Disclaimer: I do not own any of the franchises that appear in this story. They all belong to their respective creators and the money-sucking companion they belong too.
Tenth-floor boss fight. Boss room.
Skillset Mimic:
Proficiency = 100/1000.
Description: Every reference attack that is performed will influence the mobs and the players around you.
Branching skill on 100/1000: Perfected faker = 1/10 chance for a reference to turn out real if the act is considered noteworthy enough. Can only be used in boss fights.
He shouldn't be surprised. He really shouldn't. His longest party member was known for his tricks, his unpredictable natural way of life and everything else that wasn't normal in the eyes of a normal person was normal to him. But changing the complete surroundings from a large boss room to a deserted burned land, where the ground was covered by ash and various weapons stuck in the ground, had Kirito still in total shock.
There were no clockworks floating in the air. The air wasn't as normal as one would believe fitted the Reality Marble that was Unlimited Blade Works. Instead, the ground was filled with ash and black-coated iron pipes, swords, axes, a newspaper with a strange brown color on its tip end, and [Cannot Compute] signs seen burrowed halfway in the dead ground. Long tall buildings stood in the distance, an illusion created by a memory of old. This wasn't Emiya's Unlimited Blade Works. This was Deadpool's Unlimited Blade Works.
*Sits back from his computer. Checks his notes, his endless research and the many private messages (five) since the last time updated. One deep sigh and the office chair was slit back to the keyboard. Two pairs of eyes opened up to the front and two characters in different universes spoke in unison. ''Let's do this!''
''Let's do this!'' Deadpool shouted, a mix of voices hearable to the other players.
His strange roar did not stay unnoticed as two blades unknown to many appeared in his hands and another five swords floated alongside him in the air.
*Clang!* a loud high note echoed through the air as a sharp blade clashed with a downward slash from Deadpool, Kagachi bearly able to block the downward strike as the ground trembled from Deadpool's strength despite it not being a sword skill. A grin once belonging to the Red Archer stood on his face while five swords dashed forward. With the speed of bullets, they pierced through Kagachi's right shoulder.
Kagachi did not waver as his blade cut through the wind itself, ready to slash the Merc into two. *Clang* *Boom*. Deadpool cross blocked the downward slash and send flying to the ground nevertheless. Another flash of teleportation and Deadpool's blades were jammed in the eyes of the large demonic samurai.
''He can't do this on his own! Let's help him!'' Kirito shouted, dashing forward with his own blade at his side. His act of help was unnecessary but greatly answered as two parties answered his call and dashed forward.
{Oh, so cute!}[They think we need help.] Let's prove them wrong! Kagachi staggered back as the blades put him temporarily in the dark, yet it was a demonic snake not for nothing. The air trembled, giving him a good idea where his opponent was. An upward slash missed Deadpool by a hair, only the quick mid-air role the difference between losing both his legs or no damage. Two lighting slashes followed, the first one dodged by teleportation while the second was redirected with his blades.
The shattering of swords echoed through the air as Deadpool summoned two new ones and clashed with Kagachi once again. Three floating blades stopped the boss in his tracks as Asuna and Argo unleashed two sword skills and struck Kagachi left leg with critical hits.
Deadpool received damage over time, but his Regeneration 100/1000 was more than enough to cover that weakness. Blades of plenty continued to harass Kagachi as Alice parried another blade, this time Kizmel and Eugeo engaging the warrior head-on. Yuna began to chant, buffing the players around her with weak attack and defense up.
Another number of attacks came crashing down but were parried by combined effects for Yuuki and Kirito, Leafa and Sinon taking the chance to inflict damage. A horizontal slash was blocked by Kirito's Vertical Slash, and an upcoming was diagonal downward slash with an opposite diagonal slash from Yuuki. A second later, Deadpool teleported in front of Kagachi's face and knocked him downwards with a critical Round House kick.
Kagachi stood up almost instantly, roared so loudly it pushed every player backward and summoned another blade into his hands. ''Dual wielding?!'' players shouted in shock, the only one able to successfully pull it off the Merc himself.
