Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online or Deadpool. All are owned by the respective owners.
"You're still here? You have some balls coming this far…"
[Of course they've come this far. They want to read more of us.]
{We're just so amazing!}
While Deadpool kept himself company, getting some free milk from the first floor of the farm where the trio were staying, the fencer known as Asuna was enjoying a hot bath on her own. At the same time, an awkward boy of fourteen years of age wondered if he had to leave the farm, stay in the bed just next to the bathroom, or just jump straight through a window.
"If he already hates this part, he is going to be absolutely shocked about the next situation."
[We are following progressive?]
{With our own touch added to it!}
With four cans of milk in his inventory, the Merc in Red walked up the stairs again and stepped into the room, noticing his partner scrolling violently through the manual.
"I can't believe she made me pay for it! She contributed this thing for free, for crying out loud!"
"What can I say? You're easy to mess around with, pretty boy." While Kirito still had trouble dealing with his nickname, the Merc absolutely refused to call him by his avatar name.
{And he knows it!}
Deadpool lay himself down on the other bed. It was not much later a knock on the door made itself heard.
"Are you expecting someone?" the black-haired swordsman asked, confused.
"Nope, not me. Can't keep them waiting though." The Merc answered as he jumped forward with his broken skill and appeared in front of the door. When he opened it, he was met with the Rat standing before him.
[Who didn't see that one coming?]
"Ah, DP. Mind letting me in?"
"Argo?! What are you doing here?" Kirito cried out as he shot up from his bed, most certainly not expecting the Rat visiting him.
"Business, as usual, Kii-bou. Got a new offer for you."
"Want some milk with that?" the Merc in Red asked as he had materialized the can of milk.
"Sure." Both players answered. While Deadpool poured three glasses of milk in some cups he summoned with his other broken skill, for it could not only summon weapons but also other basic stuff, the whiskered girl began her story.
"Got a new offer for your weapon. 40k."
"40k…. Why so much Col for an Annual Blade +4? Can you summon it already, partner?"
"Annual Blade +4? Let's see," the Merc answered as he reached behind his back and pulled a spear out of thin air. The Rat started, still not used to the whole phenomenon before her.
"No that's not it, maybe in here…." The Merc mumbled as he reached father down and pulled a double axe from his back. "Nope. More to the side maybe?" Feeling something, he finally pulled up an Annual Blade +2 from his back. "Nope, only +2 so far."
[Otherwise, we would be too broken.]
{That skill hasn't levelled up in weeks!}
"You're still not accepting it, are you?" The Rat asked, taking note of the black-haired boy's expression.
"Correct. I do wonder who wants it so desperately though…"
[Should we tell him?]
{That is what we are here for!}
"Well," Deadpool began, drawing both Argo and Kirito's attention. "If you spend a lot of money for someone's weapon, more than it's worth in this case, you buy it to make sure the seller doesn't have it anymore. If you take that route of thoughts, the buyer has to know that Mr. Pretty Boy here was a beta tester and is going to stand in his way for… a certain objective."
Both players stared, confound, at the Merc in Red, not expecting such a logical explanation to come from the troll himself.
[We're not that bad.]
{Are we?}
"Sounds like you have an idea to who it could be. Care to share those ideas with us, partner?" the black-haired boy asked.
"You mentioned something about that last attack item the other day, right? Where you get that super rare item when you kill the boss?"
"Yeah. The ones Kii-bou got almost every-time in the beta." The Rat joking mentioned as she gazed teasingly at her beta friend.
"So, what you're looking for, is someone from that time that knows you're a threat to get that item," Deadpool explained. Argo shifted her attention to the black-haired boy.
"I get why you keep him hanging around with you."
"These moments are rare though," the swordsman answered with a sigh.
Argo continued, "So, you believe it's a beta tester?"
"Not just any beta tester. Mr. Blue Knight himself." Both players gasped in shock at the sudden revelation.
"Diavel? You're kidding me!"
"Of course not, partner. Didn't you see his smirk when that cactus kid got proven wrong? I tell you, he's the one that wants that sword of yours." Silence rang in the air until the Rat broke it with a simple request.
