Summary: Shalimar's pretty sure she's supposed to be too old to be having a queer crisis, but there's just something about Emma... So it seems like something of a blessing when her feral nature takes what should be a run of the mill attraction to Richard Saunders and turns it up to eleven. After all, she doesn't have to examine her feelings for Emma if she's busy not thinking with Richard.

Meanwhile Emma's nursing what she thinks is an unrequited crush and having to put up with two guys who are definitely dating even though they swear they're not. (And Adam demonstrates the very definition of a clueless aro.)

Notes: I started rewatching this show recently and while it's even campier and cheesier than I remember, my nostalgia for the show was definitely not misplaced. Though I'd forgotten how much I shipped Emma/Shalimar.

Some of the dialogue comes from the episode s01e04 - Fool For Love.

Bisexual Panic And Other Foolishness

Chapter 1

The thing is, Shalimar does enjoy clubs when she's with friends. While they haven't really had a chance to hang out since Brennan and Emma joined the team, she used to go with Jesse and some of the former teammates they've had over the last two years, most of whom eventually decided the danger was too much and slipped into hiding.

Even when it was just her and Jesse, though, she didn't have to worry about quite this much attention. And this was even after moving her Mutant X communication ring to make herself look married. After all, a beautiful woman in a club like this, alone, with a feral new mutant's animal magnetism? Like a wedding ring was going to even register to these guys.

"Uh, hi."

Shalimar looked up at the sound of a woman's voice, far too timid to be Donna. She was pretty, though, and clearly nervous.

"I don't usually do this, but... would you like to get a drink? With me?"

"I'm sorry, I'm just here meeting a friend," Shalimar told her. "I'm not really planning on staying long."

"Oh." The other woman ducked her head, looking a touch embarrassed. "Well, uh, if you change your mind or if your friend stands you up..." she nodded to the dance floor, "you can find me over there."

It wasn't the first time Shalimar had been asked out by a woman, but as always she tells herself she's not interested. She likes men and while she's flattered by the attention of women, well... they're not really her type. Even if women are nicer to look at. And, aside from Jesse and maybe Brennan (who is growing on her), she's always been better at forging emotional connections with women than men. And had maybe taken to teaching Emma Tai Chi as an excuse to touch her more often, though Emma's form was improving exponentially...

But she wasn't... well. Shalimar wasn't attracted to women or anything like that.

Sighing in frustration, Shalimar turned on her ear piece to allow for two way communication with whoever was running the comms. Probably Adam. He fretted over them like a momma duck with over adventurous ducklings every time one of them left the base.

"It's been over an hour," she said conversationally, checking her decorative silver watch and wincing. It was nearing an hour and a half to be more precise. "If I said yes to half the people who'd offered to buy me a drink, you'd be pouring me out of this meat rack."

"All in the line of duty, Shalimar," Adam said, voice teasing in response. "Senses okay?"

"Yeah. It's a little loud for my tastes and the bartender loves me for pointing out two guys who tried to spike a drink when I heard them discussing targets; pretty sure he'd been looking for an excuse to sic the bouncers on them. But, well," she sighed. "Why did you schedule the meetup here?"

"With Donna being so reluctant to even talk to us the last few weeks, I wanted her to choose the rendezvous spot. And I was hoping maybe talking to a fellow feral mutant might ease her concerns about our underground network." Adam sounded apologetic. "She did seem more comfortable around you during the our initial contact with her."

The feral mutant connection. It either went two ways on first meeting: instantly connected in some way... or instantly territorial. When Shalimar had met Donna, she'd felt a sense of protectiveness for the other woman. She was so new to her abilities and had clearly felt overwhelmed, though if she was frequenting places like this now then she must have been adjusting better than Shalimar had thought she would. (She'd been so relieved not to feel all territorial with Donna - there was nothing more irritating than meeting a perfect stranger and having all her hackles go up for seemingly no reason.)

"There she is," Shalimar sighed, feeling a prickling on the back of her neck that made her look to the club's entrance. There stood Donna, wild grin on her face as she zeroed in on some guy at the bar. "I'll make sure she's ready to head out and then we'll be on our way back to base."

While Donna wasn't in immediate danger, there was increased GSA chatter about feral mutants the last few weeks and, the last time Adam had spoken to Donna, she had agreed that living in the same city as Genomex's headquarters was too much of a risk. They were relocating her out of state with a job and apartment lined up by the underground. Hopefully this wasn't a sign that she'd gotten cold feet.

Getting up, Shalimar intercepted Donna on her way to the bar. "Hey, you made it. I thought you said nine, though."

"Uh, yeah. I did. Sorry I'm late." Donna looked around Shalimar distractedly, smiling coyly at the guy at the bar.

