Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online or Deadpool.
''And don't forget about Disney!''
Yep... right. All three are owned by their respective owners.
''Before we start, I have to say: Rest in peace, Stan Lee. I may be a little late to the party but that was because of OP. Excelsior!''
Enjoy!
It was night time in Aincrad, a dangerous time to be venturing into the wild lands of this cursed world. Mobs become more aggressive, while more stronger beasts spawn out of nowhere. Most players, for that reason, chose to remain in the safe zones, protected by the invisible borders the cities provided.
Kirito was not one of them. His training method was a dangerous one, fighting alone against the newly spawned mobs, just to become strong enough to overcome the inevitable death of this world.
-Annual blade +7- in his hand, the Roaring Wolves proved to be a difficult enemy for the boy to face. Quickly learning the beasts summoned more wolves once they were past the 50% mark, the boy attempted to kill all mobs in one go. When he approached the sole survivor, the black-haired swordsman repeated his technique to gain more enemies, to the extent his health allowed it to.
Finally, Kirito vanquished the last of the wolves and momentarily stood still before turning to a certain tree on his left. ''How long are you going to stay there?''
''As long as needed to make sure you come back in one piece, pretty boy,'' Deadpool answered, sitting from a branch, careful eyes on his partner. ''Argo was worried you were being reckless again, so she asked if I could keep an eye on you.''
''Thanks, I guess. I was done anyway, so let's head back.'' Jumping out of the tree, the two players made their way back to the dark elf base.
''You know, next time you should ask Asuna or Kizmel to join you. They wouldn't mind leveling up or helping you out,'' Deadpool suggested as they walked.
''Maybe… but I can't let them risk their lives just for my selfish request.''
''Oh, so you do care about them. You know that I'll use this against you, right?''
''Yeah, but you would've guessed it anyway. I can't lie with you around, remember?''
The players entered the dark elf base shortly after, quickly heading to their designed tent. Inside, a red masked figure could be seen to the side, for Deadpool found the whole design of the temporary living space lacking spirit. Thus, he decided to give it a little makeover.
''Where have you been?!'' The boys jumped at the voice of an angry Asuna, standing in the middle of the room with the other girls.
''Just training against some Roaring wolves,'' Kirito reassured her. ''DP was watching my back.''
''And it looked fine!'' Deadpool added with a grin.
Not sure how to respond, the trio of girls stared at the duo of players with confound judgment. However, knowing the stubbornness of both players, they didn't even bother pressing into the matter anymore.
None of them dared admit it, but they were concerned about their black-haired companion. Argo always thought he ran recklessly in front of the others, being the main tank of their group, despite not having the strength stats nor skills normally associated with the role. Asuna was glad she never had that position, for her offensive feats were better than her defensive capabilities.
Even if she only knew her human companions for two days, Kizmel grew fond of them incredibly quickly. They weren't warriors like the dark elves, but their determination was so extraordinary, she realized her people could learn a lot from them. The information broker, who had an answer to every question sent her way. The fencer, who bore a resemblance to her deceased sister. The black-haired boy, whom she shared her story with during the first night, at the graveyard of the base - where Tilnel's grave was located. There, she vowed to protect them, Kirito immediately promising the same. Then, there was Deadpool.
Starting off on the wrong foot due to a misplaced joke, her first impression of Deadpool was, to say the least, not that high. Luckily, that quickly changed when she noticed his incredible strength and commitment to his friends, even if he pulled some jokes on them from time to time.
''Now that you have returned, let us rest for the night. Tomorrow will be an important day.'' Kizmel announced, the others agreeing before getting into their sleeping bags.
''DP, get out of my sleeping bag!'' Kirito snorted at his partner, the Merc with a Mouth, who was already settled in Kirito's bag.
''You sure? I'm quite warm and cozy.''
''Yes! Get back in your own bag!''
''Fine, fine. But if it's too cold tonight, I will join you nevertheless,'' Deadpool teased with a grin. Sighing, Kirito closed his eyes and entered the dreamland in a matter of seconds.
''That was quick. Is he really asleep already?'' Argo asked quietly, staring at the boy's face.
''Yep. You should've seen his fight against the Roaring Wolves. The way he was fighting, it's no wonder he fell asleep this quick.'' Deadpool responded, eyes also on Kirito. ''Hey, his face is actually pretty cute when he sleeps!''
A little intrigued, Asuna also turned to watch the boy from her sleeping bag and found the childish expression truly adorable. How could one be so mature, leading their party, while still have a face as cute as that?
''He is indeed a remarkable human,'' Kizmel noted, also staring at the blissfully sleeping boy. ''He leads and fights with confidence, trying to grow strong despite the risk of death lurking at every corner. I wonder where he learned how to do so.''
