Authors Note: HEYO! XD Please tell me what you think; I would love to know XD I own nothing and no one.

JUST SO YOU KNOW: I have taken creative liberties with middle names, so please take that into consideration. Also, I've only seen the Anime and have only JUST started the Manga.

This is my FIRST Death Note fic, so I suppose you could say I'm new to the Fandom! Also, I live in England, I don't know Japanese, so any Japanese I use in this story I get from Google Translate XD

Please, please review XD

P.S. This is an AU - Light was never Kira, but still helped during the investigation; obviously, Light and L did not die; the Kira case took 1 year to clear up, not (about) 7; set in 2016. I apologise for OOCness, but it IS an AU ;)

There will be a bit of a wait after this - I'm at university

Chapter 5

L

"Much like Mello, Near had and still has nightmares. He suffered a lot, so of course he does, even if he can't remember much of what happened." I told Light. "It took him a while to settle; it took him a while to be alright around Mello and Matt. But he's improving every day."

It took longer to get Near's story told. I had to stop many a time to let Light get his emotions out. In the end, the only way I could finish telling Light, was to lean back against the arm of the sofa, the eighteen year old laying against my chest, my arms wrapped tight around him.

To be honest, it was a little easier to tell him that way.

"I still have the boys calling me in the middle of the night. When they were younger, when I still lived at the house, they would always come to find me... Sometimes they would sit with me, if I was working on a case, and they would fall asleep half-on-half-next-to me." I smiled, rubbing a hand along Light's arm. "Other times, when I had nothing to do, I would take them back to their room, or mine if they didn't want to go in there, and I'd lie down with them until the morning. Once, during a thunderstorm, only a year after Near came to the house, I had all three of them bundled in my bed with me, because the loud noises scared them."

In truth, I missed that. I missed being with my boys. I missed being able to see them; I missed being able to hug them; I missed being able to be there for them, like I used to be. I just missed them.

Technically, I could 'adopt' them. I could do that and bring them to Japan. I wanted to, don't get me wrong... But I would have to uproot them. I would have to take them away from the only home they knew. I would have to take them away from the people they knew, whether they liked them or not. It would put them in danger, whenever I took on a case...

I promised myself that no one was going to do anything to any of my boys. I promised myself that I would never put my boys in danger.

I would take my boys in if they decided they wanted to come live with me, of course I would. But I would not do that to them myself.

Light and I lay there in silence for a few minutes. We both need to take a little time to deal with it all.

Light needed time to digest it all.

"Did you ever understand?" Light whispered after a while. "Why you felt such a connection with them, I mean?"

"Yes, I did." I nodded.

"And?"

"They reminded me of me, when I was a lot younger. Well, at first anyway. After I started to get to know them, started to bond with them, they became my boys. That's what people would call them. L's Boys. Roger used to say I was like a big brother to them... The boys always told me I was more than a brother; I was to them what Watari had become for me - a father figure."

I felt Light smile against my chest. I could feel the tension start to drain away. I could feel the any and all negative emotions start to drain out of him. In a way, I was happy about that.

On the other hand? Well, I knew what his next question would be, and I didn't know how he'd react. Honestly, I didn't really want him to ask. I wanted him to just forget about it and let it slide, but I knew that wouldn't happen. He would be curious and he would want to know... He deserved to know and I would tell him.

But that didn't mean I wanted him to ask.

"Do you ever wish you were back in England?" Light asked, curiously, lifting his head slightly to look at me.

"Yes and no." I sighed. "Yes, because of my boys. But no, because of you."

"So you want to have your cake and eat it too?"

"Cake? Where?"

An hour.

That was how long it took.

An hour and then it was out in the open.

"What's your story?" Light asked, the fingers of his right hand casually twirling in my hair.

Even though I expected it to come, it still made me freeze up. My entire body went ridged as the memories flashed through my mind. They were always the reason why, when I could, I would never allow myself to fall asleep. The memories became nightmares. Nightmares meant waking up in a cold sweat, screaming.

Nightmares meant another panic attack, something I hadn't experience in a long time.

I could tell Light knew. I could tell he had felt me tense. I knew he could feel that I had stopped breathing. I knew he was about to take his question back, saying that I didn't have to tell him anything I wasn't comfortable with. Just like he always did.

I placed my hand over his mouth before he would say anything.