"Now that I'm here anyway, I'm going to use your bathroom for a second. Hope you don't mind."
Before the black-haired swordsman even realized that the fencer was still in the bathroom, the Rat already was near the door. In that moment Deadpool proved himself useful once again as he teleported right in front of her.
"Not so fast, love. We have a visitor butt-naked in there. You might scare her if you jump in like that."
"Oh. Got a girl in here, Kii-bou?" the Rat asked with her signature grin, ready to spread this rumor all over Aincrad. While the black-haired boy was glad one disaster was avoided, he cursed his red-pyjamaed partner for this one.
[He's never happy.]
"What's your price?" the boy answered, knowing the Rat all too well. Argo didn't even have to think before answering that question.
"Heard from a source that you are quite a hugger, Kii-bou. How about you give me a free pass to that privilege and I will not say a word."
A grin spread on the Merc's face, but none could see it under that ridiculous mask. Kirito, however, knew fully well who that source had to be as he noticed his partner whistling like an innocent child.
"I'm not sure if any of that is true, but I'll take the deal." The boy proceeded uncertainly to his whiskered friend. It was shortly after that, while the Merc shifted his attention intentionally to the script for dummies, the two shared a short and intiate hug with one another.
"What do you know... He wasn't even wrong…" the Rat whispered to herself as she closed her eyes momentarily and enjoyed that feeling a little bit longer.
[And they say we can't ship.]
{Who says that?}
It was a few moments later the Rat left again and the fencer came out of the bath, this time her hood from her head, to make way for her long chestnut brown….
"Shut up, it's my time now!"
While Deadpool enjoyed his bath time with his rubber ducky, which he summoned again with his -Magic Satchel 10/1000-, Kirito and Asuna sat on opposite beds, an awkward silence hanging in the air. Eventually, it was the fencer who spoke first.
"Thank you for the bath, Kirito."
"Yeah, no problem." The boy responded shortly. One moment later, a growl echoed in the room, coming from the fencer's stomach. "Oh right. You haven't eaten yet."
"It's okay. It's not like we have to eat in this world anyway." The girl softly mentioned, a saddened expression taking over.
"True, but I'm not letting you join the boss fight on an empty stomach. As partners, you need to cover each other in times of need and that doesn't work when you're hungry." The boy lightly lectured as he materialized a piece of bread and a bottle.
Asuna stared curiously at the actions that followed as Kirito pressed the bottle and touched the bread, where suddenly a jelly-like substance appeared out of nowhere.
"This should help a bit with the bad taste. Can't promise it'll taste a whole lot better, though."
Asuna took a small bite, waited a few seconds and went into a full assault, like a predator who hadn't eaten in days. When she was finally done, she let out a content sigh. Kirito just stared at the fencer at this point, not knowing what he had to say. Eventually, he apologized.
"Sorry about my partner's rudeness this afternoon. He has a habit of just speaking his mind, without any restraints, as you might have noticed."
"Guess that was a bit earned. Do you believe what he said is true?" the fencer asked, a twinge of hope in her voice.
"I can't say. I hate to admit it, but he got my part right though." The boy answered with a red face, the fencer showing a tiny smile on her lips. "Your attacks are quick and your movements are solid. The fact that man himself also stated it, says enough."
"Why him?" the fencer asked curiously. The boy let out another sigh before answering her question.
"When I started this game, I taught him and another player the basics. His Teleportation skill and other skill where he picks things out of thin air were pretty impressive, but he couldn't change them to get a weapon class to fight with swords skills. Later that day, after I met him again in a forest, he showed me that he had no need for them." The boy became lost in his thoughts, remembering and replaying the moves of the Merc in Red within his mind.
"It was like he had real experience with the weapons. Axes, hammers, swords, spears, it simply didn't matter. He used one after another in rapid succession."
"I see. So, despite his honesty and rudeness, he is strong." Kirito nodded to that statement. A few seconds later, the fencer spoke again. "Thank you."
"What for?" the boy asked, confused.
