Suddenly she wanted to cry again and wasn't sure why, had no real idea what was the matter with her this time? There was just so much shit flying around in her head these days and the whole day had been the absolute pits, not only Millie, but the rest of it as well, it had been a really horrible day and much as she hated to admit it even to herself, she missed him. She missed that feeling that she could rely on him, missed the way he'd always made her feel that no matter what happened she was safe. And she missed being close, kissing him, making love to him, hated that she'd had to decide to stop being so dependent on him, to be prepared to look out for the kids and herself if she had to, but that didn't mean she wasn't lonely for him.

"Hey….come on … tell me … what?"

"Everything … me … us …. Everything feels a bit wrong …"

As soon as she'd said it, as soon as the words were out of her mouth, Molly could hear how thick her voice was with bloody unshed tears, but she knew it was totally the wrong time to talk about any of it when they were both tired and everything had been a bit shit. And if she knew all that, then why the fuck was she even thinking of doing it?

"It's just ….. don't worry about it, I'm just a bit tired that's all"

She took a deep breath and swallowed, determined that her mouth wasn't going to run away with her and wondered for a second time if she could possibly get away with pretending to drop off and decided that the answer was probably still no.

"Why do you think she did it Charlie? I mean, I know she's always getting herself all side up down" Molly used the family phrase that Chloe had invented when she was very small for when she would get herself all worked up in a state, she used to say it all the time but Molly realised when she'd just said it that Choe hadn't actually said anything like it for a long time. Sometimes it seemed that Chloe was growing up far too quickly "But this was just something else wasn't it?"

"Indeed … and honestly? I have no idea … but what it does do is make a complete bloody nonsense of all that rubbish she spouts about being scared of the dark doesn't it?" Molly couldn't see his face clearly but knew he was raising his eyebrows and chewing at his lip, she also knew that he loved that 'knight in shining armour' stuff he did whenever Millie clung to him saying it was dark and that she was scared.

"I dunno 'bout that … but even if that is all just bull shit, I still don't get why she'd do something like that …. She ran away Charlie, I thought she was in the sitting room with Chloe and she wasn't, she ran away …. Bloody epic fail that's me"

"You? Of course you're not … and I don't know whether she actually meant to run away Moll, somehow I doubt it, I think she just got carried away doing a Millie but absolutely none of it was your fault … if anything I'd have to put my hand up and say it was mine. I was the one who should have stopped her taking the fucking thing with her wasn't I? If I'd been more careful, if I'd paid more attention none of it would have happened"

"You're just saying that … the police thought it was my fault"

"I'm not just saying it and I'm sure the police didn't think anything of the kind …"

"Yeah they did …. you wasn't there …"

"Nope … but … well if that was really what they thought, they were 100% fucking wrong"

"We're gonna 'ave to do something about her you know … trouble is I don't even know where to start, except can't help thinking that maybe Nan's right 'n a good slap on her bum is what she needs…."

"You know you don't mean that .." His voice was still low and gentle as he shook his head "Look … don't worry about it tonight … I know you're right and that we can't go on like this and I'm sorry, I know I haven't always …. " He shook his head again "We have to work out a plan, don't we?"

"Yeah … 'n bleeding stick to it … both of us this time … not just me .."

"I know …"

"You don't think she … nah, don't matter …"

"What? I don't think she what…?"

"Nothing ….it's just … it's just …. Everything that went on with … well you know … I mean she's not stupid and they all knew there was something going on, that something was wrong and I can't help feeling it's all got a bit fucked up since … you know what I'm talking about …" Molly knew she was in danger of doing what she'd said she wasn't going to do and getting involved in an in-depth discussion about Sasha and what had happened and she didn't want to, not without a clear idea of what she wanted. It was him who'd once told her to always know exactly what she wanted to achieve when she talked about consequences "I'm not saying it's your fault or nothing …I mean Millie's always been a bloody drama queen … but I think she's got worse … "

Shit, she hadn't actually meant to start making it sound as if it was all his fault, although in her darker moments she did think that the way he let Millie get away with stuff wasn't helping. She ran rings round him at times, but now wasn't the time to start flinging those sort of accusations at him.

"And no bugger will give me a job either, will they? and I know it's not that I'm no good cos I know I am, not that it seems to matter … I mean, after Livvi they said I could always go back … that I only had to ask … now it seems that's all changed 'n they can well do without me" She took a deep shuddery breath and did her best to sniff back the renewed need to cry tired tears of feeling sorry for herself.