Deadpool grinned as he responded, ''One, two, three...Fuck math, we are just using all of them!''
Even Kagachi's system couldn't compute what was going to happen when a hundred weapons were lifted from the ground. Axes, swords, spears, a newspaper, maces, pipes and rapiers floated high in the sky, all aimed at one target.
''Wait!'' Deadpool suddenly shouted, the other players shifting their shocked gazes on him. ''I forgot to turn the fire off!''
''You don't even cook,'' Peter responded confused. {That was what I was gonna say!}
''Dp, finish it already!'' Argo added slightly irritated.
''Yeah, finish it already! We want to see the boobs!'' another player shouted, most of the female players blushing heavily while the other players roared approvingly. Boobs? When did we promise something about boobs? [You said the next theme floor is going to be boobs.]{Are they going to be disappointed!} I am not so sure about that. When did you start talking in your chapters?
''Dp, fire already!'' Kirito shouted, Kagachi already ignoring the floating weapons to focus on the players in the front. Large white snakes launched from Kagachi's arms, paralyzing many players who were not paying attention. With no one around him, the samurai slashed the air horizontally and vertically, white trajectories aimed right at the unprepared players.
''Oh sorry, forgot about it. Ready? Fire!'' he shouted as he pointed to Kagachi, and his weapons followed his command. Swords penetrated his body on every spot possible, except the one place that would never see sunlight. It was a newspaper that received that honor, moving right under the rear end before Kagachi's eyes shot open. Twenty axes slashed deeply in his headwear while rapiers and spears pierced through its legs, to the point they shattered into oblivion.
As the illusion of Unlimited Deadpool Works vanished and the space turned normal again, Deadpool fell to his knee. Kagachi was sitting on one knee as well, of his seven health bars had only a shiver left. ''Deadpool-san, what's wrong?!'' Yuna asked worriedly as she stood at his side.
Heavily panting, he answered, ''Sorry, plot armor kicks in... Finish it for me!''
Yuna nodded as she shifted her eyes on the players in front of her and shouted, ''The boss is only a shiver of health! Finish it!''
Her guildmates nodded, lining up to charge forward on Kagachi. Perhaps it was only a sliver of health, but none of the players had enough skill to strike it after Deadpool's barrage. None except the guild {Insert name here} [We still require an awesome name], who all had the strength and 'ass'-sets one could be proud of. Kirito dashed forward first, three boys and seven girls running in his tracks.
Kagachi's eyes turned to the approaching group, grinned devilish and launched forward. His blades cut deep into the ground before he launched diagonally upward, Kirito in the nick of time blocking one sword well Yuuki parried the other one. An upward sword skill followed, but Kizmel blocked the first while Alice parried the second. Asuna, Sinon, and Leafa ran past their teammates and unleashed their strongest sword skills. Asuna unleased a Rapid Stab, jabbing Kagachi twice with the strength of two Obliques. Sinon turned four 360's [So a 1440.] as her spear slashed Kagachi's stomach four times. {The beauty of Double Helix!} Leafa shouted with the confidence of a professional kendoka as she held the curved sword above her head, and felt her body move upward as she made two full flips, and struck the boss with a two downwards slashes. [Those are not the only things that are coming down.] {See them bounce!}.
Three sword skills, simultaneously used, were enough to defeat the enormous samurai. He landed on his knees as blue tears began to form around his body. A white light began to rip through its body until it exploded gloriously, and vanished into thin air.
The Congratulations message appeared, but almost none could care about it as they rushed onto the stairs, hoping their single life would momentarily get a boost. Even if it was virtual, boobs weren't just fat. They're filled with men's hopes and dreams and were those hopes that pushed the players forward. {Best reference ever!}
The climb was heavy, but when the doors came into view, it was all worth it. At least, they believed so but the opened those heavy doors opened up, the heat of an intense summer day struck them in the face as their hopes shattered instantly.
They stared over an endless plain of sand, here and there a hill made of that light-brownish grain standing. ''No...Where are the boobs?'' A player of culture asked.
