Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online or Deadpool. Both are owned by their respective owners.
''Good day, ladies and gentlemen and welcome back to another chapter of everyone's favorite program: Aincrad Geographic. I am your host Deadpool and today we'll be taking a closer look at the inhabitants of this fascinating world.'' Teleports away.
''We will begin today by examining one of the most common creatures in this land; the Trembling Cow. Appearing out of thin air, even after annihilating it, this creature does not appear a threat to many. However, for the more experienced adventurer, they know all too well the true danger that comes from these monst- OH NO! IT'S SEEN US!'' Teleports five times to safety.
/Five minutes later./
''Ah yes, I apologize for the interruption. I escaped by a hair's breadth from that dangerous creature. Without delay, let us continue to our next subject. The Trembling Ox is part of the family of the Trembling Cow, yet despite its threating look, does not pose a danger to the experienced adventure.''
In that very moment, a player was launched away by the giant ox, sending him ten feet backwards, before he scrambled up and away in fear.
''Only on rare occasions it can be threating, but there is no need for worry if one is prepared.'' Teleports away.
Making his way through the lands of the second floor, the Merc in Red searched for his party members. It took a tedious forty-five minutes, but he eventually found the two players training their asses off in the afternoon sun. He held his fingers up, mimicking a camera, and continued his program.
''What a coincidence! We have found our three last subjects of the day.'' Deadpool teleported closer to the pair. ''Our next subject is family of the Coleoptera or, as they are pronounced in the English studies, beetles. These giant relatives of the beetle have evolved into substantial creatures, standing tall against the adventurers that go past this point. With red spots all over their body, they are also called Red Spotted Beetles.''
Kirito and Asuna didn't bother with the Merc in Red, as they were much too focused on trying to kill as many Red Spotted Beetles as possible for their competition.
''That brings us to our second-last subject. Once hidden by the dangers of this world, this creature has evolved into a force to be reckoned with. With rapier in hand, her skills, chestnut-brown hair and uneven beauty is a femme fatale for every member of the opposite sex that wonders these floors.''
Asuna's face became completely red and almost lost her temper. She would've turned around and shouted at the Merc if it wasn't for the fact that she truly wanted to win.
''At last, our last subject. Once belonging to the endangered beta testers, this creature is one of the strongest of his kind. Now that his kind is treasured instead of hunted, this boy can use his knowledge to his full potential. His instinct and skills go hand in hand, yet this creature has yet to discover his true potential. Then, and only then, it can grow to its final form and the true player/lady killer will come forth.''
Kirito and Asuna's face turned bright red, both momentarily stopped in their tracks.
''And this is the end of today's episode. Until next time, this has been Aincrad Geographic.''
With those words, the Merc in Red shifted his attention back to the two players, both staring violently at Deadpool.
''What?''
/Five hours later./
''Yeesh, there was no need for such harsh words. If they wanted alone time, they could've just asked.''
[You got on their bad side though…]
{Still, that was harsh!}
Walking through the city of Urbus, Deadpool checked his menu. He grinned at what popped up before him. Four skills at his disposal and an almost entirely empty inventory. He also observed that his stats were some of the best in the game and as well as a friend list most would be jealous of. Seconds later, someone shouted his name.
''Sir Deadpool-san! Wait!''
Turning around, the Merc in Red noticed a blonde boy running towards him, chakram in his hands and a bright smile on his face. Standing behind him were the five players belonging to the Legend Braves.
''Nezha, Orlando, good to see you guys. How is training going?''
''Perfectly! I've gained three levels today!''
''Thanks again for the equipment, Sir Deadpool-sama.'' Orlando thanked with a happy face, his body and head covered by all +4 equipment.
''Not a problem, big guy. Just no messing around with other players stuff anymore.''
''Promise!'' the six players replied before making their way further into the city. Waiting until they left his vision, Deadpool then made his way to one of the taverns. The sounds of celebration echoed and pulsed from it, growing louder and better when the Merc in Red showed up.
''Sir Deadpool! Glad you could make it.'' A blue-haired player known as Lind greeted with a welcoming smile, both players sharing a healthy handshake.
''Didn't want to miss a thing. How is the clearing going?''
''We're going steady. Currently, we've found the field boss. Tell Kirito we will attack tomorrow morning at eleven o'clock.''
''I will. Now, where is my favorite brown spiked dumbass?!'' Out of the large crowd appeared Kibaou, a drink in his hand shouting his own welcome which filled the room.
