Authors Note: Sorry about his brief abscence keep getting distracted by the fires on the East coast of Australia(my country). If I have any readers from there please be safe and I pray these fires will stop soon. Now I still don't own anything in bold or the characters.
Can Lying be Good
The screen flickered to life once everyone was settled.
Thomas: For my next trick, I will transform myself into a very old man! The catch is that the trick takes about 60 years...
Everyone laughed.
[Sanders Sides theme music plays]
Thomas: WHAT IS UP EVERYBODY! Hope the year is going well for you so far! Mine has been nice... so far...up until I meSSED EVERYTHING UP!
"Uh oh what happened now?" Thomas muttered.
Patton: Why, what happened?
"Was he already their or did he appear?" Virgil asked suddenly squinting at the screen.
"Uh I don't know why?" Thomas asked.
"Well remember in the second part of the Patton's room episode where I was lightheaded from rising up I said that light sides rise up and dark sides appear. So if Patton just appeared there that's not Patton" Virgil answered.
Everyone thought upon that for a moment thinking of the implications of this mabe not being Patton.
The scree started up again distracting them from their thoughts though Virgil decided to stay vigilant of any behaviours that the onscreen Patton displayed.
Thomas: PAPA'S IN THE HOUSE!
Everyone laughed. Though not Viirgil who was to busy trying to watch onscreen Patton's behaviours.
Thomas: Uh, hey there Patton. I, uh... didn't see you rise up there- UM What'd you ask? What happened? Well, for lack of better words-
Virgil: He was a bad friend.
Roman: Would you stop saying that?!
Virgil: What? It's true. I tried to course correct but you wouldn't let me. Roman: (Overlapping) The situation was highly complicated...
Roman: There were many factors at stake-
Virgil: Whatever, you know you screwed it up-
Roman: -YOU ALWAYS DO THIS!
Thomas: Guys, guys! Settle down, please!
Patton: Guess who has ten fingers and is very confused? THIS GUY. [laughs] I'm silly like that!
Everyone laughed except Virgil.
"Patton's not wearing the cat hoodie but the old cardigan very suspicious" Virgil muttered side eyeing the two sides that haven't been introduced in the series yet though mainly Deceit.
Nobody heard Virgil's muttering or saw his glares towards the other two dark sides.
Virgil: I'm sure that Joan was also confused when they saw that Thomas' reserved seat was empty.
"Ooooh no" Thomas said blushing not looking at Joan.
Joan just looked amused that this episode is going to be a problem involving him.
Roman: JUST LET IT GO, CHARLIE FROWN! I'm sorry I called you Charlie Frown. It's just this senseless bickering never gets us anywhere!
Logan: On the contrary, bickering amongst ourselves is historically how we've resolved... ALL of Thomas' issues. Provided you have me there to help sift through the nonsense.
Everyone chuckled.
Patton: Oh good, Logan! Everyone's favorite character!
Virgil growled lowly and kept a close eye on Deceit now almost sure that this is him. Virgil decides he will hurt Deceit if he hurt Patton to do this.
Logan: Well that's... very kind of you, Patton.
Patton: Aww. [chuckles lightly]
Logan: And to ease your apparent confusion, I will review last night's proceedings, which occurred thusly: Thomas was having another mundane evening in, where he whiles away useful waking hours by consuming content he's already watched fifteen and a half times before.
Thomas: But, like, have you watched "The Office" bloopers?
Logan: As a matter of fact, I have watched it fifteen and a half times, because I AM A PART OF YOU.
Everyone laughed except Virgil.
Virgil: BUT, Thomas had forgotten that just a little while ago, he had told his best friend Joan that he would attend a staged reading of a play that Joan had worked so hard on.
Patton: You forgot?
Thomas: I mean... basically...
Roman: In his down time before the reading was to take place, Thomas was invited to hang out with this one particularly dashing fellow- which is a unique happenstance, let me tell you- and Thomas, sweet Thomas, INNOCENTLY acquiesced.
Everyone but Virgil chuckled.
Thomas: Yeah...
Patton: Well, you should have no trouble at all explaining that to them!
"Yeah Thomas you should have no trouble tell me about this" Joan grinned at his friend.
Thomas's other friends chuckled.
Virgil: BUT! Midway through hanging out with this dude, Thomas remembered where he was supposed to be- supporting his best friend Joan. We could have shown up during the intermission!
Thomas: As you can see, my anxiety started kicking in... but my hopes and dreams had something else to say.
Roman: This fella was so FLIPPING CUTE! I mean, who knows? He could've been the prince of your dreams, other than this Prince of your Dreams! It was worth it to stick around, and besides, you had missed the first act by that point. It was already too late!
Thomas: And so they continued to fight the whole rest of the night, and I never left... to go and support Joan!
Logan: Looking at it objectively- so you guys can sit this one out- would Joan have wanted you in attendance for only half of the reading?
Thomas: I don't know, it's just... being there for the sake of supporting them! And-and-and then this morning? This morning, they sent ONE text: "Where were you last night, 'F-word' face?" Look.
"I literally typed out f-word face. I'm pretty sure I am not unhappy with you" Joan smiled at his friend sitting beside him.
[dramatic thud]
Patton: *Gasp*
Everyone but Virgil laughed at Patton's reaction.
Thomas: I mean, what do I say? The truth is honestly so... bad.
Logan: Well the only alternative to the truth is a fabrication in order to ease their concerns. Ohhhh, that's what you're implying that we should do, isn't it?
Thomas: Maybe?
"Don't lie I would probably be angry at you if you tried to lie to me about why you didn't come" Joan answered.
Virgil: Lying is only gonna bring about more trouble, Thomas, you know this.
Roman: (Bratty tone) Then how would you describe all of the acting and performances he's ever done in his life? I mean, that was all acting, in a way, and that wasn't so bad, (mocking sounds)...