''Perhaps they are in the safe zones! Let's go, everyone!'' An officer of the enormous guild answered, the players running forward as they followed their pervert officer into the safe borders of the eleventh floor. They didn't even pay attention to the d.o.t. that slowly depleted their healthbars.
The eleventh floor itself didn't have anything special, and Deadpool was bored incredibly quickly. But the damage over time that gave the front-line a bit of a problem, caused a quick change in his mood. The heat of the desert-themed floor caused their virtual bodies to overheat if they wore too much clothing & armor, and the players quickly realized Taft had no NPC tailors.
The rumor of such a thing quickly spread throughout Aincrad, and a player rose to the challenge. The fact there was a player on the frontline, part of a guild with some interesting individuals, who could pull every item out of thin air, had her curiosity triggered even further. As she teleported into Taft, she would have expected the guild she was looking for was hard to find, but it the contrary was true.
''Take responsibility!'' a brown-haired girl demanded at the side of the plaza, the Merc in red not even knowing how to respond.
''Usually, they say that after the sex, not before. Are you sure you have the right guy, miss? I have a lot of lookalike fans!'' Deadpool commented innocently.
The girl in blacksmith's clothing turned bright red as she said, ''Shut up! This is not about that! You are the asshole that keeps magically summon weapons. Nobody comes to ask me for my services since you are given them out for free.''
''Then your services suck more than your manners do.'' Deadpool retorted, completely flipping the blacksmith off.
She wanted to shout, only for another voice to interrupt her. ''Deadpool-san, what are you doing?'' A long-haired brunette came at their side and with an apologetic bow to the blacksmith, she apologized, ''I am sorry for whatever my companion has done. Tell me what he has done, and I will make sure he will be punished accordingly.'' [Spanking.]{Smashing!}
''Unless you can give her some of your skills, I doubt there is anything you can do for her,'' Deadpool commented.
''Shut up! I am the best blacksmith in Aincrad, jerk!''
As the blacksmith's face almost exploded from nuclear anger, the tailor was very much enjoying their bickering. Although the heat of the morning in the city of Taft was annoying, she waited a bit longer for the perfect moment to join in on that discussion.
''You are a blacksmith?'' Yuna asked curiously. ''I doubt I have much of a chance here, but I wondered if you could join our guild? We are still looking for a blacksmith in our group.''
The blacksmith's expression suddenly shifted to hesitation as she answered, ''I am not really...''
Deadpool grinned as he threw the bait and waited for the sinker to drown, ''Please, we need a competent blacksmith. Not some scrub like her.''
''Who are you calling scrub, asshole!'' the blacksmith responded.
''You. Git gud, scrub!'' Deadpool retorted, purposely taunting.
Yuna would have interrupted the quarrel if she didn't know better. It was when they walked up the stairs towards the eleventh floor Kirito spoke about a blacksmith. Although Deadpool's ability was great and all, his ability didn't give the strongest equipment that the floor had to offer. Deadpool himself agreed on it, and he said he had the perfect plan to bring one at their side, in his own unique way.
For Yuna, it was as if the Merc in red was on a whole other level as her or her friends. His actions were stupid, his words were anything but comfortable, and she would lie if she would have denied the thought of stabbing him once in a while did not flash in her mind. Not to kill, but just to payback for his actions.
But on other moments, that same madman proved to be the most amazing companion. His strength was real, just as his words to give her an offer she couldn't refuse. The adventure with her companions was as real as it could be, and Deadpool played an important role in that adventure. Cringe [Bit sweet.]{A bit? I have diabetes!}
''Fine, I will prove it to you, jerk! I will join your guild and show you what I am capable of.'' And that was hook, line & sinker.
"Really?! Thank you very much...'' Yuna thanked before realizing she had not heard a name. ''Sorry, I didn't catch your name yet. I am Yuna and this is Deadpool.''
''Lisbeth. You can call me Liz, but he still has to call me Lisbeth!'' she announced angry, her glare aimed at Deadpool.
Yuna looked slightly worried as she added Liz to the guild, explained how she could find the others, shifted her attention to Deadpool and asked, ''You don't happen to have more surprises in wait for us today?''
