."
[He is right, you know.]
{Where is this map located in the menu anyway?}
Before anyone could react, even if they wanted to, another group of Dire Wolves spawned before the monologuing player in red. It was during one of his first fights alone the Merc in Red understood another important thing in Sword Art Online.
The so-called Sword Skills, for example, the basic Sword Skill -Vertical-, requires a player to have the skill slot -One Handed Sword-. In other words, Deadpool could not use sword skills, an important asset to defeat monsters and earn experience.
"Don't be so dramatic, OP. There are more ways than one to get to Rome," The Merc with a Mouth said to himself as he teleported on to the branches of a tree, materialized a spear, and began to throw one after another at the wolves below him. After the 15th spear, joining the other 14 spears sticking out of the first Dire wolf, the creature vanished into oblivion.
With no way to reach the top, as the continuous damage received over time by the many weapons thrown prevented them, the wolves were still trying to determine if they should continue to surround the tree. That, or if they should retreat for not being able to attack the player head-on. However, before the algorithm of their CPU could decide, another 30 spears spelt the end of the remaining hungry beasts.
"You are really doing this just for the word quota, aren't you?"
[Details are important though.]
{But too much is a pain in the ass to read.}
After taking a short rest in the safety of the tree, as well as finding the map floor data, the Merc resumed his march. Fifteen minutes passed by when a sound of a loud screech entered his ear from his front.
"Guess we gotta check it out."
[Maybe it's Jesus-kun.]
Without a second to waste, the Merc in Red jumped forward, abusing his Teleport skill to the max. When he finally reached the location he believed the sound came from, he heard the sound of a group of monsters, the swish of a sword and the wails of a crying baby as he witnessed two players holding back a horde of Little Neplents.
Before Deadpool could even react on the whole scenario in front of him – a young black-haired boy beating the living shit out of an eyeless leek and another player, barely noticeable due to the Hiding Skill in Fetal Position – he received another pop-up in his HUD. Deadpool shifted his attention to the flashing -!- and received the following message; -Item added to inventory: Sword Art Online, guide and script for dummies.-
"Finally, been asking since chapter 1 for this thing."
[It was probably not easy to make.]
{Or OP didn't have enough patience.}
While the Merc in Red made the sweeping motion with his fingers and materialized the book, the two players were still going at it. The black-haired boy may have been in the clear, but the second boy realized he was surrounded by monsters that could still smell him.
"It would have been something else they smelled if that inventor was a little tiny bit more realistic in certain aspects of the game."
[Toilet aspects.]
{We would be throwing poop all day.}
"Good point." The Mercenary answered himself as he shifted his attention to the book in front of him. The second boy was now shouting as he tried to find an escape from his dire situation.
"Let's see. Script, characters, how to perform Sword Skills, the reason for this story, monsters, quests, bladi bladi blah. Chapter Two… to get a new strong weapon, Kirito teams up with a beta tester called Coper." The Merc in Red returned his focus to the chaotic scene in front of him, looking at the black-haired boy and the other screaming boy before shifting his attention back to the book.
"Guess we're here. How can one survive a horde of monsters this long anyway? Coper attempted to MPK Kirito, but the plan backfires and he finds himself on the short end shortly after.''
{So, we have to save a kid who just tried to indirectly kill his partner?}
[This is going to be lovely.]
One last cry for help echoed through the air, before the health bar of the player known as Coper entered the red. Feeling every bit of regret running through his mind, fear started to overwhelm the player until-
"Hello there."
"What?" the boy gasped before being teleported back to safety, next to the black-haired boy to be more precise.
[He failed the meme.]
{We should have left him to die!}
The three players turned to watch where the boy had just been, the large group of Little Neplents looking around themselves before retreating to another place on the map.
"What just happened? Sir Deadpool, what are you doing here?" Kirito asked the player who had just joined them.
"Missing one heck of a party it seems. Like the new look by the way."
[No homo.]
{For Jesus-kun, we can go full homo.}
[We are only T/M-rated and he is only 14.]
While Deadpool continued with his internal monologuing, Kirito had no idea how to react to the compliment. The young boy next to him shifted his attention to the last retreating Little Neplents, before the player next to him and then the mysterious red-pajamaed player in front of him. Silent tears began to roll down his cheeks.
"I'm sorry."
Kirito and Deadpool's attention were immediately drawn to the player in brown, not knowing what to say. The first to speak was Coper, who continued his apology.