''Sir Deadpool! There you are, you glorified bastard!'' With arms raised high, the two players made their way towards one another and ended their welcome with an arm-wrestle handshake.
''There you are, you ugly weasel! How's that training coming along?''
''They're a bunch of idiots, but we're making progress!''
Three days had passed since the first-floor boss fight. Starting on the first day, Deadpool advised the spiked haired boy he would be popular if he went back to the Town of Beginnings and trained newbie players to become strong. As a result, many players could be seen on the second floor, fighting together to gain experience.
At the same time, Diavel continued to lead the front line, together with one of his most trusty followers. The blue haired Lind was most certainly one of them. Combining the work of the new players with the teamwork of the Diavel & Lind, things were progressing nicely in Aincrad.
On the second day of the new floor, Nezha appeared out of nowhere, being one of the first blacksmiths on the front line.
[Luckily, we had read OP's other story and knew what to do.]
Armed with the new weapon in his hand and Martial Art skill equipped, the player with the FNC could finally play alongside his friends. Kirito and Deadpool had even joined him on his quest, so the three of them now shared the Martial Arts skill.
Another loud cheer could be heard, one of the many celebrations that would continue to late into the evening. It was when the Merc in Red was walking back to his inn that he realised how much this world had changed, thanks to him.
No beaters, no hate against beta testers, no hate on the Legend Braves and no separation between groups, which happened in his guide for dummies. Deadpool stared at this quest log one last time to see the following updates:
- Clear the hundred floors of Aincrad: 2/1000 –
- Save as many players as you can: 931 –
- Find a recipe for Chimichangas –
''We did good, didn't we?''
[Naturally.]
{We are doing exceptionally!}.
Back at the inn where the three players were staying, Deadpool came across Kirito and Asuna sitting beside one other, discussing the field boss they were going to tackle tomorrow. It was for that reason the third person, her drawn whiskers highlighted by the light in the small room, was also sitting next to them.
''It hasn't changed… then this shouldn't be too hard?''
''You worry too much, Kii-bou! You got DP and Aa-chan backing you up, so stop worrying!''
''Indeed. Good evening ladies, pretty boy.'' Asuna refused to acknowledge the Merc, Argo shot her familiar grin and Kirito gave one of his annoyed faces - again. ''Yeesh, that date wasn't worth much.''
''You guys went on a date?!'' Argo asked, raising her voice and causing both Asuna's and Kirito's faces to turn beet red.
''We did not, you idiots! Kirito just lost a bet!''
''Yeah, keep telling yourself that love. I'm off to bed. Don't try to make too much noise tonight.''
While Deadpool walked up the stairs with an innocent whistle, Kirito cursed him internally now having to deal with a teasing Argo and an upset Asuna.
''Better get used to it. There is a lot more coming your way, pale.''
With those words, the Merc in Red closed his eyes and entered the world of sleep.
The - Bullbous Bow -, the field boss of the second floor, proved to be no problem to the raiding party led by the blue-haired knight Diavel. Naturally, it had helped that a certain player in red had used a red coat and one of his weapons as a muleta and was drawing out the aggro of the boss by himself.
Two days later, fifty-one players had found their way in front of the floor boss, all ready for what the boss had to bring. Of these fifty-one were Diavel, Lind, Kibaou, Agil, Argo, Kirito, Asuna and last, but not least, Deadpool.
''Today, one week ago, we showed the terrified players on the first floor this game can be beaten. We had a rough start at first, but after the great teamwork this week and our combined efforts, we will triumph! My comrades, let us fight together and claim victory in this battle!''
Diavel's speech was answered by a loud roar, almost every player ready for this decisive battle. The only one who didn't participate in that collaborate answer was the Merc in Red, standing with his arms crossed, away from his party members.
''Look, I said I was sorry, DP. What more do you want from me?'' Kirito asked in guilt.
''Aa-chan, Kii-bou, that's not how you treat a party member.''
''Nah, it's alright, love. I am just going to hang out with baldy over there. If these two can't appreciate me, I'll find someone who can.''
With a poof, the Merc in Red teleported next to Agil, shocking the merchant as he was still not used to the whole phenomenon yet.
''Hey big guy. Ready to kick some cow's butt?''
''Naturally, Sir Deadpool. Let's beat Nato together.'' Two fists met each other, an exchange of trust and partnership.
The field boss of the second floor was Baron the General Taurus. Deadpool and his two party members were assigned to beat the sub-boss, Nato the Colonel Taurus, working together with the Legend Braves and Agil's party.