''Like what?'' Deadpool asked. ''You want another specialist in the guild? Hope they are better than this scrub.''
''Fuck off already,'' Liz retorted as she scrolled through her menu, trying to pinpoint the location of her newest guild members.
Yuna placed her hands in her hips as she said, ''Knock it off already, Deadpool-san. I was just wondering if you had any other surprises for us. For example, the other front-line players are still looking for a tailor for this heat. You wouldn't have an idea how to get one to join our guild, would you?''
That was the opening she needed, and Ashley instantly took hold of it. ''Sorry, I couldn't help but overhear you. Do you require a tailor?''
Yuna looked welcomely surprised as she responded politely, ''Actually, yes. Do you know where we can find one, miss?''
After what she had seen earlier from both players, she could already tell this was going to be an interesting collaboration. She responded, ''I do know one but first let me introduce myself properly.'' With a polite bow, she added, ''My name is Ashley, one of the few experienced tailors in Aincrad.''
''Experienced?'' Deadpool asked skeptically. ''How high is your skill?''
''I am sorry! Deadpool-san, you can't ask that!'' Yuna immediately interrupted.
However, Ashley remained curious as she asked, ''I see. I heard you were direct, but I had never expected this much. I don't mind telling, but you have to give me something of equal value as well.'' Looking at the merc, she smiled as she pointed at his mask and said, ''I have heard you have never unequipped your mask. If you want to know my skill, I want to be the first to see what you are hiding.''
Deadpool grinned as he shifted his eyes on Yuna and said, ''I like this one.''
~Three hours later~
''For reference, please search Sword Art Online Arabia on your normal search engine. Please enjoy this lovely artwork from Abec himself.'' Deadpool announced to the sky, none of the experienced players paying attention to it. Both Ashley and Liz had questions in spare but the latter learned quickly not to ask those, while the former just wasn't that curious to Deadpool's craziness. In her eyes, the other players were much more interesting.
''This is amazing!'' Yuuki said enthusiastically, twirling around in a mirror as the hijab scarf hid most of her long purple hair. ''What do you think, Asuna-san!'' she asked as she stopped mid- twirl and showed her Arabic attire to the fencer.
''You look good. It does look a bit frail though,'' she voiced concerned as she too was not covering much. Enough to be comfortable around the likes of her of male companions, but it was not something she would choose head-first if something more modest was available.
The blond-haired tailor swept majestically her blue extensions out of her face as she grinned and answered, ''Don't worry about such trivial things. I am well aware these clothes have to be sufficient for heavy damage so I made them by a rare strong material.'' She looked impressed as she added, ''To think the rumors were true. Anyway, where is Sir Deadpool?''
''Well, since we are dressed in Arabic style, I assume...'' Kirito started, only for an earth-shattering blast to shake the ground itself. Kirito deadpanned as he added, ''He is blowing the city up.''
''He is nuts...'' Liz muttered.
''That makes it interesting though. If he was here, he would probably mock Kii-bou for looking away from his companions.'' Argo teased grinningly.
Kirito's head suddenly turned red, and even Alice grew weary of her foreign clothing. She wasn't used to wearing such casual clothing, and although she didn't dislike them, she wasn't that confident in their capabilities to assist her in battle. And she wasn't the only girl who wasn't comfortable in the new creations.
Asuna, Argo, Kizmel, Liz, and Yuuki hardly had any trouble with their new assets, but just like Alice, Sinon and Leafa felt differently. Sinon wasn't fond to show much skin in general, thus being forced to wear something revealing as a white top and a green shorts wasn't her comfort zone. The green leggings and forearm covers helped a bit in comfort though. Leafa had other problems.
She didn't much mind the clothing if it wasn't for the fact they didn't hide anything. The green sling in front of her legs barely did anything to hide her knee-high black leggings and the green top even strengthened the image her bust was abnormal.