"Shall I pay him a visit? I could go and sort him out for you if you like"

His voice was gentle as he chuckled softly and made the offer that was not only a fairly lame attempt at a joke, but that he knew she would never accept in a million years. Molly was independent to a point that sometimes worried him and sometimes irritated him beyond belief, but much as he'd love to fight her battles for her he knew she would never accept that sort of help from him. That she would see it as interference. There were times when she didn't seem to need him at all.

"Stupid man doesn't know what he's missing, you're the bloody nuts at it, you've always have been the nuts" She could feel his smile against her hair in the dark "You've always been bloody brilliant"

"You wanna try telling him that … anyhow you're biased"

"I'll have you know that I'm not in the least biased and it would be my absolute pleasure … you only have to say the word …"

"Nah … you're alright … don't be daft …" Even though she knew he was half joking, for some reason his words and tone of voice comforted her. The way he'd just said what he'd said reminded her of when she was happy, not that they solved anything, it was going to take a hell of a lot more than a few words to make everything in her world right. But they did make her feel marginally better for some reason.

"But tell you what you can do, you can tell that stupid mother of yours to keep her bleeding gob shut, tell her to stop feeding Chlo with all that bollocks about how no-one loves her or how we 'ave favourites or some such rubbish …we got enough with one of them throwing her toys out the pram every time she don't get her own way … 'n it's not nice for Chloe hearing her gran say stuff like that …"

"Me? What happened to we?"

"Your mother …. not mine … 'n she's not gonna listen to me is she? You on the other hand … she thinks the sun shines out your bum …"

"Lovely … but yep I know … I'm sorry" He snorted "I can't help it if my mother knows I'm perfect" He snorted again.

"You wish … and stop laughing it's not funny"

"I'm not laughing and I am, I really am sorry …and I will talk to her" He did his best to sound contrite, he was nowhere near convinced that Penny would take a blind bit of notice of anything he had to say on the subject, he was pretty sure she would deny that she'd been doing any such thing but this was probably the longest conversation that they'd had in weeks without Molly saying she was too tired and just wanted to go to sleep "Is there anything else while we're at it?"

Molly knew he'd been half joking, had been sort of teasing her, but was suddenly aware that there was a real danger of the conversation turning into a complete list of things that were pissing her off, never mind about what had happened with Sasha but about him not talking to Sammie like he'd promised. He still hadn't made the effort to ask him about why he'd been so against going back to that prison they'd had him locked up in, or what he wanted to do with the rest of his life now that he'd escaped. But Molly knew she had to be careful, that she had to guard her tongue because she was in danger of saying more than she should, of telling him things she'd promised to keep to herself.

"You still haven't talked to Sammie 'ave you? You've gotta do it Charles…?

"I will talk to him Molly, I promise …. But tell me something … is this about … has this got anything to do with Sasha?"

"What? Why would it?"

"No, no I don't mean has Sam got anything to do with her, I just can't help wondering whether she's still here…" He tapped gently on her head "If there was something I could do to … you would tell me wouldn't you?"

"You got any idea at all how hard it is to just forget all that?"

"Tell me…."

"You … " She shook her head "You was always so busy, so sort of distracted somehow with stuff when you was home … then hearing that some … girl …. say you and her … say that she'd been having an affair with you… that while I was sitting here at home on my own making sure your kids were okay, you were off somewhere with her, the two of you busy saving lives together and if you weren't actually fucking her, then you were doing your best to …. ?"

"Of course I know, I know it was probably as hard if not harder than hearing some stupid little girl I'd never touched, that I had no wish to touch, make all that up to get her own back because I didn't want her …. And that she'd try and wreck things …" He swallowed hard "And then having to ignore all the no smoke without fire comments, and the way people looked at me so that all I wanted was to hang a sign round my neck with not guilty written on it …"

"Do you still see her all the time?"

"WHAT? No of course not, I haven't seen her for weeks, not since … she doesn't work there anymore … you know that"

"Nah I don't … you never said"

"I did, I'm sure I did"

Charles shook his head and tried to remember but so much had been going on at the time and since and then when the shit had finally stopped flying from the fan and he'd managed to feel slightly less uncomfortable he'd just wanted to bury the whole bloody thing. He'd wanted nothing more than to forget about what had happened, consign it to history, something he now realised was more about hoping against hope that if no-one ever even mentioned her by name he could sweep her out of their lives. He knew now that he'd been a bit of a coward.