"I was afraid we would receive the quest item only once. It was an act of desperation. You can understand that, right?" the boy asked, now almost pleading. Kirito and Deadpool shared a confounded look before the Merc in Red spoke.
"Yare Yare Daze… [Another reference.] {This is only the start!} Look, you have done something truly stupid, almost killing Mr. Pretty Boy here and, if it wasn't for me, killing yourself as well. Next time just try to work together. Makes life in a death game a little bit easier, am I right?" Both boys nodded to the Merc's statement.
"That being said, you have to leave. Sorry, but after experiencing such a thing, we simply can't trust you anymore."
[His time was up anyway.]
{Once a side character, always a side character.}
The brown-haired boy nodded in defeat and made his way back to the nearest safe zone. When the boy finally was out of the player's sight, Kirito shifted his attention back to his old party member and spoke.
"Sorry about that. Thanks for the save."
"No problem, pal. Speaking of pals, where's our red-haired friend Balls – euhm… Klein."
[Dodged a bullet right there.]
{The Neo of Sword Art Online, baby!}
The black-haired boy's expression complicated, the once grateful face replaced by a shadowed regret.
"It's a bit of a long story," the boy finally answered.
[We may have to read the script later.] Deadpool looked back to the boy.
"I understand. At least don't ignore him like you guys have never met when he messages you. You may come to regret that later." Deadpool replied with a serious tone?
[What are you so surprised about?]
{We can be understanding. Sometimes… rarely… but we can!}
The black-haired swordsman made an attempt to smile and the two old-but-really-only-one-hour party members decided to travel together until the quest's completion. It was at that moment the boy received a private message.
"Sorry, sir Deadpool. I have to go. Someone asked for some information regarding the latest quest and I have a meeting with them later on." The black-haired boy replied. Fully caught up to the story, however, Deadpool was having none of it.
[He's pulling a Klein on us!]
{Oh hell no!}
"I don't mind joining you. Maybe I could be of use to them as well someday."
"I guess that is a good point. A bit of advice though, my contact is a bit… impulsive."
[Crazy?]
{Sounds like they are fun to spent time with!}
Thirty minutes later, in an empty tavern in the town of Horunka, the duo turned around to see a brown-coated player entering, six drawn whiskers that described her nickname in the beta all too well. Her eyes shifted to the boy in front of her and a large grin forming.
[That's the Rat.]
{Oh yeah. Argo scene incoming!}
"Hi there, Kii-bou. Made a new friend?"
"Sort of. Argo, meet Sir Deadpool, sir Deadpool, Argo the Rat." The black-haired boy introduced the two players to one another.
"DP is just fine. The name is quite a mouth full if you have to keep saying it over and over again. Nice to meet you, beauty."
"Oh, liking you already. Hands off though, or you'll have to pay." The Rat smirked.
[Sassy.]
{I like it!}
Argo returned her focus onto her black-haired friend and spoke.
"Have you done the Secret Medicine of the Forest quest already, Kii-bou?"
"Yeah, just completed it. There have been some annoying changes to it since the beta though." The black-haired boy stated, to the shock of Argo, who was still fully aware of the player next to him.
"Kii-bou, what are you…?"
"Don't worry, missy. I was fully aware of pretty boy's secret identity before the whole event. I am cool with beta testers. Not one myself though."
[What were we doing three months ago?]
{Killing sinister for a 50th time I suppose. Or hanging out with Logan. I am not too sure. I didn't feel that well.}
While Kirito told the Rat everything that happened at the quest and the changes he had found, including the whole event with Coper, Deadpool took the liberty to quickly check his manual for Argo's character.
As he discovered during their travel back to Horunka, the black-haired boy could not see the words written it, meaning Deadpool was the only one that could read this book.
Argo the Rat, a.k.a. Izawa Shiori, is the best information broker of Aincrad. Many describe her as crazy, impulsive, straightforward and trustworthy for information, but dangerous when one has a hole in their mouth, figuratively speaking.
[He just had to add that, didn't he?]
{Well, he is well prepared for our comebacks. That's for sure.}
She has a great memory, but her behavior hides insecurity. The Rat also has a weakness for her beta friend Kirito.
[Abuse this information?]
{Most definitely!}
When the black-haired boy was finally done, the Merc in Red noticed a flash of worry in the eyes of the Rat as she spoke.
"That idiot Coper. Hope he learned from that experience. Got to thank you for your hard work, DP."