Compared to the girls, the men's clothing left everything to the imagination. Their thawbs, as they were originally called, were designed to their liking with black and white for Kirito, blue and white for Eugene, and blue and red for Peter. Although little skin was shown, the turbans on their heads together with the thawbs fitted perfectly with them and gave both Sinon, Alice, and Leafa that little push to join in on the adventure.
Just as Kirito wanted to ask how much the cost was for those clothing, another blast close at home echoed in the air, shaking the ground once again. It caused the room to shake, players to fall and a cloud of dust to arise from nowhere. [Because, plot.]
The door slammed open with brute force and a charcoaled-black Merc stepped in and shouted proudly, ''I told you I forgot the turn the fire off!''
Pained shrugging could be heard as Kirito stood up and asked, ''For real? Why...never mind. It is not worth the trouble.''
As the dust started to clear up, Deadpool responded, ''You got that right. Something is strange though. If you are standing there, why did that cloud of dust suddenly appear?''
''What are you talking about, Deadpool-san?'' Eugeo asked, Peter too standing next to him with a questionable gaze.
Deadpool looked confused before the holes of his mask shot open and he realized what was going on. ''Sweet baby Jesus. This is going to be amazing.''
Before Kirito, or the other two gentlemen could ask what he meant, an unexpected moan rang through the room. ''Ah...Wait...What are you...Ah!'' Sinon started with a cry of mercy.
''Stop moving...ah! Watch where you are touching!'' Asuna followed up.
''Wait... that tickles...'' Leafa continued.
''Girls, let's...! Wa...it... not...ther...'' Yuna tried to say, only for another moan to escape her lips.
''Anyone wants some popcorn? I got plenty.'' The three boys couldn't even move as their faces turned bright red, each new sound causing that redness to increase. As the dust began to die down, all the girls standing with mixed feelings consisting of embarrassment, discomfort, curiosity, and some more embarrassment, Kirito eventually asked, still bright-red, ''So, how much was it for the new clothing?''
''Well, hello again. Deadpool here. I know this is sudden, but I couldn't care about it. I know you have been waiting a long time for this chapter, so I am going to keep this short.'' [Is that even possible?]{On whose side are you?} ''I was going to say that! Anyway, although all of you significant bastards want as much of me as possible, we don't have the resources to stretch this story.''
As Deadpool walked alongside his companions, who didn't even react to his hundredth monologue, he shouted, ''You own me one for this one, bastard!'' before he continued. ''For future floors, you can check Sword Art Online, Aincrad but Different for the floor themes. Only the most important moments will be told in this story, and the rest will be summarized or just skipped. Don't worry, we will still have a lot to cover but it is exactly that reason we have to skip some content.''
''He sounds even more confusing as he normally does. Are you sure we shouldn't worry about him?'' Eugeo asked worriedly.
Kirito shifted his eyes to the blond warrior, gave him an expression that sounded like, ''I always worry about him,'' and answered, ''Let's just continue. We still have a long way to go.''
Twelfth-floor. City of Gaco, Outskirts.
''Are you sure this is safe?'' Eugeo asked concerned at the table of their temporary stay.
''It will be fine. I hope...'' Kirito answered as the first signs of a quarrel already started.
Well, they were mostly one-sided complaints though, and Kirito couldn't really blame Asuna. ''No, no, not like that! You are burning the sauce!''
''What are you talking about? It is called black pepper sauce,'' The merc reacted innocently.
''It is not! Please, stop burning everything!'' Asuna pleaded as she ran from the stove to the furnace.
''Why would you try to learn how to cook anyway, Dp?'' Argo asked leaning in the door opening, watching the chaos unfold.
Deadpool pointed at her as Asuna tried to save what was left of the preparations as he answered, ''There has to be someone that can make chimichangas at the end of this story. Besides, miss perfect's cooking skill can never be enough with that glutton in our group.''
''Fuck off, asshole!'' Liz angrily retorted from the living room. She switched her gaze on her leader as she asked, ''Kirito, can't you just kick him out?''
''And you think that solves the problem?'' Kirito asked sarcastically.
''It is a lot better than this!'' Liz countered. ''Why are you defending him?''