Everyone except Virgil chuckled at Roman's dramatics.
Virgil: ...Jeez.
Thomas: Well yeah, I mean I-I wouldn't want to say anything too ridiculous, but... I mean it's Joan! I just don't know how I could bring myself to lie to them.
Virgil: Patton, you're Thomas' Morality. What do you have to say about any of this?
Patton: Hmm. Well, I think there are many views on honesty that we can look at to try to help us out here. Let's look at Kant.
Thomas: Whoa! Good night, everybody!
Everyone laughed though Virgil is still exempt and his glaring harder at Deceit who has started to notice Virgil's glares and shifted in his seat.
Patton: No, Immanuel Kant. K-A-N-T! He was a 19th century German philosopher who believed you should never lie, no matter what. Because to lie to someone would be treating them as a means to YOUR end rather than their own person, with their own ends in mind.
Virgil: Listening, Roman?
Roman: Well, there goes the acting profession! I mean, never lying at all?
Everyone but Virgil chuckled.
Patton: Well, there's the thing. A dilemma was presented to Kant by French philosopher Benjamin Constant. Essentially, it was: what if a known murderer came to your house, asking where your friend was so they could kill them. Would you tell the truth then?
Thomas: NO, not Joan! Never! JOOOAAN!
Everyone laughed though Virgil just chuckled slightly still watching the screen Patton and Deceit.
Logan: He seems to like his friends.
Everyone chuckled.
Patton: Kant's response: Yeppers. You should still tell them the truth. Kant believed that you were not responsible for the actions of the murderer, and you should just keep your hands clean.
Virgil: Oof.
Roman: Yeah, doesn't sound great, huh? Virge?
Logan: Wow Patton, referencing famous philosophers? I'm impressed.
Patton: Well, I'm Morality. I gotta know my stuff.
Virgil: "Impressed" isn't the word I'd used.
"What's going on there Virge" asked Talyn.
"Um probably cottoning on to the fact that his behaviour is off and trying to think if it could be something bad or if he is just sad and faking happy again. I will probabl keep an eye on him throughout the episode" Virgil answered them.
"Oh ok" Talyn muttered as they watched Virgil go back to continue glaring at Deceit. Confused they decided to think upon it and keep an eye on the situation.
Patton: The point is, many people think Kant is just a bit idealistic.
Thomas: *voice cracking* The death of my friend is NOT ideal.
Everyone chuckled but not Virgil and Talyn quickly stopped when they noticed his odd behaviour. Nudging Joan they nodded over to Virgil to see what they could make of the situation.
Patton: So you think Kant is wrong?
Thomas: Yeah!
Roman: Therefore, it's okay to bend the truth whenever it's appropriate.
Virgil: And totally okay to violate the trust of your close friend.
Everyone chuckled about Virgil had phrased that except Virgil though he did smirk quickly. Talyn and Joan looked at each other and decided if the behaviour continued much longer they would bring this to Thomas's attention.
Roman: Oh, don't be dramatic. That's my job. Lying could mean the (To the tune of "Hannah Montana") best of both worlds! (Still singing) So Joan won't feel low because we weren't at their show!
Virgil: Patton, I thought you said lying was wrong.
Patton: Well, it's all about priorities, friendo. What's more important to us? Joan's feelings? Or honesty?
For Virgil the use of 'friendo' confirmed that this wasn't Patton on screen and was most likely Deceit. He glared harder at Deceit and cracked his knuckles.
Logan: Ah, that's bordering on what's known as "moral particularism". See, I know things too.
"Lgan you shouldn't feel jealous or threatened when another side shows that they are smart because each of you are a smart in your own ways" Lilly smiled down to the logical side.
Thomas: Okay, but I just don't know if I can lie to Joan.
Logan: Of course you can. You simply speak as you normally would, except rather than communicating information or an idea- let me know if I lose you- you communicate a falsehood.
Everyone laughed but not Virgil. Joan and Talyn also stopped when they noticed Virgil was still glaring at Deceit.
Thomas: No, I- I understand that I can functionally lie. I just don't think that I can lie to Joan without feeling like a big jerk.
Roman as Joan: Maybe you just need some practice.
Thomas: JOAN, DON'T HATE ME!
Everyone laughed. Again except for Virgil who was still glaring at Deceit if looks could kill Deceit would be six foot under by now. Joan seeing the continue behaviour nudged Thomas and nodded towards Virgil. Thomas looked over and saw he was glaring at Deceit.
"How long has he been doing that?" whispered Thomas.
"Only a few minutes but he hasn't laughed or chuckled with everyone else" Joan whispered back.
"If it continues I will bring it up" Thomas whispered to Joan who nodded and sat back in his chair.
Roman: Sorry, it's still me-(Roman's voice) Prince Roman. (Joan's voice) I just thought maybe we could try out lying to Joan to see how it feels. I mean, what the heck did we establish this whole shape-shifting for if we're never going to use it?
Thomas: No! That's not a plan. You're not Joan! I don't know how they'd react and I'd be lying to their face several times? That's just a punishment.
Virgil: Well, if you're considering lying to Joan, maybe you deserve to be punished.
Everyone chuckled except, you guessed it, Virgil. Thomas frowned slightly as he watched Virgil out the corner of his eye. Virgil seemed very fixated on Deceit at all times even when he glanced towards the screen or s he slowly reached and grabbed Patton's hand.
Thomas: Mm.
Logan: Thomas has a point. If we truly are considering distorting Joan's reality as a means to our end, we might need a strategy.
Thomas: Would you stop phrasing it that way?!
Everyone chuckled except Virgil. Thomas kept a close eye on his anxious side.
Logan: That is literally what is happening here, Thomas. DWI.
Roman: Driving while intoxicated.
Logan: No... "Deal With It".
