Have you ever had that feeling that maybe you made a big cosmic mistake somewhere, and you should probably go back in time to fix it? And then, you realize that wait, 'I already did'. In fact, the whole mess you are currently in is the direct result of you not only breaking pretty much every bloody rule in the universe by traveling back in time, but then breaking every rule of that particular experience by telling your friends that you're not actually from their time, and are in fact an eighteen-and-or-twenty nine year old here to save them all from a horrible demise by masquerading as an eleven year old student. Now add in the fact that not only has your extra-chronotic presence broken pretty much the base foundations of the universe's state of being, but also essentially ruined a lifelong friendship that pretty much defined the war you are here to stop, and the eventual victory in said war. Then you realize that all this shit is literally too much to handle and why the fuck am I being so philosophical about this shit in the first place? Oh, right, because even that mind-numbing practice would be better than listening to Harry Potter's constant naggings about the future.
"For the last time, Potter, I do not know!" The entire Great Hall-which pretty much consisted of the few people insane enough to actually get up on time for breakfast, and me-turned to look at the spot at Slytherin table where I had just slammed my Potions textbook down and was now glaring at the grinning Boy-Who-Lived.
"Come on Artemis, you've gotta know something. You fought in the war, for crying out loud!" Anger rolling through me, I leaned over the table, coming just close enough to hiss in the smug little bastard's face.
"On the wrong side, dumbass! And for the last time, keep your voice down! The last thing I need is for old grumpy goats over there to hear you and decide to dissect me!" Aggravatingly, Harry seemed unaffected by my-if I may say so myself-excellent explanation, and simply leaned back in his chair, even as he reached for a knife to butter his scones with.
"What would Dumbledore want with such a useless source of information?" He asked sardonically, and I ignored the nearby giggles as my glare intensified even more. Bloody peons probably thought this was some sort of lover's spat. I swear, if I ever found out how that stupid rumor that I was in love with Harry bloody Potter got spread, heads were going to roll.
"Well, I'm sorry, Harry. It's not like I was friends with Potter in the first place. All I ever heard up to fifth year was rumours of his stupid heroic exploits. For all I know, you sat in the common room all the time, sipping tea and bumping uglies with the Weasel." Harry grimaced at that, but before he could say anything, Hermione slid into the seat next to him, her adorable little eleven-year-old nose wrinkled up in disgust.
"Really, Artemis, must you be so vulgar? I understand you're much older than you look, but still. That is no excuse to not show at least some form of decorum. Now, what is it that Harry's got you so worked up about this time?" Growling, I turned my glare on the bushy-haired girl, but she met my eyes unyieldingly, and I was forced to sit back with an explosive sigh. Sometimes I missed being enemies with the bloody walking library. At least then she would blush and look away when I glared at her.
"This ignoramus was asking who he ended up with, and was being far too loud about it. Honestly, chances are whatever knowledge I may have will be useless anyways. I've already changed far too much." As I finished speaking, I huffed and reached for a plate of fried eggs, trying to ignore my two friends as they glanced at each other. Finally, it seemed their silent conversation was over, and with a small smile, Hermione reached over and touched my arm lightly.
"You may be right, Artemis, but it's all we have. Besides, perhaps talking about… that place, will help you work through whatever problems you may have. I know you've been beating yourself up for days now." Shocked by her words and actions, I released the fork in my hands, allowing it to clatter back down onto my plate as I sent a weak glare at her. I didn't want to talk about it. That was the problem.
"Hermione, I get what you're trying to say, and I'm thankful for it, but you don't understand what it was like. That place… even in first year, I wasn't happy." I looked at the young witch, trying as hard as I could to express the pain I felt as the memories of my original lifetime washed through me. I was speaking the truth, too. Even as a child, right at the start of a Hogwarts career which should have been bright and promising, my life had been anything but. Raised by a cold father, a distant mother, surrounded by the lies and hypocrisy of Pureblood bigotry and shunned by the one person who might have seen me as an actual friend rather than simply an ally, It was a dark year. To compensate, I turned to the cruel, needless hatred that had defined the rest of my first-life, and led me down the path to my imprisonment and subsequent execution. Even that was pitiful, as my death lacked pretty much any and all of the grace and pride it should have possessed.