"No problem, love. I was just in the neighborhood." The Rat then shifted her full attention onto the red-pyjamaed player and began her assault of questions.
"Now, what is your secret? Heard about a red-pajamaed player saving some lives at the border of Aincrad. Your doing?"
"Absolutely. I doubt I can really answer any questions though. You wouldn't be able to understand it, no offense to your thinking capabilities of course."
Argo just stared at the Merc in Red with a questionable look on her face, wondering if what the red clothed player said was true. Eventually, she gave up on the latter as a grin remerged on her face.
"Gotta believe you on that. I'm off again, Kii-bou. Be careful out there guys!" Kirito just nodded, following with a "You too," but Deadpool wasn't done just yet.
"Wait just a sec, miss Rat. I know I am not Mr. Pretty Boy, but I can maybe help with finding information. Having a problem with adding another boy to that lovely friend list of yours?" The Rat just smiled, but if you just paid that extra bit of attention to her face, you could see the slightest hint of a blush.
[Still got it.]
"Doesn't sound that bad. Better not disappoint me though."
After adding another one to their friend's list, the girl left the tavern, leaving the duo alone once again. Kirito sighed, sounding both surprised and terrifyingly impressed when he asks the Merc, "Haven't seen anyone handle the Rat that well. Want to join my party?"
[Victory!]
{Achievement accomplished; gain Jesus-kun's trust.}
"Yeah, sure." Deadpool accepted casually, whilst internally a whole party was celebrating in the depths of his mind.
Three weeks, that was how long the victims of Sword Art Online had been trapped since the start of this death game. 914 players had lost their lives since that time, 394 of them with the familiar description –Connection Failure– while the remaining 520 players due to monsters.
"Could have been a lot less, if this game wasn't so laggy."
"Who are you talking to?" Kirito asked his companion, both players walking through the 18th floor of the first dungeon of Aincrad.
"Ah, not important. Shouldn't we be close to the stairs by now?"
"Doubt it. We just entered the 18th floor." The boy replied. It was at that moment the duo heard a sound coming from afar. Without even thinking for a second, both players made their way towards the source, until they both noticed a red-hooded fencer fighting a Ruin Kobold….
[Fencer and red. Hm.]
{Favorite Tsundere incoming!}
While Deadpool stared at the fencer who showed remarkable skills, despite her tiny sword, eventually defeat the monster in front of her, Kirito stepped forward.
"The entire part of what happens next is in the Writer's other story or Progressive Novel 1."
[Again, it adds nothing to the story if we give you all this information.]
{Instead, we will tell you legends what we have been doing while this bastard had to skip three full weeks of awesome Deadpool moments!}
While Kirito began a conversation with the hooded fencer, who was now leaning against the wall, the Merc in Red began his story.
"Okay, what happened those weeks again? Oh right, Jesus-kun and I fought side by side, killing monsters one after another. I saved some other idiots who were stuck in a bad situation and even gained ten more levels. Got a nice skill as well. Maybe I can show it later. Oh, I paid a visit to Balls a couple of times too. Great fellow."
[If only he could come with us.]
{Maybe one day…}
"Oh, DP? Can I have some help, please?" the black-haired boy suddenly asked, looking worried. When the Merc in Red shifted his attention back to the boy, he noticed the fencer lying down on the ground, completely unconscious.
"Didn't know you were into this kind of thing, Kirito-boy. Maybe a bit fast on your first meeting though."
"Shut up and just help me. If we leave her here, she's not going to survive." The boy retorted, a healthy red color on his face.
"Fine, fine, get that majestic item out of your inventory and let's bring her outside."
One hour later, accompanied by the rhythmic guidance of Deadpool's version of 'Staying Alive', the trio of players, one still unconscious and lying against a tree, sat on the soft grass near the city of Tolbana.
"Staying alive, staying alive, ha, ha, ha, ha." The Merc sang loudly as he moved his body perfectly to the beat in his mind.
"How do you keep coming up with these songs?" the black-haired boy asked, still amazed that the partner he had fought three weeks side-by-side with could still surprise him at this point.
"Don't know. Just can."
[We just follow the groove.]
{And let it just be OP was really in the grove for some old timers.}
It was to that exact image the fencer opened her eyes, beautiful hazelnut pupils adjusting to a huge amount of light from the virtual sun. Her eyes slowly fell upon the two boys, one in red dancing to nothing and one in black, sitting against the tree.