Shalimar groaned internally. Dragging Donna away from a guy her instincts were demanding she go fuck was going to be a pain in the ass. Still, she plastered on a polite smile and asked, "had a harder time packing your go bag than expected?"

"Oh. Well..." Donna looked sheepish now. "About that. I'm not going. I changed my mind."

For goodness sake... "The GSA picked up two newly active feral mutants in the last three weeks, Donna. They're getting better at identifying the signs of our genotype. I thought you'd already agreed with Adam that it was better to be safe than sorry."

"Well, yeah, but... they only want new mutants, right?"

"Which you clearly are," Shalimar told her. With a feral's instincts there was no way Donna could have slipped back into denial over what she was... right?

Donna just shrugged. "I gotta go. My date's waiting."

"Uh, no. The only date you've got," Shalimar insisted, grabbing Donna's shoulder, "is with me and the underground."

"Adam said the underground thing was voluntary," Donna retorted, shrugging off Shalimar's hand. "So unless that's changed, you can tell him thanks, but no thanks."

Donna swanned off and, before Shalimar could take more than a few steps to follow after, some guy leered at Shalimar and leaned into her space. "Well hey there, sugar. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"

It felt like it took all of Shalimar's self control not to scratch the guy's eyes off. "Won't matter how much you walk by, it won't make you any less unappealing." She moved to step around him, but he hurried to block her path.

"Don't be like that. I promise I'm not just some drunk. The only thing intoxicating me is you."

"You should learn to take no for an answer," Shalimar shot back, reaching to grab his chin and physically maneuver him out of her way. His eyes widened in fear and she felt her own eyes flash for a moment even as she finally got around him.

Unfortunately, Donna and the guy she'd been making eyes at - her date, presumably - were already gone. A quick check with the bartender told her that Donna and her beau had paid they guy's tab and immediately headed for the exit after a steamy kiss hello. Shalimar paid her own tab off - she'd stuck to water and soda after her first, and only, alcoholic beverage of the evening - and then headed for the door herself. Once outside, though, there was still no sign of Donna. So she went over the bouncer at the door.

"I think my friend just ditched me. Did you see a tall brunette pass by here just a few minutes ago?" She gave him a hopeful look, knowing he was probably more interested in the patrons headed into the club than the ones leaving. Especially the ones leaving voluntarily and clearly not drunk.

But he nodded and said, "yeah, she left with a guy driving a black Beamer. You need to head back in and call a ride?"

"No, I was supposed to be her ride. So nice of her to ditch me without a word." Shalimar smiled wanly at the bouncer. "Thanks, though." Then she headed for where she'd hidden the Helix, telling Adam in an undertone, "so we've got a problem with Donna..."

Shalimar had just finished changing into her pajamas when there came a knock at her bedroom door. Grabbing her dress from earlier off the bed, and a hanger, she opened the door and smiled to find Emma there.

"Come on in," she told the empath. "My frustration over Donna wasn't bugging you, was it?"

"Not at all," Emma replied, a warm smile on her face that made Shalimar's lingering bad mood disappear entirely.

There was just something about Emma that made it impossible for Shalimar to stay grumpy around her. It was like Emma was this... warm light that made Shalimar want nothing more than to bask in her presence. She'd tried to describe her reaction to Jesse right after Emma joined the team - curious to see if Jesse felt the same way... if it was some side effect of Emma's powers, maybe. He'd given her an amused look, though, and shook his head. He'd describe her as feeling warm and bubbly, certainly, but there was no urge to 'bask in her warmth'. And the way he'd echoed her words back at her had made Shalimar blush in uncharacteristic embarrassment. She hadn't even bothered to ask Adam about it afterwards.

"It's too bad our guest room is going to remain empty tonight, though. Did she say why she changed her mind?" Emma asked, wandering in to settle on the end of Shalimar's bed while Shalimar moved to the closet in order to put her dress away.

"Unfortunately no. I think it's probably cold feet. I can't really blame her for not wanting to give up her life here to start over somewhere else, but if it turns out Genomex is on to her..." It'd be bad news, not just for Donna but for their team. "I'm going to visit her at her apartment tomorrow morning, see if I can talk her around without her running off for a booty call."

Emma snorted in amusement. "Maybe I could come along? Even if she doesn't want to say why, I could get an impression of what's going on in her head. See if she's feeling over confident about her ability to hide her mutant status or if she's just afraid to start over some place new."

"She said something about Genomex only wanting new mutants, like that wasn't going to apply to her," Shalimar admitted, joining Emma on the bed. "I'm concerned she's sliding back into denial. I wouldn't think that'd be possible with how strong the instincts that come with being a feral mutant are, but..."