"Artemis." My name on Harry's lips was a quiet thing, and caught up as I was in remembrance, I barely noticed until two arms slid around me in a tight, loving embrace. Shocked, I tore myself away from my memories, only to find that Harry and Hermione had somehow traversed the table and were now on either side of me, squeezing tightly.
"Um, guys?" I asked, completely stiff. What the fuck was going on now? Roused by my voice, both my fellow Slytherin's looked up to me, smiling gently. After a moment, Harry spoke.
"Don't worry, Artemis. We'll make sure that things are better this time around. That's why I've been asking you so many questions. Every little bit counts, and even the smallest of details can help us." I stared at his leaf green eyes, shining brightly with promise as he spoke, and a sudden surge of gratefulness crashed through me. Dear Merlin, how could they be so kind? I truly didn't deserve them as friends, either of them. Both Harry and Hermione were just so… selfless. Being with them was like wrapping a warm blanket around myself on a cold night. It just felt so… comfortable.
"Thanks guys," I said, as they both withdrew slowly, careful to sit still so they could safely untangle all their limbs. Once they were both back in their original seats, I smiled softly, tapping my chin with the fork in my hand. "So, you wanted to know about Partners, huh? Well, I was in jail pretty much the whole time after the war ended, but prisoners really are horrible gossips. There were quite a few rumors about a you two and a certain clan of red-haired Weasels…" As I regaled my friends with tales about their possible future love lives, I allowed my mind to wander a bit, smiling at the thoughts that it encompassed. It was good to be back.
XXX
Okay, first rule of time travel: Never, ever leave Harry-fucking-Potter unattended in Potions class. In fact, never go anywhere near said Potions class with said person, regardless of whether he is supervised or not. The lion-in-snake's-clothing is an absolute menace with a cauldron. Also, if you don't want him to corrupt nice, innocent little Gryffindors with his wicked, wicked ways… well, perhaps it would have been better just to lock the green-eyed monster in a broom closet on that fateful first Friday of the year. Then again, he probably would've found some way to pick the lock and still shown up in time for roll-call and to fuck up what was left of my ever-dwindling supply of sanity.
Okay, okay, you're probably all wondering what the hell I'm going on about this time, right?. Well, it started off pretty simply. The Slytherins and Gryffindors both converged on the dungeon where Professor Snape held his Potions classes on the first Friday of the year, just as I remembered it being. The first few minutes passed in essentially the same manner, all the way until the great bat of a man-yes, even I must admit he is a tad overdramatic at times- reached Harry's name on the list.
"Ah, Potter. If it isn't our newest… celebrity." Luckily, Snape's attention was focused almost solely on the green-eyed boy to my right, so he didn't notice me rolling my eyes at the ridiculous comment. "Tell me, Potter, what would I get if I combined root of asphodel with an infusion of wormwood?" I raised my eyebrows at the question, but noticing the glint in Harry's eyes, held my tongue. Okay, so I remembered the whole 'interrogate Potter' deal, but I hadn't quite recalled what questions Snape had asked, and perhaps unsurprisingly, that one was sixth-year level. There was no way Harry could possibly know the answer. Having seen the changes in the boy over the last week, however, i had no doubt that his answers wouldn't be nearly as dull as the first time I sat through this conversation.
"A potion, I would assume. Unless I accidentally walked into Charms class, Professor?" Harry asked with a smirk, and my lips quirked. Okay, it probably wasn't the best quip in the world, but for an eleven year old it was pretty decent. Even more amusingly, Snape didn't even respond to the question, simply narrowing his eyes before making a tut, tut sound.
"Didn't think to open a book before you got to school, Potter? I see fame isn't everything." I practically groaned at the overly dramatic words. Honestly, what was he thinking acting like that? Okay, I understand that he hates Potter's guts, mainly because of some sort of stupid rivalry he had going on with the kid's dad, but fucking seriously? That has got to be the single most un-Slytherin like comment I have ever heard, and I live with fucking Lucius Malfoy. Harry, however, didn't seem to notice, and smiled slyly up at the man.