"For this meal. For this bath. For admitting what your partner said was true. For giving me a bit of hope…" the girl softly mentioned that last part, barely audible to the boy in front of her.
[Two ships, one chapter.]
{Things can only get better at this point.}
With 45 members joining the raid group, the party made their way towards the dungeon of the first floor. Five teams at the ready to attack the boss -Ilfang the Kobold Lord- head-on while three other teams had to keep the ads at bay.
Kirito and Asuna walked beside one another, while Deadpool began a conversation with one of the other teams, starting with the black friendly axe wielder.
"Interesting weapon you got there, pal. Must weigh a ton."
"It's a bit heavy, but nothing that I can't handle. Have we met before?"
"Only at the meeting yesterday. Not personally though. The name is Sir Deadpool, DP for short."
"Agil. These are Wolfgang, Lowbacca, Naijan, Shivata, and Okotan." The friendly giant introduced the Merc to his party members and vice versa.
"Nice to meet you guys. If you need anything during the battle, give me a call."
"Like what?" the other axe wielder named Wolfgang asked curiously. It was that moment Deadpool pulled a two-handed axe from behind his back.
"I don't know, maybe this? Not as good as your weapon I think, but it should be sufficient if you come short, don't you think?"
"How did you equip that thing…? I didn't even see the materialize animation…."
"Little secret. Maybe I'll tell you guys later. Just give me a call if you need something, alright?"
When the boys nodded again, the Merc shifted his attention to the next party. The six players all shared the same thought; what was that? After two hours, the group finally arrived at the doors in one piece and a short but clear message could be heard from the blue-haired raid leader.
"Let's win." With those small words, he opened the door, announcing the start of the first-floor battle.
45 players walked into a dark large room, only to make the boss that much more dramatic when the lights turned brightly and the giant, red kobold could be seen on the other side of the giant room.
"Time for action!"
{Let's do this!}
[OP, time for This is War!]
With the awesome background music of the band 30 Seconds to Mars inside his head, the Merc waited for the right moment to engage with the enemy. When the floor boss finally prepared himself to jump forward, he knew what he had to do.
"One for All, Full Cowling." The Merc whispered as he imagined lighting in his feet and teleported the moment the giant rat was mid-air.
"Shooting style!" the Merc shouted as he kicked the giant kobold in the back, the beast landing face-forward on the ground. When the boss shifted his full attention on the Merc, he jumped towards him in the air. Deadpool made a hand sign before vanishing just in time with his teleport skill, to appear right behind him.
"Ninjutsu, Manipulated Tools: Heavenly Chain Disaster!" the Merc cried out as he threw one weapon after another against the flying beast, to the witnessing eye, it truly seemed as of these moves were from a different anime. For one that paid more attention though, he was just faking every single attack he threw at the giant beast.
-Mimic, 10/1000-
-Description: Every reference attack that is performed will influence the mobs and the players around you.-
On the chorus of the song, Deadpool clashed another few times with the giant beast, barely doing any damage despite him basically overwhelming the giant beast with his skills, the boss destroying every weapon the Merc threw at him. At the same time, the others of the raiding party just stared at him with wide open eyes.
"How the hell is he doing that?" the spiked-hair boy shouted in his annoying voice.
It was when the Merc had had enough, he teleported back to his group and lost the aggro of the boss as well.
"Sorry about that. Just had to do it."
[So many ideas.]
{But just so little time!}
"A little warning next time, DP." Kirito stated annoyed as he focused on the just-spawned ad that ran his way. With perfect timing, the boy countered a sword skill with one of his own, immediately calling a switch on his partner to counter with a Linear to the throat. When the ad was defeat with another combined effort of the two, they shifted their attention to the main group.
"Think they're going to be okay?" Asuna asked.
"After that little stunt DP just pulled? They're still mad he got their glory moment." Kirito answered, noticing the Merc readying himself while trying to pick another good weapon out of thin air.