[Of course, there is an extra surprise waiting for us.]
{Another butt to kick!}
The door to the boss room opened up not a second later and the second-floor boss battle began.
/20 minutes later./
''Asuna, switch!'' Kirito shouted, just parrying the giant hammer of Nato. The fencer jumped forward, striking the minotaur with an Oblique before jumping back again. The Merc in Red at this point simply threw some spears at the back of the giant minotaur, not even putting in an effort to fight seriously.
''Not in the mood. It's just cows, cows, and more cows. Oh, and some insects. It's just no fun anymore.'' Deadpool muttered to thin air, stopping only to throw more weapons. With a sigh, he shifted his attention to his menu and checked his skills:
- Magic Satchel, 20/1000.-
- Teleportation, 100/1000.-
- Mimic, 20/1000.-
- Martial Arts, 53/1000.-
The last skill he received was the only normal skill he had, for the others did not grow past a certain point. Magic Satchel grew to 20/1000 in a matter of hours on the second floor but stopped after that point. The same happened to Mimic. Teleportation hadn't even grown at all after the first hour, meaning Deadpool could only teleport 100 times a day.
''Guess it's just to nerve me.''
[This is going to take a long time to level up.]
''Sir Deadpool-san, a little help here!'' A voice yelled from across the room, the Merc in Red instantly teleporting a boy to safety.
''Thanks for the help, Sir Deadpool!''
''Yeah, no problem.'' The Merc in Red replied as he stared at the battlefield. All of the members that were paralyzed were safely on the side, while the two groups did their best to hammer the two bosses down.
''Now, when is the big guy showing up? I really want to kick some giant ass!''
[Patience.]
{Fuck that!}
It was at that moment Deadpool saw Agil and Kirito speaking to one another, and the floor began to tremble immensely, shaking the staggering players that were standing on it. A hole appeared in the middle of the room, as a giant figure made its way in.
Standing at 50 feet tall, a giant minotaur with grey hair and a double hammer stood in the middle of the room, his shadow alone covering half of the chamber.
– Asterius the Tauros King – appeared above it, together with five full health bars.
''Finally! Let's get this party started!'' the Merc shouted, drawing the attention of every other member around him. Before anyone could ask what that was about, the Merc in Red teleported to in front of Asterius' nose, drew two swords, and pierced the newly spawned boss straight in the right eye.
''What….?'' Some of the players wondered what the fuck was going on, for not only a new boss spawned in the boss room, but the Merc in Red had already attacked it head-on. While Asterius let out a painful roar, Deadpool summoned one sword after another.
''Another one, another one, another one, another one…. DJ Deadpool!'' the Merc shouted, the bosses strangely raising their arms, before wondering why.
''Black haired dumbass!'' the boy shouted, drawing the attention of at least five other players in the room. Only one of them knew for certain Deadpool had been referring to him. ''I'm keeping this bastard at bay! Defeat those motherfuckers for me!''
With a worried, yet determined, expression, Kirito answered Deadpool with a nod, before attacking Nato with everything he had. Kirito didn't even give a shit if he took damage, as he was too concerned for that one player who was holding back an entire boss on his own.
''Oh, he does care. Not going to forgive him that easily though.''
Asterius was about to strike the Merc in Red, only for the Merc to dodge the blow, making Asterius hitting himself in the face.
''Why are you hitting yourself?''
[Another meme.]
{We are on a roll!}
Another sidestep allowed him to dodge a giant fist, another backward jump had him dodge the hammer, and another forward run let him dodge a headbutt. Everything went well until the sound of shattered glass echoed through the room.
''What was that?''
[Did someone die?]
{I hope not. Oh, Nato has vanished!}
The Merc shifted his attention to where Kirito, Nezha's and Agil's parties were standing. It was that moment, the tail of Asterius slammed the Merc upwards, followed by a downward punch, sending Deadpool to the ground.
''Son of a bitch! You are pulling an Asuna on me!'' the Merc shouted to the boss. It was at that moment, the Merc also realized h's health bar had reached a deep yellow, he was in the -Stun- state, and his teleportation skill wasn't activating. To make things worse, the giant minotaur's mouth was wide open, while a white light gathered inside his mouth.
''Guess this is the end….'' Deadpool murmured sadly, a thunderous light beaming straight towards him. With a saddened smile on his face, Deadpool closed his eyes.
''Clash.''
He felt a something hit his side hard, while an electric feeling rushed through his foot. Deadpool opened his eyes and found himself on the floor, alive and well. Partially on top of him, he noticed the presence of one of his party members, her chestnut brown hair just as noticeable as the soft feeling in his chest.