"Of course not Professor. That's why we are here, isn't it. To learn?" I winced at the accusing tone in my friend's voice, and even Snape seemed a bit taken aback by his scathing response. Granted, most of the Gryffindors probably had no clue what was happening, but most of Slytherin house were shooting uneasy glances at each other now. I assume they were probably wondering why their Head of House was picking on one of his own students, and Snape seemed to realise it too. With a curl of his lips, he turned away from Harry, and I let out a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding. At least something was still sane. Professor Snape almost never focused on Slytherins.
"Alright there, Harry?" I asked in a low whisper, leaning over to the boy while Snape started his little first-year speech. Harry shot me a grin in response.
"Of course, Artemis. Nothing wrong at all." A sudden sense of unease swept through me at his words, and my eyes narrowed. His grin had a slightly feral hint to it, and I was suddenly unsure of what exactly he was planning. And I knew he was planning something, could see the vicious prankster's brain working overtime behind those beautiful green eyes. Yes, Harry was up to something, and for a moment, I considered stopping him. Then I glanced back to Snape, who was sneering down at a large Gryffindor boy, and for some reason, I pushed the thought to the side. Fuck it, the man deserved whatever was coming to him. I suffered his horrible teaching style for seven years, and knew just how atrocious of an authority figure he was, despite the fact that he was technically my godfather. Oh, how I regret that decision now.
Do you know how hard it is to mess up a potion to cure boils? It's really not. I mean honestly, there's like five ingredients in the whole damn thing, and maybe ten instructions total. There's a reason it's the first potion we ever learn at Hogwarts. I remembered vividly, however, that someone had, in fact, screwed it up on their first try, and since I didn't particularly feel like testing the fragile balance of the universe by seeing if Snape would still take points off Harry for Neville Longbottom's fuckup, I decided to make a preemptive strike. Ignoring the various dirty glares I received from the other red-robed children, as soon as Snape was done with his monologue on the safety measures of the classroom, I stood and calmly made my way over to the young lion.
"Hey Longbottom, do you want to partner up? You look a bit lost." I asked once I got to his seat, trying to use my kindest voice. The poor child really did look lost, too, glancing around the classroom nervously as he looked for a partner. Since it was the first potion and all, Snape had informed us that it was a two-man-or woman-job. Still, Longbottom somehow managed to looked surprised at my request as he turned to look at me.
"Malfoy? Are you sure?" He asked in a wavering voice, and my brow furrowed as I inspected him. He had a sort of tentatively hopeful look on his face, but I could see the fear present in his quavering lips, and the way his eyes kept shifting to the side, carefully avoiding meeting mine.
"Of course, Longbottom. I don't ask inane questions. I'm decent at Potions, or so my tutors tell me, and I thought since you looked unsure I would help you out." Well, it may not have been my main motivation, but it was still true. Regardless, the brunette finally met my eyes, looking at me with confusion written large across his face.
"But you're a Slytherin." Raising an eyebrow, I scoffed at that. Really, I thought he'd be better than that.
"And you're a wee little lion cub. What of it? I won't bite, if that's what you're afraid of." Surprisingly, the kid actually smiled at my terrible joke, and I let out an internal sigh of relief. Already, people were starting to look at us, and I wanted to get this over with so that they would be too distracted by their potions to pay attention to the novel sight of a Slytherin and Gryffindor working together. Finally, the kid gave me a slight nod.
"Alright then. Let me get my stuff." I grinned at the answer. Finally. A few moments later, we were both back at the workstation where I had left Harry and Hermione, and I frowned as they both gave me an odd look.
"What?" I asked, not sure why they were glancing between me and Neville. Slowly, my annoyance grew, until finally hermione spoke.
"Nothing, it's just a bit… odd, that you're with Neville. I wasn't aware you two were friends." My face smoothed out as I listened to her response, and I smiled, reaching back to grab Neville from where he was cowering behind me.
"We aren't, yet. I guess I just saw some potential in him, that's all." I smiled at the pair, but both Harry and Hermione only offered me a dubious stare. Shrugging them off, i started to set up for my potion, trying to ignore them. If my friends wanted to doubt every little action I took, then fine. It wasn't like I needed their permission anyways.