''Practice, Kii-chan. Let's just say Kii-bou has experience in these kinds of things.'' Argo mumbled, eyes still trained on the sleeping face of her beta friend. ''That said, it might be a good idea for us to sleep as well. As you said Kii-chan, tomorrow is going to be hectic.''
With some final good night wishes, the players dimmed the lights and in the embrace of their sleeping bags, tried to join Kirito in the world of dreams. Before Deadpool went to sleep though, he checked his manual of Dummies one last time.
Wondering through the city of the Town of Beginnings, the Merc with Mouth drew quite some attention to himself. Who could blame him, when one kept materializing equipment, one piece after another, into thin air before throwing them away just as quickly?
Staring at the equipment before them, curiosity took over in a matter of seconds as a hundred players ran to the weapons, picking them up and claiming them as their own. Their faces morphed into ones of surprise, maybe even pure ecstasy, when they realized it was all top notch material. Some players stared in awe at the Merc, and one voice above the others echoed throughout the whole ordeal.
''Who are you?'' the boy asked, staring at the generous player with wide eyes. Deadpool turned around, the music player in his mind appearing and a record beginning to play.
The music starts (You're Welcome) and the Merc grins. ''I see what's happening here. You're face to face with greatness, and it's strange. You don't even know how you feel. It's adorable! Well, it's nice to see that players never change.
Open your eyes, let's begin. Yes, it's really me, it's Deadpool: breath it in! I know it's a lot: the mask, the man! When you are staring at a perfect Stan. [Rest in Peace, old friend.]
What can I say except you're welcome! For the weapons, equipment, and more. Hey, it's okay, it's okay. You're welcome. I'm just an ordinary player on the first floor.
Hey! What has two thumbs that pulled up this sword, when you were waddling all ignored. This guy!
When the nights got cold, who gave you blankets from nowhere. You're lookin' at him, yo!
Oh, I also killed the boss. You're welcome! To free you and bring you fun. Also, I saved you all. You're welcome, to make you believe we will not fall.
So what can I say except you're welcome, for the equipment I pulled out of nowhere. There's no need to pray, it's okay. You're welcome! Ha, I guess it's just my way of being me! You're welcome! You're welcome!
Well, come to think of it, kid. Honestly, I can go on and on. I can explain every phenomenon. The peef, the paf, the poof. That was Deadpool just messing around.
I killed a wolf, buried its nuts, slashed a tree, unfortunately, no coconuts. What's the lesson, what is the takeaway? Don't mess with Deadpool when he's on the giveaway.''
Deadpool continued his musical, players staring at the singing Merc with awe and smiles. After the ending, he received large applause and made a deep bow.
''Thank you, thank you! Now if you excuse me, I gotta go!''
Using his teleporter skill, the Merc made the perfect exit. A hundred players searched far and wide, but none were experienced nor quick enough to see the Merc escaping through the small alleys of the large city.
''Man, these songs are difficult. How does Disney do this for every movie?''
[A lot of workers.]
{And a lot of money!}
Finally arriving at the outskirts of the first city, Deadpool followed the coordinates the private message provided him. An hour later, finding himself in of the many forests, he finally stumbled upon the six players he was looking for. Before he could announce himself, the red-haired pirate noticed his presence.
''DP! Glad you could make it!''
''Klein, my pal! How is my favorite red-haired player doing?''
''You know, training to join you guys later,'' Klein beamed at the Merc with Mouth, his friends at his side. They met Deadpool in the first three weeks a few times but still could not comprehend the extent of the skills he possessed.
''Sir Deadpool.'' The first player said with a nod, one of the few with afro hair.
''Dale. Still nailing the afro, I see. Oh hey Kuni! Looking good with that Broad Sword!'' Deadpool shouted enthusiastically to the player who was standing just a couple of feet away. ''Anyway, I came to give you guys some upgrades on your equipment. What can I give you guys?''
''You know that is not needed, DP. We can't depend on you all the time.'' Klein assured, silently thanking the Merc from the bottom of his heart.
''Nonsense, pal. It's no effort at all. Now, what can I give you?''
Ten minutes later, the players were all given equipment which sported a contrast from the rest of their belongings. A new shield for Harry, a curved sword for Klein and extra armor for all of them.
''I can't thank you enough, DP. If there is anything we can do for you, just name it.''
''Just become stronger, safely. We miss you out there.'' The Merc confessed, the red-haired pirate bearing a soft smile.
''I know. Kirito has messaged me back quite a few times, writing about his adventures. Tell him we will be joining the front lines no matter what.''