''You okay?'' Asuna asked worriedly. It was at that moment Deadpool noticed the paralyze status on both of them and realized what happened.
''Yeah. Thanks for the save…''
''I am not letting you die here, partner.'' Asuna replied.
''I'm not sure if we can survive that though…'' the Merc tailed off, noticing another lighting attack about to be fired at the two players. In the moment of its firing, another figure appeared before the two. Blinded by the light, Deadpool only saw the silhouette of a black player.
''Jesus-kun?''
With an inhuman reaction time, the boy blocked the beam with a horizontal skill. When the light had disappeared, Kirito looked over his shoulder.
''Not letting you die here, partner. Let's beat this bastard together!''
''Guys… you're making me cry.''
While the Legend Braves finally caught up to Asterius and drew his attention, together with Agil's squad, Asuna and Deadpool healed back to full health. At the same time, Baran shattered into oblivion.
''Seems we are set. Thanks to you, DP.'' The rat thanked the Merc next to her.
''How about a lift up there, partner?'' Kirito asked, pointing at the crown on top of Asterius's head.
''Got it, pretty boy!'' With another teleportation, the Merc teleported on to the top of Asterius' head. And that is where the counter assault began.
''Burn in hell, you giant abomination!'' the Merc howled, releasing all of his anger on the giant Minotaur.
[Another reference?]
{Almost.}
At the end of the fight, Asterius the Tauros king had approximately 32 swords, 29 spears, 24 axes and a few daggers inside him. That last things he saw before him were Asuna and Kirito, both charging their strongest sword skills straight through his head.
''So, we're good?'' the black-haired boy asked, the four party members walking up the stairs.
''After teamwork like that, of course we are!''
With a sigh, the boy shifted his attention forward again. Despite not showing it on her emotionless face, Asuna too was glad Deadpool had forgiven them for their outbursts in the last couple of days – even if the Merc should had seen them coming.
Argo was simply grinning through it all, just glad she could be part of the first group that would set foot on the third floor. Finally arriving at the end of the stairs, both beta players noticed that the floor theme hadn't changed since the beta.
''So, a forest theme this time?'' Deadpool asked.
Kirito nodded a confirmation. ''Yep. Let's get that teleporter active and head straight for the Elf War Campaign quest.''
''Elf War Campaign?'' asked a puzzled Asuna.
''I'll explain once we get closer. Let's open this floor first,'' Argo suggested.
Walking to the city of Zumfut, Deadpool decided to summon new weapons out of thin air again before noticing that his Magic Satchel skill leveled up once again. When the teleporter was finally activated, the players made their way back to the Forest of Wavering Mists and searched for the beginning of the Elf War Campaign.
''And… I reached my limit. Again. Anyone want a new weapon?''
''Got any new claws in there, by any chance?'' Argo asked from beside him.
''Claws…. Let's see. If I remember correctly, it should be in here somewhere… got it!'' One set of claws with the name Scratches was pulled from Deadpool's back. The information broker quickly checked the weapon's stats, only to see they were indeed better than her current weaponry.
''Thanks, DP. I owe you.''
''No sweat, love. Now, tell us about that dark Elf Campaign!'' Asuna, interested, began to listen in to the Rat's explanation.
''Ah, right. The Elf Campaign is a couple of quests set from the third to the ninth floor. Unlike other quests, they cannot be redone and are more difficult than any other normal quests you can take. You have to choose between either the dark elves or the forest elves in these missions and follow their story on from that point.''
''Wait, dark elves?''
Argo nodded, startled when Deadpool began summarising his story for dummies in his notebook. Kirito ignored his partner, although he truly wished he was able to read what was inside that book.
[Is this…]
{Oh yeah! You better be prepared, pretty boy!}
''Something the matter?'' Argo asked.
''Nah, love. I was just thinking; dark elves are supposed to come from Norse mythology, right?''
''Right, first mentioned in the Prose Edda.'' Asuna replied, earning an inquisitive look from the other three players. ''What? I read that somewhere…''
''Anyway, what does that have to do with Aincrad? There is nothing here that gives even the slightest impression of Norse mythology?''
''While it is true the dark elves' origin comes from the Norse mythology, many video game creators like to add them to a game without their true origin playing any point in it.'' Kirito answered.
''Hm, interesting.''
/Five minutes later/
''Guys, do any of you have good ears?''
''Why, pretty boy? You into that?'' Deadpool asked.