Patton: Well, how about we work out that strategy, huh? You know, we got a good old Joan look-a-like here so all we gotta do is set the stage.
Roman: The? That's it! No wait- Stage? That's it!
Thomas: What's it?
Roman: All the world's a stage, Thomas! So if lying truly is no more than acting... then we shall play the part.
"Oooh a mind palace theatre" Valerie grinned.
Roman as Joan, rapping: Lights up, on Roman disguised as Joan inside your brain I wake up, and I gotta try to train my guy to lie to Jane!
Thomas: Stop! Wait, Jane?
Roman: Joan didn't rhyme there.
Everyone laughed. Except Virgil.
Roman: Welcome to the Mind Palace Theater, Thomas! Starring me- Roman- for one night (Joan voice) Joan-ly.
Thomas: Wait, Hugh Jackman is in this?!
Roman: No, his understudy is going on tonight.
Thomas: Who's his understudy?
Roman: MEEEEE!
Everyone chuckled at Roman's atics except of course Virgil who just gave a small smile with a slight blush.
Thomas: Of course.
Roman: Tonight I bring you a play in four acts!
Thomas: Four? That's excessive.
Roman: There will be a fifteen-minute intermission ...or maybe just like three fifteen-second ads that pop up in the middle of the video? Just go with it. But! Let's not forget all of the people making this possible. Logan! Our stage manager SLASH! Drama turd.
Logan: The correct pronunciation is drama turG. The researcher of the plays and operas being put on.
Roman: That's why you got the job, buddy. Also! Can't forget our awesome hardworking techie, Virgil! Our utterly delightful go-between for the operation of the lights, the set, the costumes, the props, the actors-
Virgil: So many things!
Everyone chuckled at onscreen Virgil's reaction. Virgil offscreen continued to glare at Deceit but also felt his anxiety building again.
Roman: And Patton is our amazing-
Patton: Director!
Roman: What? No, I'm the actor, director, AND writer. I'm basically Orson Welles.
Patton: Aww, (In the style of Roger Rabbit) Please? Right, you know how I love cartoons?
Thomas: Let him be director.
Roman: We need an audience, Thomas! Theatre is literally not theatre without an audience to laugh when I say something funny and clap when I do something awesome!
Thomas: You know he'll still do those things. Come on.
Roman: Fine! Patton, you're the director.
Patton: Yay! (Giggles)
Everyone chuckeld except Virgil who glared down a now unconcofortable Deceit.
Roman: Act One!
Logan: I'm not even on the- stage yet. I'm not even on the stage!
Roman: (Sing-song) Thoooomaaaass! It's Mother's Day, and I'm wondering where my little gifty-wifty is from my cutie oopsy-poopsy pants. Emphasis on the "oopsy", because you were a mistake.
Everyone was laughing except Virgil. It took ten minutes for everone else to calm down though Remus was spinning so fast he was starting to feel nauseous so he stopped and was sitting there giggling to himself.
Thomas: I have several questions here. Uh-um... *English accent* Are you my mummy?
Logan: "Doctor Who" reference? Fantastic.
Everyone chuckled and Virgil sort of smiled but still kept his gaze to the threat in the room.
Thomas: Why are you playing her like that? You know my mom. You know her.
Roman: It's a hypothetical scenario, Thomas, just go along with it.
Thomas: (Sighs) Fine.
Roman: Thomas! Did you get me a gift for my third-favorite holiday? My first being Groundhog Day, my second being my birthday?
Everyone chuckled at the acting and at Virgil's facial reactions to the scene on the stage. Virgil just kept looking at the threat in the room.
Thomas: Uhh... Did I get her a gift?
Logan: No.
Thomas: I didn't.
Roman: WHAT?!
Thomas: Uh... sorry.
Roman: You don't love me!
Thomas: No! That-
Roman: Shut up! You were a mistake and I hereby disown you as my son!
"What!" everyone shouted. Virgil even looked away from Deceit temporarily to gaze in shock at the screen his breathing hitching slightly as his anxiety skyrocketed.
Patton: And scene! Roman, that was a beautiful portrayal of a mother betrayed by her son!
Roman: Omigosh thank you, thank you so much! I was afraid I went a little too method with it?
Patton: No! It was perfect. Thomas, I didn't love your approach to the character.
Virgil growled at the misrepresentaion of his father figure.
Thomas: Patton...
Patton: I mean, that sure coulda gone better, huh, guys? Yeah?
Thomas: Okay, but that's not actually what would happen.
Roman: Oh, I- I'm sorry Thomas, do you know how any and all future events will play out, should they come to pass?
Thomas: Well, obviously, I don't, but I-
Roman: Logan, does Thomas have that information?
Logan: No, he doesn't.
Roman: Didn't think so. All right, let's run it again from the top, with more feeling this time!
Virgil: I thought Patton was the director.
"Virgil standing up for Patton once again" Terence grinned. Virgil continued his watch of the threat in the viewng room.
Roman: Ah, right right right. (Whispers) Patton! Could you tell us to run it again from the top with more feeling this time?
Patton: Oh! Sure. Let's run it again from the to-
Roman: Ohhh, how I adore Mother's Day. It's the finest day in May! Oh! My beautiful son, I didn't see you there. Have you come bearing Mother's Day gifts?
Thomas: Oh! Um... Agh! Darn. Um... I was on my way here, to get you your gift, but, uh, it got lost.
Roman: Oh, goodness, how?
Thomas: W-uh... Uh- ooh! A homeless lady... Um... ate it.
Virgil: What?
Roman: What? Why?
Everyone chuckled. Except Virgil who just smiled tightly.
Thomas: I uh... left it on a free food counter, like a doofus and, uh, she mistook it for a free food sample and ate it.
Roman: Oh, poor thing, was she hungry?
Thomas: VERY hungry! That's why I bought her lunch! Uh, we exchanged information and she told me she would call me on a payphone when the gift later, um... resurfaces.