"Well, being an empath is hard to ignore, but I sure did try to play pretend at being normal for a long time," Emma filled in. "I could suss that out too, if it's what is holding Donna back."

Shalimar nodded. "And I'd certainly appreciate the back up. Thanks, Emma. We'll have to let Adam know you're coming too before we head out."

"Well, I really came in here to see if you wanted to watch a movie with me. I picked up a copy of Autumn in New York the last time we were out and I know the guy's will never watch it with me." Emma held up a DVD case hopefully.

"I'm game." Shalimar grabbed the case and hopped up, then gestured to the bed, "go ahead and get comfy. We can just watch it in here." A few button presses on the wall later had the tv and DVD player un-hidden - Adam certainly wanted them to have all the comforts he could give them to make up for the difficult jobs he tasked them with - and Shalimar was able to put the disc into drive and join Emma curled up against the pillows.

As the movie started, Emma snuggled up against Shalimar's side and warmth bloomed through her all over again. Hesitantly she wrapped an arm around Emma's shoulders and pulled her just that little bit closer. And if she wished she could have Emma with her like this every night, well...

No one but Shalimar needed to know.

Shalimar wakes up in stages.

At first all she can register are sleep fuzzed impressions like 'warm' and 'soft'. But as her brain inches slowly towards wakefulness, she processes other things. Like that there's another person sleeping in her arms, breathing softly against her neck. A person who smells like safety and home and hers. All hers.

There was a possessive heat curling inside Shalimar as her eyes flickered open to take in the sight of Emma, curled against her chest. They'd fallen asleep together, watching the movie. And, brain still sleep fuzzy, Shalimar's instincts were practically purring in response to Emma's closeness. A dangerous edge Shalimar hadn't dared approach when fully awake.

A precipice that if she teetered off of then it'd mean questioning everything about herself that Shalimar thought she knew was true. Again. And usually that scared her.

But in this moment, all Shalimar wanted was to pull Emma closer. To watch her face as she woke up. To...

To know what Emma's kisses were like, when she was warm and pliant from a good night's sleep.

To know what any of Emma's kisses were like.

And then Shalimar's thoughts catch up to her and she jolts awake, as though she's fallen. (And maybe she has.)

Emma grumbles in her sleep and buries her face into Shalimar's pillows, Shalimar herself huddled in a corner across the room. Face buried in her hands.

This can't be happening. She's not attracted to Emma and she most certainly doesn't want to kiss her.

Shalimar flees her own bedroom before she can think better of it.

She tries not to feel guilty about standing outside of Donna's apartment building, alone. Shalimar has no idea what she's going to tell Emma.

I'm sorry. I forgot... the words just don't seem adequate. And Emma will be able to tell what Shalimar's feeling... maybe sensing how mired in guilt and shame Shalimar feels will nudge Emma towards forgiving her. Shalimar's got no idea.

Shalimar had slunk back into her bedroom only after Emma had risen and left for her own room. And then Shalimar had hurried to the Helix to head into the city on her own, signaling Adam that she was on her way out. Alone.

Ringing the doorbell again, Shalimar sighed and gave up. Emma would have known if Donna was in the building. Probably. But Shalimar can't tell. Donna's apartment is too far away for Shalimar's senses to detect the presence of a fellow feral. "Adam," she says, "Donna's not here. Or she's not responding to the doorbell, anyway."

"Can you get into her apartment and see if she came back last night?" Adam asked.

"Her apartment's on the second floor with a balcony. Piece of cake," Shalimar told him, already heading around to the back of the building where Donna's apartment ought to be located. She'd looked up a map of the building, just in case they had to evac Donna in an emergency. And the lucky balcony ought to be...

"I'll have the others try to track down her date from last night. Just to be sure she's not still with him," Adam told her.

"Cool." Shalimar crouched and the leaped, feeling for a moment the pure exhilaration of just... flying through the air.

There were few things better than utilizing her abilities to their fullest. Adam had set up a parkour course for Shalimar, but it didn't quite live up to the thrill of running and jumping and twisting through the air in the real life urban jungle of a city. Shalimar latches onto the balcony railing and flips herself over it, landing on her feet maybe six inches away from the apartment door. She has to resist the urge to turn, pinpoint a new destination, and jump again. To keep going until she's breathless and halfway across the city... to keep going until she can't think of anything but the next building to climb, the next ledge to vault.

Until the quiet desires she'd felt that morning are entirely forgotten.

She does not keep going.

Shalimar tests the door knob and when it proves to be locked, she pulls a lock pick set out of her boot and gets to work. It's a cheap lock, so it's not long before her enhanced hearing picks up the soft snick of the tumblers unlocking. And then she's inside the apartment, which is very much not empty.