When the two players noticed the girl waking up, four eyes, two black onyx and two hazel-brown under a red mask, stared at her. She didn't care much for the masked idiot, but the black onyx eyes of the black-haired player in front of her created small fireworks in the confines of her chest and mind.
"Oh, that is so uncool."
[Could be worse.]
{Still hurts though.}
"You should have left me. I was ready to die." The fencer stated bluntly, in an emptiness that could all but be heard in her voice.
Another copy… Really…?
[Again, why type a conversation twice,]
{When you have it on speed dial.}
While Deadpool had yet again another internal monologue, Kirito answered the fencer.
"I didn't save you."
"Then why didn't you leave me back then?"
"I only wanted your map data," the black-haired swordsman lied, turning. "If you have been fighting for four days straight, you must have mapped out a good amount of unexplored land. It would be a waste if that was for nothing."
Asuna was at a loss for words at the simple logic in that sentence, not even prepared to come up with a reason as to why not to give the information to the boy before her.
"Okay, enough!" The Merc in Red stated bluntly, both players overcome with surprise at the sudden outburst. What both players did not know, was that Deadpool for once was well-informed of the fencer before him, thanks to his manual for dummies.
{What do you mean for once?}
Asuna, Lighting Flash, a.k.a.Asuna Yuuki is known as a total newbie at the start of Sword Art Online. Entering the world by accident, the girl had no idea what was in store for her. After fighting alongside the black-swordsman for a while, she eventually grew out of her shell and became one of the most inspiring vice-leaders of the front lines, fighting side by side with her in-game husband Kirito.
[How about we speed that up a bit.]
{Hoping she can at least open her menu first.}
"What Mr. Pretty Boy here is saying is partly true, but he is forgetting the most important part." The fencer stared at the Merc in Red with surprised and tired eyes while the black-haired swordsman had another "Oh shit," moment.
"The reason my boy and I saved your pretty ass, Miss Depressive, was that he noticed the potential in your sword skill. What was it again you said to me, she was like a shooting star?" The Merc stated with a grin, forcing the black-haired boy to look away with a burning red face. The fencer stared very intensely to the ground, attempting to hide her similarly beet-red face which now blended perfectly with her hood.
"If not for the newbie mistakes he picked up, he would probably be a bit envious. You got potential to survive this game, girl." To those words, the fencer suddenly lifted her face with an even more shocked expression, as she believed she had heard enlightenment itself.
"You really think so?" the fencer asked hopeful, Kirito internally shouting Please don't promise things you can't make true!
[Like we pay attention to that.]
{We are not the one she has to work with eventually.}
"As long as you stay by this boy's side, that is a certainty."
"Then let me join your party and assist you where I can!" the fencer suddenly announced with a new found determination in her clear, but tired, eyes. Kirito stared at the Merc in Red with what could only be described as his What the fuck?! face.
[First ship is set.]
{The only thing we need is water.}
[And a boat.]
When the new group of three entered the town of Tolbana, the black-haired boy still internally cursing like no other to his partner, the three noticed a large crowd standing in the center of the town.
"Seems a lot of people have gathered for the floor boss meeting." The black-haired boy mentioned, a hint of surprise in his voice.
"We need to move our asses if we still want a place to sit, companions." The Merc suggested.
When both players nodded to that statement, one a bit more affirmative than the other, the trio made their way to the theatre of the town. It was there, the Merc with a Mouth noticed the Rat in the shadows.
{Argo!}
[We're doing this?]
"Hell yeah!"
Before the fencer, that was now known as Asuna and Kirito could even ask what that random reaction was for, the Merc in Red vanished from his spot and landed next to the Rat, the whiskered player showing quite the surprised expression.
"What was that just now?" the hooded fencer asked bewildered.
"Teleportation. He had it since the start of the game. No idea how he gained it though." Kirito replied, for once not even shocked by the actions of his party member.
"Hello, darling. How is my favorite rodent?"
[Not to be confused with an animal.]
{Mr. Snuggles is still number one in that category.}
"Doing well, DP. So, any new information for me?"
"You are going to love this."
When the Merc with a Mouth was finally done retelling everything he experienced, as well as the whole situation with the fencer, who was now sitting next to his favorite beta tester, the Rat displayed one of her famous grins again.
"Thanks DP. Knew I could count on you. How much for it?"
"Darling, just give me a big hug. That's what the viewers want." Argo gave up on trying to understand the boy before her, simply placing two arms around the Merc in Red in a tight squish, Deadpool following her example.