Virgil: What the-?
Everyone chuckled except Virgil. Who started cycling through his options about the amount of anxiety he was currently experiencing. He really didn't want to deage again so soon after the last time so he looked at his other options and grimaced they were all not good.
Roman: No thank you then! I don't want it anymore. But! It's the thought that counts. I love you.
Patton: And SCENE. Brilliant!
Thomas and Virgil: Really?
Patton: Logan, can you tell us more about that scene?
Logan: That was a series of lies of commission, which is when the liar tells the subject an unmitigated falsehood. Presenting fiction as fact.
Everyone chuckled except for Virgil.
Roman: Fiction! Like a heartwarming fairy tale!
Patton: Sure! And, even if your mom still wanted the gift, you at the very least bought yourself some time. AND, beyond that, you made yourself out to be an altruist!
Roman: Yeah! Except, if we go that route, we should make a point to actually feed the homeless later.
Patton: Totally. And, most importantly, you spared your mom's feelings. Mm!
Thomas: Silver lining.
Virgil: But what if the mom finds out that he lied?
Logan: Well, based on Roman's characterization, it's likely that some sort of betrayal-motivated disownment would take place.
Virgil: WHAT?!
Everyone chuckled at the interactions on the screen except for Virgil. Thomas was really starting to worry about what could be going through his head.
Patton: Act Two!
Roman: Goshdarnit Sanders, where were you for your Sunday shift?!
Thomas: What's going on here?
Roman: I'm your boss!
Thomas: No, I mean like what is the scene? What is happening?
Patton: You lied to get off work this past Sunday.
Thomas: Wait, I already lied? I don't have a choice in the matter?
Roman: No, that's in the past.
Patton: You did it because your boyfriend really wanted to spend the day with you!
Thomas: Boyfriend? What boyfriend? How many lies are we telling here?
Everyone laughed except Virgil.
Patton: Action! That's not just for movies.
Everyone chuckled except Virgil.
Roman: Sanders! Where were ya on Sunday? We were slammed because you weren't there! I'm gonna start callin' you Thomas Slammeders!
Virgil: Booo.
Everyone started chuckling at onscreen Virgil's reaction to Roman's acting. Except Virgil.
T: Hey, Mr. Doodooface-McGee- which is your actual legal surname!
Roman: No-
Thomas: "Yes, and"
Everyone chuckled except Virgil.
Thomas: - I should really come clean. My boyfriend wanted to spend more time with me, so I lied in order to have a free day to share with him.
Roman: Whaat? You're lazy AND you're gay?! You're fired!
Patton: Scene!
Thomas: What the heck was that?
Roman: You don't know if your boss is a homophobe!
Thomas: I wouldn't've wanted to work there anyway! If he hadn't fired me, I would've quit!
Patton: Noted. Let's run it again, except this time the boss isn't a homophobe?
Roman: Not a homophobe? Awesome.
Patton: And Thomas? Try not to get fired.
Roman: Where were ya on Sunday, Thomas? You better have a good excuse, or I'll fire you...
Thomas: Look, Mr. Doodooface, I have worked here, at this job, selling Hot Topic merch,
Roman: No-
Thomas: "Yes, and"!
Virgil: Nice.
Everyone chuckled at the interactions of the characters onscreen except for Virgil.
Thomas: For FOUR years now! You know that if I miss a day of work... it's probably for a valid reason.
Roman: Hm. Good for you, Sanders! Looks like you finally grew a spine! I suppose you're right. Just don't make a habit out of it! Like your weird habit of gluing your butt cheeks together.
Everyone burst into laughter. Virgil chuckled but nervously still not taking his eyes away from Deceit.
Thomas: What?
Roman: "Yes, and"!
Patton: Scene!
Roman: Well done! I mean, I almost lost character, because the LIGHTS were too BRIGHT!
Virgil: I can only be so many places at once, dude!
Everyone chuckled except for Virgil. Thomas was growing increasingly worried for him.
Patton: Dramaturg, any notes?
Logan: Thomas, that technique you used right there was called a character lie. It is the act of covering up a truth by talking about oneself in order to throw off suspicion. By relying solely on your reputation, you completely evaded the matter at hand.
Thomas: Oh, cool.
Roman: Um... would you like to say anything, Patton?
Patton: High marks here! You all are really putting on a show. Act three!
(Camera shutter sound)
Thomas: Ah! Why?!
(Sound of vase breaking)
Roman: BROOOOOOOO! No effin' way, dude! Who broke this vase? Who broke this vase? Seriously, guys. Everyone who's here at my awesome party... this huge crowd of people that's definitely here right now...
Virgil: (Mumbling) Oh my go-
Everyone was laughing really hard at Roman's over acting and Virgils reaction to that. Virgil kept his eyes on Deceit but his breathing was becoming a little harsher again.
Roman: Somebody broke my grandma's vase. And that was the last thing she gave to me... before she died! I swear to all things football and/or skateboarding that I will find you. Don't make me cry these incredibly manly tears! Anyone can speak up here, and be a part of this scene. Especially those of us who aren't imagined, and are actually here on the stage.
Virgil: (Sighs)
Roman: Like, not the people who are imagined to be here through means of suspension of disbelief.
Logan: I do not understand theatre.
Everyone chuckled except Virgil.
Roman: Very well, I shall continue searching for the culprit in the next room! Stephanie, you wanna bake some cookies?
Everyone chuckled except for Virgil who was still glaring at Deceit.
Patton: Aaand scene!
Roman: Thomas, what was that?
Thomas: (Whispering) I don't- I don't know. I-
Roman: (Overlapping) I was giving you acting GOLD, and you were giving me NOTHING! Was it because I didn't use the red Solo cup, I mean, I thought it was cliché, but if it took you out of the moment-
Logan: Actually, that was an acceptable version of what is known as a lie of omission. Withholding important information that would help to elucidate the truth.