Ilfang's first health bar vanished accompanied with the sound of shattering glass and another group of Ruin Kobolds Sentinels making their way towards the waiting three teams. Kirito again charged straight ahead, his sword blocking three normal attacks before perfectly parrying a Vertical with a Horizontal, followed up by a Linear from Asuna and Double Backstab from the Merc with a Mouth, finishing the mob in a matter of seconds.
"This is going to be easier than I expected." Asuna was brimming with confidence.
"A bit too easy if you ask me…" her party leader answered.
{There is that incredible instinct again!}
[You wonder how he even knows that something bad is about to happen.]
{Power of the main character!}
It was on the last health bar, Ilfang threw his weapons away in glamorous fashion, as much as a giant rat can be glamorous, and grabbed the weapon on his back.
"Seems the book was right!"
"Everybody, stay back! We got this!" The blue-haired party leader shouted.
"Okay, you might wonder; are we going by the original script? Is that blue-haired idiot gonna die?" The Merc asked to the area behind him, while Kirito shouted something not intelligible and the Nodachi could be seen.
"OP and I had many discussions about this topic, for I saw the potential for another meme when he died, but OP wanted him alive for later." The Merc continued while Team C was now stunned by the jump of the giant beast.
[Oh, time for action.]
Ilfang the Kobold Lord jumped on several pillars, shocking the players around him with this unknown behavior, his eyes landing on the blue-haired boy. With a loud screech, he came roaring down, about to strike Diavel.
In a flash, the Merc with a Mouth teleported next to the raid leader and pulled him towards him on the perfect moment, the Kobold Lord missing his target, a mixture of shock and anxiety visible on its face. While Diavel also stared in shock at the weapon that was only a foot away from him, the Merc in Red prepared another foreign attack.
"Before I continue... Shoryuken!" Deadpool cried out as he punched the Kobold Lord flat against his face with everything he had. It didn't do much damage, but as strange as it was, was still enough to lift the beast a few feet in the air, before it landed on its back and entered a Tumble State. The Merc shifted his attention back to the raiding leader.
"Well, as a certain green character would have asked in a particular series… Why didn't you dodge?!"
[We still did the meme.]
{I am proud.}
While Diavel stared with wide eyes at the Merc in Red, Kirito and Asuna were doing their thing against the Kobold Lord. Another Parry, as incredible as he was, and another Linear, as elegant as she was, and so on.
"You got to admit these guys are crazy." The Merc mentioned in awe to the blue-haired leader, who still had no clue as to what had just happened. "I mean, just look at that teamwork. Makes me so proud."
[I think you broke him a bit.]
{At least he's alive.}
It was on Kirito's 16th Parry, a familiar scene all readers of Progressive Novel 1 or viewers of the second episode of season one knew what was about to happen.
"Shit!" the boy shouted as he missed his opportunity to block the monsters attack and saw the Nodachi coming at him. It was in that moment a sound of teleportation could be heard and his partner stood just below him, two swords blocking the sword skill for himself.
"Switch!" the Merc cried out, followed by another Linear.
"Thanks for the save, DP," Kirito thanked his party member.
"We got this, partner. Might need some help here though!" The Merc called out, the other parties, which Agil's party was a part of, joining in and overwhelming the giant beast with everything they had. When Kirito finally unleashed his Vertical Arc and landed [In superhero fashion!] on the ground, heavily panting from the fight, a terrifying silence hang in the air.
When the -Congratulations- message finally appeared above the raiding members, as the game had to wait a full ten seconds before it appeared, [Duo to dramatic reasons.] {Or just lag.} that silence was broken nevertheless by a roaring and celebrating crowd.
"Congratulations. That was the best swordsmanship I have seen so far. Today's victory is all thanks to you."
Another chapter, another copy…
[He never learns.]
However, the cheering was put to an immediate halt.
"We all know what's coming after this…." The Merc groaned.
[Should we change it as well?]
{Spoilers ahead. Seriously, read the other story first or at least know what is going on in Progressive 4.}
[You have been warned.]
"What the hell just happened?!" A young boy shouted with a high-pitched voice.
"The boss was different than the beta," the blue-haired leader answered, finally awake from his shock.