''We tried to throw him out once... and owned him double for the fact he saved his life,'' Kirito answered tiredly.
''We tried to ignore him once... but he just burned the entire town down,'' Yuna answered in a similar tone.
''I miss Cartua,'' Argo commented, thinking back on dignified the wooden town looked before it was engulfed into flames. Seeing Asuna struggle with Deadpool even more, she grabbed two pieces of bread of the counter, walked towards him, slammed the buns between his head, and shouted, ''What are you?!''
She knows the meme! [As expected from Argo]{Hurry up!}. ''An idiot sandwich!''
''An idiot sandwich what?!'' Argo shouted as others looked wide-opened at the situation.
''An idiot sandwich, ma'am!''
''Good! Now listen to Aa-chan and don't try to fuck up!'' She commanded before she walked out of the kitchen, passing her Pikachu-shocked guild members. ''What can I say? He comes with a manual.''
Twelfth floor. Floor boss.
''Due to a long pause by an idiot who can't plan ahead, hereby an extra episode of Aincrad geographic. Before we start this episode, can I have a moment of silence for the lovely Fate-of-Wishes. She has perished to the extremely dangerous disease called high school. Perhaps, one day, she would return as a zombie and elevating this story out of the dumpster. For now, we'll focus on the new guild Torment of the Innocent!''
''Would you stop changing our guild name every damn second?!'' Kirito shouted angrily.
''Outcasts of the Lost Age? Oath of the Predators? Paladins of Genocide? I can do this all day!'' Kirito deadpanned as he thought,I know...I know. Deadpool grinned as he turned back to camera crystal Jim was holding and said, ''My apologies for that short delay. Anyway, with further ado, let's continue with the episode. *Teleports away*
A group of 96 players rushed forward onto the boss, which was a large lobster with the name The Strict Hermit. Its claws were as strong as iron, and it jabs could cause serious damage. Its shell was unbreakable, and as the Hermit charged forward, it left a trail of poison behind.
*Teleports on top of the shell.* ''Our first subject of this episode will be the newest members of the guild without a cool name.'' As Kirito got more and more agitated, the Merc with mouth continued, ''Known as the Absolute Sword or Zekken, this subject does not fear the hand of death. Her smile is as wonderful as her spirit, and many hope her curves become just as wonderful as her elegance with a blade. Until then, only head pats allowed!'' *Teleports away as he drops burnable branches on the floor.*
Yuuki had not heard a single word, as her blade matched Kirito's sword skills in every possible attack. *Appears behind the Strict Hermit* ''We have a lot to discuss in this episode, so let's make haste to our next subject. This subject is known as Kuudere from the Dere-branch. This female specimen comes in blue and black, and although she lacks in the front department, her rear puts the art in Sword Art Online. However, with her eagle eyes, she picks her target carefully and targets them with expert precision before they have a chance to take a look at that godly view. Sunglasses required for this goddess of the sun.'' *Teleports away while dropping another bunch of branches.
Sinon looked tomato-red from embarrassment as she continued to throw spears at the lobster, a small part of her mind wondering if blue hair would stand her. Deadpool appeared on the left side of the room as he continued, ''Our third subject is the day is a special specimen. Her triangular ears are an important sign of her kind, and it is that trait that held the fantasy of the many.''
''What is Sir Deadpool talking about?'' Kizmel asked her leader confused, touching her ear while doing so.
''No..Nothing. Just ignore him as usual.'' Kirito answered as he tried to ignore the glaring eyes from Asuna.
''As the living embodiment of a male's fantasy on one side and the perfect female warrior on the other, she stands proudly with her sword and shield in hand!'' *Teleporters away while dropping more branches.*
Kizmel looked curious around, but none of the males of the group wanted to meet her gaze as they looked bright-red. In the meantime, Eugeo asked, ''Does he do this often?''
''A few times. Excuse me for a second,'' he said as he noticed the branches, and immediately caught on. Turning around to the rest of the room he shouted, ''Diavel, prepare to retreat!''
''What are you talking about?! We are handling it perfectly!'' the leader of the Aincrad Dragon Alliance responded confused.