Roman: But he didn't say anything! Lies of omission are like, "I'm gonna say some things, I'm gonna leave something out. Say some things, leave something out."
Logan: Well, anything may have been important information, so, technically that's what he did. Ergo, valid technique.
Thomas: Interesting...
Roman: Uggghh...
Virgil: Something wrong?
Roman: I don't know, it's just, you know, maybe some of the sceneplay is making me feel a little icky.
Thomas: Wh- I thought you were fine with all of this!
Roman: I! Am! I'm just- I'm thinking about Patton! All of this definitely has to be a little bit strenuous on him, isn't that right Patton?
Patton: All right guys, it all comes down to this. You've put on one heart-stopping act after another, now, WOW me in this fourth act!
Virgil growled a little more loudly this time causing Patton and Thomas to hear him. Seeing an opportunity to discuss whatever was causing Virgil's apparent distress Thomas turned to him and asked.
"Is something wrong Virge?"
"Uh, it's just that Patton on the screen isn't really Patton I have a feeling it is Deceit! Their have been little things like the wrong cardigan and little mannerisms that the Patton onscreen has done which tells me this definetly isn't actually Patton. And I hate to see him being misrepresented so badly" Virgil ranted.
Everyone thoought about what they had seen of Patton so far onscreen and had to agree something was up.
"Is that the only thing bothering you kiddo?" asked Patton.
"No if that isn't you where is the real you?" Virgil asked looking to Patton with wide eyes.
Patton saw that there were tears glistening in Virgils eye but that he wasn't letting them fall.
"Awww kiddo. It's going to be alright remember we can change this in the future. Take precautions so it won't happen" Patton spoke calmly trying to reassure Virgil.
Virgil just nodded mechanically and threw another glare at Deceit before sitting back, closing his eyes and thinking on his options to help him calm down.
"Also Deceit if this is you. You don't need to impersonate another side to come talk to me. It isn't nice"
Deceit just nodded his head while thinking upon everything.
Roman: *sighs* Ah! I know. This one should be a piece of cake. Mista Thomas, whewe do babies come fwom?
Everyone laughed though it was a little tight. Virgil still isn't laughing along.
Thomas: Whoa! No, no. We are NOT doing this one.
Roman: Wh- adults do this all the time!
Thomas: We are not going there! No-
Patton: Yeah, everyone knows where babies come from. Messenger falcons.
"I woulda said storks" Patton said with a grim smile which looked weird on him.
Roman: Well, all right. Okay. I w- I wasn't feeling in character anyway because I don't have my SIPPY CUP!
Virgil: (Whispering) I don't know where it is!
Roman: (Overlapping) WHERE IS MY SIPPY CUP, tech?
Virgil: It was- it was on the prop table, did you move it?
Roman: No, I did not move it! I have been acting this whole time, when would I have had time to move it?!
Logan: Virge, hurry!
Virgil: Stall for time!
Patton: What is happening back there?
Virgil: It was in the green room, what was it doing in there?
Roman: Oh, that's right, I did move it. [chuckles] I'm so silly. I'm so silly. Oh...
Virgil: *huffs*
Everyone laughed though Virigil didn't he let the change happen and grimaced slightly when he had to crawl over his blankets so that he could see. Getting a little bored he climbed onto the backrest and jumped across a few of the recliners stealthly. He sat perched on the back of Deceits chair waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
Roman: Thank you. Mista Thomas, whewe is my pet hamsta?
Thomas: Oh, no, it's not-?
Patton: (Decapitation sound)
"Oh my!" Patton whimpered. Logan reached over and held his boyfriends hand in comfort. Patton shot him a smile.
Thomas: Ohh, great. Okay- Umm... well, Little...Ed.
Roman: That's my name, don't weaw it out!
Thomas: Ohhkay. Um... Your hamster...
Roman: Yes, what happened to my cute, fwuffy, impossible not to wuv onwy fwend in da wowwd, who awso happens to be my pet hamsta, Siw Squiggles da Bwave!
Everyone chuckled.
Thomas: Jeez! Um... Squiggles... Um... went away! to um, a lovely little... hamster hotel!
Roman: Why?
Thomas: Ooh, uh, because... W- um, he didn't feel the same way about you.
Everyone burst into laughter and it took them twenty minutes to calm down. Nobody could hear Virgil's laughter.
Roman: WHAT?!
Patton: Okay, let's stop there. Thomas, let's try not to make the child cry?
Thomas: But this is, like, really sad, and I'm such a sucker for like, Joan's little pouty face...
Patton: Try something other than a lie of commission.
Thomas: Wouldn't that have just been like a little white lie?
Patton: Go again!
Thomas: Look, Ed, um... You know me! I'm your, like, what, uh... I don't know, brother?
Logan: Who he calls "Mr. Thomas"? I don't-
Thomas: Would I let anything bad happen to your hamster?
Roman: So whewe is he?
Thomas: Y- you know me!
Patton: Stopping again. Okay, Thomas? I didn't believe any of that.
Thomas: Character lies are hard to implement in this situation!
Roman: It really isn't simple, Patton!
Everyone was laughing so hard. Including Virgil though no one had noticed yet except Remus who grinned and started giggling wishing he could pick Virgil up the little cutie.
Patton: Let's try it from the top again!
Roman: Wiww you pwease teww me what happened to my fuwwy, squishy, beautifuw, fwagiwe but deaw companion Sir Squiggwes? Da Bwave?
Thomas: Hnuuuuuhhhh...! *cries*
Everyone laughs hard. Remus decided to stand up on his recliner and rock it which nearly ahd him falling off alot.
Patton: End scene.
Thomas: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I- that scenario shoulda been a little bit easier, for me to lie, so I could... protect the kid, but... this is all just making me feel a little weird.