"My mother loved me. She was an amazing woman; a sweet person. My father was not. He hated us, he was always drunk, he always hurt us and allowed others to do the same. " I rushed, taking a deep breath. "My mother would always be beaten; she would be rapped, least, once a week by my father or one of his friends. She killed herself in nineteen ninety three, when I was two."

I watched Light's eyes widen. I watched some colour drain out of his face.

I wished that was the worst from this story...

"I became the outlet for any and all aggression and, sometimes, my injuries would get so bad that I could be put in the hospital. In nineteen ninety seven, when I was six, my father was passed out drunk on the sofa whilst a friend of his, who was also drunk, was still awake." I told him. "This man found me in 'my room', which was a small cupboard, nothing in it, and he tried to do to me what they had all once done to my mother. I was...terrified, to say the least, but I fought back. I managed to hit him hard enough to make him let go of my arm, and I ran out of the house and into the rain as fast as I could."

I watched as Light's eyebrows furrowed, watched as his eyes became slightly teary.

I wished I could say that was the end.

"I didn't know Watari was on his way to get me. He got to the house, only to find my father passed out and another man in pain, and I was nowhere to be seen. They were both lucky the police turned up, otherwise they would have been dead before they were arrested. As soon as they were in police custody, that was when Watari ran out to try and find me." I continued. "I was living on the streets for two years. I slept in doorways and alleys; I had to fight off more people like my father and his friend; I dug through bins for when I needed food and water. It was on my eighth birthday, in nineteen ninety nine, yet another rainy day, that Watari found me, hiding in an old, cardboard box."

I couldn't look at Light anymore.

I just stared up at the ceiling, my eyes shut tight.

"I already knew Watari... Seeing him, seeing the friendly face of someone I knew would help me, I couldn't stop crying; I practically launched myself at him. He took me to the police station first, he gave me a change of clothes and something to eat and drink." I said. "He waited until I had calmed down and stop shaking until he took me to the orphanage. It was the first place I could actually call home."

Light didn't say anything after I had finished speaking.

We had both moved, sitting up again, just like we were when we first started talking, only with more distance between us - though that was my doing, not Light's. I was back to my usual sitting position, wrapping my arms around my legs and resting my forehead on my knees.

What was I supposed to do? What was I supposed to say? What could I possibly do or say to improve the situation? I didn't know. I had never been in this kind of situation before, so I wouldn't know.

I had never had to tell anyone before.

It was times like this that I wanted a case. At least then I could make an excuse and get away from the uncomfortable situation. But I couldn't do that - I had nothing to go to. I had nothing to do to take my mind off of this.

All I could do was sit there, regretting my decision.

I couldn't stop the flashes; pictures of moments before I was found. Images of my mother being dragged away from me, too weak to keep those men away from her; images of my mother laying in the bath, drowning in her own blood, her wrists slit; images of that drunken man trying to attack me; images of faceless people on the streets, some trying to take me, some trying to hurt me, some wanting to do worse.

Images of people I couldn't save, no matter how hard I tried.

The images kept me awake at night; the faces haunting my dreams.

Minutes?

Hours?

I couldn't tell how long we had been quiet for. Usually I would keep track, counting the seconds that went by - I could barely breathe, let alone concentrate my mind enough to focus on counting. That's when I knew I wasn't dealing with the situation well. If I couldn't pull myself together enough to count, I knew something was wrong.

I just felt like a child again, losing track of the days; just staring into nothing, wishing I was somewhere else. Well, staring at my legs, should I say. And, for the first time in a long time, I wanted to cry.

I just felt lost.

I would have given anything for the phone to ring. I didn't care who it was, I just wanted someone to call my mobile so I could try and move out of this uncomfortable situation. Or even for Watari to come in. Watari always knew what to do, he always knew how to make things better. He always knew what to say...

That was when I felt arms wrap around my shoulders, a head resting on top of mine; my senses were invaded by the scent of Light's cologne.

I didn't expect that.

I moved on autopilot. Loosening slightly and letting go of the grip on my legs, only to enclose my own arms around the eighteen year old.

Maybe I was wrong about his reaction.

There will be a bit of a wait after this - I'm at university

P.S. This is an AU - Light was never Kira, but still helped during the investigation; obviously, Light and L did not die; the Kira case took 1 year to clear up, not (about) 7; set in 2016. I apologise for OOCness, but it IS an AU ;)

Please, please review XD

Thanks XD