''Good. Now if you excuse me, that black-haired idiot probably needs my help again. See you later!''
Saying their farewells, the Merc in Red headed back to the Town of Beginnings, taking the teleporter to go back to the third floor. Even if he didn't know the way around the Forest of Wavering Mists, his manual for Dummies knew.
''There is a new guild on the frontline?!'' Kirito was in shock, he couldn't believe that there was already a group that had vowed to stay together for their time in Aincrad.
''Not everyone is a solo player like you, Kii-bou. Apparently, the group consists of all the players of the front line, apart from the four-man squad of Agil and a few other solo players.'' Argo replied.
''What is it called?'' Asuna asked.
''The Aincrad Dragon Alliance or ADA in short,'' Argo explained. ''Diavel is taking the role as the guild leader on his shoulders, Lind and Kibaou both vice-leaders of their group. Wonder how long it will last, though,'' the rat mumbled worriedly.
''Don't worry about it, love. They will be doing fine. With Kibaou leading the training for the new recruits and Lind leading the mapping of the unexplored lands, things couldn't go any better.'' Deadpool replied.
''Have you heard from those who received training from him?'' Argo retorted.
''What can I say. Nobody's perfect. At least he's helping people grow stronger.''
''Why do I feel that is pointed to me?'' Kirito added uncomfortably.
''Well, why would that be?'' Deadpool asked rhetorically. The two stared at one another, before focusing back on the food at the stall of the dark elf base. The five party members ate together, discussing their plans for the next day before going to sleep. What the three girls didn't know was that the black-haired boy had a different plan.
At 3 o'clock in the morning, Kirito carefully maneuvered between the sleeping bags and left the tent. There, he made his way towards the other side of the map, to finish the sixth quest of the dark elf campaign: -Infiltration-.
Feeling the coast was clear, Deadpool also stood up from his sleeping bag and followed his partner into the night. And knowing his partner, he made sure to hold his distance. After all, that -Searching- skill was anything but easy to trick.
''Why does he always have to do these reckless things?''
[Well, even Jesus-kun has his flaws.]
{That is what we are here for!}
Noting the time on his HUD, the Merc deduced the black-haired swordsman had to be at the Forest Elf camp by now. More importantly, an important meeting was about to take place, a meeting the Merc simply couldn't miss.
Following the stream of water, Deadpool finally heard the sound of swords clashing one another. A faint sound, that became louder and louder as time passed by. He had already messaged Argo, making sure they could provide back up if it was needed.
Teleporting onto a tree, the Merc noticed two players dueling in the stream. One was Kirito, but the other player, wearing a coif just in front of his eyes, he had never met before. He wore green-blue clothing, the new colors of the ADA, yet that didn't make things easier. After all, that group had close to 58 members now; there were way too many names to remember. Despite that, the manual of dummies told him enough to know who he had before him.
''So, there is our second target. You don't have many allies left after this, Prince of Hell.'' The Merc with Mouth whispered to himself, summoning a certain item in his hand.
Noticing his black-haired party member had the upper hand due to the -Martial Art- skill, the Merc couldn't help but feel proud. He could see that their training together for the -Martial Art- skill, despite his swordsmanship, wasn't for nothing.
In the moment the unknown player charged forward yet again, Deadpool's plan could be executed. In the motion for a -Leaping Sword- skill, the unknown player could not stop when Deadpool appeared in front of him, striking the just popped-up player on the chest.
Before both players could react to a sudden pop-up from the Merc, the unknown player's cursor turned yellow and Deadpool teleported again, this time tackling the boy to the ground. The boy wanted to scream to attract the Forest Elves in the base, but Deadpool was prepared. As if he had done it a hundred times {maybe I did}, he gagged the unknown player's mouth with a rope, silencing him before the forest elves' attention could be drawn.
''Hggm?! Ghm, hmg?!'' Any attempts by the boy to form any coherent language were useless.
''DP? What are you doing here?!''
''I had an appointment with this fellow here. I assume he had introduced himself already but nevertheless, let me do that again. Kirito, meet Morté, an ally of POH. Morté, Kirito, black-haired front-line player. Some late advice next time you try to kill someone in a duel dipshit: make sure he's working alone.'' The Merc was still holding the boy, both players confused.
Although he couldn't see his eyes, Deadpool knew Morté was aware of the trouble he was in. Like his accomplice had shown to the entire population of Aincrad, getting out of the prisons on the first floor was an impossible task. Especially if the prosecutor was no one less than the Merc with Mouth himself.