There's someone inside. Someone who isn't Donna. Feral, but not Donna.

She doesn't dare say anything to Adam. Even a single word would give away her position to the other feral mutant. She creeps down the hallway, frowning as her thoughts raced.

This couldn't be the man from the bar. Shalimar would have noticed the night before if he were a new mutant like them. The GSA maybe? They had plenty of 'tame' new mutants on the payroll, controlled through sub-dermal governors and a careful regimen of brainwashing.

There's a whisper in the air that makes Shalimar's instincts practically scream look out! and she's twirling around before she's even aware she's moving. Shalimar lands in a crouch, her eyes flashing as she inhales hard and grins. Her attacker is handsome, she'll give him that much. But he's not the fighter she is.

Shalimar laughs as she dodges his blows and when she leaps, they meet mid-air before she crashes down to the floor on top of him, pinning the man to the floor. He shoved her off and rolled away, his own eyes flashing at her in playful frustration.

She wants to pin him again. Wants to straddle his thighs and... there's an electric passion there between them. They can both feel it. A by product of them being two attractive ferals, no doubt, instinct screaming at them to forget everything else they're here for and just screw.

(And a bruising kiss from a male stranger was safer in so many ways than any gentle kiss that Emma could give her... She knows what she'd be getting into here and for all that it's dangerous - he's dangerous - this is still less terrifying than the ledge she'd metaphorically dangled off that morning, the one that sent her running away from her own room in fear...)

The fight takes on a heated, sexual edge. He pulls off her jacket and gives her a lascivious once over; she stomps her foot mockingly between his legs just to see that wide-eyed look every man gets when their manhood is threatened. He tried rolling away again, but Shalimar kicked him in the face - hard enough to bruise any normal human, but a feral would heal soon enough - and pinned him again, wild grin on her face.

"I'm not used to losing," the man said, going slack under her hold, "but I could get used to it with you."

"What are you doing in Donna's apartment?" Shalimar demanded, trying to ignore the way he shifted teasingly beneath her.

"I could ask the same of you," he replied, arching an eyebrow.

A loud knock at the door startled them, dragging them back to reality and out of the bubble that had seemingly formed from the narrowed focus of their fight. They both looked over at the door sharply, as if afraid someone was about to come in and catch them in a... compromising position.

"What's going on in there?! I've been getting complaints from the other tenants!" It was the building's super, presumably. "Open up, or I'll the police!"

Shalimar dismissed the woman and returned her attention back to the man beneath her.

"You got a name?" he asked her, meeting her eyes and licking his lips.

"Shalimar. You?"

"Richard." He tilted his head and let his hands come to rest on her shins. "So you're... a friend of Donna's?" he guessed.

"More or less. How do you know her?"

"We've got a standing appointment," Richard answered.

Shalimar looked over at his left hand, trying not to feel to disappointed. No ring on his finger and no tan line either, but that didn't mean... "so you're a married 'friend' of hers, huh?"

"No!" The vehemence of his denial snapped Shalimar's attention back to Richard's face. He blushed and shook his head, hard. "No, I'm not married. And it's not like that with me and Donna either. We're not... we are not involved. It wouldn't be... professional. I've been treating her."

"Treating her... for what?" Shalimar asked, earning a bright, beaming smile for having followed his meaning.

"Doctor-patient confidentiality. Sorry. She didn't show up this morning, so I came to check on her. And, since she gave me this," Richard pulled a key out of his pocket and held it up, "I didn't have to break in through the balcony like some people."

Shalimar rolled her eyes at him.

"Any idea where she is?" Richard asked, letting the teasing note drop from his voice.

Shalimar shook her head. "I don't know. Her stuff is still here and I guess she really didn't ever bother to pack after all. She was supposed to go with me last night, but she ditched me for a guy at a bar."

Richard sighed. "I knew she was planning on leaving town, but she wouldn't have left without the final treatment."

In the distance, there's a siren and Shalimar grimaced. "I can hear the police. We'd better scramble - I guess the super called the cops after all."

"My car's out front," Richard said, tone turning the observation into an offer.

Shalimar smiled regretfully. It might've been fun, to see what the good doctor had on offer. "My bike's out back. Come on, if we both head out the balcony we can miss the super and the cops." She rocks back on her heels and stands up, maybe putting on a bit of a show as she did.

Richard certainly appreciated the view. And Shalimar enjoyed the thrill it gave her to be wanted.

But their chance meeting couldn't exactly evolve into anything else at the moment. The sirens were getting louder. When their feet hit the pavement beneath Donna's balcony, he turned one way and she went another.