''Just do it already!'' Kirito commanded as he kept his gaze on the boss's movements. It was that moment that faces turned to Kirito with surprised, shocked, or curious expressions. Perhaps he was the leader of their guild, but it was mainly because he was the most experienced one of their guild, not of any noteworthy leadership skills. However, in that command, new confidence could be heard that was extremely rare for the young player. Neat! Argo thought. Wow. Eugeo, Parker, Yuuki, and Leafa thought. I knew he had it in him. Kizmel thought with a smile. Deadpool was right. Yuna thought. That's a welcoming surprise. Both Asuna and Alice thought.
*Teleports on the right side of the room* ''No slacking off, Jim! Keep the camera rolling! We have little time until the next show starts, so keep up!'' Turning to his next target, he continued, ''We have arrived at our last subject of the day, and we saved the best for last. By many called both the best girl and best boy, this blonde specimen is a unique individual in another world. With his blade and his partner on his side, he cleanses the world of impurity, in the search for the golden booty.''
It was this time Eugeo's face that shone brightened as he tried to avoid Alice's confused stare. ''And this was it for Aincrad Geographic. After a short break, we will be returning with 'Aincrad's Masterchef!' Stick around!''
''I knew it...'' Kirito mumbled before commanding, ''Keep the boss immobilized! Do not let it escape the wooden branches!''
''Understood!'' His guild members answered as Deadpool just teleported around, pilling up more and more wooden branches until he had created a fine nest any gigantic bird would be proud of.
*Commercial.* ''You're closer now than ever. Deadpool on blue-ray helps you be ready to be ready anytime. Ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough to read or watch Deadpool on blue-ray. If you experience joint pain, easy bruising, vomiting, or clay-colored stool, stopping watching Deadpool immediately! If you experience hair loss, skin sores and irritability, you may actually be Deadpool. And if you experience an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, you're welcome. On Blue-ray and DVD.'' *Commercial ends.*
''Welcome back to the first episode of Aincrad's Masterchef!'' Deadpool announced, standing on top of the Strict Hermit. ''Before we start this competition to find the greatest chef of Aincrad, you need to be taught how to cook! Lesson one; How to prepare a Lobster!''
The wooden branches started to twine into each other until there was no space in between them. Deadpool dropped a burned torch into the wooden nest, and seconds later, a spiral of boiling water miraculously fell down from above. As the lobster boss screeched in pain, Deadpool summoned to swords and said, ''You throw the lobster into a pot of boiling water. If you are like me, you want to boil it alive. However, if you rather have not PETA changing your cheeks, make sure to kill it first.''
As Deadpool jammed a sword so deep into the lobster's head, the one who would pull it out would be crowned king of Aincrad, Deadpool continued, ''Normally, you need around 6 or 7 minutes to cook it properly, but since this one is a bit overdue, we'll cook it ten minutes. If you like it, you can add a bit of garlic and some Italian herbs, but leave it be for the remaining time being.''
As players watched the lobster beg for mercy under the boiling water, deeply-stuck sword, and blazing heat, Deadpool said, ''You can see if your lobster is well-cooked if its shell has turned bright red. However, even if the color is red, you still have the check if the meat has a white creamy color. [Like something else.]{Not yet!}
Jamming another sword inside the lobster's head, Deadpool pulled the skull open and said, ''A few more minutes and it is ready. In the meantime, I will teach about serving. You place it on a plate and you don't drop it on the floor. It is not that difficult, Sharon!''
As the last healthbar of the Strict Hermit shattered, the Merc with a Mouth finally shouted, ''And now you are done! This was the end of the first episode of Aincrad's Masterchef! Until next time, and Bon Appetit!''
Author notes:
I got nothing. Absolute nothing. My mind was blocking completely for the past six months, and suddenly, I write this chapter in three days. It would probably show in the grammar, but I don't care.
Anyway, I hoped you liked this chapter. If you have any decent names for a good Sword Art Online guild, feel free to share. If you have not, let me at least share the laugh. That was it chapter 10 and I hope to see you all in the next one. Beyor out!