''Asuna, Argo, and Kizmel should be on their way. I will wait 'til they arrive, but then I will deliver this bad boy to the first floor cells. You stay here, or I'm gonna throw you into the cell with him,'' Deadpool commanded. Kirito sighed before agreeing to follow the Merc's orders, readying himself for a complete lecture from Argo or Asuna, or if he was really unlucky, even from Kizmel.
Morté was struggling on the ground, but nothing that he could say or do was enough to make the Merc let him go. And after Argo saw the trio of them thirty minutes later, the whole of Aincrad would know the truth later that day.
''I am not my insane self? How do you mindfuck with people more than this? I am literally an equipment dispenser with a teleportation ability and a badass, red leather suit on the front lines. I'm partied with Jesus-kun, the beautiful fencer Asuna, everyone's beloved rat and the dark elf who is liked by all. Do you understand?'' Deadpool rambled to the tied up player on his back, Morté rolling his eyes despite the bad situation he was in.
''Ggm, hmmmg, ggmmh,'' he answered nevertheless. (I have no idea what he just said.)
''Yeah, I thought so too. Anyway, resources are limited here to do a proper assassination. You should know about the next floor. Heard they made a lot of changes since the beta about it.''
''Rgggghy?'' the tied man answered intrigued even if he knew he would not see it in a long time. (really?)
''Yeah, totally. Although you wouldn't see it in the near future. Or in a future at all, if OP was not such a good guy. We need to talk by the way.'' Deadpool stated to the sky, the bonded player giving up for he could not follow the words of the Merc With Mouth.
When Deadpool dropped Morté off in a cell [Kicked him onto his ass and put the maximum sentence up for things Morté had not committed.] {We are doing him a favor!}, Deadpool's expression changed as he looked dead ahead.
''You got that right, you son of bitch! How dare you ignore this story for two freaking months?! I mean, there are people waiting for this chapter to come out and you just do stupid stuff like school, work, fapping over that fanfic Eroninja and more of that useless stuff. I mean, come on dude!'' Deadpool started his rampage to nothingness, drawing various confused players surrounding him.
While the red-clothed red player kept rampaging why life was unfair {Don't you dare ignore us!}, Argo had requested a meeting with one of her best contacts in the capital city of Zumfut. With Deadpool's own wide variety of contacts [I see where you're going], he wanted to join the Argo in her meeting.
''Wait, wait, wait, who are we meeting anyway? And don't think we are done over this yet, you piece of shit!'' Deadpool continued his rampage as the sun was about to go down, showing a beautiful afterglow of the sky. ''Stop ignoring me dammit!''
''I see. You are the remarkable red-clothed player I heard so much about.'' A calm low voice addressed the duo of players sitting in front of him. ''It is pleasure to meet you, Sir Deadpool.''
''I wish I could say the same, yet I don't who I am dealing with here.'' The Merc with Red stated as a matter-of-a-fact to the gray-haired player in front of him. Argo almost covered his mouth with her hand to silence him, but Heathcliff just laughed before focusing on Argo.
''It seems you still hold true to your name, Argo-san. Still giving no information for free, even to your friends.'' The gray-haired player stated smiling. ''I suppose I could tell you my name, but what am I to gain from it?''
''Name your price and let's see if its negotiable,'' Argo answered, grinning before Deadpool could react. ''I am sure you have heard of his amazing abilities if you have heard so much about him.''
''Ah yes. If I have to guess based off your tone, they do not seem to be exaggerated.'' Heathcliff answered confidently. Argo had to hold back a bit of frustration at the bit of information she wanted to use as material, was given for free.
Before she continued though, Deadpool stepped in. ''Let me guess. You're a beta player too.''
Heathcliff stared surprisingly at the player in front of him. ''How could you possibly know that?''
The fact that this information was all in the manual for dummies [Thank you for that.] gave Deadpool the absolute understanding who he had before him, something he was going to take advantage of. {Absolutely!}
''That is gonna cost you, buddy,'' Deadpool answered in the same confidence the opposing player showed before.
''How much?''
''Depends. What do you want to know? I could share why I think you are a beta player, my name, my abilities or maybe even my perfect date location. I have to say Wakanda does sound very beautiful this time of year.''
Heathcliff showed a smile before materializing a sack of Col out of his inventory and held it on the table. ''This is 12k Col. I assume that should be enough for the first three options.''
Argo stared with wide open eyes at her companion. For her, he was just the clueless red-coated player with strange powers, but apparently, he had other talents besides slashing. {Go fuck yourself.} [We are a mercenary after all.]
''Agreed,'' Deadpool stated before taking the Col back in his inventory. ''Well, let start with the simple questions. The name is Deadpool. You can call me sir Deadpool or DP if I can drop the san.'' The Merc pointedly nodded the player before him.