"I've got no idea where she works now … and what's more I don't bloody care … as long as it's nowhere near me" He paused and thought for a moment and woke up to what Molly had just said "What? Please tell me you haven't spent all this time thinking I was still working with her? Seeing her every day? Shit, Moll why didn't you just ask?"

"Nah, I didn't really … I mean, yeah alright I did, I was a bit bothered I suppose … I'm sorry, I know I should've just said something …but …"

"Yep you bloody should …. I would never lie to you Moll, I thought you knew that, I promised and I know it's all been shit since all that hit the fan … and that it was especially hard for you, but if she was still working at DEC I definitely wouldn't be, you mean more to me than any fucking job …" He stroked her hair and began to wind her hair round his fingers turning it into ringlets "But as we still have to eat and we have to feed those little blighters of ours I'm still working there …."

"Thought you was going to call them bleeders for a minute …" Molly was getting sleepy but actually in a nice way not in the needing to escape into sleep way that she had been doing over recent weeks "Are you still gonna look for something else … a new job ….you said you was going to but then you haven't said …"

"Indeed … but jobs like mine don't grow on trees Moll …. Not if I want to stay working in disaster relief …. And pay the mortgage … trouble is no matter how hard I look, I can't find the queue that's lining up to chuck wonderful jobs at some middle aged bloke who's spent years playing soldiers and who now walks with a limp because he didn't duck fast enough …"

"Stop fishin'… you're not middle aged …. " She muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "you're old" to Charles as he heard her familiar giggle.

"Did you just call me old?"

"Nah … yeah, sorry" She was now giggling in a way he hadn't heard for, well as far back as he could remember "But don't worry, your limp's cute" She said it as if it was a consolation prize which made Charles snort a laugh down his nose.

"Thank you … I think …. Now it's you that's biased …. but I love you for it…"

Molly knew that it had to be getting really late, but hadn't realised until she checked quite how late it was, it was only going to be a very few hours and then Livvie was going to be up and awake and needing attention, and even if Charles got up to see to her like he did on Sundays she'd still be awake as well. The thought was exhausting, because right now she was so bloody tired that she couldn't stop yawning so widely that her eyes were watering.

"Hey …. close your eyes, go to sleep .."

"I'm alright …"

"I know you are .. but just do as you're told for once and close your eyes …. and stop bloody arguing with me .."

"Yes Boss …"

Charles chuckled and tightened his hold to keep her tucked into his side while she gave into the almost overwhelming urge to sleep. As he listened to her breathing getting slower and deeper he was slightly reassured that for the first time in weeks they'd talked the way they always used to, although he couldn't pretend that he didn't know there was still a wide gulf between them, and that it hadn't been there before all that crap had started with Sasha. But if he was entirely honest, he knew in his heart of hearts that there'd been issues that had been worrying her, issues that he hadn't taken nearly seriously enough, issues that he'd hoped would just go away.

-OG-

"Right … you three…. kitchen …. now …"

Millie had got herself all dressed up in her unicorn dress with her tiara lop-sided where it was perched in her curls as he interrupted her star performance. She was thoroughly enjoying herself taking centre stage and playing to the audience that was Marcus who appeared to be hanging on her every word and to a far lesser extent Chloe. Their little drama queen was replaying the real-life drama she'd created the night before, or at least her version of it, to the brother who'd missed every bit of it and who was apparently now speechless with admiration, as Chloe added her two pennyworth to the story. She was happily embellishing Millie's tale by adding her own dramatic interpretations of what had happened when the police with their large dog had searched the house. Charles jerked his head to reinforce his order for them to do as they were told and shift into the kitchen.

"Right, you three, now are you all listening to me?"

He looked slowly and deliberately from one to the other of the trio of expectant faces as they sat in silence at the kitchen table all looking at him with varying degrees of truculence.

"Pardon … I don't think I heard you" He raised his eyebrows as they all dutifully chorused "Yes Daddy" and he saw the three of them exchange puzzled looks. It was completely obvious that they had no idea what it was all about.