"Then how did he know the boss's attack pattern?! The manual must have c…" At that moment, the Merc in Red teleported behind the boy, pushed him to the ground with everything he had, held his arm behind his back to subdue him and shouted, "Where is Francis?!"
[Wrong script, OP.]
{Goddammit man, you had one job!}
"Who…?" the boy tried to ask, still in the subdued posture.
"Sorry, my bad, let's do that over.'' Clears throat … ''Where is POH?!"
"I have no idea what you're talking about!" the boy cried back, his arm in such a position one would say it was broken if they were in the real world.
"DP, what are you doing?" Kirito asked, bewildered.
"Long story short, this boy is trying to get the front line to break apart. He is someone working for a player who is called POH and who is a real red player." Every player's eyes shot wide open in the room, except the fencer, who had not learned what a red player was.
[At least she knows how to open the menu.]
"How do you know that name?!" the boy cried out, still trying to get out of his position held by the Merc in Red.
"Professional secrecy. Now, speak up, you little shit! I've got idiots to save!"
"Who are you calling idiots, punk?!" the spiked-hair leader thundered. Deadpool signed to Kirito to block the player's movements under him and suddenly teleported next to the spiked- haired leader.
"Ah yes, the spiky haired boy named Kibaou. You know, every reader wants you dead."
"What?" the boy asked, not understanding a single thing.
"No worries, I am here to save people, not kill them. That said, you might want to drop the attitude."
"What did you…!" the boy wanted to shout again before the Merc held a finger in front of his mouth.
"You see, and let me speak completely first, you are very aggressive towards beta players and other players alike. This might have cost you your life – or let's say, at least twenty-four people's – at one point. Now, you can keep that attitude up, and become Aincrad's most hated man for years to come, or you can drop the attitude and become one of the greatest. What do you say, big guy?"
Kibaou was at a loss for words, but the Merc was not finished yet.
"For the others, if you really hate the beta testers, you're talking to mostly dead people. The overconfident player gets killed the fastest and despite my best efforts, 400 of them have died. You guys are even better than them at this point. Only a few had mastered the basics in the beta, after all, one of them had messed this entire raid up while the other saved it." The Merc confessed when he shifted his attention to the blue-haired leader and Kirito.
"What…?" some of the players stared at the two players bewildered.
[You're still following it at this point, OP?]
{He had to read back four times. I think he's lost it!}
"Now, instead of being so toxic to one another, despite everyone here wanting the same thing, I suggest we celebrate! After kicking this bastard into jail of course."
"Wait…Wait?!" the boy shouted, being picked up and guided by three men who the Merc had convinced. Another cheer then emerged and the players made their way altogether to the second floor.
"Crisis avoided."
[Things can only become better at this point. How did we do that?]
{Plot is a powerful thing!}
While most players followed the Merc in his version of the Mask's Cuban Roomba [Good times.], Kirito slowly walked up to his partner.
"I don't know what just happened but thank you for saving me out there."
"No problem, pal. I'm not even sure what happened there myself, and I'm the one who did it." The Merc confessed with a chuckle.
"Figures. Well, we are one step closer to our escape at least." Kirito announced, not seeing the smile the fencer gave him.
[Did we miss something?]
{I have no idea!}
It was on the next floor, where a soft breeze welcomed the 45 players, Deadpool realized the horrifying theme for the second floor.
Farm animals.
Authors Note:
That was it for chapter 3. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Wait, what is that? Chainsaw sound in the back. Holy shit Deadpool, you maniac!
"That was for that punch, asshole! As OP was saying, hope you enjoyed this crazy chapter with broken English, memes, and references. This was only the start of many adventures yet to come. And what you guys don't realize is that you can speak to me! No seriously, just ask anything. Who knows what I can put in this amazing story. Ships, crazy actions, other lovely things. Just name it.''
[We are ready for everything.]
{Hope you are as well!}.
"Since OP is not coming back for a while, see you legends later in the next one. Oh yeah, I have to thank Fate-Of-Wishes for beta reading this chapter. Girl, you absolutely rock!
For those lurkers out there, hope you enjoyed the story as well. I love you all! Deadpool out!"