"We can do this more often." The Rat said softly, something as simple as a good hug happening to be one of her greatest moments in Aincrad.
"Oh darling, you should hug pretty boy for once. Has the best hugs one can give and that ass… two for the price of one." The Merc stated bluntly with a wink, a healthy red color spreading across the Rat's face.
"Really? And how do you know?"
"Love, you have to experience it. That butt… you should look at it more often. It's gorgeous." The Rat smiled at that statement, although her face was still a bit redder than it was before.
"Not such a bad idea. Seems the meeting is about to start. You better hurry up before Kii-bou gives your spot away."
"Ah yes. Bye love!" the Merc waved as he jumped back to his spot, the fencer shooting up from the sudden pop-up next to her.
[Second ship is a go.]
{Captain, we are ready for lift-off!}
It was only a few minutes later the meeting for the first-floor boss began. A blue-haired boy stepped forward, his scimitar and shield at his side and a group of five players standing a few feet behind him. Deadpool materialized his book and searched for the chapter he was in now. While the boy before the thirty-six players did what seemed to come naturally to him, Deadpool ignored him and started to read.
Let's see…. Chapter 4. The meeting in Tolbana. A blue-haired beta boy named Diavel has set up a meeting in Tolbana. Everything is going well until a certain boy comes and decides to be rather cancerous towards the beta testers. It is that moment a black-skinned man comes forward and protects the beta testers from accusation.
The Merc in Red wanted to read further, if it weren't for a sudden annoying shout to take away his concentration.
"Wait a minute!"
[And there we have him.]
{We should at least make his entrance glorious!}
A brown, spiked-haired boy appeared from behind the theatre and jumped down the stairs in an ungracious matter. It was when the boy reached the fourth step from the eight, that a sudden red leg could be seen. The boy then fell forward, face first onto the fifth step, the sixth step and eventually landed in a collision on his butt.
"Who did that?!" the boy thundered. At the same time, the Merc in Red pulled his leg back as he whistled in blame. The boy still had no idea who it was, even when signs appeared around the Merc.
"Hm. Whatever. My name is Kibaou, and I have something to say!"
[How did he not notice us?]
{He's a fool!}
"I know there are beta testers around here. And I will not trust beta players until they confess what they are. They left us in the Town of Beginnings and have taken all the good quests to get a lead on the rest of us! They are responsible for all the deaths since the beginning of this game! I want them to stand in front of this crowd and abandon their earned loot for the traitors they are!"
"Another copy…. I shouldn't even mention this anymore."
[Then why do you?]
{To make sure that the readers know OP is lazy.}
Rumors and murmurs spread around the tribune until a black-skinned person stepped forward, his black bold head and enormous size making the spiked-haired boy quiver back in fear.
{It's hot chocolate axe! Or Thunder Lion?}
[No, it's Tiffany.]
"May I speak?" When no one was against the black bold player to speak, he began his plea.
"My name is Agil. [Nope, still the original] {At least he is black}, If I have this right, Kibaou, you're claiming that many newbies died because the former beta testers didn't help them, and therefore they ought to apologize and pay reparations? Is that correct?"
"Y-yeah," the boy stuttered in fear before the giant man in front of him. While Agil gave a remarkable argument to the accusing player in front of him, Deadpool almost fell asleep in his place.
"Can you blame me? These guys are boring. I like it better how you did it in your other story, OP. That smack felt absolutely right."
[So satisfying.]
{I like Saint's overwhelming rock attack as well.}
[Another fourth wall break on another fanfic?]
{We're breaking so many walls here!}
The meeting ended shortly after that, and the three players made their way to the plaza of the Tolbana. After changing Asuna's Iron Rapier to a Wind Fleuret and testing it out in the fields, the trio made their way back to their temporary home, the girl's tired eyes shining sparkly for the boy mentioning the word bath.
Author's Note:
That was it for chapter 2. Hope you guys enjoyed! Intercepts Deadpool's punch and punches back. Not this time.
Anyway, hope you guys all enjoyed the second chapter of this story. Had a blast writing it.
Five followers and three favorites in the first week, what more can a writer wish for? Thanks for the amazing review, I appreciated the nice words from the bottom of my heart. More reviews are greatly appreciated because they mean a lot to me. Like I mentioned in my other story (a bit of self-advertising isn't that bad), it changes you guys from simple numbers to people.
Thank you Fate-Of-Wishes for beta reading this chapter.
Hope to see you legends in the next one. Beyor out!