Neville, as it turned out, was actually a decent potions maker, funnily enough. You never would have known it, seeing his performance through all of my previous life, but as I observed him closely while we worked on the potion, I noticed that he seemed to have a knack for it. The only real problems he seemed to have was whenever Snape came near, and his entire thought process seemed to disappear like a loud. Several times I had to stop the boy from making a horrible mistake, when just seconds previously he had been moving with confidence. But in all honesty, I could have lived with that fact. If Neville Longbottom being an actual potioneer was all I got out of that class, I would have been happy. I should have known better.
Death really hates me. I know I've said that before, but this time, I'm serious. The being takes great pleasure in fucking with my head, then laughing as my entire universe burns down around me. The saddest thing though? Apparently his favorite agent for such misfortunes is one green-eyed, black-haired, bespectacled idiot with a penchant for chaos, who also happens to be my best friend. See, class was going perfectly fine, we were making our potions, and I was thinking that for once we might escape without causing any sort of havoc at all. That was all blown away when Harry leaned over to talk to Neville.
"So, Neville, how's life in Gryffindor?" My head shot up from where I was bent over my own cauldron, and I stared at the boy in surprise and suspicion. What on earth could he possibly be up to now?
"Uh, it's okay, I guess." Responded Neville, and Harry's grin grew just a tiny bit. I was starting to get a really bad feeling about this.
"That's cool. What do you guys do in your spare time? A lot of pranks and stuff?" I froze at Harry's words, and slowly, ever so slowly, turned to face him fully, horror written clearly across my face. No, he was not…
"Not really, no. I mean, a few of the older students play tricks on each other, but most of us younger years just hang out, I guess. Except the Weasley twins in third year. They do play a lot of pranks."I let out a relieved sigh as Neville answered, but wished I hadn't a moment later, as Harry exchanged glances with Hermione, his eyes practically sparkling. As he leaned casually over the cauldrons to whisper conspiratorially in the Gryffindor's ear, my blood froze. Fucking Hell…
"Would you like to learn?" Asked Harry, and I nearly balked at his husky voice. If we were just a few years older, I might think he was trying to seduce Longbottom. As it was, the little lion cub I had unwittingly dragged into the snake's den now had wide eyes, and he looked at Harry with a mixture of fear and awe.
"Are-are you certain? I… I've never really done a prank before." At his words, Harry's grin turned into a smirk, and this time I couldn't hold back my groan. Was he seriously corrupting the ever-innocent Longbottom? And why?
"Of course, Neville. I never say something I don't mean. Now tell me, has anyone been particularly cruel to you recently?" Neville pulled back slightly, surprised by the question. He didn't speak, but the way his eyes flicked over to Nott, who was working over by the ingredients cabinet, was answer enough. And when Harry's smile stretched wider, turning very smug, I knew exactly what the bastard was planning. Strangely though, i couldn't manage to drag up any more annoyance, and in fact, as my own eyes drifted over to my fellow Slytherin, laughing raucously with his partner Goyle, my mouth started to tug up into a smile of my own. The little brat did deserve it… My attention was drawn back when Harry cleared his throat, before speaking once again in that conspiratorial whisper.
"Nott, eh? Yes, I do remember seeing him knock books out of your hands the other day… Tell you what, how would you like to get back at him? Nothing harmful, don't worry. It's just a spot of humiliation." Neville looked unsure as he searched Harry's face, but slowly, the pudgy boy nodded. "Alright then. You take this, and go over to the ingredients cabinet like you're looking for something, but keep it hidden. When you pass Nott's cauldron, just bump up against it and slip that in. Then… well, I'd suggest you run like hell after that." I watched in amusement as Neville tenderly took the snake-skin Harry handed him. The boy lifted it up slightly to look dubiously at the ingredient, but with a slow nod, he made to stick it in his pocket. Before he could though, Hermione, who had been observing us with a quiet smile, shot her hand out to stop him.
"Wait, not that. Take these, instead." Carefully, she lifted the snake-skin out of Neville's hands, replacing it with a few porcupine quills instead. When both me and Harry shot her a questioning look, she smirked. "Snake-skin is a lot more volatile and could result in someone getting hurt. Besides, if the Professor tries to clean out the cauldron, he could find its husk at the bottom still. These won't leave a trace."Me, Neville, and Harry all gaped at the bushy-haired witch, especially as she continued working as if she hadn't just participated in a plan to blow up the cauldron of a fellow student. Our jaws dropped even further when, without looking up from the book she was studying for instructions, she continued. "Also, wait until Professor Snape is nearby. He will be less inclined to look for a saboteur if he's caught in the mess as well, and he deserves some humiliation as well."I stared at the girl. What the fuck?