Roman: Sadly, I have to agree, I... This whole night has been a fiasco. It's curtains, for sure!
Virgil: Curtains?
Roman: No! No, I didn't- Oh, come on... whatever. Fine, end it now. *sighs* Well... All's well that ends well, I suppose.
Everyone chuckled.
Thomas: That did not end well.
Roman: Could you like not? Like... rub it in? Because sure, I'll admit it: It did not end well!
Logan: I thought it went well.
Virgil: You did?
Logan: Well, I really don't know. Every theatrical performance is the same to me. Whether it's "The Lion King" or "The Wiz",/ You can consider me one of Les Mis.
Roman: Gah, you were attacking theatre but that was a strong couplet.
Everyone chuckled.
Logan: Thank you.
Roman: I have to know, was that trochaic octameter?
Logan: Iambic pentameter.
Roman: Classic.
Patton: Come on guys, let's not give up now! Thomas- you don't want to make Joan mad at you, do you?
Thomas: No, I don't. But... I feel like I would be mad. Or... disappointed. In myself. If I were to lie to them about this.
Patton: You won't if it's done correctly! Right, Roman?
Roman: I don't know, I... I think Thomas is right. When people go to see a show, they know that it's just a show!
Logan: Yes! Whenever a person purchases a ticket to a show, there's an unspoken agreement between that person and the showrunners that what they're seeing isn't actually happening before them. For example, Ian McKellen didn't actually die at the end of "MacBeth".
Roman: Thank goodness! Oh, my goodness, that man... he shall not pass.
Everyone chuckled.
Patton: Virgil, buddy, uh I know you weren't too keen on it at first, but come on! Could you stand to lose the support of one of Thomas' friends?
Virgil: Well yeah, Thomas' friends make me feel more at ease... But Thomas lying would make me just as uneasy. And anyone who doesn't understand that should just shut up!
Thomas: Whoa now.
"Virgil is being abit harsh" Terence spoke up. Everyone agreed but before they could turn to the side in question the screen continued.
Patton: Virgil! It's me! Aren't we friends?
Virgil: I'm not so sure we are.
Patton: Thomas! I know this sounds backwards, but sometimes... lying is good!
Roman: Mm, but you've said before-
Patton: I know what I said! It doesn't matter. In this situation, it is the right thing to do... Period.
"Yeah that is definetly not me" Patton spoke up.
Deceit felt some excitement sure now he was about to show up in the series.
Thomas: Patton, no.
Patton: YES!
Thomas: You're wrong on this one, buddy. I think what I need to do is accept the true course of action. If I've made a mistake, it's better for me to own up to it. I'm thankful that you all helped to guide me through these other options, because it helped me to arrive at this conclusion. I need to tell the truth here. And it might... hurt to do that. But... Whatever happens happens.
Patton: Wow, I'm so proud of you Thomas. You're so mature.
"Ok that was really weird looking like Patton and sounding like that" Thomas spoke up.
Everyone agreed. Virgil started getting ready to pounce.
Thomas: Thank... you?
Virgil: I knew something smelled fishy here...
Logan: I also smell it. I told Thomas to take the trash out.
Virgil: No, I, it does smell bad, but I was talking about Patton.
Everyone chuckled.
Logan: Oh oh oh, you mean how he's clearly- (muffled speech)
"Well that can't be good" Lilly spoke up looking a little grim.
Roman: Oooh I get it now...
Thomas: I don't! What is happening?!
Roman: You have to give us permission first...
Virgil: There are sides to everyone that they'd prefer not to know about. But you are the boss, Thomas. Any information you want to know, you can know. You just... have to be open to hearing it.
Roman: In other words, would you like to learn something new about yourself, Thomas?
Thomas: I don't... know...
He Who Disguised as Patton: Oooh, I don't know either, Thomas! You might not like what you find.
Thomas: (Determined huff) Fine! Tell me!
Logan: (Exhale) DECEIT!
[mysterious music]
Thomas: What?! Deceit?
"Ooh Virgil looks pissed" Valerie spoke up.
Deceit: Who's she? Never heard of her.
Virgil took the opportunity to pounce sinking his claws into Deceit's back when he landed upo him.
Deceit stood up yelling in pain and tried to shake whatever was on him off.
Everyone else (except Remus) couldn't see anything on him and were confused at Deceits actions. Remus was laughing manically.
Finally Deceit managed to get ahold of the thing upon his back and yank it off him throwing it away from his.
Remus dived and caught the Virgil before he hit either the floor or a wall.
Everyone stared at the little thing in Remus's hands. Everyhting was silent for 10 minutes as everyone processed what they were seeing and Deceit got his breathe back.
Remus started storking Virgil's back to calm his shaking.
Suddenly.
"Awwwww Kitty!" Patton cooed running over and picking up the small black cat and hugging it to his chest.
"Patton put the cat down you are allergic to cats" Logan spoke to his boyfriend comming over and closley observing the black feline.
"No" Patton giggled hugging the small feline to his chest.
"You are going to suffer later" Logan answered.
"It's an adorable way to suffer" Patton grinned.
Everyone crowded around the small Feline except Deceit who glared at Virgil.
"What breed is it Logie?" Patton asked.
While everyone else tried not to laugh at the nickname Logan straightened his tie and adjusted his glasses.
"Well it appears to be a small species of feline known as the Geoffroy Cat. This breed is actually a wild animal and though it is small is under the big cat heading as in not a pet" Logan answered.
"It's cute" Talyn agreed picking it up outta Patton's arms and checking to see what gender the feline was.
"It's male" Talyn spoke up.
"How did it get in here?" Thomas asked.
Deceit just sat watching the others and marvelled and face palmed at their cluelessness while Remus just laughed so hard he was on the floor.
"What do you think Virgil?" Thomas asked looking around for his anxious side. Not finding him he grew concerned.