"Now … first of all I don't want any of you to make any mistake about it, what Millie did yesterday was stupid beyond belief … it was an incredibly naughty thing to do young lady …" He was looking directly at Millie and frowning "It wasn't clever and it wasn't funny and I don't want to hear another word about how it was an adventure … it wasn't, you all know that you don't go anywhere out of this house without asking mummy or me, you could have been badly hurt and you could have got poor Patches hurt as well, he could have been properly lost out there all on his own in the dark … in the rain … just think about that for a moment …"

Chloe put her hands up to her face and stared at him with an appalled expression at the thought of what might have happened to Patches, and although Marcus had eyes like saucers at the thought, he was far more reserved about showing any sort of emotion, which was something that Charles had become more and more aware of recently. Watching Marcus was like looking down a tunnel at himself when he'd been very young and learning how to bottle up and hide his feelings wasn't something he wanted for any of his own children. But he couldn't help his own strong urge to smile at the way the two of them were actually far more worried at the thought that the dog could have lost or unhappy than they were worried about their sister. He managed not to show any emotion but winced inside at the look on Millie's face and saw the way her eyes flooded with tears at the tone in his voice as he told her off.

"But Daddy …." Charles had to steel his heart against the way she was looking at him, it was hard for him to stay stern when she looked at him like that. Every instinct he possessed wanted to pick her up and hug her.

"No buts Millie, you know what you did was wrong, don't you? You know how worried Mummy was… you need to say you're sorry to her and then you need to promise me that you'll never do anything so silly again …. Do you understand?"

"You made mummy be sick …"

Chloe turned to her side and spoke to the sister who was sprawling in the chair next to her with her arms stretched across the table in front of her apparently examining her hands and trying her best to look as if she wasn't even listening. Millie had in the space of less than half an hour gone from being the dramatic heroine of her own adventure featuring police and search parties to being back to being an annoying little sister. The sister who, just for a change, was the one who was in the deepest of deep trouble.

"What? I didn't know that …" Charles looked at Chloe with a puzzled expression on his face "Are you sure?"

"Yes …. I heard her …"

"Well, she seems fine now … so … right … let's have no more of it … no repeat of any of this, I don't want to ever have to tell any of you anything like this ever again"

"Careful Dad … one day they're going to be choosing your care home …." Sam had been leaning up against the doorframe listening and was now laughing at his own joke as Charles turned his head and scowled at him, before he too laughed and shook his head.

"It's not funny Sam ….. hey …. I never really said thanks for last night … but well, you know … thank you" He gulped "Millie here has something to say to you as well … Millie what do you say to Sam?"

"Sorry?" Sam was still chuckling at the grudging tone of her little apology and the way she'd made it sound as if she was asking a question as he walked past and put his hand on the top of her head to ruffle her curls. Charles' voice had been stern enough to brook absolutely no argument, a tone that Sam could well remember from when he was a kid as he wisely decided not to add any smartarsed comments. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen his bratty little sister look so thoroughly chastened.

-OG-

Dragging Sam out for a walk with the dog had seemed like the best way to carry out the promise he'd made to Molly to have a private chat with his eldest son without any danger of one of the others muscling in on them. Now he was hoping that the grey clouds weren't threatening enough to mean rain as they walked slowly side by side across one of the fields behind the house both watching the dog scurrying around chasing smells, as Charles suddenly wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Or even if he knew exactly what the subject was. Somehow over the years the easy familiarity of talking to Sammie had got lost in all the other day to day bits of his life. He wasn't sure how to start.

"What's up Dad?"

"Does something have to be up as you put it before we go out for a walk?"

The look Sam gave him was as full of disbelief as that statement deserved. Sam wasn't stupid and it was obvious to him that Charles had something on his mind. He actually couldn't remember the last time his dad had literally insisted that he had to accompany him anywhere, so it was as plain as the nose on his face that he had something he wanted to discuss without any of the audience at home which made Sam's heart start to sink. He was suddenly convinced that despite all her promises, Molly had said something to his dad which meant he was in for an excruciatingly embarrassing conversation with him about things he wasn't ready to talk about. A conversation he wasn't prepared for and didn't want.

-OG-

A/N: Another slice of daily life at the Barn, and I am sorry for the delay in updating. Thank you for all your lovely reviews and kind comments and as always an extra special thank you to Flossy for her endless encouragement … and her patience with the nasty attack of writer's wobblies that afflicts me from time to time. Will try to update quicker next time when Charles has some issues he has to face.