Confirming he could drop the honorific, Deadpool continued. ''Seeing how you know miss rodent here so well, I assumed you had quite some history with her before the game started already. To be more precise, she displays the same behavior as another beta player you probably know as well. That was all I needed really. Then, for the third question, I have a teleporter skill that lets me teleport 100 times a day, a summoning skill that lets me produce any materials that can be sourced within the floor and a mimic skill that just makes me a lovely troll. Don't know how I got them and to be fair, I am not going to ask for pears from an elm tree. If you want to know more, I guess you got to pay a little more.''
To Argo's surprise, the gray-haired leader seemed to be generally happy with the explanation. Her suspicions were confirmed when he answered, ''That will not be needed. Now that introductions are out of the way, let us continue business Argo-san.''
The third floor was cleared two days later after the meeting, the evil tyrant boss known as Nerius {With a name like that, of course he's evil} died without taking a single player with him. Naturally, despite its wide area attack, the tree had a weakness to the axe class and let's just say, Deadpool had enough of those.
Some believed he was singing while he was cutting down the giant tree monster, but none had confirmed this rumor to be true for they were too concerned about the fatal risk presented by the level 2 poison.
For a reason unknown [Laziness], Kirito, Asuna, Argo, and Deadpool were sent to the fourth floor. The fact that the entire fourth floor consisted of rivers was strange and previously unencountered, clearly expressed by the confusion on the faces of the beta players.
Kirito, however, the brilliant Jesus-kun he truly was [Told you so], found a way to surf the wild rivers in the form of tubes [That hang from a tree.] {How ridiculous could it be?}.
''You guys are way too slow! Woohoo!'' Deadpool shouted as he surfed over the raging river like a freakin roller-coaster. The other three players followed suit, excitement and fear dancing around in Asuna's eyes. Argo could only shout like a small happy child and Kirito tried to remain cool, which was not that easy with the cold water touching his swim shorts. Suddenly, in Deadpool's mind, the soundtrack of Jaws began to play.
''What are you planning?'' Deadpool asked himself. ''I don't like where this is going. Why are you playing that music?''
[Shark nearby?]
{Why don't we have the search skill?}.
Before Deadpool could turn around and warn his teammates, Kirito peddled forward while shouting, ''Mobs behind us!'' Asuna and Argo charged forward to the closest shore whilst Deadpool fell behind due to the speed he was missing. He then noticed the large red fin coming out of the water.
''You can't do this?! Make me move! Do your wind thing!'' Unfortunately, the wind on that day was extremely gentle. {Oh, come on!} The sound of the Jaws theme became heavier the closer the mob got. The beast jumped out of the water, but before it could catch Deadpool, the Merc leaped out of the river and made his way to the shore, running like a madman on the water like as if in an old childish cartoon.
Despite dodging the bite and landing on the shore in just matter of seconds, he could not slowdown in time and struck the tree a just ahead, head-on.
''Sir Deadpool!''
''DP, you okay?!''
''I…really…hate…you…for…this.'' The Merc in Red whispered, sliding down the oak. Finally landing on his butt, Deadpool opened his eyes to the other players and still noticed the two girls. He looked between Asuna's red-white bikini, Argo's mellow-yellow one and Kirito's last attack swim shorts from the second floor. I'm not going to explain why they are in their bathing suits. If you want to know, just read chapter 10 of Aincrad, but different.
''Have I arrived in heaven? I see two angels and Jesus-kun'' the Merc in Red asked with a wide grin.
''He's fine.'' Argo noted dryly. ''What was behind us anyway?'' Ignoring the nagging red-clothed player for the monster in front of them, they could see the fin was apparently the biggest part of the entirety of its body. To be more precise, the Gaudy Nepthene's fin was bigger than the remaining part of its body.
Noticing what he had been afraid of, Deadpool let out a sigh before summoning two blades and asked softly. ''Who wants Sushi?''
That was only the start of the fourth floor and the many adventures that would follow on this floor. [That, you must wait for, for another two months.] {Because OP can't plan.} Sigh.
Author's notes:
''Hope you guys enjoyed this small chapter again. Sorry for the wait but this bastard just couldn't find the inspiration for another crazy chapter of me!''
My apologies, but I fear that was a bit true. Unfortunately, school is still quite harsh on me, the upcoming time, and inspiration, so forgive me. Hope you guys enjoyed the third floor and we are finally up to the 4th floor. Oh, I am so excited for this one!
Beyor out!-
''Next time on Sword Art Online: Deadpool. Titanic with a Viking death!''
[That sounds promising.]
{See you later, legends!}