"Where's Virgil?" he asked.
Remus was still laughing but Deceit who had got up and moved over to a wall began banging his head on the wall.
"What? Deceit stop banging your head on that wall and come and sit down" Thomas asked the two sides.
Remus got up and grabbed the Virgil-cat and held it up. Like Rafiki did to Simba in The Lion King.
Virgil-cat began to squirm trying to get put down.
"I present to you Virgil the cat" Remus said dramatically.
"What!" everyone else shouted.
"Virgil can turn into a cat" Remus said simply.
"When will he turn back" Thomas asked looking at Virgil with amazement quickly grabbing him and holding him in a more comfortable position.
"Whenever he's ready" Remus giggled jumping onto his recliner.
"Well we better continue" Terence said trying to get everyone to finish the episode.
Everyone sat back in their seat. Thomas taking Virgil with him and sitting down with Virgil in his arms. Virgil was very comfortable.
Roman: Oh, I hate this guy and his creepy... snake face! However, he is very kind.
Deceit: (Sarcastically) Love the new outfit, Roman.
Roman: Thank you!
Logan: N-
Everyone chuckled.
Deceit: And Virgil, I adore the more intense eyeshadow. It totally doesn't make you look like a raccoon.
Virgil: Nice gloves. Did you just finish washing some dishes?
Deceit: Yes.
Everyone laughed at the interaction between Deceit and Virgil.
Thomas: Why didn't I know about him until now?
Virgil: He... had you convinced you're an honest person.
Thomas: But I... AM an honest person.
Deceit: Oh, you are, Thomas. You are a good person. Everybody says so.
Logan: Nobody's a completely honest person.
Thomas: I... try to be.
Logan: THAT'S a more honest statement. Given all the variations of dishonesty- lies of omission, lies of commission, et cetera- lies can be fairly difficult to avoid. According to Pamela Meyer, author of "Liespotting", on any given day, you may be lied to between ten to two hundred times. She's also stated that strangers lie three times within the first ten minutes of meeting each other! An average unmarried couple? Lies to one other in one out of every three interactions. Very few people are always honest one hundred percent of the time. They're a very rare breed.
Thomas: So, what, he made me think I'm a completely honest person so I didn't know he existed?!
Logan: You place distance between who you are and the lies that you tell. He is responsible for your doing so.
Thomas: Why didn't you guys tell me?
Roman: If you really don't want to know something, he... can keep our mouths shut.
Thomas: I can't believe that I fooled myself like that.
Logan: You don't WANT to believe it. THAT'S where his power comes from. Things that you want to believe. Things that you wish were true. And things that you wish weren't.
Deceit: What you don't know can't hurt you.
Logan: FALSEHOOD. Knowledge is an incomparably valuable multi-purpose tool that is instrumental in identifying and solving any problem! If you're worried about getting hurt, then seek knowledge. It is our greatest weapon and our greatest defense.
Thomas: Wow, Logan, that's... That was really lovely. And speaking of seeking knowledge, WHERE IS PATTON?!
Roman: HOW DARE YOU STAND WHERE HE STOOD?!
Everyone laughed. Virgil liked the feel of the vibrations of Thomas's laughter it really helped to calm him down.
Deceit: (Evil laugh) You foolish dummy. I am, and always HAVE BEEN, Patton. (Evil laugh)
Thomas: WHAT?!
Roman: ... No.
Deceit: You have no morality.
Thomas: (Panicked noises)
Logan: He's... he's lying.
Everyone chuckled at the interzactions on the screen.
Deceit: Sorry to break it to you, but-
Patton: Ow!
Deceit: Oh-
Patton: Oh, my head...
Deceit: Oh, that hurt-
Patton: Agh, okay...
Deceeit: I mean, it didn't hurt me. At all. Ow!
Patton: Hey! *laughs* Um... You're in my spot.
Everyone was laughing at Patton's real intro into the epsiode. Virgil started to purr at seeing that the Patton onscreen was unharmed. Thomas glanced down slightly amused at the purring.
Thomas: PATTON!
"Aww look how happy Virgil is to see me" Patton squealed. Virgils ears flattened at the loud noise.
Deceit: Well, this all went according to plan...
Logan: Surely it didn't.
Everyone chuckled.
Roman: Get out of here! Jack the Fibber.
Deceit: All right. But you've seen the last of me...
Patton: Bye.
Everyone chuckled at Pattton's farewell to Deceit.
Thomas: Patton, I am so glad that you're back!
Patton: So glad that my back is what? (Laughing) Finish your sentences, Thomas.
Everyone chuckled. Virgil hadn't stopped purring.
Roman: Wait, how do we know this is the real Patton? Maybe this is another one of Deceit's tricks!
Virgil: Oh, my- enough twists.
Thomas: Uh, quick- how do you feel about lying?
Patton: It's wrong!-
Logan: Exactly what Deceit would say...
"The sherlock hat is back yes" Lilly grinned.
Patton: -with some rare exceptions! Uh, someone once posed a dilemma to Plato. What if a known murderer came to your house, and-
Thomas: Yep, we've already been over this.
Logan: Yes, and that was Kant.
Patton: Whoa! Good night everybody.
Everybody laughed.
Logan: No... Immanuel Kant. K-A-N-T.
Patton: Wow, I "Kant" believe you're doubting me on this. (Laughs) I know my Play-Doh. I've been eating it since I was, like, five.
Logan: Eating... Plato...? Oh, goodness. Are you talking about the non-toxic modeling compound?
Patton: Is there any other kind?
Everyone was laughing hard and it took twenty minutes to calm down enough for the screen could continue.
Virgil: That's for playing, not eating!
"Aawww love it when Virgil is worried for Patton" Talyn grinned.
Everyone agreed. Virgil ducked his head into Thomas's shirt. Thomas just chuckled and scratched his head.