"Um, Hermione? You do realize you're talking about a teacher, right?" I asked tentatively, trying not to let my beiing utterly lost slip into my voice. I could take Harry trying to corrupt Neville into becoming a little prankster like him, but Hermione talking so blaisely about harming a teacher? No, something was severely wrong here. That feeling only increased as let out an aggravated sigh and looked back up to us, brushing a lock of bushy hair out of her eyes.
"I am fully aware of that fact Artemis, yes. But him being a teacher gives him no excuse for singling Harry out like he did." She grinned then, and a wave of both fear and pride went through me at the feral sight. Her eyes glittered with a justified cruelty I didn't remember ever seeing in the girl before, and for a moment, I actually believed she might belong in Slytherin. "If we're going to cause havoc, we might as well get something out of it, yes?" For a moment, all four oif us just sat there, letting her words hang in the air as we stared at each other. In that moment, I realized something. Here I was, sitting in Potions class with Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Neville Longbottom, plotting how to blow up a Housemate's cauldron and catch Professor Snape in the blast radius. When the fuck had my life become so warped out of what I once remembered it as? Harry was a mischievous little bastard, apparently Hermione was a vindictive bitch, and now Longbottom was going to join this circus of twisted friends of mine. I could see it in his eyes already. He had been hesitant yes, but now, as we all met each other's eyes, I could see that he was fully invested in the plot. He had almost no friends in Gryffindor, I knew that for a fact, and while we were Slytherin, yes, we had still extended the hand of friendship to him. Here we were, offering him a place in our little plan, when we could just as easily been targeting him. Dear Merlin, this was going to be interesting. Finally, after several long moments, I spoke.
"Alright then. What's my part in all of this, hmm?" Startled, all three of them turned to look at me. Then, a slow grin spread over Harry's face, and he answered with a glee that was all too apparent.
"Well, Artemis, you're the distraction. All you need to do is get Snape over to the cauldron, and make sure nobody notices Neville." For a moment, I mulled that over in my mind, nodding slowly as I contemplated the thought. I suppose it was possible… especially if I pulled out some of my silent casting. Causing a ruckus couldn't be too hard, although it may cost Snape quite a bit. Finally, I nodded, and a feral grin spread over my face, the thrill of a well-made plan singing through me. Oh yeah, this was going to be fun.
XXX
"This is not fun!" I yelled, my lungs straining as I ducked under a table to dodge a flying piece of metal. My screams went unheard, however, overrun by the matching expressions of terror from the rest of the class as they, too, tried not to lose life or limb. Finally, after several minutes, the noise died down, and I glanced out carefully from behind my makeshift shield. I didn't think anyone was hurt, but I could clearly see both Nott and Snape standing in the center of the blast radius, covered in some sort of brown goop that did not look anything like what the boils potion we were making should look like. Shock written clearly on my face, I turned to Neville, Harry, and Hermione, who each wore similar expressions. Finally, there was the sound of a clearing throat, and both me and the boys turned to look at Hermione.
"I think, Neville, that I owe you an apology. Porcupine quills are not less volatile than snake-skin." For a moment, we just stared at the girl, who slowly grew more and more red as she hunched into herself. Finally, I broke the silence, letting out a full-bellied laugh. Bloody hell, Hermione could be wrong. Who knew?
XXX
Okay, so that is done. Hello, I'm back!
Alright, I know it's been a while, but honestly, I've kinda been having an erratic few months when it comes to writing, and I honestly just couldn't find motivation to write this. Even now, actually, I'm not completely happy with it, since the second part seems very lackluster, especially when it comes to Artemis's usual sass, but what the hell, I might as well put it up. It's not like I'm actually trying to be professional here, and my rule for this story is that if it came out, it stays.
So as usual, feel free to state any comments, questions, and concerns you may have in a Review, and I will see you all later!(Hopefully not two months later, but hey; Life happens)