''Why do you have to go there….?''
[Another reference.]
{To the manga this time!}
''The start of the Elf Campaign is a fight between a forest and dark elf. If we listen carefully, we can hear their weapons clash.''
''I think I hear something,'' Asuna mentioned after a while, pointing deeper into the forest. Following that direction, the sound of metal striking metal became louder and louder. Eventually, the four players played witness to a male forest elf and female dark elf, fighting in an endless loop.
''So, who are we siding with?'' Asuna asked.
''If you don't mind, can we take the dark elf side? I grew kinda familiar with their storyline in the beta, so I feel more comfortable doing that one.''
''And the fact there is a gorgeous female dark elf there doesn't play a role in that?'' Deadpool mentioned with a grin.
''She dies, for there is a pre-scripted death at the end of this fight. If Kii-bou would join them for that reason, he would be a bigger idiot than I thought.'' The Rat teased, sporting a matching grin.
''Why am I the one that is getting all of it today…?''
[Main protagonist's problems.]
{You said it!}
''So, we side with the dark elves. Then let's begin.'' The boy suggested after the shared nod, running to the elves with incredible agility. The elves both responded with words of their own, but ain't nobody got time for that.
{You are nailing it this chapter!}
With a Vertical, Kirito engaged the forest elf head on. Blocking every sword attack of the forest elf perfectly, including the swords skills shared with one of their own, Asuna and Argo could react almost perfectly on the cooldown. The Merc decided to throw in some attacks as well, teleporting right behind the forest elf, to grab him around the waist and Tiger Supplexed him with all of his strength into the ground.
''Impossible….''
After a short fifteen-minute fight, those were the last words of the forest elf who then vanished into oblivion. Asuna and Deadpool were panting heavily, while Kirito and Argo just stood dumbfoundingly, looking at the female dark elf that had picked something from the ground. She walked their way and spoke with a velvety voice.
''Thank you for your assistance in this battle, humans. Let me introduce myself. My name is Kizmel, member of the Pagoda Knights, from the kingdom of Lyusula.'' With her sword in front of her chest, Kizmel stood in the stance of the famous salutation of warriors of the medieval age.
''Nice to meet you Kizmel. My name is Sir Deadpool and these are Kirito, Asuna, and Argo. I like your salutation, yet in human culture, we don't do that. Instead, we give each other kisses when we meet, starting with between the female gender.'' Deadpool introduced with a wink.
Asuna, Argo, and Kirito didn't take those words seriously, for they didn't expect Kizmel would react in his favor to such a stupid thing. But, did the dark elf proof them wrong.
''I see. Let me introduce myself correctly than.'' With a bewildered expression, Argo stared at the dark elf who stood before her, when she leaned forward and kissed the rat on the mouth. Asuna was complete in shock, that being the reason she could not correct the Merc in time before Kizmel kissed her on her lips. In the meantime, Deadpool was rolling on the ground in a fit of laughter.
''Wait, Kizmel, you have received the wrong information from my companion here!'' Kirito sputtered just in time to stop Kizmel before she could kiss him too. ''We just give each other a handshake when we see meet someone new, and sometimes, we don't even do that!''
The dark elf stared at the Merc in Red, who finally got up, with an unreadable expression.
''I see. What was the reason for that lie, human?'' the dark elf asked, a slight irritation evident in her voice.
''It was a joke. Nothing to offend you, Kizmel.''
''I see. A strange humor you have, Sir Deadpool.''
Sighing, Kirito turned his attention to Kizmel, while in the background Asuna was about to punch Deadpool into oblivion for his little stunt. Argo was still taken aback, staring at the whole situation before her with wide eyes.
''At least, let me thank you for assisting me in this fight, human warriors. I hereby invite you all to the dark elf base. Would you accompany me?''
''Yes, we are happy too,'' Kirito answered. With those words, a fifth health bar appeared in Deadpool's HUD and the five-member party made their way to the dark elf base of the third floor.
Author notes:
That was it for chapter 4. Hope you guys enjoyed it! Chainsaw sound in the back, OP shoots Deadpool in the face.
As I was saying, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I had quite some inspiration for this one, and went through it rather quickly. This story is basically just me releasing my steam, so if things are not logically, so be it.
Thank you for beta reading this chapter once again Fate-of-Wishes. Amazingly done as always.
Let me know what you think about the story and what you like or dislike. If you anything you want to see, please just PM me. I value all feedback and messages.
That was it for this chapter and see you legends in the next one.
Beyor out-