Patton: Mama told me to never play with my food.
Roman: Definitely Patton.
Everyone chuckled.
Thomas: (Sighs) I'm still reeling from all of this.
Patton: I'm surprised I wasn't summoned earlier! I mean, here y'all are, havin' a big ol' "T" party without me!
Thomas: Well I thought you were here all along! Guys... Deceit told me that I was a good person. Does that mean I was lying to myself? Am I... Am I actually a bad person?
Patton: You know, kiddo, I don't think you are. I think maybe in that moment you honestly believed you were a bad person.
Logan: But belief doesn't always translate to reality.
Thomas: Thanks, guys.
Logan: Also the concepts of good and bad are arguably meaningless, because we can assign ANY preferred characteristics to either-
Virgil: Not a good time, Logan.
Everyone looked happy that Virgil could curb Logan when he gets abit over excited.
Logan: Okay, sor- stop..
Roman: Oh! And. And and! You decided to tell the truth even before Deceit was unmasked like a friggin'... Scooby-Doo villain.
Thomas: Guess that was the real Patton shining through.
Patton: Shining through? But I'm not a sun. I'm a dad!
Logan: Oho... Maybe Deceit wasn't so bad.
Everyone laughed at that.
Patton: Kiddo, simply put, Deceit is an inner coach that acts with the one intention of self-preservation.
"Exactly their are moments when one may have to lie whether to not hurt anothers feeling or to save yours or anothers life" Lilly grinned.
Thomas: Well, this time around I'm gonna tune out that inner coach and... set things right. But, before I do, um... one more question. Are there any other Sides that Deceit has hidden away from me?
Patton: ... Yes.
"Ohhhh me! Me! He's hiding me still" Remus said giggling. The others all looked at Remus amused.
Roman: The Dark Sides.
Thomas: Well that's... not the answer that I wanted, in full honesty.
Roman: I made that name up. It's pretty cool, right?
Everyone chuckled.
Thomas: Nice and foreboding, thank you.
Everyone laughed again.
Logan: Well, best of luck with Joan. Or as they say in the theatre... fracture a femur.
Virgil: What?
Logan: The actual saying is "Break a leg," but I improved it.
Virgil: I hate both of those equally.
Logan: Well...
Everyone laughed at the byplay between Virgil and Logan.
Roman: Patton, never stray too far! Deceit really had me doing his bidding today! Playing into my love of theatre and my love of getting what I want? Ugh! I feel so used!
Patton: Aww, I'll always be here, Roman! But even so, you enjoy those knights and fantastic heroes, don't ya?
Roman: Oh, do I!
Patton: Well... what would they do?
Roman: Ughhh... Face any and every challenge with courage and honesty...
Patton: That's the spirit, sorta! You got this, kiddo. Both of you. And Roman, I need my Tupperware back, so...
Everyone chuckled at the byplay between Roman and Patton.
Roman: Thomas? Despite the circumstances, it was... fun acting alongside you. We should do it again some time. With less plots of deception.
Thomas: Sounds like a plan, Roman.
Roman: On to valiantly and honestly achieving our dreams! (Sings vocal warm-up) Me-aaaaaaahhhh...!
Thomas: I hope, in some way, this provided a better understanding as to the different ways that we lie and how that may affect those around us. There are clearly many different perspectives on HOW it affects others, but when it comes to what we choose to say or what we choose not to say, it's good to remain conscientious of our actions. Pretending that we're not flawed is... irresponsible. By recognizing and working on our flaws, we're taking the best steps forward to being more true and honest with ourselves. Until next time, take it easy, guys, gals, and nonbinary pals! PEACE OUT!
"That was a great episode" Thomas said.
Everyone agreed except Virgil who just huffed before jumping over to his chair.
"Endcard" Talyn smiled.
Thomas: Hey, Joan?
Joan, on phone: Hey dude.
Thomas: About last night, um... I totally forgot, I'm so sorry, I didn't remember until midway through this outing I was at, and-
Joan, unconcerned: Oh yeah, it's chill.
Thomas: Really?B- uh- but it was a one-night show you had, and it-
Joan: Yeah, it was just a reading.
Thomas: But... the text sounded so serious...
Joan: I literally typed out "F word face". Is that- is that serious in your world? Is that a serious person thing?
Everyone chuckled.
Thomas: Oh. Well. Um... I clearly misinterpreted the tone. (Chuckles)
Joan: No, but seriously, it's- it's totally okay, I just... I just hope you didn't do that thing that you do sometimes where you freak out and stand in the middle of your living room and talk to yourself for twenty minutes.
Everyone chuckled.
Thomas: Nervous laughter) Uh... no, I did not do that. (Laughs)
(Deceit's laughter mingles in)
Thomas: You know what? Yes I did.
Everyone laughed.
Deceit: Oh, shoot. Well, since I'm here, I might as well present to you a couple musical puns based all around Deceit. "Lies and Dolls". "Lyin' King"... "Fibber on the Roof"... "Fibbin'"... "Jeckyll and Lied"... Totally not partial to that one. "Forgery-Second Street". "Willy Wonka and the Alternative Fact-ory". "Damn Yankin' Your Chain-ees". "The Fraud Couple". "Full of Shi-cago". "Lie Lie Birdie". "Miss Lie-gon". "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Lying". "The Untruthers". "The Producers". I think that was my strongest one. That was fun. This was a fun video. I'm so glad I did this.
Everyone got up and stretched.
Virgil felt himself changing back into his normal self.
"Yes I'm back" he muttered.
"Hi Virgil" Grinned Thomas and Patton at the same time.
"Hi" Virgil blushed.
"Right well time to stop for the day I think" Thomas said with a tight smile. It had been a emotional rollercoaster today.
Virgil got up and immediately headed to his room to collect himself for a moment.
Everyone else also went theeir seperate ways to what they wanted to do.